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Why is the last mile the hardest mile?

Monday, March 14, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWL9vYXP6tU

I ran the first 5K of the year yesterday.

Ow. I am tired.

Oh, and Elisel also ran it, so please check out her blog as well: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=4088621


Anyway, the 5K. I did okay. This is my 16th 5K, and my time was 8th overall. Which is not bad but not awesome. I weighed 205 (I lost a pound yesterday, apparently, heh) and my time was 43:07.

Hence I decided to do a comparison, and figure out just how much my weight is affecting my times. And here's what I came up with (keep in mind that the old scale broke somewhere in the middle of last year, so some of the pound #s from them are probably understated by 20 or so, I kid you not):

Date Time Weight
6/25/2009 1:04:04 196
7/5/2009 0:43:36 192
9/7/2009 0:43:32 188.8
10/3/2009 0:42:13 184.6
11/8/2009 0:38:12 183.2
12/13/2009 0:41:48 179.4
4/18/2010 0:40:31 181.2 scale may have been broken by now
5/1/2010 0:40:44 182.6 scale may have been broken by now
7/17/2010 0:47:26 173.2 scale was likely broken
8/21/2010 0:43:36 170 scale was likely broken
9/6/2010 0:46:39 170.6 scale was likely broken
10/2/2010 0:43:04 205.6
10/30/2010 0:44:27 204.6
11/7/2010 0:41:17 202.4
12/19/2010 0:45:33 203
3/13/2011 0:43:07 205

What I'm seeing is, the numbers don't change too significantly, and I can even end up with a slower time when I'm thinner (see 12/19/2010 versus 3/13/2011, and that's the exact same course). About the only thing that gets close to consistency is the fact that I tend to do better when it's cooler out.

After that, though, it's harder to tell.

Am I more muscular these days?

In some ways, yes. My measurements are decent, still, and comparable to earlier days although I will admit that I am up a size, fitting more into 14s than 12s. I know I look fine, and my brother, who had not seen me for months, thought I was about 160 or so, and on maintenance.

Heh, nope.

And that, I think, is a big part of why the last mile is the hardest mile. Man oh man. I feel like I have been doing this forever. I am about to hit 100,000 fitness minutes here. I drink about 40% more water than I'm supposed to. I get enough sleep. I go to a gym 2x/week. I stay within a 1600 - 1800 calorie limit, and attempt to give myself variety. I don't go out to eat too much. I watch the salt intake. I attempt to balance carbs to protein to fats.

Yet --

I have been kicking around, from about 201 to 205, for months. As in, at least since September of '10 when I finally replaced the scale but, truth be told, it's probably a lot closer to back to around August or even July of that year.

Yeah, I've been kicking this around for a good 6 months or so. I think that's a fair assessment.

And, I gotta tell ya, this time, it's HARD.

It's not that I don't want to do ANYTHING. But I have plucked the low-hanging fruit. That went into the basket a long, LONG time ago. And I do reach and strive for the higher stuff. But right now, it's difficult.

I cannot say what I should do, or where I should go. And I'm not exactly putting this out there in order to ask for advice. Just, more, as a statement.

It ain't easy to get over the last humps.

I know I will get there, at some point.

But right now, it's just tough.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LBEEKMA 3/19/2011 11:18AM

    Thanks for sharing your continued struggle. I can so identify with this. I sailed to a 15 lb loss from July to Oct 2010 and then started stagnating in Nov/holidays. With a lot that I've faced personally recently, I'm now up 7 lbs, but I refuse to give up.

Congrats on keeping up the 5Ks. I know that is making a difference, physically and mentally. We are worth fighting for!

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STRINGS58 3/15/2011 5:59PM

    I've been hovering in the same neighborhood -- it's been several months and I probably won't change my ticker after my MD appt tomorrow. I'm having cake to celebrate a 3 y.o.'s birthday tonight.

My reaction to the blog is to get off the scale. You've conquered many things. If there's something you've missed, it's hard to tell because you've been thorough. Focus on improving those numbers, the fitness, the things you want your strength for. The mental/emotional fatigue here is more intense than the physical fatigue.

emoticon

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SWEETZMIX 3/15/2011 11:03AM

    You can do it! I am on my second round after gaining some weight. I had a rough year and life happens, but don't give up. I haven't!! I know part of it is, that I know now it's OK if I mess up b/c there is always tomorrow. When before, I did not leave a lot of room for error. I think things will pick up as the weather gets warmer!

