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High Roller

Thursday, May 17, 2012

I limped slightly into yesterday's nerve procedure for my left foot, but was excited for the same great results as with my right hand. No room in my mind for folding on this round. I was allll in.

We checked in at 5:45 a.m.
I got the local anesthetic this time at the request of the doctors (and some Sparker's suggestions). No problem.
They seemed really happy with the procedure, and by 7:30 AM I was wheeled to recovery. Wahoo, right?

5 minutes afterwards, I knew something was off. My right foot ignited with fire pain and redness, and just got worse. I was shaking. This was b-a-d.
They taped ice packs to my foot to cool it - no luck. They tried applying ice water soaked washcloths, and swapping out more McGyver'd ice pack shoes every 10 minutes too - no dice. My EM started to go nutzo, and when they were checking the incision site on my back for a reaction, I realized my entire backside was sweaty. I was on a memory foam gurney. EM folks can't touch that stuff since it insulates heat and causes EM flares. This definitely was not helping...

Next, opiates came into the picture, or the IV. I got sick from them pretty quickly (yuck-o). Then I got pumped full of two types of anti nausea meds (since the first one was not working).
Once I was loopy from everything, they hooked me up to an IV infusion of lidocaine, plus a topical lidocaine cream. They needed to cool things down quickly. I am so thankful or their efforts.

All of the stuff above was taking place while I sitting up in a recliner chair - because of that d*mn memory foam bed!
I felt like I was in an airplane seat, and talking to myself from the drugs. My speech was slurred for hours and I was not myself.

The docs suggested admitting me into the hospital for a couple of days and get a slower infusion of lidocaine, but I just wanted to go home. I had been in the highest # on the pain scale since 7:30 a.m. (it was now 2:00 p.m.).
I wanted to lie flat, and in my bed.
They let me go home as long as I promised to continue taking some heavy nerve meds, and I was to make a decision by 8:00 pm last night (when the meds should have shown some effect). They warned the ER that I might be coming, and prepped them on my situation. Thanks but no thanks.

I fought to stay home last night like and old lady attached to her cardigan sweater.
It was tough last night, and today has been challenging too. I am typing this while lying down, with my left foot greased up in lidocaine cream and elevated over my heart.
Maybe I will be more limber after this passes? : )

Perhaps I made the wrong decision to get this nerve procedure, since I feel like I took two steps backward with my CRPS. The pain is as high as when my CRPS surfaced last Memorial Day. How ironic since that one year anniversary is fast approaching.
We were told that this awful pain should fade in a few days.
I'm betting everything on that.

My husband cancelled a much needed trip to see his family (again), and part of me feels rotten about it. I'm missing work, and completely overloading my coworkers (again). My DH also missed work to care for me (again).
I'm fighting the feeling that I have been dealt a bad hand.

But this year I have solid resources that I am reminding myself to pull on. I have dear Spark friends to lift me when I feel I cannot stand (like now). Spark friends who are actually willing to swap out a part of their workout plan until I can hop back in and join them (THANK YOU!). I have a pain psychologist who is teaching me tools to deal with my pain, not dwell on the long term, and conquer today ONLY. This is not easy!
I am showing my 'tells'.

I felt the prayers and good thoughts from all of yesterday. I cried a lot from pain and fear, but I kept going. I made it through, and did not eat my emotions (thank God!).
I'm trying to stay motivated to get well enough to workout, to keep my eating sane-and Spark everyday.
I've been dealt a higher card and I am going to use it! It would be un-lucky not to...

'Nuff Said

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNFLOWER4ME 5/22/2012 1:28PM

    Bren, I am so glad you find us as your support, because we ARE that. I find people sometimes withdraw from their relationships - be it friends, family, faith - and isolate themselves when they are hurting, trying not to "burden" others or be self-suificent. I smile knowing you hold tight to us, to your hubs, to your faith. It does not suprise me for a minute that you wanted to go home, you are the (drum roll) Invincible Beautiful Bren afterall! dun dunna dun! Please depend on us more, because God knows we depend on you too emoticon

Cmonnnnnnnnnn SEVENS!

Comment edited on: 5/22/2012 1:32:28 PM

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OOLALA53 5/20/2012 3:04PM

    I only hope I can be as brave as you should the need arise.

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MELIBUG 5/19/2012 12:02AM

    My amazing friend Bren - you are the MOST positive person I know and deserve a speedy recovery. My apologies on not seeing your blog sooner, but I am saying lots of prayers now for your foot to get its act together and follow the path your right hand has led. I will also pull out my worry people and put them all under my pillow for you tonight and every night until they take away your foot pain. Don't feel bad for your co-workers and DH. They all love you and what they have to bear is nothing in comparison to what you are dealing with... plus people like to feel needed; think of it as you just doing your part to help them with that. Stay strong girl - healing is on its way!

