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Hm.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Since we last visited the mind of Jillybean, some things have shifted a little. I think my cousinís upcoming nuptials have been processed and accepted. Iím excited for Frank to be a part of my family. He really is a cool guy. I may be a single crazy cat lady spinster for the rest of my life, but at least Iíll be an educated one. Iím still not finding much comfort in that. Iím still feeling lonely and sad about being lonely. But, Iím too distracted by school and church and other activities to really dwell on it. I donít really feel like thatís a good thing, but it is what it is. At least for now.

It was a bit of a rocky weekend. My mom got into a minor car accident on Thursday. She was stopped at an intersection at a red light and some distracted kid rear-ended her, pushing our car into the car in front of her. So, the car that was already embarrassing and a pain to drive is in even worse shape. And still drivable because that car JUST WONíT F***ING DIE! I hate that car. The trunk no longer latches thanks to it being smashed inward, so itís loosely bungee corded. It bounces up and down constantly since big cars are really jiggly on crappy roads. I canít wash it since the passenger window doesnít roll up and now the trunk doesnít latch. We have two huge mesquite trees in the front that cover the driveway where the car gets parked. Itís like a bird haven up in those branches and they leave their gross marks literally all over the car. Itís pretty humiliating to be behind the wheel now. I do get stares- Iíve seen people stare at the massive pile of crap car as I drive by. Iím not imagining it. Iíve never felt so poor, so humiliated, so white trash in all my life. It just picks at my soul little by little. I also feel like there is nothing I can do about it. People always tell me to be grateful I even have something to drive, but seriously, itís easy for them to say because they donít have to drive it. Thereís no a/c in it and I live in a DESERT. Its 100*F outside with 38% humidity. The only reason itís that low is because we have possibility of rain forecast today, so some clouds are blocking out the sun periodically! Normally its 104-108 this time of year. Oh, and the humidity is supposed to be way, way up later. But, yeah, at least itís a set of wheels. Eff that. Iím all out of gratitude when it comes to that car.


"Hate" doesn't seem like a strong enough word for the animosity I have toward this car.

Saturday night I ended up in the ER with yet another UTI. It had been a while since Iíd last had one. I was done and all in about 2 hours. But, my stubborn old lady mom never got checked out after the accident and was experiencing some back, hip, shoulder, and ankle pain by then. So, I made her check in and get looked at. That took almost 7 hours. We didnít get home until after midnight (WAY WAY passed my bedtime!) and by the 5th or 6th hour of waiting, my mom and I were about to kill each other. She wouldnít stop b!tching about having to wait and I wouldnít stop telling her to stop b!tching. I mean, HELLO! I could have gone home 4 Ĺ hours ago. Turns out sheís fine. Just some contusions and strains. No broken anything.

Of course, I live in a small area and totally forgot how many people I knew in this part of the ER. You know, people that have to be up in your business Ďcuz itís their job. The first person I encountered was actually in triage that day. My ex-boyfriend! Luckily, Iím still friends with him, but there was NO WAY I was going to step on the scale for him to record that in my chart. I told the other guy my weight verbally when he was distracted. But, it didnít really feel awesome to tell him I was there for a UTI. My ex is a sweetheart, though, and would come in to check on me periodically throughout my stay. Later, this other guy, whom Iíve had a crush on for FOREVER was on the swing shift. My mom had told me a little earlier that I smelled like garlic (I had Italian food earlier in the day) so this gorgeous specimen of a man gives me a hug and asks me if Iím alright, and all I can think is, ďHot Guy knows I smell like garlic.Ē *sad trombone* He was working with the isolation cases that day, though, so he swung by to check on me also when he could. I felt well cared for.

Anyhow, earlier that day I went to a bridal shower for a friend from church. Sheís actually marrying an old friend of mine from high school. We had a blast!!! There were games to play, food to eat, people to joke with, and tequila to sample. I have yet to lose the toilet paper wedding dress game. This is my 3rd win!!! WOO! It was a very nice time. I canít wait for the actual wedding (in two weeks!) But, then, the pictures of that day came out. And, as my friend SMILINGTREE said in one of her recent blogs, cameras donít lie. Now, I knew I had gained some weight. Iím not stupid. My clothes are getting tighter. My energy level sucks. Even my brain isnít functioning optimally. And that stupid ovarian cyst constantly hurts. So, I was preparing myself to confront the damage at some soon-ish point and face the music. Holey rusted metal, Batman! I didnít really think it would be soÖ visible. Noticeable. Obvious. I look absolutely HUGE. I couldnít stand to look at myself in these photos. Iím still too shocked by them to feel sad or angry yet. Maybe that will come later. All I can say isÖ DAMN. Itís time to get back on the horse. Itís time to ford the river. Itís time to hunt squirrel. Itís time to not die of dysentery.

And to just add salt to that wound, I finally faced it and stepped on the scale. Since Iíd last weighed in sometime in the middle of May, Iíve gained 9lbs. And every. Single. Pound. Shows. Iím less than 20lbs from my highest ever weight. And that is totally not okay. That stops now.


Every. Single. Pound. Not cool.

