Saturday, April 16, 2011
Due to some unfortunate circumstances, I am now going on a cruise through parts of the Mexican Riviera. My best friend bought tickets to the cruise and charged them to her credit card with the expectation that everyone who said they were going was to pay her back. I told her that I could not make it on this cruise (even if the cruise was my idea in the first place, due to money and timing circumstances), so I was not included in the list of folks that was to pay her back for the tickets. Much like plane tickets, cruise tickets are non-refundable. Well, I guess two people have totally flaked out on her. So, she's got $1,000.00 worth of tickets for a cruise and no one to fill those spots. In steps me. Unfortunate for her and those flaky tools, but pretty sweet for me.
This also means one more thing... I need a swimsuit. Which means I have to go through the worst experience in the world for a fat person (any person really, but especially for the very overweight set). I have to go swimsuit shopping. I would also love to slim down a lot more before the cruise, which is in about 5 weeks. I'm not expecting miracles, and I expect to do this in a very healthy way, so I have 5 weeks to see how I can transform my body.
One major obstacle is in my way at the moment: allergies (I hope). I'm assuming its allergies just based on the fact that I don't "feel" sick. I haven't slowed down much, save for the fact that I am not sleeping very well and I'm definitely not getting enough oxygen into my bloodstream! I am soooooooooooooo congested, though. I can't breathe out of my nose, period. Its stuffed or running 24/7 since Tuesday. Everything that's been coming out has been clear, for the most part, but there have been a few times that things have been extra thick and definitely colorful. That's making me a little nervous. Its also making things like walking short distances and exercising (and obviously sleeping) very difficult because I can't breathe. AT ALL. Ugh!!!
Anyway, back to the cruise. To give myself a visual reminder, a la motivation board style (since I missed the Spark Rally where we made them all together- MEGA SAD ABOUT THAT!!!!) I made some and hung them where I could see them every day. And here they are:
For reminding me where I'm going and why I'll be in a swimsuit- lots and lots of beach time!
For reminding me what I'm working for. While also reminding me I'm beautiful at any size.
I'm a huge advocate for accepting the body at any size and finding beauty where most people see ugliness or unhealthy or otherwise unattractive bodies. I don't believe you have to be a size 2 to be considered beautiful and shame on the people that do! I also recognize for myself that this body is not a healthy one. (If you have Facebook, you should go read and "like" the page titled Any-body, link at the bottom) I have medical issues that could potentially be resolved with some weight loss. I have medical issues that began because of my weight. I have self-conscious issues with only one body part, really, and that's my legs. I do not like my legs. But, that does not mean they are not beautiful. They get me where I need to go and I am grateful to have them. It does not mean I think they are fabulous looking... and that's something I need to work on.
Sorry about this blog. It kinda went everywhere, didn't it? Anyway, to anyone who read, if anyone actually has, thank you. I appreciate your taking the time to read something a lowly stranger has written. If you leave a comment, thank you. Its nice to know I'm not just sending this out into the ether.
Any-body Facebook Page:
Friday, March 25, 2011
I'm hoping by writing down all my reasons, big and small, vain and humble, that it'll give me a boost of motivation.
I'm a little concerned with my lack of energy for the last two weeks. I don't think I'm deficient in any nutrient and I'm taking additional B12 daily. I am not sure it could be anemia as I've been taking back-to-back birth control to stop my periods (until my ovaries can prove to me they can handle a cycle!), but maybe that's a reason... I've been doing this since October/November-ish. Over the last few days I've had more allergy or cold symptoms start to flare up... maybe I've slooooooowly been catching something? I've stopped eating red meat, so maybe I'm not getting enough protein in my diet. But, ever since I started getting super tired I've also gotten much less hungry. I don't know what's going on, to be honest. I wish I had health insurance so I could go get checked out by doctor. Anyone else have any possibilities? I feel like I just can't sleep enough.
Anyway, on to the REAL reason for this blog:
Why do I want to lose weight?
*To reduce the recurrence of the cysts on my ovaries.
*To strengthen my immune system.
*To have an easier time clothes shopping.
*To put less strain on my knees, hips, and feet.
*To walk up the stairs without losing my breath.
*So my arms can fit into tight sleeves without looking like stuffed sausage.
*So people can stop thinking I'm unhealthy just because I'm fat.
*So I can walk/jog a 5K in November.
*To reduce my risk of diseases, illnesses, and issues that occur due to being overweight.
*So I can be buff enough to open my own jars and take out the trash without struggle.
*So my butt can look good in a pair of jeans.
*So my whole lower half can look good in a pair of skinny jeans!
*So I can dress like the women from Mad Men.
*So I can go back to ballet and not feel self-conscious squished into a pair of tights and a leotard.
*So I can climb around like a monkey in a theatre to do electrician work (should I finally get a job doing so).
*So I can fit back into my favorite black cocktail dress. And red cable knit sweater. And green corduroy jacket. And ball gown that I made myself.
