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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Wow, big steps for me this week. I struggled while up north for the family reuinon, but when I got home I got right back into the swing of things, and even went to a gym! I'm so excited about this! I've always been in the law enforcement field, and I've always loved the training. I found a gym that will teach me street fighting by combining several forms of martial arts, and a few crazy tactics the instructor has come up with on his own. I'm totally excited! Not only is it a good way for me to exercise, but it also helps build self-esteem, keepts me motivated, gives me something to look forward to and practice for, but also will be a way for the fiance and I to bond when he gets home. Sparing is great for the two of us!

The fiance should be home around November-ish. He's got a few more appointments he has to do, and we have to wait for DC to make a decision, but once they do, things will move awful quick. I'm super excited to have him home. It will be a huge change for my kidlet and I when we all move in together, but well worth the wait. She will have two instant sisters, and my family of two will be five. I'm nervous, and happy at the same time.

Well, it is getting late, and I do need sleep. So, that's about it for me tonight. I hope everyone else is doing well.



What would my mentor have to say?

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sundays are hard. I'm not looking forward to it. For whatever reason, Sunday just has to be the hardest day for me to maintain my diet and calorie goals. Plus, I've had a rough week all around for calorie and exercise goals. I know I can do this. I want to do this. I need to do this. I think of my old mentor when I look at my goals and see myself routinely coming up short right now. He would look at me with this look on his face and seriously level with me and say, "Are you really about this? Do you really want this? Because you're only showing half the want, half the try. You will never reach your goals by half trying. I need 100% from you, or go home." Sounds harsh, but this guy was one of the best mentors I've ever had. And maybe he wouldn't have phrased it exactly like that, but he had this awesome way of getting his point accross and making you think really hard about what you were doing, what you wanted to do, and what you were really putting out there. So, I look at the goals I've set for myself and I wonder if I'm really trying, or just half trying. I wonder if my efforts of the last two weeks would make him proud, or if he'd feel the need to sit down and have a conversation with me. I know the answer. I know it deep down in my heart, and the pit of my stomach. He'd be disapointed. My goals are not that hard. 10,000 steps is not that big of a deal for one day. Why have I routinely missed that goal for the last two weeks? What am I going to do differently from here on out that will ensure I get to my goal? And what on earth is going to keep me motivated and pushing so that I do reach my goal? Because I have a wedding in two years, and I'm not going to my wedding in a fat girl dress. I want to feel as beautifull as my fiancee thinks I am. I want to radiate confidence and glow. And furthermore, I want that every day for the rest of my life. Not just for one day.


1st week down!!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

So, I've been hanging out at Sparkpeople every day for the last week. Amazing all the things I have learned already. Scary to see some of the things I've been putting into my body. Scary that I let my daughter watch me, and learn what awful things I've done. I think the first several days of my choice to eat healthy inspired her. Today was a struggle for her though. She wanted donuts and candy. She didn't eat much for dinner. I worry that she will grow up and eat like me. I don't want that. I want to see her grow up with healthy habits so she doesn't have to struggle the way I do. I don't want her to be 25 and obese. I don't ever want her to be obese. I don't want her to fear getting diabetes like I do. It runs in our family. If I don't end my bad habits now, I most likely will be type two diabetic like my mom, and her dad. I do not want to face that. So, change it now is my only option. I weight myself tomorrow. I'll see what I come up with. I know that I've already made some healthier choices. The refridgerater is stocked with vegies and fruit instead of left overs from eating out. I hope I've caught my daughter quick enough to end the bad cycle now!!


Rough food Day

Monday, July 25, 2011

Today was a rough day for food and I. Sunday's are always a rough day for me. I'm going to need to sit down and make a better meal plan for Sunday's. I think the biggest problem is, I get home from work late Saturday night. Sometimes my kidlet's asleep, sometimes not. I get up about two hours earlier than normal so we can go to church, and most of the time I leave early from church to go to work. If I'm lucky I've had breakfast before I have to punch in. My break is around two in the afternoon (my normal lunch is about 11:30 AM), and then I get off around six. I get home around seven. Bed time is aronund nine or ten. Do I really want dinner when I get home so late?

Here's my goal for next Sunday: I'm going to pack an extra lunch on Saturday so it is ready and in the fridge for Sunday morning. All I'll have to do is grab the lunch. I think I'll also make something quick for breakfast...so maybe pack three lunches on Saturday, eat one for breakfast, and one for lunch at work, and then Dinner on Sunday can be a light dinner. That way I won't blow my calorie limit or eat a ton of fat like happened today. I ate out instead of making my lunch. It's the first time I've blown my goals and I'm feeling a little icky about it. I know it doesn't happen often, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I just feel like I kinda let myself down.

So, starting tomorrow I'm back on the wagon. Besides, after looking at the nutrition information on the stuff I put into my body today I'm feeling rather sick. I don't think I can look at another Charlie's sub the same way ever again! Ick!

Wish me luck!


I'm not dieting.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Diets are hard. I think they suck. However, I know I need to lose weight. I need to have a healthier life style and set a better example for my kid. I want to look good in my wedding dress. Ok, so the hubby-to-be would say I already look good, because that's what he's supposed to say. So, to try and keep myself on track, I'm not dieting. I'm not cutting out the foods I love the most. I am making healthier diet choices, and I am tracking what I eat. I am attempting (probably not as hard as I should because it's my least favorite part of losing weight) to find the time and energy to exercise. But hey, one thing at a time. I'm modifying my diet, and getting my body used to healthier foods. I'm getting used to preparing my own foods and making sure that the food I make it adequate nutrition for my body and my daughter's body.

You know what's crazy? My kid went nuts over fruit this morning. She hasn't done that since she was really little. She usually wants to eat cheese-its or mac and cheese, or hot dogs. I've been eating fruits and veggies, and eggs, and whole grain bread lately. All of a sudden that's what she wants too. And for some reason I used to think she wanted the junky food just because that's what tastes good and what she liked. It never occurred to me until this morning that she's mimicking what she sees. She's following the leader. Me.

Nothing like having a wake up moment to kick ya in the butt. So, here I go. For real this time. I'm losing the weight. And gonna keep it off. My kid deserves it. And so does my fiancÚ. More than anything, I deserve it.