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Let's Have a Mini-Surrender

Monday, July 16, 2012



www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWgEhQfMQGc

I have been dragging myself around for days, weeks, it feels like months although I know, intellectually, it has not been quite that long.

It is HOT.

Now, the real definition of a heat wave is three consecutive days of 90+ temperatures. For those of you who use the Metric System, 90+ degrees is M*F'in' HOT.

It has not, for the most part, technically been heat waves (although I think we might hit one this week. We also had one when this nonsense started, back in mid-June). But it has been over 80, 85 most days, and it has been humid. The air is like thick, plain oatmeal. You can stand a spoon in it.

And so, of course, what did I do last weekend?

Heh, I ran my 30th 5K.

The time was godawful; the third-worst time I have ever had. I am also heavier than I have ever been for a 5K. As in, when you compare to the lightest I was for a race, I am 56.8 pounds more.

Yeah.

Egad.

Funny thing is, I don't look huge.

Now, I don't say I look skinny by any means, but I don't look like I'm in love with the buffet at Denny's, either. This was how I was in Junior High, and High School, and into much of college and Law School. Densely packed. A surprise inside, perhaps, like a fortune cookie, eh?

A big part of that is strength training. I see people lifting 5 and 10 pound weights and I am supportive, yanno, but I last lifted a 10 pound weight for a workout back when I was recovering from abdominal surgery. Back in '10.

What do I lift now?

45 pounds, folks.

Why that amount?

Well, the thing of it is, any higher and I start to leave the realm of hand weights and hit the realm of big honkin' barbells. And I don't have the room or the budget for same.

When I was doing the gym, I was lifting more. But the gym is also not in the cards right now. Too much of a cash sink right now. I just can't justify it in the budget, even if I live there.

So I take my preexisting iPod and hand canteen that I won in the after-race raffle after one of my 5Ks, and wear my sneaks and my shades and a Red Sox cap and a tee or a halter top and cargo shorts and little New Balance socks and I go out there into the fiber-rich miasma that is Boston and I swim past the people who are panting as they barely move from air conditioned house to air conditioned car to air conditioned office to air conditioned restaurant to air conditioned gym (maybe) and then, eventually, back to air conditioned house.

I go out there and I do it. I am s...l...o...w in the heat, but that's to be expected. I also only do somewhat short stints. It's generally 30 minutes or so, rather than the usual 80 (no wonder I've gained weight). At home there is a fat free yogurt and a 90-calorie fiber bar that I have stowed in the freezer and will make my fillings rattle and will, hopefully, cool me down a bit.

And then tomorrow I get to do it all over again.

And I say "uncle" to no one. Not to those who look at a woman who weighs nearly 230 and cluck and disapprove and wonder why I'm not hidden away somewhere. Not to those who think it's too hot to do ANYTHING, because even one small thing is something. Not to those who just do the air conditioner glide from house to car to office and around, almost as if they were in one large, temperature-controlled human Habitrail.

But I am getting awfully tired of the heat.

So, heatwave and near-heatwave gods? Let's have a mini-surrender, mmmkay? Otherwise I'll need to go out and buy more halter tops, and I am not so sure my public is ready for that yet.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALERIEMAHA 7/23/2012 8:00PM

    You be damned impressive, grrl!!! (Totally out of the loop on blogs, sorrie.)
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Puny Maha

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 7/21/2012 8:19PM

    Great blog. How did I almost miss it? Maybe cause it is so *******hot? I did not realize you lifted so much weight either. Or made it out for a run even in this kind of heat. Kudos to you Kiddo!

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BESEVEN 7/19/2012 3:12AM

    emoticonLove this post! You have the best attitude ever! emoticon

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DOKEYOKEY 7/17/2012 10:14PM

    Way to go with stamina, determination, and just plain old strength!
Kathleen

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DDOORN 7/17/2012 8:43AM

    Slow & steady wins the race, no...? :-)

Good for you to stick with it. Even though we've had our spells here in upstate NY a couple weeks ago while at our family reunion I was "treated" to the mid-West blast furnace where it was 94 freakin' degrees at 9 pm...! It was surreal to step out into the dark and WHOOSH!

