Sunday, November 10, 2013
Today I am thankful for enchiladas verdes. Some of ya'll may not know this (but, many of you will recall) that I have a weakness for cheese enchiladas. And normally I stick to the traditional: cheese, corn tortillas, and red sauce. And then more cheese sprinkled on top. I used to eat such a concoction weekly, but since moving back home (almost coming up on a year now) I have ceased to eat any enchilada with such frequency. I'm sure my arteries are thankful for that.
One day, on a strange whim, I decided to get a green enchilada sauce in lieu of my usual red. And I never looked back. My only regret is not discovering the amazingness that is the green enchilada sooner! I'm not sure it'll please my arteries, but it sure pleases my tastebuds.
Yesterday my mom put a pork roast of some butt/shoulder sort in the crockpot. Today I used some of it to make cheese and pork enchiladas verdes. I am astonished that despite my depression, I have retained some sense of self-control with eating (not always, mind you, but today was a definite victory) and limited myself to just TWO enchiladas. I did, however, make two full casserole dishes of enchiladas so that I could feast on the leftovers.
Thank you, green enchiladas, for being a thing.
I may or may not have licked my plate.
Friday, November 08, 2013
I'm reluctantly thankful for Starbuck's Salted Caramel Mochas. They're so damn good and so damn terrible for you. I never remember to get it with nonfat milk. I like whip, too, so I'm going to have some whip with that! The only thing semi-healthy I do when getting one of these bad boys is to order it with light salt ('cuz ain't nobody needing more sodium in their diet!) Oh, and I get a tall instead of, ya know, like a trenta. Not that I could down that much coffee if I tried. At least these aren't a daily thing for me... more like a once or twice a week treat. So, thank you Starbucks for making these delicious beverages and allowing me to start my day off with something that at least tastes fabulous and doesn't toy with my emotions like certain heartless, soulless guys I know.
Today I'm legit thankful for good shoes. I mean, if I had to try to train for a 5k in flip-flops, life would literally be a constant suckfest of foot and ankle issues, amirite? I got me these awesome grey and blue beasts to support my pain-in-the-ass high arches and my pansy weak ankles. I'm super jelly of the people that have those mega-bright fluorescent or 1980's neon colors athletic shoes. I'd rock me some bright, see-me-with-the-Hubble-Telescope green trainers if I could! A girl can dream... in the meantime, these babies do the job. Thanks, New Balance, for being off the f***in' chain!
As you can probably notice, I have somewhat lost my mind today. I got up to get ready for my counseling session and my psychologist had an emergency come up and had to cancel on me last minute. :-( Of all weeks, too, huh? So, she's going to check her appointment schedule to see if she can fit me in early in the week instead of waiting until next Friday at our regularly schedule meeting. Instead, my bro's gf and I went to Starbucks for a coffee and pastry. I had a mini-session with her and cried in public. During the morning rush. Again. I guess I'd be embarrassed under normal circumstances, but depression and lost emotions aren't normal. No only do I feel played, but I'm so sad at how easy it was for him to treat me like a piece of nothing and then walk away from a 6 or 7 year friendship. I hope it was worth it to him, 'cuz it sure wouldn't have been to me. Then again, I'm equipped with a heart and soul.
So, I also forced my self to train again. Hoping for another boost of anti-depressant interval run-induced endorphins. Maybe that's where all the sarcasm is coming from. My mom came along with me and rode her adult trike. It was nice having her join. She's gained a lot of weight and needs to get out and move, so it was good for her to go. Maybe she'll do it more. I dunno what the deal is with the phone service in my area (oh yeah, it SUCKS) so my phone's GPS couldn't get a lock on me and my numbers for this got a bit screwed up, so I had to come home and do some math. And I hate math. Anyway, according to my calculations, I did slightly better this time around than on Tuesday's training. Went from just over a 16 minute mile to somewhere around a 15 mile. I did discover that I think I've been training slightly wrong, so I'll be adjusting for my next training day (tomorrow, I guess). The wording for the training here on Spark is a little ambiguous, so I misunderstood my instructions... Now I've got some clarity and understanding. Will be adjusting accordingly.