Hugs ~ Melissa

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SARAWALKS 5/18/2012 4:52PM

    Seeing this kind of late but WOW, I will be praying that you feel better soon and that the procedure ends up having the DESIRED effect. You are amazing, hang on to that cardigan sweater, you will make it... emoticon emoticon emoticon Sara

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AAAACK 5/18/2012 3:07PM

    dang, you even made a joke in the midst of your agony - the old lady with the cardigan is brilliant! See, finding the ridiculous, ridonkulous, emphasis on "rid." To rid yourself of this pain even for 3 seconds by making a joke. You're just amazing. And that pain...I have no words for that, at least none I can use in polite company. But you know the words, scream them into your pillow, bite their heads off and scream jokes at them. I hope the procedure ends up better than it started, ends up with helping your foot rather than making it worse. Beyond the jokes, beyond the pain, we always have hope. And I'll hope with you all day.

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BECKYB73 5/18/2012 11:47AM

    Bren, you are INCREDIBLE! I can't even imagine what you're going through, though your writing certainly gives me a pretty good idea as to how horrific this ordeal is. Yet still you rise...

It is inspiring.

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 5/18/2012 8:27AM

    Oh dear friend, so sorry you have to endure this situation! I will pray for you that this all works for a good end results! You are right to take it a day at a time! I understand those feelings of having to impose on others, husband, co-workers, etc. But this is not in your control (isn't that a bitch! ), so just go for the ride...
Love & Hugs,
Mary emoticon

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TRENTDREAMER 5/18/2012 8:13AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SARASMILING 5/18/2012 6:02AM

    I HATE this for you!!! The pain WILL go away soon, I know it. You are so strong and brave. You can push through this. You are going to be feeling great in no time. Your positive energy will get you through. Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us and sharing YOU with us. You are awesome! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAMADWARF 5/17/2012 11:44PM

    Awww baby! I'm so sorry you had a bad reaction and are suffering so much! I'm cringing thinking of what you are going through!!!I'm sending g healing thoughts for this pain to subside and I just want you to know I'm here for you and please contact me if you need anything I can do!!!! Tell hubby I think he's an angel.....

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CELLISTA1 5/17/2012 11:13PM

    I am amazed that with this awful ordeal you are coherent enough to type out your story. We may not be able to "actually" feel your pain - nor would we want to -- but we psychically feel it and empathize. It's a REALLY good thing that you can be honest here on Spark and tell the truth about what you are going through. And on top of everything, you are cute and sweet and adorable and funny. That said, I'm waiting for your next blog that tells us the pain has let up and you are improving again.

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KAILYNSTAR 5/17/2012 9:32PM

    I have no words of comfort for you. I'm so sorry. Pain is just plain awful.

That said,

I wish for you peace and harmony.
I wish for you a simple and beautiful picture in your mind, to take you away from the pain you are experiencing.
I wish for you a crazy, loopy monkey in that picture that is doing the strangest, yet most fascinating things!

I'm here.


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GUITARWOMAN 5/17/2012 7:25PM

    You are so brave!

My very deepest wishes for a full recovery!


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CLOVER2 5/17/2012 6:03PM

    Oh Bren, I am SO sorry! I hadn't seen this until a few minutes ago! Please, please know that I am praying for you and hoping this gets to a manageable place real soon! I wish there was something I could do, knowing you are in pain is SO frustrating, and I'm not even going through it! You are one of the bravest people I have ever known, you just keep going when others would just curl up and say "No More!!"
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RYDERB 5/17/2012 4:20PM

    Brea, the more I read the more my heart sank. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. And I HATE that my being "sorry" can't help your pain. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, and if you can think of anything that I CAN do to help, I'll do it!
emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon I'm so sorry that you're going through so much. You're right though - you have a lot going *for* you. Please keep venting and reaching out because we're all here for you.Take lots of care!

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2WHEELEDSHARON 5/17/2012 3:52PM

    Bren, it seems wrong that I feel so encouraged by you and your awesome perspective, but there it is. I have a friend who is going through a painful illness and I'm having a hard time not feeling like she's been dealt a bad hand too. It's SO freaking hard to see past the pain, but you're absolutely right, the cards and the stars and other shiny, pretty things line up and wait for us to get distracted by them instead.
Based on experience, I know for a fact that your loved ones and co-workers WANT to do whatever they can to help you, even if it requires changing things around. I know it's hard, but don't worry about that for now (I know that's like saying "DON'T think of an elephant!"). The CRPS (please tell me you refer to it as craps!) may not be curable right now, but the worst of it goes through temporary phases, right? I totally believe in you and that you'll blow through those fitness minutes again, and we'll all be like Geez, I thought I was racking 'em up, but there goes Bren with her "just crossed Many Million Fitness Minutes!" on our feed again. I know I ain't the only one who notices and bows down to your bad self!

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LGAR519 5/17/2012 3:38PM

    What a terrible thing this CRPS is. I wish more than anything that they would find a cure for it. I hate that you are suffering and there is nothing I can do but pray for you.

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LGAR519 5/17/2012 3:38PM

    What a terrible thing this CRPS is. I wish more than anything that they would find a cure for it. I hate that you are suffering and there is nothing I can do but pray for you.

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JCARDINAL 5/17/2012 3:38PM

    I swear we have so much in common on our common goal to beat that pain into oblivion!! You can get through this. We are all in your corner nudging you along and trying to take your pain away. emoticon emoticon

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It's Alive...ALIIIIIIVE!

