JILLYBEAN25   24,065
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A New Year & So Many Changes

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Well, it's January 1st. I came under my goal for fitness minutes, although the reality is I probably met them with my move. It was only about 300-some-odd that I was under, which would have easily been covered in the whole day of moving. That's like, what... 5-6 hours? Yeah, I started at 7am and didn't sit down until the drive home at 8pm, then unloaded the entire 14' UHaul when we got home at about 11pm. More than enough. I just don't care to track it.

I have yet to fully settle and unpack. I've either lacked motivation, muscle, or have slipped into a depression of sorts. I'm thinking it may be a combo of them. I did have a day where I didn't get out of bed all day- no shower, no brushing teeth, no nothing- just a few bathroom trips and a kitchen trip or two. I'm just already unhappy here. I'm glad I'm with my family and I care deeply about them and I know they need me here, but I'm sad that I'm not in San Diego, living the life I want to live. Doing the things I want to do. Having access to all sorts of products, businesses, activity, etc. I feel suffocated and confined here. And I have to just deal with it for the next few years.

That's not to say I want to let myself wallow in this muck and icky feelings while I'm here. I'm trying to put together a plan, however tentative, short-sighted, basic, vague, whatever it is. I'm waitlisted, still, for that stats class. I really hope I get it. I'm considering taking a Photoshop class because this computer will not support my previous photo editing program. That will definitely make it hard to continue with my food blog. Which I want to continue doing. Which will also mean doing a major kitchen overhaul in this house. I want to get a job. Somewhere. Anywhere. I want to get a car. I want to either join a gym, take a fitness class somewhere, or something! I haven't heard of anyone doing any boxing training in this tiny part of the world, which is something I've always wanted to do (just the training, not the sparring). It's too late now, but in summer I want to re-enroll in ballet and/or tap dance. And I want to go back to my old community choir. So, I've got things in mind to keep me busy and from completely falling off my rocker. Just need to implement these things.

There are several things that need to be done around this house, too. Everyone needs to get used to having more personal responsibility with the things that happen here. I know it needs to be done and will take some time to do. Just need to do it. Maybe formulate a plan for that, too.

I'm turning 30 on January 6th. Ordinarily birthdays don't bother me. I don't talk about them much. I don't care if my birthday gets celebrated or not. I don't care if I get presents for my birthday or not (usually I prefer NOT to get things!) This time, though... I just feel awful. Not that I'm turning 30. It's that I've lived 3 decades and I thought I'd be further along in my life than I am. I mean, I gotta say... it feels really terrible to be turning 30 and to have moved back in with my parents. To still be in school. To be single. To not have a job or a car. To not be independent. At 30!!! I expect those things in my 20's, but I definitely did not expect them in my 30's. I feel like a failure or a loser or somehow defective. I see people I went to school with who are exactly where I thought I'd be (maybe not the same job, but the same station or level or whatever). Living their lives, working at good jobs, and doing all the things I want to do, like travel because their job allows them to afford it. And to not live with their parents. I just don't feel like I've accomplished much, hardly anything I wanted to, before I turned 30. It feels low.

So. Here I am. Hoping to just make the most of things for the next chunk of life. We'll see.

As I previously stated, I can't do any photo editing, so this was all done on my phone, which is why it appears a bit pixelated. But, maybe you can see a difference in me? It definitely wouldn't have happened without Spark.

We always have family portraits taken at Christmas. I hope Christmas 2013 sees even more of a difference!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARUNNINGKAT 1/3/2013 12:08PM

    Jill, you are looking amazing! I see a huge difference! I am so sorry you are feeling down. Sometimes life doesn't take the path you imagine, but in the end it all works out. It sounds like you have some great plans to put into motion. From my own experience getting a job will really help. It helps to get out and interact with people and have a schedule. I really struggled for awhile with depression and loneliness when I first moved to our very small town. I can't tell you what a difference it made for me to get a job at a local coffee shop. Good luck, girl! We are here for you! emoticon

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 1/3/2013 10:59AM

    I am sorry you are feeling down, Jill, but it's awesome that you are aware of what's going on and are not going to let yourself wallow! All of your plans sound fantastic. It's a different life than you were expecting to be living, but it's your life and you just have to make it the best life possible! I am also having a hard time with comparing my life to others and I know I need to knock it off! :)

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ERINBELLOWS1978 1/3/2013 1:17AM

    Oh Jill honnie you will find your groove! I remeber when you were inbetween places, going to school and working...you were a hot mess remember?? LOL It only took you a little while to find your groove and then your life became magical to me! I was so jealous of your life - Living so close to the beach, your garden, friends a plenty...honnie it will get easier I promise. And EVERYTHING happens for a reason. You will find it there. You are a smart, talented, beautiful woman who can DO anything! Wallow another day or two about turning 30, I did, and then you put on a cute outfit, do your hair and face and go tackle your town girl! YOu got this! I'm here for you my dear...here and FB! MUAH! Hugs from SD!

