JESSW251   2,102
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New Day One

Sunday, July 08, 2012

Well tomorrow is a new day one. I have to make this work this time. Going to weigh in in the morning and actually take pictures. I have never taken pictures before so hoping that having a visual will help. I'm going to weigh in every week. Things I'm working on first are snacking and eating after dinner, and exercising. I find it easy to incorporate fruits/veggies into meals so I'm not as worried about that right now. Eventually I would like to figure out a way to really reduce the amount of processed foods I eat- but I have already reduced those greatly from where I was 5 years ago. Little goals every week. Trying for two pounds a week right now. 30 min of cardio 4X a week, yoga stretches 5X a week, and weights 2X a week. Going to keep a food journal again, but not going to count calories right now. Just focus on really being hungry when I snack and only snacking on healthy foods. I'm ready to do this. I finally had a good talk with my husband and I feel I will have his support much more this time than I did before and that is going to be a big part of my success. I also know that I can't rely on that. This is my journey. I have to be able to overcome those obstacles and I have to figure out what works for me. If I let people get in my way, that is just me finding more excuses. I am tired of feeling tired all the time. I'm tired of being sore, of not being able to breath when I lay down. I have to do this for me, for MY health. Not anyone else.

  
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KRISTING1123 7/8/2012 10:39PM

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How can I do this?

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Ten years. That is how long I have been struggling with my weight. I am just now starting to really feel the health impacts on my body and it really scares me. My problems run deep. I have been raised in a family where dinner was mac and cheese or hamburger helper. "Vegetables" was a four letter word. Even after I married and have been able to open my palate to more, better for me foods, I am still surrounded by people who do not exercise regularly or eat healthy at all. My husband frequents fast food even if the pantry and fridge are stocked full. I really enjoy cooking, but it becomes a chore in my small apartment kitchen.

Because of the way I was raised, I have become accustomed to eating junk food and large portions. Because I do not have the immediate support of my family and friends, I am constantly tempted and frequently give in to eating things I should not.

I love being with my family. We have cookouts a lot during the summer, but that just means cheap processed hot dogs or fatty ground beef hot dogs with chips and potato salad loaded with mayo. I usually bring fruit. Any time I try to switch things up it doesn't go over well. And it gets expensive. (have you seen how much more turkey hot dogs are compared to the .99 cent pack!?)

Along with the issue of no immediate support, I also have the issue of binge eating. I do not have a severe case, but I do go on spurts, almost daily, where I cannot stop myself from eating. It's just little things, but it is a lot of little things. And I feel horrible eating them and even worse afterwards.

I have been off an on when it comes to getting healthy. I usually do okay for a month or so and lose some weight, but then it just becomes too easy to stop. This last time it started with Easter and has just gone down hill since. It becomes so much easier to just buy the junk food to stop my husband from complaining, eating out with them instead of trying to cook something in the heat, and making excuses not to exercise.

The thing is, I know what to do. I know what works. I know how good it feels. I really don't understand why I give up so easy when I want it so bad. I was up to almost being able to jog a mile back at the beginning of the year and now I'm out of breath just climbing the stairs. I know that taking care of myself gives me more energy, I get more done, I just overall feel great. But I also know that it adds more stress.

I feel like I am constantly fighting a losing battle when my husband suggests we go to Burger King for dinner or out for ice-cream. If I say no then I'm just ruining the fun. The thing is, that he's never really said this either. I infer it from body language sometimes and sometimes I just use it as an excuse. I really want that ice-cream.

We are going through a stage of lack of communication right now and that is making it harder. Trying to focus on our relationship but also my own with myself is tiring. Especially when you add in school, work and a two year old. I would love for him to do this with me, as he really needs to get into shape too, but he seems reluctant for some reason. I'm really hoping that we will be able to have a productive conversation soon.

I just feel like I am at a dead end. I don't know which way to go. How to make this better. I'm terrified of failing again. And I do know that there are always going to be struggles and slip ups but how do I not let that get me back to where I am now? I want to get healthy. I want to get to a place where eating good, fresh foods is as natural as unwrapping a burger or candy bar- and as satisfying. How do I do that? Will I truly ever get there? Will I ever beat this? I want to, I want it more than just about anything right now...