This weekend the goal is to make a space in the living room to get the treadmill in. Then I won't have to breathe in the dust and dirt and pollen and factory air and crop dusting pesticides and whatever else is in the air in this "wonderful" place. Meh, who am I kidding? That crap is in the house, too. But, at least I can do my training in a more controlled way in a more controlled environment. With less risk of shin splints.
Thursday, November 07, 2013
I'm still struggling with everything that's happened in the last few days.
Anyway, today I'm thankful for Netflix. I don't have cable. I don't even have a t.v. I haven't had cable service for about 4 years. So, most of my entertainment comes from Netflix. In a way I'm glad. Television can suck up sooooo much time if you let it. People think it's weird when they find out I don't do television, but I honestly love it. Yes, there are a few shows that I wish I could watch (The Walking Dead, Once Upon a Time, also the Wonderland version, Downton Abbey, Ghost Adventures...) but, really, there aren't enough shows that I regularly [would] watch to justify the cost of having cable.
So, Netflix instant streaming works great for me. I watch the same stuff over and over anyway (Futurama!!!! YOW!!!) and really I only need a movie on for the background noise about 95% of the time. The $8 a month for Netflix is just right for my needs. (It is remarkable that Netflix plays on my dinosaur laptop, too.) Thanks Netflix!
Spark resizes things ridiculously small. This one was my April Fool's category: Movies That are in English But Still Require Subtitles.
This one was an odd recommendation: because I watched Family Guy it recommended I watch The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. What?!?!
Wednesday, November 06, 2013
This is a tough one because the last thing in the world I'm feeling right now is thankful for anything.
Discovering (through FACEBOOK no less!) the guy you've been dating is in a relationship with another woman is a tough pill to swallow. I did write him a note on FB telling him that I was very hurt by this turn of events. I even took the high road: I didn't use any foul language. I didn't tell him what a big, fat effin' jerk he was. I didn't even try to guilt trip him by telling him how much I've agonized over the last several weeks wondering what I had done wrong to make him back off so suddenly, taking on the blame and guilt myself and ultimately having to seek out counseling from a psychologist because I've lost control of my life and my emotions... Nope. I kept it short and sweet. "You cut me off because you didn't want to see me and decided not to tell me. It hurt." That's pretty much it.
He wrote me back an explanation and apology. I didn't even want to read it, but my OCD kicks into gear big time on FB and having that little number notification on the side drives me nuts! So, I waited until WAY after to read it. Turns out he met this gal back in July (and started dating me literally within weeks after that) and that he's basically been stringing me along this whole time. He never wanted to be with me. He wanted to be with her. I got used. And it doesn't feel good. At all.
I did make myself go on a walk/jog today to start training for Iron Girl in December. I also thought it would help be a de-stress, antidepressant... not so much today. I discovered it is very difficult to sob uncontrollably while still trying to jog/walk briskly. Also, I didn't have any kleenex with me. And most of my route was going into the wind. Which made breathing difficult. I still somehow managed to pull off about a 16 minute mile and I did 2.32 miles. Not bad considering I haven't done much since my ankle went bunk at the beginning of October.
Anyway, on to the "thankfulness" bullsh*t part of this post... Leah is always telling me that sometimes our emotions follow our actions. In other words, fake it 'til you make it! So, I'm going to FAKE being thankful for this, and hope that eventually I really will be thankful...
I'm thankful for not only myself, but for anyone else who has ever "dodged a bullet" so to speak by having someone reveal their true colors before you got in too deep. He has always been a nice guy and that is what he projects himself to be. I think he does so because he sincerely WANTS to be a nice guy, but his true self is a thoughtless, soulless, stereotypical man-jerk. He said I was nothing but a good friend to him, through all the crap he's been going through lately and that's he's sorry. Cold comfort and hard to believe from someone I can no longer trust. I guess I'm glad I found out now that I can't trust him instead of sometime down the line.
I don't have a photo today. Sorry.
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