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JSALERNO 1/2/2013 6:01AM

    emoticon

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ABB698 1/2/2013 1:53AM

    Sorry to hear you're going through so much emotional turmoil at the moment, but like Malia said, you are where you need to be right now and it sounds like you are taking steps to make things the way they'd benefit everyone, including you. Give it some time, I'm sure you will find your niche and hopefully even a fitness buddy to keep you motivated. Hang in there, 30 is what you make it, so go get em girlie!! ;)

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SLIMMERJESSE 1/2/2013 12:18AM

    If I can lend a shoulder in tough times, please let me know. So many people share similar feelings these days for many reasons. You
are not alone. I totally understand where
you're coming from. Better days are ahead.
BTW, you're making terrific progress, judging
from your photos.

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HAWAIIANMAMMA 1/1/2013 9:26PM

    Oh, Jill, I'm sorry you feel so down. Try to remember that everyone's path is different. You can't compare your journey to anyone else's. The important thing is that you are where you need to be at this point in your journey. Maybe not where you want to be, butyou'll get there when the timing is right. In the meantime, you've got a spark buddy in east county who would love to meet you in Julian anytime for some wandering, hiking, pie eating, or apple picking. Just ask. emoticon

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MA_KING69 1/1/2013 9:18PM

    Great blog

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Quick Moving Update

Sunday, December 23, 2012

So, I'm in El Centro now. 90% of my possessions are in the garage (unfortunately that includes my clothes!) and a few things are scattered between my room and the living room. It was a hectic move and a very, VERY long day. It ended with many, many tears shed saying good-bye to my BFF for the last 5 years.

Now, MeowMeow and I are working on settling in to our new/old home. She's doing okay. I haven't introduced her to the other pets in the house, although she knows they're out there. She's only been in my room so far, so she hasn't explored the rest of the house, which is in shambles at the moment anyway. I don't believe this will be an easy transition for her. She's never had other pets around and was pretty territorial at the SD house. She's been able to go inside and outside, but here she'll be strictly indoors. We'll see how this goes. I think I'm in for a loooooong adjustment.

As for me, I'm already registered and waitlisted for one class (stats, yikes!) at the community college down here. That starts in mid-January. I haven't heard from the job I applied to, but it's also not as though I've had the time to follow up. I've just now gotten a computer that works. My old laptop that was a lemon from the moment I took it out of the box 5 years ago has been given a bit of a makeover. My brother wiped it clean and installed a new operating system- Ubuntu. Thank goodness it's user friendly 'cuz it's not like Windows at all, which is all I've ever used (I'm not a Mac person at all). Now I can continue on my job search.

For the rest of the day I want to move some furniture into my room, as all that's in here is my bed and nightstand. And find my clothes for goodness sake! Also the Christmas present I bought for my brother (I'm his secret Santa this year... again...) as it needs to be wrapped and, ya know, given to him on Christmas!

That's it for me in a nutshell. Lots left to do.

This is baby on our first night at "home".

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINYFRIDAY 1/1/2013 10:47AM

    Gah! I was so involved in our move that I totally missed yours. :\ I'm glad you're there all safe and sound. Hopefully since this post you've gotten yourself all situated. I'll miss you here at the Spark rallies! Happy New year :)

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SMILINGTREE 12/26/2012 3:24PM

    Hope you are settled in and feeling good about things (and Meowmeow, too!).

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 12/23/2012 7:43PM

    My dear Friend! You are in my thoughts and prayers! Yes, this is all a big adjustment and it takes time...I hate waiting of any kind and waiting to feel better sucks!
I am in your corner...
Hugs & Hot Chocolate (with marshmallows, if desired)!!!
Love,
Mary

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 12/23/2012 6:29PM

    Moving is never fun! I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your family! Good luck to Meow Meow! :)

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OLIVIANIGHT 12/23/2012 4:10PM

    Well I'm glad you got there safely, even if it was a hard move. Hope you settle in soon : )

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SLIMMERJESSE 12/23/2012 4:09PM

    I didn't realize you'd moved already. Will be interested to hear about new adventures. Merry Christmas.

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LJOYCE55 12/23/2012 2:39PM

  Wow, moving at Xmas must be the most stressful time of all. I like that you are still up for unpacking and celebrating the holidays. Maybe the fact that you have holiday deadlines is what is urging you onward. Good luck and I hope you get to take a deep breath at least one day this week.

