Tuesday, January 08, 2008
I'm officially right at my half-way point. Today the scale said 135lbs, and I'm really excited. It felt stuck at 136lbs for what seemed like an eternity (probably a month). I as trying not to weigh myself over the holidays, because I knew I'd get discouraged... but I'm glad I did today! My original goal was to go from 144 to 125 by February 1st. We have a vacation to Disney World scheduled that week. Although I was starting to get really down because my actual weight loss wasn't mirroring the "goal line" on my progress chart. Sounds retarded, I know. I tend to be a perfectionist though, and I was feeling like I already missed the goal. So I changed the final goal date from February 1st to April 1st. I'm still going to do my best to lose whatever I can between now and February 1st, but at least that goal line won't be making me feel bad!! haha :)
I know I could be losing more if I worked out more often. My knee has been bothering me for the last six weeks or so, probably because I was riding my stationary bike too much. So now I'm kinda bummed because it starts to bother me again when I ride the bike. I've been trying to get out and walk, but the weather in MI isn't always the greatest, so that's difficult too. The sad thing is that I have a gym membership. What I need to do is get my butt in there and use it! I'm just so happy to say "I've lost almost 10 lbs!" What a great feeling... Thank You God! :)
Monday, December 17, 2007
God -- even when things seem unsure, and I don't understand quite where You're leading me... I know You have a plan for my life. Whenever a door closes, another one opens--of this I am sure. Thank you for always doing what is best for me, even when it doesn't feel like it at the time.
I am so excited for the future, Lord. Although, please help me to be content with what I have in the here and now. Sometimes I find myself always looking to the destination, and not enjoying the journey.
Thank you for blessing my life more than I could have ever imagined. I will place everything in Your hands, and know that there's no need to worry about tomorrow--because You are already there.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
I've been feeling really down this week. Quick recap for you all... I was supposed to start a new job last Monday, and it ended up not working out before I even got started. As a result, I'm now unemployed. I could go back to my old job, so it isn't so much an issue of "oh no, I'm unemployed, what now?!" Yet I don't want to go back to my old job. I didn't like it there -- at all... which is why I left in the first place.
However, now I'm feeling a bit lost, and just plain down in the dumps. I felt very strongly that God was leading me to this new job, and it pretty much blew up in my face. I've put out a few resumes, but not for jobs that I'm really all that excited about. It's fun being a "housewife" as my hubby likes to call it. He'd be alright with me just staying home. We'd be alright financially, but we certainly wouldn't be saving much extra after bills. It's all so bizarre. In all honesty, the whole situation probably isn't as big of a deal as I'm making it... and yet it feels like one to me. I have a tendency to be a perfectionist and overanalyze, so that certainly doesn't help the situation. I'm never good enough for myself. If I'm at work, I dream about being a stay at home wife/mother. Now that it appears I've gotten what I ultimately want... I feel that I should be working, making money, contributing.
To throw another little wrench into the situation, we'd like to start a family soon. We had decided on May/June of 2008, so starting that new job was going to work out perfectly. It was going to be flexible, easy going, very family friendly, etc. Now that I'm not working, the thought of pushing our "baby date" up keeps coming into my mind. I think "well, if I'm going to be off work, I might as well be doing something worthwhile, no sense in waiting, etc." We're definitely emotionally ready. We've got a little bit of debt to pay off, but nothing crazy. In all honesty, I'd probably stress out about our finances whether we truly had enough or not. I'm just am anxious person, in general. Anyways... now I'm having thoughts of "should we try for a baby now?" But then it would be hard to start a new job pregnant. I wouldn't want to do that. Just get going, get settled, and then be off for a few months.. and then ask to be part time? That sounds retarded. Or do we stay with our original "baby date" in the summer and hope that something job-wise comes through for me soon? Oiy, my head hurts. I'm sick of thinking about all of this. I'm sick of worrying. I'm sick of feeling like God has lead me down a dead-end path, and He's refusing to show me the right path. Is there ever a right path? Or does He just pick up the pieces and make good out of whatever path I take? I'm having doubts about everything. I feel like I'm floating along with no clue what the H is going on right now. I think I'm probably just a bit insane. Who wouldn't want a month off at Christmas time?! And while I'm enjoying it... I just can't stop my mind from racing and worrying about the future, and what I should be doing NOW to get ready for it. Deep down I worry that my perfectionist tendencies will never allow me to be satisfied no matter what happens, and that I will find fault no matter what.
On a positive note... the scale has been at 136 the last week.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
This morning the scale was at 138.0 even. Woohoo!! It appears I'm starting to get over my 139 lb. hump. I joined the 5 lb. challenge on my team "Getting Fit Before Baby" , so I'm gonna get back on track and shoot for one pound a week. That would put me right on target for my goal weight of 125 by February 1st. Just in time to go to Disney and wear a bikini on the beach!!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Today is a good day, despite the fact that hubby is out of town and I miss him like crazy. Yesterday I gave my notice at my job, because I'm starting a new job in December. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I've been praying a lot about it for a long time, and I feel that God is leading me to this new career, and I'm looking forward to the things he has planned for me. I feel so grateful.
It also appears as if I may be losing another pound soon! I've been at a plateau of 139 lbs for a while now, and today the scale was at 139.1 as opposed to the usual 139.7 or 139.8. Could be water weight, could be a lot of things... but I'm excited!! It's motivating me to try even harder to see some more results!! My "skinny" jeans still don't button (like they did when I was 130lbs) but at least they got over my legs and hips!! :-P
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