Monday, July 30, 2012
Lately, the clock has been moving way, way, WAY too fast.
I feel like I'm running in place in order to be behind, if that makes any sense.
Part of it is the heat. Part of it is just plain ole garden-variety boredom. I've been doing the same old, same old for so long that I'm just affected with fifty shades of ennui.
Another part of it is, because of said boredom, I am overbooked with all sorts of little time killers, time wasters, time scrubbers, time eaters, time smashers, and they are doing it to me, big time.
This morning - because it's a Monday - here's what I have done so far (it's 11 something AM here).
* Lifted weights
* Walked for 85 minutes
* This blog
* Added stories to two different fic sites
* eight 8-oz glasses of water
* toured around three sites where I do community management
* talked to a recruiter
* applied for a job (unrelated to said recruiter)
* weighed in at Spark, recorded food and exercise
* email in two different accounts
* managed the RSVPs coming in (I'm planning a partay for my own 50th birthday, so there's stuff to keep organized)
* managed my fantasy baseball team (I'm in 4th place)
* took a look at the teams as they are shaping up for fantasy football
* made sure there were no comments to be moderated for my blog or my father's blog
Once I am done with this here blog, I still have Facebook and Twitter to look at.
Plus somewhere in there I have actual work to do for a place where I do community management and also some mild marketing stuff (this is online research).
Yes, folks, it's hard work being unemployed.
Now, I am well aware that most of this junk will be swept away when I begin actually working again. And I am often more nutty about such things than I need to be. I mean, is the world going to fall apart if I don't play Scrabble online one day? Not really.
And of course some things are more of a priority than others. The exercise. The food tracking. The water drinking. The job search. The work for the people who are paying me a pittance but wish they could pay me more.
I know where the lines are drawn between fun and obligations. But I don't mind blurring them on occasion. The work for the pittance people is, for the most part, kinda fun. Walking is fun. Blogging is, too.
Otherwise, I mean, sheesh - why do it at all?
Monday, July 23, 2012
I am spending much of the day indoors, yet again. The heat broke, but the relief was all too brief. We are back to air like hockey pucks. Hence I walked at 6:30 or so. It's done, that much is all well and good.
Back to other things, but the siren song of social media keeps calling me and it's screaming loud in my ear and it's like a nest full of baby birds and it won't SHADDAP ALREADY!!!
From Facebook to Twitter to my two regular blogs to writing to here and back again, around and around I go. And it's like wishing for something better, half the time or perhaps more frequently than that. I swear it's not just that we, as a culture, have short attention spans. I believe we also, again as a culture, are conditioned to, more or less all the time, covet something better.
Now, this is not necessarily such an awful thing. After all, striving for something better is why we're here, yes? We lift one more pound of weight, walk one more mile, do one more rep, drink one more cup of water. We leave it all out there on the field.
There are two fraternal twin impulses in life - Laziness and Covetousness. They are deeply ingrained in our genome. Laziness means we don't expend too much energy when we are starving, and we conserve. Covetousness means we try to get better. These sins - if you can call them that - they might just redeem us, eh?
Monday, July 16, 2012
I have been dragging myself around for days, weeks, it feels like months although I know, intellectually, it has not been quite that long.
It is HOT.
Now, the real definition of a heat wave is three consecutive days of 90+ temperatures. For those of you who use the Metric System, 90+ degrees is M*F'in' HOT.
It has not, for the most part, technically been heat waves (although I think we might hit one this week. We also had one when this nonsense started, back in mid-June). But it has been over 80, 85 most days, and it has been humid. The air is like thick, plain oatmeal. You can stand a spoon in it.
And so, of course, what did I do last weekend?
Heh, I ran my 30th 5K.
The time was godawful; the third-worst time I have ever had. I am also heavier than I have ever been for a 5K. As in, when you compare to the lightest I was for a race, I am 56.8 pounds more.
Funny thing is, I don't look huge.
Now, I don't say I look skinny by any means, but I don't look like I'm in love with the buffet at Denny's, either. This was how I was in Junior High, and High School, and into much of college and Law School. Densely packed. A surprise inside, perhaps, like a fortune cookie, eh?
A big part of that is strength training. I see people lifting 5 and 10 pound weights and I am supportive, yanno, but I last lifted a 10 pound weight for a workout back when I was recovering from abdominal surgery. Back in '10.
What do I lift now?
45 pounds, folks.
Why that amount?
Well, the thing of it is, any higher and I start to leave the realm of hand weights and hit the realm of big honkin' barbells. And I don't have the room or the budget for same.
When I was doing the gym, I was lifting more. But the gym is also not in the cards right now. Too much of a cash sink right now. I just can't justify it in the budget, even if I live there.
So I take my preexisting iPod and hand canteen that I won in the after-race raffle after one of my 5Ks, and wear my sneaks and my shades and a Red Sox cap and a tee or a halter top and cargo shorts and little New Balance socks and I go out there into the fiber-rich miasma that is Boston and I swim past the people who are panting as they barely move from air conditioned house to air conditioned car to air conditioned office to air conditioned restaurant to air conditioned gym (maybe) and then, eventually, back to air conditioned house.
I go out there and I do it. I am s...l...o...w in the heat, but that's to be expected. I also only do somewhat short stints. It's generally 30 minutes or so, rather than the usual 80 (no wonder I've gained weight). At home there is a fat free yogurt and a 90-calorie fiber bar that I have stowed in the freezer and will make my fillings rattle and will, hopefully, cool me down a bit.
And then tomorrow I get to do it all over again.
