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Hey, Letís Go All Over the World

Monday, September 20, 2010

So, like, what's new?

Me, oh nothing. Just a thirty-seven pound increase. In one week.

Huh? That's impossible.

Yeah, oops, you're right. It was actually 37.6 pounds.

Huh? So, er, jes, are ya pregnant? You know, with the World's Fastest-Growing Mutant Super Alien Ninja Baby?

Uh, nope.

So you had surgery and they put hardware in? Artificial leg, perhaps?


Incredible, Guinness Book of World Records-worthy parasitic infection?


Is it -- uh -- really possible to gain that much in a week? Like, lard cake for every meal, all week long?

No way. A pound is 3,500 calories, my metabolic rate is something like 2,000/day, so just to gain seven pounds in a week is to eat 5,500 calories/day, every day, with no working out whatsoever, and this is over five times that. Hence I'd probably have precipitated a heart attack by Thursday or so.

So what is it?

It's a new scale.

Yes, the old one was THAT bad.

It was lying, lying, lying to me even as my 5K times declined, and even as my clothes started to give me a hard time. And, looking at my measurements, they are comparable to when I was last between 195 and 205 pounds. I am certain that this one is accurate.

So I was never in the 170s, and God knows I was never in the 160s, although I definitely hit the 190s and may very well have hit the 180s. There was a slide, but it was not as huge a skid as the numbers would imply.

And it also got me thinking (and you know that's dangerous). If I can put out there, for the world to see, this crazy super mutant ninja weight "gain" (or difference, or correction, if you prefer those words), then surely every moment of shared intimacy is all right. I suspect, at some point, you will all yell "TMI!" at me. But until you do, my life to you is an open book.

Of course I have privacy. I have secrets and hidden things, just like everyone else. And I try to respect others' privacy (particularly my family's). But me you can get.

Am I disappointed? Only slightly. I love seeing happy, pretty numbers as much as anyone else does, I won't lie. But they are merely numbers.


Today's number is comparable to, I kid you not, late April of 2009. And what has happened since then? I've run, what, 11 5Ks. I've pushed myself into a new job and industry that I love. I've made friends. I've had surgery. I've blogged my head off.

Pretty numbers, ugly numbers. Heh, it's all good, dawg. Like I said in the most recent vlog, I'm catching myself before things become truly dire. I am righting the ship. I am going back to basics. I never stopped tracking, I never stopped drinking the water and I never stopped weight training, but I have been slacking off in the cardio department and I haven't been getting enough sleep. Both of those things are on my fix-it agenda. And I'm carrying all of you along with me, too (see, I toldja I do strength training).

Come along, my Super Mutant Ninja Rock and Roll friends. There are more and newer and better places to go, more than have been dreamed of in your philosophy, Horatio.

Hey, let's go all over the world.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYGEEBEE12 9/24/2010 8:50AM

    Wow -- now you got me thinking... I have hated our digital scale since the day my husband bought it a couple of years ago. You program it with your age and height, and it calculates your % of body fat or something-or-other, and saves your last 5 readings. I have never trusted it, especially since I am bottom heavy so it thinks I am 43% body fat. My daughter and I have never been convinced that it was accurate. I miss the old-fashioned needle type. And now, after reading this -- I think I am going to buy a new old-fashioned one. I wonder what I REALLY weigh.....

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DDOORN 9/22/2010 6:54AM

    Whew...what a cold shower...! But hey, you're rolling with it...they are just numbers and hardly can quantify all of the AWESOME transformations you've brought yourself!

Sounds like you already KNOW that and are moving right ahead to nail yet MORE satisfying ground! :-)


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TRACYZABELLE 9/22/2010 4:27AM

    Damn that metal monster! Grrrrrrrrrrr

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WOLFKITTY 9/21/2010 11:47PM

    Aha!! Awesome. You always have had a great attitude! I just realized that I wasn't getting announcements about your blogs, so I missed a BUNCH! Geez.

I'm here with ya. Let's rock on!

