Wednesday, May 02, 2012
Well, its that time where I review last month (gulp!) and plan for this month. Let's just get this over with.
I'll start with what I did successfully. I made it passed 500 fitness minutes for the month, but just barely. At least I did it, but it was quite a struggle.
Okay, that about covers it. Out of 10 goals, I got one done. I didn't track food and water, I didn't stick to my unhealthy with healthy rule, I hardly ate homecooked meals, I almost never ate breakfast, and I still struggled to stay on top of my schooling. I didn't use each piece of fitness equipment I own, I didn't do different cardio, I didn't integrate more toning/ST, and I definitely didn't blog weekly on my other website.
What. Went. Wrong. Lots of things. My spring break began the first week of April, and though I was out of town, didn't do too bad. Didn't exercise as much as I wanted, but I ate fairly good. Then, my uncle passed away and all the confusing emotions that went along with that. And my aunt found out her cancer metastasized to her brain. Add some more scoops to the emotions. Sadness for the family I never met, the family I loved, and the rest of us who are left to feel the hurt. This month was full of craptastic emotions that I didn't know what to do with.
But, I guess grief does that. It also messes with your head quite a bit. When I blogged about my sadness and grief on April 12 (A Rocky Start) I only had 5 wonderful Spark friends say something to me. That's the least amount of comments I'd gotten on a blog since November. A blog about personal pain and grief and I have to say, I felt abandoned by the Spark community. I know death and grief and whatnot are extremely uncomfortable subjects to deal with and talk about. Doubly hard is when it's someone you don't really know all that well. But, people who are grieving need nothing more than to know someone is thinking about them and possibly praying for them. That's all I needed.
Just when I started to pull myself out my slump, sorta, my grandmother gets into a wicked bad car accident. Her car is totaled. The front end is mangled, like an accordion leading up to the firewall. She had an angel riding with her though because she ended up with a few pretty bad bruises (namely from the seatbelt) and a few cuts and scrapes. A woman well into her 70's all but walked away from the crash! Luckily for her, the other driver is at fault, so the insurances can fight out the deets and she can get a new car. Which will make finances tight for the both of us. As if they weren't tight enough already. Scoop back on those emotions.
In the month of April I should have heard from the flunkies at my surgeon's office. I don't know what this person does all day that prevents her from calling and scheduling surgeries and then letting patients know when their date is. Her title is "Scheduler". Somehow, this person isn't able to even do that. Here I am, 11 business days after my appointment and I still don't have a date set for The Big Chop-Chop. And yes, actually, I have called to find out what the deal is. Still haven't gotten a call back. *Fumes*
And today, though not actually April, but just a continuing theme of crappiness, I discover that my DSS practicum will probably be at a facility that isn't anywhere near me. SWELL. Should be really easy getting to and from there without a car. Good thing the bus system here sucks so it'll be really hard to deal!
I'm make no apologies for my mood. I still feel grief, stress, sadness, emptiness, loneliness and fat. I'm allowed to feel like that for now. I need to finish school cuz it's really burning me out. Then, I can deal with the rest of it.
So, for the month of May, I've decided to not have any goals. For all I know, I'll be having surgery by the end of it, so I'd only have a few weeks to accomplish goals anyway. Coupling that with finals... No. No, thank you. My broad "goal" for the month is to work on being as healthy as I can before going under the chopstick-like knife. Eating well and healthy, exercising when I can, listening to my body tell me when it's tired or in pain, and just getting myself mentally in a better place. That's it. I'll keep my April goals posted and see if I can get motivated enough to do any of them. But, no pressure if that doesn't happen.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
This month hasn't gone nearly as well as last. I'm not letting that deter me, but for the moment, I'm just going with the flow until things "level out", so to speak.
