JESSICAMONT32   9,904
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Lonely / cancer

Sunday, August 04, 2013

I haven't posted a blog in a while. Thinking maybe this might be a good outlet for me if I can possibly get motivated to keep posting. I am currently dealing with cancer treatment( I am very lucky that I can still work out and be active just not as active as once was) my therapy is in pill form. I have found through this journey just how lonely I am. My dearest friends have gone to the wayside . They claim that I need to be my self reliant and that they don't. Have time for me but they still want to stay in touch . I can't start to begin to state just how hurtful this is. I am counseling and my counseling has helped a lot with the sadness and anger I have over this.
I have a three year old daughter , she is my world , the sunshine in my life . I would say she and my running are the things that get me through my days and motivated to get up in the morning. My question is there anyone else out there that feels this way....that with a cancer diagnois that friends and family failed them. My husband focuses on working overtime all the time and when not that he is out playing volleyball three nights a week. I am just surprised and saddened, trying to learn to express my sadness and more healthy ways than in eating them. I am also trying to,learn to speak up and confront those who I feel like have hurt me. This is all huge for me, all the while dealing with the fact the come August 12th it will be two years that I was diagnosed with cancer. Thanks to anyone that reads this .....future post will be more positive I promise......yay to life , to toddlers who make things so colorful and wonderful :-)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RITASL 8/24/2013 9:46AM

    Oh dear,
I just came across your blog. How are you doing?
I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a year after moving to a new state, new town.
Through walking my dogs I met other dog walkers, neighbors, who became my support system. After a year of being in remission my cancer is back and I am in chemotherapy again. My neighbors stepped in while my husband rearranged his schedule to work from home during the week after my chemo when I need him most.
Please, those who abandoned you were no friends so do not grieve. Meet new people and stay positive. Staying positive is better for you while your body is fighting hard. Staying positive is better for your daughter who still needs you. Learn to pick your battles. You need your energy to fight the serious disease so do not spend it on things you have no control over.
I learned to enjoy every day. The morning sun, the kindness of a stranger, the phone call of a friend.
Stay positive. Stay strong. emoticon

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SLIMMERKIWI 8/18/2013 5:43AM

    I don't have cancer, but have experienced what you have regarding friends. I had a really bad car accident a few years ago. Apart from the physical injuries, which landed me in hospital for a week, I also suffered from extreme Depression. Friends seemed to avoid me like the plague. One asked how I was, when I saw her on the street. I started to tell her. Her response?? "Sorry I asked" and then walked off! Others I could see had seen me - their footsteps hurried up and they went the other side of the street.

This isn't how you treat a friend. I had thought that if I ever needed help it would be there for me, just I had been there for many MANY others over the years. How wrong I was :-(

My husband didn't know how to deal with it, so he shut off and at time would make nasty comments - but that was his way if he was frightened. He couldn't talk about it, and couldn't understand how something like what I had been through could affect me, because he had had bad accidents over the years, himself, and never suffered from depression. His comment to me "It didn't affect me like that SO IT SHOULDN'T AFFECT YOU LIKE THAT, EITHER!"

Anyway, my point in all this is that there is one person you can count on .... yourself. Be kind to yourself - love yourself like you love no other! You deserve it, and it isn't selfish.

Kris

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OBIESMOM2 8/5/2013 4:44PM

    emoticon emoticon

I agree - look for support groups in your area. If you don't find any close to you, visit some churches. Find one that you are comfortable in. Church families can be your very best friends when you are in need!

my brush with cancer was brief, but still very scary. I had very early stage melanoma (all clear since April of 2011) that required only surgery. I may not be the best about going to the doc, but I NEVER skip a dermatologist appt!

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TUDAFD 8/5/2013 4:34PM

    Have you tried a support group? I know there are several in our area. Sadly, friends will drop off. But, you will find your true friends and make new ones. Keeping you in my prayers.

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MJREIMERS 8/5/2013 3:49PM

    It's so sad that those around you aren't there for you! I have several friends that have had cancer or are still battling. It can be a very lonely struggle. However, you are blogging and now you can get the support that you deserve!

I'm glad that your daughter is helping you and your "recovery." Yes, toddlers can brighten the darkest of days. They just have such a sunny, curious nature about them. I loved that stage of development.