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NOLAZYBUTT110 9/21/2010 2:46PM

    I would not worry, its more than likely fat turned to MUSCLE! And you will find that happens. You may think you lost because your inches show it, but the weight scale alway seems to lie. Mien does to! Digital scales have a way of making you seem fatter. But with all those K's you waked or ran, ist mroe than likely muscle and muscle alway weights mroe than FAT! So ignore the numbers and check your measurements. I will bet your leg muscles are bigger~~ wave it off. You alway put on muscle just before you start seeinga drop in pounds! Dont let it get to you! Just tell yourself its MUSCLE and smile it off! I am sure within a certain amount of days or weeks you will discover I am right! Being more muscular means you may increase yoru weight but sooner or later the numbers will go down. THINK MUSCLE not fat! Go for a walk and shrug it off! (I ahd a scale that did that to me too! Dont you just hate those new fangled digital scales? (If my husband gets on it before me, I weight less, if I get on it first I weight at least one to 2 pounds more! Gte a kid to stand on the scale before you, truts me it will eb off a few punds when you get on. You cant trust a digital scale, they lie to you. I am almost tempter to go back to my ancient scale!) lol emoticon

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LAB-LOVER 9/20/2010 10:36PM

    I love Carol's suggestion! And it is just one more number. Doesn't hold a candle to all that you've accomplished! So there.

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EMMASMART 9/20/2010 7:30PM

    Apparently you occasionally step on the scale. Tricky, maybe I should try that.

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KSGROTHE 9/20/2010 6:30PM

    I appreciate your honesty! And, I must confess, I had to go check your SparkPage to see if you updated your weight tracker and was pleased to see that you did. So many times we want to lie to ourselves and to others about weight. I know some Sparkers who don't record their gains on SP, so their weight trackers stay at whatever their lowest weight was. Myself, I've been forgetting to update my official SparkPeople weight, but I've been tracking it on a challenge team each week. It's been going up and down, and I've not been making much progress. But I'm working on it.

Anyway, you're still doing great, even if you've gained a little. Now that you've got your shiny new scale, you know exactly where you are. I have no doubt you can get back on track!

- Karen

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MARCHMAID 9/20/2010 4:59PM

    Oh, OK. I'll accept that the scale is correct, but I'm never going near it! I want my own little corner of happy denial still, I guess. Your attitude is so perfectly you! Way to go! Yes, you have made progress and so have I. Yours has been visible and mine has been more psychological I guess.

TMI? Not a chance. I'm letting it pretty much all hang out with you and my select buddies (can't handle too big a group) so I guess it's onward, no turning back, keep a stiff upper lip, "don't give up Tommy Atkins be a Stout Fella, chin up, cheerio, carry on!" (DO you know that old tune from WWII? ) Saw/heard it in an old movie when I was a kid. ; )

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    So in the first place how can this be tmi when this type of information is exactly what we are all supposed to be focusing on?
In the second place If anybody doesn't like what we have to say they can go to another page. The end. For them.

What matters to me is that you and I are focused, focused and focused again. It is too easy to get distracted by life stuff. But in the end what is basic is our health, fitness and energy fed by our well being.

You are a trail blazer to me that is for sure. I'm pleased to be trotting along behind.

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SPARKLES_MCGHEE 9/20/2010 11:30AM

    Great blog!! I'm a frequent TMIer too, but sometimes it's good to just get it out there, ya know?

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MS.ELENI 9/20/2010 9:20AM

    Another great blog. You always get me to thinking emoticon

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CAROLISCIOUS 9/20/2010 8:38AM

    I like Fogerty much better than yodeling...

Well, rock 'n roll continually amaze me. You are right, the scale is just a measurement. Doncha wish there was a tool we could just step on that started blurting out all of the OTHER progress we've made???

Maybe you and your robotics buddies could come up with that?

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Metal Hitting Metal is All I Feel

Monday, September 13, 2010

The reason for the song is because I was recently in a car accident.

Oh, don't worry, It was nothing, a minor fender bender. Extraordinarily, I've now been rear-ended, I kid you not, ten times. In three different states. Heh, I must have a sign in the back of my car or something.

And, my ticker is all messed up. I *SO* did not lose seven pounds this week. The numbers are all over the place because the scale needs to be replaced. It's been faithful to me (despite my kicking it on more than one occasion) for over 2 1/2 years, so it's about to go to that great measurement paradise in the sky. The new scale will arrive in a few days, and I strongly suspect that my numbers are a good 20 pounds heavier than the ticker says -- this is because of how slow I've been running 5Ks and how my measurements are looking and my clothes are fitting.