It didn't help that spring break began right at the beginning of April, but if it hadn't, I might have begun a good thing only to get derailed part-way through. And it wasn't like I had the most relaxing spring break, either. It was nice to see my family... at least, what I did see of them. Upon my arrival, my mom, baby brother, and sister-in-law were all sick. The only person that wasn't was my middle bro. While I don't want anyone being sick, it sort worked out for me because I got to spend way more time with my midbro. He's a computer gamer nerd, so usually when I visit, I hardly see him since he's glued to his screen. We hit his gym once during the week, ran a bunch of errands, sat at Starbucks and sipped coffee. It was nice.
Luckily, I also did the majority of the dinner cooking when I was there. Normally my baby bro and SIL do the cooking, with my mom jumping in occasionally, but I did it pretty much. Which meant I had control of what I made, what went in to the food, and whether or not it was healthy. BOOYAH! There's a tip for you right there, folks. If you're ever worried about nutrition when you visit someone, just take the reigns yourself!
Unfortunately, I was only able to hit a gym twice during the week. I would have gone for a walk outside, but if you think my allergies are bad here in San Diego! I'm so allergic to my hometown!!! And the wind was blowing, and its dusty (as deserts are), and it hasn't rained, and everything's in bloom... Also, my shin splints have been acting up, so a sidewalk would not have worked for me. And it was already in the upper 80's and 90+ degrees out on various days when I was there. I hate the heat. HATE IT. That desert gets to be 115-120 degrees in the summer. I like the milder, colder weather of San Diego much, much better, so when it hits anything above 78, I get cranky. Outdoor exercise was not an option. Indoors would have been more viable, but my baby bro has turned a good chunk of the living room into a music studio, so there's much less space then there used to be. Also, they have hardwood floors. I'm glad I was able to go at least twice to the gym... better than nothing, I suppose, but I would have liked to workout 5-6 days when I was there.
It was also a pretty rough week as far as everything else goes. My uncle passed away from lung cancer. He wasn't even a smoker, either. This one is a little tough for me, though. I never met my uncle. Never talked to him, nothing. So, I don't really feel all that sad. I feel sad that my dad's a little sad about losing his BIL. I feel sad that my aunt lost her husband and that my grandmother lost her SIL. I feel sad that someone in our family has died and that someone has died a pretty unpleasant death in general. I guess when someone dies, we feel like we should be in full-grief mode. I'm not. I don't know how I should be feeling, really. It was rather sudden, too, although not unexpected. He has been living at a facility so he could be receiving round-the-clock care and finally it got to the point where they couldn't do anything more. So, they sent him home. It wasn't long after that he passed.
While all this is going on, my aunt (his wife), whom I have met and enjoyed visiting with when she'd come see my grandmother and my father and my family, has discovered that HER cancer has spread to her brain. She was initially diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. She was doing okay after, but then it was discovered she had cancer in her lymph nodes. The last report I had heard was that she was also doing okay thereafter, but the latest news that it is now in her brain seems to say otherwise. Her prognosis is rather grim, I'm sad to say. Once again, my dad will most likely be losing another member of his family, we'll be losing another member, and my poor, frail, aging grandmother will be dealing with the grief of losing a child before she goes. For all of this, and more, I'm terrifically sad.
Since being back in San Diego, I've had to play some catch-up regarding school mostly. I got back a day later then I intended (spring break should never end with Easter) and had a big test in my leadership class on Wednesday, so I had a few assignments to turn in online prior to that. And, of course, I woke up on Wednesday, test day, with several things going on. The weather outside was nasty. It was crazy windy out and raining like mad! There was no way I was going to walk in that ugliness for 15 minutes to school unless I wanted to be soaked to the bone. Worse, though, was I had the most painful sinus pressure imaginable! It felt like my face was trying to blow my eyeballs out of their sockets. How's that for a visual? It hurt so, so bad! I even had a little bit of light sensitivity and nausea. So, odd, as I rarely get symptoms like that with headaches and migraines. Anyhow, I took a bunch of stuff and went back to bed. I got up, did some more studying, dragged my carcass to school (it was now dry and sunny out) and aced my test. I was the first one to turn it in, too. Crazy! I sat through the rest of class, but it was a struggle. The pain in my face was making it difficult to concentrate and to even see. I need glasses to begin with, but can't afford them right now, so I'm without. The notes my instructor was writing on the board were so blurry, I could hardly see what was written. Luckily she reads them out loud before she expands on them, so I was able to type it all up. Normally I don't have that much trouble seeing the board, so I'm guessing it was related to this face-ache. I also haven't been grocery shopping since being back here in San Deezy, so I have very little to eat and what I have isn't the most healthy, so I've been eating out. My body is feeling it, too. I am not feeling so hot. Maybe that's part of the pressure headache.
