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You Were Always Made to Want it All

Monday, February 27, 2012

Alli experiment about to come to an end (I am done with alli on 2/28, at the end of the day). It has been completely meh. Today I lost the weight I gained during the experiment and am now down .6 overall for the five weeks. I'll check again Wednesday morning, when I'll be completely done, but I don't honestly think I'll be suddenly running around and screaming that I lost five pounds.

So, meh. Compare this, BTW, with the prior 5 week period, where I went from 213.2 to 212.2. Yes, folks, I weighed less and I lost more without it. This is not to say that people new to the drug will not see any effects. But I had taken it for a good two years or almost two years there. And it's been a good year and a half since I had last taken it. It remains decidedly ineffective for me.

But that also begs the question of what is really going to work? I walk every single day, and for 80 minutes or more, with hills. I do weight training. I lift 40# for 20 minutes every single morning. My intake numbers are all good, as can be seen on my tracker. I drink not 8 eight-ounce glasses of water per day, but 11. I am in training for my 26th 5K. I eat every few hours. I get 8 hours of sleep every night. I eat breakfast every morning.

In short, I do every single thing that SP tells me to do - and I mean EVERY.

Yet the weight and the measurements have stopped moving.

I also refuse to be a vegan or live insanely. And by insanely I mean, I already watch my food like a hawk. At some point, I do need a few conveniences. I rarely go out to eat. I rarely drink alcohol or soda, even diet. A super low-carb diet is not in the cards. I already don't eat red meat.

And I am tired, tired of being a hawk, tired of being isolated with my choices, tired of hypervigilance and in no mood to become even more vigilant. Bumping calories down by 200 - 600 calories will essentially remove a meal from my diet. Yes, a meal - and would likely kick me into starvation mode, not to mention building yet more isolation into my food choices.

I am tired.

So, while it's an overall loss, it reminds me that this race is not to the swift and sometimes it's not to the slow, either. And here I am, a little over 6 months before my 50th birthday, and I am tired.

Hence, hope is different.

Hope, right now, is not for big, glamorous losses. It is for staving off decrepitude. And I think that that can become the goal, in some ways, in and of itself.

Keep it going.

Keep the streak alive.

Keep moving.

Keep on keeping on, no matter how tired, no matter how fruitless it may seem, for fruitlessness is, well, it happens. But going backwards is worse, far, far, worse.

Go forward.

Don't go backwards.

You'll get what you get. You'll get there when you get there and "there" might be a different "there" from what you had originally thought you wanted, or could do.

Here's to the new "there".

Go forward. Don't go backwards.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLISCIOUS 3/5/2012 8:44PM

    Go forward...don't go backwards.

I totally get this blog. I get tired. Tired of the vigilence. Tired of watching co-workers eat yummy things...every day...even if they are fat. Tired of taking one little eating splurge, and it rapidly turning into 5 pounds on the scale. Sometimes I wish I could just forget about it, throw caution to the wind...and allow myself to gain the weight back. Fooey on vigilence...skinny or the end I will what does it matter?

But I know it matters. Being skinny or fat from point A to point B matters very much, because it may determine strong and healthy or weak and sick.

Going forward may mean losing more weight or staying right where I am. I dunno, but either way, I know that it does mean sticking with it and not giving up.

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FLPALM 3/3/2012 6:05PM

    You got it, you tried it, 'nuff said! Some times, we just have to find the right mix! Trust me, I have tried so much, done so much, and finally came to the reality of "nuff said!" Don't worry, my friend, you will keep at it! I know you will!

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MARCHMAID 2/29/2012 2:42PM

    Hmmm. Maybe you're drinking too MUCH water? Retaining it? I just woke up to the fact that I've been in increasing pain for the past two weeks and that I have been eating an enormous amount of sugar. Not gaining weight but actual and increasingly joint pain!

New leaf tomorrow. Talk about addition.

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2WHEELEDSHARON 2/27/2012 8:34PM

    If you're anything like me, the resentment from knowing I have to always be vigilant is just as exhausting. I'm starting to feel like I'd have to skip an entire meal in order to lose any more as well. I'm just not that obsessed with how I look. I'm way more grateful I can climb stairs, carry things for the elderly without it crippling me, and have a stronger immune system than I've ever had. No going backwards!

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GOLFCHICK2-0 2/27/2012 8:04PM

    I know, this may sound like crazy talk, but one of the things that happened with me was that I was not eating ENOUGH. I had to add 150-200 calories because I started working out more and needed to fuel my body to burn the calories.

