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We're so hard on ourselves

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Today was my second group run. A lot of people signed up, but when I got there only 2 people were there. Two fast people - even tho the posted pace for this run is slow. Just as we were about to leave, a fourth person showed up. Thank god, cause otherwise I would've been running by myself - I could never have kept up with the other two.

But this woman and I were fairly evenly matched as we huffed & puffed, trying not to lose sight of the leaders.

And we chatted about running, about weight, about menopause, about this & that. And at one point she talked about how she thought she'd be able to run faster if she lost weight, and of course I agreed - about myself. And she said but you're slim!

Idon't feel slim in running gear, and I have such trouble running - still - that it doesn't make me feel slim, either. This woman wasn't that heavy, either, altho she could certainly stand to lose some weight.

We didn't go out for breakfast afterwards, which turned out to be a good thing cause right around this time DH had locked himself out of the house on our raised deck. I was going to go to the food coop, and wanted to get a veggie sandwich for tomorrow; I didn't really plan to go out tomorrow. Now I have to decide if the sandwich is worth going out for tomorrow, since obviously I went straight home to rescue DH - it was supposed to get into the 30s today, but right now it's really cold out there!

Since I didn't get my waffle after my run, I'm thinking waffles for dinner. Thankfully I'd put together a tempeh casserole before I left, with the intention of having it for dinner - I just popped it in the oven for lunch.

Yesterday I picked up a vegan hostess cupcake & twinkie for DH & I to share tomorrow. That was one of the things I tried to do Thursday, but couldn't find parking - that was the day I was so frustrated, and that was just one reason why.

Y'all will really get a laugh out of this. I stopped while writing this to have lunch, and as I'm eating it, all I taste is potatoes. And then I realized that I'd totally forgotten to put the tempeh in it & it was mostly potatoes!

So for today, try seeing yourself as other people really see you, not how that negative voice you hear in your head sees you. And if you can't, ask someone you love to tell you how they see you. It might just surprise you.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAYHIKER 2/14/2011 7:25AM

    Glad you got the run in with someone to make it more enjoyable! It's also good to know I'm not the only one who sometimes forgets things, like forgetting to put salt in a loaf of bread awhile back. Eeuw. I think we do talk more harshly to ourselves than to others and see us in a more negative light as well. Something to work on. Now I'm thinking about waffles... emoticon


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NATPLUMMER 2/13/2011 4:03PM

    I'm glad the slowish woman showed up so you'd have somebody to run and talk with. It's true we are so hard on ourselves. It's nice to have somebody else's perspective.
I'm glad DH was very happy that you rescued him.
Nothing wrong with potato casserole, except it's not to heavy on the protein. I think you'll need something protein-ish to have as a snack.
I didn't realize that Hostess made vegan stuff.

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HEALTHY4JEANNE 2/13/2011 2:44PM

    Judy, you are a hoot.
Good for you going for a run in a group. I am glad that you had someone that you could pace yourself with.
:) Jeanne

I find that I am always always harder on myself than i should be.

Comment edited on: 2/13/2011 2:45:52 PM

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SLIMMERJESSE 2/13/2011 2:44PM

    Yes, it's all relative, isn't it? I recently got that comment as well, and immediately thought about what slim means now, compared to a few years ago before hormones tidal waved me. (as well as other things, I admit) Hope you're having a good day. Congrats on another completed run. Good for you!

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Can my iPad make me fat?

Saturday, February 12, 2011

One of the the many attractions of my iPad is I can use it right in my living room, seated on my comfy couch that reclines. So I've got to be aware - weight loss is all about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, not about hunkering down & getting comfy!

Of course it's a tool that can be used for good as well as evil. I've got my turbulence training DVDs on it, so I can reference them as I workout as my own tunes are playing. I can put recipes into my WW app to find out how many points are in them, then stand it up in the kitchen to follow the recipe as I'm making it. I can input my food, my water, & my fitness into SP.

I just have to be mindful of how much butt-time i'm racking up.

Yesterday's massage was blissful. She had a heated massage table - never experienced that before - and also put something heated on my feet or neck depending on which body part she was working on. She even managed to massage my hands without causing me any pain - cause the cut still kills anytime it's bumped, which happens frequently.

