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One day of mindless eating

Friday, July 23, 2010

No, don't worry, I'm not being literal here. But how often I wished that I could just eat whatever I wanted -- even for just one meal. Even when I tell myself that I can, I rarely actually let myself. I tell myself I won't count points for a meal but I pretty much always do.

In fact, last Thursday's sugar dive was actually all tracked. And the truth is that's probably part of why I didn't gain weight this week.

But sometimes I just wish I could eat like a person who never had a weight problem, like the people we know that seem to eat all kinds of crap (or carp for Kate) and never gain an ounce.

Only I realized that I could. When I let go of the guilt, when I eat mindfully, when I eat slowly and savor my food, then I can eat what I want. Oh, maybe I'll never be able to eat all kinds of crap and still stay thin. Hey, who am I kidding -- I know I can't eat all kinds of crap and stay thin.

Even now I find myself sometimes rushing thru my meals even when there's no rush. As if I have to eat fast so that there will be enough, even tho I'm all by myself. And you know what happens when I eat like that? I'm not satisfied because I didn't really taste my food. What a surprise.

So I've been practicing. I buy these healthy cinnamon chips that are like crack. I weight out a portion and put it in a bow. I sit down, and I eat a few chips. Then I stop. Yup, you heard me, I stop in the middle of eating.

I wait a few seconds. Then I may eat a few more, or I may ask myself how I'm feeling. Am I still hungry? Am I satisfied?

I did this yesterday. Only I decided to live dangerously. I'd already eaten a very satisfying salad for lunch, but I had been starving right before. Still, I sat down with the entire bag of chips in my hand and I didn't weigh out a protion.

I ate a few. How do I feel? Still hungry. OK, a few more. Remember, eat it slowly. Savor it. Really taste it. How do I feel now? And so on. In the end, I did eat 2 servings instead of one, but that isn't the end of the world and I'm still pretty proud of myself. I'm a work in progress.

So, now on to a few goals. I know most people do this at the beginning of the month, but you already know I'm not most people.

So, I am back to trying to write out a daily goal for msyelf. I know that that was helping, but I got busy and got away from it and now I know I need to get back to it. But I need more than that. So let's try some monthly goals.

Take the dogs to Petsmart at least once a month. It's a great place to work on socialization (assuming that there are other dogs there -- I'll have to find a time when there are usually dogs there). They may be almost 5, but socialization work never ends.

Fit into my focus jeans comfortably by the end of August. They almost fit now; I really want them to fit -- and it doesn't actually matter what the number on the scale says, it matters what I do. So here's what I'm going to do:

1. Try to keep at 27 points or below per day, on average.

2. Keep portion sizes in check. This is IMPORTANT -- it's one of my biggest failings. If that means more weighing & measuring, so be it.

3. Track all BLTs (there are much less of these thanks to Dayhiker) and do my pushups if I do have a BLT.

4. Eat fruit, in some format, for dessert at least twice a week. Can I save my smoothies til after dinner? Summer is such a good time for smoothies.

5. Read success stories at least three times per week.

And the bonus: a photo of myself in my focus jeans now and at the end of August. Which means I have to deal with my camera or use my crappy camera in my cell phone. But how can we tell the difference if we don't document it?

And don't forget: Imagine, believe, receive. My new mantra!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEODAWG 7/23/2010 9:08PM

    You are awesome. I have to re-commit every day to my goals. Maybe together we can make it!

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TEMPEST272002 7/23/2010 2:49PM

    Sounds like some great goals! You're sure to fit those target jeans in August. I love fruit for dessert. My favourites: eating frozen fruit, like mangos or blueberries; bananas (or sometimes pears) with almond slices and 1 tbsp chocolate sauce; strawberries topped with almonds & light whipped cream. Mmmm. I'm starting to get hungry now!

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KEAKMAN 7/23/2010 10:05AM

    I admire your experiment yesterday - both your willingness to give it a try, and your success! WAY TO GO!

You know me, I HAVE to write it down to get it done. Otherwise it seems I fritter my time away on silliness.

I think your doggies will like the new goal - and it will be fun for you, too! (maybe a little socialization for the doggy mommies!)

Looking forward to the before and after pics!

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Imagine, believe, receive

Thursday, July 22, 2010

That's what's inscribed on the small silver ring I bought at Target today. They have a variety of rings (online, too, apparently) and bracelets and necklaces inscribed with different words and sayings. This one spoke to me.

Actually, several others spoke to me too (but I resisted) as well as a pair of earrings and a bracelet (which I didn't resist).

I wish the inscription were on the outside so I could read it more often. Because it's so powerful & so true.

Folks, never let yourselves become too hungry. Too hungry is always trouble. No matter how much I tell myself that it will pass like everything passes -- I fast once a year for 24 hours (ok, ok, usually it's more like 20) after all.