Monday, May 07, 2012

To follow up on my last blog, I have a SUCCESS to post.
My right hand hand now been functioning consistently for 9 days now.
*9 Days!*
I had a few good days here and there this past January, and I was happy for them. But 9 days back to back? Not since last October.

I did joke a bit about feeling like the bride of Frankenstein after being told about the nerve procedure initially (via my neck). And now that it's over and the 'cocktail' of drugs have saturated things, I think back to Gene Wilder's character as Victor Frankenstein (Fraaaaaank-in-schtein!) in Young Frankenstein, standing over The Monster screaming, 'It's aliiiiiiive!"

I am right handed, so my penmanship these past few months have been atrocious. Pointing, holding a fork, make-up application (e-gads!), extending my hand for a handshake, using my dreaded blackberry for work after hours, and MOST importantly, holding my husband's hand; touching those that I love (even petting Olive) was on hold.

When my hand was not active, it kind of curled up like a roly poly, and turned odd colors. It was very uninviting.
My hand was a figurative porcupine. It just screamed, 'don't come near!'

But this past weekend I didn't just sit on the sofa as my husband worked on projects or hung out at home. I helped! I did stuff!

We re-purposed my dresser and made a puppy kennel area with storage that didn't look like we kept our precious Olive in a milk crate at night.
I begged and pleaded for DH to give in to my zany idea. This was tough thing to do, and required much energy spent making creative hand gestures with my right hand like Vanna White in Wheel of Fortune. After my he agreed to my plan, DH removed the drawer tracks and support slats as I..... watched!
This would have been a risky first project for me, so I delegated. Even better! : ) Now the top drawers hold leashes and extra toys. Success!

I also fired off some very word-y emails, since typing was so much easier to do without stabbing at the keyboard laboriously. I apologized to my friends in advance. Ha!

When Olive brought me her ball, I was able to throw it. Wahoo! We were both pretty happy about that.

I even cradled our little Olive for the first time in a long time. Important to note that I took this photo of my husband holding her, but you know the idea.

I chopped! I sliced! I shredded queso! I assembled the guts of a healthy Cinco de Mayo celebration at home for the two of us. A small feat for many, but a BIG DEAL for me. And it was a veggie dinner, which I love. It's rare for DH and I to eat the same meal and both be pleased. Wahoo for that!

Yes, I confess I ate too much of our little feast. I guess I Cinco de Mayo'd myself, eh?
So I will need to work that off this week. But that's ok since I can hold my tiny weight in hand with more control right now, and that HAS to burn more calories, right?

Yes, this is temporary, but when it fades and I lean toward discouraging thoughts, I will remind myself of the things in this blog. Things that I have not been able to do for too many months. And that will carry me through to the next nerve procedure, and the ones after that.
These procedures are considered to be a form of pain maintenance since I do not have a cure (yet).

I'll keep taking that paper # from the machine and wait my turn to get those weeks of relief that this has provided me thus far. No complaints!

'Nuff Said

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 6/8/2012 7:04PM

    Young Frankenstein

I play this movie again and again. It never disappoints me. I have been trying to make a small collection of music and movies to play when I am in a "home" and maybe senile! chris

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OOLALA53 5/20/2012 3:00PM

    I know I saw this before and thought I left a hurrah, but here it is now. emoticon

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NUMD97 5/16/2012 6:40PM

    This is wonderful news, Bren. You really know how to make the rest of us poor shlubs appreciate the wonder in the simple tasks that we perform every day with nary a second thought.

I am over the moon for you with joy (of course!) that your hand is holding its own and hasn't complained about getting back into the mundane world of things.

May it continue (and here's hoping Lefty joins in the fun real soon),


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MRSSCHENCK 5/10/2012 6:53PM

    LOVE this blog! So happy for you. emoticon

Just letting you know ahead of time...I'm taking the puppy kennel idea. It's emoticon!

Olive is so adorable. Does she think she's human? OMGoodness. I want to knit her a baby blanket.

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TRENTDREAMER 5/9/2012 11:02PM

    Glad to hear that your hand is better.

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JCARDINAL 5/9/2012 3:24PM

    I love this blog!! Love all the things you've been able to do. That Cinco de Mayo celebration looks delish!!

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KAILYNSTAR 5/9/2012 12:52PM


A door opened up for you. I'm so happy for you. I remember when the pain was so bad in my shoulder and I couldn't even raise my hand to touch the top of my ear. I still have the twinge of pain, the reminder of 'take it easy'. I can only say, I feel for you.

The fact that you can do these things and with such joy! You're amazing and a marvel for me.

Do enjoy your freedom!

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CLOVER2 5/8/2012 6:57PM

    How wonderful for you! I am so happy to hear that you are feeling any kind of better, and to be able to do those things that most don't even think twice about. How super!


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CANNIE50 5/8/2012 5:59PM

    oh, honey, this blog makes me all kinds of happy - what a GREAT idea for the dresser/kennel area. If you were on Pinterest, that would go on there and people would be gushing (I have only visited a couple times myself, but I know a great idea when I see one!) Yay, yay, yay for all of you, for all these sweet improvements, and for some sweet (and long overdue and well deserved) relief! emoticon for now......