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ARCHIMEDESII 12/23/2012 2:37PM

    I would love to chuck Windows in favor of Linux !! Linux is much more stable. Even Mr Meowmeow could use it. That's how user friendly it is. LOL !!

Moving is never an easy thing. The stress would explain the mild headache. Some herbal tea will help. So, will a decent night's sleep. Don't worry, things will settle down before you know it.

Oh and if you're looking for a great little stats book, go to the library and find "Lying with Statistics". Great book.

Happy Holidays !

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Mental Adjusting Needed

Friday, December 07, 2012

Well, today marks my being 99% done with this semester. A few things still have to happen in order call this one complete, but I'm basically in waiting mode for that. I have a 1-on-1 phone interview with my program coordinator to wrap up the practicum portion. Then, I have to wait until Monday to be assigned to a "group" for my online class, where I will review/critique 4 of my fellow student's final projects. And they'll do the same to mine. If you'd like to, and I'd highly recommend it!!!! emoticon You can see my final project on my food blog (yes, we had the option of doing a blog post!) here:

potatoestopeaches.com/2012/12/05/shr
imp-vegetable-tempura/


You can comment as a guest without having to create an account or sign up or anything. Hint, hint, nudge, nudge! Really, though, I've "turned it in", but I have until Sunday night to "fix" anything that may need to be worked on, so if ya'll could give it a read and let me know if anything seems vague, unclear, irrelevant, or if you just find it awesome and delectable, let me know that, too. Since my teacher is going to see it, can ya let the critiques/criticisms/corrections be commented here instead of on that blog? Thanks!

I announced about a week ago that I was going to be moving back to El Centro. Announced it here:

www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5151215


That hasn't changed. I'm still moving. And still dealing with all the things that go with it. Realizing so many things about my life that's going to change... or change back. I have access to many wonderful services, opportunities, recreational facilities, products, etc. that I am accustomed to utilizing, that I will no longer have access to. It's scary and sad think that. I'm going to have to adjust to having nothing essentially. The simplest, most basic things... which the things I use now I consider basic. It's going to be rough. No doubt about it. Not just for me, but kitty. And to some degree, my family. But, they're excited to have me back. I guess someone has to be stoked. I'm sure maybe I'll feel better about it later, but right now it feels like I'm going back in time. It's upsetting.

As such, my fitness activity level and diet have stalled. Not that I was exercising much before, because I totally wasn't, but my activity level was pretty high. Thanks, in part, to my practicum which is OVER NOW! WOO! Luckily, the next weeks will be jam packed with a bunch of physical "fun". Cleaning out my old El Centro room to make room for me. Then, coming back to San Diego to pack and move. I'll be beat. I'll be lucky if I'm still alive come Christmas! Diet, on the other hand, always tends to go by the wayside during times of moving. It's easier to eat fast food and processed/prepared junk than it is to cook. But, we do have a lot of things in the freezer that need to be consumed, so it's my goal to work on that for now.

That's keeping most of my focus for the time being, besides just the general stress of moving. Tomorrow I get to attend one of my last Spark Rallies (at least for a while, it's not going to be my last! I hate my hometown, so I'll be looking for excuses to leave!) and we're going to a gym that's pretty much entirely trampolines. Too fun! We'll see how it goes.

Until next time, folks.

Here's another collage of my shiny beast.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMILINGTREE 12/10/2012 3:25PM

    As always, I'm joining this conversation late, so I'm not going to comment on the presentation. However, I did go back and read your big announcement post, and I really hope that you can find some good in moving.

I am from a really, really small town (seriously, there were THIRTY PEOPLE in my graduating class!). It is about 2 hours from Atlanta and about an hour from Chattanooga, which is a mid-sized city and where I live now. So, I totally understand the frustrations and worries about living in a tiny town.

Hopefully, there will be some upsides to it. I know where I'm from there are tons of walking/hiking trails that I miss. There are also lots of people I'd want to avoid if I lived there so I would probably spend more time at home, cooking and doing crafts...and maybe gardening? Will you have time/space to garden there?

One other thing that I thought about reading your post was that the time I got to spend with my grandparents while they were ill is time I will forever treasure. It was stressful and difficult but so very rewarding. I hope that being near your family will eventually bring you peace and a sense of joy - even if you find those feelings in retrospect.

Don't beat yourself up if the nutrition and exercise take a backseat while you get the move sorted out. That's normal. And you have enough knowledge and dedication to get right back to it when you are ready.

