Monday, February 28, 2011
I am, by nature, a cautious person. You might even say a fearful person. I know it probably doesn't come across that way in this blog, but it's true.
I am often amazed when I stop and chat with neighbors and they have no clue what the forecast is. I always know it, because I have dogs who don't like to get their paws wet. And they're little dogs, so they can only hold it so long. My neighbors have dogs, too.
This morning is a case in point. The forecast was for sleet changing over to rain. It was also supposed to be my first morning back to swimming. Only after all the shoveling and staying up later than normal to watch a little bit of the Oscars, I overslept.
I still had enough time to go. I checked the radar - looked like the nasty stuff was headed our way. Probably not by the time I'd have to leave, but probably by the time I'd be heading home. I let the dogs out. And then decided to stay home.
Was it the right decision? I don't know. I definitely could have gone - all we got by the time I would have got home was a little rain, and I really don't have that far to go.
Was my body ready for a swim? I don't know. I'm sure it would've made me feel really peaceful once I was done as it almost always does.
But I know my decision was mostly based on fear, and those are almost never good decisions.
As I was reading in a book recently, "When you choose to work toward healthy relationships, you often find things Need to change. You must choose to change, even when change is scary" (from The DNA of Relationships a free Kindle book - btw the book Ravenous recommended on the DailySpark is also a free download right now!).
That really spoke to me. Obviously something must change to unstick me from my plateau - I just don't know what! Or maybe deep down I do and I'm afraid to make the change.
The question, of course, is what to I have to lose by making a change? And what can I gain by making the change?
Today I lost my time in the pool by not overcoming my fear of the unknown. Yes, I gained a peaceful morning. Was it worth it? I don't know, I do know I cannot undo it, and maybe it was a lesson I needed today. To get me thinking about all of this.
Friday, February 25, 2011
I am feeling much better this morning - sort of. More energy again, anyway. I tracked what I ate yesterday, even if it wasn't quite my normal day of eating (more on that later). DH is still home - more on that later, too.
My period started out of the blue last night, 4 days early - explains the small weight gain, not feeling well, and my total lack of energy lately. So while I have more energy today, the tradeoff is the cramps. I think i'd rather have the cramps!
The weather prediction seems right - expecting anywhere from 6 to 10" of snow. This is why it's handy DH is still here - he can give me another snow blower lesson. I suspect he'll be all manly & want to do it himself, but his foot has been bothering him & he leaves for a business trip soon.
Not enough sleep. Simba woke me up at 3:30 am by throwing up. At least it wasn't on carpet or any furniture - altho it was partially on a throw rug. I am concerned about him - he seems healthy, but I know something is going on.
The Could've Been Ugly
I didn't know my period was imminent yesterday, but that explains not only the tiredness but the sudden desire for chocolate, too. Thankfully I started my day with a healthy tofu scramble with lots of veggies & a banana. A snack of roasted edamame & an apple. The day went downhill from there.
Got home from the zoo that food shopping before a potential major storm can be and was too tired - and too hungry - to fix what I'd planned for lunch. Cashini & chocolate oatmeal it was (I figured I'd already had 5 servings of freggies, with more planned.
My snack was an Ezekiel tortilla with a half tablespoon of chocolate peanut butter & half tablespoon of dark chocolate chips - only to remember afterwards that I was going to have a vitatop which probably would've been more filling!
I got back on track for dinner with an apple and whole wheat spaghetti with home made marinara sauce. And then detoured back into chocoholics' land with 2 le petit ecoliet dark chocolate cookies.
I say could've been ugly cause I tracked it all - while it wasn't what I planned or particularly healthy, it wasn't that bad, I didn't go over my range, and I did get in all my freggies, water, protein, etc. I don't regret it.
No regrets - that's part of what I'm working on with food this year. To try to take out the emotion as much as possible.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Whenever I run, especially when I run a race, I really question my sanity for wanting to do a HM. Running doesn't come easily to me; I'm slow, but competitive; at the end of every race - and my longest one to date is only 3 1/2 miles - I keep wondering just where the heck they've put the finish line.
Still, next year I turn 50. Running a HM when you turn 50 seems like a good challenge, especially when you just started to run at 48! I don't really have marathon dreams. I'm sure I could do it, if I put my mind to it, but I really just don't want to run for 6+ hours.
I've already been looking at them. I don't particularly want to do one here - no terribly exciting HMs in this area. I was considering Austin, even tho it doesn't fall on any of the great first HM experiences lists.
It has the nostalgia factor: I lived there for 17 years before moving here 2 years ago. It happens to fall right around my birthday. It MIGHT be warm - then again, there could be an ice storm - you never know at that time of year. It would be an easy sell to DH, and if he couldn't come, I'd still feel comfortable there.
And then synchronicity kicked in: my good spark buddy IFDEEVARUNS2 blogged about her own experience running it this year, and said she'd run it with me next year - altho she's both older & faster than me. But how could I pass up an opportunity to meet up with a dear spark buddy? And I have another good spark buddy who runs & lives in San Antonio.
Any other takers? It would be wonderful to meet & run with fellow sparkers. Feb. 19, 2012, btw. Now I have to pray for no injuries, illnesses, and good weather. But I'm already dreaming of dinner at Z Tejas . . .
Come run with me in Austin!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
There are many of life's little mysteries: why it so often snows on trash pickup day, or why there is a wet dog smell but no wet cat smell, for instance.
Weight, OTOH, is definitely one of life's BIG mysteries, and why I almost titled this blog what a difference 2 pounds make. I can actually SEE the difference in my face when I weigh 140 vs 138. My 140 face makes me unhappy; my 138 face makes me feel happy - it is less jowly and more angular.
DH & I were recently talking about one of my favorite quotes from "White men can't jump" , which goes something like "sometimes when you lose, you really win, and sometimes when you win, you really lose."
Well, sometimes when I lose, I feel as though I've gained, and sometimes when I've gaied, I feel as though I've lost - and sometimes I really know that I've lost. I'm typing this sitting in my focus jeans, and while a little tight, they almost fit. I am unsure of how I've done this week I'm hopeful that maybe I lost a little - altho that would be unusual after a week with a big loss, not to mention TOM is getting close and it wouldn't surprise me to have a gain.
What does it all mean? Why, absolutely nothing, of course. Cause it's not about a number, it's about how we choose to fuelmorselves. Maybe someday I'll even accept that.
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