Check out some of the Plateau busting tips. Here are some random links outside of spark:

Best of health to you!

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/27/2012 1:49PM

    Hey there,

The only thing I saw that might be "missing" from the equation is really intense cardio - and depending on how you're walking, you might be getting that already - if you can go a racewalking-like speed...

Some kind of interval training would get you there, too, I suspect; if you wanted to try it. Like CrossFit or simple burpees (which are free, use only body weight, and this article here will tell you how to use 'em for conditioning:
2.htm) 20 of those done quickly, in a row, definitely get my heart going and wear me out in an intense cardio way! LOL

Whatever you decide, hang in there. We're rootin' for you!

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MS.ELENI 2/27/2012 11:21AM

    I have no idea why yu aren't losing.At this point I would say see your doc and check your thyroid.

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DDOORN 2/27/2012 9:15AM

    What helps me most is to remind myself how terrible life is when I'm out of control. No matter that I may not be at the weight I would prefer to be at. I'm still relatively in control of my rig and not careening over the guardrails!

There is much to be said for this when the majority of my life was spent crashing & burning in oh-so-ugly ways!


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I've Been Locked Up Way Too Long

Monday, February 20, 2012

Tomorrow marks four years since I started Spark.


Holy cow.

That is one LONG time.

I'm not so sure how I feel about that.

I feel good that I am a lot lighter than I was when I started. I don't feel so fab about being more or less stuck where I am. But I am also not interested in becoming overly sacrificing again, in order to move along. After all, it would have to be a LOT more sacrificing (see the article The Fat Trap, in the NY Times (
). I just don't have it in me these days.

And so I am here, at 214 or so, and this number is (like every single other number on the scale, ever, since day one) of my own making. I am responsible for my pretty good cheekbones and small waist just as much as I am for my butt that, while it no longer needs its own Zip code, is still not as awesome as it could be. Me, and me alone.

I did this.

Not my parents.

Not society.

Not my friends.

Not food manufacturers or farmers.

Nope. It's all me.

Being responsible for the less than wonderful means that credit can be taken for the great stuff. So let's take a gander at some great stuff, okay?

Last week, I had a dental cleaning. And it was super early in the morning. I got on the wrong bus. In my own defense, that number bus is not scheduled to stop there (really; we checked). So we're going along and, so far, so good (and keep in mind that these buses have an intercom system which automatically tells you the stops. This one was - incorrectly - set to the stops for the bus I normally would get on). Then I begin to notice - the neighborhood's declining.

I finally get off. Ewps.

Not a huge panic as it is still early. It was some work, to take a trolley, then walk over a few blocks to change to a different line, then get over to where I needed to be, and then several more blocks, as that stop wasn't so close, either (I made it with 5 minutes to spare).


I was not tired. I was not winded. I was not in pain. Nope.

In fact, it was all less time and distance than I normally walk.

I remember when just the last part of that (because I'd be on the right bus, of course) was a chore. I remember when I would have shin splints for days afterwards. I remember being winded. I remember feeling worthless, that I could not do it and why the hell was I in my mid-forties but feeling, acting and behaving like an old lady of twice that?

Way back when, four years ago, the seatbelt in my car was getting to be too short. I would breathe in, in order to get it around me. The idea of buying an extender was a bit attractive, but it also scared me, for I realized that to do so would be to admit defeat. And it would give me more inches of play. I could remain safely ensconced in my denial. So I continued to take a deep breath, pull the belt as far as it would go, and pray I could get it to click.

Four years later, I pull, click and start the engine, just like the vast majority of automobile drivers on the planet.

I do not take a deep breath. I do not pray for the belt to fit. I just click, start and go.

It's the same car. It's the same belt.

The part that has changed is me. It is what is within.

After four years, what and who am I?

I'll tell you.

And I will shout it, for some things need to be shouted.






So let's open up ourselves. Our true selves. Together, or as individuals, but either way, we do it. You do it and I do it. For however long it takes and however steep the climb and however far the road.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BESEVEN 2/22/2012 10:50AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/21/2012 12:42PM

    Damn straight.

Out there in the trenches, doing it.

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KMBERLY817 2/21/2012 9:48AM

    Happy Anniversary!!! I needed to see this today. Thank you... You are an inspiration to us all. emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/21/2012 9:48:56 AM

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KASEYCOFF 2/21/2012 3:14AM

    I don't often 'vote' for blogs, but this one is sterling - we are and we can!

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CAROLISCIOUS 2/20/2012 9:08PM

    I'm glad you SHOUTED it!