My work life is semi-messed up in that I am beginning to really need more structure. Working for a startup is all well and good, and I enjoy the freedom but, at the same time, I also would love to get some plans nailed down, If you don't count this work, then I am rapidly approaching a year since I worked at the publishing company. This is a long time. I don't love long-term unemployment and, sad to say, I have already experienced it twice in my life. This is, essentially, time #3. With a startup, there is always the promise that somehow, someday, it will be funded and wonderful and off we'll go and our lives will change and all.

But ... that doesn't always happen and, in a continuingly poor economy, the likelihood is not as good. If nothing else, I need a day job, I am still waiting to hear about the most recent interviews so I am not totally out of the running but it is just so much more limbo and lemme tell ya, I really and truly despise limbo.

So. My car is disordered. My weight is disordered. My job is disordered. We are going on vacation in a few days and, while I love that idea, I know that the eating is going to be disordered. And that won't happen until we've gone through the Mass Innovation company appearance this Wednesday, which I am excited about, and want to go well, but I am tired of the ramp-up and kinda just want it done already.

Life is disordered.

But then again, it has always been so.

Have you ever had a perfect week, where everything went wonderfully? The dog didn't knock your sandwich off the table? The kids did their homework on time? Your spouse came home early, with flowers or a nutritious dinner so you wouldn't have to cook? Your boss gave you a raise (or, hell, while we're at it, a promotion)? Your car ran like a top? Your lawn was gorgeous? Your in-laws gave you the perfect gift? Your parents had a beautiful sharing day with you as you all gloried about the past? The world was living in peace and harmony? The lottery numbers came up for you? Yadda yadda yadda?

Me neither.

So, what do we do, when the dishes overflow the sink, the cat misses her box, the kids don't pick up their clothes despite you telling them for the umpteenth time, the news is depressing, the weather stinks, your favorites sports team loses, the toilet backs up and someone mentions termites and they're talking about your house?


We eat.



Eating caused none of those things and it does no good for getting rid of them anyway. It doesn't prevent the wreckage and it doesn't clean it up. It hides it. It pushes the cracked bumper, the brown lawn, the child with the F on her report card and the yelling boss into the background, but only temporarily. And when they return, those things are worse. They're dirtier, louder, smellier, more insistent.

Denial is oh, so easy. So many of us have lived in that mansion for so long. But it's not a mansion. It's a car wreck. It's broken glass and shattered plastic and dented metal. Sitting there and eating is not going to get you out. You need to unlock the door and lift the handle.

Get out of denial. Stop pacifying your problems with food. You are far, far stronger than you think. Go out and meet your problems head on. And I bet you'll find that, much of the time, they're not as big as you though they were.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LBEEKMA 9/18/2010 12:07PM

    Well spoken! There are so many reasons (excuses) for medicating ourselves with food and who feels better after that...definitely not us! It's so crazy that we punish ourselves like that for what others do to us? Boy, do I need to follow this advice...I'm working on it, though! Thanks for the blog!

Glad to hear you're ok!

Comment edited on: 9/18/2010 12:13:06 PM

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LAB-LOVER 9/17/2010 10:10PM

    Denial? Who? Me?
OK... yup, I gotta DO something!
Thanks for the swift kick.

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BAMAGIRL58 9/15/2010 6:03PM

    I love the way you express yourself and I swear I hear it all in my thoughts. The thing I love the most is how you wrap it all up. Thanks for putting words to my thoughts. Strange how very much more effective it is to see it in print.

I hope the disorder is calmed by a little vacation.

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DMPRIDER 9/14/2010 11:30PM

    This is a great blog. Thank you. Sorry about all the disorder. Hang in there.

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NOLAZYBUTT110 9/14/2010 8:55AM

    If I feel that bad I may go shopping for a new outfit.... feel a lot better for a while and it helps motivate me to eat right, and when you feel right, you start thinking right and life appears to look better! But without Jesus to focus on, I am just like everyone else...poor in spirit. So to get rich in spirit... so I can think right thoughts I alway make it a practice to devote some time when I get up, first thing in the morning to putting G*D in my life; first and foremost. It helps make it much easier to digest things that happen thru out my day when things do go wrong.It sure make a difference. If I did not have that in my life, I would be totally depressed, because nothing has ever gone the way I wanted! I have alway settled for what people dish out, and all those bad things until he came into my life. Now I try and reshape how others think who come into my path.

