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JESSIMACUH's Recent Blog Entries

Seriously, F#@& 2012. On to a Happier 2013!

Friday, December 28, 2012

This year was a doozy.

Frustration with old job. New job. FIRED from new job. Unemployment. Major depressive episode. First ever antidepressant prescription. Frantic job search. Hurricane Sandy. Suffocating debt...

I did not take care of myself this year. I was not kind to myself. I didn't see the point of living, much less of fitness and proper nutrition.

After my doctor prescribed something to ease the anxiety and depression, I was able to see clearly enough to imagine shifting gears. A seasonal retail job and the upcoming excitement of returning to my old corporate job have lifted my spirits and enabled me to envision a brighter New Year.

Most importantly: I forgive myself. Clearly, I have made some poor choices and stumbles in addition to the curveballs thrown my way. I didn't cope well with the reality of my life this year. Still, I refuse to continue to kick myself while I'm down.

It's no secret to me or anyone who sees me that I have a weight problem. I've always been chubbier than I would have liked, but for about 5 years now I have been FAT. I topped my own previous highest weight this year, and fear the scale will have more bad news when I finally step on.

I was proud of the way I dealt with food through Thanksgiving, but this Christmas my eating was out of control. Even in the wake of being disgustingly full, I have continued to overeat to an almost comic degree. I feel bloated and flabbier than ever. I HATE the way my body feels, inside out.

With a return to the 9-to-5 world coming up on January 7, I look forward to not only a stable paycheck, but a stable routine. I'm already dreaming of waking early for a banana and some water, followed by some light cardio at the gym. I can't wait to dig into some wholesome oatmeal at my desk just before business hours--or the fruit and yogurt that will help me stave-off pre-lunch hunger.

For lunch, I will make my signature grab-and-go salads. I like to take 5 containers and prepare my salads for the week all at once--and I pack them with protein and flavor.

Grilled chicken strips, black beans, asparagus spears and romaine lettuce with a generous drizzle of flavorful chipotle dressing. My favorite!

The evenings are more difficult for me, diet-wise. I hope a habit of MORNING exercise will set me up to not "ruin the day" by overindulging later. It will also spare me the trouble of bargaining with myself to exercise if I'm tired after work. However, I hope to use Zumba classes or other fun activities (such as outdoor walks with a friend) to keep myself active, social and amused without spending money.

I can do this. I can lead a healthy life and keep the focus on what is most important: Being kind to myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEWISHBLOVE 12/31/2012 11:18AM

    I know firsthand that first feeling, the fog lifts around you.....

I love this blog, it's like you are saying much of what I want to say....

2013 is going to be a GREAT year!! emoticon

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GRATTECIELLA 12/28/2012 2:39AM

    I think that looking back and understanding why things have been rough is the first step to making a change. I love your enthusiasm and resolve. Just remind yourself of your steps to a healthier lifestyle, and rely on Spark for support -- and at the same time, if you do fall off the wagon, forgive yourself, be kind, and quickly get back on track. emoticon

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On Being Spread Too Thin

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Back in January I was making good progress in regular exercise. However, when I decided to tackle a full-time college schedule in between my full-time job, exercise was the first thing to go. Aside from (rarely) talking a leisurely walk, I cannot say I've really exercised since January.

I took the summer off from school and am still undecided about returning in the fall. In the meantime, today marks the first day I will resume serious exercise. I will also continue my virtual walk to Montreal, adding on to the miles I've already accumulated through prior exercise. I thought about starting my mileage count over, but that seems too discouraging! No, better to move forward from here, I believe.

I joined Weight Watchers online so that I would be able to use their food tracking application on my phone. In the beginning, I was remaining within my Points range and being mindful of the Healthy Checks, and the weight was coming off (even without exercise!) However, this was short lived and I've been full of excuses on why I shouldn't have to track, beginning with Fourth of July weekend and continuing through festivities all summer. But when does it end?! Starting today, I am drinking my water, eating my fruits, veggies and dairy products and tracking my Points.

I'm not entirely sure what it will take for me to finally commit to healthier habits long enough to lose enough to maintain a normal weight. For now, I'm trying my best and working on loving myself and being happy.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-POLEDANCEGIRL- 7/25/2011 9:25AM

    Being happy is #1!!! Take care of yourself. F/T college and work.... that is crazy!! I did it for 4 years.

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SHAWFAN 7/24/2011 3:06PM

    emoticonIt's important to love yourself and be happy. Hopefully the exercise will help all to both. Keep a positive attitude. That will get you through.

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Saturday 5k, Sunday Playlist, And Other Thoughts on Planning

Friday, January 28, 2011

While shuffling through my music on the treadmill today, I decided to commit to making a new exercise playlist for the coming week every Sunday. I also determined that Sunday will be my "off" day--no work, class or exercise--so that my mind and body can recover. I think it will be a great day for planning the music and the menu for the upcoming week to help me stay on track. Sunday will be my day to relax and primp to ensure I still look good (despite potential school-induced exhaustion!) and feel refreshed.

With classes starting tomorrow, I want to set myself up with a regimented routine of exercise and study. I plan on embarking on the Couch to 5K program (as best as I can at first) and walking/jogging for 5K on the treadmill every Saturday (which currently takes me about an hour). I still hope to participate in a 5K event in May, so I've got a long way to go to be physically ready for that.