I beat the heat by cycling first thing in the a.m. and would leave the hotel on my bike at 7, bike the 25 miles to my parent's place, have breakfast and bike back to the hotel. This heat is something else...almost eerie. It feels like a whole new sea change is afoot, where a/c is no longer a frill but a matter of life and death.

Don

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TELERIE 7/17/2012 6:41AM

    I could send over some cooler temp and a bit of our rain... emoticon
You're such an inspiration, J! I'm going to think about you next time I'm trying to sneak out of a workout.

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CAROLISCIOUS 7/16/2012 7:49PM

    Verra admirable...
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MALCONTENTION 7/16/2012 4:47PM

    Good for you! I got out on my bike this morning and it was actually pretty darned nice.

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GUITARWOMAN 7/16/2012 4:19PM

    45 pounds?

I got up to 6 pound dumbells before I had to pull back to 4 after my surgery.

You rock!

Even in southern Ontario, it is still pretty hot. I am walking a bit outside (can't treadmill because of my foot) and I go out really early in the morning to avoid the worst of the heat.

Stay cool!


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MS.ELENI 7/16/2012 3:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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QUAIL75 7/16/2012 3:52PM

    emoticon It's so awesome the heat isn't slowing you down! I live in Boston too and dang, it's been hot. I normally walk to the gym after work but I've been taking the bus so I don't arrive in a puddle of sweat and heat exhaustion.

Cooler temperatures are coming this week, hopefully.



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WV_JIM 7/16/2012 1:03PM

    As a 40 year resident of the great state of Alaska who now lives in West by God Virginia, I completely empathize with your heat wave blues. We had a real heat wave AND our AC broke. It isn't as hot now but you can swim without getting in the water because it is so muggy.

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CRYSTALLULLABY 7/16/2012 1:03PM

  emoticon

I completely understand!! (The heat, being heavier than previous times running, but still not giving up because I know that I'm stronger and that's what counts.)

Here's to you and what you need to have a fabulous week!
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SEXBOBOMB 7/16/2012 12:33PM

    Holy crap, 45 pounds?!?!?!

You ROCK!
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And I do agree, we all need a break from this heat. Saturday, I ran in 100% humidity, people. In Atlanta. And it's just July!

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We Know the Game and We're Gonna Play It

Monday, July 09, 2012



www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

The pic is silly, and so is the song.

I am in a less than serious mood. I've been serious for far too long!

Perhaps the heat is finally really getting to me. I dunno.

But in the meantime, fun is kinda the point, now, isn't it? Sure, we have a lot of extremely serious reasons for doing what we do.

We want to be healthy. We want to live longer. We want to see grandchildren grow up. Etc. etc. etc. yadda yadda yadda.

We also want to look good (or at least better) in swimsuits. We want to look good nekkid - and have more fun while nekkid. We want to have people look at us and smile. We want to fit into the seats at baseball games and on roller coasters, and walk through haunted houses straight and not sideways, and dance without shaking the paint off the walls (unless we really want to).

All of these are perfectly legitimate and wonderful reasons. They all work. They are all good.

Me, today, my reason is to be able to wear this pair of shorts I've got on without my thighs rubbing together so much that the inner legs stop riding up.

Yep - there's my big motivation today.

Oh, and if you start up the music - you're gonna get Rickrolled. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DMPRIDER 7/9/2012 10:59PM

    You got to go with the motivation where you find it!

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CAROLISCIOUS 7/9/2012 9:01PM

    I have a thread on my little team called "What's your Why?"

I post my silly reasons why I do this...
eg..."because I love it when hubby tells me my a$$ looks good"
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I've tried to get my team members to join me, but I've had very few takers. It IS fun and I love your motivation for today!

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 7/9/2012 8:50PM

    That pup looks like Silly Milly only blue. Maybe I will dye her instead of easter eggs next year? Howz dat for silly.

Those are great reasons to be here doing this. Your blogs are too.

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LALMEIDA 7/9/2012 8:44PM

  Cute dog! My thing today was to get some more packed boxes up to my new home and unpacked. My husband and I are moving next week. emoticon

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MS.ELENI 7/9/2012 12:15PM

    My thing for today is just to get up and walk to another room and back every 30 minutes.

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PHEBESS 7/9/2012 10:37AM

    I like the blue dog!

And my motivation for getting/staying healthy and fit is to have more fun for further into old age!

