Sunday, September 07, 2008
There is, of course, all sorts of science about how people can suffer from depression due to lack of sunlight in the winter. Several years ago I got a Happylite, which provides you with the equivalent of sunshine if you sit bathed in its light.
I used to sit reading with it on in the mornings for about 20-30 minutes. I did feel it made a difference to my mood. This past year it broke. I haven't replaced it yet -- it's pricey (I did order replacement bulbs, but that didn't help).
We have been fighting a move to NY for several years now -- my husband has in fact been partially living in NY for the last half a year. We kept hoping something would open up down here, but it looks like that's not to be.
The original plan was for me to move up sometime this fall, but since the job is still not 100% certain, it might not be until spring. Which gives me another winter here.
Light really effects my mood. I feel so full of energy when there's a bright blue sky outside, and just want to sit inside reading or knitting when it's cloudy and gray. Despite the heat of the summers here, it's much sunnier most of the year, and I thrive on that. I hate the long, gray, cold winters in NY, where I grew up.
It will certainly be interesting to see how the move effects me. The move itself will be hard; it's hard to keep eating sensibly when you're stressed out and time's short. I'm open to any tips anyone might have! And then, of course, there's the winter. Will it be better because I'll be forced to spend time outside with the dogs?
Aside from light, sweets are my achilles' heel. I can be good about them for a while, but I always seem to backslide into wanting dessert after both lunch and dinner. I know that sweets ought to be an occasional treat -- I think I'm slowly going through some withdrawal after the cruise.
The other problem with sweets is that I truly love to bake, and I like to try new recipes all the time. I've been known to buy a cookbook on the basis of one cookie or cake recipe that sounded great. I need a plan to get a handle on my sweet tooth, too. I have quite a few nutritious, but low calorie treats that I enjoy -- I just think I enjoy them too often. I don't want to go cold turkey. Right now, I'm thinking that I need to make some poached pears and baked apples as my sweet treats for at least a few nights a week. At least they're somewhat nutritious.
Finally, I must say that I am very grateful (and surprised) to have won 25 points on my login spin not one, but two days in a row! Woohoo!
Saturday, September 06, 2008
I both did & didn't yesterday. I chose to go to my WW meeting -- hey, the only thing that keeps me away is no transportation and being at sea! I chose to start tracking my points again yesterday, and good thing, too, because I will admit I didn't make the healthiest choices yesterday.
We got back late Monday night; because I didn't have a car on Tuesday, I didn't go grocery shopping until Wednesday. And I spent most of the day at the cat rescue on Thursday, so I haven't had much time to prepare meals.
Thursday was pretty good -- I'd bought hummus, and I made myself a wrap with spinach, had baby carrots on the side, and cantaloupe for dessert.
Yesterday was a different story. I didn't have anything prepared. I don't have much time to make lunch on Fridays, because I often go to the bookstore after my WW meeting and don't get home til after noon. Yesterday was no exception.
I had bought an Amy's kid meal. Quesadillas, rice & beans (and a very small piece of chocolate cake, which I didn't realize). I knew it was a bit higher in calories, but I didn't think it was that bad. Until I figured out the points. 9! That's almost half my allotment for the day. Still, I ate it. And at the time, I didn't think it was all that satisfying -- and not really all that healthy for kids, either, with no veggies or fruit in sight -- not that I added any veggies. I thought about it, but didn't do it.
Oddly, though, I didn't get hungry during the afternoon. Maybe because I had such a late lunch.
My dinner wasn't that bad, but it was still a relatively high fat one -- because we had roast chicken (and yes, I do eat the skin). Rounded out with roast asparagus and roasted potatoes and cantaloupe. So not terrible, but all in all, not the greatest choices. I would have been much better off making a salad for lunch.
And I forgot to mention those dark chocolate covered almonds (which I did track).
Which is why it IS so very important to track our food. It makes us aware of what we're putting in our bodies, and it makes us accountable, too. Had I planned more carefully, too, I would have known just how many points was in that frozen entree I had for lunch, and I probably would have made better choices.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Unfortunately, that's a pound up. I gained 1 1/2 pounds over the 2 weeks -- between being sick and being on vacation. Not quite the plan; I was planning to maintain. Still, the damage could have been worse and I'm okay with it.
While I do think I ate fairly well, I did eat a lot of high-fat meals, too -- the sorts of things I rarely have: duck, rack of lamb, escargot, eggs benedict, to name a few. With the exception of the escargot, I never ate the entire portion (okay, I admit with the escargot I even took a thin slice of bread to sop up some of the leftover butter-garlic sauce).
The bottom line, if I were to do it again, would I change the way I ate? And the answer is actually no. Yes, I could definitely have eaten better. But I thoroughly enjoyed what I did eat, and I tried to be careful about portion sizes.
I did have dessert every day. They offer cooking light desserts, and I had them a couple of times. In fact, hands down the best dessert of the cruise was the cooking light chocolate mousse cake (and I did eat all of that -- only about 200 calories, or so they said on the menu).
