Monday, January 30, 2012
Today is the start of an experiment.
I am back on alli for 30 days, to see if it makes a damned bit of difference.
I suspect all it will do is force me into stricter portion control. Which is fine for losing, and I may very well lose a bit during these days. But I know myself. I'll also get a bit nuts.
My husband asked me - what will you do if it works? Will you stay on alli? And my answer was, probably not, even if it does work. For, right now, I don't see the virtue in making myself insane for sustained periods. But we'll see. Perhaps I'll change my mind. There's also the question of the expense. But I've paid for this course. Let's see if it works before we go jumping into another one.
The other thing, which is very odd to me, is that, if I get through all of today and tomorrow, I will have gone through all of January without TOM. And that would be the first time that had ever happened since I was about 11 1/2 years old (I'm about 49 1/2 right now). Perhaps I am good for 38 years of fertility. I dunno, and have now hit my ovarian expiration date. I know, for sure, that menopause is a game of fits and starts. I may very well be back to it in a month or so. No celebrating yet, no symbolic burning of the Kotex box or anything. Wacky.
Life's been meh. I am looking for work, and so that's what I do with my time. I send in resumes, I accept recruiters' calls and I try to remain positive throughout. I tweak my resume whenever I'm feeling that no one's paying enough attention to me. And I try to network on occasion, but I truly despise that game. And I have found, over the course of my life, that networking hasn't done squat for me, except get me an essentially volunteer gig at the robotics joint.
I am also a walking fiend these days, going a good 80 minutes or so every day, rain, snow or shine. I'm mainly going two routes, which are partial mirrors to each other. I've found, in my area, those are the best routes, in terms of giving me a serious hill to climb, enough space to get 80 minutes' worth in, and they also maximize the potential for seeing pettable dogs or cute bunnies and chipmunks. Hey, I've got my priorities, although I may go elsewhere today as the bunnies and chipmunks have been on vacation for a while.
So, life goes on, as I await my first Unemployment check, I work on our taxes and make sense of my world as best as I can. One of the ways that things make more sense to me is by scheduling 5Ks. I've got eight set so far for this year. The other two just aren't up yet for registrations. Plus we may hunt around for another one, for April, as that month is oddly missing a race (the race that would've been in April is, instead, on March 31st this year). Two hundred plus dollars for registration fees. When the other two or three come in, I think it'll top $300 for the two of us for the year. Plus we get tee shirts and snacks, the occasional finisher medal and a boatload of entertainment and focused conditioning motivation.
Onward, ever onward, ever pacing, ever doing, ever thinking, ever analyzing, ever yearning.
Monday, January 23, 2012
And lo, I am off to the races.
I have already met with a recruiter. I find those to be utterly useless meetings, but the dude told me, "I place maybe 5% of the people I only talk with on the phone, but I place over 70% of the people I meet in person." So I trudged over to Wellesley. And ... whatever. It was lovely. I was bubbly and sparkly like I try to be for interviews, and they promised this, that and the other thing and when I got home I called my four biggie references and they all said, "Sure, we'll recommend ya."
And then, of course, nada, because, like I indicated, for me that sorta stuff never seems to work. But - nice try. 'Course it may work later. I have, after all, gotten jobs during the last dozen years, and almost all have been through recruiters. Plus it counts for job search-y stuff when Unemployment checks up.
So that is my life, following up on leads, dealing with Unemployment, trying to get ahead with certain in-house stuff (I'm on a decrapifying kick, plus I do the wash now, I clean up more these days, that sorta thing) and also walking around the snowy streets in order to get some cardio. We had our first snowfall where there was anything appreciable to shovel, and Mr. J and I were out for an hour to take care of it. I feel totally fine from it - these days I am, I kid you not, in awesome shoveling shape.
As for weight loss, I am doing pretty well. Right now I'm a pound down from the first of the year and, while that ain't much, it's still going in the right direction. One thing I am endeavoring to do is to make the number of loss weeks exceed the number of gain weeks in 2012. Last year, it looks like I had about 6 or 7 more gain weeks than loss weeks (plus there were 2 weeks where there was no change). That's not good. Of course, if I have 6 or 7 more gain than loss weeks, but the overall gain amount is less than the overall loss amount, then life is grand, right? Well, yeah, but I am looking, right now, not only for an overall loss, but also for some consistency. So far, this year, I've got 3 loss weeks and 1 gain week, so, yay me.
