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I'm Going to Kick Until I Need New Shoes

Monday, March 26, 2012

Last week's photograph was from the start of the first 5K of the year. This photograph is from that same race's end.

Funny, how perspectives can change.

Last week, I was complaining about gaining 4.2 pounds, due to excess salt intake.

This week, I celebrate losing 6.26 pounds and going down to a tie for the lowest weight of this year so far.

I did it with, well, the same stuff I normally do, except I didn't go quite so silly with the salt. Salt is kind of a double-edged sword for me, as I need to get some in, in order to keep from feeling faint so often (I have low blood pressure. Very low. As in, the nurse checks her instruments low.). But of course with too much I have the same issues that anyone else does - I retain water.

Ah, a balance.

They are so difficult to find sometimes, eh?

And then I see the extremes, too, where I see the woman who was 346. And the one who was, perhaps, below 180 (hard to say if that was real as the scale was on the fritz). The stationary one of last week's photo. The one running all-out in this week's photo.

Who IS that?

And I am reminded that both are me, and that creating one persona, one face, one name, one life, one being, one look, one feel, one idea is wrong-headed, for we are many people. We are dieters and exercisers, to be sure, or we are trying to be. But we are also workers and lovers and artists and neighbors and businesspeople and children and sometimes parents and sometimes siblings and poets and mourners and mischief-makers and writers and photographers and philosophers and social networkers and patients and jokers and spectators and chefs and sometimes soldiers and freaks and animal lovers and fans and and and ....

And we are someone's painful reminder of what they can never have, or can never be. And we are another's amusing joke of how they will never allow themselves to become that way or cannot imagine themselves ever being there. We are someone's "you're going too fast" and someone else's "you're going too slow". We are someone's hero and someone else's villain or weakling.

I am not a fast runner. Photo notwithstanding, I do very little of the all-out stuff. I just plain don't have the stamina for it. I am s...l...o...w.

But yanno something? I figure, next time I fret about how slow I am, I just gotta remember how many people I am carrying around inside of me. And you are, too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 3/28/2012 7:53AM

    You know, I used to swim every day - and it took me a half hour to swim a half mile, or I'd do a full mile (one hour) on Saturday.

And it bothered me, all these people zooming past me, swimming quickly.

Then I realized, NONE of them swam for an hour. They'd come and go in 20 minutes or so.

Then I also realized - those of us without speed have ENDURANCE!!!!!!! We're in it for the long haul. And seriously, other than being chased by a marauding buffalo or lion or something, how often do we need speed???? We need to be strong and have endurance, not so much speed - right?

So keep on running slowly! You're getting stronger, you're getting healthier - and that's what this is all about!

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TELERIE 3/27/2012 1:54PM

    You're my hero! Among many other things. Friend, mischief-maker, sister, and and and...

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ABURRIS2 3/27/2012 11:09AM

    Great picture! Timely reminder. Thanks. ~ann

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DDOORN 3/27/2012 8:45AM

    Always a joy to hear from you Jes...! May your Sparks fly far and bright for many, many years!


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    Oh how glad I am to have met you here. You nailed it again. Love from your fellow mischief maker.

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CAROLISCIOUS 3/26/2012 9:47PM

    Slow is better than not at all! Awesome photo!

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STRINGS58 3/26/2012 6:40PM

    I loved the pic -- determination plus AND doin' it!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon May you carry all those people in you to greater and greater "feel good" parties together!
emoticon emoticon

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2WHEELEDSHARON 3/26/2012 6:03PM

    Hey, thanks for this. I've been putting a lot of weird pressure on myself to be someone different, but I forgot that I already am! emoticon

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BUTRFLY_FREEDOM 3/26/2012 3:29PM


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MS.ELENI 3/26/2012 2:45PM

    Slow beats nothing. I think you do awesome emoticon

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FLPALM 3/26/2012 2:23PM

    I love the "comparisons" of ALL THE PEOPLE WE ARE! So true! And I also love the comment from REJ7777,

"When you're running s...l...o...w, remember that no matter how slow you go, you're trumping everyone who's sitting on the couch!"

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REJ7777 3/26/2012 2:12PM

    Great reflection! We do play many roles, some of which even seem contradictory to one another.

When you're running s...l...o...w, remember that no matter how slow you go, you're trumping everyone who's sitting on the couch! (I read that on Spark somewhere.)

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I'm Tighter than Airport Security Teams

Monday, March 19, 2012

The photo is from the first 5K of the year, which my husband and I (and 4,998 other people) ran yesterday in Somerville, Massachusetts. It was my 26th 5K (and I think it was Mr. j's 23rd).