However long it takes...I'm IN!

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JOPAPGH 2/20/2012 9:00PM

    Great job getting to where you are and being comfortable in your own skin (and less of it too!)


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SHEL1181 2/20/2012 8:43PM

    Amen! You are amazing....thanks for this!

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BATYAFA 2/20/2012 4:12PM

    Four years of losing + maintenance sounds PRETTY GOOD to me!! I'd love to be able to say the same about myself some day!! Keep up the great work!! emoticon

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DDOORN 2/20/2012 4:11PM

    Doin' it, too...right with you Jes'!

Reminds me of a great jazz jam:


"a funky, bluesy vamp with one of the fiercest tenor sax solos David Liebman has ever committed to wax" ...and that is an UNDERSTATEMENT! Wish I could find it online to listen to!


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PICKIE98 2/20/2012 1:44PM

    My anniversary is tomorrow too!! I wish I could say I am in maintenance..
How about the fact that you fit into the dentist chair without hanging over the side?? Given our family cooking and eating habits, it is a miracle we clawed our way away form that proverbial "table of death".. remember the first trip to the City to meet the family at a restaurant??? I always keep that picture of you in my mind when I want to go crazy in a restaurant..
thank you and happy anniversary one day early!!

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PHEBESS 2/20/2012 1:12PM

    Listen, if you feel thinner and fitter, that is a big plus. If you're stuck - well, at least you're maintaining and not gaining, right? Another big plus! And some days, that's all that keeps me motivated, knowing I'm doing this and preventing the gain.

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2WHEELEDSHARON 2/20/2012 11:51AM

    A friend who lost 198 pounds mentioned that she doesn't get the woo hoos for maintenance that she did for her losses along the way, so I'm happily acknowledging the maintainers badassness!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MS.ELENI 2/20/2012 11:00AM

    It is not easy but worth it. You have already done the hardest part

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 2/20/2012 10:13AM

    You are totally emoticon. You have proven, in so many ways, that yes, emoticon! I admire your commitment and determination, your honesty and your writing skill. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VEUVEGIRL 2/20/2012 9:49AM

    Hey you can do it!!

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All Bittersweet

Monday, February 13, 2012

I wanted to write a little bit about the woman singing this song, as she recently passed, but I also wanted to write about myself, and all of you. I am the woman in the pic, which is from 2 summers ago.

This is not her biggest hit. It is not even her first hit. It's just, a sweet, danceable song.

And it's funny, because you talk about a celebrity death (and I am talking about Whitney Houston, if you can't access the link) and a lot of people project themselves onto it. I have seen her death as a railing against drugs, but also used as a justification for taking them. I have seen it as a lament of a wasted life and thanks for getting what we did, that we should somehow be grateful that we were graced with her presence for as long as we were, as if 48 years old (over a year younger than me) was somehow enough. I have seen it as people worried for the well-being of her daughter and railing against her ex-husband.

And amidst all of it is a big mirror. We see a mirror, and it reflects what we want to reflect, and so often that mirror is distorted.

And it got me thinking about our own demons. And while they are less flashy, and they don't act as quickly, they are still there. What if she had died of some obesity-related illness? Would we be reacting in a similar fashion? Would we be railing against Bobby Brown for leading her down the path of too many Snickers bars? Would we be worried that Bobbie Kristina would take to too much fried chicken? Would we be using her death as an excuse and a rationalization for our own overindulgences, or as a motivation for kicking ours to the curb?

One thing that isn't talked about too often here on Spark is that this is your lifespan we are talking about. It is its quality and its length. And I say that 48 is too young. I am not demanding more songs from someone like Whitney. Rather, it is that I am demanding more life from her, more surviving. Because, aside from things like HIV and cancer, a gunshot or a drowning or a poisoning or a car accident, well, 48-year-olds generally don't just up and die.

She committed suicide with a pipe and a needle and a spoon.

Are we committing it with our forks?

I know, I know, that was over the top. It's not the same. And that's true. I totally get that and you're right. It is not the same. But we can stop it, yes? We talk about food addiction but, truth is, I doubt it's on a par with the kind of drug addiction that Houston battled.

I believe that we can put it aside. I am well aware that it is not the only reason for weight gain or for the stalling of weight loss. Oh, I know that all too well, my friends. But a part of this journey is the food that isn't eaten, the calories that don't have to be burned off as they are never consumed in the first place. I am not talking about starvation. I am talking about having enough, and knowing when it is enough and knowing when and how to stop.

