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The F-word

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

As in fear. As in what still so often holds me back. I think this is definitely something I have to work on for 2011.

I am definitely thinking of doing the Hangover 3 1/2 mile race on New Year's Day. I waffled back & forth for a long time. At first the weather looked bad, but right now it's looking pretty good. Hopefully we'll be above freezing! It might rain, but it's a relatively small chance.

The fearful me says I can just run in my neighborhood. That way I don't have to spend time driving to the race, walking around in the cold waiting for it to begin (and not knowing anyone), I don't have to worry about getting lost, and I don't have to fear being last (considering that I think about a couple of hundred people run it).

But the me that says fear is part of what keeps me from reaching my GW says that the weather is looking good so far. That I have to push myself out of my comfort zone, and if I get lost? Well, it's an experience, and experiences are never bad -- it's only our thoughts about our experiences. And most things are never as bad as we fear they will be anyway!

I may change my mind if the weather goes south.

At the moment the sun is sparkling on the new, powdery , white snow. No doubt it will be hidden behind clouds by the time it warms up enough to walk the dogs this afternoon -- when hopefully the sun will have melted the snow still somewhat covering the roads. We did not walk yesterday, but I'm hoping we'll get out this afternoon.

The dogs had fun racing around their paths this morning, but didn't want to stay out long and who can blame the -- still in the teens. In fact, when we were out shoveling yesterday, it was 15 but was supposed to feel like -5 with the windchill. I actually didn't notice. The layers, my ski-type pants, and the activity all kept me warm.

Took about an hour all told to clear the driveway, front walk, and make paths for the dogs in the backyard -- with me shoveling and DH snow blowing. I think we got about 9", he thinks we got a foot.

When I told DH that I planned to run yesterday, his eyes got really big. Well, I never said I planned to run outside! No, I ran on the treadmill.

And that's it for my ramblings. I'm noting some races down on my calendar today.

So do you think fear holds you back from living the life you want? What fears are you working on?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEYRED221 12/28/2010 5:36PM

    Great blog.

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DDHEART 12/28/2010 5:34PM

    Less and less these days! I am learning to take the power away from the things I fear and strive toward my dreams/goals.

Now....do the run! You won't have a hangover I know so that puts you one up! If the weather is crummy, everyone will be "enjoying it" there's something about being part of a group doing something like this that helps to remove the "stranger factor" during my last race, I had running conversations with other runners who temporarily paced me (I soon became roadkill to them but while we ran together they graciously commiserated about the weather..at that time it was the heat...and we shared how we were doing). I love your getting the wide eyed look of what disbelief or admiration from your husband....think running the race is worth it just for the reaction you will get from him!

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XFITSTRONG 12/28/2010 4:11PM

    Oh, do the race!!!! Would this be your first one? The energy at these races is so exciting. It will motivate you and pump you up and suck you in so hard you will be looking for every race available in your area... wanting to beat your times from past races. I hear ya about the F-word. I have really had to fight it! Look at me... signing up for a 1/2 marathon (in less than 4 weeks!) when the longest I have ever run is 6 miles. And it is on a trail in the woods and I have no sense of direction. The fears of being LOST and LAST are strong! Don't worry about the weather! Once you get running you will warm up and feel amazing. I hate the cold, but I love to run in it. I feel amazing! You can do it!!!! Can't wait to hear all about it!

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KASHMIR 12/28/2010 2:56PM

    I'll add my 2 cents to the rest who say, "Do It!"

Think of how empowering it will be to know you began the Year by setting your fear aside and did something new!!!

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IFDEEVARUNS2 12/28/2010 2:34PM

    I've run all of my races alone except for the marathon - when I was with one of my training group members for five miles. I don't mind running races alone - training is another matter. You won't be last, and if you are, so what?
I'm a fine one to talk! You know what scares me, what I really don't like doing? Picking up the phone to call someone! Now THAT's silly.... and I have to fight this every day.

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STIPER23 12/28/2010 11:17AM

    Have fun at the race! I always worry about getting lost or being last, but neither has happened. I ran my last 5k race in the evening in the dark, but managed to cross the finish line. The volunteers were very helpful. I ran my last 5k alone, too. My DH and son were there, but they weren't running. Good luck! emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 12/28/2010 10:49AM

    You can totally do the race! I can't wait to read your blog about it!
I'm planning to do a 5k at the end of January (as long as my knees and feet are feeling okay...that's my only real fear since my husband is going to run it with me). I've never even run outside.