Last night DH got home about 2 hours late. He tells me he told me he had a late meeting, but apparently I forgot about it. I was starving. It wasn't the sort of meal I could easily make for myself and then just reheat for him.

I ate the better part of a box of cherry tomatoes and at least one serving of kashi crackers (maybe more). After last Thursday night's sugar dive, I did say I'd be happy to maintain, and I actually lost a tiny bit of weight. I should be happy. I'm not. I ate so well 80% of the time, but let emotions and going too long without food derail me about 20% of the time. It doesn't take much extra food to derail my weight loss efforts.

Well, it's a new week, hopefully with better sleep, less emotions, and less food deprivation. TOM is coming, but I know if I'm focused (and hoping to use my new ring to focus) I can beat TOM. I can do it. I have done it. I will do it.

Lately, tho, I have been flat out exhausted. I've been laying down on the bed in the afternoons (which the dogs adore), something I almost never do. I even cut running out this week because I thought maybe I was overexercising. I haven't been doing much of anything around the house.

The only thing I'm doing differently is taking the dogs out for a walk earlier in the morning. I can't really see how that would effect my energy levels. I thought maybe I was coming down with something, but so far, knock on wood, that doesn't seem to be the case (which makes me very happy).

Well, once again, I'm sure this too shall pass. Next week is my "easy" week between months 1 & 2 of Insanity. The same workout for 6 days straight. Do I add running back in? I haven't decided yet. Yes, I do sort of miss it. Except for the waking up so tired. I'm eager to try the Treadmill Trainer podcasts I downloaded.

Today I ended up going a bit too long between meals again. It wasn't technically, it was only 3 hours, but I was really, really hungry by the time I got home from my meeting & running errands.

Sorry not a real inspirational blog, but lately I've been too tired to do much inspiring. So just remember: imagine, believe, receive. And maybe stay away from Target! (In my defense, I was there to get toilet paper and moisturizer).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEAKMAN 7/22/2010 9:48PM

    Sounds like you NEED a run tomorrow. Even a short one might help cheer and perk you up. If you miss it, you need to do it. Kinda like hunger. It's never good to say no to good things (within reason!)

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MTER67 7/22/2010 9:33PM

    Gosh, I am so out of touch with your blogs! And not just yours--everybody's! I just wanted to pipe in and say that I, too, love that jewelry at Target with the inspirational words. I have to walk fast past the display because I am a weak person when it comes to jewelry!

Im in my week before TOM and I am irritable and don't really want to do anything. I am not tired, so much as lazy. The only thing I can do to combat it is to ignore it. And get outside and work out because I know I will feel more energized afterward.

Of course, having said that, make sure you are not overtraining, or hungry, or low on iron. It's so hot outside these days, too, it is hard to run and walk the dogs, etc., and NOT feel a little drained afterward.

(Glad to see you are still blogging so faithfully!) :-)

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TEMPEST272002 7/22/2010 5:34PM

    Words have power. I love the idea of the bracelet to remind yourself to imagine, believe, recieve. Could your tiredness have anything to do with "letting go" after keeping check on your emotions & tongue during your parents' visit? Maybe you just need to give yourself some extra TLC for a few days? BTW, sharing your struggles is inspirational blogging. emoticon

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GEODAWG 7/22/2010 4:40PM

    Oh how I love Target! I could go in for a box of detergent and come out with a new living room! I think you showed remarkable restraint.
Don't know if this will help, but back when I had TOM (you won't believe how long it took me to figure out what that meant! ha Ha Ha) I was always hungry for a couple of days then when he came on, I was dead tired and had no appetite. Thank God I no longer have that dreadful visit! Old may have its minuses but not having TOM is a wonderful plus.

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BETH7CAM 7/22/2010 4:10PM

    Your blog title was inspirational! It spoke to me. The ring sounds cool...way to go reminding yourself of your goals

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I don't care & more sharing

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

As usual, I'm going to ramble a bit today.

How often have you thought "I really don't care about why I'm overweight, I just want to get it off"?

The key words in that sentence is "I really don't care". Because what you're really saying is that you really don't care about yourself. If you don't know why you want to lose weight, how can you hope to keep motivated? If you don't care enough to set yourself some goals, how will you stay motivated?

That's right, you're motivated when you care about yourself. Motivation doesn't mean it's easy. Motivation just means that you care enough about yourself to take the time to dig a little deeper, to figure out what makes you tick, to set some goals, to pick out some rewards.

If you don't care, why should anyone else? Don't whine about how nobody loves you if you can't be bothered to love yourself. Yes, it isn't easy. Yes, it takes hard work. But you'll be amazed at how your life seems to click into place when you find the motivation within.