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SEXBOBOMB 7/9/2012 9:40AM

    I actually, oddly, enjoy the random Rickroll -- thanks for the AM smile!
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WELLNESSME09 7/9/2012 8:25AM

    All great reasons to emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DLDROST 7/9/2012 7:48AM

  emoticon

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Stop Apologizing for the Things You've Never Done

Monday, July 02, 2012



www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfpRm-p7qlY

This picture is actually from April. These were apology flowers from gal who, while walking past my house, decided to pick one of my irises (thereby harming the plant) and take it home with her. I had caught her, told her that the flower actually belongs to someone, etc. She came around a few hours later with flowers. Which was, all told, rather nice of her (and my husband and I accepted her apology). A lot of people would have just blown off the crazy woman and walked a different way for a few months, hoping that said crazy woman did not have a shotgun and/or a long memory.

I have the latter, not the former.

Anyway - I keep seeing this, over and over again, all over the place, and not just on Spark.

Sorry I can't hang out, I have to run. Sorry I'm not eating your dessert. Sorry I'm not drinking with you. Sorry I'm not just gonna watch TV. Sorry I'm not who you thought I was before. Sorry I'm not maintaining how big I am, and am striving to get better.

Egad, when did we become such an apologetic culture?

Sure, we are trying to be kind and polite and all of that. And we all have to live here in the world. And if apologizing makes it possible for us to get out and run, or pass on that piece of pie, or decline the alcohol or whatever, then perhaps we should do that.

It's whatever it takes, right?

Right?

Wellllll, .... kinda.

See, I think when you apologize that much, and you hide behind it and you make excuses and you sort of giggle without conviction and minimize it - "Oh, this old thing in a size 6?" or "Oh, I ran a 5K, but it's really not a big thing." or "Yes, I drink a lot of water but boy do I pay for it!" or "I cook most of my meals, but it's really because I'm watching my pennies or my husband likes it or I like to stay in (as opposed to: I'm doing this because it's healthier)" or "I strength train but, really, I'm no body builder" - EGAD - WHAT ARE YA DOIN' TO YOURSELF?

You are putting yourself down.

You are minimizing your efforts.

You are putting something else in front of what you need to do.

You aren't believing in it.

You aren't invested in it fully.

And it's easy to look at it and think, "This isn't normal living. Normal living is hanging around and watching TV and having beer instead of water when out and good Lord who runs 5Ks?" and "I can't wait to be done with all of this calorie counting, strength training, water drinking, cooking, exercising business so I can return to my couch and my Doritos!"

But this is a seductive lie.

It's just like the fake apology.

You have lied to others that you are sorry, or that it's not a big deal.

NO

It *IS* a big deal.

It is the BIGGEST deal ever, for you.

Quit acting like it's nothing, like it's no biggie. Even if you've gotten used to it, don't forget how much effort was required to go beyond the initial inertia. How tough it was to roll that boulder up the hill for the first time.

I am not saying that you suddenly become rude to people. I am not suggesting that an occasional little white lie is out of the question, 24/7/365, when sometimes it just smooths the way and gets you where you need to go. I am not saying that you need to become arrogant and selfish.

What I am saying, instead is - people admire you for what you're doing. Say "Thank you." Not "Oh, it's no big deal."

Because it IS a big deal.

And when they say, "Do you want pie?" Your answer is, "No, thank you." It's not a litany of excuses. It is not apologies. It is three little words. No more!

And when they say, "Oh, you run 5Ks?" Your answer is, "Yes, do you want to join me?" or "Yes, they're fun." or "Yes, my next one is in two weeks." or "Once I've completely rehabbed my knee, I'll get back to them." It is not, "Oh, well, it's nothing compared to marathoners." It is less than what marathoners do; that much is true. But don't diminish it. Don't say it's nothing. It is NOT nothing.

And when they say, "Why aren't you drinking tonight?" Your answer is, "I'm the designated driver." or "Too many carbs. Maybe next time, when I've got space in my eating plan." or "I'm happy having water tonight." It isn't "Oh, that looks good. But I'm being a martyr and missing out." 'Cause yanno something? That beer tastes like the beer you had last week or last month or last year. They don't go around changing the formula or anything.

And there's a thousand other scenarios but the bottom line is - you are doing SOMETHING. And you are doing something BIG. Don't tamp it down and hide it in a small box and pretend it's tiny and insignificant.