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DDOORN 3/15/2011 9:51AM

    You BET it's HARD! Yet, hey, just can't even THINK about reverting to the bad-old-ways, right? That kind of "hard" is not our kind of choice! :-)

Don

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WOLFKITTY 3/15/2011 1:16AM

    I hear ya! Hang in there.
HUGS!
I'm always here for you, and will forever be grateful for the awesome presence you've had in my life.

Jocelyn

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LAB-LOVER 3/14/2011 9:44PM

    Oh, I am RIGHT there with you.

And I want to lose it. Or do I?
Could it be that I don't quite care as much? That I'm settling for "good enough" -- I find myself pondering that often.

I'm making another push these days... but the progress is so slow. I reached my low in September 2008 and have been farting around ever since.

Same as you, maybe, people don't SEE the weight I've gained. But it is most definitely there...

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 3/14/2011 6:23PM

    I know you're just venting, but here's a suggestion:

Try eating more protein (like 150g per day) and lifting heavier.

And feel free to pop by the High Intensity Thinkers team if you want some other suggestions to shake things up...
http://teams.sparkpeople.c
om/hitsquad
I think you'll enjoy the analytical, no-nonsense approach of those folks. We read the literature and do experiments on ourselves. It keeps this process interesting, if nothing else...

It IS a long haul. I feel ya Chica. Hang in there, whether you decide to shake things up, or not.
emoticon

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KSGROTHE 3/14/2011 5:50PM

    I've always heard that the last 10 lbs is the hardest to lose, but I haven't gotten close enough to my goal weight to verify that yet. emoticon

I do know that I have struggled to get back down to the low I saw in May 2009 since I've been tracking using SP. It seems hard to stay motivated for the long term, and I've let stress and other factors derail me.

Keep the faith. You'll get there. emoticon

- Karen

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MS.ELENI 3/14/2011 5:15PM

    Hang in there.I know you can do it. You will get it going again.
I think it is great you ran another 5K.How long it took means nothing to me.I just think it is awesome you did it. emoticon emoticon

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VEEJAY3 3/14/2011 11:36AM

    I got nothin'.
'Cause I completely agree and know it to be true.
Guess I'll just sit here and keep you company, without offering any nuggets of wisdom.
emoticon emoticon

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DMPRIDER 3/14/2011 11:05AM

    Oh I totally hear you on this. My weight has crept up a few pounds over the past year and it is so, so much harder to re-lose those 10 now than it seemed to be the first time. Even when I'm doing everything right. I have no advice either. I've tried changing up my workouts to make them more challenging but that seems to lead to minor injuries that set me back even further. I'll keep striving and tweaking things and working on it. Good luck to you.

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IFDEEVARUNS2 3/14/2011 9:50AM

    I don't know what to tell you except I understand exactly what you are talking about. As for me, I've gained weight since I started running. Some of it is muscle, some of it isn't. My clothes don't fit the way they did, but I no longer have the body I did. My shape has changed. I was looking at pictures of myself running. At first I saw all the flaws, the things I hate. And then I noticed a muscular body and had to rethink things. I'm not offering advice as I myself am in search of it. Just gotta figure out what to do next.....

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They're Falling Down Like a Domino

Monday, March 07, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjI4p8_NZVc&
feature=related


I went to my folks for the weekend.

My parents are downsizing and are looking to get into an apartment/condo. This means clearing out their house, which they've been in since 2 weeks before I turned 10.

I'm 48 years old.

So there's a lotta stuff.

But there's less. They've been clearing out for a while. My stuff was long gone, just a few small things and I already got 'em. I was there for kinda moral support and to see the condo they've picked out for themselves.

My brother was there to clear out more of his stuff (after 14 bags of trash, 3 boxes of recycling and a box of stuff to take home with him, he is now down to just the stuff in his old room -- that was after doing this one time before and going through the cellar. He has a lotta stuff). And he was also there to see the proposed new place.

The place is, eh, it's okay. It's important to recognize that this is, by definition, going to be smaller and have far less character than the old house. And a lot more stuff will have to be deep-sixed. As in the living room and den couches are probably toast, the dining table may never have its leaves in it again, etc. The kitchen is oddly configured and, unless they put a freezer into a kind of satellite area, there will be no freezer. This is odd for two people who lived off freezer food (and frozen food) for decades. It's a big adjustment.