For that is what I take away from her death. I take away a thought of she did not know when to quit. But I do.

And so do you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHEKIRK 2/18/2012 11:46AM

    You are a wonderful writer!
I sometimes wonder if having a food addiction is less powerful than other addictions. I quit smoking 30 years ago with the mind set that I could never have another cigarette. Yet, eating has been a struggle because I have to eat and although I am well aware of proper food choices,I still cave in to the wrong ones.

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JIBBIE49 2/17/2012 9:03PM


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DDOORN 2/17/2012 9:50AM

    Jamie Lee Curtis wrote a great piece on Whitney and addiction which I read as applicable to myself and anyone else out there who is a food addict as well!



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MS.ELENI 2/13/2012 11:08PM

    some of us are killing ourselves with food.

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2WHEELEDSHARON 2/13/2012 9:49PM

    And then theres our quality of life which we all deserve high standards of, but spend too much time lowering it with such addictions. My mothers insistence on minimizing her quality of life is my biggest motivator, and it makes me sad that even with the means we think we want, people still fall into lower standards for themselves.

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SHEL1181 2/13/2012 8:49PM

    Great blog! Thanks!

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CAROLISCIOUS 2/13/2012 8:35PM

    A life too short, no doubt, for whatever reason. Great writing, Jes.

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SWEETZMIX 2/13/2012 5:56PM

    Very true...I think at one point or another we were all addicted to food. Maybe our food addictions aren't and weren't the same as Whitney's drug addiction. But addiction is addiction and it's a terrible thing & hard to fight. Some of us win, some of us lose and some of us just hold on.

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 2/13/2012 2:18PM

    I heard there were no illegal drugs here - just prescription - While saddened, I am not sure there was truly an addiction issue here. May God bless her loved ones and hold them close.

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KMBERLY817 2/13/2012 1:19PM

    Very well stated...

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FLPALM 2/13/2012 11:08AM

    Wow, This is so well written! It hits a nail, and sent shivers up my spine! I totally agree, with your comments! First, 48 is TOO YOUNG TO DIE! And learning, and realizing that an ADDICTION can take on many forms. Great BLOG~!

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CJMCCRAY 2/13/2012 11:06AM


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Just When I'd Spent the Last Piaster I Could Borrow

Monday, February 06, 2012

The picture has naught to do with the blog entry; I just liked it. I'm a Trekkie so it amused me.

Anyway what's up in the land o' jes, you ask.

Nada much.

But I am coming to, really and truly, my fourth anniversary of being here. It'll be on the 21st, but I am getting a jump on it 'cause, well, I dunno.

Actually, I DO know.

I am getting a jump because today we were talking a bit about goals for the month of February. Now, it is a short month (despite the extra day thrown in there - er, why isn't that day in July or some other, warmer month? But I digress), so goals maybe need to be curtailed slightly.

Wanna know what my goal is for February?

It's not a weight loss goal. It's not a water drinking goal. It's not a tracking goal. It's not a strength training goal. I will do all of those things (except for the first one) without thinking - they are already ingrained into my life. So I don't need to set 'em as goals 'cause they're habits. As for the first one, it will happen, or it will not, and I will do whatever I can to assure that it will happen but sometimes such things do not happen and I will not beat myself up if such is not to be.

Anyway, my February goal is ...

... wait for it ....

to walk 90 miles.

Heh. Yep.

Last year, I walked about 75 1/2 miles in February, but it was a very, very snowy winter, so most of my cardio was spent shoveling snow. In '10, I walked 85 plus miles. So this year I want to up that to 90. I am, so far, at 22 and change, and I have not gone out yet today. Hence I should make it, exceed it and blow it out of the water, but I am being conservative about it because serious snowfalls (still a very real possibility here in Nueva England) could throw a wrench into that.

That's it? Yep, that's it.

But, but, but, where's the drama? Where's the amazing weight loss goal, the fifty races, the foreswearing of fried beets or whatever?

Been there, done that, kids.

And one thing I have found, as I wend my way to my fourth anniversary, is that most people don't really live their lives as defined by goals. Sure, goals are helpful and sweet and they help to shape our behaviors. But what happens when our behaviors are already shaped?

For me, now, goals and aims and desires are not so much about changing my lifestyle as they are about individual achievements, and attempts to do things better. Do I want to lose weight? Sure. Do I want my arms to be less jiggly? You betcha.

But in all of this, what I really want is to live a normal life, as I define normal.

In 2010, per my pedometer, I walked 970 miles. That's about from here to Ontario.