I am still a bit tired, albeit not too sore.

My time was pretty decent for the first race of the year - under 50 minutes for the gun time. Chip time was 46:23. See:

But when we were done, I ate like a horse.

Like a salt-addicted horse, I tell ya!

And so, after having run a 5K, I actually gained 4.2 pounds.

Yeah, folks, exercise is not enough to cut it.

It is a balancing act. And it can be an exhausting one.

Now, I am well aware that if I drink the water, do my workouts, stay within calorie and nutrient ranges and don't go nuts with salt this week, most if not all of it will be gone by next Monday.

Still, it's a kick in the patoot, to see just how damaging it all is when you slip up AND to see, and admit, just how addicted I really am.

It's a difficult addiction, yanno? I mean, it's not heroin or anything like that. But to be addicted - and in particular to be addicted to something that the body actually needs, so that going cold turkey is impossible - is hard.

And it's not just salt that's addicting. Negative self-talk can be as well.

After all, I ran a freakin' 5K! My 26th! Sheesh, jes, get a dang grip!

It's a small setback. It is not controlling. It is not me, it is not the future, it is not my fate, it is not the end of the world.

Eh, I'm probably just tired and projecting.

I ran a dang 5K.

I'll be fine in a week. ;)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PICKIE98 3/20/2012 3:55PM

    Sometimes when I REALLY crave something salty, I go the opposite way and eat sweet,, like a huge apple.. or an orange or banana.. fresh strawberries fill me up when I wash them down with water that I am too full to want anything salty. Adding salt free peanut butter to hang down the protein, also helps..

I think you did a great job, but hit the nail on the head about self-talk..
you're cool, you're frisky, you're stylin'!! JUST SAY NO TO NEGATIVITY!!!!!!!!!!

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VALERIEMAHA 3/20/2012 12:21PM


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2WHEELEDSHARON 3/20/2012 11:11AM

    Awesome job, 5k Star! It's quite an accomplishment.
That darn balance and moderation; the everlasting challenge!

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CAROLISCIOUS 3/19/2012 9:21PM

    I gain 2-3 pounds every weekend. If I get right back to the plan on Monday, by Friday it's gone...and usually a bit more with it. Congrats on yet another 5K...just so awesome!

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AUNTIEA1959 3/19/2012 4:29PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MS.ELENI 3/19/2012 1:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You did awesome. You should be so proud of yourself

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    Glad you said it. Some foods are addictive. And for some of us just eating anything is addictive. And we can't just go cold turkey.

PS On Saturday I saw your post about the planned 5K and it inspired me to go for a 4 mile walk yesterday. Just so you know, sometimes we get inspiration from people who don't even know they are having a positive effect.

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DMPRIDER 3/19/2012 11:49AM

    I hear ya. It is difficult and tiring.


You ran a 5K! Way to go! :)

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FLPALM 3/19/2012 11:31AM

    I give you so much credit for running! Me, still not on my agenda! So WTG! And don't worry about the water weight.....all normal!

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 3/19/2012 10:38AM

    Yup, you can gain a LOT of water weight just from salt. I went on a pickle binge a few weeks ago and gained 9.5% of my weight in water. That's 16 lbs. In two days.
The worst part was simultaneously feeling like I needed to pee and being thirsty all the time. And that weird metallic taste in my mouth.

And exercising while the bloat was on was exhausting. Excruciating even. Because the entire 1:45 on the elliptical felt the way the first 20 minute warmup does. It was a slog. LOL

Good on you with the 26th 5K.

I miss running! (stupid knee.)

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DDOORN 3/19/2012 10:37AM

    Do I ever hear ya: "exercise is not enough to cut it." I have to keep telling myself this as well. And it does seem unfair that doing something so healthy, a 5K, all my cycling, etc. should pay us back with a ravenous appetite.

Kudos to your 5K...gotta start gearing up for mine in May!


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You Better Start Swimmin' or You'll Sink Like a Stone

Monday, March 12, 2012

Most of the country (er, the US) yesterday went on Daylight Savings Time. I recognize that this is no big news to any of you, even if you're from some skeery country like Canada. ;)

In any event, what does this all means? Well, of course, daylight isn't actually "saved". I have read innumerable semantic arguments about that. That's nice. Now go play with your dictionary some more. Sheesh. It's really just a quick and dirty term for what happens.

The reality is far subtler. It's actually a large experiment (and a successful one every year, I might add) in behavior modification. Even the states that are unaffected ARE affected, for what happens when you drive across the border and into a state where DST is practiced? Or you call someone there? Truth is, it affects the entire world, for I have worked in more than one company where a call from a colleague overseas had to be rethought because suddenly the time difference was an extra hour, or it was one less than before.