He has made the difference when I was in a car accident and my car got smashed up and I was nearly killed. That was the least of my porblems. I had a hard time and still do, sleeping and breathing at night. The ER people intubated me wrong and destroyed my breathing passageway. Nearly killed me in the process. Prayer got me thru it. It also helped when I got a viral infection in my lungs, helped when I broke my ankle as I was otu taking a walk in the park. He jsut makes like more adventurous and he keeps me focus on what really matters... loving life to the fullest despite all the bad in the world. If I allowed all those things to get to me, I probably would not get out of bed but cover my head and take a sleeping pill to escape it all. Because Life here and now is not so perfect for anyone. I just Hope others find the peace I have found to get me thru it all. Hope you have him oo.

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GEE-KNEE 9/14/2010 6:39AM

    Schedules and consistency are important. I hope your start up business does take off into something lucrative. Robots with hobbits, how fun. That would be so cool. I am glad you are okay from your fender bender. As for the potential gain, I just gained 20 from dealing with my husbands 7 months of unemployment. There is stress and then there is stress. I was in survival mode because I barely made enough to pay our mortgage, so I tried... but the comfort of the food won temporarily-on occasion. Now that things are bit more "normal", i plan to get it back down. You will get back down too.

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TRACYZABELLE 9/14/2010 5:21AM

    Sounds like order is in need-- do it one step at a time or you will fall..You can do it I know you can

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DDOORN 9/14/2010 4:21AM

    What? You mean wolfing that sweet thing didn't magically transform my house into something from Home Beautiful...? :-)

Yep, been there, done that...magical thinking really becomes obvious if one can step back, take a deep breath and look at things rationally...!

Great thoughts...thx for sharing!


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STRINGS58 9/13/2010 10:43PM

    I want to refer you to a James Taylor song, it has the line "the secret to life is enjoying the passage of time, anyone can do it, there's really nothing to it" --Maybe things are differently ordered instead of ordered the way you would like them . . . and I like the fire that burns up the denial and leaves truth.
I hope you find progress in the midst of the disorders emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CAROLISCIOUS 9/13/2010 9:55PM

    I'm gonna post the link to this blog on my local team page. Boy it says a lot. I'm sorry about all the disorder. I think a vacation is definitely in order. Yeh, you might eat a little more, but you'll have more time to be active and burn some extra calories. Right???

(I hope I can remember this advice the next time I go on vacation!)

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MARCHMAID 9/13/2010 8:22PM

    I almost was the first to comment this morning, but I had to run off to a meeting and my ride was waiting. Nothing brilliant except you've channelled my current feeling--I have been in denial about lots of things for years. Weight was only one of them. I love the clear statement that eating didn't cause any of the things that are wrong and won't cure them either. I've been living like that for two weeks and feel more in control than I have in years--and not just with food.

I do hope the vacation is a success. I have a hunch you'll make it so.

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    What a wonderful three cheers blog. I really like your pretty picture day that you painted. I have the feeling it is possible to focus on the good stuff just as you did here. Maybe not the kind of stuff that we might want to have happen...your ideas are absolutely splendid. But good stuff that we might not notice because we are being occupied with being annoyed. Ever have that happen? Love this. Thanks

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MS.ELENI 9/13/2010 5:09PM

    Easier said than done. But it can be done.Another good blog.
I do hope you get a paid job you enjoy.

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AESOPSREED 9/13/2010 4:49PM

  *offers hugs for all the disorder* !

I empathize with what you're going through, and I really appreciate the reminder that food is not the answer. I'm not at the point where I totally have it under control, but I'm getting a LOT better at stopping myself. And things like what you said here help. Thank you.


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KSGROTHE 9/13/2010 2:36PM

    emoticon for such a humorous and thought-provoking blog!

I hope you find some order soon, even if some parts of your life remain disordered. I find that I can laugh at some of life's disorder, but others (e.g. job issues) are harder to laugh off.