And for God's sake, don't be sorry about it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BMYOWN 7/24/2012 9:12PM

    I. LOVE. IT. Man, I am so behind on your blogs, to MY Loss. I always do the blog thing en masse 'cause I'm so lackadaisical about checking on them each day (or each week, even) and then I run around and grab 'em all at once. LOL But you are 100% right, I need to take a clue. I've spent going on 59 years doing nothing BUT apologizing and minimizing. Really trying to stop that now, sometimes I do better than others but at least I'm making a li'l bit o' progress. Thank you for posting this!

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VALERIEMAHA 7/23/2012 8:03PM

    PREACH IT! I SO loved this and need to practice it!
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Maha

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TEENY_BIKINI 7/8/2012 4:01PM

    "I have the latter, not the former." LOL. You go girl! And what an EXCELLENT blog. I agree with the sentiment. It really is something I had to teach myself, but not apologizing one's life away is a lesson well worth learning.

I am glad that girl did the "right" thing, by holding herself accountable. I also love that you called her out.

Go on with your feisty self :)

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KIMPAINTS 7/4/2012 7:52PM

    Love it!!! Great blog...Life is good, I so needed to hear this..

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DDOORN 7/4/2012 11:49AM

    It's a slippery slope down and before long I know I can get so ENTRENCHED in that negative self-talk and forget all about how to put myself up front and center! It all starts with those little put-downs like your examples. It's tricky to catch ourselves and make some changes in this kind of talk, but we all are SO WORTH IT! :-)

Don

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NVDONNA 7/4/2012 1:26AM

    So true. I do tend to apologize a lot. I hate to hurt people's feelings and I don't take compliments well. Good blog, and reminds me I have things to work on.

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SHEKIRK 7/3/2012 3:53PM

    Wow! Jespah this was wonderful. I feel I need to print it out and hang it on my refrigerator, my wall at work, and keep a copy in my pocketbook!!
You are a fabulous writer!!

And of course, your Boston is magnificent!!

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 7/3/2012 6:01AM

    Whew. You are so right. And when I think about it apologizing like this is wierd. Common, but wierd.

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DMPRIDER 7/3/2012 12:05AM

    Thanks Jes. This is a really good point. I especially like your point about how apologizing and minimizing accomplishments is some how linked to the idea that eventually you go back to what is "normal" for everyone else. Seductive lies indeed.

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CAROLISCIOUS 7/2/2012 8:06PM

    I'm not there yet, but I'm getting better about being proud of my accomplishments and not being afraid or ashamed to put my needs first. For example, I don't have to eat a special treat that someone spontaneously decides to bring to work. And, furthermore, I don't have to apologise or make excuses for my decision. I didn't ASK them to bring in a special treat, right?

As usual, well written, JES!

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1STATEOFDENIAL 7/2/2012 7:29PM

    One thing I've noticed is that people who get trampled on apologize a lot because they don't want to accidentally cause harm to anyone else. Whereas those who do the trampling will not apologize because they think they're better and entitled. It's a difference of sympathy and empathy versus disillusioned egotistical people.

Those of us who apologize in all the ways you stated, or are like me and apologize when others hurt us because we don't want them to feel bad, we need to learn more self-worth and be proud of our accomplishments.

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BESEVEN 7/2/2012 3:49PM

    AWESOME blog! I do this stuff all the time. You are so right!

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ANNE1123 7/2/2012 1:07PM

    Very well put! Thanks for the blog post and the dog pictures are adorable!

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FLY0NTHEWAL1 7/2/2012 12:29PM

    I'm SO tired of the look on people's faces when I tell them that I'm not drinking because there are too many calories. I'd rather eat food, k? That, and the assumption that I can't possibly have as good a time if I'm not drinking too. Someone has to make sure every one gets home in one piece. LOL

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GUITARWOMAN 7/2/2012 12:10PM

    A very thoughtful blog.

Here in Canada, we do apologize a lot. Heck, if someone accidently jostles us, we apoloigize to them!

I do find that as I am further along in my healthy journey (and older, hey, you do get some leeway for what you say when you are getting older, yes?) that I am not arrogant or forceful, but I tell the truth.

