Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Jealousy, that is. Yes, I admit it, I do get jealous of the people who lose weight easily. Or the ones who can eat anything they want to and stay thin.
I read before & afters in magazines a lot, and oftentimes you read "I just gave up the fried, the fast food, the sweets, the soda, whatever, and the weight just melted off me."
And I'm so envious. Because weight has never melted off me. I gave up the fried, the soda, etc. a long, long time ago. I rarely eat fast food. I only go out to eat about once a week. I exercise. And I just have to accept that it's harder for me than it is for some people. It's not always easy.
And then, of course, there's the naturally thin people. Some are very active. Some don't really eat a lot. But then there's my niece. She inherited her father's genes, luckily not our side of the family. Because I watched her last weekend, and she eats a lot! And she's thin. And beautiful. Of course, she does do both tennis & crew at home, so that probably has a lot to do with it, too, and at her age, I was a total couch potato and I binged.
So my goals for the month:
1800 cardio minutes
A minimum of 30 spark points a day
Drink 8 glasses of water 5 days a week
Blog five days a week
Eat salads for lunch or dinner 3 days a week
You'll notice I don't have a weight goal in there. Not even for inches. It's just too darn difficult for me to predict when the weight will come off, so I try to avoid weight goals. I have the long term goal of losing 10% of my body weight in one year, but for now, I need to keep my goals something I can measure and have some control over.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
One of the things my brother did at the Bat Mitzvah was to set up a candy bar. He had all sorts of penny candy, and hand painted jars for the guests to take candy home in. Luckily, just plain sugar isn't my thing. Chocolate, or sugar & fat, is. So I was easily able to resist. Things like tootsie rolls & jelly beans really aren't tempting to me. Not to mention the jars had a lot of the paint rubbed off, and that was my favor -- I spent hours on Thursday fixing most of them. I definitely had no desire to take one home!
I had planned to enjoy the meal and the dessert. I'd worked really hard the entire week before the Bat Mitzvah, with plenty of exercise and really healthy eating. The dessert was actually three small desserts: a cheesecake, a fruit tart, and a chocolate cake.
I took a bite of the fruit tart, but if I'm going to splurge, it's got to be really good, and it wasn't, so I left the rest. The cheesecake was quite good, and I ate most of that. The chocolate cake, sadly, wasn't that tempting, either, so I only took a bite of that.
I never deny myself anything, but if I do decide to eat dessert, it's got to be really good. I won't eat it just because it's there, and with a normal size dessert, I'll share it with my husband.
Cookies can be problematic for me, so most of the time I just don't keep them in the house. Although I do buy some large vegan chocolate chip cookies at Whole Foods, but I put them in the back of the refrigerator, and only have half a cookie once or twice a week, generally on days I've worked out particularly hard, like when I take the dogs to agility.
I've been really tired because of the antibiotics I'm taking, so I haven't been exercising as much as normal. Luckily, I also haven't been quite as hungry, so hopefully that will balance out. I only have a couple of more days and then I'm done with them. I'm looking forward to having some energy again.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Well, I made it home, finally, only about three hours late (about 1:30 am). Now, of course, my eye is almost back to normal. Talk about timing! I did fairly well eating-wise most of the time. Yesterday was hard, since my husband had to leave in the morning and I didn't leave until late evening as it turned out, and I was at the mercy of my family.
I got in my walk every day except for yesterday. I'm pretty committed when it comes to exercise, so that's not usually a problem. I think my biggest problem is just portion control. I like large portions, always have, and of course as I get older, you just can't eat as much, and healthy eating becomes even more important.
I've had my thyroid tested a bunch of times, and it's always been normal. I had a personal trainer, who was also a nurse, for quite a while who was just convinced that I had a thyroid problem. As much as I'd love to blame my weight on my thyroid, I'm also happier to be healthy.
So I wasn't happy with my weight. I definitely wasn't happy with my photos. But I knew that would happen. So now I'm just more determined to do my best, take it one day at a time & slowly, and get the weight off. I'm hoping that maybe in a year I can lose ten per cent of my body weight. Sure, I'd like to lose more, but that is a reasonable goal.
I can remember how about ten years ago we went on a cruise, and I felt so heavy then. Well, I've gained about thirty pounds since then. Now I'd be happy to look like that again!
But I will. I know I will. It'll just take hard work and time.
Friday, March 28, 2008
I spent so much time worrying how I would look at my niece's Bat Mitzvah, searching for a dress that would be flattering. And then a few days ago I thought I was getting a pimple above my eyebrow; it had that stretched, achy feeling.
Yesterday the sking around my eye started to swell. This morning we went to a walk-in clinic, since it's even more swollen, red, and tender. They're not quite sure what's wrong, but think maybe it's an infection under my the skin. So I'm on antibiotics. And I can't wear my contacts. And no one will notice my dresses, they'll just be staring at my eye! Oh well, it's not my day. But it is a pain.
Oh, and people have asked where my tracker is. I don't weigh myself; I don't have a scale, or even access to one, so it's kind of a moot point. They did weigh me at the doctor's, and it wasn't pretty. The weird thing is I was almost right-on with my estimation of my weight.
Eating hasn't been too bad, mostly. My mom did serve coconut shrimp & chicken wings (I swear sometimes she wouldn't recognize healthy food if it hit her), but she did at least have a large spinach salad. And since I did a big favor for my brother the next day, he fed me a great salad for lunch & sushi for dinner.
I've been able to get my walking in, but I'll skip my weight training today (I travel with resistance bands) because I'm really wiped out.
Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in quickly & I'll feel better. Nothing sucks so much as being sick all by yourself, since my husband will go back to where he's living for work Sunday, and I'll head home.
Oh, and the weight thing. I'm trying to use it as incentive. It's why I don't weigh myself, it's just so depressing to be that heavy,
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I have worked really hard for this break; I don't call family affairs vacations, since you never get to do what you want, when you want. Still, I've worked hard, and I know I have done my very best. In fact, my mantra is:
I have worked too hard to blow it.
I have had many other times when I wanted to be "good" before an event, but seemed more out of control than ever. So what made this time different? I'm not quite sure. Maybe just at a different point in my life.
Journaling helps a lot. In addition to blogging here, I journal (almost) every morning. It's part of Julia Cameron's "Writing Diet". Basically, if you're familiar with "The Artist's Way", it's morning pages. I don't know why, but they really seem to work. You just write three pages, stream of consciousness, longhand, in the morning. It helps declutter your mind.
I have written down my action plan for this break in my travel journal (sometimes my regular journal is too bulky to bring along, especially when I'm trying not to check bags). I have also written down why exercise is important to me, and the reasons I want to lose weight.
I know that no one will realize I've lost any weight at all. At last check, I'd lost a couple of inches around my waist & hips (I'm hoping a little more now, but I've been stuck for a while). But I'm probably back to the weight they last saw me at, or maybe even just a tad heavier. So that's disappointing. It's always nice to hear others acknowledging your hard work.
It's also disappointing that I am not completely happy with the way I look in my dresses. I most likely won't like photos of myself. But I can use that as a motivator to keep on keepin' on.
I'll be trying to log on & write, but we'll see how that goes. Depends on how much I can pry my husband's laptop from his hands.
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