JHINKER2   3,078
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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Do you ever feel like everyone you run into wants SOMETHING from you and you just don't have enough time to get everything done? Sometimes it feels like people think you should drop EVERYTHING to take care of their needs and the hell with you own needs. I feel that way.....A LOT.....especially at work. Like somehow, because I don't have a husband and kids, I don't have a live and don't deserve to have free time or down time, or time to myself. I mean, come on, no family?? Well then obviously I should be able to put everything else aside and be at everyone elses' beck and call. HA!! That sucks. And to be perfectly honest, I am tired of bending over backwards for people, putting myself LAST, and not getting so much as a thank you. NO...instead, I am only worth some peoples' time when it is convienent for THEM. Well, I'm not really keen on the whole, "your my friend when it is convienent" type of friendship.

Hmmm....maybe I am suffering from "diet rage'......or maybe I am just tired of working 60 hours a week.....or perhaps I am tired of inconsiderate people.....then again, it could be that I am tired of people thinking I should always drop EVERYTHING to take care of their needs......then again, maybe I am just plain tired and need a vacation.

emoticon I don't know what it is.....but it sucks.

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LUCKYDUCK2 4/30/2008 3:51PM

    Here is an example for one days reading

Flack from Setting Boundaries March 23

We need to know how far we'll go, and how far we'll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere.
Beyond Codependency

When we own our power to take care of ourselves set a boundary, say no, change an old pattern we may get flack from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.

We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.

People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.

If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they'll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That's normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you. Flack.

If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That's okay. That's flack too.

We don't have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we've decided we want and need to change. We don't have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn't deserve it. It will die down.

Prayer for today:
Today, I will disregard any flack I receive for changing my behaviors or making other efforts to be myself.

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LUCKYDUCK2 4/30/2008 3:37PM

    I have a book called THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO by Melody Beattie. Each page has a date on it and you read the one page only . It is my "second Bible". Take a look at it if you have time. This book deals with everything.

The title is mis-leading because it is about taking care of self and deals with so much. Please check it out . I think you will love it.

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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Well, here I am, another year older. I haven't been doing the best the my eating and exercise the last couple of weeks. Why??? Well, I think I figured that out yesterday. I am just OVERWHELMED. I'm working 50 hours a week, trying take classes on-line, and trying to totally revamp my lifestyle, all while continuing to deal with "firsts" regarding my Dad's death. First Dad's birthday without him, first Thanksgiving, first Mom's birthday, first Christmas and New Year, and now my first birthday without my Dad. I just feel totally overwhelmed.

To make matters worse, I know I am putting my own health and well being on the back burner because of all the other responsibilities I have. Doesn't seem fair, I should get to come first once in awhile. Something's got to give, I'm just not sure what. Maybe I need to put off taking classes for awhile, or maybe I need to just focus on one healthy habit at a time. Instead of trying to get 5 work out days a week in and making all the right eating choices every day, maybe I need to try and get 2 or 3 days in at the gym and make one nutrition goal a week. I just don't know. Some days, I feel like I am drowning......and I KNOW that is setting me up to fail somewhere.

I really could use that year off to do nothing but work on getting healthy........wonder what my boss would say.......LOL.....she would laugh at me. Oh well, I'll figure something out.

Just needed to vent.

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GLORYTOGLORY 4/8/2008 5:53PM

  Sending ahug and prayer your way!

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KANDILEWIS 4/8/2008 4:36PM

    Love ya Julie!
Let me know if their is anything I can do to help!!!

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LUCKYDUCK2 4/8/2008 1:35PM

    Sometimes, we need a good vent. I remember last year was tough with the Holidays being the first for my dad. We lost him in July of 06. It is a loss that runs so deep. Sadly, the only way to avoid this kind of pain is to go before we lose those we love....
I have to set back sometimes and remember, he left a void in all of our lives when we lost him. Sometimes, I have to take the focus off of me. I hope that makes sense.

You can not be superwoman and do all everyday. That would overwhelmed anyone. The key is to fit this into your life today. Hence the term, lifestyle change , right?

Please , do focus on ONE healthy nutrition and one healthy exercise mini goal each week. The key term being MINI goal. Maybe you can start this week by planning out seven healthy breakfasts to start your day and fifteen minutes of exercise every day or 30 every other day in the morning. I do fifteen minutes every morning to wake me up. I have to spend allot of time at a drawing board so I set my mini goal to get up and move for 10 Min's every two hours.

You know Baby steps will take us to the same destination and we don't have to be perfect to get there. Start with small changes you can live with and adapt to your demanding schedule and mini goals you can accomplish. Hugs to you.