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EDWINA172 12/28/2010 10:39AM

    Be more afraid of not fullfilling your dreams. Be more afraid of how you will feel if you don't run the race. You will not get lost, you will not be last. Imagine yourself after the race. Imagine celebrating your finish! Do this. Be bold in the New Year. Keep us posted.

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SKINNYPOWELL1 12/28/2010 9:01AM

    Look FEAR in the eye, and run the race. You can do it and you will be soo glad you did, what a way to start the new year.

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DDOORN 12/28/2010 9:00AM

    GO FOR IT!

Regarding fear, I love this quote: "Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them." ~ Brendan Francis

I remember the apprehension and fear I felt before tackling my century ride. Was I *really* ready for this? Would I fail and slink away mortified and embarassed...?

The rewards are so WONDERFUL when we PUSH ourselves through our fears!

Yep, there are risks...but a life without risk is no life *I* want to be living...!


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KKKAREN 12/28/2010 8:44AM

    Run the race, you'll be glad you did.

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The rewards of hard work

Monday, December 27, 2010

This is what we woke up to this morning. Well, of course it wasn't shoveled when I woke up. About half a foot of light, powdery snow (thank God, not the heavy stuff) and it's still snowing furiously. They seem to have got it right, except for the fact that it started much later in the day than predicted.

I have little dogs. Some little dogs don't care about getting wet, but mine would prefer most anything to getting their little paws wet. So last year my husband built this shelter for them. They only used it a few times. Most of the time they still run out into the snow; go figure.

Sorry for the indelicate position in this next photo.

This morning they took one looked at the as-yet-to-be-cleared walk and backed right away from the door. So I went out, knocked snow off the roof of their shelter, shoveled snow away from the door area, and shoveled a path to the big pine tree near the fence.

I still had to go pick up Chester & physically carry him outside, but he did do his business -- in the shelter! -- which makes DH happy. Lola is stubborn. She ran around a bit, even circling, circling, circling under the shelter, but did nothing.

So what's my point? I love my animals, but they sure can be a whole lot of work. Snow is certainly pretty when you can hole up inside with a cup of hot cocoa and just watch it falling. But these guys gotta go outside. And because they're so small, I have to shovel paths for them in the backyard.

Think about shoveling your driveway. Your front steps. And THEN having to shovel paths in in your backyard, too!

For me, tho, the rewards of sharing my life with these guys outweigh the hard work they bring into my life.

Just like the rewards from being a smaller size far outweigh all the hard work it takes to get there.

Oh, and if you actually like & miss snow, I sure wish I could wave a magic wand & just send it your way! I never missed it when I lived in Austin. Not once in 17 years. We did actually get snow a few times, but only a dusting.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKINNYPOWELL1 12/28/2010 12:00PM

    A doggie shelter, what a great idea. Neat-O !!!!
My hubby shoveled a patch in the grass for our little baby to go out in the snow yesterday. Lots of maintenance for such a little dog, but sooo worth it. We love our little ROXZI.

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DDHEART 12/27/2010 6:22PM

    Consider those little guys your personal trainers.....when you've done the other shoveling and want to go in and warm up...they're right there to say...no way! you've got more shoveling to do!!

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TEMPEST272002 12/27/2010 9:54AM

    Isn't funny the lengths we'll go for our little fur babies?! I'm laughing thinking of you shovelling your way out to the shelter & then trying to convince the dogs to use it!

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NATPLUMMER 12/27/2010 9:54AM

    Snow always looks pretty, but yes it's a lot of work. It is nice that there is a shelter for the dogs.
You did get in some major exercise with the shoveling...you can definitely enjoy your hot cocoa now. emoticon

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IFDEEVARUNS2 12/27/2010 9:13AM

    You should apologize to the dog, not us! My dog is mortified if we catch her in that position, truly and completely ashamed. Actually, I think she feels vulnerable.
It does look like you burned a lot of calories with that shovel. And how sweet of your hubby to build that shelter!