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MISSB8604 5/8/2012 1:41PM

    I couldn't be happier for you! Those nachos looked WONDERFUL! HA!

Proud of you girl.

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LGAR519 5/8/2012 11:42AM

    I'm so very happy for you. Every little bit of relief you get is a God-send! Enjoy and remember the good times. What a cute little dog!!


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AFTERMYKIDS 5/8/2012 9:46AM

    I'm SO happy for you emoticon Cherish every moment, you know God has a way of reminding us to enjoy the Little Things in life. Thank you So much for sharing that with us. I was touched!
BTW the dresser was a AWESOME IDEA!! Very Cute! emoticon

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OOLALA53 5/8/2012 8:24AM

    SO glad for you!

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CTUPTON 5/8/2012 7:49AM

    Wonderful! You have been through so much! Sending more prayers as we speak! Chris emoticon

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SARASMILING 5/8/2012 7:15AM

    I am SOOO HAPPY for you guys!!! And LOVE the kennel idea! Love it! I'm going to have to tell my sister who has pugs. YAAAYYYYY!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NUOVAELLE 5/8/2012 1:59AM

    Your blog reflects all your enthusiasm and your smiles while writing it! I'm so happy for you! Enjoy your hands by touching your loved ones as much as you can. Because you're right, that's the most important thing our hands can do for us!

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2WHEELEDSHARON 5/7/2012 11:18PM

    Wowee I'm so excited for you Bren! Sorry the lasagna insanguinating procedure was so awful, but how fantastic that it works! Way to go, you win the ”I've had the life sucked out of me and all I got was this puncture wound” award, and now the award for ” I'm a truly righteous badass for persevering” award goes to...Bren wins again!

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AAAACK 5/7/2012 11:17PM

    I am SO happy for you! And like I've said, I know the brain can be retrained, Autism research proves that, as does stroke patient research, so maybe your nerves (tied to brain, right?) can be retrained to just stop doing the icky flare-ups! I hope so. And I'm going to continue hoping so.

Off to watch the Voice finale :)

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CELLISTA1 5/7/2012 11:03PM

    Yay, Bren! Hands are amazing. When you were little, did you look at your hands when you were in bed? I remember doing that when I was small. Just looking at them. My 6-year-old grand-daughter was sleeping in my bed when she was here for a visit and I saw her doing it before she fell asleep. My hands have their own memories, especially for playing musical instruments. I don't have to think, my hands just do their thing. I am so glad you have this respite from your illness and can actually enjoy your hand!

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SARAWALKS 5/7/2012 10:11PM

    Wonderful news! emoticon emoticon
And that is one adorable pup! emoticon
glad you indulged yourself with cinco de mayo treats! It's a feast after all! emoticon

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PAMNANGEL 5/7/2012 10:06PM

    Love puppy central. Great idea!

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CATS_MEOW_0911 5/7/2012 10:01PM

    Hooray for good days--so happy for you, Bren!

And HOW FREAKING CUTE is your dog...

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    emoticon emoticonI *love* Olive's new digs..and am so glad you're on day 9! emoticon

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    HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!!!!!!! Bren, that is so awesome!!!
Even if it is temporary, it is great that you have some relief.

I love your idea for Olive's bed. She is a lucky dog. That pic of your hubs holding her is way too sweet.

I hope this relief lasts for a while!

emoticon emoticon

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Did you know that Vampires wear Axe cologne spray?

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Well, that's what I think that scent was anyway. Every time I feel the soreness in my neck, I tell myself that I was in a mythical world recently, and a cleanly shaven, pasty-pale, rail-thin vampire was simply introducing himself to me. We all know that vampires don't shake hands, right? : )

My nerve procedure last week went pretty well, or at least I think it did. I am supposed to see some results in a week or two (I hope). I am extremely impatient, so this is a tough one for me. I lost a lot of the use of my right hand this past October, and it has been holding out for better things until now, I guess.
As for the actual vampire hand shake last Thursday, that only took about 30 minutes. We checked in before 9:00 a.m., and were home by lunch time.

Before we headed out that morning, I was looking for my Pain Center outfit. I actually have a specific pair of yoga pants, soft T-shirt, and wire-free undergarments set aside for my procedures. I have learned the hard way that zippers and buttons are not my friends while trying to set the world record for speed-changing - from behind the thinly veiled privacy curtain around my bed - all with the nurses and my husband exchange small talk about me (while standing 6 inches from me). I was looking for my monkey slippers and saw something in my closet. It was a shiny formal purse. Ladies, this question is for you. Don't we all have at least one fancy schmancy purse, meant to be brought somewhere wonderful like a nice dinner or to see a play? Well, I don't know about you, but I haven't gone to any place that demands extra rhinestones and an unflexible (and flammable) hairstyle for years. I thought it was about time to get some mileage on this purse!
I put my wallet, cell phone and chapstick into what was now a new part of my pain center outfit, and we were off. Come on now, you can't tell me that my evening bag doesn't scream fashionista, while sporting that uber attractive hospital gown (opening in the back please!), right??? Thought so....