Then we went out for a pre-birthday sushi dinner at my favorite sushi restaurant, and it was great. Not sure yet what we'll do on my actual birthday - which is soon & falls on a holiday so 3 guesses when it is.

And a shoutout to SKINNYPOWELL & DDHEART who are both running races this weekend - and to anyone else. Have a great time & a great PB!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 2/13/2011 8:06AM

    Kudos to such a wonderful treat for yourself...re: massage!


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HEYRED221 2/12/2011 8:18PM

    Aren't massages wonderful! I get my next one in about two weeks - cannot wait. Glad you enjoyed it.

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KARBIE18 2/12/2011 11:35AM

    Yep, totally understand the butt-time thing. Way too many sites I enjoy! Glad to hear you enjoyed your massage. It sounds heavenly!

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NATPLUMMER 2/12/2011 10:40AM

    Yes, we must all be aware of the butt-time!
I'm glad your massage went well. And sushi!! I'm sure you'll think of something you want to do n your actual birthday. I'm guessing it's Monday.
Have a great day!!

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SLIMMERJESSE 2/12/2011 9:53AM

    Yesterday, I got tons of fresh sushi and brought home for lunch today and Friday. It was so delish and from a trusted place. Glad your massage went well. I love them.

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TURTLE_MOM 2/12/2011 9:40AM

    I was on my hubby's ipad on my bike before - i got exercise while I was using it! ha!

Glad you had a great birthday dinner - sushi sounds divine!!!! So does the massage, you deserve the pampering!

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DAYHIKER 2/12/2011 9:23AM

    Your blog title made me laugh! Technology really can be dangerous due to the lure of settling in a comfy spot and browsing/reading. I don't have an iPad but I do have an iPhone and a nice laptop. Since I got the iPhone, though, I rarely boot up the desktop computer so it's been a blessing in that way.

The massage sounds heavenly!

I took to heart your idea of the Sticky Note app and my Lock Screen has my daily goals on it or some other SP reminder, including a nice picture of Chicago and a reminder that I can look forward to going the end of April. It's a much used app along with Shopping List and Home Routines.


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FRECKS96 2/12/2011 8:44AM

    Sounds like you had an amazing day yesterday! I'm jealous and may need to treat myself soon!

You're right about technology allowing us to become complacent while also providing support. I find myself spending too much time on my butt just browsing SP in general. Definitely something to be mindful of.

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Can a bandaid weigh 1 lb?

Friday, February 11, 2011

I'd like to think that it can. Those couple of pounds I lost a couple of weeks ago? They've found me again. And despite my pretzel & chocolate foray, the truth is I've eaten pretty healthy. Still have the pretzels, as a matter of fact.

Yesterday's blog was an attempt not to whine, but not today!

Yesterday I was at odds with the world. It was one of those days, where everything seems to go wrong. They didn't, of course, but I let it feel that way. Because there aren't too many really bad days -- we just let ourselves think they're bad days.

I was po'd at DH. I was angry at the world, I felt badly for being angry at the world, which of course only made me even angrier at myself.

The reason I struggle with what to eat on my birthday isn't a worry about backsliding. It's because I've been on a plateau just 8- 10 pounds from my GW - for a year & a half! Every time I lose weight I think I've broken it or at least figured out what I was doing wrong. And then I just gain back the weight.

I am thankful to a couple of my SP buddies for posting blogs yesterday that I really needed read - about being happy with where you're at & making this fun.

Today I get my massage, and I'm really looking forward to that. It's been 2 years since my last massage! It's quite cold - but not windy or snowy & I'll finally get out for an outside run. Next week we might even get up to 40F!


A little cheese to go with my whine.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NINEWESTGIRL 2/13/2011 12:50PM

    Hope the Massage was amazing! And Happy Happy Birthday! :)

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FRECKS96 2/11/2011 5:22PM

    Hope you enjoyed your massage! I am so looking forward to the warmer temps next week. Maybe with the spring thaw will come less stress and the final shedding of those last pounds.

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NATPLUMMER 2/11/2011 11:02AM

    I know how you feel about those last few pounds. I've been fighting them for a couple of years.
I may just need to amputate a limb.
I think you will feel much, much better after your massage!