Hang in there and find support where you can. Some people can't handle watching others go through unpleasant times, but that's really not an excuse. You are in the right place now so keep blogging. The support you need is right here! emoticon

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LEN_VERSION32 8/4/2013 10:18PM

    You always have your sparkfriends! We are here for you!! "Vent" anytime!! emoticon

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KTISFOCUSED 8/4/2013 9:01PM

    I'm a survivor too and I so needed support and I am so sorry that you are not getting it from those that are closest to you. A support group might be good because then you are with others who are sharing a similar experience and will understand. I do agree that sometimes it is because people don't know what to say but unfortunately, sometimes it's because it's all about them and that's really selfish and sad. You deserve to be supported and I hope the support you are getting from those of us who read your blog helps just a little. You are strong and determined and a beautiful person, something that we all see. I will say a prayer for you for recovery, comfort and peace.

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68ANNE 8/4/2013 7:56PM

    It bothers me a lot that people are doing this to you. Of course we will be here for you. Even though I can't be there in person, I have you in my thoughts and will answer posts and blogs. This is a so very hard time for you and having to deal or not deal with these people is not helpful at all. You are strong and beautiful
emoticon

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SOULFULLORI 8/4/2013 5:06PM

    I am sorry you are dealing with this and do not feel you have the support you need. I do understand. 6 1/2 years ago I had a rare form of lymphoma with 2 weeks to live if treatment didn't quickly start to shrink the tumor. Obviously it did! LOL. However, I was in shock when my best friend completely stopped talking to me. This is someone I trusted for years. I also had issues with siblings saying things in anger such as "Lori does things like this for attention". LOL That was my favorite. I wish I had gone to therapy then. I did a few years later. You are smart for going now. Once you learn to be there for yourself by speaking up and making sure your basic needs are met you will find people that support you in this. Sadly this is how it works. You have to be completely there for yourself before others know how to be there for you. I don't know if you ever read Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements but this really made a difference in my perspective along with therapy. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and express them but don't believe they are reality. This sounds like a very hard time right now. I send you hugs, love and peace. You can do this.

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KNYAGENYA 8/4/2013 4:05PM

    I understand your feelings so well. I was diagnosed with cervical and ovarian cancer 3 years ago. I think people react in different ways because they don't know what to say. For me, most people don't want to talk about it. I was ok with it. You do find out who your real friends are though. I certainly did. Any true friend would not leave you on your own in your time of need. If you need anything I am an email away. It will get better. emoticon

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FLATSSS 8/4/2013 1:04PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon NOT WELL! TAKE CAREx.

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PATTISWIMMER 8/4/2013 11:26AM

    One more thing... a positive attitude helps... don't hold in that anger and hurt... let it go...... don't be disturbed by others... let it go... walk it off... that bad emotion feeds the cancer... emoticon emoticon

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PATTISWIMMER 8/4/2013 11:22AM

    I am one year 3 months with breast cancer... surgery and gave up on the chmotherapy and radiation before I started it.. I have had help from places unexpected and some friends totally unhelpful.....I am treating cancer with diet.... wish you the best.... emoticon emoticon

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ELMA1913 8/4/2013 11:15AM

    Thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts. It is not easy to be positive at all times, and sometimes we really do just need to write down how we REALLY feel.
I am sorry that your friends and husband can't understand that you really do need them right now. Most likely they just don't know what to say or do and are afraid of not saying the right things. And yes, it does hurt.
Toddlers can make you smile and laugh!
Hope you will start to feel better and that there will be a miracle for you. emoticon

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Been stuck

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Since the fall, I have noticed that for a couple months at a time my weight just stalls. Then suddenly I will drop three to four pounds. I am averaging under .5 lbs a week in weightloss . This frustrating because I work out six days a week and workout hard. I have recently upped my calories and decreased my excerise . Hoping that this will help. I have read that not enough recovery can stall weight loss. I hope this works , because I feel like throwing in the towel

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KTISFOCUSED 4/6/2013 7:51AM

    I do the same thing. It seems the more I exercise the slower I lose but yet I do think the small weight loss really shows a bigger improvement if that makes sense. So let's just keep keeping on. I read some of your earlier blogs and have to say for what you've been through, you are amazing! Just try to keep the balance. I think the endorphins from the exercise are very helpful for you but you don't want to get sidelined by an injury. I say just be kind to yourself and listen to your body and slowly you will make it to your goal. Bottom line: you are a courageous, strong woman who has been dealt some bad things and you have made it through!!

