Friday, July 16, 2010
My mom doesn't get it. Despite my having been a WW member for 20 years, she's never gotten it. And boy, she made me angry right before she left.
Anyway, she walks around telling people (including my Dad) how "good" I'm being. Judy's being very good, she says. She doesn't get that there's no good or bad, there are only choices. Some choices are good, some choices are bad, sure. But a healthy lifestyle isn't about being "good", it's about making good choices most -- but not all -- of the time. Which leads me to point #2.
My mom often asks "you eat that on your diet?". Yes, you see, she has a diet mentality. Either you're dieting or you've blown it. She doesn't get that indulging in your favorite foods, in a mindful way, keeps you from overindulging in them without really tasting them.
Yesterday she told me how good I looked in my jeans as I left for my WI, and wished me "luck". I didn't feel as tho I'd lost weight, which I'd told her, but I can't always tell. When I came back, she asks if I'd lost weight. I said no. She said you didn't gain weight did you (insert horror here)? When I replied I had, she said "that's not good".
Sigh. She doesn't get it. I know she doesn't get it. At her age, she'll never get it. So she complimented me and pushed all my buttons within about 2 hours.
And yes, it brought back all those "you're not good enough" feelings. The message has always been you're not good enough if you're not thin. Congratulations if you've lost weight, disapproving silence if you've gained.
And yes, I soothed myself with some sugar last night. I'm not proud of it. I tried so hard not to do it, but in the end, I caved. I was hungry yesterday afternoon, and realized I hadn't drunk enough water yet. So I put dinner in the oven early, since DH isn't here, and drank 3 glasses of water. Ate my nice healthy dinner. And decided that yes, I really did want to finish off that pint of chocolate peanut butter coconut milk -- there was only one serving left. I could work it in. And that would have been fine if I'd stopped there.
But no, I had to have some of the chocolate peanut butter caramel bars my SIL brought over a month ago. They'd melted at some point, and they weren't even all that good anymore. Even after I ate 2 (maybe the size of half a Snickers bar) I still wanted more. But I threw out the other box -- they really weren't worth it (the coconut milk so was worth it).
They do say awareness is the first step. It's pretty rare that I eat emotionally these days, but I guess we all have those days.
I have a whole week til my next WI. Can I overcome the feelings, remain on tract, indulge sensibly, and actually lose some weight this week? Stay tuned.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I swore I was done venting . . . I am so happy y'all shared with me that while you love your parents, they can drive you nuts too -- I am not the worst daugher in the world.
So here is some more whining til I get to the good stuff.
I took my parents to see a restored 1830s house on Tuesday. I really can take or leave that sort of thing, but they love it -- the reason it probably doesn't move me so much is that I was dragged around to so many as a kid. Anyway, they did really enjoy it, and the volunteer gave us a great tour even tho they don't really do tours.
But when my father saw that they had a concert there the next day, apparently my fate was sealed.
Yesterdau they went up to Saratoga Performing Arts Center (SPAC) to watch the NY ballet rehearse. While I love the ballet and rarely get to see it, I passed. I needed a bit of time to myself. I spent it making a nice veggie pasta for dinner.
They got back at 5:30, and the concert started at 6:30, so I figured I was safe. No one was hungry. But no, my father decided he HAD to go to this concert. Did I mention it was German music (and food)? And that while I love music, oom-pah-pah stuff doesn't really move me.
So while they relaxed I ran around feeding all the animals. DIdn't mention the pasta I'd cooked -- I guess in retrospect we could've brought it, but I didn't think of it at the time (not to mention there really wasn't enough time to warm it up again, and even tho it could be eaten cold, I prefer it warm). Moot point, I didn't do it.
Because I refused to eat something I don't particularly like (sausages, mainly) we stopped at a deli to pick up sandwiches. Probably accounts for part of why I gained a pound this week, despite getting a hummus & veggie sandwich. I probably shouldn't have eaten it all, but I did.