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LEARNIN2LUVME 4/8/2008 1:02PM

    Hey girlie i'm glad u vented, and it's ok that ur overwhelmed, maybe u should set small goals, they work out better, and then when u accomplish them, make some more.
I lost my dad 6 yrs ago, so i know how u feel.
If you need anything i'm here for u .....
Good luck with everything, and no matter what happens, don't forget to BREATHE~~~

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CLEESMITH 4/8/2008 12:45PM

    What a great vent! I too lost my Dad this past year (October 07') and have less energy, motivation, and am usually stressed with all there is to do & missing my Dad in the meantime.

Anyways, best of luck. I have no great suggestions other than to take it slowly; one thing at a time; and to focus on the important things first.

Good luck overwhelmed! You'll get on track. There is no reason why cutting down and being more efficient (for lack of a better word) has to mean you've failed!

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It's Monday

Monday, March 03, 2008

Well, it is Monday, the start another week. I didn't do so hot this weekend. Friday was BAD....Saturday was okay....Sunday was better. I usually don't struggle on the weekends like I did this weekend. Oh well, I have to remember that there will be bumps in the journey. I just have to keep reminding myself....this is forever, there is no need to "race", a nice steady pace will work just fine. This is forever.....and every time I stumble....I learn something new, something that will help me down the road.

I'm only a couple of pounds from my 1st goal!! YEAH! It will be nice to hit that first goal. I have my goals all set up and the rewards that go along with them. If (when) I meet my goals, I'm gonna get some cool stuff! LOL....I deserve it right?

Good luck to everyone this week. I'm back on track and ready to bust butt!!


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WETZJANET 3/3/2008 12:36PM

    Congratulations on your great attitude, kiddo. I wish I had that attitude today. I am home with Taylor. She has Inluenza. I have to stay home with her again tomorrow. Yesterday she had a fever of 103. My motivation is shot right now. I'll check back in later. Love you.

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AVIATORSGURL 3/3/2008 11:46AM

    Yes there are plenty of bumps in the road, some of rockier than others, but we just have to carefully walk our way through it and pray that tomorrow will be a much better day with a smoother road to walk......good luck, J

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KANDILEWIS 3/3/2008 10:57AM

    What are your rewards for your goals?

I was so darn sick all weekend.
I have no doubt I had influenza but refused to go to the doctor.. I figured why bother. Nothing they can do anyway...

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A little down....

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

You know, we all have those days...where things just don't seem quite right. Well, that was my day today. Not really sad, just a bit down, things seem off kilter and I just don't feel right. Decided to take a break today, rent some movies and just veg at home after work. (Side note.....rented Beowulf....was NOT impressed...it's still playing while I am typing this....)

I got to thinking today about how very far I have to go. I am down about 6 pounds and that is GREAT.....I just have a long way to go. Sometimes, when I start looking at how much weight I would like to lose, I get a bit overwhelmed. Can I really do it? Can I really put myself first, my health first, long enough to accomplish my goals? I know it will be worth it. Some days, I just get really tired.

I work in a field that drains me emotionally, mentally and physically. Not so much physically, except for some long days, but the other two, by the end of the week (heck sometimes the middle of the week), I just don't feel like I have much left. Now, besides putting everything I can into my job, I feel like I am obsessed with my weight. I spend TOO MUCH time thinking about calories and such and eventually it just frustrates me. So, I'm not sure what the answer is. I know I need to pay attention to what I eat and how many calories I am eating, but obsessing is really A LOT of work!! :)

Maybe my HUGE fear of failure is raising it's ugly head. That voice in the back of my head that says "you cannot do this" or "it's just too much, you'll never get it done" seems to be talking quite often these days.

I want to lose the weight, probably more than I ever have before. I guess I just need to be careful that I don't get in my own way. Or maybe I need to find a job that isn't so stressful. Or maybe, I just need a vacation.

Hopefully my weigh in goes well on Friday. I guess I just need to keep, keepin on. One of these days it will all come together and all the hard work will pay off. I hope.....

Tomorrow will be a better day. Hopefully I'll find my balance, find my center and hold until I get some down time.

"IN the warriors code, there is no surrender. When the body says STOP, the spirit crys NEVER"

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KANDILEWIS 3/2/2008 6:36PM

    I just read this. Sorry I didn't respond before now!!

You CAN and you WILL do this!!!
You know what I find most helpful... I look at the big picture in small pieces. I want to lose 5 pounds... then another 5 and another 5 and so on.

Maybe set a 6 month goal for youself... then another 6 month goal...

It is overwhelming, but I know you and you ARE a strong person. I believe in you.!

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AVIATORSGURL 2/27/2008 10:14AM

    oh girl, I'm right there with you, I too have felt off kilter not just today, but for the past few weeks even. I'm totally overwhelmed by it all as well. And like you I've never wanted this as bad as I do now, but at the same time I keep thinking you can't do this, come on get real. But while I'm writing this I'm reminded that before I had my son I was heavy and managed to lose 80 lbs. So I know I can do it, had I only been more careful when I was pregnant, but I thought I had free reign to eat it all baby!!! and I did!!!!!!!!!