Keep up the good work! You'll get back on track eventually! emoticon

- Karen

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CHERN009 9/13/2010 12:24PM

    Denial is such a tempting path that leads to only more struggles later on. You are so right to stay with the need to fight it off. It has to become a constant reminder that we only need to eat to live and not live to eat. Enjoying the day, improving relationships, and achieving our goals need to be on the top of our lists not what food we can pacify ourselves with for only a brief moment till like you said you end up with a bigger problem than before. I wish you a great week my sparkfriend! Keep on keeping on!
Happy Travels,

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PMFISH 9/13/2010 11:12AM

    Our strongest muscle is our brain!!! I have never seen a happy person bitter or a bitter person happy. It is like the blind man having some one telling him about his new room. Before she could finish, he stated "I love it". She said you can't see it and I haven't finished telling you about it. He told her "When I woke up this morning I decided I would love it, so I do."

Many times that is just what we have to do and it is a better day for it. Times are unsettled for everyone right now.

You can do this girl! Hang it there! Your older body will thank you for everything you do to improve your health!!


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SCHMEVELYN 9/13/2010 10:19AM


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Now playing in left field ...

Sunday, September 05, 2010

This video log is the sequel to "Now playing in right field":

Yeah, so I've slipped up. But you know what? I'm fixing it, and that's all that matters. Go Red Sox!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLISCIOUS 9/7/2010 10:01PM

    Cool vlog hunny! And yes, we will slip, but we will catch ourselves and not fall! NEVER go back!

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MS.ELENI 9/7/2010 2:05PM

    Loved this and it sure hit home.Thanks for your wise words emoticon

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    Yep, Human.
Yep, Fallible.
Yep, Reinvigorated.
Nothin like a little reality. And wanting good health and well being really badly.

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TRACYZABELLE 9/6/2010 9:45AM

    Awesome-- being accountable is great .. It helps others when they see they are not the only one.. hope the game rocked!

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CHERN009 9/5/2010 10:46PM

    I wish you the best on your 5K tomorrow. Love the message that slip-ups are 100% guaranteed and to just be honest with yourself when you feel that it might be happening. You are so right on with that because it is when we are dishonest with ourselves that we might let them snowball out of control.

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DIASTER 9/5/2010 8:03PM

  Love your message!! so true.
You look too sweet to be one of those obnoxious red socks fans [lol]
Well I guess you could call it a friendly {?} rivalry YEA RAYS
We really do like the pressure when the red socks come to town, but you have to admit their fans are ferrous.

RAYS !!!!!

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LESS_IS_MO 9/5/2010 3:25PM

    Right on! "100% guaranteed - we are going to slip up." I agree! It's guaranteed. I tend to slide for a little too long, myself. And then I whine, and avoid, for too long, going back to eating very little so I can take off the slip. Hope you rock the 5k. And that the new scale is kind to you.

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DMPRIDER 9/5/2010 12:57PM

    Hi JES, I hope you have a great time at the game. And good luck with your 5K!

Thanks for this video. Right now I'm trying to battle back from the worst slip I've had since I've been on Spark. Thank you for this, I really needed this right now. Onward!

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AQUABUNNY 9/5/2010 12:34PM

    you are awesome and inspirational! thank you!!! Have a GREAT time at the game!

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FIT_TERI 9/5/2010 10:51AM

    Awesome. You're so right about how important it is to manage the slips....lest they become slides or something even worse. Have a great time at Fenway. It's a beautiful day to be outside!! Good luck, too, on tomorrow's 5K!

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    What an important message! It's nice to 'see' you.

If I keep looking for the perfect plan to follow, I'll never start losing weight. My motto now is "starting over every day."

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ONECOOKIETWO 9/5/2010 10:27AM

    Go Red Sox!
Go Jespah!!!
You are the most inspiring SPer I know!!

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LAB-LOVER 9/5/2010 8:37AM

    Yay for you... I don't even think of it as a "slip up" -- it's just part of being human.
Go Sox! Any game at Fenway is fun, even if...

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STRINGS58 9/5/2010 8:04AM

    What a good message for the Labor Day Weekend (Go Rays!). And Wow, you've made really good progress (Go Rays!). The attitude shift is great too. I would love to go to Fenway -- green monster and all, but yes, I'll still cheer for the Rays, or the Brewers, but I really hope you have a good time at the game! Food choices at the game are fun, huh !! My husband has some high cholesterol numbers, so he planned for his hot dog with bowls of oatmeal and vegetarian meals several days before!

Let's see, Boston is still in the wild card position, right?