But the area seems fine, the people are friendly and the place is kept up pretty well.

It is a life transition. And they are often hard.

I also spent time with my mother. Because I didn't need to clean anything out, I figured I'd give her a break, so we went out clothes shopping for me (I needed some interview/work clothes) and to lunch. This left my Dad and my brother to clear stuff out and hammer or whatever it was they were doing.

And my mother told me that, well, if things turn out a certain way, I will be doing their finances. Don't want to get into details, of course.

Anyway, for those of you following at home, I live in Boston. My parents are on Long Island. My brother is in Maryland. If I end up doing the books, it will be, shall we say, a challenge. This is a downside to living away.

I was also asked -- what's your fondest memory of the house? And the truth was, none of us could think of one. Not that it was an unhappy place, it was more, I think, we were kinda put on the spot, plus we were tired. And, well, nothing leapt out. I remember a less than optimal Sweet Sixteen party. I remember years as an isolated, depressed teenager -- if it had been now and not the seventies, I suspect I'd've been medicated.

It's a transition.

Not unlike the ones we are voluntarily attempting to do to our bodies right now.

Life changes. We adapt as well as we can. We move on. Or we cling, and we cry and we wail against the inevitable. But it doesn't matter what I think about aging -- it's still going to happen. My views on death are meaningless -- it is still everyone's fate. What I feel about weight loss isn't, truly, vital -- it's going to happen, or not, and not because of my mind.

Or will it?

We talk about attitude here, and about feelings a lot. And there is an enormous emotional component that goes along with this. What we feel DOES matter -- but the truth is, it does matter less than whether we move our bodies, and make good food choices, yes? All the happy sunshiney thoughts will not will the pounds off us if we're not working out and eating right, and eating less.

Last weekend, there was very little exercise unless I made it happen. The eating was generally abysmal and done in restaurants. Out of six meals (Friday dinner, Saturday all day and Sunday first 2 meals), I had them either in restaurants or composed of leftover restaurant food for all but 2 of those -- and those were the 2 breakfasts. Exercise was resistance bands and maybe 10 minutes of walking/day, unlike the usual 60.

And yeah, I've gained, although some of that is also TOM.

And I see how my life was, and what my teen years were like and, perhaps, a part of why I was such an isolated and depressed teenager.

I am no teenager. Isolation, if it happens, is my own doing. I take full responsibility for same. And I don't blame them.

Every now and then, I suppose, I need a reminder. But I don't look back there. It's not the house that made me happy (and it didn't).

Look forward, or you really will fall down like a domino.

Move forward.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUEENOTHEFOREST 3/17/2011 9:34PM

    Phew. Good words. Touched some sore spots. Glad I had a chance to read this.

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LMB-ESQ 3/10/2011 7:58AM

    Great blog. My parents moved out of my childhood home 20 years ago. And I remember the dredging up of memories, both good and bad. And I did the same thing you're doing, taking stock, trying to reconcile past to future, and then deciding the future is where we need to face. Now my mother is doing it again, moving into a condo from a 29 acre wooded lot. It will be a big change for her too. And now it's the grandchildren who are doing the taking stock and the dredging of memories. You do seem to have a very healthy attitude about all of this. And you're right, we can't blame them for anything. They did the best they could with whatever tools they had, and in the end, we are responsible for our own choices. Once in awhile, it is good to look back at the past, just so we can see how far we have come.

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STRINGS58 3/10/2011 7:36AM

    I wonder if we ever really stop getting to know ourselves? Seems you went a little deeper. The compassion for yourself is available -- maybe something you didn't have as a teen. A chapter has closed. How you walk into the next one does set the tone, now doesn't it.

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TRACYZABELLE 3/10/2011 5:27AM

    Check on them often-- change can be hard on older folks, MY nana lost a lot of weight when she moved and we were scared!!

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DDOORN 3/9/2011 9:39AM

    In my opinion, it is ALWAYS a good thing when people down-size and boil their lives down to the bare essentials...! I know we still have a LOT of boiling to do...always a work in progress!

What we feel AND moving our bodies matters TREMENDOUSLY! And most times (although not always) these work together: moving our body improves our feeling and outlook and vice versa.