So Yuri's video yesterday really spoke to me (check out yesterday's blog for the link). And again today. And you know what? He has free podcasts up on Itunes. Search on "Treadmill Trainer" (and he's got some others, too).

And I also wanted to share again the Inside Out Weight Loss podcasts. Love them!

And finally, as they say in the blog world, yesterday's dinner was holy yum. I made veggie stacks. Essentially thin slices of tomatoes & zucchini (you can use whatever veggies you enjoy most) layered with raw cashew cheese (google raw nut cheese and I'm sure you'll come up with lots of recipes). Also some rawvioli -- slices of zucchini brushed with olive oil and a little sea salt sandwiched with a cashew cheese filling.

Then the raw ice cream sandwiches from www.juliemorris.net for dessert. I ended up adding in some kashi crackers because I was missing me some grains, but the whole dinner was so totally satisfying. Thank you, DH, for having a business dinner so I could feed me soul (he would have hated it).

Oh, and this morning I decided to try making myself a tea latte. I brewed up some double chocolate matte tea (used 2 teabags). Set that in the fridge. Will add 1 cup of soymilk, and little soyatoo "whipped cream" with a drizzle of chocolate agave nectar. I'll let you know now it is. I don't drink those coffee/tea drinks, but just decided to give this a try this morning. The whole thing is about a whopping 2 points. And will give me some fuel for my workout. And some "recovery" from my walk.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEAKMAN 7/21/2010 11:24PM

    hmmm, what is the cyber connection between us? My blog today was about goals, and then I read this!

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TEMPEST272002 7/21/2010 11:21PM

    I get what you're saying about the connection between motivation and caring for oneself. When you care about yourself, you want to take care of yourself also. Great blog!

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DDHEART 7/21/2010 9:13PM

    Bingo! We have to care enough about ourselves to make goals and work toward them....often loving ourselves and making ourselves the big priority is the hardest task however. Loved your ramble!

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GEODAWG 7/21/2010 8:50PM

    What is soyatoo? Is this a whipped cream I can actually eat and eat and not feel guilty about?
Raw cashew cheese sounds good. I will have to give this a try.

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LEONALIONESS 7/21/2010 6:03PM

    Sooooo... Imma gonna have to come crash at your place and have you feed me.
I'm currently adoptable!!! ;)

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HEYRED221 7/21/2010 3:12PM

    Sounds interesting . So are you doing mostly a raw food program?

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KITTYF54 7/21/2010 9:00AM

    Sounds like you had fun.

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Sharing some recent finds

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

One of the nice things about DH being gone is I can be on the computer when I want & for how long I want. Except when my folks were here, of course, because then my Dad hogs it for hours at a time. And shuts down the browser even when I tell him not to. See, I can't stop whining!

But I've made some recent finds I wanted to share with y'all.

Even if you're not vegan, I think there's some good stuff here. Especially the 30 day core challenge. I'll be hitting that up when I'm done with Insanity -- my core can always use some work!

And low fat raw vegan recipes -- so often raw recipes are so high in fat. I haven't tried anything yet, but I will be trying some.

The raw brownies are AWESOME. You must try these. I've made raw brownies before, but these are very simple and really, really good. And I'm using them as a pre or post-workout snack. Mainly dates & walnuts, it's perfect.

You shouldn't reward yourself with food, but I have to admit, sometimes the thought of my post-workout snack gets me thru a workout.


I got to this one from the Vibrant Vegan site. They praise his workouts, and he had free running podcasts if you signed up for his newsletter, and I did. Haven't tried the podcasts yet, since I'm not running this week, but this video really spoke to me.

My goal:

I enjoy being a fit, healthy, energized 130 lbs by Dec. 31st this year.


1. I can use the money I'm currently paying to WW either for monthly massages or perhaps to join a health club.

2. I can earn some money by working for WW.

3. I will fit comfortably in my focus jeans.

4. I will be able to run faster and with less effort (and pounding on my body).

5. My self esteem will increase due to going after and achieving my goal.

What about you? What do you really want, and why do you really want it?

And any recent finds you want to share with us?

Oh, here's another grocery store find: mini coconut milk fudge bars. Only 70 calories or 1 pt in WW parlance. Finally, a small fudge bar that doesn't have odd ingredients that I LIKE! Look for it in your organic/health food section.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STARTSPARKING 7/21/2010 7:37AM

    Sorry I haven't been keeping in touch. Although it seems nearly impossible, I am trying hard to catch up. Thank you for sharing your recent finds. Good luck with all your goals. With your determination and dedication, I am sure you will do very well. Thanks for continuing to be such an amazing inspiration!

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GEODAWG 7/20/2010 1:26PM

    Go ahead and whine! You know our parents whined about us when we were in their care, so it's payback time!

Thanks for the sites to explore.

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SKFEREBEE 7/20/2010 12:06PM

    The 30-day core challenge looks very interesting...thanks!