Happily, that savings goal I had been working toward was finally achieved. Little by little (and I do mean little- $1 here, $3 there) I saved up $110 for the Fitbit Flex that Iíve been wanting. It took literally almost a year! Iíd save less than $10 each month, so it took quite a while! But, Iíve made it and now I can get my Flex! YAY! Iím hoping that itíll add to my motivation to get back on track with my health. Plus, it coincidentally (or not soÖ?) coincides with the beginning of my health ministry. I need to lead by example, so thatís another set of motivation. More than anything, though, I donít want to be heavy and I want to be healthy. Itís time to work on that.


Soon, my sweet. Soon.

Let's end this blog on a positive.

Yummy food! Whipped out the bamboo steamer for BBQ pork buns. Grilled baby bok choy basted in a sweet marinade. Pea shoot and enoki mushroom salad in an improvised vinaigrette. Ridiculously delicious and healthy (mostly).


Kyle thinks he's helping me study. He's really not.


Boredom today. Total boredom.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIMULUSBUG 9/17/2014 4:52PM

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Is all i've got to say....

If I kick your bootie, maybe you could kick mine.
-Just saying.
emoticon

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BAREFITNESS 9/17/2014 1:21PM

    Have to agree with DShoney on alot of this....the car accident sucks, I've been stubborn about getting checked out also like your mom~glad she is okay. Not knowing what is worse, a banged up car or cruising around in one that has a recall no idea how to fix the problem ride :( My honey has always had those kind of cars, door only opens from the inside, windshield wiper works on one side and not the drivers...that one finally croaked, now it's just no driver's side window....and I mean none....it shattered into the door frame when replacement clip on the rolling mechanism broke :P and Winter is coming...... lol At least the food looked and sounds fantastic!

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RADOOGA 9/17/2014 11:47AM

    Fantastic blog. Glad both you and your mum are ok. I can't imagine what that kind of heat and humidity feels like, we have had to put the central heating on here it has got so chilly. And even in the height of summer, it rarely gets hotter than 30 c (not sure in farenheit)

What will you do when the car does actually die? Do you live in the kind of town where you can walk everywhere? I live in a tiny town, and could survive if I needed to without my car (my car is embarrassing, but more because I keep loading it with stuff to take to the tip and then forget to drop it off...)

Would love to add you as a friend if that's ok. x

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SMILINGTREE 9/17/2014 8:56AM

    I've been following someone on FB who is pretty interesting. Her blog/business is called Project 150. She was an OB/GYN and a triathlete. She quit her practice to become a health coach, and has been doing a 21 day challenge thing on Facebook.

Sometimes her tone is annoying because she gets a little strident and implies that people are fat because they are lazy. That bothers me because it often has to do with socioeconomic factors as much as it has to do with personal motivation and drive. I seriously doubt she has any idea what grinding poverty does to someone.

But, a few days ago, she wrote about how when she was a resident and working 80 hours a week she still made time to work out. I cannot imagine working 80 hours a week -- my brain doesn't function well enough for that -- so I found that bit of information motivating.

Just remember: there is time. Even if you have to study, go to church, and do ten thousand other things, you will feel better and have more energy if you take 15 minutes to exercise too.

Photo note: Even though I detest the pictures of me from our trip (and pretty much all of them from the last 5 years or so) I'm not deleting them. After my mom died, I was SO grateful we had photos of her, and the "bad" ones, the ones of our day-to-day lives were the most special ones. If something terrible were to happen, I would want my loved ones to have those pictures of me, no matter how bad it feels to look at them right now. I am just going to do everything in my power to make sure that someday those are "before" pictures.

Keep chugging along JillyBean. Things are going to be okay.

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DSHONEYC 9/16/2014 5:48PM

    Wow...sometimes you just "take the cake", kiddo, with your blog.

No comment on the car...it will die sometime and then you will be whining about not having a car. It's not as hideous as you think (I have seen and driven worse) *hit...I said I wouldn't comment. emoticon

ER adventures, with cute and nice guys all around...sounds like a good night to me (if you don't consider the pain and your Mother).

Get back with the program and NEVER take a sabbattical from the emoticon for 5 months again. Promise! You are right, it wasn't a pretty picture - but it doesn't help that you were wearing the baggiest clothing in the closet.

I am glad you are ready to face the emoticon. What can I do to help?

Here's a tip...the FitBit flex is under $100 on Amazon.com (free shipping, too). I got mine 4 weeks ago and I love it (sorta). A cute (albeit older) guy at church asked me "how's your mileage?" and after I slapped him I noticed his orange fitbit flex. (just kidding I didn't hit him...thinking we could take long walks on the beach together.)

So keep your chin up, a smile on your face and start emoticon

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Reflecting

Sunday, September 07, 2014

This last week (including last weekend) has been a little tough. I guess I'm already feeling the school stress hit because I haven't really been sleeping that well. All last weekend I got only a few hours of sleep each night. By the time Tuesday hit for my anatomy/physiology exam, I was a walking zombie. And it really, REALLY reflected on the grade I got. Even things that I know, things I donít even have to think about, I answered incorrectly- or left blank- on the test. My poor brain was just too tired to bring the answer to the surface. So, call that test a big, fat F. I did better on my chemistry exam on Friday, but I still didnít do that great. Iíll be lucky if I got a C. Chemistry is going to be difficult because I just donít think in numbers. I donít think in significant figures or scientific notation. That appears to be a huge bulk of it.