Don

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PICKIE98 3/8/2011 6:54PM

    I have been doing my moms financial for awhile now,, no formal training and am glad I listened when the investment papers started coming in!!
My dad had Alzheimer's for a few years before he died,, mom has dementia now and I just put her into assisted living,, (very long story) and I have total responsibility of everything of hers..

Her house is packed with junk, very few valuables, except some very rare BEER stuff, clocks and signs and such, but at some point after she dies, I will have to clean it out too... with money-grubbing sister,,,
I hold very few memories of that house since I only lived in it for a couple years before I got married.. did have my reception there, happy time..
You have the right perspective on this building and the contents.. what did mom say HER best memory was?
Will we be the same pack-rats as our parents are?? God help my daughter,, sure hope not..

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SENATOR9 3/8/2011 9:30AM

    Great blog bring back memories of when my parents sold the house we were raise in Well done emoticon

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MARCHMAID 3/7/2011 6:06PM

    Happy memories. Hmm. Today not the day to try. Lovely blog. I'm in a fog right now so can't do it justice.


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JONATION 3/7/2011 4:14PM

    This is a great piece of writing. I would urge you to go back and try to answer the question about your fondest memory, I do not believe that the "less than optimal Sweet Sixteen party" was it. (Yes, I know you were being wry.)

I was once asked the same question and, like you, I was at first stumped or practicing some kind of avoidance, I came up with several less than optimal experiences. My questioner pressed me to stick with it and suddenly up popped a string of happy times and moments I had completely forgotten. They paraded across my mind as I relished each one.

It didn't change my view of my teen years which might have been as depressing as yours; what it did do was give me some balance, some pieces on the other side of the scale and that was worth something.
--J

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 3/7/2011 3:49PM

    After my dad died, we cleaned out his house. It took 6 of us a week. We filled up 2 20 cubic yard dumpsters. It was exhausting. The "before" picture on my page is from that week when we took a night off and went to see our uncle and cousins.

I couldn't wait to get out of that house. It was a nice house. It deserved to have happy people in it. I did not have very many good memories there.

You're right; it doesn't matter what we think or feel or believe, so much as what we DO in terms of being healthy. Or living.

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KSGROTHE 3/7/2011 2:25PM

    Great blog! It sounds like you have a very healthy attitude about your parents and your childhood. I sometimes wonder what it's going to be like when my parents decide to move. They are packrats, and the small house that I grew up in is pretty full of stuff. They've lived there 33 years this summer.

I'm sure you'll get back on track easily enough and that extra weight will drop off eventually. Keep up the good work!

- Karen

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MS.ELENI 3/7/2011 2:21PM

    Great blog but the one thing that jumped out to me was when you said. I don't blame them. Maybe because my brother is in town and and altho he isn't as bad as my sisters .They all tend to blame everything on our mother. I never did. I made the decision to do the things I did. And besides that the pasts is just that.Leave it there. I never blamed my mom and I do not feel to blame for dumb things my kids have and are still doing.
We are the captain of our own destiny.Read that somewhere

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CANNOTFATHOM 3/7/2011 12:52PM

    I agree that often times the best IS yet to come and dwelling on the past is counter productive. Sounds like you dealt well with a busy weekend that was also mentally challenging. Hope you have a great week!


Penny

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... And it Still is News

Monday, February 28, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_1LfT1MvzI

In order to provide more or less maximal contrast to last week's song, I offer Billie Holliday. :)

So, I attended a Spark gathering last night. W00p! Here is one of the photos taken:

Don't we clean up nice?

There were six of us -- Lab-Lover put it all together. Also attending were -- eek, I am gonna get userids wrong -- Malcontention and aaaccckkkk I am totally blanking on the user name of this lovely gal.

Oops. Totally my bad. I blame the ahi tuna.

Anyway -- we did have a blast.

And yanno, the funny thing is, no one gave us any kind of weird stink eye of -- oh, that's a buncha dieters and they should not be doing whatever, or eating that, or whatnot. I doubt anyone cared, or batted an eye. Would you? Would you care what we ate, or talked about, or wore, unless we were somehow bothering you?

Would you even notice?

I think we can all get caught in this rut of -- I don't deserve this -- or, one of my faves (and I have been on SP for a few years and have seen this in a few separate guises -- everyone will be watching while I'm exercising, pointing and laughing.

No, they won't.

Really, they won't.

And here's where the tough love comes in.

We need to get over ourselves.