  
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SOCDIRECTOR 7/7/2012 12:16AM

    You can do it, Jess! You are in the right place and this is the right time.
Find your inner SPARK and let's take this journey together.
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Whew!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Day 3 at the gym! emoticon

Made it through the third real workout! And my husband joined today too so yippy! Now we have something to do together that doesn't include going out to dinner :) It was starting to get hard for us to find things in common.

I can't wait until it gets easier to go the thirty minutes on that elliptical though!

I think I joined this right at the right time too. So much has been going on in my life and I've been stressed and emotional and instead of turning to food I'm getting out my frustrations at the gym. Soooo much better.

I feel like I have lost 10 pounds in the last three days and have to try really hard not to jump on the scale. Not until Monday!

  


Man am I out of shape!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Went to the gym for the first time today and had a session with a PT. It went well. I found out just how out of shape I am though! But feel like I have some direction now. She's making me up a plan to stick to starting tomorrow and they even call you if you don't show up for a class or on a day you are normally there! I need that accountability! From what I understand so far I'm going to be doing a strength training class on mondays and fridays and cardio 5 days a week, with my own ST workout on Wednesdays. I am sooo thankful that I have a schedule right now that allows me to do this. I really need it. I'm feeling healthier and healthier every day!

I'm also glad that I realized that crappy days don't have to be a big step back. Things happen, I'm learning from them, taking them for what they are worth and moving forward. Why look back on the negatives? Every day is a new day- and everyone makes mistakes. Yup, some hurt. Some may even be devastating at the time. But life is just a big mind game. You have to learn to work with it to beat it. I'm getting there :)

emoticon at the gym!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GLITTERFAIRY77 5/26/2010 10:32AM

  ROUND IS A SHAPE! *waddles away crying*
Seriously, though. I know what you mean. I thought I was doing well, walking and getting on the exercycle. Today, me an my daughter are going to have a contest to see how many times we can go up and down the stairs before we can't take it any more.

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FLUFFYANDFINE 5/24/2010 7:22PM

    You maybe feeling out of shape now, but in a couple of weeks you will notice a difference in your fitness level. Enjoy yourself! emoticon

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SANDRAMARIA 5/24/2010 4:15PM

    Congratulations on taking that first step. With your positive attitude and enthusiasm I'm sure you will be fit in no time.
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SUMMER0F75 5/24/2010 3:17PM

    Congratulations on your first day at the gym! I'm sure it will get easier and you will get fitter and fitter each time.

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MARCIE1455 5/24/2010 2:06PM

  Congratulations on surviving Day 1 at the Gym! I use to love gym workouts! It's so easy to get into a rut and quit. I am glad you are on your way back. I love your enthusiasm and outlook regarding crappy days. Keep up the good work. You have gotten me inspired!!!

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Very motivated today!

Friday, May 21, 2010

I did soooo much yesterday :) I went swimming in the morning which felt GREAT! Then joined a gym! Yay! I get to start that on Monday with a personal trainer session to set up a program for myself. I can't wait. Never done anything like this for myself and it's about time. Nervous about doing it by myself but I need to get over that too.
Then I got to play with my daughter all afternoon and we had soo much fun. She just started crawling! And I caught the first time on video! How often does THAT happen!?
Today we are going to clean the house, go for a walk before it rains and have lunch with my mom.
I also decided on a good Christmas gift to make for my family this year. I'm going to take some of our "family" recipes and re-make them into a healthier cookbook. Going to start on it soon and make it really nice. I think everyone will like it. I'm not the only one in the fam who wants to be healthier!

Overall, I'm just in a really good mood :) It's supposed to be in the upper 80's for the next week so it's going to be really hot and humid but now I have an airconditioned gym to work out it!

Everyone have a GREAT DAY!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMAAMIE 5/21/2010 10:59AM

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D_K455 5/21/2010 10:26AM

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