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PMRUNNER 3/18/2013 10:55AM

    Don't quit! Maybe easing off in the short term is good. Then you can refresh and get back at it. You can do it!

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JENSTRESS 3/18/2013 10:28AM

    The closer you get to a goal, the slower the weight comes off. I don't know how tall you are, so I can't tell you if your goal might be too low?

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68ANNE 3/17/2013 6:49PM

    It is very frustrating when everything stalls on your. Keep it up and you will get there!

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KKLENNERT809 3/17/2013 6:24PM

    Never give up!! You are trying something different and that is good. Keep adjusting your exercise and diet til you find what works. Even a half pound a week is good, slow weight loss is best. Sometimes just knowing that you are living a healthy lifestyle, it's enough for me some days. emoticon

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A slow process

Friday, February 15, 2013

I started my journey to finally beat the bulge ...last may. I was so uncomfortable in my 187 body. My daughter was just over two and I not lost a pound since her being born. I started doing p90x very modified. The weight the first few months was just flying off....but as I got more active and started running again I noticed it slow down and then finally come to a stop. What I realized is that the more you active you are does not mean that the weight will come off quicker, actually I have found that is stalls for me. Though for some that may not be a issue. Anyone that knows me well, which these days I don't I feel like I have many people that do, knows that I struggle with keeping things in moderation. I have been known to run through broken toes, sprained ankles and hip pain...but what I have finally started understanding is tht weightless is about what I put in my mouth and how much....beating myself up at the gym is not the idea. When I say beat myself up, I am known for working out so heard that I barely have enough energy for the ret of the day.

From this day on. Feb 15 2013 I vow to myself that I will not do this to myself...it will be a struggle not to purge this way but I am tired of feeling this excess need to burn 700,800 or more calories a day....I will conquer this, just like I have done other challenges In my life......

  
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DLDROST 2/15/2013 10:31AM

  emoticon

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wondering if i am doing this right

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Feeling stressed tonight because i fear that i am actually over eating for my calorie needs, though my settings say to eat 1980 calories as a the min for me because i am so active. However i am just finding my weightloss to be so slow. I understand that slow is better but on nights like tonight were i fear i have over done it, its hard to believe. i am going to trust the process and hopefully this time next week I can report back that I have dropped a little weight.....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FATBASTICH 11/30/2012 6:36PM

    don't stress, and yes trust. it takes time. you can do it.

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JSTETSER 11/30/2012 6:13AM

    Don't get stressed! Just keep working the program. Things have a way of working themselves out.
Eat less if you think you should.

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MEDHOPEFUL777 11/29/2012 7:31PM

    Sometimes I don't trust my recommended calorie intake either. My suggestion is to do the math yourself and compare to what they recommend. Calculate your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) on this site http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-c
alculator. BMR is the basic amount of calories your body needs to daily functions of living like thinking and breathing. Then multiply your BMR by 1.2 if you are sedentary, 1.375 if lightly active, 1.55 if moderately active, 1.725 if very active and 1.9 if extremely active. To be extremely active you need to do 1-2 hrs of exercise 6-7 days/wk and for extremely active you need to be in a profession that requires physical labor daily (so most people even if they exercise a lot would only be as high has moderately active at most). After you have multiplied this out you know the number of calories your body needs to maintain your current weight. Subtract 500 calories from this to find how many calories to eat per day to lose 1lbs per week or subtract 1000 to find the amount to lose 2lbs per week. I hope this helps! My recommended value was a little off once I did the calculations :)

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heading out of town for two weeks

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

On friday we are heading out of town for two weeks. We need to attend to some family buisness in IN and i am a little nervous how i am going to handle being away from home and sticking to my eating plan.
My goal is to walk everyday and do weightlifting every other day. I am also bringing my laptop so i can sign on here and do some of the videos that is offered. I also have some videos to bring. i am going to stay postive that I will not over indulge. This will be a true test of the knowledge i have gained in the last 6 weeks.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLATSSS 8/4/2013 1:09PM

  emoticon

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APROUDWANNABE 8/30/2012 5:17PM

    Travel safe! emoticon Just take it all one moment at a time, and you're going to do just fine. emoticon

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MALIAN1 8/30/2012 10:34AM

    You CAN do it!

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