Since my Erythromelalgia keeps me running hot all the time, I packed a real live Spark Goodie from a spark friend, and used it often before my sterile 'limo' cruised down the corridor to the procedure room.

I've decided that the next time I do this, that I will let them put me out. I didn't really think it would hurt that much, since I was used to the other nerve pain procedures via my back. Sometimes ignorance is bliss! The anesthesiologist kept asking me if I wanted the local, but I would just flash a ridiculous smile and decline. Maybe it was the gold bag...

Once everything was set up, with my head cupped in a strange salad bowl-like thing, and blue paper covering most of my face, doctor #1 turned on some Norah Jones, and started on my neck.
I felt like I was underneath a giant plastic coated metal spider while on that table. It was stressed often to me how important it was that I not move. So, I ended up whimpering a lot (yowsers it hurt!), but nope, I did not move. It felt like the two doctors were kneading pizza dough inside of my neck, and it was a bit noisy (yuck!). Once it was done, I felt like I had a smurf in my neck, and my voice was raspy. My neck was very tender later, so my DH was not able to get the pen marks off of my neck until the next day. He did get most of the iodine off though, so at least I didn't look like I had a strange encounter with a spray tan canister! The smurf and the rasp remained for a few days, but as of today, my voice is almost completely back.

My body may not be 100% anymore, but it is still amazing to see how much better I feel only 3 days later. Yay body!

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and well wishes. I know that all of the prayers and virtual hugs kept my spirits high. I'll be scheduling another vampire nibble in the next few weeks (hrrrumph!). While I am not particularly excited about it, I am eager to see if this helps lift some of the iron blanket of pain off of my world, even just long enough to officially take my gold formal purse out for a real meal with my husband.
I'm not picky. We could be eating chicken hot dogs and baked potatoes for all I care, but that silly formal bag is coming!

'Nuff Said

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRENTDREAMER 5/5/2012 9:09AM

    "We all know that vampires don't shake hands, right? : ) "
* No, now they perm and fuss with their hair, sparkle, and act all emo. They used to terrorize, bite, suck blood from and kill people. Now they are high-contrast "complicated" french poodles. I know this to be true (I almost turned into one back in late 2010.)

- http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_p

If you want a real vampire (or good facsimile thereof), I've got two words for you: "Fright Night"

"I am extremely impatient, so this is a tough one for me. I lost a lot of the use of my right hand this past October, and it has been holding out for better things until now, I guess. "
* As always, I really hope that things get good for you in this area.

"Ladies, this question is for you. Don't we all have at least one fancy schmancy purse, meant to be brought somewhere wonderful like a nice dinner or to see a play?"
* I think that's in chapter one or two of the Ladies Handbook. If not in the formal job description, it's implied in spirit. Stacey and Clinton would agree with you, either way.

"Come on now, you can't tell me that my evening bag doesn't scream fashionista, while sporting that uber attractive hospital gown (opening in the back please!), right??? Thought so.... "
* The bag is cute.

"It felt like the two doctors were kneading pizza dough inside of my neck, and it was a bit noisy (yuck!). Once it was done, I felt like I had a smurf in my neck, "
* Ouch!

"The smurf and the rasp remained for a few days, but as of today, my voice is almost completely back. "
* Hope for continued recovery.

"My body may not be 100% anymore, but it is still amazing to see how much better I feel only 3 days later. Yay body! "
* Yay indeed.

"Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and well wishes. I know that all of the prayers and virtual hugs kept my spirits high. I'll be scheduling another vampire nibble in the next few weeks (hrrrumph!). While I am not particularly excited about it, I am eager to see if this helps lift some of the iron blanket of pain off of my world, even just long enough to officially take my gold formal purse out for a real meal with my husband. "
* Sorry I haven't been there as much for you. Good use of "hrrrumph!" my Anglican ancestry is positively giddy, I'm sure. I hope for all that you look forward to.

"We could be eating chicken hot dogs and baked potatoes for all I care, but that silly formal bag is coming! "
* :D Graduatin' from Go U!

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SMBRYCE1 5/3/2012 6:14PM

    you go! I'm all for the monkey slippers and whatever else feels right for the procedures you're going through. Maybe next vampire bite you would consider the local? Sounds like it might help it be a less difficult process. And then you can regale us all with descriptions of what it's like to have a numb neck

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 5/3/2012 9:46AM


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TIME4CARRI 5/3/2012 12:32AM

    You are an inspiration! Thank you for sharing this with all of us. I hope you feel better. emoticon

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RYDERB 5/3/2012 12:12AM

    Fancy sparkly bag, red lipstick, and monkey slippers!!! You're definitely a trend setter! We all would be lucky to have just a little of the grace, strength, and humor you use to face the world each day. Thank you for sharing. You reminded me again today, why you're my hero.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CLOVER2 5/2/2012 8:50PM

    I love your purse! Ummm...it does look a bit like you and Edward Cullen had a one on one there, but I am so hoping that it works like you want it to!
I don't know that I would be so brave, I'm the type who starts screaming for drugs and needles with oodles of novacaine when I do something as simple a walk into the dentist's office! Although you are one of the bravest people I have ever "met"! And funny, and beautiful, and smart....you got a lot of moxy, girl!
Feel better soon, I'll be keeping you in my prayers!

