I Thought, Oh God, My Chance Has Come at Last

Monday, December 19, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=INgXzChwipY

This is for everyone who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder. You know who you are.

The Solstice is in two days. Two!

And then it will begin to get brighter. So, yay on that.

But in the meantime, man oh man.

It suddenly got colder here. A LOT colder. We had been skirting around in the 50s, and it was lovely, but you also knew it was a lie. I mean, this is freakin' New England! It gets cold here during the winters. We have hard freezes! Every year! So, it was out of place and wicked bizaah.

I held out, in terms of wearing my winter jacket, until last week. And that was somewhat good, as last year I had gone to DefCon 5 with my bundling a lot earlier in the winter. This time, I held out, but it was the warm weather that helped, of course. If it had been in the 30s, well, then of course I would've grabbed my winter jacket earlier.

My winter jacket is also a lot less forgiving in terms of size than my autumn things. And so I was reminded that 2011 has been less than optimal in terms of weight. While things are not horrid (I weighed in at 216.6 this morning), they could certainly be better. I fear the subtle creep back on of weight, and I think that may be starting again. But it's hard to get enthusiastic about being vigilant right now. Life just feels cold and ugly and drab and draggy.

This is not a license to eat gobs of cake and I don't. Plus I do get the working out in. And I do it by lying to myself. The bus, you see, it gets on the highway to Boston. But there are numerous stops after it leaves the highway (this is in terms of the evening commute) and before it gets to the stop closest to my home. So I get off at the first stop after it gets off the highway, and I walk. This results in either 25 or 30 minutes of walking, with the differential dependent upon whether I take one bus versus another. It may not seem like a lot, but it is how I am getting it done these days.

As for the weekends, I make an effort to do the big walk on at least one of the two days, if not both. Last weekend, it was planned out for me as I ran the last 5K of the year, the Somerville Jingle Bell Run. I did not do so well, and could tell, but it is rather difficult to get anywhere near a PB when it's less than 30 degrees F out and you are mainly just trying to keep warm. I also totally forgot to take my performance enhancing drugs (Advil), so the aches and pains and slowness there was also caused by that oversight. But I did finish, and I got another nify finisher medal. :)

In the meantime, the light will come back, you know. It will come back incrementally, and sometimes we can lose patience with that, just as so many other things come back incrementally, and it can be tough to hang in there and wait for it all to happen. And as we goose it along, even then it may not come on our own personal timetables.

But it will happen.

For all of you SAD sufferers, there is a light, and it never goes out.

And that light is in you.

Enjoy the Smiths. :)

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I'm so Fly, that's Probably Why

Monday, December 12, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibsxpihjKmE

So, a big thank you again, as I was chosen as Motivator of the Day last week. :)

It turned into a very busy week, as I was not only thanking folks but also doing reporting, as we hit the first five business days of the month and a boatload of stuff is due. Kinda tired at the end of the week. I had been concerned that I did not have enough to do during the days and, at least last week, I did. So that's better in some ways, as I hate just sitting around, but not so wonderful in others, as I truly did not want to be filling my days with that stuff. Eh, it's okay. These are the cards that were dealt.

In other news, holiday shopping is done, including the Yankee Swap gift for work. Er, actually, I take that back as Mr. Jay's folks aren't done yet, but they will be soon. And then we can relax and start to think of gifts for each other. For me (and I know Mr. J reads these), I would like new unmentionables. Size 36C. Thank you. :)

Oh yeah, for those of you who are not New Englanders, I will now explain the Yankee Swap, in iambic pentameter.

Working in New England, it's holiday time
to not participate would be a crime
the Yankee Swap is the method for the madness
to banish Seasonal Affective Disorder sadness.

A number is selected - you really want one
'cause two has the least amount of fun
an example, here, we'll go with twenty
unmarked gifts, you see, the selection's plenty
number one picks first
the gift might be the worst.

Two then picks, unwraps a present
and can trade it for one's, which is kinda pleasant
three comes along and opens a third
and can trade it for one's or two's - my word!

And four and so on, until all are done
and then it comes back to number one
who can trade his gift for any other
so he gets the best, oh brother!