So, behavior modification. We all get up an hour earlier. We wake up (as of now, although that's going to change in a few months) in darkness. We come home in light. And we change! Truth be told, the transition occurs over the course of less than a week, and over 300 million people (yes, really!) are transformed. The experiment is a success, and it is undone every autumn, when another experiment is conducted and the clocks fall back an hour and we are suddenly waking up an hour later than before.

And so I ask you - if you can do this - if you can change your behaviors based on a little old CLOCK, can you change them based on something else? Can you change them based on test results? Or on a scale? Or on what a friend says? Or on how you feel? Can you change them based on the latest research? Or on what the government says the food pyramid should be?

Can you change your behavior and, by definition, your life, because of outside circumstances and influences? Yes? Then, good.

And now for the harder question.

Can you change your behavior and, by definition, your life, because of inside circumstances and influences?

What do I mean by inside versus outside influences?

A lot of us think of weight loss in the context of what our doctors say. Or it's in the context of wanting to fit into a favored pair of jeans or the like. Or the context is how a person we love feels, or what they say. And these things are all well and good, and any weight loss that comes from them is, naturally, real weight loss.

But what happens when the doctor's message is garbled, or the research is inconclusive? Or the jeans are fit into? Or the person we love turns away, or leaves, or changes their mind? If we lose those exterior motivations, I think a lot of us lose ALL of our motivations.

So we need to cultivate inner motivations. The ones where we feel better, and not just because we fit better in our clothes. Where we feel healthier, and not just because a doctor shows us a bunch of studies and numbers. Where we feel that we've accomplished something, and not just because of a stack of finisher medals and commemorative tee shirts.

When you change from standard time to daylight savings, they always tell you to change the batteries in your smoke detectors.

What I am suggesting to you is to also change the batteries in yourselves, for the times, they are a-changin'.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Excellent blog - thanks for the inspiration!
emoticon. emoticon

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BUTRFLY_FREEDOM 3/12/2012 9:22PM

    I absolutely LOVED this post!

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CAROLISCIOUS 3/12/2012 9:02PM

    Well said , JES. I have a harder time these days finding those "external motivations." When I first lost weight...I heard a lot of "you look great!" Don't hear that so much any I've had to do just like you said...find that inner motivation to stick with this. I think it realizing that I want to do this for me...and nobody else...just me. I just have to remember to tell myself "I look great!".

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FLPALM 3/12/2012 6:02PM

    Nice! "FOOD FOR THOUGHT" for us all to ponder! And using the comparison, that most of us follow, well....puts us "A THINKNG!"

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DDOORN 3/12/2012 3:36PM

    Terrific way to put it, Jes! Love the new "spin" to old lyrics...funny how one can re-use old expressions and give them a whole new meaning in this business of taking care of our health and wellness!


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OVERHAULING-ME 3/12/2012 2:34PM


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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 3/12/2012 1:39PM


well said.

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LESSOFPMCD 3/12/2012 1:36PM

    Well spoken - I agree with you completely.

The desire to change has to come from within. If you are only doing it for others you may succeed at first but how long do you last.

Most of us are a little selfish to a degree (even if you don't want to admit it). So when doing anything for others we may end up no longer caring about them/that etc if it starts to interfere with what we want/like.

But if doing this for ourselves we then maybe care about a bit more about reaching/maintaining our goals is this not a good thing?

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PICKIE98 3/12/2012 1:01PM

    Bummer!! My smoke detectors have ten year batteries..NOW WHAT?????????

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MS.ELENI 3/12/2012 11:52AM

    Another good one emoticon

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VALERIEMAHA 3/12/2012 10:36AM

    Must replace batteries. Must replace batteries.

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. -- Carl Gustav Jung

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She Sure Looks Different than the Way She Looked Before

Monday, March 05, 2012

This song is here for fairly obvious reasons - the lyric makes a great weight loss title, plus, of course, there is Davy Jones's recent death. I didn't think it would affect me but, it did. It reminds me of youth.

And with youth comes a lot of great stuff, such as far, far easier weight loss. And getting in shape is easier, and you spring back from injuries more quickly. And, I don't have to tell you how your skin looks.

Ah, youth.


This does not mean, as we hit 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 or beyond that it's time to slack off, that it's somehow too late to do anything. Actually, what it means is - do it now.

And allow me to emphasize that.


Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not next year.


Tracking? What, you haven't done it? Do it now, while you're thinking about it.