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MISSB8604 5/1/2012 6:20PM

    You are the greatest girl. I have no words for your courage.

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CTUPTON 5/1/2012 8:20AM

    Praying for your comfort and peace. Love the fashionista statement purse! Chris

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SARASMILING 5/1/2012 6:07AM

    Oh, I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm so sorry you were hurting. I hope the procedure works and you'll be feeling better soon.
emoticon emoticon

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SUNFLOWER4ME 5/1/2012 5:41AM

    You are so strong. You are so sweet in that sugar free, not feeling guilty kind of way emoticon . You are SUPER funny and have gift for writing. You are amazing, you are amazing, you are AMAZING. And you don't need that shiny purse to make yourself feel beautiful and important, but I absolutely LOVE that you brought it with you.

Yay for your body, yay for YOU! I could not be happier that you are seeing some good results. Maybe the shiny purse is a 'goodness' magnet?! Maybe?


Comment edited on: 5/1/2012 5:42:33 AM

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CANNIE50 4/30/2012 8:30PM

    I am so glad that Disneyland fan is helping! Wish I could take credit for the shiny purse. I think that purse is a fabulous addition to your "procedure" outfit (and you are so smart to have a "procedure" outfit based on trial and error). Honey, anesthesiologists are our friends, generally speaking. You look them in the eyes, tell them you know they are going to take really good care of you, and they do! I am thrilled that you are starting to have some benefits. No one over the age of 14 actually wears Axe, do they? Since my 8 year old wears it, as you know, I associate with the pre-pubescent set, not with people who are allowed to freely handle needles. Yikes! emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 4/30/2012 1:51PM

    You're right, ignorance is bliss. Only, next time an anethiesologist keeps asking you if you want something for the incurring pain...take the hint.

You poor sweetheart of a girl. I wish I could be there to support you whole heartedly.

Thank goodness that there is less pain for you.

Thank goodness things worked out for you.

Thank goodness I found you.

You're in my thoughts. As for the purse...I don't have anything fancy like that. I never did. I would feel so self-conscious in a place where I would have to dress up like that.

I prefer pulling up the floor and making myself at home.

Have a good day.

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JCARDINAL 4/30/2012 1:38PM

    I believe you should take any drugs they offer you!! Glad you're feeling a little relief. Can I borrow that shiny purse for one of my outings????

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GUITARWOMAN 4/30/2012 12:16PM

    I so admire your positive attitude!

You are an example to all of us.

The purse definitely rocks, it has that je ne sais quois that make it qu'elle appropriate for any occasion :-).

You go girl!


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SARAWALKS 4/30/2012 10:58AM

    Great news, I'm so glad it went well and you are somewhat more free of pain! FAB PURSE! Keeping prayers going up that you will be enjoying it in the proper atmosphere without a gown open up the back!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
I'm not sure I could have held still! I'd probably be such a nervous wreck from having to hold still that I would wiggle...

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LGAR519 4/30/2012 10:17AM

    Love you and your purse. Hope the procedure works. What we don't do to help the pain!?!?!?

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    prayers going out your way, Pat

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AAAACK 4/30/2012 1:51AM

    Hey, your left hand is looking really good! Is that your wedding ring you can wear again? And sheesh what a lot of alarming armbands! What was the risk one, I'm prying to know (like my stupid pun)? I hope also that you get awesome results even before you have to go for the next one so that you'll look forward to this one (a little) rather than dread it like this last one.

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2WHEELEDSHARON 4/30/2012 1:22AM

    You deserve an endless supply of flammable and shiny accessories and tools with fans attached to them. Hugs!

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OOLALA53 4/29/2012 11:40PM

    Gold is the new black. It goes with everything. emoticon

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FINALLYBEINGME 4/29/2012 10:43PM

    That clutch is completely fabulous and definitely needs to go with you to a place better than the hospital :).. emoticon I hope you see good results from the procedure *soon* - keeping everything crossed. emoticon

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MAMADWARF 4/29/2012 10:40PM

    Only you Bren! Lol. Thank you for sharing what this was like for you and I am glad to see you used the fan Cannie gave you! I really hope this helps and I always say...TAKE THE DRUGS!!!!!! Hugs!

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    I really hope you get to take that purse somewhere fun soon!
I'm glad it went ok....other than the pain & gross noises.
Was your vampire all sparkly like the Twilight vampires?


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Bull's Eye

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I'm scheduled to get another nerve procedure tomorrow morning. I've been in complete denial about this since writing the date down two weeks ago. Why? I need to figure this out. Well, I will apparently get poked (deeply) in my neck to find a specific vein or artery (?) and inject a magical potion that will hopefully help with my chronic pain.
I guess I am a bit wiggly about it. Well, I am wiggly anyway I guess, due to my health. But in the words of my Spark pal Cannie50, I am having my own personal earthquake!

