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JESPAH's Recent Blog Entries

It's a Thousand Pages, Give or Take a Few

Monday, July 12, 2010

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwap79uy1G8

I write almost every day these days. And if I don't, I read, about the Internet, about Social Media, about whatever I think will help me with work.

It sounds like homework.

It sounds like school.

It sounds like ... work.

But it's not, it's fun. It hasn't been a slog, at least not, so far. Instead, it's been more like, isn't that interesting, or, I knew that, but it's good to see it confirmed. Or, wow, cutting edge!

So, I am having fun. I've stepped back from all of the appearances in order to make it easier to accomplish all of this reading and writing. Plus, I really went over on hours last month. That cannot continue, so it's best for me to hold back.

And -- don't tell anyone -- but we're working on a big promotional event kinda, er, thingie.

So I'm working on that.

Read, write, work. Yep.

That's what I do.

Oh and work out and stuff. I am here on Spark for a reason, dontcha know.

But the lion's share of my time is devoted to the big three of reading, writing and working (that third one includes things like web design). But --

If you must return it, you can send it here.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STRINGS58 7/16/2010 8:13AM

    Sounds like there is a rhythm with the working out fit in. Sounds llike there is a way to feed the intellect, skills, and the body. Sounds like there is a push, but it is a good push, without the costs to yourself for pushing on something you don't want.

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TRACYZABELLE 7/15/2010 1:54AM

    It is so good to spend time doing something you enjoy! emoticon

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DDOORN 7/14/2010 10:43PM

    "Having fun"...LOVE that part...long overdue! :-)

Don

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CHERN009 7/12/2010 8:18PM

    emoticon

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KSGROTHE 7/12/2010 6:42PM

    Sounds emoticon

It's so awesome that you've found something you like to do that you can pursue as a career!

Keep up the good work!

- Karen

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MADERINERUE 7/12/2010 2:09PM

    Oh, I LOVE this song!

I also hate my job. Hopefully this is in the process of changing.

xo!

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 7/12/2010 11:16AM

    PS Did you know Ringo turned 70 last week? ACK

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 7/12/2010 11:14AM

    No holding back at this stage. Full steam ahead. Make your mark. Then relax when the start up has started already. This is where being a touch compulsive is a good thing. As long as you are spending quality time with DH with fitness and of course with ME!

Go for it girl. No explanations needed.

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250STRONG 7/12/2010 10:35AM

    It is so important to enjoy one's work. :)

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The Sky Came Crashing Down

Monday, July 05, 2010

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ac132KN-gE

Man, oh man, it's hot in here.

And my boss is coming over tomorrow to work, after his, er, day job. We'll probably stay in this room, the computer room, as it has an air conditioner in the window. No other windows have a/c in them, at least not right now.

It is a hot and dusty business to put the a/c unit in so I don't blame Mr. J for not doing more than one. That's fine. So far, we've been able to sleep at night. So, no worries. I do, though, wonder how the three of us will have dinner tomorrow night if we end up staying in here. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. It's not like da boss's apartment is going to be significantly cooler.

Oof. I am usually cold, so if even I am hot, it means it's pretty bad. It's 91 according to Weather Bug.

So -- there is more to tell. I am being courted by a company which does Community Management as their main focus.

What? You ask. Don't you already have a job, jes?

Why yes, yes I do. And I am happy with it.

But it is a startup.

Hence if I want to make any $$ -- at least for a while -- I need to cultivate my own day job. My pals do want to hire me (yay!) but the timing is off. It'll get there. It's just not there quite yet.

Hence I need to continue looking.

Plus I need to continue looking in order to satisfying the Commonwealth, which is still graciously paying me Unemployment.

I need to call them tomorrow and assure them that, yes, I am actually still unemployed (or rather underemployed). I am nervous about this, don't want to upset the delicate balance.

Oof, not fun, and the heat is making me feel bad which is making everything else loom larger. I recognize that it is going to be okay but, eh, I do not enjoy dealing with bureaucracy.

This is also why I want to stay with my pals. There is no bureaucracy. Or, rather, I suppose, we are it. So we can make it anything we want, as small or as large as necessary. Small, very small. That'll work for me.