Well, it was a nice night. And truly, if it had been something other than German music, it would have been enjoyable. Thankfully my mom didn't particularly like the music either, and we left early -- I'd already told them we'd have to if they wanted me to come, but she made sure we left even earlier than I'd planned to. I'm not sure if that was to make my life easier or because she really wasn't enjoying it. We were sitting on the ground (on a blanket, thankfully I had one in my car), and she wasn't very comfortable. We didn't realize there'd be so many people there.
2 nights ago my father had to have an envelope & stamps so he could mail something. The envelope wasn't a problem, but hunting up the stamps were, but I did it. And then it sat there for 2 days. And then yesterday my father asked me to put it in the mailbox. I know, that seems an innocent request, right?
Only wasps have built a hive right behind the hinge of the door. I didn't realize that when I went to get the mail on Monday, right before they arrived, and I got stung. And I got stung again yesterday.
But this morning I found the hive, and I'll spray it this evening.
My camera stopped working yesterday. Just won't close. Didn't give me the dead battery warning. I gained a pound this week. Not my best week.
Ok. My parents have left, my life can go back to semi-normal tomorrow. I'll spray the hive now that I know where it is (despite my mild phobia of stinging insects, and yes, those stings REALLY hurt).
Our meeting today was all about breaking plateaus. And I was so hoping to do well this week, only I didn't. I didn't falter on the exercise front -- got my exercise in even with my parents here.
I strived to be good. But there probably was too much sweets this week. A bit too much stress. And probably portion sizes might have been a tad out of whack, too.
The good news is I now have a lot of food on hand. The bad news is I now have a lot of food on hand. It's all healthy, but some of it is probably a bit more caloric then I would usually eat. I need to sit down and figure out some goals.
And figure out what really motivates me. That's what today's meeting was about. My leader was saying that when it comes down to whether or not to eat the cake (or whatever), being healthy doesn't usually really sway us on the side of angels. So what would? What would really keep me on the straight and narrow?
I was doing so well. I really thought I was doing well this week too, but in the end, as much as we curse it, the scale doesn't lie. But I am still motivated. I am still deteremined. So what will really motivate me? I'm not sure. I have 3 days before my husband comes home to give it some thought.
What really motivates you? What makes you step away from the brownies, the ice cream, the chips, the beers?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Ok, I'll be venting about my parents now. I know some of you no longer have your parents around, and would point out to me you'd be happy to have some of these minor things to deal with in exchange for more time with your parents but . . .
Actually, my mom & I get along great. Always have. We have a lot in common and yet are very different as well. She was a tomboy, I was a couch potato. She tends to be very judgemental, and I'd at least like to think that I'm more open-minded.
My Dad is a very different story. Some of the annoying things now are just old-age things. He can't hear very well, even with hearing aids, so he cranks up the tv. I, for instance, have the volume at 10 usually; he likes it around 16 or 17 and I really just can't bear it. And to add insult to injury, he'll just leave it at that level and leave the room. So here I'm thinking he's watching tv and I've either been driven outside, downstairs, or into my room, when the reality is no one is in there and it's just blaring (yet he's so concerned about turning off lights).
Speaking of lights, as they were leaving this afternoon (not for good, yet, just to go out & do some touring on their own), he said he couldn't get one of the lights off in the garage. I assumed it was just the light from the garage door opener, but no, it was the light switch right next to the door -- which he'd obviously turned on since it isn't usually on.
I could go on & on, but the worst thing is that he is just a totally narcissitic person. It's all about him. He wanders around, doing what he wants, when he wants to -- no matter how many people are waiting on him. He has always been this way, and it's always been annoying. He wants to know why I get up so early -- because of course this effects him since I also go to bed early, and can't show him how to work the tv (which I've already done twice).
