JILLYBEAN3492   14,864
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JILLYBEAN3492's Recent Blog Entries

Day 6 - Early Mornings

Monday, September 10, 2012

Hi there!

Well, it's the beginning of early mornings for me this week due to school. I wish I had gotten to bed a little earlier last night, but oh well. This morning when I stepped on the scale my first reading was 213.2, then 213.0! After my shower it was 212.4 and 212.6, so I am a little questioning of which is the result with the most truth. I will just take it for what it is worth and say I am less than 214!

Anyways, I hope I feel brave enough to go to the fitness center at my school today. I say brave because this is a new school to me, and it's so confusing to figure out my way around, plus I never see my friends and feel like I am a total loner. I swear I have social anxiety. I hate feeling awkward around a bunch of people I don't know or going into new situations. I must though, and I am excited to get a routine going.

I hope you all have a nice day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEATHER1969 9/11/2012 12:21AM

    I really hope you went to the fitness center today! Please come and tell me you did!

Social anxiety is extremely common... just breathe through it and push every positive word into your brain that you can and Just DO IT!

I am a scale slave... I weigh in every day, BUT you really can't step on it after that first time.... get on, get off and don't do it again until the next day! It will play with your mind and you have enough to deal with!

Can't wait to hear you did it!

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Day 5 - The ball is slowly rolling

Sunday, September 09, 2012

It's official I think. I stepped on the scale today and I was 212.6, 0.6 down from yesterday! I am pretty sure the drop from 217 on Wednesday and now is mostly water weight, but that's ok! It needs to happen so I will let it and embrace it. Whatever bit I lose, it gives me hope. I'm going shopping with my mom today, so I plan to restock the kitchen with fruits and vegetables, seeing as that's practically all I have ate this week. Can't wait to report back to you guys tomorrow. Happy Sunday!

  


Hey Folks

Saturday, September 08, 2012

I'm back at it again. I have started at a new school with a new program, so I'm ready for a fresh and good start. It's a good time to do things right, I can't fail school anymore and I can't destroy my body anymore. I plan to take advantage of my 4 hour breaks between classes on Mondays to catch up or get ahead on assignments and studying, and use my student rights to the gym!

I started tracking what I've been eating on Wednesday, staying within my range mostly and drinking a ton of water. Soon exercise will fall into place. I'm thinking I will take my doggy for a walk today. I feel good! I have lots of motivation and I'm excited to see how far I will go. I weighed in yesterday morning at 217.2 and this morning I was 213.2! I know it's probably some fluke, but we will see tomorrow. I plan to make official weigh ins on Wednesdays where I record it on my SparkPage and log it in SparkPeople, so I am excited to see what progress I have made in a week. Thank you to the SparkFriends who have motivated and inspired me. Keep up the good work!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FREECAL1 9/10/2012 1:16AM

  Good for you Jillybean. I've just started trying hard to try and lose some pounds and exercise more. We all know it's easier to go on than take off.

I'm wishing you well and will see you in the team news.

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So it's been a while...

Saturday, July 21, 2012

I've been away from SparkPeople for a while now due to lots of things going on and then just guilt.I was in a Utah for a month and before that my friends were all leaving me behind and heading home from school while I prepared to do the same. Being home again has been a hard adjustment, especially now that I am being reminded of all of the reasons I hate this city.

I feel unsatisfied with life currently; I'm can't find a job, have no motivation , dread going to school in September for something I do not if I will like, have no achievements in my life, and I feel so fat. I know that achievement can be conquered with a little bit of motivation to get myself on track and being healthy again. I just wish things would work out for once for me. I need a job for so many reasons, but I lack the confidence to go out to many places and apply. I feel like they won't want me because of the way I look, etc., etc. It's dumb I know, but I am so self-conscious. Today was the first time in a week that I have left the house. It's that bad. Depression has definitely started to set in and I feel doomed.

I don't like anything I wear, and I hate that people always capture a different image of me than the one I see in the mirror. There are days when I might feel good about how I look and what I'm wearing, but when I see a tagged picture from facebook that is so unflattering from that same day I felt great and confident, I wonder how I missed seeing "all of me". I cringe and have to untag myself. I know I'm being a negative Nancy right now, I just need to write all of this out and vent. It's how I feel, no sense in lying about that. This is all. Hopefully I will be able to make the small changes in my life that I am in desperate need for.
Thanks for reading!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALYSSA40 7/22/2012 1:49PM

    You are not alone. You'll get back on track - just don't stop loving yourself! You're so beautiful. Find where you want to go and get there honey! lol

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PASKALINI 7/22/2012 9:31AM

    I know exaclty what you mean I was just responding to someone else's post about how I'd do my hair and make up and feel great and then see myself in someone else's facebook picture and feel mortified that people saw that version of me when I didn't! You and only you can change that though. It's one thing you have control over while you are out there job hunting. I hope you turn your depression around quick and get back to living your life. Chin up.

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AEROGIRL1594 7/22/2012 9:24AM

    I really hope that you find what you need to become more motivated very soon! I think a lot of it probably is self confidence. Once you get the confidence up everything else will slowly fall into place! Just work hard, and start slowly towards your goals, and who knows what all you will achieve! Good luck, I know you can do this!
xoxo,
Emma
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I think I am starting to see results!

Sunday, April 08, 2012

Last night my boyfriend and I were video chatting and we asked me if I had lost weight, because he said that I looked curvier.

Then today I put on a button up dress that is usually really snug across my torso, but it is comfortable and seems looser today! Yay!

I don't know, the last couple of days I would say that I have felt a difference in how my stomach felt, and even how it appears. It feels smoother, like a layer has been taken off. I can't believe it, nor can I wait to see more awesome results as I continue to work hard. Work pays off!

That's all, Happy Easter to all!!! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOOKGAL66 4/19/2012 6:12PM

    Way to go! Keep up the good work! It's such a great feeling when your clothes don't fit like they used to, in a good way!

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ANKLLOYD 4/11/2012 1:01PM

    Great job! I am so happy for you!! Keep up the great work - you can do this!

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HEATHER1969 4/11/2012 11:11AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

YOU ARE ROCKIN IT! Keep up the great work!

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JULIE4287 4/11/2012 10:27AM

    That's so great! Feels good, doesn't it?

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KRISTEN_SAYS 4/9/2012 8:40AM

    Nicely done! Keep it up!

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WHQPHQ 4/9/2012 8:04AM

    emoticon
Well done! I bet it motivates you to keep going!

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_SCARLETT_ 4/9/2012 5:00AM

    emoticon That's wonderful!!! I'm so happy for you! Keep up the wonderful efforts!

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HYATTI1 4/9/2012 12:57AM

    Keep up the good work. Glad you fit back into the dress.

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DEBMARIE86 4/8/2012 10:22PM

    Yay! Congrats :-) its such a great feeling to see results! Keep at it!!

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BRUDEV07 4/8/2012 5:27PM

    Congratulations! Glad your hard work is paying off!

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JUDYNH 4/8/2012 4:44PM

  Nice job. Keep up the good work!

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