Saturday, October 12, 2013
So much has happened in the last 12 months. One thing that really stood out is that I found out who my friends were. And who was really My Guy's friends.
Today was ok, overall. I spent the day home yesterday, and it was much harder than today. Early this evening, My Gal & I decided to clean up the back yard a little bit and burn some tree tops & brush, with a little help with gas. When she lit the first gas bomb (it was small, really), there was a WOOFF! as it caught fire, leaves crackling as they burned on the tips of twigs. It brought such a wonderful memory of My Guy doing the same. I always enjoyed the bonfires he made, and My Gal, not to be undone, did as good of a job as he did, every time. I smiled, not once with a tear in my eyes.
I decided during those re-ignitions that this was the one thing that would mean the most to me to celebrate his life. You might think it morbid when you remember that he was cremated, but one is not like the other.
We didn't get too far in burning the large pile of brush, but we made a dent. I may start it back up on Monday, since I'm off but My Gal is working.
Yeah... the best way to celebrate his life is to have a big a$$ bonfire on the anniversaries. I hope he was smiling as the brush burned.
I love you, SweetHeart. I always will.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Since August, it feels like my eating plan has been on vacation. Sure, I put on 5lbs during the month, but I was ok with that, because I was working on melting it off in September. Then 2 weekends ago, just as I was gearing up to lose those 5lbs, I hurt my knee badly enough that Doc told me no heavy workouts for at least 2 weeks. A little later today, I see my family Doc to get her to look at it and follow up with her.
But I'm on Naproxen in the meantime, and that makes me retain a LOT of water. Not to mention it makes me feel hungrier. Add that to the lack of food discipline, and now I'm up 10lbs. I'm quite P.O.'ed, but I only have myself to be P.O.'ed at.
I finally reached out and asked for help so I can get back on track. I haven't tracked any food or fitness in over 6 weeks, and that can't continue.
So to stop sucking wind, and not being angry with myself, I have decided on a plan to make my way back to "normal healthy" again. My biggest weakness is still food, so that's where I have to start. I'm not afraid of tracking, but it is tedious. This time, though, I have a trusty little android phone that has SparkPeople bookmarked. My plan is to track the foods that are the same every day -- breakfast & lunch & day snacks M-F. I've had more salad dressing than I need most days, so I need to go back to measuring that. I know my evening snacks are heavier in calories than I would rather admit. I know I'm not getting enough protein in the run of a day (which makes me hungrier). And I'm still smoking.
I'll get there, once again. And if you see me whining on my SP status, feel free to offer up cheeze, because this isn't what it's all about for me.
This Buttercup is Sucking It Up, instead of Sucking Wind. :-D
Sunday, June 16, 2013
I've talked about mudding just past our driveway, that it was so much fun, rippin' thru the big puddles and screaming my head off. And that I wouldn't be doing it anytime soon because I wouldn't drive the truck through that kind of water.
I had mentioned it to My Gal a while back, and about a month ago, we went out for a rip out the logging trails, so she could get used to the road, but we had to stop at the first large puddle we saw, because she was unsure of the depth, and I didn't know either.
So this morning, so that I wouldn't think too much about My Guy and the stuff we did on Father's Day (for him, mostly, since the kids didn't spend time or do more than a quick call), she fired up the truck, stashed the rubber boots in the back seat, and off we went. We only had an hour, because she had to leave for work soon. Everything's ready to go, truck fired up, and we're off.
Muddin' down the Hurlett. :-D
The first big puddle that worried her last time turned out to be the one that looks scary, almost like an omen of what's to come, except it wasn't deep at all. Rubber boots and she waded out there to check out the bottom, it's nice & rocky, not sandy, so we should be ok.
She gets us moving, not very quickly, but with enough 4x4 pull that we make it through without incident at all.
Ok, that's the first one.... now we only have 17 more to go, and there are at least 2 that we need to be a little worried about, but we should get through.
Cell-phones charged, check!
Neighbour's number in the phone, check!
Ok, My Gal, gun it.
I haven't giggled like that since last summer. I even got to scream twice, as the puddle split open when we drove through it. I was so pumped up that I could have pushed the truck out of the puddle if we had gotten stuck, the adrenaline rush was that great. And fun!!