I've already mentioned that I have an appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday. We'll be discussing what's going to go down and when for this stupid gallbladder, so I'll keep you updated. In relation to this, but not really, I want to join this gym that's sort of near my house, but I'm kind of conflicted. They offer a student discount, so its really super cheap for me to join! My problem is I have to sign a year contract to get the discount and otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford it. But, with this surgery, I'll probably be unable to workout for at least a month, if not two (assuming they can do the laproscopy) and I don't want to pay for months I won't be using, ya know? Also, its only a 15 minute walk away, but the primary reason I want to go to this gym is to use the cardio equipment. But, I'll be getting 30 minutes of cardio just getting to and from the place, so is it even worth it? Shin splints worry me, too, with this as I want access to the treadmills and ellipticals so that I don't have to deal with them. But, 30 minutes on a sidewalk in gym transport means they'll probably rear their ugly heads, right? And I'm not much of a weight machines girl unless I have a trainer guiding me through them, so I don't know how much weight training I'd actually do at the gym. They also have classes that I'm interested in taking, that are free with the membership, so I'd probably take advantage of that a few times a week, too. I'm not sure what to do about this.
So, for now, I'm going to listen to my body, get some really good food in it, and start working on my goals for this month. I had 1,011 fitness minutes last month. I don't want to end this month with only the 142 I currently have. I can and will do better than that!
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
Since I'm spending the week at my parent's house, I decided to take it slow with the goals. Coming here presents its challenges, such as food to be eaten that isn't always within my control, space to exercise, etc. So, I'm going to allow myself to be lenient this first week of April, then as soon as I'm back home, get right to it.
The goals I'm going to continue working on from last month:
If I'm going to have something "unhealthy" to eat, I have to have something "healthy" with it. Even if I wasn't always successful with this, it made me more mindful of the choices I was making. I really liked that about this goal, so I'm going to keep it until the mindfulness starts to equal healthier choices every time!
Continue tracking food and water. 3 days a week, 1 weekend day. This time, though, I'm going to schedule the days I track. Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday are the days I've chosen to FOR SURE track. I can, and probably will, track the other days as well.
500 or more fitness minutes this month. I did 1,011 last month, so I know I'm capable, but I'm not ready to make that mental leap to 1000 minutes for this goal yet. I know I'll get there someday.
Eat healthy, home-cooked dinners 4 nights a week. Adding: Even if I'm not cooking for my roommates. I'm not their momma and their financial situations shouldn't be influencing MY diet in any way. I can at least afford to feed myself.
Eat breakfast. Bottom line, I just need to do it. Especially on days I have class.
Stay on top of homework, assignments, and attendance in class. We're more than halfway through the semester. I just need to push myself and fight the boredom.
Use each piece of fitness equipment I own at least once this month. I have three different weighted dumbbells, but I'll count that as one (I think the 10lb-er would kill my wrist), a stability ball, resistance bands, a yoga block, a yoga mat, a jump rope, and a weighted hula hoop. I might give myself a pass on the jump rope due to the fact that I don't like its design and I find it difficult to work with. If I find another jump rope I like, I'll add it back in.
Try a new cardio routine. I've been doing "Just Dance" on the Wii, each song in quick succession, and doing mostly the hardest songs, but I'd like to mix it up. I love step aerobics, so I'd like to find a routine to do involving that. I may or may not have a stepper awaiting me at my granny's!