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MARIE625 12/27/2010 9:04AM

    I have a Great Pyrenese. The dog is supposed to be living on snow covered mountain tops. Our Pyrenese, however, won't come up the porch steps if there is a single snowflake on them. He goes down, but not up. Which means I then have to put my boots & coat on, go out the front door, around the house, shovel the snow away from the gate so I can open it, put the leash on the dog, make the other dog understand that Max & I are not going for a walk and she shouldn't be so jealous, get Max out of the gate without letting Minnie out, then back around to the front of the house where I have to drag/shove the big dumb dog up the couple of steps and back into the house. I really hate snow. LOL

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DOGMOMMA2THREE 12/27/2010 8:49AM

    You really made me laugh this time with the "outdoor dog potty" shelter! I thought we were the only oddballs out there that did such things! When Peaches was a wee little thing she loathed going into our back garden to do her business although relished going for walks in all kinds of weather! My father used to take the snowblower and make complex trails in our backgarden just for her. Once we had so much snow he actually made tunnels for Peaches! I'm going to have to try to find the pictures.

I'd love to have some snow....we were forecast a storm and we can still see the grass! This is so unusual for living in the north atlantic!

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DDOORN 12/27/2010 8:46AM

    They got it "wrong" for us...totally missed Binghamton...*maybe* 1-3 inches by the end of the day...I want my snow-shoveling cardio...boo hiss! :-)


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KISSFAN1 12/27/2010 8:37AM

    I wish it was still snowing here, I love snow! We still have snow here but I'm sure it will melt tomorrow since it's supposed to get in the 40's then.

I bet you burned off some major calories shoveling that snow. Go enjoy your hot chocolate now since you took care of your pets's needs and enjoy that beautiful snow falling down.

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Baby steps . . . or dream big?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

I read an article yesterday that actually suggested the reason a lot of people don't meet their goals is because of those baby steps -- which flies in the face of everything I believe.

I know that baby steps work. It is how you train dogs (or humans), by breaking down tasks into small steps. And if they don't get it, you break down the task into even smaller steps.

For instance, right now DH is trying to train the dogs to get used to a dremel tool -- basically so you can grind their claws instead of clipping them (it's actually supposed to hurt them less). And instead of just rewarding them for being by him when he turns it on, he'll hold out til they sit or give him their paw. Too big a step. I've gently tried to suggest that, but he never listens (even tho he admits that I'm good with training).

Yet this article suggested that the very reason people fail at weight loss is because they set too small goals; that they don't dream big enough and the small goals aren't motivating enough.

Which got me to thinking. I try hard to think about anything when my initial reaction is "no way!". So far my baby steps haven't broken my plateau. Do I need to dream bigger? Have I not picked a goal that I am truly passionate about (another piece of the equation)?

I don't know yet. I'm just mulling all this over. I don't have the answers; just thought I would share.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASHMIR 12/28/2010 2:20PM

    I used both in my weight loss...I planned and worked toward a 2lb per week loss goal, with small rewards built in when I'd hit a milestone. But...I always had my final goal of 125 lbs out there, visible, and motivating me to keep on going...I also had my final goal reward of a trip to Hawaii sitting out there as motivation as well.

The other side of that equation, when I reached my goal weight, and took that trip, I started gaining again...now I'm struggling to get back to where I was in 2009. The goal remains the same, I know I can do it since I did it once before, but it's not happening. There is something skewed in my mindset this time around that is holding me back.

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DOGMOMMA2THREE 12/28/2010 9:34AM

    Interesting....but I know baby steps are working for me....at this stage. Might have to change them to giant steps later!

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DDOORN 12/26/2010 6:28PM

    I know sometimes I can be my own worst enemy by NOT taking baby steps. Thinking, for instance, 'oh, too late to get an hour in on the treadmill, so why bother with 30 mins.?'

Do I know how to shoot myself in the foot, or what?!?!

Many a mountain has been scaled by that one baby step at a time...!


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DEE797 12/26/2010 12:14PM

    Another terrific blog....Baby steps towards the long term goal but establish smaller short term goals to keep you on track.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/26/2010 12:13PM

    Can you not have both? I think you can... you have to have an idea of where you are going, but work towards it on a daily basis.

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EOSTAR_45 12/26/2010 11:26AM

    Interesting conundrum isn't it. I think and know that baby steps do work. I like baby steps.

