Tuesday, January 01, 2013
Well, it's January 1st. I came under my goal for fitness minutes, although the reality is I probably met them with my move. It was only about 300-some-odd that I was under, which would have easily been covered in the whole day of moving. That's like, what... 5-6 hours? Yeah, I started at 7am and didn't sit down until the drive home at 8pm, then unloaded the entire 14' UHaul when we got home at about 11pm. More than enough. I just don't care to track it.
I have yet to fully settle and unpack. I've either lacked motivation, muscle, or have slipped into a depression of sorts. I'm thinking it may be a combo of them. I did have a day where I didn't get out of bed all day- no shower, no brushing teeth, no nothing- just a few bathroom trips and a kitchen trip or two. I'm just already unhappy here. I'm glad I'm with my family and I care deeply about them and I know they need me here, but I'm sad that I'm not in San Diego, living the life I want to live. Doing the things I want to do. Having access to all sorts of products, businesses, activity, etc. I feel suffocated and confined here. And I have to just deal with it for the next few years.
That's not to say I want to let myself wallow in this muck and icky feelings while I'm here. I'm trying to put together a plan, however tentative, short-sighted, basic, vague, whatever it is. I'm waitlisted, still, for that stats class. I really hope I get it. I'm considering taking a Photoshop class because this computer will not support my previous photo editing program. That will definitely make it hard to continue with my food blog. Which I want to continue doing. Which will also mean doing a major kitchen overhaul in this house. I want to get a job. Somewhere. Anywhere. I want to get a car. I want to either join a gym, take a fitness class somewhere, or something! I haven't heard of anyone doing any boxing training in this tiny part of the world, which is something I've always wanted to do (just the training, not the sparring). It's too late now, but in summer I want to re-enroll in ballet and/or tap dance. And I want to go back to my old community choir. So, I've got things in mind to keep me busy and from completely falling off my rocker. Just need to implement these things.
There are several things that need to be done around this house, too. Everyone needs to get used to having more personal responsibility with the things that happen here. I know it needs to be done and will take some time to do. Just need to do it. Maybe formulate a plan for that, too.
I'm turning 30 on January 6th. Ordinarily birthdays don't bother me. I don't talk about them much. I don't care if my birthday gets celebrated or not. I don't care if I get presents for my birthday or not (usually I prefer NOT to get things!) This time, though... I just feel awful. Not that I'm turning 30. It's that I've lived 3 decades and I thought I'd be further along in my life than I am. I mean, I gotta say... it feels really terrible to be turning 30 and to have moved back in with my parents. To still be in school. To be single. To not have a job or a car. To not be independent. At 30!!! I expect those things in my 20's, but I definitely did not expect them in my 30's. I feel like a failure or a loser or somehow defective. I see people I went to school with who are exactly where I thought I'd be (maybe not the same job, but the same station or level or whatever). Living their lives, working at good jobs, and doing all the things I want to do, like travel because their job allows them to afford it. And to not live with their parents. I just don't feel like I've accomplished much, hardly anything I wanted to, before I turned 30. It feels low.
So. Here I am. Hoping to just make the most of things for the next chunk of life. We'll see.
As I previously stated, I can't do any photo editing, so this was all done on my phone, which is why it appears a bit pixelated. But, maybe you can see a difference in me? It definitely wouldn't have happened without Spark.
We always have family portraits taken at Christmas. I hope Christmas 2013 sees even more of a difference!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
So, I'm in El Centro now. 90% of my possessions are in the garage (unfortunately that includes my clothes!) and a few things are scattered between my room and the living room. It was a hectic move and a very, VERY long day. It ended with many, many tears shed saying good-bye to my BFF for the last 5 years.
Now, MeowMeow and I are working on settling in to our new/old home. She's doing okay. I haven't introduced her to the other pets in the house, although she knows they're out there. She's only been in my room so far, so she hasn't explored the rest of the house, which is in shambles at the moment anyway. I don't believe this will be an easy transition for her. She's never had other pets around and was pretty territorial at the SD house. She's been able to go inside and outside, but here she'll be strictly indoors. We'll see how this goes. I think I'm in for a loooooong adjustment.
As for me, I'm already registered and waitlisted for one class (stats, yikes!) at the community college down here. That starts in mid-January. I haven't heard from the job I applied to, but it's also not as though I've had the time to follow up. I've just now gotten a computer that works. My old laptop that was a lemon from the moment I took it out of the box 5 years ago has been given a bit of a makeover. My brother wiped it clean and installed a new operating system- Ubuntu. Thank goodness it's user friendly 'cuz it's not like Windows at all, which is all I've ever used (I'm not a Mac person at all). Now I can continue on my job search.
For the rest of the day I want to move some furniture into my room, as all that's in here is my bed and nightstand. And find my clothes for goodness sake! Also the Christmas present I bought for my brother (I'm his secret Santa this year... again...) as it needs to be wrapped and, ya know, given to him on Christmas!
That's it for me in a nutshell. Lots left to do.
This is baby on our first night at "home".