Integrate more toning/strength training. Currently I only do about 10 minutes after my cardio, so its time to step it up. I'll try to double that to 20 minutes.
Blog a new page on my website weekly. I bought the domain rights to my website so now its potatoestopeaches.com! (Although if you are still using the address potatoestopeaches.wordpress.com, it'll just redirect you to the site no problem.)
Good luck to everyone else on your goals for April!
Sunday, April 01, 2012
Before I review the rest of my March goals, I first would like to review my 4th goal for the month of March. You'll recall:
Actually meet or exceed 500 fitness minutes this month. Write down a workout plan each week so I'm not making it up on the fly. Having a plan should help me just get it done.
Well, I'd like to proudly report: I made this goal my bitch. I slapped it around, I made it call me "Shorty", I made it polish the souls of my New Balance Cross-Trainers with it's tongue! Not only did I "meet or exceed" 500 minutes, I more than doubled that!!! I rang in March's fitness minutes with 1,011 minutes! If I had known, I would have done 4 more minutes. My failure to do the math meant I came in 4 minutes short of 9,000 total fitness minutes logged. Oh, well. ALSO! This is the very first time in my SparkPeople history that I have logged 1,000 fitness minutes in any given month! WOOHOO!!!!
As for the rest of my goals:
"If I'm going to have something "unhealthy" to eat, I have to have something "healthy" with it." This one is still a work in progress, although I will say it made me infinitely more conscious of the food choices I make. I ate at McDonald's a few times and got chicken nuggets with fries, but also a fruit and yogurt parfait. I tried to match a vegetable or piece of fruit with everything I ate, but wasn't always successful. Still needs work, but was a definite help!
"I bought the seeds, so plant them!" I did exactly that. I planted tomato, sugar snap peas, cucumber, and sweet pepper seeds. I bought seedlings of another tomato variety, strawberries, and eggplant, too, and got those sown. Hopefully I'll have little edibles sometime.
"Continue tracking food and water. 3 days a week, 1 weekend day." I think I met this goal most weeks, but I think tracking more consistently would be more helpful. Like, I should set aside certain days to track so I know if I'm "on track" and to see if my dietary habits change during certain times of the week.
"Eat healthy, home-cooked dinners 4 nights a week." Oh yeah. I made a menu and followed it for two weeks, cooked that much the week before that, and then made sure I was eating something homecooked the week after. I need to figure out how to do the menu with more budget consciousness for all my roommates in mind.
"Eat breakfast." Ooh, uh... I am going to call this one another that is in progress. I tried for breakfast some days, but really didn't put that much effort into it. I could definitely do better with this one. I just need to sit down and have a plan for it also.
"Stay on top of homework, assignments, and attendance in class." This one needs improvement as well. I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty bored in my classes right now. I'm not finding them very stimulating and I feel like I'm not learning too terribly much. Plus, a 16 week semester is too long! My attention span runs more around the 10 or 11 week zone. So, I need to push through the disinterest and make sure I'm staying on top of things a little better.
I'll be thinking of some April goals in the next day or so. I'm currently spending my much-needed spring break at my parent's house. I got to visit with my dad (who is still caring for my grandmother full-time) and I got to spend time with my middle brother, who I almost never see when I'm down here 'cuz I can't pull him from his computer long enough. I have a cuddly kitty snoozing on my bed. I have a tummy full of legit Mexican food. And now I'm going to call it a night.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
I've officially launched my food/nutrition blog! I'm so excited, which is probably why I'm still awake at 2am to get my first "real" post on there. Also, my gall stones are causing me some pain right now, so I wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyway. Rest assured, I'm calling this week or next to get my surgery scheduled. Turns out the end of the semester is an entire week earlier than I thought it was!
Crap, I digress. Must be because I'm REALLY TIRED. Anyhow, please, feel free to visit my new blog at:
I'll try to remember to post somewhere here on Spark when I've got a new recipe up.
I also appreciate the support! Thank you!
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