In 2011, per my pedometer, I walked 1234 miles. That's about from here to Springfield, Missouri.

This year, I hope to have walked 1570 miles, if the annual mileage increase of about 27% holds true. That would be about from here to Arlington, Texas.

See ya in Arlington.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEE-KNEE 2/12/2012 11:09PM

    90 miles... that's doable... you have some crazy fitness minutes tracked, so I have no doubts that you will do this. :)

Comment edited on: 2/12/2012 11:10:02 PM

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KAYWEB555 2/8/2012 10:34AM

    Don't forget to walk the day while you are at it ! Thanks oh don't have one I have one that you can walk for me ! She needs to lose about 2#'s before her next vet appt. in June !teehee

Great Goal setting !

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JOPAPGH 2/7/2012 1:15PM

    Good luck on the miles. I track walking, cycling and running miles. I totaled almost 200 miles in January.

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SHEL1181 2/6/2012 8:51PM

    This is a great goal and definitely one you can guess is you'll go over the 90 miles, but you're right, you never know about the weather. Good luck and I can't wait to hear about your progress!

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CAROLISCIOUS 2/6/2012 8:04PM

    Love the pic! I hope your miles bring you to the FL panhandle one day!

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2WHEELEDSHARON 2/6/2012 1:47PM

    Yay for a drama free habits! That's really what we're all striving for when we talk about changing our lifestyles.
I hope you meet lots of dogs, bunnies and squirrels this month!

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FLPALM 2/6/2012 1:39PM

    Love it! And thank goodness our weather, I live here too, HAS BEEN A LOT MILDER! Phew! This is great, but winter is not over yet! So enjoy your walks, and TEXAS....ummmm, maybe I'll see ya there...virtually!!!!

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VALERIEMAHA 2/6/2012 1:27PM

    "as I define normal"...por supuesto, mi amiga extraordinaria -- que mas???
...uhhhhhhh...yo tambien,
Y si:
"Katy tried I was halfway crucified I was on the other side Of no tomorrow You walked in And my life began again Just when I'd spent the last piaster I could borrow All night long We would sing that stupid song And every word we sang I knew was true...."

Comment edited on: 2/6/2012 1:36:31 PM

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THECITYMOUSE 2/6/2012 1:00PM

    You always make me smile, whether it's intentional or not.


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KASEYCOFF 2/6/2012 12:30PM

    Wow, what a fantastic way to set a goal!!! That's brilliant, and you are sooo inspiring me--!

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MS.ELENI 2/6/2012 12:09PM

    From someone who can only walk a few feet at a time and need a walker to do that I applaud you. You are so amazing my friend. I have no doubt you will make your goal emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOHNTJ1 2/6/2012 11:49AM

    Love the Steely dan reference

Are you with me Dr. Wu?

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DMPRIDER 2/6/2012 11:48AM

    Good goal. One of these days, if I ever get around to it, I want to get organized about totaling up the miles I've walked or jogged and plot them on a map. It would be fun to see where I would end up! Maybe I'll see you in Texas!

Also, I love Steely Dan so thanks for the song!

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DDOORN 2/6/2012 11:47AM

    Wow! You're nipping at my cycling miles heels...! Which was a little over 2,000 mile in '11. Planning on a lot more this year! ALWAYS cool to kick it up a notch! Love Steely Dan and Doctor Wu is right up there among my favs of theirs!

Thx for stopping by my blog!


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I Send My Thoughts to Far Off Destinations

Monday, January 30, 2012

Today is the start of an experiment.

I am back on alli for 30 days, to see if it makes a damned bit of difference.

I suspect all it will do is force me into stricter portion control. Which is fine for losing, and I may very well lose a bit during these days. But I know myself. I'll also get a bit nuts.

My husband asked me - what will you do if it works? Will you stay on alli? And my answer was, probably not, even if it does work. For, right now, I don't see the virtue in making myself insane for sustained periods. But we'll see. Perhaps I'll change my mind. There's also the question of the expense. But I've paid for this course. Let's see if it works before we go jumping into another one.

The other thing, which is very odd to me, is that, if I get through all of today and tomorrow, I will have gone through all of January without TOM. And that would be the first time that had ever happened since I was about 11 1/2 years old (I'm about 49 1/2 right now). Perhaps I am good for 38 years of fertility. I dunno, and have now hit my ovarian expiration date. I know, for sure, that menopause is a game of fits and starts. I may very well be back to it in a month or so. No celebrating yet, no symbolic burning of the Kotex box or anything. Wacky.