Unless we are honest-to-God celebrities (God help Oprah Winfrey and Valerie Bertinelli and Kirstie Alley and all the others who've had rather public struggles with their weight), no one gives a damn.

REALLY.

So go out there.

Exercise. And do it in whatever way works for YOU.

Eat what works for you. Hell, make sure the server gets it absolutely right, and fight for your right to better food in the supermarket (or take your dollars and vote with your wallet at some other place if they are more accommodating to your needs).

Sleep as much as you need -- TV schedule be damned.

Drink the water, even if someone comments about you heading to the bathroom or that they think it's weird.

Who asked 'em, anyway?

Do what YOU need, with who YOU like and love.

The rest will follow.

PS We split a humongous dessert. And I'm down 2.6 lbs.

Go figya.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUEENOTHEFOREST 3/6/2011 5:57PM

    OH Dang I missed some good fun. Smart blog. Some day I will meet you. I am sure.

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KSGROTHE 3/3/2011 3:20PM

    emoticon blog!

I am struggling with eating too much and sleeping too little, as seems to be the usual for me. I've been letting stuff at work get to me too much. I need to take the driver's seat (referencing your earlier blog!) and get back on track doing what I need to do!

Keep up the good work!

- Karen

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SWEETZMIX 3/3/2011 9:20AM

    Looks like fun! And yay for dessert & the scale being down!

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STRINGS58 3/3/2011 7:07AM

    Love yourself, love life, love the child in you! Yes, I think that's the path to balance!

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TRACYZABELLE 3/2/2011 8:26AM

    emoticon

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LAB-LOVER 3/2/2011 5:36AM

    Yay for us!

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LIV2RIDE 3/1/2011 7:08AM

    I'm glad you were able to get together with fellow Sparkers. The support is amazing.

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JENIFIREHARP 2/28/2011 8:30PM

    emoticon

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CAROLISCIOUS 2/28/2011 7:49PM

    Awuh I am so JELLISS of the gathering. I love SP gatherings! Love the blog wisdom, too, baby!

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MS.ELENI 2/28/2011 9:50AM

    I love this.
Do what YOU need, with who YOU like and love

Great advice

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JESPAH 2/28/2011 9:41AM

    Elisel! That's the user name that was stumping me!

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DMPRIDER 2/28/2011 9:37AM

    I was so sorry I had to miss this but I'm glad to hear you all had a great time. And great advice of course, do what you need to do and don't worry about what other think. Chances are they are not thinking about what you are doing at all.

Good luck with the interview!

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MARCHMAID 2/28/2011 8:38AM

    I had a binge on Sunday myself: bread (homemade by me) peanut butter, a can of soup, lots of ice cream, rice with butter, brown sugar and a dollop of whipped cream, an orange--a mixed bag of good and not so good stuff that resulted in a major intestinal purge this morning with a 2 pound loss!

I think the old system likes new, different things once in a while! LOL

Glad you gals had a great time!

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DDOORN 2/28/2011 8:11AM

    Way cool getting together with fellow members!! Looks like you had a blast!

And yep, we're just ordinary folks, all of us. Living our lives with as much health and ALIVE-ness as we can!

Don

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FIT_TERI 2/28/2011 8:02AM

    I think it's awesome that you got to meet some SP friends in real life!! And you give some excellent advice here - who DID ask 'em??
Way to go on the loss!!

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KARBIE18 2/28/2011 7:42AM

    I knew CJ was heading off to meet some SP friends yesterday, but I didn't realize one of them was you! Sounds like so much fun!! Way to go on the loss, and you are so right about the advice - get over ourselves. Hmmmm. Will definitely keep that in mind!



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Pick Up Your Feet

Monday, February 21, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JdqJ1gj6gk

For those of you who don't remember this one-hit wonder (or, gulp, you weren't alive then, eek!), the song is called Driver's Seat.

And, well, we all know what that means. It means having control.

I think a lot of us got here because of a lack of control of some sort. Or, someone took it from us. Or we gave it away.

How many of us have sat down with a full bag of chips and then, suddenly, miraculously, it was gone, or half-gone? And there was no one there but you. So unless you've just violated the laws of physics (you know, matter and energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed), well, you know where those chips went.

Don't you?

Or you went to a party and they had all sorts of stuff. And suddenly your plate was full of that stuff, whether or not it was good for you, or you wanted it, or you were hungry, or you even liked it. And then that plate was empty and, again, unless you were pulling Einstein's leg, there was only one place where those hors d'oeuvres could have possibly gone.