Spending limit is small, but don't be sad
if you pick my gift, you'll get colored pencils and a sketch pad :)

I always give either crayons or colored pencils and an unlined sketch pad. That way, I figure, if anyone needs to give a last minute gift for a kid, they can always regift mine. Scratch tickets and Starbucks gift cards, and cheap alcohol, tend to be favored, so it's often a contest to see who gets the best of the booze. Last time I played this, I actually got my own gift back (I did not have the best of numbers).

Our holiday party is the 22nd. I'll let you know if I get anything good (Yankee Swaps are also, often, a place for people to dump weird stuff from their homes. I could end up with an old picture of Carl Yastrzemski). C'mon one (the numbers are generally picked out of a hat)!

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Get Out of that State You're In

Monday, December 05, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7t7cGwN7_0

So, kids, it's December 5th. This means that the darkest day o' the year will happen in 16 days.

It also means that things will start to brighten up in 17 days.

Interesting.

It's all in the perspective, yanno?

I weighed in this morning at 211 and change.

Oh, my God! I'm 5'6"! I'm supposed to be 156! As in, 55 lbs. lighter.

Oh, my God! I used to be 346! As in, I am 135 lbs. lighter.

I will be 50 in less than 9 months.

Oh, my God! I'm getting old! I will never be bouncy again!

Oh, my God! I'm so much bouncier than I was when I turned 40!

This morning, I went into my less than optimal job.

Oh, my God! It stinks! I hate it! This is not what I wanna do for the rest of my life!

Oh, my God! I'm making money! People are nice! I'm making contacts!

My lower teeth are crooked. I've been going grey since I was 20 something. I can't sing. I don't go on awesome vacations.

My eyes are pretty nice. I do a good job coloring my hair. I can write. I stay home for vacations 'cause my house is almost paid for.

... And there you have it.

We can pick apart our own flaws, and the flaws of others, until the cows come home. We are all observant enough people. Surely we all see the flyaway hair, the slightly smeared makeup, the jiggly butt, the uneven fingernails. Or we can see the eyes that are like a window to the sky. And the smile that lights up a whole city block. And the proud stance. And the confident walk. And the wisdom in a look, or in words.

And we can see the essence from within, yes?

Can we see that in others?

I sure as hell hope we all can.

And can we turn that mirror inward, and see it in ourselves?

I sure as hell hope we all can.

Get out of that state you're in.

Slip into a better one.

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Will You Meet Me in the Middle?

Monday, November 28, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzUQZw3wfro

I had a lovely Thanksgiving. And how 'bout yourself?

We did not go overboard, but one thing is clear - they don't sell small turkeys. I found the smallest one in the store, and it was still a good 12.7 pounds. This was for two people. Hence, we have many turkeyesque leftovers at home. But that's fine; it'll help to keep us going over the winter. There will be weeks when we want chicken soup - so we'll have turkey soup instead. It's all good.

The remainder was, as this holiday always is, painfully carb-centric. A yam (yes, just one, and sans seasoning, just nuked), mashed taters (also sans seasoning; I took very little of these as we have them every week so they are not a once a year treat), homemade cranberries (just an ounce or so of boiled berries with sugar, which is a necessity because otherwise I'd be puckering until 2057; the remainder were frozen), mixed veg, salad, smoothies, homemade stuffing (just cubed bread, chestnuts, sage, onion powder and it was tossed into the turkey pan drippings - probably the fattiest item on the menu. Maybe three ounces of this), and stuffed mushrooms (hollowed-out portabellos, the insides chopped with oyster mushrooms and mixed with a breading mix, then baked, no other seasoning. The breading mix was a bit salty. Again, around three ounces or so).

Aside from the turkey, we also have leftover stuffing (we'll freeze the remainder tonight). Everything else is gone.

Plus we walked/jogged every day of the long weekend, for over an hour each time, and I got writing done even though I did less cleaning/decrapifying than I had originally planned. I also winterized my closet and had good calls with the family.

All in all, I consider it to be a success.

Oh, and I gained 1.4 pounds.

Now, there are folks who would have totally led with that little tidbit. And it is well within their rights, of course.