Cardiovascular Exercise? What, you haven't done it? Then do it now, while the weather is okay or at least not awful, or you're not too tired or it's light out or the kids are at school or you don't have a deadline at work or the stars are properly aligned or whatever. Whatever is the excuse for not doing it, assume that that excuse is in invalid and nonexistent. So do it now.

Water? What, you haven't drunk any yet today? Time's a wastin'! All of the things that we hate about water drinking (and I am speaking of many, many trips to a certain little room) are worse the more we delay. Start early, and you can spread it around better, so that there's less urgency. Do it now.

Strength training? What sort of invitation are you waiting for? Here it is. Engrave it if you must. Today is a perfect day for weight training. If the weather stinks, you're going to do it inside anyway. If your favorite show is on, you can do it in front of the TV. If the kids are bugging you, pump iron and I think they'll lay off a bit, eh? ;) So do it now.

Watching the salt intake? Start with reading labels, and watering things down when they can be, and stop shaking on excess. Change your grocery list to include more lower sodium foods, and build in an extra 15 minutes to check labels, or see if you can check any labels online and maybe do that legwork early. Do it now.

Counting calories? You guessed it, you can do that, now, too, by checking out just how many calories are in what you were planing to have for your next meal. Yes, your next meal, the one in a few hours. Spark has probably thousands of food in its database by now. And anything that isn't on Spark can usually be found online. Search. Decide whether a certain item is worth it. Change it up if you have to, in order to get the numbers to fit. Yeah, do that now, too.

Now, I know, life intervenes. So do it when you have those little snippets of time in your life. When you're waiting - if you've got a smartphone, just use the Spark app. No smartphone? Try a pen and paper and record for later what you're going to do. Everybody has little snippets of time. They can be used.

I rarely get insomnia. Wanna know why? 'Cause I walk almost every single day, and I think about my problems THEN. I don't wait until I'm lying in bed. So I'm tired at night, and I'm not seizing the moments when I should be winding down and trying to sleep and misusing them, for time to think about upsetting stuff. Time to worry is budgeted, and so is exercise. Multitasking, I end up doing both at the same time.

I know I have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. Don't wait. Don't hesitate.

Do it now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALERIEMAHA 3/12/2012 12:07PM

    Great ideas, motivation, encouragement, sistah!!!

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MARCHMAID 3/10/2012 5:30PM

    Different FROM.

: P

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2WHEELEDSHARON 3/9/2012 6:18PM

    I have to keep reminding myself it doesn't all have to be so hard!

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    Just what I needed this morning.

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CAROLISCIOUS 3/5/2012 8:04PM


And losing Davey Jones was hard on me too...we were all in love with him.

Comment edited on: 3/5/2012 8:33:13 PM

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WATERMELLEN 3/5/2012 7:44PM

    Great blog: love the idea of budgeting time for worrying!!

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JOPAPGH 3/5/2012 4:55PM

    Youth is wasted on the young...

Still have my 30 minutes of cardio to do on my "rest" day.

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SHEL1181 3/5/2012 4:42PM


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TMW54812 3/5/2012 11:34AM

    My favorite motivational cartoon!

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TMW54812 3/5/2012 11:14AM


emoticon emoticon

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FLPALM 3/5/2012 10:48AM

    Great! Nicely put!

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CHERN009 3/5/2012 10:34AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon for the push!

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MS.ELENI 3/5/2012 10:29AM

    emoticon as usual

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DDOORN 3/5/2012 10:19AM

    Always have to keep these vital points in mind...thx again Jes!


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BANDMOM2012 3/5/2012 10:01AM

    Pretty deep for a Monday morning. I loved watching re-runs of the Monkeys. Sounds like you have got a good plan going. Keep it up!

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You Were Always Made to Want it All

Monday, February 27, 2012

Alli experiment about to come to an end (I am done with alli on 2/28, at the end of the day). It has been completely meh. Today I lost the weight I gained during the experiment and am now down .6 overall for the five weeks. I'll check again Wednesday morning, when I'll be completely done, but I don't honestly think I'll be suddenly running around and screaming that I lost five pounds.

So, meh. Compare this, BTW, with the prior 5 week period, where I went from 213.2 to 212.2. Yes, folks, I weighed less and I lost more without it. This is not to say that people new to the drug will not see any effects. But I had taken it for a good two years or almost two years there. And it's been a good year and a half since I had last taken it. It remains decidedly ineffective for me.

But that also begs the question of what is really going to work? I walk every single day, and for 80 minutes or more, with hills. I do weight training. I lift 40# for 20 minutes every single morning. My intake numbers are all good, as can be seen on my tracker. I drink not 8 eight-ounce glasses of water per day, but 11. I am in training for my 26th 5K. I eat every few hours. I get 8 hours of sleep every night. I eat breakfast every morning.