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TURTLE_MOM 2/11/2011 10:39AM

    Enjoy your massage! Stress can make you hold on to weight! You are doing great, you are here sparking and keeping at it! You will hit that GW! Thinking of you!!!

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DAYHIKER 2/11/2011 8:31AM

    I can see why you are frustrated. You have really been diligent and still plateaued. And it seems that you frequently shake things up which usually helps, too. Skinnypowell might be on to something.

Enjoy your massage and, as Don said, let everything go. You're a fighter and a great inspiration and a great emoticon

Cindy emoticon

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SKINNYPOWELL1 2/11/2011 8:20AM

    A little cheese and whine is good every now and again. But now you blogged about it so you can SHAKE IT OFF. Go enjoy your massage.
You know I was stuck on a plateau for a long, long, loooonnnnng time and I figured out what works for me. UP the protein intake and stay away from processed foods, starches, only natural carbs. It's working for me, I've lost 5 pounds in three weeks since I started the new eating experiment. I realize it's not going to be a permanent way of eating, just something to throw me off the plateau. You'll get there.


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DDOORN 2/11/2011 8:10AM

    Savor the massage and just let everything go...perhaps by doing this a little SPARK and inspiration may come along to move you from whine to Woo Hoo! :-)


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What am I missing?

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I've been going back & forth on what to do on my birthday. I was hoping to go out for sushi - weather is looking a bit iffy, but might be ok, especially since the place I want to go is close to home.

And since sushi is semi-healthy, that might free me up for some dessert.

And then I got to thinking why can't I just eat whatever the heck I want for one meal? People do it all the time and still lose weight. I've done it & still lost weight, too. But sometimes I gain, which is part of what holds me back from treat meals. But sometimes I gain when I eat healthy, too.

And just when you thought this was a total whinefest, I got to thinking about what I'm really missing. When I was a teenager, I totally ate whatever I wanted. And I had frequent stomach problems. And I was fat. I was picked on. I was never asked out on a date.

As an adult, I didn't have much energy. Nothing fit. I had frequent insomnia. I'd come home from work and immediately change into sweats.

Once I first lost the weight with WW 20 yrs ago, I must admit that I've pretty much been eating healthy since then. But portion sizes continue to be a struggle. Still, I know it's a struggle worth fighting, because I know I don't want to go back to the never wanting my picture taken, always wearing black, low self esteem person I was just a few short years ago.

I will most likely have dessert on my birthday. But I won't feel deprived the next day when I don't. Because I'm not missing out on anything!

What are you missing?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANSASROSE67 2/10/2011 10:33PM

    I debated about this on my birthday (this week) too. I decided to order my favorite Mud Pie dessert from the restaurant we went to (we usually only eat there about once a year on my birthday). But God was trying to tell me something because when my daughter and I went to order the Mud Pie to share, the waitress came back and said they were out of it! So I had a few bites of my sister's carrot cake and that was ok too! Enjoy your treat and happy birthday.

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DDHEART 2/10/2011 9:10PM

    Were you inside my head on my walk today? These same thoughts were bouncing around in there though it's not my birthday coming up....not quite yet anyway. Like you I have pretty much decided I don't miss the unhealthy me and I have no nostalgia about the stressed out tired, overweight unhappy me either...I like the person I am right now and though I wonder sometimes what I'll be when I grow up, I like the here and now....Nope, I don't miss a thing!

hope your birthday is a good one!

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TEMPEST272002 2/10/2011 4:06PM

    20 years of generally eating healthy... cake on your birthday isn't going to derail you. Enjoy the sweet & then get back to your normal, healthy menu. emoticon

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HEALTHYASHLEY 2/10/2011 2:50PM

    I think people make too much drama about food. It is a special meal, once a year. Go out and enjoy what you want in moderation. It isn't like you as talking about eating 6 double downs from KFC and then heading off to DQ for dessert. Don't give it so much power or you are sucking all the pleasure out of what is supposed to be an enjoyable experience. Weight fluctuations happen. It is how you eat on a consistent basis that is the most important thing. Have a wonderful dinner and maybe a rainbow roll for me :)

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JRIMM4 2/10/2011 2:19PM

    Oh, I know! Have the Sushi and Fruit filled Gyoza for dessert! Yum and not the worst ever choice! Oh wait, thats the meal that *I* am planning this weekend! ENJOY your birthday!


