JESPAH   190,882
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JESPAH's Recent Blog Entries

I Wish I Was in Tijuana, Eating Barbecued Iguana

Monday, July 01, 2013

Today's song kinda reflects how I feel right now. It's hot and sticky here and that makes everything feel weird, moving too fast and it is a distinctly unpleasant lack of control.

Maybe I'm just dehydrated. I am gulping down water (no, I'm not a diabetic or a prediabetic; it's just hot here) but hey, whatever, anything's possible right now. Maybe I'll put today's Greek yogurt into the freezer.

Tip - lime yogurt is as icky and weird as it sounds, even if it's Greek and even if it's frozen. Don't buy three, like I did. Although if I added gin ....?

'Course I'm not going to do that.

Anyway, life here in jespah land is overly hot and stressful. I am looking more intently for work. Got my last pay check today. Yes, I have been laid off. Just another bit o' fun. I'll be fine, we will be fine, etc.

I'm just kinda tired of doing that sort of thing.

Then again, the heat is making even short trips to put a dish in the sink seem like they should be Everest-worthy.

I has a tired. I has a stress.

I wonder how many calories are in barbecued iguana.

Enjoy Wall of Voodoo.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 7/3/2013 12:56PM

    Very weird weather here too...not so hot, but the humidity has been absolutely tropical. It finally stopped raining long enough for me to finish mowing the lawn last night and I was as soaked afterward as if I had done in in a! A nice cool soak in the tub straightened me around... :-)


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LULUBELLE65 7/2/2013 2:28PM

    OMG, I love that song! Haven't thought about it in years.

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TEMPEST272002 7/2/2013 1:20PM

    C'mon, lime greek yogurt is my favourite flavour! lol Not sure of the calorie count in iguana...

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ADARKARA 7/2/2013 8:16AM

    emoticon It's not super hot here but it's HUMID and everything is sticky and gross. I shower in the morning and take a cool bath at night and feel gross when I wake up!

Hope the job search goes well!

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PHEBESS 7/2/2013 3:28AM

    I could use some of that heat, we're SO COLD on the east coast of Australia!

UGH to being laid off, but I'm sure something will come up!

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DOGLADY13 7/1/2013 9:17PM

    I'm going to be humming that song for a week - not a bad thing. I really like Mexican Radio alot.

Did you get the tornado warning out your way today? Talk about weird weather.

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BLUEANGELLK 7/1/2013 4:22PM

    Be sure to turn the Mexican Radio up and dance after your iguana. Hang in there!!

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MS.ELENI 7/1/2013 2:28PM

    barbecued iguana??? emoticon emoticon

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DMPRIDER 7/1/2013 2:21PM

    It seems totally inadequate to say "I hope things get better and less stressful soon" but I do hope so. I also hope the weather breaks and it gets cooler soon too. Hang in there.

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Grey Light

Monday, June 24, 2013

I live so much of my life online that it's odd for things to be confined too much to the offline world. I am not the kind of person who tweets about every mouthful, every workout, every visit, every heartache, every triumph, ever breaking of wind. But I do find comfort in others online, and intelligence and simpatico that I often do not find locally.

And then when that avenue is shut off, or turns vague, it's difficult. But what can ya do?

So - imagine - a life without Spark - where your struggles are quiet or are closeted. And you wonder if anyone thinks or feels the way you do, and whether anyone understands.

Imagine and then remember that it is here. Things are far better than they were even ten years ago. You don't have to go running off to scheduled Weight Watcher's meetings - unless you want to. You don't need to loudly declare your dieting in order to get someone to take back your toast at the diner and bring it back dry this time because that's how you ordered it. You don't need to be the fat girl at the gym if you don't want to, and can work out at home, or slap on ear buds and go out walking with a thousand other people and nobody bats an eye.

Things are good now, they're better, and I bet they'll only become better as we go.