I very badly want to build a morning exercise habit, but for the life of me I've not had the willpower yet. With my eyes firmly on the prize of making myself a better person all around, I'm aiming to exercise in the mornings, too (after settling in to the new semester), so that I will have a combo of 30 Day Shred or Yoga Booty Ballet and my walking/jogging in the evenings and on Saturday.

I KNOW my diet is a weak point, but I'm already mentally planning a feasible game plan for eating more healthfully. On the bright side, I'm about to get MUCH too busy for mindless eating -- with solid plans in place, I hope to completely avoid using fast food or other junk to fill my tummy on the go.

Virtual Walk Update
Miles in this update: 1.15
Miles total: 58.40
Miles to Montreal: 385
Miles to Go: 326.6


Challenges & Rewards: A Gameplan

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Lately, I've been very focused on small weight-loss goals. I keep aiming to lose just 5 or 10 lbs. to start, knowing that I want to ultimately lose a lot more. While I find great comfort in knowing that all the little bits of weight loss will add up to my ultimate goal, I also find it easy to fall off track. I end up losing and re-gaining the same few lbs. At one point, I was down TWENTY lbs. from my all-time high of 250. But a combination of the holidays and not trying left me at 243+ recently. Today, I weighed in at about 237+, which is an improvement, but it's disheartening to know that the next 7 lbs. are not bringing me closer to my goal than I was before. Why am I allowing myself to lose and re-lose the same few lbs., instead of losing MORE?

To help break the cycle, I've broken down my weight-loss hopes into manageable chunks and paired them with rewards and challenges. I want to reward myself to acknowledge my hard work, but also to continually challenge myself to push further.


Challenges & Rewards, By Weight Loss

230 lbs.
Down 20 lbs. from my highest!
CHALLENGE: No soda or junk food for 3 full days

229 lbs.
In the 220s again!
REWARD: Save $20 for myself

225 lbs.
CHALLENGE: 5 miles straight on the treadmill

220 lbs.
REWARD: Save $20 for myself

219 lbs.
In the 210s again!
CHALLENGE: No soda or junk food for 5 full days

210 lbs.
Down 40 lbs. from my highest!
REWARD: Manicure/pedicure

200 lbs.
CHALLENGE: 10K straight on treadmill

199 lbs.
MAJOR GOAL! Out of the 200s!
REWARD: Great haircut and a new pair of jeans

195 lbs.
CHALLENGE: Run 5K on treadmill

189 lbs.
REWARD: Save $25 for myself

185 lbs.
CHALLENGE: No soda or junk food for a full week!

179 lbs.
REWARD: Save $25 for myself

175 lbs.
CHALLENGE: Improve 1 mile time

165 lbs.
MAJOR GOAL! At this milestone I may choose to maintain--I plan on thinking about how I look and feel
REWARD: Save $25 for myself

159 lbs.
CHALLENGE: Run outdoors

150 lbs.
100 lbs. down!!!

145 lbs.

140 lbs.

135 lbs.
ULTIMATE GOAL! I often dream of being this weight


Since I've opted to go back to school in the evenings and weekends, I will be on a strict budget. Therefore, a bunch of my rewards are actually in the form of saving for bigger rewards... knowing that money is set aside especially to collect for a prize should serve as a great carrot-on-a-stick and remind me not to celebrate TOO much, because I'm not done yet!

I've also been thinking about giving myself some time-based Challenges & Rewards--fitness and diet goals for each week or month with little rewards if I complete them. But that's a blog for another time!

And without further ado, tonight's Virtual Walk Update. Still logging my miles to add up to a fantasy trip to Montreal!

Virtual Walk Update
Miles in this update: 1.25
Miles total: 57.25
Miles to Montreal: 385
Miles to Go: 327.75

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENN26POINT2 8/10/2011 12:46PM

    I was looking for some reward ideas/insight and I like how you laid this out. Great plan. How is it working so far??

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DANCNGRL 1/26/2011 9:23AM

    What a great plan! I actually found that 5 and 10 pound chunks were too big for me, so my goals are now 3 pounds at a time. I love that you are aiming to save for a bigger prize! Good luck with school.

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A Better Day

Monday, January 17, 2011

Today was a drastic improvement compared to yesterday! I tracked my food and water intake on SparkPeople, which is something I hate doing because I ALWAYS overeat. It's amazing how much writing it down can persuade me to stay within my calorie range and make healthier choices. I drank enough water, did not go for seconds, and ate ONE carefully chosen cookie.

I forced myself to finish up some errands at the mall, then walked the perimeter which is about a mile. I came home and still did two miles on the treadmill and stretched myself out.

All-in-all, it was a very successful day for me. But I still want to do better!

- I didn't eat breakfast
- I didn't eat enough veggies/fruit/milk products
- I didn't wake up early to exercise in the morning (I strongly want to switch my exercise routine to the morning so I don't fall off the wagon when I'm back in school in a few weeks)

I'm feeling good about my progress and motivated to keep pushing to be a better, healthier and more fit individual.

Virtual Walk Update
Miles in this update: 3
Miles total: 56
Miles to Montreal: 385
Miles to Go: 329!



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