Usually DH is around to handle them at night, but he's away on a business trip. I actually felt somewhat pleased that he couldn't figure out the tv last night, because I would never have been able to sleep with it blaring at the volume he needs it at, and I really needed some sleep last night. I'd already stayed up quite a bit later than I normally do (which they still think is excessively early).
Mind you, I've been going to bed this early for basically the entire time I've been married -- 25 years -- and it's still a surprise to him. Not because of his age, but because he simply doesn't really register what other people do. Because that's not all about him, not until it actually impinges on what he wants to do.
Well, I could go on & on. Let's just say I'm glad that they have something to do today that doesn't involve me. They did enjoy what we did yesterday, thankfully. My parents are fun people, but they aren't fun houseguests (at least not to me).
And no, I'm not letting my little upsets effect my eating, and I've managed to continue with my Insanity workouts while they're here, too. Altho I must admit that I'm thinking some Chocolate Peanut butter coconut milk is really calling my name for after my workout -- not really the best recovery snack, but I think I can work it in.
P.S. I've tried ear plugs . . . never yet really found one that works.
Monday, July 12, 2010
My parents are coming up this afternoon. For a couple of days. They are 82 and 84, and while generally healthy, they don't move well any more and walking is hard for them. I am wracking my brains trying to think of ways to entertain them. Suggestions welcome.
There are the movies, of course. We all love movies, but my parents have generally seen everything in creation.
I thought a cruise on the Hudson would be fantastic, but unfortunately they dont have any while they're here.
I'm thinking I might try to unearth our Scrabble board. That might be the ticket.
There's the NY state museum, but of course that requires walking.
We could go to the park and they could sit on a bench while I walk the dogs.
They are part of why I try so hard to eat right and exercise. While my family is mostly long-lived (with the exception of a couple of my uncles, but they were both smokers and that's basically what killed them and I've never smoked a day in my life thank goodness). I don't just want to live long, I want to live well. I want to thrive!
Yesterday was a whirlind of preparing food. A waldorf salad for tonight, some tofu deviled egg salad (not sure my parents will brave it, but I made it anyway), and a raw strawberry cheesecake that I think will be really yummy (again, not sure my parents will brave it).
Didn't get any cleaning done tho, and I need to clean today. Thankfully by 8 am I have almost all my steps in for the day -- I went for an early morning run again, and then walked the dogs, and that brings me almost to 10,000 steps right there. I still have my Insanity to do, altho it's a "light" day with just the fit test (which is a pretty good workout in and of itself) and maybe some light weight training if I'm feeling it.
I am loving early morning runs. Even tho I was tired when I woke up -- DH left on his business trip early yesterday morning and as I said, yesterday I was too busy to blog or even read most of y'all's blogs -- I still just did it. And I'm so glad I did. It was cool. The sun is barely up so I don't need sunglasses or my hat. I actually do have energy, since I haven't already walked the dogs or done Insanity. I just miss my relaxing mornings and reading my magazine in the morning before starting my day.
Actually, yesterday was my rest day and my only real exercise was walking the dogs. But between going to 2 different stores to grocery shop, stopping at TJMaxx & Sport Authority, I still racked up over 10,000 steps. I was rather surprised. Most rest days I'm lucky if I get to 6000 or 70000 unless I'm very mindful.
Wish me luck entertaining the folks on my own!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
I saw a segment on the Today show the other day about a girl that has a rare condition that doesn't allow her to gain weight, despite eating about 5000 calories a day (and a lot of that is junk food). Apparently the disease isn't fatal.
The catch is that she looks like a wizened old woman, because she's severely underweight and has almost no body fat.
Would you want a disease like that, which would allow you to eat whatever you wanted -- and pretty much however much you wanted -- but you would look very odd and therefore draw a lot of attention to yourself simply by being you?
While I know that I am not my body, I don't believe I would be happy for very long, despite being able to eat whatever I want.
I guess I need to remind myself of this the next time I get upset that I can't eat whatever I want whenever I want it. That there are far worse problems to have.
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