I kinda see what the author means (I think): We need to dream BIG, reach for the stars, challenge ourselves! And sometimes we do fail to do that. I know I do. I will let one thing or another hold me back, some excuse keep me from even trying--BUT I am getting better. And once I set those BIG Goals, I still choose to move towards them by breaking them down into smaller more manageable goals aka baby steps otherwise I get overwhelmed and just freeze and do nothing:-)

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SHEILA1505 12/26/2010 11:12AM

    I've been thinking about this and I think no matter what size the steps are, as long as they are in the right direction, and have the long term goal as the ultimate intention then those steps will get us there


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NATPLUMMER 12/26/2010 10:51AM

    I think you need to have the long term goal in mind, but work in smaller stages by having short term goals to reach. That way the big goal doesn't seem as daunting.

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KEAKMAN 12/26/2010 9:11AM

    I will be interested to follow your progress on this one Judy. I am a dreamer of big dreams. I love thinking about and planning for some great and glorious future goal. But I do see the practicality of baby steps. They aren't much fun, but they get the job done. Sometimes, though, I think (at least I) need some epic struggle to throw myself into heart and soul. I know this isn't your way - no 100 pushup challenges for you, right? But maybe I need to use a little more of your way, and you need a little teeny bit of my way, to make it all work.

Keep on thinking and talking about this, and let us know how and what you are thinking and what is working or not working for you! I am very interested!!

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FRECKS96 12/26/2010 8:37AM

    I think you need both-actually, all 3. Long-term, medium-term and short-term goals.

The long term goals are the end all-be all. Goal Weight, A Certain Race, A physical or education achievement.

Medium term goals are benchmarks. The steps along the way to check in. (Every 10 pounds, a certain distance, a semester of school or certain grades in one class)

Short term goals are the baby steps or action steps to reach your goals. They are the day to day things that helps us: drinking water, running a certain number of miles/week, doing your homework or studying X hours/day.

Don't throw the baby steps out, but maybe focus on the middle benchmarks more. You might be ready to take bigger steps to get there.

Good Luck!

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BESSHAILE 12/26/2010 6:48AM

    Interesting puzzle. I know I had a Big Goal that I wasn't committed to - and eventually strayed away from it. the straying put me someplace that scared the bejeezus out of me - to the point that I was afraid and also considering not trying anything at all - but I knew if I did nothing I would be back where I began 8 years ago - looking like a purple beach ball, when I wore my 'skinny' sweater.

The only way I could get a handle on my weight this time around was to take very baby steps. And they are working for me.

I think, baby steps or big dreams can help you on your way - but it depends on the steps, the dreams, and where your head is at the present moment. And who's to say you can't have both at the same time?

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Being present & guilt-free

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Guilt comes in small & big packages (appropriate for today, no?). Sometimes I get stuck in a rut. I like something so much, I eat it every day. Sometimes it's even healthy! And sometimes it's mostly healthy, with a tablespoon of indulgence thrown in. Enter my current fav breakfast: peanut butter cup oatmeal.

I've written about this before, but I've refined it to make it a tad healthier. 1/2 cup oats, topped with 1 tbsp almond butter (no sugar! only almonds! sometimes raw!) and 1 tbsp Ghiradelli bittersweet chocolate chips. Oh, and 1 tbsp ground flaxseed mixed in.

But I've found those small indulgences + a bit less exercise = weight gain.

I found myself feeling guilty about that 1 tbsp of chocolate chips. And how silly is that?

This morning I employed a technique I'd read about -- and use sometimes -- to stay present. To simply tell myself what I'm doing: I'm cutting vegetables, I'm cleaning the kitchen, I'm sweeping the laundry room -- to keep my mind on what I'm doing, not the million other things I should be doing.

This morning the refrain was: I nourish my body with healthy whole foods. Rather than beat myself up about a silly tablespoon of chocolate chips (yes, I measure them out), I focused on the positive.

I'm betting you could use these techniques today. Let me know what you do. And let me know what you get! Curious minds want to know.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOGMOMMA2THREE 12/27/2010 8:56AM

    Another interesting blog! I have never heard of such a technique but it seems to be a great idea to keep my mind from racing from task to task instead of concentrating on one thing as a time.