If someome offers me the old high calorie high fat treat at work, I will say no thanks, I cannot maintain the weight I am at now if I eat that kind of food. And I do talk about my exercising, often putting it in a humorous context--hey, if I can walk, or lift weights, so can you.

But managing others' expectations is sometimes difficult and I think you have got the right attitude!


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SEXBOBOMB 7/2/2012 11:39AM

    Guilty as charged, to all of it -- to the Seductive Lie, to minimizing accomplishments. Hell, I was nearly too embarrassed to tell my 35-mile-a-week runner SIL that I'd started running because I can "only" run 4-minutes intervals right now. Like that somehow makes me less of a "real" runner.

I think that this faux modesty is bred into us as women, and as fat people, with the understanding that we are somehow, by definition, "less than" -- and it's hard to break out of that mold.

It takes a conscious effort to stop apologizing for our own existences -- because make no mistake, that's what we're doing whether we realize it or not.

The world is *not* owed an apology for the fact that we continue to breathe and thrive and walk the earth. Quite often, it's the other way around.

Thanks for this thought-provoking blog, Jes!
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CHEETARA79 7/2/2012 11:07AM

    Another awesome blog! I'm going to take your advice this weekend. Greg and I are going to PTown and I'm going to see my bff. I haven't seen him in over a year. When/if he compliments me on my weight loss, I won't say , "Thanks but I'm still obese." like I was planning. I'll just say "thanks" and I won't minimize my efforts because it's been damn hard to drop 57 pounds even if I am still obese!

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MS.ELENI 7/2/2012 10:50AM

    Always good blogs emoticon

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KASEYCOFF 7/2/2012 10:50AM

    I think women are more prone to this than men - and yes, we tend to belittle our own accomplishments, tho I dunno whether it's from a somewhat-misguided sense of humility ('It's not polite to brag') or because we figure it's better if we do it ourselves before someone else takes the wind out of our sails ('You ran a 5K? Oh, wait'll you do a full marathon - I've run three this year... so far... I remember when I was a newbie like you...').
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p.s. And it occurs to me - I do feel apologetic about the things I've never done: I've never learned to swim... never run a marathon... never worn a size 6... never gotten a degree... well, you get the idea, lol!

Comment edited on: 7/2/2012 10:51:47 AM

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DESERTDREAMERS 7/2/2012 10:46AM

    True, true, true. I'm sorry I'm not being more articulate ... emoticon

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VICKI2705 7/2/2012 10:38AM

    Well said.

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COWGIRLUPINOK 7/2/2012 10:36AM

    I so agree. I must admit that I am an apology person. I learned it as a child..and I continue to do it as an adult. I apologize for breathing it seems sometimes.

I certainly need to realize that I don't owe anyone an apology for taking care of myself!

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The Oceans and Pangea, See Ya Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya

Monday, June 25, 2012



www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwYZGT4ZAf8

Last week was skeery hot. And while it is cooler here, the humidity does not seem to have let up much. The air is like oatmeal.

It's got fiber in it.

Anyway - aside from a phone screen and a lovely mammogram, my main activity of the week was going to the Red Sox game on the 20th. This was utterly unexpected - someone at Mr. j's office had tickets he was giving away. We sat on the left-field line.

And it was HOT.

Not just hot, but HOT.

Now, I love baseball, and I love the Red Sox and I love Fenway Park. Plus they shellacked Miami and we saw David Ortiz hit a grand slam.

This was all excellent.

Except that, at about 9:50 PM, I checked the temperature by opening up my phone.

And it was still 95 degrees.

Boo, hiss, we left early. Neither of us had ever done that before, but there really wasn't any point in watching them continue the shellacking (when we left, it was 13 - 4. The final score was 15 - 5) as we wilted.

But - despite the monster heat and all of that, there is a connection to this journey, you see. And the connection is the seats.

The seats at Fenway are narrow. Even in the newer sections, they are pretty damned small.

And you can always tell who's too big for Fenway. Those people, regardless of what's happening on the field, they are perched, seemingly expectantly, on the edge of their seats. But it's not home runs or pitchers' duels that keep them from only using 10% of the real estate they have paid for. Rather, they are only using that much because their hips do not fit.

Back in 2006, we went for the first time. And this was about three months before I said "Enough is enough!" and started losing weight. I was easily at my highest, so that's 346 pounds.