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Our bad weeks don't define us

Monday, July 19, 2010

That's what I told a spark buddy recently. Our bad weeks don't define us; our good weeks do. There WILL be bad weeks, it's just a fact of life.

Last week was definitely not one of my best. Nothing major, but just all those little things piled on top of each other really get to you after a while:

The first wasp sting. I didn't even know for sure I'd been stung -- I wasn't quite sure what was going on, only that it HURT. Nests behind your mailbox door (which you are totally unaware of) are bad business.

This preceded the epic 2010 parent visit without my husband here to act as a buffer. Not even that was all bad -- my mom & I did have some interesting talks.

Followed by the second sting. Worse reaction to this one, probably because it was on the back of my leg and got really irritated by all that exercise.

My camera stopped working for reasons unknown.

I managed to take out 2 mugs at once. I use heavy ceramic bowls for the animals, and one slipped -- chipped one of the brand new mugs I'd just bought at Marshalls (cat mugs -- so cute) and took out the handle on the only mug I ever bought while living in Austin.

Yesterday the raw lemon bars I had in the fridge did a swan dive, getting banana puree all over the refrigerator and floor. I was literally screaming in frustration. It took about half a roll of paper towels to clean the mess up, and poor Chester was quivering on the landing (despite it not being his fault and my not being mad at him -- altho of course I'd told them not to even think about touching it -- which they weren't about to because when I'm truly angry, they stay far away from me).

I feel as tho I am on the verge of coming down with something. I'm hoping not. I have been totally exhausted the last couple of days, and wasn't even hungry last night. I've decided to take a week off from running this week, while continuing with my Insanity workouts. Next week is supposed to be an easy week before starting the second month.

Still, aside from the one day dive into sugar, I've eaten well. While I hope to lose weight this week, I'd be happy to maintain. I've been totally into unbaking the last couple of days -- raw desserts. Raw really hits the spot in the summer!

I made some raw brownies that are awesome and a great post-workout snack (being mainly walnuts and dates). I made a raw strawberry cheese cake for my folks, and they actually liked it. Throw lots of fat & sugar at them and they're happy -- they can be picky about healthier fare. I didn't tell them what it was until after they'd eaten it. I made some no-bake cookies yesterday that had way too much sugar in them. I'd actually made one of them before, and cut back on the sugar because they were too sweet, but I need to try a different sweetner or cut back even more. Oddly enough, they did not at all cause me to crave more sweets. I made the infamous raw lemon bars (haven't had them yet, no idea how they taste but they're simple and ought to be good).

I did some pushups to account for the licks & tastes.

So just remember: it's not about what we've done wrong, it's about what we've done RIGHT. What are you doing right today?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEAKMAN 7/19/2010 8:51PM

    I am sorry that your day started out so badly - I hope it ended better. And it sounds like after the stings and the folks, your body is looking for a little TLC.....listen to it!

Today I had a miserable time at the acupuncturist - not her fault. But I spent 40 minutes with my RLS acting up so badly that each twitch caused charlie-horse-type pains in 4 spots on my right leg. Every 14 seconds. For 40 minutes. Needless to say I was in tears by the time she came back into the room (and reminded me that if I need her, just call, and she will hear me!) Normally I would have self-medicated all the way home - Starbucks, McDonalds, Baskin Robbins, you name it, I would have stopped in and bought something/s. But I didn't. I looked at what happened for what it was, a bad reaction probably having a lot to do with my mental state the past 10 days or so, and NOT an excuse to binge. I am proud of me for making a sensible choice and coming straight home to get some stuff done rather than stuff may face. And I much prefer to think of that heroic stand for good rather than any mess-ups from the past week!

Thanks for the great blog and the reminder that we are what we think we are - and I think I am NOT a screwup!

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GEODAWG 7/19/2010 1:42PM

    I know how you feel. I have to get motivated once again to get on the right track. I'm sure you haven't fallen far and success will once again come your way!

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BARBIETEC 7/19/2010 9:37AM

    What a day! I hope you are feeling better!

It sounds delicious what you made the raw lemon bars (I would like a recipe) and the cheese cake *yammi*

Take care!

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SHEILA1505 7/19/2010 9:36AM

    Hi there - I was thinking exactly the same thing at gym today - when I found some moves a bit difficult I thought back to the first months when I braved a class or two and couldn't do so many of the exercises - my tummy got in the way, my girls got in the way or I was just too darned unflexible!

So it doesn't matter what I can't do - what matters is that I can do so much more than the younger version of me could do and although I am conscious of my midriff not being as flat as I would like it to be, I got lots of compliments from other gym ladies today! Yay, me! I must be doing something right after all.

Sorry about the breakages and spillages - glad Chester stayed out of the way :) I take it that he is out of the woods IRO the poison adventures?

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