Remember the mindset several years ago that we should all "multi-task"? It supposedly would help us all get that much more done in a shorter time frame. Well, I actually read a study done by some university that this is a bad idea! It causes your mind to race and you are actually less productive in the longterm.

As for the peanut butter and chocolate chip oatmeal..sounds delish! Life is too short to worry about cutting out a little bit of healthy indulgence!

Hope you are having a great day!

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DEE797 12/26/2010 12:11PM

    Other great blog. Staying present in the moment is something I have a hard time with. Thanks for the reminder.

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NATPLUMMER 12/25/2010 1:25PM

    I put 1 tbsp chocolate PB2 (defatted dehydrated peanut butter) in my oatmeal. Sort of like yours.
Great idea to remind yourself what you're doing...be present in the moment. I have to remember to do that.

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KARBIE18 12/25/2010 8:43AM

    I've read about the techniques you mentioned - the first one I use when I'm taking my thyroid meds in the morning, because when I first started taking them, I'd be so preoccupied with getting ready for work that I'd forget whether I took them or not. So I'd say, "I am taking my pill." and that solved that. I have also used it at other times when I catch my mind spinning, and it works great. Similarly, when I catch myself eating mindlessly, I use the other technique. It isn't necessarily to relieve guilt, but to actually have the opportunity to ENJOY the healthy, yummy foods I'm choosing. Nothing frustrates me more than when I look down and it's gone, and I barely remember tasting it.

I'm thinking, if I could remember to say it to myself every time I sit down to eat, food would be so much more satisfying. Thanks so much for this insight! I'm going to use it as part of my January GOYAAM plan (but I'm going to start today! Why wait?)

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DDHEART 12/25/2010 8:25AM

    Good techniques! Now....I'm going to the kitchen to make my oatmeal and I'm going to put some of my homemade almond butter (just wonderful ground almonds) in it...thanks.

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SYLVIALYNN2 12/25/2010 8:24AM

    I have a friend that says try eating a little less than you did yesterday. Have you tried cutting the chips back to 2 teaspoons? I find that often, I can be happy with just a little less. I first started by cutting sugar in recipes 1/8th cup at a time, until I reached the point where I still enjoyed it but was eating less. I did the same when switching to skim milk and whole wheat flour.

Your oatmeal sounds delicious and I think I will try it. Remember we do need some healthy fats and almonds are good for us in small doses. Now, I wonder how half a chopped apple added to the mix would taste?

Thanks for sharing. Hoping you have a wonderful Christmas Day.

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Do you ever just want to slap someone?

Friday, December 24, 2010

And no, I am not referring to DH this time.

I have chatted up a number of members at my WW meetings. And all the ones I meet for the first time always say "you don't have any weight to lose" and I just want to slap them.

I know in their minds they believe this, and that they also believe they are complimenting me. But the truth is I'm still 10 lbs away from my GW (depending on the week), stuck in a plateau, and probably 20 lbs away from a really healthy weight.

And I resent that $40 I have to pay every month.

Of course, then they ask how much weight I have to lose, and the usual reply is "that's nothing" and I just want to slap them even harder.

Oh, the assumptions we make! If it's nothing, then how come I'm not at my GW already? And do you have any idea how much weight I've lost so far and how hard it was and how long it took and what I looked like before (no, of course not)? And that fact that I'm very short makes those 30 lbs more like 50 lbs on a normal sized person?

Still, I am proud of myself for not giving up this time. For sticking with what I know works, no matter how hard it is and how frustrating it is at times. I have been at this point before -- more than once -- and given up.

I am proud that I have maintained that weight loss for over a year now. It would be oh-so-easy to say what's the point and stop exercising and start eating whatever I want to eat.

I am proud that this time I have stuck with running, even tho it's hard, even tho it doesn't come naturally to me.

I am even proud of myself for showing restraint and not slapping people around -- maybe just a little eyeroll.

There is ALWAYS something to be proud of. What are you proud of?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BERRY4 12/28/2010 3:39PM

    It feels demeaning when someone doesn't value what you work to do or accomplish. We all get caught in that "comparison trap" and when someone does it to us, it feels a like we've been cut down (to make them look more needy???).

So I get the feeling(s) you experienced at WW. And no, others haven't walked in your shoes to know the work and effort you have put out...and continue to put out!

