JINXY2009   3,642
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JINXY2009's Recent Blog Entries

Sunday IS a Fun Day

Saturday, January 15, 2011

well I am hoping it will be lol. It is only 7.30am :)

I was really struggling last night wanting something to eat that wasn't good. Thankfully we had no bad food in the house at all. I just had more water and another diet shake and I was fine.

TOM came and my weight was down this morning. So it should be a pretty good loss this week. Yay

I have been studying and getting ready for my new job. I really want to do well this time and not just go through the motions. I was reading a blog by another engineer about coasting once you get to a certain level in your career and sure enough his experience was the same as mine!

I am still worried about my appearance though as it is hard enough still being a female in a male dominated profession but we get judged so unfairly on our appearance.

Years ago, I used to be judgmental too but that was youth. I was all of 100lbs soaking wet and of course knew it all. I had one instructor who was working on a PhD in computer science which was pretty rare back then. She probably weighed 300lbs or so. I think it was that she was dressed so sloppy and had odor that made me so judgmental. Today, I wouldn't do that but other people do still judge.

I was supposed to start C25K on Friday but I haven't started it yet.

I am feeling very self conscious about running outside and I do have anxiety about exercise in general. I do have a house length enclosed room I could run up and down lol. I have something called GAD and at time it really stinks. I recall buying a fancy heart rate monitor and used it and kept watching it that it wasn't going down as fast as I thought it should and I had a panic attack over it. Yeah GAD is like that. Same with getting my blood pressure taken.


I mentioned in another blog post that I don't even really like running. I suppose I am doing it just to say I can do it.


  


another week down

Friday, January 14, 2011

I didn't lose anything this week but did stay the same. I know it is because TOM is coming and then there will be a huge drop.

I have been perfect with my diet. Not even a crumb off of it!

I am feeling better than I was yesterday.

I guess I was feeling self conscious. There really aren't many overweight people here. Not compared to where I am from in the US. I don't want to be the biggest person on my team at work or anywhere.

Then my husband orders his usual pizza and pasta and he sits there and eats it all. He was getting stuffed and said something about not having anyone to eat with him anymore.

Yeah it smells delicious but really he has a super super high metabolism and can eat an entire pizza and a 4 serving pasta dish all by himself and never gain an ounce.

I eat one piece and a few spoonfuls and I gain. I just can't do it anymore.

I really hate when people say oh one piece isn't going to hurt you. Ummm for some people yes it does!

There are plenty of people out there you can live off junk food and never gain but many others just a small helping and say eating these foods like say mcdonalds 2x a time and a slice of pizza a week absolutely does make me gain.

So no...just one piece DOES hurt me.

Then the sweets. People say just eat one small piece of chocolate. I can't do that. I eat one piece and the sugar makes me crave and want to binge on it so bad so for some people they really are satisfied after one piece but for others it isn't satisfying at all and causes a binge.

I guess what I am saying is I know myself better than these other people know me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JINXY2009 1/15/2011 6:28PM

    Thank you love. I think part of it is knowing yourself and figuring out what works and what doesn't. We really aren't all the same. We are all beautiful unique individuals.

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GOGETUMX2 1/15/2011 5:04AM

    Good for you for knowing yourself, & your limits!!! Keep up the good work!!!

(My hubby could eat like that for decades... it caught up to him)

(Maybe i shouldn't admit this but it just turns me off when he stuffs his face)

PS. I love the title of your blog

Comment edited on: 1/15/2011 5:05:06 AM

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Frumpy Dumpy Dump

Friday, January 14, 2011

I really don't know what has happened to me.

I recall a time when I was heavier than I am now and I dressed very well and got compliments on my clothes and style.

Today I saw my reflection in a store window downtown and I look so frumpy and old. :( Then my butt! I swear I never remember having this huge donkey booty! Accckkk

I was walking around downtown before my appointment and I felt so insecure like I didn't want to be outside. Of course nobody is paying attention to me and I know that so it isn't as if I felt people were looking at me.

Then I got to my appointment and began to sign the contract for my new job and then she mentioned something about the dress code and said it was smart business casual and she said like so and so you interviewed with.

I am sitting there thinking I have never really had anyone mention the dress code in such detail and I thought about what I was wearing and it was a regular knee length dress. The fabric was purple and black sort of animal print. I thought it looked good and I had black pumps to go with it.