In the meantime, workouts are still somewhat sparse but they are happening. Every morning is weight training and resistance bands, the question is whether anything else happens. Sometimes things don't happen because I have events and whatnot and it's too much of a rigamarole to shower and get all dolled up again afterwards. This is one major goal for July, to go to fewer events and focus them far better. Right now, aside from meeting the gal with the Community Management company, I am looking at 8 events plus a hair appointment and a 5K this month. I may sign up for one or two more events but that'll do me, I think.

Long as there's air conditioning.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 7/9/2010 10:56PM

    We STILL don't have any A/C here after living in our home in upstate NY for 28 years...!

Getting mighty close to caving on this though...lol!

This has GOT to be one of the TOUGHEST job markets in many MANY years...hang in there...you're BOUND to find a spot where you can get paid for sharing your SPARK! :-)

Don


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TRACYZABELLE 7/9/2010 4:50AM

    Best of luck laying that career path! I hope you find your niche.

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AFM-SPARK 7/7/2010 3:35PM

    I sure love a/c when it's as hot as it's been here in DC. Give the the 70's any day!

Good luck with the networking!

-A

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LUCKY8GAL 7/7/2010 12:00AM

    Here I live in sunny California and it rained this morning and the sky was cloudy all day yesterday;( Makes me believe in global warming! Thats awesome your being courted. Take your time and find the right fit for you! emoticon

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FIT_TERI 7/6/2010 9:00AM

    It looks like it's going to be even hotter today, I hate to say. Stay in the air-conditioned office I guess.....or go out to the movies or even the mall.

Glad you're being courted! It must be hard to continue to look while you have this opportunity that interests you so much, but you obviously have to. Good luck with it. I hope this heat wave ends soon.

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MS.ELENI 7/5/2010 6:48PM

    Things will all work out evenually. The heat is bad everywhere.I couldn't survive without AC.

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 7/5/2010 4:33PM

    Hot. Yes. Hot. Even on the Cape. Nice to be courted. Nice to have a gig that interests you. I think back to the way you sounded this time last year. Go Jes

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MARCHMAID 7/5/2010 4:04PM

    It's even hot here in the woods today. Can't imagine functioning in the city! I suggest a trip north. ; )

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And Now I Know How Joan of Arc Felt

Monday, June 28, 2010

www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYLmptz_r_o

My parents just left. They visit here maybe once or twice per year or so.

And ... I have to be the bigger person.

It is not bad. No, not really. No, no.

But it -- eh, you know -- the dynamic does not change and now, as they get older, I find I lace it with considerably more guilt than I did when I was in my twenties and thirties. Here they are, staring eighty in the face, and I am staring at fifty, and guilt just pushes up, like some unwanted, demented weed.

I think some of it, on my part, is the heat. And PMS. And the routine being disrupted, even though I invited them in. Of course this wasn't unexpected. But we, y'know, we have our routines. Our routines differ from what they were a few years ago but we still have them, and want to follow them.

Oh and another thing is that I've had a boatload of restaurant meals and very little exercise. Yeah, that'll add to it all.

And then -- oof -- politics.

I gotta say, I truly hate talking politics. I am online a lot, and it is a large topic of conversation on the site that I manage, and I mainly steer clear.

Include me out.

And, of course, that was dredged up this morning. Why don't you care? Why aren't you more active? Yadda yadda yadda.

I do care -- I just don't want to rehash it. The world's problems aren't going to get solved here. All we're going to do is piss one another off. Enough, already!

Gaaah, just listen. I'm starting subtly, I'm being ignored. I get more vocal, I'm being ignored. Finally I out and out say -- I.Don't.Want.To.Talk.About.This.And.Please
.Stop.Sending.Me.Emails.That.I.Am.Only
.Binning.Anyway

Okay, now it stops, but not before a last, parting word.

God. Just quit it.

This is done less than an hour before they depart, hence it not only looms large in my head but also helps to color the visit.

I.Do.Not.Need.This.

And, neither do they. Life isn't all sweetness and light, and I am totally okay with that, but just let the damned thing go for a weekend.

Anyway.