Right?

Or you were over at your inlaws and they were serving whatever, and you were told -- either directly or indirectly -- that to refuse would be a grievous insult. So you took whatever you were given, and you smiled and said please, may I have some more? And maybe it got you brownie points although those were forgotten a lot faster than the consequences lasted and, once again, somewhere that stuff disappeared and it wasn't the dog who was responsible.

Or it was raining. Or, like today, snowing. And you just couldn't get your stuff in gear. So you didn't work out, and didn't find the time and it slid away and just as surely as E = MC2 you let the day go by without seizing it.

Or you were late, and couldn't find the time. But it wasn't a one-time thing which could certainly be understood. It was an all-time thing. Oh, I've gotta care for the kids. Oh, I've gotta do the wash or whatever. Oh, my favorite program is on and I must see it, even though it's a repeat. And midnight comes and you've lost another day on the way to, well, we all know where the road eventually leads, now, don't we?

Or you allowed someone else to dictate your life to you, long after you turned eighteen and were legally capable and responsible for it. You let your man tell you to not lose your curves, even though your curves included a 55" bust. And lest you think I am pulling that figure out of thin air, I'm not. for that's what my own bust measured, three years ago this week. I see this kind of manipulation more times than I care to enumerate. It is one thing to not want someone to turn into a stick figure and be malnourished -- it is another thing to be actively sabotaging someone's efforts. And, sorry, guys, but I see men doing this to women far more often than I see women doing it to men. And whether it's through love or fear or inertia or whatever, it doesn't really matter, for those women have allowed someone else into the driver's seat.

What I am asking of you, today, is -- shove the other drivers out of the way. Yeah, you don't have to be sweet and cutesy-pie polite about it. This is YOUR life, YOUR body, YOUR health I am talking about. No one should be driving the ultimate decisions that you make when it comes to those things. Perhaps I am a Boston driver after all, but no one -- and I mean NO ONE -- sits in my driver's seat. Not anymore.

Pull over, and switch.

Take control.

Don't let things just happen to you anymore, no matter what they are.

You are a grown-up. You have far better judgment than you may think. You have the right to your own selfhood. Don't let anyone else take that away from you.

And I think you'll find that the inhaling of chips slows down, if it doesn't stop altogether, for you have become mindful and you are beginning to understand that the brake pedal is under YOUR foot -- and it's been there all along.

And the exercise will start to happen more, too, because you'll begin to thumb your nose at the weather, no matter what it's doing outside, and you'll become better organized and you will fit in exercise because it's become important to you, and you wouldn't miss it anymore than you'd miss a dental cleaning. Because the gas pedal is under YOUR foot -- and it's been there all along.

And you'll find that, as your bust goes down to 39" (what mine was this morning) or lower or wherever YOUR comfort and health levels are, that you're still desirable and still beautiful and still awesomely curvy and sexy. Because that steering wheel is in YOUR hands -- and it's been there all along.

Just take your place in the driver's seat.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALERIEMAHA 2/22/2011 9:17PM

    The.Whole.Truth. Pure and simple. I need more of this. I need to REALLY hear it...again and again. Thanks for laying it out so lucidly, with some great story-telling to boot!
emoticon
Maha

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THECITYMOUSE 2/22/2011 7:56PM

    Amen, sistah.

emoticon

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STRINGS58 2/22/2011 6:03PM

    Just as long as I remember to get in the driver's seat every day -- and not to surrender it at night, or especially to the tv . . .

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WOLFKITTY 2/22/2011 1:25PM

    I have goosebumps, and it's not from it being 60 degrees in my apartment! You're superb.

Jocelyn
(I've always liked to drive!)

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MS.ELENI 2/22/2011 1:05PM

    I so need to get myself back in the drivers seat.Right now I am not even in the car

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DDOORN 2/22/2011 10:08AM

    There are SO many things that can cause us to give up the wheel...have to keep fighting for that Driver's Seat...it is SO WORTH THE EFFORT! :-)

Don

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 2/22/2011 9:50AM

    You tell the truth Sistah. And it needed to be told. Again and again. Because old habits and old excuses and old ways of relating are hard to overcome. Think I'll go back and read this a few more times.