Anyhow, Iíve had some other news come up recently, not really related to me, that kinda rocked my lilí world all of a sudden. My cousin is getting married. Thing is, I didnít really know she was in a relationship officially. This is the cousin who leads the womenís bible study and is helping me get my own ministry started. The one I speak to on a near-daily basis! And I just had no idea. I was totally blindsided by the news. Of course, Iím super happy for her and Iím excited to have her fiancť join our family. I do know him and he is totally awesome! I am genuinely stoked about their union. It was just a surprise that I needed time to absorb.

But, like any good world-rocking shock to the system, itís prompted some thoughtsÖ about myselfÖ not many of them good. And, yes, I know better than to compare my journey to others. Iím trying not to. Perhaps itís been my lack of sleep, stress from school, stress from my home life, and a whole multitude of other crap, but I ended up turning the magnifying glass at myself. See, this event means Iím the last in my family unattached. There are only two of us grandkids (out of 10) that are married. My cousin will make the 3rd, but the rest are in long-term relationships. Iím the 3rd oldest. All of my closest friends have either gotten married, are currently engaged, or had children. My best friend from UCSD and I are literally the last ones.

Iím 31 years-old, single, no prospects on the horizon, and still going to school. Itís really starting to feel like there is something wrong with me. I just really wish I knew what it was so I could fix it. What makes the opposite sex find me so unattractive? And I donít necessarily mean physically. What character flaw do I have that needs to be worked on? Am I doomed to never find someone, settle down, have children? Am I going to be a crazy cat lady spinster? What is it about me that made that last guy not want to be with me? Or the one(s) before him?

Iíve never had a problem being single before. In fact, I was always very happily unattached. It has only been within the last few years or so that it started to get to be bothersome. I want companionship, a partner. I want children someday and I donít want to be an older mom (too late!). I feel like Iím missing that part of my life. It feels empty and lonely. It makes me feel defective in some way. It makes me feel very sad. And like a total loser.

So, needless to say, this week has been a struggle, mostly emotionally. Iím putting on my happy face just to get through the day, but really I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. And also be lazy. Iíd really like a day to just stay in my jammy-jams, watch Netflix for 18 hours, and gorge myself on popcorn. Even my day trip to the beach last weekend was exhausting. I am so exhausted from being so busy with school and my normal, daily life. And, ya know, from not sleeping. September is packed full of activity, though. Iíll be attending a bridal shower, a womenís conference, and a wedding, all in 3 weekends in a row. Ah, wellÖ thereís always October. Hahaha!

I didnít mean to be such a bummer, but I had to get some of that out of my head and onto ďpaperĒ. Iíll make it up to you with some photos:

Torrey Pines beach. Beautiful.

I tried to rest and relax on the beach. Didn't really work out.

Kyle didn't want me to do my homework.

Oh, Louis! Such a weirdo!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 9/8/2014 1:10PM

    Big huge gigantic hugs being sent your way!!

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DSHONEYC 9/8/2014 12:00PM

    I could echo Smilingtree but I won't, kiddo. She said it all. But I will say one thing - What's wrong with you? Nothing, would be everyone's (including our Lord & Savior Jesus) answer.

If you ask yourself that same question and answer it honestly, you'd be right in saying everything. Think about it. Whatever you don't like/love about yourself you project out to the rest of the world. People who know and care about you deflect it...but others can't do this cause they don't know you.

All your feelings are legitimate and real. We all struggle with them. Loving yourself is a tough act...practice it. emoticon

PS glad you are able to share these things.

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SMILINGTREE 9/8/2014 9:39AM

    Nice photos, normal feelings (I think -- I'm not really in a position to say. I had kids and got married YOUNG. I was younger than either of my children are right now when they were born...that's not the path I recommend, even though it worked out for me in the end.)

Anyway, I have a friend who is 36, divorced, and thinking along the same lines you are (kind of...she is more convinced that if she could just lose weight the dating world would magically belch up perfect men.) So, she was pondering going to this dive bar in this dive town to "put herself out there." I kept pointing out that the people who hang out in the dive bar one town over are not particularly different from the people who hang out in the local dive bar, and would she really want to date any of those people?

My advice, for the very little it was worth, was to figure out the kind of stuff her "dream" guy would like, then go to the places he would go. I jokingly said if I were ever single again, I'd have to hang out in libraries...

It seems to me that you already do that -- by going to events like ComicCon, and to church, and even school.

But the larger issue is that "putting yourself out there" takes time and energy, both of which are at a premium in your life at the moment. Take care of yourself, Jill. Nothing good will come of walking around like a zombie.

Remember that there are a whole lot of people who care about you. Try to get a little more rest than usual throughout your week so you can enjoy all those September events!

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SLIMMERJESSE 9/8/2014 12:36AM

    Cute cat. Okay, some things to think about. Women of all ages discuss that CA is very hard to meet men - for many reasons. Also, if you have been happily unattached, you're probably a free-spirited, independent type woman. Which means you need a guy who is strong enough to treat his partner accordingly.

Also, when you're busy, it's tough to find time to date or make friends. I find that many men these days are addicted to porn or expect friends with benefits.

I understand your feelings. There's nothing wrong with you. You just haven't met the right person yet.

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New Semester!

Saturday, August 23, 2014

I'll include another graphic photo at the bottom.