Currently my attention span is like that of my puppy Olive:
What time do I need to stop eating/drinking again?
Ooh, a shiny pair of earrings on sale now!
I should wrap up my boss' travel in case I need more time off.
Wow, Peet's Coffee is on sale at Safeway! Need more caffeine! (no, no Bren, you REALLY don't!)
I need to ask my DH to get some meals together in anticipation of being couch-bound post-procedure.
I smell popcorn! Who is making popcorn?!?
Oy! Ok, let's re-group.

I've done numerous procedures to try to alleviate some of my pain. I am a pro at this. Why is this causing me to register a 4.8 on my richter scale? What is the deal?

It's definitely due to the location of the procedure. The Pain Center docs will be working in my neck for a bit. Creepy.
Think of your neck as a nice slice of lasagna if you will. From what I have (finally) read, they will be going pretty deep. I guess that would be the ground turkey layer of that lasagna...? Can't they do this through the nice cheesy top layer without messing with the wonderful stuff below?
This is not an inviting feeling for me. I don't want someone digging around in my lasagna.
Plus, there is a chance of seizure since the area is near my carotid artery. I was told that the doctors know how to stop that seizureif it were to happen. Ok, I guess?

I've decided that I need to use my (often twisted) sense of humor to get me to the Pain Center tomorrow in good spirits, especially since this procedure is only to treat my right hand. I will still need to book 3 more procedures for my other appendages, and then repeat, repeat, repeat.

So far I am looking for stickers like the Target bull's eye logo to slap onto my neck before my appointment. Wouldn't that be just awesome?
Or, perhaps I could use a scented magic marker and write a large 'X' to mark the spot?
I'm glancing at my office supplies as I type this, and wondering how I can use those nifty 'mark here' arrow stickies to pile on my neck, all pointing to the right area.

I AM making myself into a literal dart board, right? Should I bring darts? I could just hand them to the doctors as I enter the room and then stand up against the wall.
Maybe bring in a plastic samurai sword? Some fondue skewers?

In all honesty, I just want this to help my pain, with every fiber and nerve ending in my being.
Just for a little while.
If I could cross my fingers and toes for good luck I would.
Would you do that for me please?

'Nuff Said

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIME2BLOOM4ME 5/3/2012 9:47AM


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SKIPSIDE 4/29/2012 3:56PM

    Hoping for a dash of miracles sprinkled over your procedures.

All this going on and you can still hit the humor nerve and make me LOL with your recap of the wacked out attention span (that sounds incredibly familiar)

Even skilled doctors can be helped by the power of prayer
and a little fairy magic emoticon

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SARAWALKS 4/28/2012 10:08AM

    OH, I want this to help your pain too! Looked you up because of - guess who - CANNIE! You are famous now so we will all put stickies on our pages pointing to YOUR page.
You are a funny lady with a fantastic attitude. I wanna be your friend!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AFTERMYKIDS 4/27/2012 7:18PM

    I truly wish I could reach in there and give you a hug emoticon I know I'm reading this a little late and you have already had the surgery...which I'm SO THANKFUL to hear you're doing good, but YOU are such a trooper!! emoticon I don't know if I could joke around like that. I LOVE your attitude and God knew what he was doing when he gave you that Truly AWESOME Gift! He will see you through this emoticon
My prayers are with you!

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KAILYNSTAR 4/27/2012 6:58PM

    You are an amazing, strong and courageous person.

Pain is such a wearing thing for anyone. I wish there was something, some miracle out there that would get rid of the pain for you.

Just as you are being courageous, so are your doctors. I myself would be scared and wondering at this crazy, beautiful, delicate, yet strong individual that is trusting me to poke with a needle.

My thoughts are with you. I really hope that this helps you...I really do.

Good luck.


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COLUMBINE2 4/27/2012 4:13PM

    What a great attitude you have...I hope it all went very smoothly....and the pain stays away permanently.

Take care....you're in my thoughts! emoticon

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OOLALA53 4/26/2012 5:38PM

    Geesh, you have to be awake for this? Not even an Ativan to get you relaxed?

Is there such a thing as reverse voodoo, where sticking needles in dolls ends pain? I wish...

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JCARDINAL 4/26/2012 1:23PM

    It's very hard to type with everything crossed but I will!! All my prayers are going with you and this WILL give you some relief!! emoticon emoticon

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SHERRIE_BERRY 4/26/2012 6:33AM

    Hey Sweetie-peetie,

I will cross my fingers, toes, arms, legs and even braid my hair (that's crossed right?). This procedure is going to be the one that makes it all better...pinky swear!! You are going to get relief I just know it!

I'll be thinking of you and sending telepathic messages to those docs to treat you with extra special care!!!

As always sending cool breezes and hugs to you!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SARASMILING 4/26/2012 6:15AM

    Everything's crossed and prayers are being said. We're here for you. You can do this. You are so strong.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AAAACK 4/26/2012 3:52AM

    Post-it arrows! And LOTS of la la land meds. Sheesh, I really hope it goes way better than you fear. And I hope you get some relief from it! Are the other ones for other body parts also deep neck piercings? Hey, that's it, bring a cute little nosering to stick in the hole. Yeah, right, sure, that's kooky. Good luck with both the procedure and with retaining your sense of humor.