Can't wait for what the future holds.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCKY8GAL 6/29/2013 9:01PM

    I love all the support you get from SparkPeople. Great for us shy folks. emoticon

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DOGLADY13 6/27/2013 10:25PM

    I never, ever, ever would go to a WW meeting. Ugh. I am so grateful for SP.


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CAROLISCIOUS 6/26/2013 9:01PM


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MARCHMAIDME 6/26/2013 5:47AM

    Yup. I check in for these reasons and so as not to keep bugging my friends. ; )

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DDOORN 6/25/2013 10:46PM

    Yes, thank goodness for our SparkFamily!

It IS real cool though, when possible, to take the Spark offline and catch up with each other for *real*... :-)


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PHEBESS 6/24/2013 9:25PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

So right! (I even hosted a virtual party on SP, LOL - it was fun!)

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    Good message as always.

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MS.ELENI 6/24/2013 12:34PM

    Things are much better and I would be very unhappy without my spark pals etc.

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JANET552 6/24/2013 10:44AM

    You list great reasons to be on-line. I sometimes think I spend too much time on the computer but I still get out and about so, who's to decide what is too much?!

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TEMPEST272002 6/24/2013 10:28AM

    Easy access to information and on-line support make all the difference, don't they? Sometimes I am nostalgic for the days before computers - I miss the slower pace. Most of the time, I'm still in awe of the internet and what it's brought to my life. I love that I have friends all over the world & that they care about me even if we've never met.

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If This is Paradise, I Wish I Had a Lawnmower

Monday, June 17, 2013

It is another massive allergy day, and it might end up being a big-time allergy week.

But I will go out anyway, and walk, and clear my head.

Well, sorta.

There will be pollen.

Lots and lots of pollen.

I think cardio should count more if you're sneezing. Who's with me?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDICANE 6/19/2013 10:57PM

    Me too! I count all that sneezing and blowing as cardio...don't you??????????


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SUSIEMT 6/19/2013 3:22PM

    Oh! My friend! If only it would count as cardio! LOL

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GAYLLYNNE 6/18/2013 7:02AM

    LOL - why not!!! Good luck with those allergies. I see friends suffering and I know how hard it is!

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CAROLISCIOUS 6/17/2013 9:20PM

    I agree!

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OLIVIANIGHT 6/17/2013 2:57PM

    Oh absolutely, all those ab contractions!

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DOGLADY13 6/17/2013 2:50PM

    This used to be real estate
Now it's only fields and streams
Where? Where has it gone?
Now, it's nothing but flowers.

I love that song. I love the Talking Heads.

We're getting thunderstorms tonight. That should help with the pollen.

I find that a spoonful of local honey does wonders to soothe my throat when the pollen gets the best of me.

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DDOORN 6/17/2013 2:48PM

    Agreed! Except for me it's dust mites and one never can predict when my allergies will rear their head despite my!


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PAQTEQ 6/17/2013 2:31PM

    If it was paradise, you wouldn't have allergies. :)

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MS.ELENI 6/17/2013 1:41PM

    If I could I would. emoticon emoticon

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BLUEANGELLK 6/17/2013 1:21PM

    I agree. I think if you can't breathe cardio should count double! I am right with you!

Maybe sneezing is sort of an ab crunch workout of sorts. We are going to have to look into this in more depth

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CDCSMITH2013 6/17/2013 1:02PM

    Especially sneezing fits that are 10+ at a time. That has to be a calorie burn of some sort. I've pulled mescles in a sneezing fit. They have to be worth something. ;)

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Everybody Seems to Wonder

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

For all of us who have done this, seemingly, forever, I got news for you.

You have to continue. There is no end point, no stopping point. There is no part where you say, "Okay, I'm done! I can go back to lazy days and lazy eating. I can head on over to the Cheesecake Factory every other day and I can stop working out and drinking the water and everything's gonna be GREAT!"


It. Does. Not. Work. Like. That.

Every day, you wake up, you have a chance. And every day, you can decide.