Anyway - life at home isn't awful; it's just kinda dull. But I stay upstairs, where there are few snacks, drink my water, deal with the consequences of said water drinking and hang out online, doing Sparky stuff and also looking for work, until I figure it's time to go out and walk around the neighborhood.
So far, so good, in 2012.
Monday, January 16, 2012
This blog is, in part, a sequel to last week's, which was about The Fat Trap (just check out my blog called I Just Might Stop and Check You Out. The link is in there), a New York Times article about just how mf'in' difficult it is to lose and, even more importantly, keep off a boatload o' weight.
But it's also about news.
And the news is, I am on the prowl again for a new job. Not gonna put the reasons out there. I know that employers Google and connecting my userid to my real name is far from impossible. All that matters is that there was a parting of the ways.
And so I am looking again. I dislike looking for work but, fortunately, there is already interest out there. The economy here continues to improve, and this is a decent time to look, as employers have bright, sparkling new budgets.
My black blazer fits (although I probably wouldn't be able to wear it with a sweater on under it) and my nice pants fit and so, I presume, my black skirt fits and so I am ready to face the world of interviewing. I don't own scads of interviewing clothes mainly because I've been on semi-casual business attire for the last dozen years.
One thing I am in the mood to do is to get things a bit cleaned up around here, and decluttered. I had already started some of it, and now I've done more. Mr. J is pretty supportive with this as I think he is starting to see just how tiresome it is to pick through piles of junk. Plus sending most of this extra stuff to Big Brothers & Big Sisters means that we get a tax deduction. Too late for '11 but it's still helpful.
My mood is not somber, or even that reflective. It's more, just, get 'er done. We'll see how long that lasts, but right now that's how things are. I just have my list of what to do and am plowing through it, much like I do with the trappings of weight loss.
You don't have a daily plan? You don't sit down and figure out, either in the morning, or the night before, or even during the week, what you're most likely going to eat? You don't determine when you're going to sneak in exercise? You don't decide when water drinking will happen, so as to minimize the effects/product of said water drinking?
One thing I have been trying for quite a while is to plan out my life when it comes to weight loss stuff. Just, decide how things will be, and then execute the plan.
One of the things that I got out of the Fat Trap article was that, despite my best efforts, sometimes I couldn't plan and predict the outcomes. And that that was not a personal failing. I take some comfort from this. I won't tell you that I'm not annoyed that things aren't easier. And I also won't tell you that there aren't people who've continued to tell me - oh, you must not be trying hard enough. You're not being vigilant enough. Heh, no. Vigilance is important, yes. Making myself insane with food obsessions is not good, though. I refuse to make this a totally 24/7/365 project. Sorry, but it ain't happenin'. I have to find a job. I have a husband. I have ... a life.
Same thing with looking for work, actually. I refuse to make it my life 24/7/365. Sorry, folks, but I seriously doubt I am suddenly going to run into my dream employer when I'm out buying cod. And if I do, that person, I am sure, will not give a damn that, during obvious time off, I wasn't wearing interview clothes or prepped for trick questions or had a fresh copy of my resume available. You know, with my coupons.
There are folks who do that, you know, who answer every phone call with breathless certainty that this will be THE ONE, and are ready at 7 AM or 8 PM to yap on about paradigms and five-year plans and the like. But that is not me. You call me on my own time, guess what? Your call is going to go to voice mail. Because - surprise! - that's what it's there for. I will get back to you during business hours, like a freakin' NORMAL person. I will only answer if you and I planned to talk at that crazy hour. Then, no sweat, I am here. Let's do this.
If that works for you, awesome. Go for it. If eating a lemon wedge and a slab of raw tempeh wrapped in romaine make you lose like a house on fire, you go and you do that.
But don't expect me to.
The difference - and it is an undercurrent in the article, but not really spelled out there - is that, surprise, surprise, PEOPLE ARE INDIVIDUALS.