We went to Maine over the weekend. World's fastest LL Bean shopping spree. I was a whirling dervish. Inexplicably, I was only given 20 minutes. I actually got 4 things, tried them on (there was a 5th that fit but I didn't like how it looked on me, so I threw it back) and purchased them. I should submit that to the Guinness Book of World Records or something. Tank top, shorts, pair of jeans and a yellow hoodie. Right now I'm wearing the 1st 2 as it is pushing 90 degrees here.

So ... that was the chief reason for going to Maine. Pretty scenery, to be sure. Something to do. I know they get bored silly at my house but what can I do? Mr. J works, I have blogging (I should say: I work, too!) and we don't give a damn about any movie that's out right now. Air conditioners are not in the windows although that could be changed if need be. Museums and restaurants aplenty here, plus scenery is not too far away.

But, it's getting harder and harder. For Mr. J and I, it is easier. It's almost like the ease has been sucked out of the earlier generation.

And, Maine. It has some emotional connections for me. Not just because I attended Summer camp there as a teenager. It's also the place where, in 2007, I almost fainted in monster heat. And I could tell, the thoughts were -- if you weren't so goddamned fat you wouldn't be in this predicament.

Well, I was. I was goddamned fat.

I'm not any more. And I talk about it plenty, but I am also a bit tired of that as well. Not as sick of it as I am of politics and, no, I am not sick of you, fellow Sparkies.

But I am tired of what is the internal dialogue. The one where I say, well, I used to be this way. I'm not any more.

I need to let that go. It's done. It's over with. Can it come back? It's certainly possible. The chiefly annoying and unfair thing about weight loss is that it never really ends, you never really stop and you can never really slide without major massive freakin' consequences.

I don't think my parents are watching me, eagle-eyed, to see if I'll fall. There are people who do (those people should occupy one of the seven circles of Hell after death, so far as I'm concerned). There are folk who mentally rub their hands with glee.

Oh, I TOLD you she couldn't do it. Stupid fat girl. Never thin for long. Always fat, already fat again, don't let that appearance fool you! She can't be this way permanently. Leopard, spots, you know the drill.

I guess this post is a real downer, and I'm sorry about that. I am, yep, there's that ole guilt again. Why am I complaining about this?

But, bottom line, it is also my own fears bubbling up to the surface. It is also seeing thirty years into the future. Who do I want to be? The one who still walks every morning, or the one having trouble getting up off the couch? The one who climbs stairs with no problem, or the one who huffs during the ordeal?

So, it is guilt. It is imagination. It is fear. It is some sorrow, knowing what was before. And can never be again. And I know what is coming, the hard decisions that will have to be made. I fear I will not have the courage to make them.

Hence, if I leave with you with any takeaway today, what I can say (and some of this is the heat talking -- oh, look, it's 90, oh joy) to you is the following:

Perpetual dieting sucks.

Parking far away when you just want to be closer sucks.

Drinking water all the time sucks.

Cardio, whether you want to do it or not, sucks.

But not doing those things sucks even more.

And at some point, I hope you all live long enough, and you'll see the consequences, one way or the other.

Extreme old age sucks.

All we can do is make it a long time before we're in extreme old age, regardless of our true birth dates. And, when it does come, to make it suck as little as possible.

Thanks for reading. I suspect I'll be more cheerful next week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 7/9/2010 11:00PM

    Sorry to be late to the party! Yet another 50 something with parents closing in on 80. Seems to be catching...

There is something VERY unnerving about spending time with the folks who were around when I incubated such a fat, insecure person as I was. Completely understand your jitters!

Politics has never been a prob though as we all swing on the same liberal, progressive branch. Except it can be a bit depressing commiserating about the current state of affairs...!

Don

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SWEETZMIX 7/3/2010 8:26AM

    EHHH you doesn't have a downer blog every so often?!? So you are scared and it's normal. You just have to learn to let go of those fears. Look how much you have accomplished in your life, and not just weight loss. Weren't you scared, but you did it.

emoticon

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MS.ELENI 6/30/2010 9:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TELERIE 6/30/2010 10:52AM

    Big hugs!!

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NYAYNE 6/30/2010 9:09AM

    Family dynamics, gotta love it. The more you think things have changed the more they stay the same.