I was one of the perchers then.

I loved the game and loved the experience. Hated perching. Hated feeling that the park was not for me. Hated feeling like I was almost an imposter, there because somehow, despite my bulk, I had sneaked in.

But no longer.

I may fret these days about maintenance regain. And believe me, I do. But I no longer feel out of place there.

We'll return later in the summer, for my birthday.

Go Sox, and go YOU.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BMYOWN 6/30/2012 5:29AM

    So how freaking cool is that??? Isn't it funny, tho, the things that turn out to be milestones that you just never even thought to factor in when you first began this journey? Mine was the steering wheel of the car and the day I noticed for the first time that I not only FIT behind the wheel, but had to move the seat up to REACH it. Did the happy dance over that one for a day or two, for sure. LOL You GO, girl, congrats on not being a 'percher' anymore!

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CAROLISCIOUS 6/26/2012 6:58PM

    Glad you are no longer a "percher!"

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MALCONTENTION 6/26/2012 1:30PM

    emoticon

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 6/26/2012 6:26AM

    Nice blog. Really nice. Sox magic more fully enjoyed as a just reward.

So sad about Youk. I hate change.

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BESEVEN 6/25/2012 11:42PM

    emoticon

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DOGLADY13 6/25/2012 7:24PM

    I've lived in MA for 15 years and THIS is the year I'm going to see the Sox play at Fenway.

No kidding. Last week was brutal.

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MS.ELENI 6/25/2012 12:56PM

    Except for heat it sounds like you had a good time.

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DDOORN 6/25/2012 10:52AM

    Finally some blessed relief around here for some super cycling over the weekend...mid-80's, but not so humid...perfect! :-)

Even cooler today!

Don

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2WHEELEDSHARON 6/25/2012 8:53AM

    And go YOU!
I don't miss air like oatmeal. I'll try to blow some air from our 50 degree mornings, which feel like iced coffee:-)

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I Was Sure to Find Myself

Monday, June 18, 2012



www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NWjehpGSO0&
ob=av2e


Well, for those of you who were keeping track of this stuff at home, I batted a thousand on all three jobs.

And ... they went as follows.

The one I really wanted, that one was through a recruiter. He pushed for an early decision, mainly as the Hiring Manager wanted someone in for the first of July. And that's just not gonna happen if the decision is much later than, well, today.

I was sent over, as was another woman. She had rather different experience from me; this was done deliberately as the recruiter really had no idea how the Hiring Manager was going to go.

Anyway, long story short, I was the superior candidate in every way.

And I wasn't hired.

Why?

'Cause I reiterated my answers too much.

Huh?

Am I boring you? Is that it?

Sheesh.

I don't recall repeating myself on more than one thing. Seriously. And this came from a Hiring Manager who told me the same story about not finding parking. Twice.

C'mon, man!

At some point, it becomes Absurdist Theatre.

Then I called the other two jobs. The job I wanted the least (high cachet place, but lousy pay) at least wrote to me, telling me that I didn't get it. Um, okay. Thanks for telling me.

After I removed every tooth in your head to get you to tell me.

The other place didn't even have THAT much courtesy.

They just never called or wrote back. Hence I wrote them off, on Friday the 15th.

And yanno something?

I felt better than I had in weeks.

It had been dragging me down. It had HURT. It had bewildered me.

Now I just see it as Absurdist Theatre. And that's somewhat freeing.

Now, I like to work. I truly do. This is one of the reasons why I am working like a dog on my father's website. I enjoy being productive. I am one of those people who has trouble just hanging out poolside, unless I am either reading or sleeping (sleeping is productive, people!). Doing absolutely nothing tends to not suit me.

Yet I am out of work more than, and more often than, pretty much everyone I know.

I am not dumb. I am not uneducated. I am not just sitting around waiting for jobs to come to me. I clean up well. I am not a fool in interviews (the reiteration thing, truly, is beyond the pale).

In the past, when I've had stalled job searches, I've gone to school. But no school exists for this. Or, at least, for less than a good 3 grand (no lie) in tuition, and there is no certification at the end of that rainbow. Cripes! I'd rather pay 2 months' worth of my mortgage. Silly me! I want a house to live in! How insane am I???

And so, gentle reader, this crap continues.