So, I took the stitches out of my thumb myself (or rather, my mom did it). Wholly guacamole did it hurt! Not the removal part, but getting the scissors under the stitches to snip them was super painful. Anyhoo, they're out and the thumb is looking good. It's healing really nicely and is physically almost done repairing. The surface, mostly epidermal layers, are still cracked open and not fused back together. The funny Frankensteiny dots where the stitches were in my skin are still visible, too. I was hoping to be further along in being able to use my thumb, but with our fingers so highly innervated, its still super sore! I'm keeping it wrapped up still just for the cushioning. Which has sort of made my first week at school a little challenging.

I'm taking the second semester of anatomy & physiology. Everyone had me so afraid of that class. And maybe it is something to be stressed out about... but, so far I'm not finding it to be any more work or any more intimidating than the first semester was. Maybe I'll be singing a different tune later on? Anyway, I do find this material interesting, so I'm looking forward to the class. I like the group I'm in for the lab portion of the class. Which is really good because this semester involves fetal pig dissection (gross!) and human cadaver observation (extra gross!). I can trust my partner to catch me when I pass out. Hahaha! No, but really...

I'm also taking inorganic chemistry I. This class has me absolutely terrified. I'm not good at math, I'm not good at science, and I very much struggle in both. My friend is going to be a tutor at our tutoring center, so I'll have some help. However, he doesn't know much about inorganic chemistry because he didn't need it for organic chemistry (the class I *really* need!). At my school, and a lot of community colleges in this state, require inorganic chemistry (I & II) as prerequisites for organic chemistry (which sadly, my college doesn't even offer!). At major universities, however, organic and inorganic chemistry are not prereqs for each other and are treated separately and differently... because they ARE separate and different! Frustrating, to say the least. If I could just take organic chemistry and bio chem, I could be ready to apply to my master's degree program already.

Anyway, inorganic chem involves quite a bit of math. And chemicals that can do some bodily damage. Its going to be an intensive class. So, as hard as I'm trying not to be, I'm totally intimidated. I'm very nervous about how this class will be going for me. I don't think in numbers and concepts.

So, since having a bunk thumb, things on the homefront have deteriorated. My kitchen is an absolute pigsty. I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm really not. There is not one clean dish in my house (except for the bowl, plate, spoon, and fork I'm keeping in my room so I do have something clean to eat on). Most of it has been piled up on the counters, the stove, the FLOOR, inside the oven (still dirty), in the sink (both sides) since sometime in early/mid July. And NO ONE, not a single person in my family, has made any attempt at all to do anything about it. They are all waiting for ME to get better to do it- all by myself. I'm cleaning up after 4 grown adults without anyone to help me. It is so absolutely effing disgusting in there, I'm going to have to bleach everything. Literally! I'm going to have to add bleach to the dish water, bleach the counters, the filthy floors, the stove. I'm going to have to run the clean cycle on the oven in the middle of summer. I am so demoralized and resentful of my family. My pleas for help in this area fall on deaf ears. I shouldn't even have to ask for help. The adults in my family should be adult enough to take initiative to get that sh!t done! I don't know what else to do. I'm at the end. I can't wait to move out on my own and only have to deal with my own b.s. I have 2 more years before than can happen, though. I hope I can survive until then.

In the meantime, I'm eating like garbage because there is no one cooking anything. I can't cook anything lefty (I've tried a few times to disastrous results) and I can't use a knife lefty to prepare anything. So, we're relying on processed food and fast food for meals. I'm not exercising because it's still 110*F+ outside (and still in the upper 90's at midnight- I hate living in the desert!) and my treadmill is buried by 2 feet of someone's junk and a couch shoved up against it in my living room. My sewing machine and table are still set up in my room, so that's all the space I had. If I had my right hand available, things in this area would be a little different.

Hopefully, I can have my hand back by September 9. I'm starting a health/nutrition ministry at my church then. We're doing a jump-start/introduction to the ministry by following the Daniel Plan with the women's group. I have already read the book and material. Based on the classes I've taken and what I've learned about nutrition, it's pretty solid in that area. There were a few things- minor- that I didn't agree with, but it was overall pretty dead-on. I was skeptical at first, but ended up being pleasantly surprised. I'm excited to get it going. I like the intersections of faith and health involved with the plan. It is designed in such a way to be fairly universal. Rick Warren is way more conservative and evangelical than my own walk of faith is, but I found the Daniel Plan to be even compatible with my progressive and liberal beliefs. I'll keep you all abreast of how its going once we get it launched.

Anyway, if ya'll would keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers, sending good vibes my way, I'd appreciate it. I'm struggling a bit.

I haven't taken any pics lately, but here's the one graphic one of the ol' thumb's healing process.

emoticon emoticon emoticon WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
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JSPIN74 8/29/2014 9:50AM

    Soooo sorry about your living situation & your family's unacceptable attitude (as if living this was was acceptable for anyone)...sorry it all rests on you & you can't even do anything to correct it right now!

I love your diligence & tenacity. Those qualities will carry you through this hard period & potentially tough semester. Wishing you well...but I know you have it in you.

The nutrition/health ministry sounds interesting for sure...let us know how it goes!

Glad you're gruesome thumb is healing up nicely...take it easy with it a bit longer as you said you will... emoticon

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SMILINGTREE 8/27/2014 2:16PM

    Oh, Jilly. I was so happy to see your name pop up on my blog post (thank you for your comment!) I came to leave a note on your wall, then found this post that I had missed. (I'm late to every single one of them!)