But yanno something?

It is freakin' Thanksgiving.

As in, it comes but once a year (or at least it should). And, as you can see, we did not go overboard (notice there are no desserts? That's right; we didn't make any) and we worked out every day. 1.4 pounds is easily within the ping-ponging that I have now been doing for a couple of years.

I am past beating myself up over every blip on the scale. I would get upset if the holiday had been pie-centric. Or if the portions had been seconded and thirded in an endless stream of carbs and fat and salt. Or if we were planning on doing it all again tomorrow.

But it wasn't, and we're not.

Now, keep in mind that we do not celebrate Christmas. And Chanukah is not, aside from latkes, a huge foodie holiday. It is certainly not the feast that Christmas is.

So - guess what?

Life is grand. Most things went well. A few were less than ideal. But the world continues to spin and I am feeling pretty damned awesome about the whole weekend.

Except for the fact that I'm back at work today .... :)

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You Never Call, Baby!

Monday, November 21, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LyDhPP8b6w&
feature=fvsr

Well, sure ya do. So don't worry about that.

Anyway, here we are, Day 3 billion or so, on this journey.

I took a look at my weight for the past few months or so, and I have ping-ponged around. Truly, it ain't so bad when it comes to maintenance. I would like for it to be better but it is definitely within ranges. I know that I do the tracking, etc. I suspect that my exercise estimations are high and my food estimations are low. And that is the crux of it so there ya go.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, don't settle, etc. yes I know the drill, I have heard the drill, I have said the drill, I have recited the mantra. I do not need information.

I don't even need bun-kickage, so far as I can tell.

Right now, it's mainly me settling into a routine/the dark/knowing that things are going to be less than optimal for about another year.

I am truly, madly, deeply bored with work.

I know I have said this.

And yeah, I was out of work for nearly 2 years so I should be hopping on the Grateful Train. And it's not like, totally, I am off that train.

I like the fact that I have something focusing my days. I like that the commute is good, the people are lovely and my bank account and mortgage are doing what they are supposed to -- growing and shrinking in inverse proportions to each other. I like the fact that it is downtown and I see Mr. J and often friends from former work stints and we walk. That is all fab and a half.

It's the actual work part, folks.

Here's what I do.

I run database reports.

That is, a report is brought up on my screen, I check a few things (usually date parameters), I log in and I hit "process". In the meantime, I prepare the cover email (which is a template, but it needs to have the correct date put on it) and open the report template and change the date on it as well.

Once the report has run, I copy the results and paste them into the report template and sometimes into a part of the email or the like. I check things like margins and whether the graphs are working nicely and are pulling all of the data.

I step back, admire my work like the Reporting Goddess that I am, convert the report to PDF form, save it in the trillion and one places where it is supposed to be saved and then send out the email.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Over and over and over again.

You may be saying to yourself - where's the creativity in this?

There is none.

Where are the margins for error?

There are plenty. I have messed up dates, formatting and even corrupted a query once. I have forgotten attachments, too. About the only thing I have gotten right, on a truly consistent basis, is the distribution lists, and that's 'cause these are email templates so you can kinda set and forget 'em. Oh and I do things on the correct days because these are set in my calendar.

This is not through lack of competency.

It is through lack of interest.

The reports are going to be, at least partly, automated. This is because so much of this is at a stage that a trained seal could do it. I will not lose my gig when the reports are automated, for there will be other dull as dishwater reports to do by then. The ennui will abide.

I know, I know, I know!

STOP COMPLAINING!

YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS!

PEOPLE ARE OUTTA WORK AND WOULD LOVE TO TRADE PLACES WITH YOU!

Think I don't tell myself those things?

I hear that Greek Chorus from Hell every day these days.

It is settling that kinda, in a lotta ways, got me into this. Settling got me into my weight mess as well.

Not settling is going to get me out of both.

But in the meantime, I am on a contract, and I am here for another 12 months, possibly more if the newer software isn't installed on time. So I need to learn to live with it, and accept it and, if not love it, at least stop resisting it so damned much.

I need to redirect that resistence and that fury and that desire into doing for myself.

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