In short, I do every single thing that SP tells me to do - and I mean EVERY.

Yet the weight and the measurements have stopped moving.

I also refuse to be a vegan or live insanely. And by insanely I mean, I already watch my food like a hawk. At some point, I do need a few conveniences. I rarely go out to eat. I rarely drink alcohol or soda, even diet. A super low-carb diet is not in the cards. I already don't eat red meat.

And I am tired, tired of being a hawk, tired of being isolated with my choices, tired of hypervigilance and in no mood to become even more vigilant. Bumping calories down by 200 - 600 calories will essentially remove a meal from my diet. Yes, a meal - and would likely kick me into starvation mode, not to mention building yet more isolation into my food choices.

I am tired.

So, while it's an overall loss, it reminds me that this race is not to the swift and sometimes it's not to the slow, either. And here I am, a little over 6 months before my 50th birthday, and I am tired.

Hence, hope is different.

Hope, right now, is not for big, glamorous losses. It is for staving off decrepitude. And I think that that can become the goal, in some ways, in and of itself.

Keep it going.

Keep the streak alive.

Keep moving.

Keep on keeping on, no matter how tired, no matter how fruitless it may seem, for fruitlessness is, well, it happens. But going backwards is worse, far, far, worse.

Go forward.

Don't go backwards.

You'll get what you get. You'll get there when you get there and "there" might be a different "there" from what you had originally thought you wanted, or could do.

Here's to the new "there".

Go forward. Don't go backwards.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLISCIOUS 3/5/2012 8:44PM

    Go forward...don't go backwards.

I totally get this blog. I get tired. Tired of the vigilence. Tired of watching co-workers eat yummy things...every day...even if they are fat. Tired of taking one little eating splurge, and it rapidly turning into 5 pounds on the scale. Sometimes I wish I could just forget about it, throw caution to the wind...and allow myself to gain the weight back. Fooey on vigilence...skinny or the end I will what does it matter?

But I know it matters. Being skinny or fat from point A to point B matters very much, because it may determine strong and healthy or weak and sick.

Going forward may mean losing more weight or staying right where I am. I dunno, but either way, I know that it does mean sticking with it and not giving up.

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FLPALM 3/3/2012 6:05PM

    You got it, you tried it, 'nuff said! Some times, we just have to find the right mix! Trust me, I have tried so much, done so much, and finally came to the reality of "nuff said!" Don't worry, my friend, you will keep at it! I know you will!

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MARCHMAID 2/29/2012 2:42PM

    Hmmm. Maybe you're drinking too MUCH water? Retaining it? I just woke up to the fact that I've been in increasing pain for the past two weeks and that I have been eating an enormous amount of sugar. Not gaining weight but actual and increasingly joint pain!

New leaf tomorrow. Talk about addition.

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2WHEELEDSHARON 2/27/2012 8:34PM

    If you're anything like me, the resentment from knowing I have to always be vigilant is just as exhausting. I'm starting to feel like I'd have to skip an entire meal in order to lose any more as well. I'm just not that obsessed with how I look. I'm way more grateful I can climb stairs, carry things for the elderly without it crippling me, and have a stronger immune system than I've ever had. No going backwards!

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GOLFCHICK2-0 2/27/2012 8:04PM

    I know, this may sound like crazy talk, but one of the things that happened with me was that I was not eating ENOUGH. I had to add 150-200 calories because I started working out more and needed to fuel my body to burn the calories.

Check out some of the Plateau busting tips. Here are some random links outside of spark:

Best of health to you!

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/27/2012 1:49PM

    Hey there,

The only thing I saw that might be "missing" from the equation is really intense cardio - and depending on how you're walking, you might be getting that already - if you can go a racewalking-like speed...

Some kind of interval training would get you there, too, I suspect; if you wanted to try it. Like CrossFit or simple burpees (which are free, use only body weight, and this article here will tell you how to use 'em for conditioning:
2.htm) 20 of those done quickly, in a row, definitely get my heart going and wear me out in an intense cardio way! LOL

Whatever you decide, hang in there. We're rootin' for you!

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MS.ELENI 2/27/2012 11:21AM

    I have no idea why yu aren't losing.At this point I would say see your doc and check your thyroid.

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DDOORN 2/27/2012 9:15AM

    What helps me most is to remind myself how terrible life is when I'm out of control. No matter that I may not be at the weight I would prefer to be at. I'm still relatively in control of my rig and not careening over the guardrails!

There is much to be said for this when the majority of my life was spent crashing & burning in oh-so-ugly ways!


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