I hope that things turn around for you soon. It sounds like a challenging semester at school, but you can do it. Once you get that kitchen clean, try to come up with a plan to keep it from getting there again. Treat this household like you did the communal living situation you had before you moved home -- where everyone is responsible for him/herself. Cook for just you, and clean up after just you. Just a suggestion -- it may help.

As far as the thumb --OW OW OW! I'm glad the photos show healing!

The church/nutrition thing will be good, I think. You'll have some support and be working on your goals. Good luck with it, and take care of YOU. :)

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 8/25/2014 4:57PM

    Oh my goodness, the dirty kitchen would drive me insane! I am not a neat freak by any means but when there's a few dishes in the sink, it stresses me out!

I know you'll do great in your classes, as you always do! That's awesome you're starting a health/nutrition ministry. Once again, I know you'll do great!!

Sending positive vibes your way!

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ARUNNINGKAT 8/25/2014 12:58PM

    Your classes do sound intense, but I know that somehow you will pull through! The dissection parts just sound plain aweful though. I would be right there with you fainted on the floor!

Hope the thumb heals quickly! You don't realize how valuable a body part is until you can't use it. And any part of your hand... is well.... pretty important to everything.

I have definitely seen some lazy adults in my life and it sounds like you have more than your fair share when it comes to the kitchen and cooking. I would suggest that you just leave everything where it is and see how long it takes before someone else steps up to help, but I know that the mess will just continue to make your life miserable. Tough one for sure!

emoticon

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BAREFITNESS 8/24/2014 2:54PM

    Man, sounds like things can be pretty rough at the house and school is your only means of escape.....and even that doesn't sound so great :P I was into science and biology ALOT in college, but was not into taking required Chemistry and Calculus classes....so can totally relate.

We tend to forget how much we use our opposable thumb until we slice it. I've done it too....used to get phantom feelings were sliced it, now it's just line of numbness where I sliced the nerves.

Sorry to hear no one in the family helps you out~my honey used to live in his own filth....til I moved in, took some time, but dishes make it to the sink, and even if can't get done and they start to pile up, he actually washes them (well, let's the soak in soapy hot water, rinse and dry) I don't complain because he will just stop doing it.

Not even close to 100 * here, finally getting back up into the 70s....thanks to the monsoon rains. Hope you get to enjoy some of the day before diving back into class!

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 8/23/2014 11:48PM

    Sweetie, you are in my thoughts and prayers as you enter this new semester AND coping with your living situation! I know both are very stressful...but this will pass and you will have your own living space and career. Sorry your eating is suffering...I have been there, too, but at least try moderation and order the best you can. Try to maintain...that is a success, too! Hoping your thumb finally heals...you really must have done a number on that!
Take care...see yourself with that degree and a dream job!
Love & Hugs,
Mary

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ARCHIMEDESII 8/23/2014 3:32PM

    I have thumb empathy !! A few years back, I had an accident while cutting up some chicken. long story. anyway, ended up with four stitches. so, I feel your pain. It looks like it's healing nicely.

When I went to school, back in the dark ages, my college required inorganic chemistry before taking organic. In theory, you don't really need inorganic to take organic, but I think learning chemistry basics helps.

As far as cleaning your kitchen, you're right. the 4 other adults in the house should step up and help out. Do they do anything else ? If they have 12 hour a day jobs, I could understand why they might not want to clean the kitchen. they might be too tired. however, if they have regular job hours, yes, they are acting like slugs and need to step up.

And before you get out the bleach, you might try vinegar and baking soda instead. Bleach fumes make me sick. So, vinegar is a really good cleaning alternative.



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Save my little broken body!

Friday, August 08, 2014

Okay, so I havenĎt given a proper update in some time. I apologize for that, but as I said in my latest status, my poor body has been through the ringer!

I finished off my microbio class with a hard-earned A! It took some fighting, and Iím not sure the guy was totally honest to the rest of the class, or to me, but it worked out to my benefit. See, some afternoons when there was nothing left to do for the day except kill time, heíd talk to us about what we were doing in his class- why were we taking microbio? I told him my whole story and why I needed an A in his class. So, by the end of the class he said he would use our lab notebook, if we did a good job and actually turned one in, to make up any 5 pt. deficit we may have encountered for the next grade up. The last day of class he graded our finals immediately if we wanted to stick around and find out how we did. While he was at it, he totaled up our final grades for the class. Somehow, by some miracle, I ended up EXACTLY 5pts shy of an A. So, he factored in 5 additional points because my lab notebook was so badass, bringing my grade up to the next tier. What are the chances of that actually being the case? I think pretty slim. I think he knew I needed the grade, had earned a B, but worked really, really hard, and gave me the A and just told me I was 5 points shy. Either way, I appreciate the A.