The 2 puddles I thought might be a concern were, as she put it, interesting. :-D All I could do to help was holler at the truck: "Go, baby, go baby GO GO GO!" *snicker* We got through them, though, both in and out of the road. We even made it to the Sugar Shack.
I was so excited and having so much fun that I just wanted to burst. Instead, I let out a whoop and did a quick jig at the Sugar Shack. :-D
I really am happy that My Gal has enough driving skills and desire to check out the wilderness to get us both out there, if only for 45 minutes today.
A couple months ago, one of the neighbours came over to ask about me selling the Pathfinder. I told him no, I would get it running this spring. He grunted that I would only let it rust and rot, and it would ruin a perfectly good truck. I stood fast, told him I was not selling the truck.
Today, when we were on our way back home, I saw the neighbour riding his 4-wheeler, and thought how perfect this morning was turning out to be. I nudged My Gal, and she honked the snot out of the horn as we drove by him, and I waved and waved and stuck my tongue out and waved some more. Talk about your sprinkles on top!
And to think, today is just another day.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Earlier this week, I did a presentation at work on my weight loss journey. I was hoping to record it, but network issues with the recording software for online meetings messed up the recording. Instead, I've decided to post the written portion of my presentation here. The presentation went well, it was well received, and I even had pictures from my gallery in the presentation. Next time I'm asked to do this presentation again, I'll be sure to get it recorded properly. :-D
"What is/was your weight loss goal?
11 years ago, my weight loss goal was to lose 180lbs, to be at 120lbs. I was at my top weight, at 300lbs. Today, my goals havenít changed, though the timeline has.
How long did you give yourself to achieve your goals?
Originally, I had allowed myself 3 years to lose 180lbs, figuring 60lbs/year. In reality, weight loss was different for each of the last 11 years. Some years I only lost 10lbs and had a lot of non-scale victories, while other years I lost up to 50lbs.
How are you doing in your goal achievement? (For example, if you're attempting to lose 100 pounds, how much of that have you lost and kept off?)
So far, I have lost 130lbs. I have also completely changed my ways of eating, including eliminating caffeinated products, most fruit drinks, and all pop, no chips except at special occasions, and choosing a smaller plate when Iím at a buffet or food-inclusive gathering.
What prompted you to take charge and make a change in your life?
I had an ďA-HA!Ē moment while on vacation 11 years ago. I was talked into getting on top of a 4í bench to dance the night away at a bar. I had plenty of room on the bench, but at one point I looked down to the floor, and while fear didnít grip me, a very sobering thought occurred: ďWhen, not if, I fall, Iím breaking a hip. And when I break that hip, how am I going to keep up with my husband?Ē Yes, he was a major influence on the decisions I made along the way. In the beginning, I will admit I was doing it for him, so he would be proud of what I could accomplish. Iím not quite sure when it happened, but the focus switched from him to me. And thatís when it started to really happen, when the real changes started, when real food addiction healing started. For the first time in my life, I was finally not focusing on food to deal with emotional issues I experienced.
What strategies did you use?
The first one that I used for nearly 4 years was a low-carb/food combining eating plan.
I also stopped using the word ďdietĒ, and replaced it with ďeating planĒ. It made it sound less like a punishment and more like a choice.
I had my husband hide his junk food in cupboards that I couldnít easily reach. I also had him not eat those junk foods in front of me for nearly 2 years, until I was ok with my own food choices for those snacking times.
I stopped buying foods that I couldnít control how much of it I ate, like chips, cookies, crackers, pretzels, peanut butter and jam. Some of those foods are now back in my eating plan, but most are not.