Salad or cake?
Water or soda?
Walk or drive?
Weight training or watch TV?
Herbs or salt?
Homemade or processed?
Measured or estimated?
Home-cooked or dining out?

And we don't always pick the former, and that's actually okay. That's life and it happens and you're allowed to zig instead of zag at times. After all, a fully rigid life is frustrating and boring, and it can smell an awful lot like deprivation. And the more deprived you feel, the more you'll be willing to cheat and then, well, then that's where the real trouble starts.

But those zigs shouldn't overwhelm and overtake and bypss the zags. They should not turn into your life, with the healthy happenings becoming rare.

It needs to be the other way around, where the healthy happenings are the norm, and the mess-ups and the doings of something naughty are rare.

Wouldn't it be interesting, if we turned it all on its head?

What would happen if we couldn't wait to stop doing those naughty things?

Sheesh, another dinner out? I can't wait to get back to my home cooking!
More salt? I can't wait to get back to cilantro!
Soda again? Cripes, I can't wait to get back to drinking water!
TV? Yawn. I really want to get back to weight training!

We talk about making good choices and creating good habits. Let's not sabotage that with thoughts that there is an end point, and a finish line, other than the absolute end of our days.

This is for good.

This is for life.

This is for a good life.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDICANE 6/19/2013 11:00PM

    This is a great blog! Yep, I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooo happy to choose the former! I love water! I love to cook! I love to make healthy, on-plan choices!

It HAS to be forever b/c I don't have another 50 lb weight loss in me....


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DDOORN 6/17/2013 10:21AM

    Amen! Thank you for your eloquent exclamation mark to this point! :-)


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UNICORN212 6/12/2013 12:37AM

    Great blog. I had a can of Pepsi the other day - it had been sitting in our fridge for the longest time. It was actually just past the expiration date. So, to put it out of its misery, rather than throw it out, I drank it. It was my first one in a long, long time. And I probably will not bother with another one. Back to water and unsweetened tea....

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SHAPESHIFTER09 6/12/2013 12:22AM

    This is fantastic (well, aside from the cilantro part ;))

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TEMPEST272002 6/11/2013 11:35PM

    Absolutely!!!! Say it like it is!

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DMPRIDER 6/11/2013 11:00PM

    You are so right that it's about all the little choices. I beg to differ though on strength training vs. watching TV. I like to strength train at the gym, but if I'm working out at home for some reason, I sometimes do my strength training with the TV on. There's no rule that TV time must be spent sitting on the couch! LOL

I find that the more I eat healthy and home made the more often restaurant food just tastes way too salty to me. And I far prefer water over soda. Some other choices are much harder though. It's lifelong choices and habits, that's for sure!

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PHEBESS 6/11/2013 10:42PM

    As a friend said, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

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LUCKY8GAL 6/11/2013 9:37PM

    Great Blog! I hear ya emoticon

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CAROLISCIOUS 6/11/2013 8:43PM

    Yano...I do feel that way...excited to get back to it after a break. '

Great blog!

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QUAIL75 6/11/2013 2:29PM

    Thanks! I needed this today!

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MS.ELENI 6/11/2013 11:51AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLUEANGELLK 6/11/2013 11:25AM

    Thanks. I really needed to hear this. It is all about the little choices we make moment by moment, not necessarily about the momentous proclamations we make.

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Speak to Me

Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Oops, I'm a day late with the blog. Ah, well. In repentance, I offer you Natalie Merchant, and a song that isn't played enough.

So - what's new in the world o' jes? Little versus last week. Life was very weather-driven, as it suddenly got hot and so outdoor activities were curtailed and modified. And I was reminded, once again, of how things have changed. It used to be that a couple of 90 degree days would wipe me out so thoroughly that all I could do was nap. I would move from kitchen to bathroom to bedroom (and the only one of those three rooms with air conditioning was the bedroom), like a zombie. Even with air conditioning in the computer room, I would inevitably find myself heavy-lidded and zonked out by 2.