Amazing, but true.
See if you can spot some differences?
* Food eaten as a child
* Weight of parents
* Longevity of parents
* Body composition/overall fitness
* Exercise regimen
* Foods eaten today
* Foods eaten last year
* Foods eaten during the last decade
* Water drinking
* When water is drunk
* Access to and use of medical care
* Current weight
* Weight at heaviest
* Weight at lightest while current height
* Current Height
Some of these matter more than others. What I ate for breakfast on March 18th, 1997 is probably not that important any more. But I bet my genetics still matter. And my age. And my gender. And my current weight. And my ....
In both of these instances - weight loss and job searches - I think a lot of us tend to subscribe to a one size fits all mantra. And I think we do that because there is so much information out there, and it is so vast. It's difficult to get our arms around it. But we have gotta try. Because pushing out a bunch of generic resumes like just so many sausages is not going to get me a job any more than following a weight loss plan tailor-made for someone else is going to make me super-successful in weight loss.
Onward to greater glories, in both areas.
Monday, January 09, 2012
If you haven't seen this article yet (and it's been all over Spark, although I have yet to see any sort of an "official" take on it, but perhaps I have missed it), I urge you to.
There is new science, confirming some things that a lot of us have suspected about weight loss all along -
* People who lose weight, regardless of how quickly or slowly they do it, where they start from, where they end up, whether they do weight training, whichever method they use, whether they even exercise at all, whether they drink water, no matter how well they eat or they shun processed food, whether they are vegan, etc. etc. etc. whether the freakin' planets align - they (WE) all share one thing in common - they/WE need FEWER calories to maintain.
* Some people have an easier time putting on the pounds than others do.
* Eating right doesn't guarantee weight loss, although it makes it more likely to happen.
* The simple equation of 3500 fewer calories out = 1 pound of weight loss is false and simplistic and should be taken out and shot, along with the Flat Earth theory.
* Life ain't fair.
So. What does that mean?
I current weight 213 or so; I forget exactly what I was this morning and I'm too lazy to check my ticker. :) I used to weight 346. I also used to weigh 126, 146 and 216, at various stages of my life. The amount of calories needed to maintain my current weight (not lose, just maintain) is LESS than the amount of calories I would need to maintain it if I were on my way up from 210, rather than down from 346.
In other words, losing weight shmacks the hell out of your metabolism. It kills it off, no matter how much weight training, etc. you do. And, that's lovely, when you consider that I run more than I ever have. Back when I was 126, I would barely get up. A walk of 2 miles would easily give me shin splints. Now, I'm perfectly fine with that, and more. Yet I undoubtedly need fewer calories to sustain myself. Pain in the patoot, eh? Aging stinks, yanno.
Weight is heredity + environment. Got big parents? Your chances of being obese are greater. Got a pantry full of processed junk, or grew up with one? Your chances are higher then, too. For people who know me on FB, there are plenty of pics of my family. And you will see what we have in common. At 213, I am one of the skinniest people on my mother's side. What you should also know is, at 346, I wasn't one of the heaviest. I was in the middle.
As for environment, I have been cooking for years. Yes, Mr. J and I go out to lunch at least once per week, and we go out to dinner once per week as well. And ... that's it. Breakfasts are oatmeal, Cheerios or an egg whites-only omelet made at home with vegetables and a small amount of cheese so as to make it edible. Lunches are vegan soups, the aforementioned one day out in Chinatown, a turkey burger, skinless chicken or a sandwich made from tuna packed in water. Dinners are homemade except for one night per week, so they are often homemade low sodium chicken soup, homemade vegan bean soup, whole wheat pasta with low sodium marinara sauce and vegetables or homemade jambalaya which is skinless chicken, vegetables and various spices over plain brown rice. Dinners out are usually Vietnamese, Indian, Thai or seafood, with some Italian grilled chicken thrown in there on occasion. We don't eat fast food. My tracker is out here for all to see, and has been so for years.