Immediately after class ended, I began prepping for Comic-Con. For some odd reason summer school ended on a Wednesday and con was immediately the following Thursday. I had less than 12 hours to prepare. Needless to say, I really wasnít prepared. I had all my outfits planned and knew Iíd be crashing at the broís place. That was it, though. I hadnít thought about food, money, schwag, nothing. I got up to San Deezy a little later than I wanted on Thursday, but it worked out okay. I was supposed to donate blood, like I do every year, but it turns out my caffeine addiction, mixed with my asthma meds, really did a number on my heart rate. It was actually scary for me to be calm, relaxed, not at all out of breath, and to have my pulse be 107! Normally itís in the mid-70s. Yeah, not good. And I couldnít do anything about it yet. I mean, the next 3 days were defined by 3-4 hours of sleep per night, venti Americanos, and sh*tty stale nachos that cost me $8. Iím hardcore when it comes to Con. Iíll sleep when itís over! Iíll eat when I can! Etc . I even partially camped out one night. I had a blast, all in all! I got to see my buddies, had dinner at my favorite San Diego restaurant, went for a short zipline excursionÖ It was a great time! The best part, though, was getting to hang out with my brother. We had dinner Friday night. And Sunday night I decided to stay and leave Monday morning. I needed to sleep before driving two hours through the mountains to get home. We went to dinner again, got some froyo, and settled in at his place to watch part of The Stand. We both fell asleep before we got too far into it. It was cool. He had come down a few times while I had summer school, so I didnít get to spend any time with him. We always have a nice time when we get to chill. Anyway, Iíll just let the photos I took at Comic-Con do the rest of the talkingÖ Also, I'm only posting highlights. If you want to see all the rest of the fun look me up on Instagram: llij1983 or catch me on Facebook.

When I got home, I decided to deal with the caffeine problem. Tuesday I went cold turkey. I did fine most of the day, just a little fatigue. But, by mid-afternoon, the raging headache showed up! As expected. I took some ibuprofen, which seemed to do absolutely nothing, and increased my water intake. The headache lasted until about Thursday morning. The fatigue stuck around and seemed to get worse. I can say I havenít had a drop of caffeine in more than a week! Turns out the fatigue was unrelated. Some evil PMS, which is increasingly taking its toll on my body. I havenít been on meds for it in almost two months. The pain in July was so bad, I actually physically looked sick. My microbio instructor and everyone in my class asked me if I was okay. I was pale, in so much pain, and that damn cyst had definitely come back. I couldnít stand or walk upright as much as I tried. I left class immediately after finishing up my lab (luckily just observing some results). This month is a repeat of that. The pain is so ridiculous Iíve been taking my Motrin 600s. Iím working on insurance or Medi-Cal or whatever so I can get back on meds ASAP. In my case, it is a matter of life or potential death. The cyst is huge- tennis ball sized, and I run the risk of it bursting or causing my fallopian tube to twist (known as torsion) which as I understand is the most intense pain I would have ever felt at this point in my life.

Speaking of crappy medical issuesÖ Iíll explain the stitches now. I was getting ready for church on Sunday morning when I had the misfortune of having one of those super clumsy days. After brushing my teeth, I set my electric toothbrush, with its almost pointless cover on, on top of my clothing pile. It slipped off, the cover popped off, and the damn brush landed bristle-side down on the floorÖ which happened to have a few stray granules of kitty litter on it. Talk about disgusting! I was totally grossed out. I picked up the brush to examine it and sure enough there was a clump sticking to the bristles. Knowing me, I would forget the whole incident and try using it again. To prevent that, I immediately went about removing the head to replace it. Well, unfortunately, I could not find the little tool that allows you to replace it quickly, easily, and safely. So, I started jimmying it as best I could. I got the head off in one quick unexpected motion, using mostly brute force, and before I could blink, my hand was covered in blood and it was dripping down into my lap. I got up and ran out of my room to get my mom. I rinsed off my hand in the kitchen sink, which was pointless Ďcuz the blood was a-gushing! I dripped blood EVERYWHERE! It was all over my house. And my room. And then my momís room. We couldnít get the bleeding to stop. It was a pretty deep, clean slice. So, off to the ER we went. It was in and out of there in less than an hour and a half! First time getting stitches. The worst part was the shot of lido in the thumb. As if it didnít hurt enough! They gave me a Percocet for the pain, which was actually a terrible thing for me. I donít do well with strong medications. I needed to go to the pharmacy (Target is my fave) for more pain meds and antibiotics. I was sitting down on a bench waiting for my stuff to be filled and all of a sudden I got mega diaphoretic. I mean, my pores opened up and I was literally dripping with sweat. My clothes got soaked, my hair got soakedÖ I got so hot, I thought I was going to pass out. My mom got a wet paper towel from the pharmacy and cooled me off and wiped me down. The pharmacist brought me a cup of water. They got me a wheelchair to ride out on. Unfortunately, you need a RIGHT THUMB to operate it efficiently! THANKS! I donít have a right thumb for the next 10 days.

I also had a terrible reaction to the Norco, which I thought Iíd taken before with no problems. It made me feel weak and shaky and borderline nauseated. Then, I had to take my antibiotics on an empty stomach. Only my stomach didnít dig that and I spent all of my Monday morning throwing up the NOTHING that was in my tummy. I forgot how painful dry heaves are. I can take them now with food, just no dairy or iron supplements or vitamins. Total pain in the ass. But, at least Iím not nauseated or puking anymore. I have just stuck to ibuprofen for pain management. I also have some stuff for nausea. Doing good. Stitches should come out on Wednesday.

Okay, so, how have you all been?


E. coli growing in EMB agar. My final project.


Shirt Day 1- cut off sleeve seams and cut neckline asymmetrically. Left edges raw.


Shirt Day 2- removed collar and created gathered off-shoulder collar with elastic. Added glitter to superheroes.


Shirt Day 3- not really a shirt. A short "body con" dress that I wore with jeggings.