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MOWINELADY 12/7/2012 5:37PM

    I am super cereal here -- shouldn't this be serious or are you going for a pun

mud bugs usually refers to crawfish not shrimp not sure how particular your prof is

Overall I enjoyed your food post. It was informative and funny. I have never done tempura before but you have made it look so easy that I will have to try it. I will have to find some rice flour first.

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 12/7/2012 5:01PM

    Hey, read ARCHIMEDESII and her suggestion was excellent regarding the Asian presentation! Go for it! Also...try adding a fan or umbrella in a drink!
emoticon emoticon

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 12/7/2012 4:58PM

    I loved your cooking lesson...I commented as I registered last time! Thought it was smart to put yourself in the pictures!
Oh, I am so sorry you must move, I so understand how hard it is but why you must do it! I am here if you need to reach out! This will all work out...I know it seems doom and gloom but just one day at a time! trust me, I am doing it, too!
Hugs and love to you and Kitty with the big paws!!!
Mary

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ARCHIMEDESII 12/7/2012 3:35PM

    Now, that was a fantastic presentation !!! I wouldn't change the food, BUT... I would have you consider a more Asian influenced presentation. The tray is too grammar school lunch room. See if you can find a BENTO box instead. That will better show off your Asian influence creation. I was thinking something like these.

http://www.happymall.
com/japan/lacquer_lunch_box.htm


This is just page one. they have several pages of wonderful Japanese "lunch" boxes you can see for examples. There have to be good Japanese stores in San Diego where you can find cheaper options locally.

It just strikes me that if you're going to create an Asian influence meal, it should be showcased in an Asian style. You're going to get an A+ !!

Love your cat too !



Comment edited on: 12/7/2012 3:37:31 PM

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 12/7/2012 2:58PM

    You did an amazing job on your final project! Just commented!

I am sorry you are feeling down about your move. :( I hope that you are able to find some happiness while you're there!

See you tomorrow morning!

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SLIMMERJESSE 12/7/2012 2:58PM

    Congrats on completion. And, your beast is a cutie. (smiling)

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SUSANBEAMON 12/7/2012 2:48PM

  love your cat. he'll be fine with the move, although he will tell you there's no real reason for it.

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30 Days of Thankful- Day 30

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Day 30, Nov. 30th
Today I am thankful for SparkPeople

Shoulda been obvious, right? Without this site, I wouldn't have safely and healthfully lost 44 pounds. I wouldn't have officially decided to study nutrition. I wouldn't have met the wonderful friends and acquaintances through San Diego Spark Team. I never would have hiked Torrey Pines, gone paddleboarding, walked through Mission Trails, participated in my first 5k, and enjoyed a healthy potluck with great company at Mission Bay. I wouldn't have all these things and more without this site. It's truly amazing and I am very grateful!


Even wore my shirt to the 5k!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMMERJESSE 12/5/2012 9:33AM

    Wonderful! Mega-congrats!

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SMILINGTREE 12/3/2012 11:45AM

    Those are cool sunglasses!

This is an amazing community. It's so nice to have a place that feels safe to talk about health, nutrition, fitness, and so on without worrying about being judged or lectured to or anything else.

Thanks for sharing your 30 days of thankfulness with us. I love reading these kinds of posts. They warm my heart!

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DIANER2014 12/1/2012 11:05PM

    You are a wonderful friend too! Love your smile! Congratulations on all of your success! You've done an awesome job! Much love! emoticon

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JACKIE542 12/1/2012 9:35AM

    emoticon

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ARCHIMEDESII 12/1/2012 6:44AM

    emoticon too !

That's a fantastic photo. Way to "strike a pose".

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 12/1/2012 5:58AM

    And we would not be friends...which I am truly grateful for!!!
Love & Hugs,
Mary

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JSALERNO 12/1/2012 5:04AM

    emoticon

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THE_SHAKESHAFT 12/1/2012 4:47AM

    Awesome job! :D

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30 Days of Thankful- Day 29 MUST READ (ESP. SD SPARKS)

Friday, November 30, 2012

Day 29, Nov. 29
Today I am thankful for San Diego

And for the more than 5 years I got to live here. It is with an extremely heavy heart and tears streaming from my eyes that I have to announce my big news (remember earlier this month when I said I had some? This blog should jog your memory: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5132874
Here it is...) I will be moving back to my hometown by the end of December. I couldn't announce it earlier than today because I wasn't 100% sure yet. That job opportunity that I may/may not have? That's also in my hometown. I'm from El Centro, a podunk awful place about 2 hours east of San Diego. As saddened as I am that this has to be the sequence of events for my life, I know it is the right thing for me to do. I'm so tired of struggling with money and everything else that I have to deal with (transportation issues, stuff like the crap found in this blog: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5141585
etc) that I know I need to go home, recharge, regroup, and save some money up. My family needs me there... my poor dad being the full-time sole caretaker for my grandmother, my mom at the early stages of her recovery, and my brothers that are sort of just floating in the middle and unsure of themselves. I'm not saying I am going to be the fixer of all the things, but just being there would be a great comfort to them. Plus, I can still go to school there and I can apply to a Master's Program when I get all that pesky chem, bio, anatomy and whatever else out of the way. My plan is to only be back there for 2-3 years, then begin the Master's program at SDSU.