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CAROLISCIOUS 2/21/2011 9:03PM

    I have taken back my workouts. Running with hubby is fun, but he calls the shots...when we go, where we go, how long we run, etc. It becomes about him and not about me. And, worst of all...if he bails...I bail.

It's all about me baby...I'm driving.

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MALCONTENTION 2/21/2011 2:12PM

    Yes! This morning I was lying in bed, and I thought to myself "I can stay here and wait for x, which almost certainly won't happen or I can get out of bed and do yoga for myself." I did the yoga, and I need to make decisions like this more often!

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ANONYGIRL 2/21/2011 12:47PM

    This is a great blog. I've really been defeating myself a lot lately, and I finally broke through and restraightened my head just last week. Went to the inlaws and, insult or no, refused all but the salad that was served for dinner. Taking me out of weight loss is a worse consequence than a fleeting slight that won't even be remembered.

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CODYG123 2/21/2011 12:30PM

    Hiya Jespah...
You terrier terror you! Good on you too. It's good to be sane about control. Seriously, this is a great blog, thanks for sharing. emoticon emoticon

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HEALTHYME47 2/21/2011 10:12AM

    You find the best classic videos! Great reminder about who's in the drivers seat on this journey.

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Me and My Heart You Steal

Monday, February 14, 2011

www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIXHks5z8Tw

Happy Valentines' Day.

But this entry isn't going to be about love.

Rather, I want to write about more, more, more.

AKA greed.

Overdoing it.

Too much.

Overeating.

Overexercising.

Just plain too much of whatever.

I eat well -- I usually have throughout my life, and not just now. Sure, I've inhaled bags of chips and the like. But I have tended to have good meals and am not a big drinker or desserts person. I was not much of an exerciser, though, which is one major change in the past few years.

And the other major change, which I struggle with a lot, still, is that old chestnut: portion control.

It's hard, even with a set of measuring cups and spoons, to get it right.

And it's not just in the case of food. It's for everything.

I have shorter hair than I've had in years. It's not super-short (it's just above my shoulders), but it's still a significant difference from a couple of years ago. Do I take less conditioner? Nope. I take the same amount, and over half of it bloops down the drain.

Do I squeeze too much antibacterial stuff on cuts? You betcha, and I end up cleaning half of it off.

Do I stuff too much lettuce into a pita bread (lettuce, folks, a good 8 calories per cup or so)? Yep, and it all falls out.

I continue to struggle with personal greed. With portions that, to me, don't even necessarily look right. But I see a plate and think -- I should fill this or that. And, yeah, I know about the trick about using smaller plates. Know what I do with smaller plates? I pile vertically instead of horizontally. Yeah. It doesn't matter, not significantly. I still make sure I fall within caloric and nutritional requirements. I'm not chowing down on 8,000 calories per day or anything. But I do, always, see the plate with greed on the mind.

So, what to do?

Oh, and exercise? I'm in a 100 days challenge right now. The challenge is to work out for 30 minutes/day, every day. I've done, hmm, I think it's over 40 days by now, something like that. But my average isn't 30 minutes -- it's a lot closer to 60. SP routinely yells at me for burning too many calories/week. But working out more is a good thing, right?

Well, kinda, sorta. It's good that I'm enjoying working out. And it's good that I'm still in on the streak. All of that is fantastic. But it's also, partly, a competitive streak that I didn't have before I started. Not that I want others to fail -- it's that I want to succeed MORE than they do. And it's also just plain overdoing it all. And so today I am exhausted, after 90 minutes of walking last night.

Oh and by the way, all this added exercise? I gained almost half a pound. It didn't, in the grand scheme of things, matter much except in the sense of building muscle (which I know I am doing as I am, again, seeing positive fit differences in my clothing). But I ain't seein' it on the scale.

Again, what to do?

Chill out? Eat less? Use smaller plates? Deprogram myself?

I think we are all conditioned these days, in the US, to feel that we have an enormous sense of entitlement. We DESERVE lots of wonderful stuff. And while my house isn't filled to the rafters and I make an effort to clear out my closet, I do, still, even after these years, have issues with telling myself -- enough.

More, more, more? How do I like that? Too much.

Time to let some of it go, and not just to bloop down the drain, wasted.

Time to take, and to do, less of it in the first place.