I don't know. Maybe I am being really self-conscious.

I don't want to update my wardrobe as it is too expensive only to lose the weight.

I don't have hardly anything that fits either. Everything is too small. :(

I find it hard to do anything with my hair. It is shoulder length but it is so very thin and fine, it looks terrible. Yes pictures of my hair on this page but my hair is much thinner.

Sigh...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETPEA0214 1/15/2011 9:13PM

    Oh sweetie - I think we all have days like this. And that reflection you are seeing in the window is skewed. Look at yourself in a good mirror. You'll be amazed at the difference. As for your clothes - see if you can go to a Goodwill or thrift store. That's what I do when I am in the weight loss mode. That way I don't pay a lot for clothes and I can donate them back to the same place I got them and I'm really not out a lot of money. You will be amazed at what you can find if you take the time to look. I have gotten GAP clothese for $5.00. As for your hair, just take some time to put some products in it and blow dry it out nice. You are beautiful. Put a smile on your face and people will see that!

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2nd day logging in

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

So here I am logging in 2 days in a row lol

I weighed this morning and was up about 1/4 of a pound but I suspect that is due to TOM coming as I do feel bloated.

I have been perfect with my diet.

Too bad we don't have a simple People kibble to eat like pets do. As small children when we are ready to eat solids, our mum go down and get us some Purina Kiddie Chow :)

Life would be easier that is for sure.

I am so ready to start my new job! We really need the money. I got a call and they want to move my start date up a week.

My grown daughter pretty much hates me. :(( Maybe I'll talk about it later.

This certainly isn't true in all cases but have you noticed how some of the nicest easy going people get treated like utter garbage while the most pompous annoying jerks have people licking their boots?

So today I am going to work on some programming skills I need to be fresh on and then do some exercise and then wash my car.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JINXY2009 1/14/2011 3:12AM

    Thank you. Yes, it does has to do with something she did and doesn't want to hear about.

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BAKERICLISA 1/13/2011 6:12AM

    Kids hate when parents say NO or even hold them accountable . . . how DARE they. You must ask yourself, does she hate YOU or what you asked/did for her . . . most times it's not the person, just what was said or done.

My college aged son said he wants a new car and a big screen TV . . . I just looked at him like 'SO' . . . he got the hint. You don't always get what you want.

Hold your chin up!


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One more time

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

It is really hard to come back here after you have failed. I was 176 the last time I was here and over a year's time, ate myself up to around 194! I am so ashamed of myself.

I started my diet the 31st of December and today weighed in at 191 but think I am retaining water as day before yesterday I was 189.

I really feel bad as now it is another 20 pounds I have to deal with. :(

Last year was just horrible though. We bought a new house which is great but stressful. Then my MIL cancer came back and she died. About a month after that, our house was robbed.

During this time, my son was in jail for a dui. He gets out and is on house arrest for 4 months and his dad who had cancer took a turn for the worst. He died too.

I had just started a new job and I was really having a hard time with all of this and my son was arrested again and I was really not doing well and my boss starts working on firing me. I had a nervous breakdown and he did fire me. So then being out of work for 3 months didn't help anything.

So hear I am feeling better and getting ready to start a new job soon.

So yes, I have been perfect and not cheated, not even a crumb. I am completely able to ignore the tons of fast food my husband buys and gobbles down. I am glad because that is how I would mess up every time. I would be super tired and super hungry and he would order pizza and the one slice lead to eating badly again.

So I would be good all week having 1500 calories a day of healthy food and then one day a week would ruin it with thousands of calories of junk.

I guess I am sick of being fat. None of my clothes fit and I look so frumpy and gross and I don't want to shop in the plus size shop. I just don't.

So that is all for now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BREWHAHA 1/12/2011 12:12AM

    Don't let yourself look behind you. Move forward with resolve and accept the fact that life happens and you can't control everything and you can't be perfect. Just try to be better more often than not. We are all here for the same reason and I would bet that we have a great deal in common. It can be done and you will come out of it a different person.

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LIVITUP3 1/11/2011 11:15PM

  You are such a strong person! I know that you can reach your goal.

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FANORONHA_14 1/11/2011 10:52PM

    You are emoticonYou are emoticon
Never Give Up!
emoticon
Life is Good!
Good Health is the Greatest Wealth!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13

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