And I say "uncle" to no one. Not to those who look at a woman who weighs nearly 230 and cluck and disapprove and wonder why I'm not hidden away somewhere. Not to those who think it's too hot to do ANYTHING, because even one small thing is something. Not to those who just do the air conditioner glide from house to car to office and around, almost as if they were in one large, temperature-controlled human Habitrail.
But I am getting awfully tired of the heat.
So, heatwave and near-heatwave gods? Let's have a mini-surrender, mmmkay? Otherwise I'll need to go out and buy more halter tops, and I am not so sure my public is ready for that yet.
Monday, July 09, 2012
The pic is silly, and so is the song.
I am in a less than serious mood. I've been serious for far too long!
Perhaps the heat is finally really getting to me. I dunno.
But in the meantime, fun is kinda the point, now, isn't it? Sure, we have a lot of extremely serious reasons for doing what we do.
We want to be healthy. We want to live longer. We want to see grandchildren grow up. Etc. etc. etc. yadda yadda yadda.
We also want to look good (or at least better) in swimsuits. We want to look good nekkid - and have more fun while nekkid. We want to have people look at us and smile. We want to fit into the seats at baseball games and on roller coasters, and walk through haunted houses straight and not sideways, and dance without shaking the paint off the walls (unless we really want to).
All of these are perfectly legitimate and wonderful reasons. They all work. They are all good.
Me, today, my reason is to be able to wear this pair of shorts I've got on without my thighs rubbing together so much that the inner legs stop riding up.
Yep - there's my big motivation today.
Oh, and if you start up the music - you're gonna get Rickrolled. :)
Monday, July 02, 2012
This picture is actually from April. These were apology flowers from gal who, while walking past my house, decided to pick one of my irises (thereby harming the plant) and take it home with her. I had caught her, told her that the flower actually belongs to someone, etc. She came around a few hours later with flowers. Which was, all told, rather nice of her (and my husband and I accepted her apology). A lot of people would have just blown off the crazy woman and walked a different way for a few months, hoping that said crazy woman did not have a shotgun and/or a long memory.
I have the latter, not the former.
Anyway - I keep seeing this, over and over again, all over the place, and not just on Spark.
Sorry I can't hang out, I have to run. Sorry I'm not eating your dessert. Sorry I'm not drinking with you. Sorry I'm not just gonna watch TV. Sorry I'm not who you thought I was before. Sorry I'm not maintaining how big I am, and am striving to get better.
Egad, when did we become such an apologetic culture?
Sure, we are trying to be kind and polite and all of that. And we all have to live here in the world. And if apologizing makes it possible for us to get out and run, or pass on that piece of pie, or decline the alcohol or whatever, then perhaps we should do that.
It's whatever it takes, right?
Wellllll, .... kinda.
See, I think when you apologize that much, and you hide behind it and you make excuses and you sort of giggle without conviction and minimize it - "Oh, this old thing in a size 6?" or "Oh, I ran a 5K, but it's really not a big thing." or "Yes, I drink a lot of water but boy do I pay for it!" or "I cook most of my meals, but it's really because I'm watching my pennies or my husband likes it or I like to stay in (as opposed to: I'm doing this because it's healthier)" or "I strength train but, really, I'm no body builder" - EGAD - WHAT ARE YA DOIN' TO YOURSELF?
You are putting yourself down.
You are minimizing your efforts.
You are putting something else in front of what you need to do.
You aren't believing in it.
You aren't invested in it fully.
And it's easy to look at it and think, "This isn't normal living. Normal living is hanging around and watching TV and having beer instead of water when out and good Lord who runs 5Ks?" and "I can't wait to be done with all of this calorie counting, strength training, water drinking, cooking, exercising business so I can return to my couch and my Doritos!"
But this is a seductive lie.
It's just like the fake apology.
You have lied to others that you are sorry, or that it's not a big deal.
It *IS* a big deal.
It is the BIGGEST deal ever, for you.
Quit acting like it's nothing, like it's no biggie. Even if you've gotten used to it, don't forget how much effort was required to go beyond the initial inertia. How tough it was to roll that boulder up the hill for the first time.
I am not saying that you suddenly become rude to people. I am not suggesting that an occasional little white lie is out of the question, 24/7/365, when sometimes it just smooths the way and gets you where you need to go. I am not saying that you need to become arrogant and selfish.
What I am saying, instead is - people admire you for what you're doing. Say "Thank you." Not "Oh, it's no big deal."
Because it IS a big deal.
And when they say, "Do you want pie?" Your answer is, "No, thank you." It's not a litany of excuses. It is not apologies. It is three little words. No more!
And when they say, "Oh, you run 5Ks?" Your answer is, "Yes, do you want to join me?" or "Yes, they're fun." or "Yes, my next one is in two weeks." or "Once I've completely rehabbed my knee, I'll get back to them." It is not, "Oh, well, it's nothing compared to marathoners." It is less than what marathoners do; that much is true. But don't diminish it. Don't say it's nothing. It is NOT nothing.
And when they say, "Why aren't you drinking tonight?" Your answer is, "I'm the designated driver." or "Too many carbs. Maybe next time, when I've got space in my eating plan." or "I'm happy having water tonight." It isn't "Oh, that looks good. But I'm being a martyr and missing out." 'Cause yanno something? That beer tastes like the beer you had last week or last month or last year. They don't go around changing the formula or anything.
And there's a thousand other scenarios but the bottom line is - you are doing SOMETHING. And you are doing something BIG. Don't tamp it down and hide it in a small box and pretend it's tiny and insignificant.
And for God's sake, don't be sorry about it.
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