Shirt Day 4- took an oversized 2XL boxy t-shirt and removed the collar and hem. Added a new boatneck collar and thicker bottom hem using the leftover scraps. Created a fitted, but loose side seam and sleeves to make a cute, stylish, comfortable dolman.


Hall H buddies... missing Jimmy. You get to know the folks around you when you camp out for 12+ hours together.


I got to be Batman on a zipline for 15 seconds. It was awesome!

And now a few highlights of my experience:








emoticon emoticon emoticon WARNING WARNING WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING WARNING WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING WARNING WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING WARNING WARNING emoticon emoticon emoticon

Yup. That hurt.

To apologize for the above photo, here's an adorable cat photo:

They missed me while I was gone.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JSPIN74 8/29/2014 9:39AM

    Awesome blog/life as always...you never disappoint. Freaking awesome A! Sorry about the cyst business...been there/am there with that myself...

Omg & owww on the finger...my dh just did somethign similar to his pinkie/pinky(sp?) finger - awful..

ComicCon looked great emoticon & so do you!

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CATS_MEOW_0911 8/21/2014 11:22PM

    1. Cysts SUCK and I'm sorry you've been dealing with that. Hope it's gotten better by now.

2. Hope the finger is healed up!

3. I like all of the outfits in your pics, especially the ComicCon one.

4 (and most important). CONGRATS on the A in Microbio! And such a purty petri dish.

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SMILINGTREE 8/9/2014 10:40PM

    Yay on the A, yay for comiccon, yay for nice brother-sister time, boo on crappy health issues, and super boo for stitches. Life just rolls along, doesn't it? I really hope that things smooth out and you have a wonderful, boring, productive routine soon!

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BAREFITNESS 8/8/2014 11:30PM

    Congrats on the A!! hard work does pay off, a sob story and some cookies can help too lol Comicon sounds like ALOT of fun....so jelly! My ex is lucky enough to be stationed in SD for the last three years, and he finally go to go....seeing lots of pics in the FB feed.

Ouch....yeah, gash looks rough! Remember slicing my thumb at work, definitely though was going to pass out from the loss of blood! Can clearly remember hearing my little sister scream from the ER waiting room when she sliced her thumb~on dog food can.....ick! I'm not very good with the whole medicated thing either, having wisdom teeth out kicked my butt~can even feel ibuprofen take effect.

Hope you get some rest time before the next semester starts! We still have a couple weeks here, but the public schools have already started! What happened to Summer.

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ARUNNINGKAT 8/8/2014 2:20PM

    Jill, I am SO sorry about everything you have been through with your health! That is so not okay and frustrating when it just seems to never end. I hope you are able to get everything worked out and healed up very soon.

On a positive note, congrats on the A! I know that you worked hard in that class and I am so glad that you got the A that you were needing! It's so nice when everything works out the way that we need it to!

Looks like you had a wonderful time at Comic Con and it sounds like it was a break that you desperately needed! I have loved seeing all your photos! Love your outfits too! You did a great job!

Like Lena said, take care of yourself!!! We are here for you!

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DSHONEYC 8/8/2014 2:14PM

    Yikes...your recent life has been overflowing!

emoticon on every front!

emoticon on Comic Con...you are one of "the people" who make it such an amazing experience like nothing anywhere else.

emoticon on the awesome A! I remember when your started and am both inspired and relieved! Way to go...

Caffeine is not the enemy, so why are you torturing yourself? That's my only question.

PS Love all the emoticon , especially your talented creations in costuming.

Comment edited on: 8/8/2014 2:15:22 PM

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 8/8/2014 1:56PM

    P.S. Oh, honey...hope that cyst can be taken care of...do you qualify/get
Coverage through OBAMACARE...or Medicaide? Best of luck with it!

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 8/8/2014 1:54PM

    Dang! You are not boring, are you? LOL.
Glad you enjoyed Comic Con! And seeing your bro and friends!
Sorry 'bout that thumb and I get those shots sucks...I once broke a needle off in my foot and took three tries (and THREE times that shot) and they still could not get it...had to have surgery! dr said the reason those shots hurt so bad in fingers, feet, etc...there is no room for the med in there...ugh...OUCH...
congrats on A and for your perseverance!
Hugs,
Mary

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 8/8/2014 1:52PM

    Oh my goodness, you have definitely been put through the ringer!! I'm glad you had such an awesome time at Comic Con and super congrats on the A!! I hope you can figure out something with your insurance so you can get the cyst taken care of and I hope your thumb heals quickly! Take care of yourself!!

Oh, what's your favorite San Diego restaurant?

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Already July

Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Well, I'm a bit more than halfway through my super intense microbiology class. The truth is that is all I've been able to do lately. Class for 7 hours, homework every night, and weekends for studying. I mean, a big exam every week means constant time studying. And I needed to ramp up my studying because I failed the first two tests so far. Yeah.... Super hard. However, I am enjoying the class. Its challenging, my brain feels like its constantly stimulated, and I'm definitely learning a lot. Dunno how it'll tie into nutrition yet, but I'll do what I gotta do.

Sadly, I am losing my priority registration for the upcoming semester. That is actually pretty devastating considering the only classes I have left to take are in high demand and are really difficult to get in to. Registration started today for those with priority and I don't get to register until the 17th. That leaves my chances pretty slim. I'm going to email the professors of the classes and see what they suggest. Hopefully there is something they can do.