What other environment stuff? 8 cups of water? Pshaw - try 11. 20 minutes of weight training every morning, no excuses, with 50-pound weights. Walking every day when I work and then longer on the weekends. Snow shoveling or swimming as appropriate. Ten 5K races in a year. I have been tracking my food, water and exercise for years.
So of course I gained a little over 8 pounds last year.
Did I mention life was unfair?
But be that as it may, I think the article is still rather helpful. For one thing, it is a way to answer people who seem to feel that you and I aren't trying hard enough, or we're being too ridiculous, that one brownie won't hurt!
Yeah, thanks. Get thee behind me, Satan.
It is good to have credible science to show others, to combat the naysayers and to show them that, hey, you may think I'm huge, but I try way harder than you ever will. And I do it with the baggage of my metabolism being put on life support. I don't deny that I put on the weight in the first place. I own that. But I do want others to know that even alli and plastic surgery weren't magic pills, that this is quite the slog and hey, it's for life! There is no "going off" this diet, for it is not a diet. It is a change in life. It HAS to be.
But I also want them - and you - to know that perhaps the biggest and best lesson in all of this is that we need to kinder to one another, and stop jumping to conclusions about not only the mechanisms of weight loss and maintenance, but also about each other. That 400-pound woman you see? She might be down from 500. She might need fewer calories (sad, but probably true) to maintain, let alone lose, than what you need.
So cut her some damned slack already. And while you're at it, cut yourself some, too.
Monday, January 02, 2012
My apologies for that not being such a great link. Here is a link to the lyrics - www.metrolyrics.com/coo-coo-u-lyrics
I really have no idea why this particular song isn't anywhere online. Wacky.
Anyway, onto the news.
This blog is going to be schizo, as befits the weird Manhattan Transfer song. So let's start with the more serious part, which is a bit of year in review kind of stuff.
FIRST PART OF THE BLOG
I'd like to start with weight and measurement differentials, but I don't want to just look at 2011 versus 2010. Actually, I want to go back to 2008, which is when I first started tracking all of this insanity. These numbers will all be from the first week of the respective years.
2008 346 lbs.
2009 235.6 lbs. lost 110.4 lbs., or 31.91% of total
2010 183.2 lbs. lost 52.4 lbs., or 22.24% of total
2011 202.8 lbs. gained 19.6 lbs., or up 10.70%
2012 211.4 lbs. gained 8.6 lbs., or up 4.24%
Total loss = 134.6 lbs., or 38.90% of the original total
2008 19.00 in
2009 13.75 in; down 5.25 in, or 27.63% of total
2010 12.50 in; down 1.25 in, or 9.09% of total
2011 12.50 in no change
2012 12.50 in no change
Total loss = 6.5 in, or 34.21% of the original total
2008 54.75 in
2009 42.75 in; down 12 in or 21.92% of total
2010 37.25 in; down 5 in or 11.70% of total
2011 38.75 in; up 1 in or 2.68% of total
2012 40.75 in; up 2 in or 5.16% of total
Total loss = 14 in, or 25.57% of original total. NOTE: This is one area affected by plastic surgery in 2010.
2008 47.50 in
2009 37.00 in; down 10.5 in or 22.11% of total
2010 33.25 in; down 3.75 in or 10.14% of total
2011 36.00 in; up 2.75 in or 8.27%
2012 35.25 in; down .75 in or 2.08% of total
Total loss = 12.25 in, or 25.79% of original total
2008 49.00 in
2009 38.25 in; down 10.75 in or 21.94% of total
2010 34.25 in; down 4 in or 10.46% of total
2011 36.75; up 2.5 in or 7.30% of total
2012 36.25; down .5 in or 1.36% of total
Total loss = 12.75 in, or 26.02% of original total
2008 59.50 in
2009 42.00 in; down 17.50 in, or 29.41% of total
2010 35.25 in; down 6.75 in, or 16.07% of total
2011 40.00 in; up 4.75 in, or 13.48% of total
2012 38.75 in; down 1.25 in, or 3.13% of total
Total loss = 20.75 in, or 34.87% of original total. NOTE: This is one area affected by plastic surgery in 2010.