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2WHEELEDSHARON 4/25/2012 10:19PM

    On I'm crossing every body part for you. And a friend pointed out that our intestines are always crossed for each other. Since we have football field length intestines, just think of all that intestinal love for you!

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EVERSTEPH 4/25/2012 9:26PM

    I'm crossing all my appendages for you!

Hey -- maybe it'll be like accupuncture; a little needle poke here; a little needle poke there; suddenly you're feeling good!


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LGAR519 4/25/2012 9:01PM

    I'm praying that everything will work out for you.

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    Ugh..needles..yuck..and yuck and I feel your stress.
Thinking of the good:
Needle poke = temporary pain to get rid of chronic pain (praying and keeping all kinds of things crossed)
Couch bound post procedure = time to watch lots of destressing movies and catch up on spark to get support from your friends.
The best "what if "to think of pre-procedure..what if this really really really helps..

Sending lots of emoticon and good thoughts your way. p.s. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog in the middle of everything you're dealing with and understanding. Sometimes you just need someone to get it!

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BECKYB73 4/25/2012 7:23PM

    Crossing stuff for you....maybe you can find some temporary tattoos to help with their aim?

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    I'm keeping everything crossed for you Bren....even my eyes!

LOL....just read Marki's comment...great minds think alike ;P

Comment edited on: 4/25/2012 6:46:16 PM

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MISSB8604 4/25/2012 6:41PM

    Dearest Bren,

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and definitely praying. I think your amazing sense of humor WILL help you get through it. Please stay positive, think of wonderful things and don't be hard on yourself if things don't go exactly right. You can do this and I have no doubt you will.

You are loved.

Your Friend,

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RYDERB 4/25/2012 6:23PM

    Bren, you know I'll cross EVERYthing including my eyes for you! Heck, I'll make my DH cross his too. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, sending prayers, and telling that Tracy girl she's going to have to wait, until we're both ready to move on together. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Who Knew???

Sunday, April 08, 2012

I am a lucky Spark gal.
Yesterday I got to meet TWO awesome Spark Pals.

I laughed! I giggled! I probably snorted.... : )

Thank You to Cannie and Mamadwarf for making my day!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELIBUG 4/17/2012 3:16PM

    HOW FUN~!

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CANNIE50 4/11/2012 4:14PM

    It was SO much fun to spend time with you and Jan aka Mamadwarf. It was such a crazy blend of already knowing you and just meeting you. You are even more beautiful in person, you know (you do know this, correct?) Payton commented several times about how nice you and Randy and Jan were. You all were so sweet with his bouncy self, and so patient with him. The time flew by. How ironic that we forgot to eat because we were so busy talking and laughing. I am crawling out of my post-travel funk/exhaustion - I knew it would take me some time since I completely drained my batteries, so to speak. It was so worth it, though. PS QUITE the handsome husband, honey (but you knew that......)

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KAILYNSTAR 4/11/2012 12:50PM

    Nice to finally meet some friends! I bet you know more about them than their own family and friends. emoticon

Hey, wait a minute....that could be a really good thing. emoticon

Ahhhh, just kidding!!!! emoticon

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FITNESSJEN11 4/10/2012 10:36AM

    So cool!! I hope to meet my Tracy friends someday!! :)))
God Bless!!!

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BETHALEA 4/9/2012 8:47PM

  "whenever i see your smilin' face, i have to smile myself, because i love you... yes i do"

:) i miss your snort.

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AAAACK 4/9/2012 3:17PM

    You all look so happy -- and a little dangerous (hee hee)!

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MISSB8604 4/9/2012 2:25PM


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JCARDINAL 4/9/2012 12:40PM

    Fantastic!! Hope you had a great day!

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LGAR519 4/9/2012 10:35AM

    Wish I could meet some of my Sparkfriends. Good for you!

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TRENTDREAMER 4/9/2012 9:40AM


Glad you had a good day.

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SARASMILING 4/9/2012 6:12AM

    How fun is that?! And how cute are you?! That's awesome you got to spend time together.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RYDERB 4/9/2012 12:07AM

    Sounds fabulous! Thanks for posting the picture! You're all so beautiful! And your smiles say it all! emoticon emoticon

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CLOVER2 4/8/2012 8:00PM

    How super cool is that!!! I would so have loved to have been there, Cannie you look amazing! And Mamadwarf, you are super too! Bren, you look so good, I am glad to see you looking healthy and happy, I am so happy you had a wonderful day with two incredible people! You all have a great day!
emoticon emoticon

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CATS_MEOW_0911 4/8/2012 7:51PM

    Soooo lucky! You gals look great!

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OOLALA53 4/8/2012 7:27PM

    This is SO COOL! What city are in you, BTW? (I shouldn't be online so I'm not going ot go to your page to see if you tell us, but I know you had to fly to go to the pain center.)

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2WHEELEDSHARON 4/8/2012 7:18PM


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ARLENE_MOVES 4/8/2012 6:36PM

    emoticon emoticon

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VALERIEMAHA 4/8/2012 6:30PM

    UBER-cool...aren't SparkFriend meet-ups just the cat's meow!

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