Life's been meh. I am looking for work, and so that's what I do with my time. I send in resumes, I accept recruiters' calls and I try to remain positive throughout. I tweak my resume whenever I'm feeling that no one's paying enough attention to me. And I try to network on occasion, but I truly despise that game. And I have found, over the course of my life, that networking hasn't done squat for me, except get me an essentially volunteer gig at the robotics joint.

I am also a walking fiend these days, going a good 80 minutes or so every day, rain, snow or shine. I'm mainly going two routes, which are partial mirrors to each other. I've found, in my area, those are the best routes, in terms of giving me a serious hill to climb, enough space to get 80 minutes' worth in, and they also maximize the potential for seeing pettable dogs or cute bunnies and chipmunks. Hey, I've got my priorities, although I may go elsewhere today as the bunnies and chipmunks have been on vacation for a while.

So, life goes on, as I await my first Unemployment check, I work on our taxes and make sense of my world as best as I can. One of the ways that things make more sense to me is by scheduling 5Ks. I've got eight set so far for this year. The other two just aren't up yet for registrations. Plus we may hunt around for another one, for April, as that month is oddly missing a race (the race that would've been in April is, instead, on March 31st this year). Two hundred plus dollars for registration fees. When the other two or three come in, I think it'll top $300 for the two of us for the year. Plus we get tee shirts and snacks, the occasional finisher medal and a boatload of entertainment and focused conditioning motivation.

Onward, ever onward, ever pacing, ever doing, ever thinking, ever analyzing, ever yearning.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCHMAID 1/31/2012 8:43PM

    Hey, whatever floats your boat. Not pleased to hear you're in the doldrums though. Cheer up!

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    Interesting plan. I have often wondered about your use of alii and how you are coping. Brave woman to explore. And I am with Carol it is a good plan over all.

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DDOORN 1/31/2012 8:56AM

    Always great to hear from you, "meh" notwithstanding...your walks sound lovely, give a "hello" to the chipmunks, squirrels and dogs from us! :-)

I've got my one & only 5K coming in May. Need to buckle down on pounds. Don't think I'd ever consider Alli, from what I've heard / read, but to each our own!

Best wishes on the job hunt...Spark On!


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2WHEELEDSHARON 1/30/2012 11:47PM

    Everlasting circles and spirals, and it sounds like you're grooving right along with them. I love the virtual running I get to do through my Sparkfriends, please feel free to indulge in the details!

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CAROLISCIOUS 1/30/2012 8:55PM

    Sounds like a plan...and it's a good plan...

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SHEL1181 1/30/2012 8:09PM

    Good luck on the job hunt!!! Good for you on getting all those 5K's scheduled.....I'm working on getting my running back on track. Hoping by spring I'm running outside on the trails checking out the bunnies and chipmunks here emoticon
Good luck with the alli....I've heard it works pretty good but I've never tried it.

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MS.ELENI 1/30/2012 2:31PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FLPALM 1/30/2012 10:30AM

    You are trying to be focused, and THAT IS A GREAT THING! Life throws us all kinds of curve balls, but you are trying to juggle each of them and working on the "downfalls, pitfalls, and KEEPING THEM UP IN THE AIR." Good for you!

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Good luck on your quest to continue to lose weight AND find a job - both of which I can relate to. I lost my job last June and was blessed because I was employed again by September and can I just be 100% "honest." I LOVED the time off. I've worked non-stop pretty much for over 40 years and I needed the break. Granted it was quite scary as I am the only income (being single). I have found jobs in my past by networking but also found them the old-fashioned way. It's a scary time to be looking because people are not hiring as much and when they do - (in my experience) expect a HUGE decrease in salary from what you've made in the past. Employers "know" people are desperate and so they can pay less and still get you. I went through menopause a few years back - shoot maybe I still am - not sure. No longer have the monthly visitor and had one heck of an easy time compared to most women I know. It definitely (I think) makes it a little harder to lose weight and easier to gain (for me). Good for you on the walking. Let me know - sounds like you've done it before but does that Alli stuff work? Is it an appetite suppressant? I know I can read about it - just have not known anyone who has used it.


Comment edited on: 1/30/2012 10:28:23 AM

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SLIMMERJESSE 1/30/2012 10:00AM

    I used to do so much networking for former employers that I got very burned out. Yes, I agree as I hate it now. I also walk a lot daily and am dealing with some of the same thoughts. Thanks for sharing yours so eloquently.

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THERESAJF 1/30/2012 9:59AM


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