And as for any sort of exercise, well, I wasn't doing that anyway. The heat was simply yet another excuse.

Things are different now.

It's funny.

I have regained about 80 pounds, no lie. Maintenance is incredibly, unbelievably hard. And lest you think I am near what I was when I started, the truth is, I am not - am still 100 pounds off that. Yeah, I was that huge.

But even with a wicked regain, my life is still transformed. Even hot weather doesn't completely stop everything, and grind life to a completely screeching halt. Even that is not enough to stop me.

Do I want to be lighter again? I would like for things to be easier - I won't deny that. But I am happy to be active, and to be doing more than I had been.

Don't let anyone tell you that maintenance is a picnic. It is anything but that.


I want to face it, and its challenges, clear-eyed and without fear, and to continue to do so. No matter where it takes me. Speak to me, and tell me of your tales of it, too, and we will face it clear-eyed.

And fearlessly.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 6/7/2013 11:03AM

    Maintenance is an incredible challenge...absolutely SO with you in your struggles!

During my time with our SparkFamily I managed to get to my all-time adult low of 200 a few years back. Since then I've crept up to 255 earlier this year in January. Some might say 55 pounds is *CREEPING*?!? But yes, for me that is what it has felt like. I've been clawing my way back down the scale and am 240 now. Cycling season has me ACUTELY aware of my extra baggage...the hills, oh the HILLS!

But I'm not bailing on me, on you, on our SparkFamily! If we're gonna live then let's LIVE!

Viva la SPARK! :-)


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    Wow that 80 came back so fast! A powerful message. i remember when you were at your lowest and your fabulous photos. I think it is brave of you to face up to your gain and to tell us about the struggle to maintain. I have a long way to go to get to maintenance. I guess this is not something that we can achieve and then call it a day. This was a very important message for me to hear. Thank you.

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TEMPEST272002 6/5/2013 3:43PM

    Alright, I'll do it. I'll be clear-eyed with you. I was once size 26/28, then I got down to size 8 & now I'm a 14/16. Like you, I truly appreciate how "able" I am at this weight... and also feel frustration at myself for having regained so much weight... and still feel hopeful that I can learn how to maintain a healthy lifestyle. My current goals include: pushing myself to get up and break a sweat every single freaking day & to be real with myself when I'm deciding what to eat. We already know that every good choice counts & so does everyone poor one. The trick, I think, is to consistently make more healthy choices than unhealthy ones.

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DOGLADY13 6/4/2013 9:27PM

    I have never met goal weight. Alas. However I have never regained to the point that I am back at 200. Right now I am losing the 10 pounds I gained over the winter with regular, hard exercise and tracking food. It's hard and it's a lifetime journey. We'll get there, all of us, together. We will get there.

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MS.ELENI 6/4/2013 10:45AM

    I have heard many people say that mantenance was harder than losing the weight. I am sure you will lose weight again. emoticon

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PHEBESS 6/4/2013 10:38AM

    I can SO relate - I'm probably about 10 (maybe 15?) lbs more than my lowest post-Spark - and I truly should lose another 40-50 beyond that. But I can't seem to get below a certain point, and it's so easy to say oh hey it's a plateau, I can't do anything about it, that cookie won't matter anyway.

I'm hoping our travelling will help - I do a lot more walking when in new places (without a car), and I eat what I want when I want, so I actually eat less. I think.

Jeans still fit about the same, though.

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WADINGMOOSE 6/4/2013 10:03AM

    Love your post. I'm stuck in a rut of losing and regaining the same 5-10 pounds right now and it's a little frustrating. For some reason I start making great progress and then I sabotage myself. I think I need to step away from the scale and just focus on how great I feel when I eat right and exercise. The scale isn't my friend :)

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IFDEEVARUNS2 6/4/2013 9:58AM

    emoticon Love the attitude! I can SO relate.

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