Thursday, May 16, 2013
If you knew me you would not be surprised in the least that I have planned out my weight-loss for the next year and a half. I am a planner. I plan any and all aspects of life that are possible. I feel calm and relaxed when I have a plan, even if the plan changes, at least I had a plan to start from. Last weekend I decided to plan out my weight-loss goals. I used special dates coming up as goal dates and by the time I was done my time line was a year and a half away. Wow! That is a long way down the road...and just around the corner. I'm excited to take on these goals, brick by brick, until I reach every last one of them. My plan may change, as life seems to find ways to tell me I'm not in charge. LOL But, I will still plan... I plan to succeed!
My official weigh in day is Friday. Last Friday I weighed 248.5. My first goal is 240 by 6/8/13. This date is special because it is the day we will celebrate my sweet Grandma turning 100 years old! I love that lady, and I am so happy to celebrate her amazing life!
My second goal is 232 by 7/4/13. Fourth of July and Portland Blues Fest weekend! Woo hoo I hope I'm not singing the blues!
Next stop 220 by 8/17/13. A week at the lake boating with my hubby and two dogs. I will be so happy to make this goal and feel better swimming and playing with a healthier body.
On 9/12/13 I will turn 42, and my goal is to weigh 215. Best birthday present I could ever give myself!
203 by 10/31/13 sounds frightfully good to me!
We are heading to sunny Palm Springs for a week of swimming, golf, tennis and fun with friends at their RV Resort on 12/28/13...I plan to weigh 190...did you see that??? The number started with a ONE!!
For my ever loving, ever supportive hubby I plan to be at a healthy 180 by 2/14/14.
OK, this is my favorite goal of all...On 5/3/13 we are headed to my favorite place on this beautiful earth (that I've been to that is)...MAUI. I plan to do the hula at 168 pounds!
Here we are at another Fourth of July where I plan to celebrate my Country at 158 pounds. God Bless America!
OMG...I will be 43! On 9/12/14 I plan to be 145. This will be a real milestone, as I haven't seen this number in 15 years!
And finally, a year and a half from now, I plan to ring in the New Year on 12/31/14 at 130 pounds!
So there it is, my grand plan! All at once it seems daunting. But I will take each goal on it's own. I will conquer my goals brick by brick, pound by pound, day by day...and I will get there.
Thanks for listening Spark Peeps! This community, and your support are a BIG part of my plan!
Friday, May 10, 2013
This is one of the hardest weekends of the year for me. I was never blessed with children. I am not a mother. I do however, love my life, just the way it is. My life is full of family and friends, and I know I am blessed. But this weekend is hard...Sunday is hard. I have to totally skip looking at Facebook on Sunday because all of the posts and pictures of my friends proclaiming motherhood to be the ultimate life experience is really heartbreaking for me. I know I should be happy for them, but I find that I'm envious and hurt instead. So I'm going to stay home and plant my vegetable garden this Sunday, away from the restaurants and stores where everyone is wishing me a happy Mother's Day. Then Monday it will be behind me for another year. I know it's silly to get worked up over holiday. But good, bad or otherwise I have promised myself I would be truthful in my blogs. To get my feelings out before I bury them with food. I think this truth stuff really works. Thanks for listening Peeps!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
I have always been a positive person. There is rarely a time when a person will pass me and I will not have a smile on my face. I am a great cheerleader and friend. I believe that other people are worthy and deserving of praise and love. But here's what I have figured out...The one person who I should be the biggest cheerleader for and friend to (myself) is the one person who I don't believe is worthy of it. WOW! That realization was a real turning point for me. If I am truly honest with myself I know that if I am not perfect then I think I am falling short. I hate blaming my childhood, but I grew up thinking (and being told) that I didn't measure up. So here I am...my imperfect self. Emotional eating has been my crutch for as long as I can remember. When the hurt of not measuring up, or fear of not being perfect creeps in I have turned to food for comfort. The emotional eating has manifested into my obesity and given me even more reason to feel that I'm not good enough. I'm sorry for the babbling, but I am really just sorting through this as I type. I have known these things, but writing it down really does make it sink in.
I went a bit deeper in this blog then I intended. What I meant to get to is that I am taking things one day at a time. I really have learned that I am worth just as much as anyone else, and just as deserving of praise and love. I know that I am not perfect, and that I don't need to try to be perfect. I just need to be me. The caring, loving, funny, friendly me. So I will enjoy TODAY. I will do my best to make good choices for my mind, body and spirit TODAY. I will choose to love myself TODAY. And hopefully...God willing...I will get a chance to do it again tomorrow.
Take care Peeps, and thanks for listening.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I have been on (and off) SP for a year now. This morning I realized that I am back to exactly where I was a year ago. But really it's only my weight that is the same...the rest of me has changed. Now I drink water and prefer it over pop. Now I know how good it feels to exercise regularly and to eat right. And last but not least...a year later I know I am worth the fight, and I know I won't give up. I know that if I keep trying, if I keep striving, if I keep coming back, one day it will stick!
Friday, August 17, 2012
I haven't wanted to "dump" my stress on a blog. But I'm starting to think that is one of my biggest problems, not wanting to burden others with my feelings. But blogging is for me, right? This is to help ME through this journey. So here goes...
First stress - My brother-in-law has moved in with us, and will be here for a year. He is a custom home builder and with the economy has to take work where he can get it. He lives 2 hours from us in Bend Oregon, but since his recent divorce has sold his house in Bend. So here we are. I love my brother-in-law, but having him here is such a stress on my marriage. My husband and I rarely get the private time to talk that our relationship needs. So this is a stress...I want to help because he is family, but it's hard to give up my personal space and time with my husband.
Second stress - We have put our house up for sale. I can not even put into words how much I love my house. My brother-in-law, father-in-law and husband built it with their own hands 9 years ago, and it has felt like home since day one. 9 years ago, my husband and I both had different jobs. We made three times what we do now. It used to be easy to live here and feel good about it. But now it is just stressful figuring out how to keep all of the balls in the air. We both feel good about selling. We know we can keep going the way we are if it doesn't sell, but it would feel much better to downsize into something more manageable. So we've got our house on the market. That is a whole new story of stress and emotions.
Third stress- My 24 year old step-son is making horrible life choices and we don't know how to help. I honestly think he may be a pathological liar. I feel like my hands are tied and have to watch him spiral down. It breaks my heart for him and for my husband who loves him like only a parent can.
OK, I think that's enough for now. I'm crying and have to clean up the mascara and get to work. But these are good tears. I needed to get this out, and it's amazing how just typing it out can really help.
The moral of this story was supposed to be how I have been seeking comfort in food. I got so stressed and went into auto-pilot. I stopped taking care of myself. I don't know how to take care of my emotional needs, so I bury them in food. I guess that is probably the definition of addiction. I suppose it is good that I at least recognize it.
So let's end on a high note! I decided last weekend that enough was enough! I have been taking good care of myself all week and feel much better emotionally and physically. I have lost 5 1/2 pounds of the 10 pounds that I gained by stress eating and not exercising. I'm back on track for now...and will keep working at it until one day (hopefully) I stop falling off.
Thanks for listening!
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