Getting exercise is always hard, even today sometimes. I started out by walking the hallways at Centennial Building, one floor at a time, and the first few times I did it, I had to promise myself I would stop walking at the half hour mark. At first, I could only go either up or down to each floor, not both. Eventually, I was able to do both. That spring, I finally decided to dig up my Big Girl Attitude, and get outside for a walk. When was the last time you knew a country girl who was afraid of flying insects? That was me. It took a lot to get outside and go for a walk. I eventually brought my walks up to 45 mins every weekday. I also did Aquasizes, which is perfect for very overweight people, because weíre much more buoyant in water, and I could get a much more intense workout. When my office was moved to St. Maryís St., I learned to walk some of the roads along the Reserve. Some days I could get 2.5 miles in, other days I was lucky to get a whole mile done. When weather was bad, I would head over to Willie OíReeís to walk the mezzanine area. When I finally made it to (new work location), I started on the treadmill, but discovered my walking style made it difficult to use. Thatís when 2 ladies from the Service Desk asked me to join them in doing 30-Day Shred by Jillian Michaels. At first, it was all I could do to get to the end of the episode, even with modified moves. I lost a little more weight, and suddenly, people started bringing me their workout DVDís and light weights, to add to the gym. I had tried a handful of walking videos, but I couldnít find my groove. Then I found Walk Away the Pounds by Leslie Sansone. For me, that one works, because I really like how Leslie encourages me to keep going and that it was a different kind of encouragement than what Jillian Michaels delivers. Iím still not a big fan of walking, especially outdoors, for a workout, but once I start it, my fears slip away with the adrenaline rush of being outdoors and breathing in fresh air.
In 2009, I finally signed up to SparkPeople, and started tracking my foods, as in how many grams of saturated fat I was actually eating, and how much sodium I didnít know I was eating. I really had no idea I was consuming that much food, and it explained why I had a 2-year plateau.
I kept my bedtime snack, and learned to eat fruit in the morning.
I didnít tell anyone for a long time that I was trying to lose weight, other than my husband. I figured if it was working, others around me would notice, and I would only tell them I was working at this if they asked.
I learned how to cook, especially to be more patient when the burner is turned to less than medium, and how to flavour my foods without additional fat or sodium. Iíve also discovered I donít like cooking all that much, even less so for just one.
How was SparkPeople helpful in achieving your goals?
SparkPeople has so many features that all the ones I used helped me with my goals. The biggest ones are the Nutritional Tracker, the Fitness Tracker, some of the reports, and SparkTeams; those tools seem to work best for me, especially when Iím struggling to stay on track. I have found SparkFriends who have lost as much weight as I have, with very similar starting points Ė I have leaned on them so often, because I know theyíve walked this walk too.
What are the specific improvements that you've noticed in yourself since losing weight?
There are so many! When I say I donít always remember how difficult it was to move around at my top weight, itís like a part of my brain shut that reality out so I could make progress. That said, I remember living in an apartment for about a year, and it was on the 2nd floor of an old Victorian house. Stairs were straight up, about 1 Ĺ stories to get to the landing. The whole time I lived there, while at top weight, I always had to stop at least twice to catch my breath and ease the pain in my legs.
My cheeks arenít as high on my face, so I seem to have a little more peripheral vision looking downward.
My calves have some nice definition. Iíve been told other body parts do too.
I have a collar bone and ribs that I can feel, finally.
I can usually do at least 30 minutes of activity, even intense activity, and every day.
I donít need 9-10 hrs.í sleep every night, 7-8 works well.
Iíve gone from a tight size 26 to about a size 16 now.
My stomach doesnít feel like itís going to explode or do flip-flops or feel yucky anymoreÖ. Unless I eat something I know wonít agree with me. I had to learn that the hard way, many times over.
PMS symptoms were much less intense after I started controlling my sugar intake. Today, when I pay attention to what I eat and the type of workouts I do, those symptoms are not as severe as most of the women in my family.
Body image issues are still there, but theyíve taken on a different form of their own. Itís flattering and a little scary at times, to get appreciative looks from men when I walk by. I think the day that I get my first wolf whistle is going to catch me off-guard, and make me very aware of all the hard work Iíve done.
My blood sugar has come down a lot, as have my blood pressure and bad cholesterol (LDL) levels.
Iíve learned I really like the country life, including off-roading on logging roads. Losing the weight has made those truck rides a lot more fun, and a lot easier to do. My capacity to scream while going through 3í mud puddles hasnít changed, but my ability to hang on to the ďholy sh!tĒ handles has greatly improved.
And my life still isnít perfect, and no amount of weight loss will give that to me. Being able to tell the difference is something weight loss has shown me.
Weight loss hasnít brought me happiness, either. I havenít had a lot of happiness since my husband died in October, yet I still have all this weight loss. Happiness & weight loss are connected, but happiness can live on its own without the weight loss; Iíve already proven that."
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