*So I can hate my legs less.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
... at work yesterday.
I go in to work, like I normally do, and the Boss Lady asks me, "So, do you want one of the wedding dresses hanging in the bathroom?" And I say, "Sure!" I left with a free wedding dress.
When the store first opened back in November 2009, a customer came in to ship some items overseas. So, Boss Lady gets a box and delicately packs up three exactly identical wedding dresses for shipment. The customer seemed a little sketch, not willing to completely fill out paperwork for the shipment, etc, so the next part of the story is no surprise.
A few weeks go by and lo and behold the box gets sent back to the store. (They put it on our DHL account, so the shop's address was the return address.) So, Boss Lady gets on the phone and calls the man back. Well, she was never able to get ahold of him. The box of brideless dresses sat in the back of the store for about a year. She finally sent him a certified letter a few weeks ago, using the address he used to fill out the paperwork, and said if we do not hear from you by such and such a date, we will dispose of the package.
I procured one of the dresses. It seemed like a waste to just toss 'em. And since they're brand new, it would be a little odd to just donate them to Salvation Army or something. I think I'm going to look for a specific charity that takes wedding dresses to donate to. Or I may keep it. I was quite surprised to discover that in losing 13 pounds since December/January (I wasn't really keeping track) that I've dropped a dress size as well. So, I took the dress thinking it was too small. Out of curiosity I tried on the dress and it fit. In fact, its almost too big on top. Fits just right on bottom... which has always been a thorn in my side finding nice dresses/clothes to wear. Not equal proportions on top and bottom!
So, for the curious, here is me in this lovely, but not my style, wedding dress.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Despite one pretty upsetting blip in my week this past week, I had a much better week than I did at the beginning of this month. Lemme talk about the blip and get that out of the way:
On Wednesday afternoon, I went in to work like I always do. My boss tells me that someone tried to call me at the shop the previous day! I work there 5.5 hours a week, unless I'm called in, so to me the shop is the worst place to try to contact me. And, since it's not my business and I'm just a clerk there, I felt that it was highly inappropriate for someone to try to call me there. The woman trying to reach me wouldn't tell my boss what the call was regarding, as she only wanted to speak to me, so Boss Lady took a message. Apparently this lady was calling from the California Business Bureau, so my boss (and myself) were concerned that maybe somewhere on this years tax forms or W-2's or something that she had listed my name as like a co-owner or that something got messed up, so I told her I'd call back and find out what the deal was. WELL... It was a busy day and I didn't get to make that phone call until I had closed up shop and signed out for the day. Turns out CBB is a debt collection agency! I was in the hospital twice this summer, one visit covered by insurance, one visit not... So, I was receiving bills and statements and surveys and tons of stuff from each of these visits. With my current employment situation, I cannot make payments on these, so I made arrangements with everyone. Unfortunately, one slipped under the radar. It happens. Ever happened to you? It happened to me. So, this woman proceeds to have a conversation with me. I have to tell you, this is one soul-less, heartless B**** with a capital B! I have never been treated so miserably by someone before! By the end of the conversation, this woman called me a liar and loser... in the same sentence. I realize these people are allowed to use whatever tactics they can to get people to pay up, and I'm sure this shell of a person with no soul has been given every excuse in the book, but being rude and calling me a liar/loser makes me want to cooperate less. I don't feel like she's bullying me into paying, I feel like she's bullying me into NOT paying because I don't want to help out a total @$$hole. The really infuriating part is, I told her the absolute God's-honest truth about my financial situation. So, in the meantime, she can suck it. I was so angry with her, I was in tears. Eff that B. Fo real.
But, that was the biggest blip of my week. The rest went pretty well. I got up 3 days this week and went for a walk around my neighborhood. It takes about 30 minutes or so, depending on the route I take. I feel great after. But, Friday and Saturday had weather that was looking unpredictable, so I went to my apartment complex's gym instead. I did some walking on the treadmill (which in many ways I felt was better than my outdoor walks) and then a few reps on some of the weight machines in there. So, 5 days of exercise. It felt great! I hope to keep up the momentum into next week. I set a goal for myself, that I'm tracking with Spark Streaks, to go for a 30 minute walk at least 3 times out of the week. That's my minimum. I'd like to do more than that each week.
I also had a job interview on Tuesday afternoon in downtown La Jolla. It went very well, but I've got a lot of competition, so we'll have to see. Apparently they received some 200 responses to their ad on Craigslist! I sure hope they aren't planning on interviewing ALL of them. I also hope that I beat out a lot of those 200. I sure need another job. I want to keep the one I have- I'm in too deep! They're paying for me to go to a notary public seminar to get my license this coming Saturday. I can't leave them after that. The job I interviewed for would let me stay there. I sure hope I get it. Keep fingers crossed and prayers going, please! In the meantime, I'm still applying for jobs. I have a lot of office experience and some food experience. I just want to be working. Please!
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