Friday, December 07, 2012
Well, today marks my being 99% done with this semester. A few things still have to happen in order call this one complete, but I'm basically in waiting mode for that. I have a 1-on-1 phone interview with my program coordinator to wrap up the practicum portion. Then, I have to wait until Monday to be assigned to a "group" for my online class, where I will review/critique 4 of my fellow student's final projects. And they'll do the same to mine. If you'd like to, and I'd highly recommend it!!!! You can see my final project on my food blog (yes, we had the option of doing a blog post!) here:
You can comment as a guest without having to create an account or sign up or anything. Hint, hint, nudge, nudge! Really, though, I've "turned it in", but I have until Sunday night to "fix" anything that may need to be worked on, so if ya'll could give it a read and let me know if anything seems vague, unclear, irrelevant, or if you just find it awesome and delectable, let me know that, too. Since my teacher is going to see it, can ya let the critiques/criticisms/corrections be commented here instead of on that blog? Thanks!
I announced about a week ago that I was going to be moving back to El Centro. Announced it here:
That hasn't changed. I'm still moving. And still dealing with all the things that go with it. Realizing so many things about my life that's going to change... or change back. I have access to many wonderful services, opportunities, recreational facilities, products, etc. that I am accustomed to utilizing, that I will no longer have access to. It's scary and sad think that. I'm going to have to adjust to having nothing essentially. The simplest, most basic things... which the things I use now I consider basic. It's going to be rough. No doubt about it. Not just for me, but kitty. And to some degree, my family. But, they're excited to have me back. I guess someone has to be stoked. I'm sure maybe I'll feel better about it later, but right now it feels like I'm going back in time. It's upsetting.
As such, my fitness activity level and diet have stalled. Not that I was exercising much before, because I totally wasn't, but my activity level was pretty high. Thanks, in part, to my practicum which is OVER NOW! WOO! Luckily, the next weeks will be jam packed with a bunch of physical "fun". Cleaning out my old El Centro room to make room for me. Then, coming back to San Diego to pack and move. I'll be beat. I'll be lucky if I'm still alive come Christmas! Diet, on the other hand, always tends to go by the wayside during times of moving. It's easier to eat fast food and processed/prepared junk than it is to cook. But, we do have a lot of things in the freezer that need to be consumed, so it's my goal to work on that for now.
That's keeping most of my focus for the time being, besides just the general stress of moving. Tomorrow I get to attend one of my last Spark Rallies (at least for a while, it's not going to be my last! I hate my hometown, so I'll be looking for excuses to leave!) and we're going to a gym that's pretty much entirely trampolines. Too fun! We'll see how it goes.
Until next time, folks.
Here's another collage of my shiny beast.
Saturday, December 01, 2012
Day 30, Nov. 30th
Today I am thankful for SparkPeople
Shoulda been obvious, right? Without this site, I wouldn't have safely and healthfully lost 44 pounds. I wouldn't have officially decided to study nutrition. I wouldn't have met the wonderful friends and acquaintances through San Diego Spark Team. I never would have hiked Torrey Pines, gone paddleboarding, walked through Mission Trails, participated in my first 5k, and enjoyed a healthy potluck with great company at Mission Bay. I wouldn't have all these things and more without this site. It's truly amazing and I am very grateful!
Even wore my shirt to the 5k!
Friday, November 30, 2012
Day 29, Nov. 29
Today I am thankful for San Diego
And for the more than 5 years I got to live here. It is with an extremely heavy heart and tears streaming from my eyes that I have to announce my big news (remember earlier this month when I said I had some? This blog should jog your memory: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5132874 Here it is...) I will be moving back to my hometown by the end of December. I couldn't announce it earlier than today because I wasn't 100% sure yet. That job opportunity that I may/may not have? That's also in my hometown. I'm from El Centro, a podunk awful place about 2 hours east of San Diego. As saddened as I am that this has to be the sequence of events for my life, I know it is the right thing for me to do. I'm so tired of struggling with money and everything else that I have to deal with (transportation issues, stuff like the crap found in this blog: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5141585 etc) that I know I need to go home, recharge, regroup, and save some money up. My family needs me there... my poor dad being the full-time sole caretaker for my grandmother, my mom at the early stages of her recovery, and my brothers that are sort of just floating in the middle and unsure of themselves. I'm not saying I am going to be the fixer of all the things, but just being there would be a great comfort to them. Plus, I can still go to school there and I can apply to a Master's Program when I get all that pesky chem, bio, anatomy and whatever else out of the way. My plan is to only be back there for 2-3 years, then begin the Master's program at SDSU.
So, for the place I've truly considered my "real" home for the last several years, I'm grateful that I got to be here. Unbeatable weather, beaches, places to hike, restaurants of all cuisines galore, so many things to do, actual farmer's markets, terrible sports teams that I still enjoy watching, and everything else that my hometown doesn't have (and probably never will). I have amazing friends that are still going to be here when I'm gone. San Diego has the best Spark Team EVER! Seriously! One of my best friends I met while attending school here and we've been practically inseparable since. This place has been wonderful and I never thought I'd have to leave it. This is where I figured I'd stay. I love San Diego and all that's in it.
Paddleboarding in Mission Bay
Downtown for ComiCon
Hanging out in a cemetary in Old Town
This blog could go on and on with the San Diego pics. But, I'll stop it here for now. Nostalgia is already making me sad and I haven't even left yet. I'm going to miss this place while I'm away.
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