It's a bit like a stalled weight loss program. You try this, that and the other thing. You try things that seem to make no sense. You ask for advice. You don't ask for advice. You wonder what the hell you did wrong, what kind of karmic debt you owe, and to whom. You ponder whether it'll ever happen again.

Yet of course it'll happen again. Life is not over. There is no need to just up and give up.

The same is true of both.

Reiteration? SERIOUSLY? Are you s****ing me??? You, sir, do not want to hire ANYONE.

Welcome to Absurdist Theatre.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STRINGS58 6/23/2012 6:50PM

    Aren't you glad you aren't hired into that theater?? When I got out of grad school I wasn't finding work and I needed work to start my post-grad internship. Well, when I got hired, I looked back at all the jobs I didn't get, and I realized that I wouldn't be happy in any of them.

Keep digging for the job that fits you best, and makes you happy. Keep busy because you like to work. (I worked on the house and yard) Enjoy each day, job or not. When you do get that right job it will be so much better than absurdist theater managers . . .

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2BMYOWN 6/20/2012 2:16PM

    I have to admit, your post on Ddoorn's page piqued my interest because I'm also looking for work and to be honest (and I hope this doesn't sound mean-spirited because that is NOT my intent AT ALL) it actually kind of encouraged me to know there are other people in the same position, even tho I do read the headlines and I know there ARE a lot of people in this boat....but by the same token, nobody I'm actually acquainted with in any way, if you get my drift. It's a helluva battle, isn't it? And employers' manners have really gone by the wayside, if my own experiences are any indication. It's been more than a bit discouraging, trying to find work at the age that I am now, and despite any qualifications I may or may not have. It's left me feeling like a used up and totally worthless UN-commodity, in today's workforce. And I know that a lot of it is age-related, despite protestations to the contrary. That is most certainly alive and thriving, even tho it's never ***spoken of*** because it is not the 'politically correct' (or legal) thing to do, of course. I just want to wish you well on your search in hopes you find something that you really like. I would be happy for just a minimum wage gig, at this point. LOL But I really like your attitude about it, I could take a clue. After putting in app after app after app, and only managing to snag temporary employment over the past few months, I'm to the point where I don't really wanna go out of the house because it feels like such an ego-crusher when I do venture out and it kinda gets hard to get your hopes dashed on a daily basis, and to be seriously downgraded when you DO manage to find even a temporary job, for pete's sake. I've kind of had it with humanity as a whole here lately. LOL Best wishes in your search and here's hoping the universe will be kind to us both, at some point.......

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THECITYMOUSE 6/19/2012 8:05AM

    Yanno....I can kind of relate.....I showed property to a couple for almost two weeks...drove up and down this effing sandbar showing them houses....burned up two tanks of fossil fuel...then crickets are chirping. They drove back to New Yawk with not so much as an effing "thank you for your time but we ain't buyin'!" No returned phone calls, not even the dignity of a "yeah, we ain't buyin'" email, nuthin'. Just crickets chirping. I wrote them off last night, picked up my 20#'s. If you let it, it can really get you down. Glad that's not the case with you.
emoticon

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 6/19/2012 7:24AM

    PS, Cute pict

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 6/19/2012 7:24AM

    Ugh. Frustrating and disappointing. I love that you ran a race the night of one of these turndowns. That's what I call a good spirt. I also think it was interesting that after what sounded like such a long dry period you got 3 interviews in a row. Seems like the economy is turning around in your neck of the woods. I hope you keep at it and don't lose heart. Just like weight loss. That is a very interesting parallel that you draw. Gotta think about that some more.

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CAROLISCIOUS 6/18/2012 9:00PM

    Comedy Theater=Mr. Hiring Manger not finding his car at the end of the day...

BWAHAHAHAHA!

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NIKKILEEG 6/18/2012 6:14PM

    It is a weird world these days. Good luck as you continue searching for a job. As Ms. Eleni said - a better one is waiting for you!

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DDOORN 6/18/2012 3:52PM

    Ugh! SO sorry to hear the struggle continues! All things considered, it sounds like you are taking this a whole lot better than *I* would...!

One foot ahead of the other...!

Don

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MS.ELENI 6/18/2012 11:09AM

    It wasn't meant to be. A better job is just around the corner. emoticon emoticon

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