As for my home situation, I've completely checked out for the time being. The first week of class this summer I cooked dinner every night (except Tuesday, my Bible study night) and cleaned the kitchen by myself. That contributed a great deal to why I failed the first test in my class. I was so frustrated and upset, I vented to my mom about it. She was the second person to tell me to check out. My grandma told me to before class even started. Anyway, my mom said everything I already complain about: everyone is a fully capable adult that should have the sense of responsibility and the initiative to help me and they choose not to (herself included, which she fully admits to). So, in her words "f*** it! F*** the rest of us! You gotta do what you gotta do to secure your future!" So, I took her advice. I haven't stepped foot in the kitchen to cook or clean. It is a disgusting disaster zone in there. I think having it be so disgusting is stressing me out just as much as me having to do all the work and upkeep myself. I'm not really sure what to do about it.

Also, we got a new refrigerator on Monday of last week and guess who it was left up to to set up? You betcha. It took me almost 5 days to slowly find the time to transfer the stuff from the old fridge to the new fridge. And both fridges are still in my kitchen, which as you can imagine, takes up a ridiculous amount of space and defeats the power saving capabilities of getting a new fridge. Yeesh! While there are still things in the old one, they are things that just need to get thrown out. I suppose I'll have to take care of that sometime soon, too, so it can be moved out of the house. In retrospect, I wish we'd have gotten a new dishwasher instead!

As for my 38 day challenge to eat as clean as possible, I'm doing okay. I've admittedly been faltering lately, but with the addition of the fridge and the lack of clean dishes to cook with AND eat with, I've not been paying that close of attention. I do pretty decently most of the time, though. I still make the majority of my lunches clean (maybe 1 day out of the week its less-than-clean). When I do eat breakfast, which admittedly I don't do very often, I make that clean also. Those delicious Starbucks Doubleshots (NOT the energy drink ones) end up being my breakfast most days. Those are pretty clean, too, so I accept them. Dinner is where things get murky. Since I refuse to cook and it seems that everyone else does, too, we rely on fast food or processed food for most dinners, especially lately. Maybe that will change soon, maybe it won't. Trying not to let it be my problem.

Beyond that, there isn't much else to tell. I didn't celebrate Independence Day because I was studying. I didn't hit up any good 4th of July sales because I was studying. I decided not to go to the Kiss/Def Leppard concert I was supposed to go to in San Diego on Sunday night because I was studying. It paid off, though. I got a B+ on the test. Seriously only 1/2 a point away from an A. So unfair!

Obligatory photos:


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARUNNINGKAT 7/9/2014 2:22PM

    So happy your class is going well for you! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you on getting the classes that you need next semester.

So sorry that things are tough for you at home! I know that must weigh on you and I fully understand the stress that mess can create. You are right to focus on YOU! Not sure why the other won't pitch in and help, but you can't let their lack of motivation drag you down.

Love your Starbucks photo! Hope you get some major rest time in soon! emoticon

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BAREFITNESS 7/9/2014 11:19AM

    Wow! that is some determination, willing to pass up on being part of the Kiss Army and Def Leopard???? Glad it paid off for you~biology was my field of study too, so know how killer some of those courses can be. Don't get too discouraged, it's not like high school.....earning your grades is alot different in college. It took me along time to not beat myself for the lower spectrum of grades....but I managed and survived, and you will too! Sorry the family and housechores make it little hard to focus~know it's hard for me to leave a sinkful of dishes for long. How many more weeks before end of Summer semester??

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DSHONEYC 7/9/2014 11:04AM

    emoticon on the B+.
I greatly admire your determination to accomplish your education goals. I think if you keep bugging the teachers, they will see how important it is to you and let you in.

I know it is hard dealing with your living situation. Carve yourself a spot to prepare healthy meals, take care of yourself first. If you do get to SD in the near future I'll join you and SDLOV3R at the beach. You are looking great! Must be all that brain exercise!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JSPIN74 7/9/2014 9:57AM

    You're a powerhouse! You're doing f'ing amazing...& so much as always..

Your mom's wisdom is well...well it's wise...you have to secure your future & say f everything else on occasion. Everything will be back on track when you have the time/energy to do it ALLLL again.



emoticon

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SMILINGTREE 7/9/2014 9:05AM

    Look at it this way: all that studying will eventually result in you having your own kitchen that no one else can go into! It's really hard to eat well in that kind of environment, though, so I understand (my own kitchen is pretty much a disaster area...because I don't take the time to take care of things).

Congratulations on your B+. That is freaking awesome. You got this.

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SDLOV3R 7/9/2014 12:28AM

    How fantastic that your family is so supportive of your education. Hang in there. You're doing FANTASTIC! I certainly hope the profs can move registrations around. In some of my last classes in my undergrad the professors booted people out of the class who still had time left on campus in order to make room for people who were trying to graduate. I hope that's the case for yours.

YOU ROCK!!!!! Also, when your class winds down, you should come out to SD and go hit the beach with me and Colin. :-)

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 7/9/2014 12:13AM

    I/2 point from an A...Crap! But, hey, look how well you did...all the studying paid off! Man, you have enough stress going on...wish people would pitch in for you! But take care of yourself, this is too important! Loved your crude...lol
Hang in there, sending smart thoughtsand prayers for good things!
Good Luck getting the classes!
Love & Hugs,
Mary

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