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DAYHIKER 2/10/2011 10:09AM

    I'm split on this because sometimes I can have the cake and there's not a ripple in the rest of my plan but other times it's like Don said about it opening up the floodgates to disaster. You'll have to decide on The Day how you are going to approach it and I hope you can enjoy the day without being pulled off track. As well as you have been doing through trips and all I think you can do it!

Happy Birthday a little early! emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 2/10/2011 9:57AM

    You should definitely have dessert on your birthday. Everything in moderation.

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LEONALIONESS 2/10/2011 9:38AM

    ;) I'm "thin" and I immediately change into PJs/sweats and my big old slippers when I get home! Is that a bad thing? Hah.

For the record, I go to the gym immediately after work so when i get home I'm done for the day. Just have to cook, do dishes and relax. ;)

Also, I'm trying very hard to eat more/eat intuitively. I'm upping my fats and I feel SO MUCH better doing so. Almond butter and coconut butter are amazing. I really think that quite a few people are eating too little. What is your weekly mileage like? Runners of all stripes need to eat a little more since our metabolism is pretty good. I find when I eat too little (which I'm super guilty of, as you know) I either don't lose inches/fat or I feel heavier/squishier. I'm eating 2-300 more calories a day now and I look leaner (wth?)

Enjoy your birthday dinner. Dessert, too, if it's one you really want. I've found I'm more picky with dessert lately. I prefer to bake my stuff at home rather than eat ones at restaurants unless they are something I really love (fudgy brownies, coconut cream pie...)

Comment edited on: 2/10/2011 9:41:13 AM

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DDOORN 2/10/2011 9:22AM

    Getting back on track is the hardest thing for me once I've indulged in something. It's like the floodgates have been opened and it takes SUCH an effort to batten down the hatches again!

Which is why most times I choose not to indulge in the first place.


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SLIMMERJESSE 2/10/2011 9:21AM

    Wishing you a happy, wonderful birthday. I haven't been depriving myself of anything, and since this plateau has been going on and on, haven't gained.

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SKINNYPOWELL1 2/10/2011 8:08AM

    A dessert or a less than healthy meal every now and then is OK. It's really O.K. We have to let go and live a little, I read an article on Spark yesterday about the chick that ran the Krispy Kreme donut race. She spoke of a woman who wouldn't eat a donut, you should read it. It just said you have to "live" every now and then. I know you know this and it's hard to just let go of our healthy eating mentality, but you should definitely splurge a little on your birthday, by the way, what day is your birthday?

Don't be afraid to live on the edge occasionally. emoticon

What am I missing? Well last night I missed pizza, and the extremely yummy kind too. I made a piece of chicken with some steamed green beans. Did I miss it? a little.

I did chose to have a piece of the homemade pineapple upside down cake I made DH for his birthday, and was it worth it? YOU BETCHA.

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KISSFAN1 2/10/2011 7:59AM

    Happy birthday to you! emoticon That's a hard one because you know yourself better than anyone. I think it's fine for you relax on one day of the year and eat what you want (I don't mean a binge or anything, but a dinner you've been wanting but won't allow yourself to eat normally).

You said that you wouldn't feel deprived if you had dessert on your birthday but didn't have it the next day and if dessert is what you really want, then I'd go for it. You don't have to eat the whole thing if you find out after starting to eat it that it's not as enjoyable as you thought it would be.

You have a birthday once a year so splurge if you really want to on that one day and enjoy your day!

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You know you're a runner when . . .

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

. . . you stop buying clothes, but start buying running gear!

One of the things I'm working on this year is to control my spending. So I'm mostly staying out of the malls, haven't set foot in TJMaxx or Marshalls in months, recycle the catalogs without opening them.

In addition to my iPad, however, I'm using some of my recent windfall to invest in good running clothes, like the new balance nbx windblocker jacket that arrived yesterday and the cw-x insulator compression tights I just ordered.

Be careful if you decide to take up running -- it can cost you a lot of money for something that is touted as not needing a lot of equipment!