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It's a Game of Give and Take/That Ain't the Way to Have Fun/After All Was Said and Done

Thursday, September 02, 2010

This is the third birthday I have spent here on Spark. So here are three songs that have something to do with three -- trios, three in the name of the group, etc. Enjoy.

Yeah, I know the third one is really weird. But have you ever tried to grab a song from the Internet about the number three that wasn't by Britney Spears?

Anyway, I'm turning 48 today. 48 is the new 33 1/3 or so.

I'm still sick, so I don't feel as kick-bun awesome as I'd like. And, with Hurricane Earl arriving, er, tomorrow, we are going to just order in enough food to go for a couple of days. Probably Vietnamese, with some seriously hot soup, as Mr. J has the cold as well. But we are going to a Red Sox game in a few days so the real celebration will be in a few days.

But, hey, it's my birthday today! So it's time for a somewhat more low-key party than usual, but a party just the same.

Party on, Spark dudes and dudettes.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STRINGS58 9/5/2010 8:14AM

    Hey Happy Birthday! I think your video blog indicates you are feeling better (I read stuff out of sequence sometimes). I have enjoyed catching up on spark mail listening to these songs -- uh Huh!

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TRACYZABELLE 9/3/2010 3:28AM

    Happy Sparkerversary!

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LBEEKMA 9/3/2010 1:29AM

    Happy, happy birthday! You have so much to celebrate! I'm right behind you at 47 so I know how it feels that you can't possibly be that old (at least in soul). Enjoy your vietnamese food (one of my favs too) and party it up at the Red Sox game...hope they win just for you! emoticon

p.s.I'm sharing the last song with my kids...they both have taken or are taking German! They'll get a kick out of this!

Comment edited on: 9/3/2010 1:34:01 AM

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MADERINERUE 9/2/2010 10:35PM

    Happy birthday to my haiku-lovin, MST3K-watchin, Bow-Wow-Wow-listenin' girlfriend. I am so happy to know you! I wish you a great 48th and many more wonderful birthdays ahead.

P.S. I will turn 29 for the 13th time this December. Awesome!

(That looks kind of like Vietnamese, doesn't it?)

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MS.ELENI 9/2/2010 10:11PM

    Happy Happy!!! emoticon

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LAB-LOVER 9/2/2010 9:53PM

    Enjoy the game! And party like it's 1999!
Cause that was closer to 33 1/3!

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    Well Jes I think you just have to celebrate all month long. I usually do that but now you especially are entitled since you are sick.

Anyhow I am singing happy birthday to you. Can you hear me? I have a terrible voice.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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KSGROTHE 9/2/2010 5:19PM

    Happy Birthday, Jespah!

I remember that third song! Definitely weird! I'd never seen the lyrics before. I know a little German: "I don't love you, you don't love me." Definitely does not apply to how I feel about you! emoticon

Have a great, if low-key, birthday!

- Karen

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FIT_TERI 9/2/2010 3:10PM

    Happy Birthday !!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AESOPSREED 9/2/2010 3:06PM

  Happy birthday! I hope that you have fun inspite for feeling bleh and weather shenanigans!

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DMPRIDER 9/2/2010 10:32AM

    Happy Birthday JES!! I hope you and Mr. J. are both feeling better soon so you can celebrate in style!

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GEE-KNEE 9/2/2010 10:22AM

    Happy Birthday!

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MADZIE 9/2/2010 9:23AM

  Happy Birthday Jes!!! Enjoy your day! emoticon

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ANONYGIRL 9/2/2010 8:05AM

    Happy Birthday! emoticon

(birthday salad, that exists, right?)

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TIGERSMUM 9/2/2010 8:04AM

    Happy Birthday!!!! I hope your and your DH both feel better soon!

Enjoy the Red Sox game and celebrate when your feeling better.

Happy Happy!!!

emoticon emoticon

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SUGARBABY60 9/2/2010 7:58AM

    Happy Birthday! emoticon

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MARCHMAID 9/2/2010 7:56AM

    Happy Birthday! It's Jespah's birthday! Happy Birthday to our great gal! (I'm thinking of the tune heard at Disney world 25 years ago with words: Happy Birthday! It's Donald's Birthday! Happy Birthday to Donald Duck.")

Don't ask. Can't hum on line. But it's very cheerful!

