Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Do you ever feel like everyone you run into wants SOMETHING from you and you just don't have enough time to get everything done? Sometimes it feels like people think you should drop EVERYTHING to take care of their needs and the hell with you own needs. I feel that way.....A LOT.....especially at work. Like somehow, because I don't have a husband and kids, I don't have a live and don't deserve to have free time or down time, or time to myself. I mean, come on, no family?? Well then obviously I should be able to put everything else aside and be at everyone elses' beck and call. HA!! That sucks. And to be perfectly honest, I am tired of bending over backwards for people, putting myself LAST, and not getting so much as a thank you. NO...instead, I am only worth some peoples' time when it is convienent for THEM. Well, I'm not really keen on the whole, "your my friend when it is convienent" type of friendship.
Hmmm....maybe I am suffering from "diet rage'......or maybe I am just tired of working 60 hours a week.....or perhaps I am tired of inconsiderate people.....then again, it could be that I am tired of people thinking I should always drop EVERYTHING to take care of their needs......then again, maybe I am just plain tired and need a vacation.
I don't know what it is.....but it sucks.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Well, here I am, another year older. I haven't been doing the best the my eating and exercise the last couple of weeks. Why??? Well, I think I figured that out yesterday. I am just OVERWHELMED. I'm working 50 hours a week, trying take classes on-line, and trying to totally revamp my lifestyle, all while continuing to deal with "firsts" regarding my Dad's death. First Dad's birthday without him, first Thanksgiving, first Mom's birthday, first Christmas and New Year, and now my first birthday without my Dad. I just feel totally overwhelmed.
To make matters worse, I know I am putting my own health and well being on the back burner because of all the other responsibilities I have. Doesn't seem fair, I should get to come first once in awhile. Something's got to give, I'm just not sure what. Maybe I need to put off taking classes for awhile, or maybe I need to just focus on one healthy habit at a time. Instead of trying to get 5 work out days a week in and making all the right eating choices every day, maybe I need to try and get 2 or 3 days in at the gym and make one nutrition goal a week. I just don't know. Some days, I feel like I am drowning......and I KNOW that is setting me up to fail somewhere.
I really could use that year off to do nothing but work on getting healthy........wonder what my boss would say.......LOL.....she would laugh at me. Oh well, I'll figure something out.
Just needed to vent.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Well, it is Monday, the start another week. I didn't do so hot this weekend. Friday was BAD....Saturday was okay....Sunday was better. I usually don't struggle on the weekends like I did this weekend. Oh well, I have to remember that there will be bumps in the journey. I just have to keep reminding myself....this is forever, there is no need to "race", a nice steady pace will work just fine. This is forever.....and every time I stumble....I learn something new, something that will help me down the road.
I'm only a couple of pounds from my 1st goal!! YEAH! It will be nice to hit that first goal. I have my goals all set up and the rewards that go along with them. If (when) I meet my goals, I'm gonna get some cool stuff! LOL....I deserve it right?
Good luck to everyone this week. I'm back on track and ready to bust butt!!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
You know, we all have those days...where things just don't seem quite right. Well, that was my day today. Not really sad, just a bit down, things seem off kilter and I just don't feel right. Decided to take a break today, rent some movies and just veg at home after work. (Side note.....rented Beowulf....was NOT impressed...it's still playing while I am typing this....)
I got to thinking today about how very far I have to go. I am down about 6 pounds and that is GREAT.....I just have a long way to go. Sometimes, when I start looking at how much weight I would like to lose, I get a bit overwhelmed. Can I really do it? Can I really put myself first, my health first, long enough to accomplish my goals? I know it will be worth it. Some days, I just get really tired.
I work in a field that drains me emotionally, mentally and physically. Not so much physically, except for some long days, but the other two, by the end of the week (heck sometimes the middle of the week), I just don't feel like I have much left. Now, besides putting everything I can into my job, I feel like I am obsessed with my weight. I spend TOO MUCH time thinking about calories and such and eventually it just frustrates me. So, I'm not sure what the answer is. I know I need to pay attention to what I eat and how many calories I am eating, but obsessing is really A LOT of work!! :)
Maybe my HUGE fear of failure is raising it's ugly head. That voice in the back of my head that says "you cannot do this" or "it's just too much, you'll never get it done" seems to be talking quite often these days.
I want to lose the weight, probably more than I ever have before. I guess I just need to be careful that I don't get in my own way. Or maybe I need to find a job that isn't so stressful. Or maybe, I just need a vacation.
Hopefully my weigh in goes well on Friday. I guess I just need to keep, keepin on. One of these days it will all come together and all the hard work will pay off. I hope.....
Tomorrow will be a better day. Hopefully I'll find my balance, find my center and hold until I get some down time.
"IN the warriors code, there is no surrender. When the body says STOP, the spirit crys NEVER"
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I've been thinking lately....I need a year or so off. Not to travel (not much anyway) or be lazy, no I want a year off to do nothing but focus on my health. I find myself constantly thinking about what else I can be doing (exercise and nutrition wise) and trying to find time to do all the things I need to do to get healthy. Someone once said that in order to lose weight and get healthy, you need to be able to devote 100% of your time and energy to the process. Okay, so 100% is a lot, but really, with a 50+ hour a week job, a job that follows me home, and for others who have kids and a family to take care of, aren't we lucky to even have 25%-30% of our time and energy to put toward our health and weight loss?
I'm wondering what my boss would do if I asked for a year's sabbatical to get healthy. There is a HUGE push at my organization right now for staff to get healthy (which is not a bad thing...), but what would they do if I asked for what I REALLY need? A year, to focus on nothing but developing healthy habits like, exercise, proper nutrition, proper sleep habits. I mean, hey, I'll bring all my info back and train other people.....okay, yeah, I'm still thinking they will say no.
But seriously, if I came into some money (lol...like winning the lotto)I would take a year off to LEARN how to be healthy. I would devote all of my time to figuring out what I need to do to get and stay healthy as well as all of the things that keep me from getting there. I wonder if it would work?
Get An Email Alert Each Time JHINKER2 Posts