Today, however, I need to get back to my daily kitchen cleaning routine -- I've seriously let that slide and the kitchen is a mess. Why is it I can mostly control my eating, have little trouble with exercise, but a clean household still eludes me?

I want to run today -- indoors -- but the satellite has thrown a major fit & I can't tape the Today show, which is what I usually watch while running on the treadmill. I might try watching some of it on my iPad -- not sure whether or not that will be annoying, but there's only one way to find out. Or maybe that episode of private practice that didn't tape for reasons unknown. I hope it thaws out before tonight, cause I do have a couple of shows that should tape tonight.

Any great running equipment purchases lately?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKFEREBEE 2/14/2011 11:34AM

    Better to invest in workout gear than to spend an astronomical amount of money on medical expenses! I've purchased 3 pairs of running shoes since December, but all together they total less than $100 due to clearance or sale prices.

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LEONALIONESS 2/10/2011 9:45AM

    Protip: check thrift stores (Savers is our local one, I think it's a nationwide chain, though). I've bought MANY items of brand new (with TAGS on) running clothes. Nice pants, sweet jackets, etc. I think people buy them thinking they'll take up running and then... don't. So they donate the stuff new or near new. And then I snag it up for a couple bucks and do a happy dance. ;)

I'm still really loving my Sugoi Subzero tights (great for cold runs) and my Sugoi balaclava (also for cold/windy runs) and I totally love my wide assortment of bondiband sweat bands. I find they soak up so much stuff that if I run without one on I'm SOAKED like 75% more than if I have the band on. Weird!

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ASHERAH38 2/9/2011 4:03PM

    I have had to cut back on my spending too but I want to invest in a good pair of snow boots and hopefully the end of season sales have begun and I will find a good pair on sale. That's my Valentine gift to myself.

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DAYHIKER 2/9/2011 9:36AM

    I can so relate! Comfort makes all the difference when you're running! I am that way about my hiking gear! emoticon

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MZSLYDE01 2/9/2011 7:04AM

    I am purchasing the ZUMBA tonight for the Wii. That's it for the major spending.

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SKINNYPOWELL1 2/8/2011 10:55AM

    I bought a hot pink running jacket last week, and tonight, look out, I'm leaving my credit card at home. Tonight at our local running store they are having DIVA night, a ladies night of sales, mini-seminars, demonstrations, new products, etc. Gonna be a fun night, just hope I can control myself, leaving the plastic at home should help, but I have a little cash stash in the wallet, just in case of an emergency and a sale on running gear is DEFINITELY an EMERGENCY !!!!!

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NATPLUMMER 2/8/2011 10:21AM

    I think workout gear is a good investment.
"Why is it I can mostly control my eating, have little trouble with exercise, but a clean household still eludes me?" Me, too. If you find the answer do let me know.
I just ordered some new shirts and a pair of capris from RoadRunner Sports.

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D_K455 2/8/2011 10:05AM

    The only running things I have bought lately is a treadmill. Mine wore out.

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DDHEART 2/8/2011 9:36AM

    Wait! I'm still laughing!! Running has led me to some different shopping venues....my last purchase was very basic however...4 great new jog bras and Friday I'm planning to pick up some jog bra singlets I saw the last time I was in town....

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FRECKS96 2/8/2011 9:33AM

    I haven't picked up anything recently, but you're right...I do tend to think twice before I buy regular clothes but I am much more inclined to impulse buy workout clothes (especially on clearance!) Interesting how things change.

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IFDEEVARUNS2 2/8/2011 9:09AM

    Yes, I could have written this blog - actually, I wrote something like it once. New passion, new toys!
And the cw-x insulator compression tights! I love mine, and strongly believe I never could have run that marathon without them.
I can't remember the last time I bought regular (work) clothes. But I don't hesitate to buy running clothes, or running accessories.
My son gave me a gift card to Sports Authority for Chanukah, something we both laughed at. Who would have thought!!!!

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SLIMMERJESSE 2/8/2011 9:00AM

    I have curtailed my spending recently and am doing great. Amazing how much "a little bit" adds up when it doesn't disappear for a minor shopping spree. Enjoy your new gear.

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