HAVE A GREAT DAY IN SPITE OF IT ALL! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/2/2010 7:57:17 AM

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LARRYO4 9/2/2010 7:48AM

    emoticonHappy Birthday emoticon

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He Recognized Me, and Punched Me in the Nose. He Said, ...

Monday, August 30, 2010

Now, don't worry, lil Sparkies. No one's been abusing me.

I just find the title lyric amusing. The video, in case you can't get to it, is Alice Cooper's "No More Mr. Nice Guy". And that's what I want to talk about -- not about being down another few pounds or whatever.

Let's talk about being nice. Or, rather, TOO nice.

You know what it's like. You meet someone who agrees with everything you say. EVERYTHING. You get tired of it, it's too much bland affability. And so, if you're anything like me, you pick at that, to see if you can create some disagreement. Black is white you say. Of course, says the other person.

But -- what happens when that all-too agreeable person ISN'T someone else? What if it's you, or if it's been you?

You're up for anything. You "go along to get along". You take whatever's put on your plate and don't complain, even if it's not what you wanted. Your friend says, not today, no walking for me today, and you allow that to color your behavior as well, so you stay at home. There's only one healthy snack left, but you let someone else have it.

Oh, you are the martyr. And you suffer. Oh, how you suffer! But you are secretly hoping that someone will notice your suffering and -- well, what exactly? Reward you with the Medal of Honor and the love of your fellow countrymen? Alleviate it by somehow magically figuring out that something is wrong (even though you never told them there was any problem)? Make the impossible come true, and immediately pop the weight off you because, well, not so much that you worked to get it off, but because you SUFFERED?

I see it every day here. People (and, let's face it, these are mostly women), who reveal that their husbands don't want them losing their curves and losing too much weight. And these are not 110-pound proto-anorexics but rather women who weigh a good 410 pounds. Or their kids bring in candy. Or their mothers-in-law are constantly serving cakes at family occasions.

Well, I am not advocating being rude. Please don't misunderstand me. Rather, I am saying, break out of the passive-aggressive rut. Don't do it to yourself, and don't let others pull it on you. Your husband says he's afraid you'll lose your curves? Just tell him they'll be better sculpted, not gone. It takes a really serious dip in body fat percentage for a woman's curves to truly go away. Your kids are bringing in candy? Tell them it goes in their room and nowhere else. Or, better yet, tell them it's not allowed in the house AT ALL. Your mother-in-law insists on plying you with cake? Tell her that the meal she just served you was so delicious and wonderful that you couldn't possibly eat another bite. That cake looks wonderful but, sorry, no room.

What I am saying is: PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.

Your health is IMPORTANT.

So quit letting things happen to you.

Quit letting people dictate your life to you.

Quit opening your mouth and accepting whatever they toss your way.

SparkPeople talks about asserting your Food Rights. And that is what this is all about. And you don't just have Food Rights in restaurants (e. g. to be able to ask for dressing on the side without being made out so as to be a pariah) but in the home as well.

You are a person, an autonomous adult.


Get what you need -- without hurting other people, of course -- but make sure that you are taking care of your own health because, at the end of the day, and at the end of your life, you are the one who has to live in your body, not them.

No more Ms. Nice Gal.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRACYZABELLE 9/2/2010 5:43AM

    We have to remember what is in our best interest

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MADZIE 9/1/2010 12:58PM

  Thanks Jes, this is right on the money!! I like what you said at the end about how we are the ones who live in our body!

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DDOORN 8/30/2010 10:10PM

    And this goes beyond food into all areas of our can become so "easy" to just go along with everyone and lose yourself in the process! Taking a stand on things important to oneself, food and beyond!, can be such an important part of our recovery...and yes, us guys can fall into this trap also...don't I just *know it*!


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CAROLISCIOUS 8/30/2010 9:39PM

    Great blog Jes. It's a hard lesson I've had to learn. I CAN say "no thank you, I don't want any." It was especially hard with my mom, but I think she understood. I CAN say to my husband, no I don't want to go out for pizza, or to a co-worker...I wouldn't care for the cake. (Had to say both just last week.)

I try not to depend on anyone when it comes to working out. Hubby and I have this running thing going on, and he knows he can't bail on me. But if he does, I go it alone, or find some other means to burn the calories I need to burn. There are plenty of options. No excuses.