I did not track my food while I was away. Usually I do. I had planned to, even printed out a tracker, but I just didn't do it. That's something I will do differently the next cruise -- and there will be one, we put a deposit down on one (you get a discount if you put a deposit down while on the cruise). We probably won't take it for a couple of years; most likely for our 25th anniversary.
Of course it's a pain to lose the same weight over again. I'm so ready to be in the 140s, but that's probably another few months away -- or longer. But I will get there. One thing I know for sure is that I am not happy when I'm heavy. And I want to be happy. Happier, that is.
I am back to tracking my food today. Obviously, I went to my WW meeting this morning (and it was a great meeting, lots of laughter). The weather has turned. It's still hot, but the mornings are cooler and it's drier.
One of my friends wrote recently how TOM controls her moods. I'm lucky, I really don't think it effects my mood that much (I had TOM while on vacation, after all). But the weather does. I hate grayness. I don't like cold. I don't really like the extreme heat, either, but I can deal with that better than the cold.
So now I am pondering what I need to change to get back in the groove. What my plan needs to be. I'm not quite sure yet.
What I'm grateful for:
1. I no longer wear a size 16 (not pretty when you're 5'1")
2. My double chin is receding
3. I still live in the city I love -- for now
4. My spark buddies. You guys are definitely the best.
To the 140s, and beyond!
Thursday, September 04, 2008
I know I feel that way sometimes. Sometimes it seems the struggle to lose weight consumes my life. I know that's not quite true, but it is true that I spend more time exercising, preparing food, planning what to eat, tracking what I ate, and so on. I did most of these things before -- but not as much; it wasn't as time consuming (ordering pizzas might seem time consuming when you're debating the best deal, but laying on that couch waiting for the pizza to arrive certainly makes life easier -- or does it?).
I feel as though I don't do enough, and yet I also feel as though I don't do enough for me, still. I look at all the working women with kids who are also doing the work to lose weight, and wonder just what I have to complain about.
I got my nails done on the cruise. I haven't done that in years. I don't even shape them anymore; I let them shape themselves. I liked it. I especially liked having someone do it for me. I spent quite a few minutes at the grocery store yesterday staring at the nail polish (I had to buy nail polish remover; I don't have any anymore), but finally realized just when would I ever have the time to do my own nails & actually let them dry?
I'm actually quite content not working. That wasn't always the case, but it is at the moment. But I do have to give some things up since I don't bring in any money -- things like manicures, personal trainers, the occasional massage.
So back to my question: are we selfish? I know it isn't selfish to want to be healthy. I know that everyone, working or not, deserves some me-time. I also know that if we don't lose the weight and get healthy, our time with our loved ones could be cut short -- maybe not literally, but when we can't play with our kids because we're too tired or take care of our homes because we're too tired, our loved ones are getting short-changed.
I wish losing weight wasn't so time consuming. In the end we get more energy in return, but that takes a while. I think we are selfish, to some degree, but I also think we *have* to be selfish. Just a little.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Don't you ever wonder what size you *really* are? Since sizes aren't standardized for women, there really is no answer. A size healthy is a nice one to aspire to.
What got me thinking about sizes (yet again) were the dresses I ordered before I left. They were on sale -- a pretty good sale -- and that's why I decided to gamble. Some things I can order without trying on; others are a crap shoot (and we just won't get into jeans).
I'd been wanting one of these dresses for a couple of years, but it was way more than I'd pay. Even on sale, it was expensive, but I really liked it. They've carried it for several years, as I said, but who knows if they'll still have it next year? My husband, surprisingly, said order it.
So the next dilemma was the size. Usually I'm a medium in dresses. This is a summer dress, so if I ordered my size, I'd still get some wear out of it this year, since it's still hot. If I ordered a small, maybe I'd be able to wear it next summer. The Website said it was running small, and to order up a size. I decided on the medium. It fits, but it will look better on me next year.
The other dress was also a gamble. It was more fitted, and I wasn't sure it would look good on me. Just a casual wear-around-the house dress, but I liked the cut and color (and the sale price). Once again, what size? This one was running large, and since it was semi-fitted, I chose a medium again. This one fits greats -- and I love it!
I'm sure you're not really all that interested in my shopping habits. The moral of my story? I just feel better when I'm wearing clothes that fit me well. That's why I've continued to buy new jeans as I've gone down in size. Sure, you can get away with baggy jeans for quite some time -- but you won't even realize how good you look until you wear something that fits right. I know it's hard when money is tight, but you can always get one or two pieces that really fit well.
I still have a long way to go. While I can't say I love the photos from the cruise, I can say I didn't cringe when I saw them. The potential is there. I was a little disappointed that my relatives didn't notice my weight loss at first, but then, they have a lot going on in their lives, and I realized that while 13 pounds may seem like a lot to me -- I know all the work that went into it, after all, it's not always that easy to see.
Until the day my SIL off-handedly said "you've lost a lot of weight". Of course it felt good!
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