I'm tall and can mask a lot of my weight, but it doesn't mean that I'm at a healthy weight. So when I work to make good food choices and exercise regularly, I get cut down about being fanatical or out of balance to want to be at GW (set by my doctor).

I really have to work to put comments made "out to pasture" and realize that I know what is best for me. I keep working on thinking about what is true about the lifestyle I want and what will help me get where I want to be.

Hang in there and keep your eye on the goal!

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KARBIE18 12/25/2010 8:24AM

    I have wanted to slap someone before, but not over the subject of weight loss. When people tell me I don't need to lose anymore, I definitely take that as a compliment. But I haven't ever had anybody tell me ten pounds is nothing, because, like you, for me losing ten pounds can take huge amounts of time and effort.

You SHOULD be proud of yourself for maintaining, and for sticking it out. I'm with FCARMICH - take the compliment, smile, and walk away.

I'm proud of myself for maintaining as well, despite a job that used to send me straight to the pantry. I am also proud of myself for babysteps on my clutter, budget and emotional reactivity. I've come a long way, and I can't thank you enough for your support the last few years.

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LARIESHA 12/24/2010 1:56PM

    Oh my I know exactly what you mean! Kind of like the lady at Costco yesterday that stole my parking space from the wrong side of the street. I wanted to run her over! I wish you all the best in your journey.

I am proud of you for being honest and letting others know how you feel. They really don't know what one struggles with everyday! Keep a positive mind and you will do well. I like the eyeroll I might have to try that one.

Comment edited on: 12/24/2010 1:57:53 PM

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XFITSTRONG 12/24/2010 11:28AM

    I can so relate! These last 10-20 lbs are such a struggle and I hate it when people tell me it's nothing! And that I look fine where I am at now. I know they are meaning it as a compliment, but they do not understand at all. Totally understand your vent!!!

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NATPLUMMER 12/24/2010 9:39AM

    Want to slap someone, me??? Of course. ;-)
Being short definitely does not help in the weight loss area...believe me, I know from experience. Sometimes I think I'll ever get back down to my goal weight.
You have done a fabulous job! Keep sticking with it.
I'm proud that I am still plugging away at losing these few pounds. They may be a few to most people but damn it, I've got clothes I want to wear again!!
emoticon emoticon

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KISSFAN1 12/24/2010 8:35AM

    Yes, comments, especially the one about "That's nothing" would have really irritated me to no end. I went to Weight Watchers when I was a teenager or maybe I was 20 or so, don't remember which. I had about 10-15 pounds to lose and at the time it felt like an 100 pounds.

The terrible, ugly looks and stares and comments I got made me not ever go back to Weight Watchers ever again. I mean they were downright ugly to me and acted like 10-15 pounds was nothing, but at the time it was a lot to me. My pants were all super tight or didn't fit and it's not I could afford new ones.

Like you, I'm short (5' 4 1/2" tall) so even 10 pounds show up a lot faster on me than it does my mother, sister, aunts, cousins, etc. because they are so much taller than me.

I'm short waisted as well so any fat in that area makes me look like a huge block of fat coming at you.

You should be very proud of yourself for all that you have accomplished. I feel the last 5-6 pounds are horrible to get off. I can't seem to get to my goal weight at all.

Have a wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate) and just answer their questions the next time with "I haven't decided yet on how much my goal weight is".


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SHEILA1505 12/24/2010 8:25AM

    And I'm glad to be your friend and on this journey with you - don't you think the final 10lbs are tougher than the first 10?? They seem to cling with superglue to their fingertips!!


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DOGMOMMA2THREE 12/24/2010 7:51AM

    Well, first of all I'm very proud to be your SparkFriend because I just love reading your blogs!

Secondly, I agree with you about some people who attend WW or other weight loss meetings. They assume because you don't have 50 pounds to lose that you are somehow "in it" for the wrong reason. It was one of the main reasons I gave up going to WW! Ours was a mostly female group and believe me, women are our own worse enemies.

You are doing great and everybody knows it is easier...much easier to lose the first 10 pounds then the last 10 pounds!

Sending hugs your way.....Susan

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FCARMICH 12/24/2010 7:47AM

  Take the compliment with a smile and walk away.

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