So let's keep each other accountable and do this together hand in hand, cheer each other on with each little step. Do you remember that song in one of the Christmas cartoons, take one step in front of the other and soon you'll be walking out the doooooorrrrr! That's gonna be us.....if you have yahoo messenger add me please, I have it on during the day at work as well...aviatorsgurl@yahoo.com
R>Good luck and yes tomorrow will be a better day I promise!


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WETZJANET 2/27/2008 10:10AM

    Hey you!! I know how you feel about the whole process being overwhelming because we have so far to go. Remember to start small by making your goals attainable. Try not to dwell TOO much on the big picture. You lost six pounds, you drank eight glasses of water, you ate fruits and veggies. Try to find an accomplishment in everything you do everyday!!

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MHARVESTD 2/26/2008 9:44PM

    I definitely understand days like this. The nice thing is that there is ALWAYS a better tomorrow! :o)

Hang tight and keep us posted.

You are doing a great job, and you CAN do this! Hugs!

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JAIMEKRISTAL 2/26/2008 9:34PM


if looking at the total amount of weight you have to loose, make it less. and each time you reach that goal, make a new one. eventually you will get to where you want to be in the end, and looking at it wont be so daunting in the process :0)

i have days where i just get up knowing this is not going to be my day... thankfully today wasn't one of them for me, but a few days ago i was there because everything that could go wrong did. and to make up for it, the universe gave me an excellent day today, maybe your day is tomorrow?

whenever i think i can't make it i go browsing through sparks and see all the people who have succeeded. if they can do it, well, i'm not going to be left behind! i like to think i'm just as good as everyone else and i refuse to say that i can't do what they can.

if concentrating on the cals is aggravating you could try stop watching so closely. you could try planning out your meals at the beginning of the week or month so you dont have to think about it later on, just follow the menu. and vacations are always a good thing, right when you're about to go insane you can just pause to enjoy life.

also, i had to read beowulf in grade ten. i can't say i was impressed either.

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EFAKER 2/26/2008 9:22PM

    Hang in there... don't let your "down" mood get to you.... remember that you can only do this one step at a time.... and so far, all your steps seem to be taking you down the weight loss trail! I sure understand about job stress... if you can't take a real vacation, make sure that when you get home you do something really wonderful for yourself (maybe not Beowulf....lol!)

Hang in there, I read your page and you seem like a beautiful, talented young woman.... you can do this!

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I need a year or so off....

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I've been thinking lately....I need a year or so off. Not to travel (not much anyway) or be lazy, no I want a year off to do nothing but focus on my health. I find myself constantly thinking about what else I can be doing (exercise and nutrition wise) and trying to find time to do all the things I need to do to get healthy. Someone once said that in order to lose weight and get healthy, you need to be able to devote 100% of your time and energy to the process. Okay, so 100% is a lot, but really, with a 50+ hour a week job, a job that follows me home, and for others who have kids and a family to take care of, aren't we lucky to even have 25%-30% of our time and energy to put toward our health and weight loss?

I'm wondering what my boss would do if I asked for a year's sabbatical to get healthy. There is a HUGE push at my organization right now for staff to get healthy (which is not a bad thing...), but what would they do if I asked for what I REALLY need? A year, to focus on nothing but developing healthy habits like, exercise, proper nutrition, proper sleep habits. I mean, hey, I'll bring all my info back and train other people.....okay, yeah, I'm still thinking they will say no.

But seriously, if I came into some money (lol...like winning the lotto)I would take a year off to LEARN how to be healthy. I would devote all of my time to figuring out what I need to do to get and stay healthy as well as all of the things that keep me from getting there. I wonder if it would work?

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GAERWEN 2/20/2008 8:44PM

  I agree, that would be heavenly! A year to commit and focus solely on my health. That would be a year well worth it and it would probably add a few extra enjoyable years to our lives. I think you are onto a great concept. I wonder how many employers we can talk into this idea!

Comment edited on: 2/20/2008 8:44:01 PM

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AVIATORSGURL 2/19/2008 12:55PM

    Wouldn't that just be heavenly, to be able to have a whole year devoted to yourself? I would definitely have to come into a lot of money in order to do that myself. I sometimes wonder even how these people on the show the biggest loser are able to take that much time off from work to be at the 'ranch'.

I know my boss would just laugh me out of here if I even asked for enough time off to be on that show let alone a year. So here I am stuck with whatever free time I have trying to get healthy and happy. And like you I've become so obsessed with it, it's in my waking and sleeping hours as well.

This morning I finally tried the exercising before my husband got up, but looks like I'll have to lock the cat in the bedroom. There's nothing quite like a cat rubbing on your head or climbing on you as you're huffing and puffing...hahaha

Take care, Janet

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