So, for the place I've truly considered my "real" home for the last several years, I'm grateful that I got to be here. Unbeatable weather, beaches, places to hike, restaurants of all cuisines galore, so many things to do, actual farmer's markets, terrible sports teams that I still enjoy watching, and everything else that my hometown doesn't have (and probably never will). I have amazing friends that are still going to be here when I'm gone. San Diego has the best Spark Team EVER! Seriously! One of my best friends I met while attending school here and we've been practically inseparable since. This place has been wonderful and I never thought I'd have to leave it. This is where I figured I'd stay. I love San Diego and all that's in it.

Mission Trails

Paddleboarding in Mission Bay

Downtown for ComiCon

Strawberry picking

Hanging out in a cemetary in Old Town

Padres game

This blog could go on and on with the San Diego pics. But, I'll stop it here for now. Nostalgia is already making me sad and I haven't even left yet. I'm going to miss this place while I'm away.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PROVERBS31JULIA 3/12/2013 10:21AM

    Awwww so sorry I didn't read this when it happened ... San Diego has always been one of my favorite cities to visit!! At least you see blessed to have a hometown where family lives. My families have always been scattered all over the country, and we moved so much. But for awhile, at least, Wichita has been "home" for various family.

I'm off to get caught up on the rest of your blogs!!
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ABB698 12/10/2012 12:18PM

    Wow, HUGE news Jilly! I'm sad that you're leaving SD, but you really won't be too far away and will be back, so we'll just wait for that day! Good luck in all your new endeavors! I'll wave to ya next time we head out to Glamis :) Keep in touch! emoticon

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NYMERIAV 11/30/2012 7:15PM

    I'm absolutely KICKING myself that we live in the same city, and have never met! I'm sorry that you're so sad, but you never know how life will turn out- maybe home is your place right now. So often, the best things come unexpectedly!

San Diego will be here, waiting for Miss Jilly's triumphant return!


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ARCHIMEDESII 11/30/2012 4:38PM

    “Where we love is home,
Home that the feet may leave,
but not our hearts.”
― Oliver Wendell Holmes

Think of your time in El Centro as a stepping stone to a better future. It may not be much right now, but things can change fast. Take the 2-3 years you need to finish your education and care of your family. Family matters. You have a lot of options, keep them all open because you never know where the next opportunity will come from. You can return to San Diego any time you'd like or you may decide to move some place else. Who knows ? That's why it's important to keep those options open.

If you'd like to cheer on championship sports teams, you're always welcome in Boston ! Great universities here too !

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Comment edited on: 11/30/2012 4:39:47 PM

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 11/30/2012 11:01AM

    Wow, that IS big news!! I'm sad that you'll be leaving San Diego and we won't be seeing you at any Spark Rallys but it sounds like this is the best move for you right now. Being there for your family will be a major help and you don't have to put your life on hold to do it, which is great. I'm glad I'll still be able to read what you're up to on here! Good luck with everything!!

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 11/30/2012 10:14AM

    I am sorry you have to go...for now...but you have a mission and good practical reasons...but you will be back and ready for your next mission! And your friends will be there when you do! And ATLEAST in this day and age keeping in contact is easy! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a good move and good experience! Time flys...and it might only be two years, not three! Take Meow Meow and go in good spirits...it will work out!
Love and Hugs,
Mary

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RSTM99 11/30/2012 10:00AM

    It's sad to leave a place you love - I had to do that early on but kept my on the prize of moving back to where we are now and love it even more! Think of it as a new adventure, a new chapter and then more to come!

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JSALERNO 11/30/2012 6:09AM

    I WISH YOU THE BEST AND EXPECT UPDATES ALONG THE WAY.

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OLIVIANIGHT 11/30/2012 2:48AM

    Aw I'm sorry. emoticon I know how you feel, there have been a few times when it looked like I would have to move home again and I did NOT want to leave my new home at all.
At least you'll get to spend some time with your family. That's the one thing I miss about my home town.

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MR.NET1 11/30/2012 1:32AM

    emoticon

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