2008 51.00 in
2009 44.75 in; down 6.25 in, or 12.25% of total
2010 40.75 in; down 4.00 in, or 8.94% of total
2011 43.25 in; up 2.50 in, or 6.13% of total
2012 43.25 in; no change
Total loss = 7.75 in, or 15.20% of original total. NOTE: This is one area affected by plastic surgery in 2010.
2008 64.00 in
2009 48.75 in; down 15.25 in or 23.83% of total
2010 44.25 in; down 4.50 in or 9.23% of total
2011 43.25 in; down 1.00 in or 2.26% of total
2012 43.25 in; no change
Total loss = 20.75 in, or 32.42% of original total
2008 32.25 in
2009 24.00 in; down 8.25 in or 25.58% of total
2010 20.00 in; down 4.00 in or 16.67% of total
2011 22.00 in; up 2.00 in or 10.00% of total
2012 20.25 in; down 1.75 in or 7.95% of total
Total loss = 12.00 in, or 37.21% of original total
Well, what does it all mean? It means I didn't have the world's greatest 2010, to be sure. I not only gained back nearly 20 pounds, but by the time it was done, I had gained inches almost everywhere.
But this year, despite gaining a little over 8 pounds, I lost inches in many areas, or stayed the same. Of course the overall loss from 2008 remains scarily impressive, but I am happy with the change from the first week in 2011 to this, the first week of 2012. I also feel stronger, and am just as if not more willing to do more.
I ran 10 5Ks in 2011, one more than in 2010. My times were, in general, not as good, but I was hauling around more weight - in particular, in 2010, I ran five of those races when I was under 182 pounds. I am absolutely not beating myself over declining times. They are completely understandable. But I am still out there, and I am still doing them. Hey, I walked almost five hours over this long weekend. And I am not hurting from that. I think that says a lot.
SECOND PART OF THE BLOG
I want to talk a little bit about embracing your inner freak.
I am talking about the oddness, the quirkiness, the strangeness. Not the sort of thing that can get you committed. It's more like, when you zig instead of zag.
I see these popular topics, yanno. And they are all about how can I get people to work out with me, or eat like me, or whatever. And yanno something?
So stop trying.
I don't mean to stop trying entirely, of course. It's more, stop trying to get everyone to conform to what you are doing because, for whatever odd reason, you feel like it's too strange and out there and somehow it's shameful or embarrassing or whatever.
It's not, and you're being ridiculous.
I mean, consider this. I am going to go out on a big, scary limb here, and assume that everyone here is beyond Middle School. We are all 18 or older, yes?
SO WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE ACTING LIKE 13-YEAR-OLDS???? Why are they behaving as if the only way they can get fitness or proper eating done is if it is, somehow, tied into some crowd?
When you get up in the morning, to dress for work, do you call up your friends, carefully color-coordinating your outfits so that you all fit in some harmonious manner, and aren't wearing the exact same thing?
"Like, oh my Gawd! Cindy! Tamera! Ashley! Britni! We have, like, GOTTA wear green spandex today! And, like chill totally fuzzy pink jeggings! Yeah! Shut up!!"
This isn't you?
Then why are you acting as if, when you try to order the salad, you somehow, instead, should go along with everyone who is ordering fries? Or feel, perhaps like you need some sort of a zingy comeback to explain yourself?
Here's your comeback -
I like salad.
Pretty cool, huh?
Or you want to walk to the shoe store, or whatever, and everyone else wants to drive. If it's not dangerous, then, well, why not walk? I recognize not everyone has the same capabilities. And people may be under a time crunch. But if you want to walk - yanno - WALK.
I have a coworker who has told me that - oh noes! - it's dark out now, and now it's oh so awful to walk for 20 minutes to get home from the bus stop. We are talking about a safe, well-lit area. So instead this person waits for 30 minutes or whatever for a ride.
Just start walking. You'll be fine. Forget what anyone says. Forget who's looking (they aren't). And if they are? Hell, flaunt it.
Embrace your inner rebel, your inner oddness, your inner quirk, your inner differences. Be the one who goes out there and does it while everyone else looks and points nervously but secretly wishes they could get away with what you are getting away with. The one they all talk about. You know who I mean.
Be THAT one.
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