Methinks I need to take a chill pill and relax a bit.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CODYG123 2/21/2011 6:52PM

    Another seriously wonderful blog. It isn't surprising that when one's culture bombards them with greed patterns, that those patterns manifest. I say deprogramme yourself, have a look around at what is really awesome about being here and now and "your stuff" will become a more sane, and more relaxed, priority. And, ironically, perhaps "less stuff" will be what frees you.

I don't live there so i can only share my speculations and from-afar observations. Culture it's all about the first two inches in front of one's (and family) noses.

I have the same self-competition about exercise and eventually end up in a lot of pain. I'm my own worst enemy. So I see it and I try to adjust next time but haven't found a good balance.



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CAROLISCIOUS 2/20/2011 12:20PM

    Thanks for this post. I am struggling with food and it really helped.

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 2/17/2011 9:18PM

    Oh my are you writing my story? Love it.

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NYAYNE 2/17/2011 9:42AM

    I have to agree with the smaller plate. I often use a lunch plate for dinner. My DH now asks what size plate do you want. I think he feels guilty taking a dinner plate for dinner. If I do us a full size plate I put a salad on the plate before anything else. I must say for me, having salad or a light soup before dinner followed by a breather I will eat a lot less just like in a restaurant.

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STRINGS58 2/16/2011 8:39PM

    I really loved this especially since I'm real "off" right now -- I understand about the conditioner too!
I didn't want to spark even though I've subscribed to everyone's blogs so that I don't miss things-- and all I have is tons of unread email.

Today some of it is fatigue. My indulgence has been too many nights out in a row for two weeks. Lots of music making, but not much energy left for anything other than overeating.

more, more, more, how do you like it, sang out as I made that last statement!

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
gh! I keep reminding myself that I have created habit before, I can create habit again. I've fallen off the horse before, and I've gotten back on again.

Your are right about being programmed to deserve or be entitled to treats etc. That's rampant and advertisers have too much power to use sick stuff.

I hope you enjoy finding a way to champion this and have more time for the balance that you really enjoy!

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WOLFKITTY 2/16/2011 1:06AM

    I totally identify.
HUGS!
Jocelyn

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MARCHMAID 2/15/2011 12:09PM

    I'm an overdoer myself as you might have guessed--hope it doesn't take you as long as it did me to find pleasure in contemplation of doing less or occasionally just doing less. . .
emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/15/2011 12:09:37 PM

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TRACYZABELLE 2/15/2011 5:27AM

    I spread myself too thin not giving me enough of ME time

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JONATION 2/14/2011 8:28PM

    This is the most honest writing I've read in a long time.

Go for the streak! Jonathan

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TELERIE 2/14/2011 4:47PM

    Oh Janet! I see so much of myself and my own patterns in what you write. You ARE doing great. You're seeing results on clothes, and the scale isn't the only measure. You're aware and perhaps hyper-aware about some stuff. I try to teach myself that it IS ok to just do _enough_ without becoming all perfectionist about things.

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/14/2011 11:51AM

    I finally found a solution to my eating problem - now I routinely exercise twice a day, once at lunch and once after work. It seems to be helping both with my overall deficit, and also with controlling my eating, strangely enough.

I'm finally back to the weight I was around October.
http://tinyurl.com/4a-h
ealthy-bmi

Now moving onward and backward to July, and ultimately March. LOL

Oh and I discovered that Hulu Plus has back episodes of Biggest Loser, which I like to watch because it's one of the few TV programs I can enjoy without it wanting to make me eat!

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MS.ELENI 2/14/2011 10:03AM

    have you been peeping over my shoulder.I could relate to most of what you said. You have done awesome tho and you will do great.
Have a wonderful day today emoticon

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DDOORN 2/14/2011 9:27AM

    Great points...there is SO much proselytizing by the media about "having it OUR way" and how we need THIS and THAT to feel more complete and whole. Tough to swim against those powerful currents!

Kudos to your exercise streak! Working on the same here...except today have my socks knocked off with that ENT crud bug that's going around. Maybe I'll try to "coast" with a little Wii bowling...lol!

Don

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HEALTHYME47 2/14/2011 9:19AM

    Very insightful blog entry. I think a lot of us struggle with that "all or nothing" thinking. And no one likes to feel deprived. So maybe the urge to use "too much" of whatever (hair conditioner, lettuce, what have you) is coming from a place of feeling deprived on some level. Good for you for identifying this. This is going to be a lifelong journey of introspection.

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