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FURBALLDTH 8/30/2010 9:25PM

    good post.

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    Now that is interesting. I'm not so sure I have ever let people push me around or push food on me either. But maybe, just maybe I 'm one of those who is the pusher...yanno the type. If I can force-feed you then I can eat all I want too. Or let me show you how much I love you by "nurturing" you. Not much good and plenty of potential harm. Hmmm. I have never noticed this before. You made me think and I am not so sure I like what I am seeing. I grew up in a household where this kind of pushing went on all the time. I really hated it. Now I think maybe I've turned myself into my family. Shesh change is hard sometimes.

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PICKIE98 8/30/2010 7:31PM

    I agree, no, not just to agree,LOL! I want it both ways, I want the food, but I want to lose weight,, if somebody ELSE plies me with it, it is okay, the excuse..

need to chew on this(No calories) and take a personal inventory again...

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VEGEFARMER 8/30/2010 3:18PM

    Fabulous blog, thank you for sharing, No more Mrs nice guy for me. Hugs

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MS.ELENI 8/30/2010 2:23PM

    I love this.Great blog.You are right as can be.

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CHERN009 8/30/2010 2:16PM

    emoticon blog! It has taken me a lot of time to get to the point that it is ok to say "thank you, but no thank you" and after the first couple of times it gave me so much power to be in control and stay in control and realize it has been me all along that has caused me to "suffer" as you put it, instead of the people around me that had all the 'not the best choice' treats.

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MADERINERUE 8/30/2010 12:49PM

    This is a great blog. I know exactly what you mean, and I hear/see/read the same thing all the time. I think that many women think they're SUPPOSED to suffer so that no one else has to--that suffering is a part of the role as a partner or a mother or an employee. But in the Land of Plenty, many don't HAVE to suffer. There is enough food/shelter/clothing for us and our loved ones. In fact, as rising obesity rates in the US indicate, there is often too much.

I know this is trite, but ultimately, I find I can give more when I give myself more.

And as for the boorish husbands who don't want their wives to "lose their curves"--screw that. It's just another way to encourage women in their pseudo-selfless suffering, and it's also a way to keep women under the emotional thumbs of their husbands ("I can't lose weight or he won't love me anymore"). Lastly, it's a way for these same husbands to avoid changing their diets and/or their lives for the better, too. I just can't believe this kind of sabotage.

Grr. Now my dander is up. I better stay off the boards today or I'm going to post something I'll regret.


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PWINCESSEMILY 8/30/2010 11:55AM

    Totally agree.

Personally I don't worry about having food forced on me.

Its so easy for me to just say that I'm too full, or that I'm trying to avoid excess calories. Its not a big secret that I'm trying to get healthy, so I'm quite happy to tell people that.

The only people so far that have been funny or off with me about it are people who I know are unhappy with their own weight and would like to lose some. So I talk about sparkpeople - not to them, because I don't want them to think I'm telling them they are fat - but in general, or about how I'm using it.

It can be hard for people to set personal boundaries in all areas of their lives, and usually food is just one of them. They aren't used to being assertive. I hope such people can find the confidence to say "actually no, this is my body and I choose what goes in it!"

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YICHE12 8/30/2010 11:39AM

    Wow! Thank you for sharing. What you are saying is so true. Personally speaking, I used to fall into that trap before but no more. I know what it takes to lose weight and it is so easy to put it back on. Therefore, although tempted at times, I always ask myself two questions: "Is this really worth eating?" and "How much time would it take for me to burn this off?" By the time I answer myself, the temptation has passed and I simply say "No thank you! I have eaten very well." emoticon emoticon

If I do eat something it is because I want to and not because someone is forcing my hand...

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DMPRIDER 8/30/2010 11:30AM

    This is interesting. I do think a lot of people fall into that trap. You want to participate and be social, you don't want anyone to feel you are rejecting them by rejecting their cake as it were. I know this happens to me sometimes. But the bigger downfall for me, in social situations, is just that I find it hard to resist temptations, especially dessert. I guess the most important step is to think through whether you really, really want something - weigh the food, the social implications etc. - against your goals and then decide. It's all about those mindful choices isn't it?

BTW, JES, I hope you are feeling better!

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MRE1956 8/30/2010 11:25AM

    emoticon blog!

(BTW, I also love Boston terriers!)

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