You must have set a new record getting in and out of LL Bean in 20 minutes, that place is huge. While in Freeport you were very close to an agility trial and a small all breed dog show.

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CAROLISCIOUS 6/29/2010 8:53PM

    Let's be one of those healthy Seniors...okay?

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DIASTER 6/29/2010 7:42PM

  Oh my. My daughter and her kids just left, I just ate a quart of ice cream with chocolate syrup, a hot dog, pretzels etc. etc. Maybe it is just the stress of family even with total love, but as you said routines are disrupted, feelings are on the surface etc. you want the visit to be fun and perfect, but life is real
Since our visitors are gone lets get back to what we know we are suppose to be doing, hey we have 6 months before the next visit, politics and a crying 5 year old will both change by then, and we will be lighter and closer to goal.

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 6/29/2010 4:05PM

    I'm so confused - because you mentioned guilt many times but I'm not sure what you've done - omission or commission - that you should feel guilty about.

You know what, I've spent many months (from about February until last week) struggling with the urge to eat at night, struggling with how to fit in all my exercise, struggling struggling struggling and watching my weight slide up, punching it back down some, slide up again, lather rinse repeat. And I figured I was just consigned to this forever.

And then suddenly this week I do not have the urge to binge. I'm fine. I'm not even hungry when I eat the same restricted calorie levels I did last year at 100+ lbs above where I am now. And I feel fine. And the weight is sliding off again. Fast. You could knock me over with a feather. Because I didn't think it would get easy again. it just didn't seem possible. But it did.

Maybe it's wackadoo hormones. Maybe it's because I've been kayaking a lot lately and improving and feeling good about that. Maybe it's because I'm enjoying not only the kayaking but the company of my partners in crime. I'm not even sure I care why exactly, but I have to say I'm relaxing into it like a hot bath after a long strength training session, LOL. I'll just ride it while I can. And when things get tough again (as I imagine they probably will sooner or later) I'll go back to the struggling.

My hope is that you will also soon have an inexplicably easy spell, to catch your breath, relax, get your bearings and your feet back under you, and just BE.
emoticon

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GUNNYGIBBS 6/29/2010 11:39AM

    Welcome to 50s. Isn't it fun?

First, the only way I ever resolved anything with my mother was after she died. I realized it was her problem not mine. I also realized I can choose to be who and what I want to be. Why am I lifting and lifting hard? Because that is ME. I don't have to hear her anymore and I got rid of the inner parent a long time ago.

It's a pretty sad statement my worst nightmares I have at night are my mother is alive and I'm telling her she's dead and to go away. It only happens in times of stress. Think hard parents about what you do. You don't want to make yourself into your child's worst nightmare. btw two books that came in real handy was "Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self" [DO NOT DO THIS WITHOUT A THERAPIST unless you are one] and the other was David Burns "Feeling Good"

Next politics? Lord my sister and I could kill each other. I simply say "You know all politicians are stupid and none of them are doing the job they should be doing today. Did Danny get his lights in?" Or other favorite topic of hers like how we both hate Penn Dot. End of politics. For others I simply say "I don't discuss politics. It's against my religion." Stops them dead. Never have to tell them I'm an Atheist. Right now Politics is an area of Hate not of constructive action. It's time to let the hate go. If you don't answer if they keep out after that, the conversation is one sided and they'll get the message.

Next, yep. It's the 50s. I did grieve what wouldn't be but it wouldn't be. And that's ok today. It made me what I am and you know what? That ain't shabby at all. In fact, it gave me my best friend, myself. Sure I still feel twinges. But all in all? It's ok today.

Seriously? Read Burns at least. All those things are what we create and the stories/thoughts we tell ourselves about ourselves. It takes time to change the stories but it is soooo good when we do.

And find something you love. Really love. Mine is weight lifting and I would do a LOT for that and it is no chore. Well except Cardio. Cardio does suck.

Change your mind, change your life. Just ask Nick who has no arms and legs http://www.attitudeisaltitude.com/

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QUEENOTHEFOREST 6/29/2010 8:45AM

    Jeeze are you sitting next to me having this conversation. Jeeze. I will resist blogging all over your page about aging and having a full fit life.

Your thoughts about weight gain again are unnerving. I lost 20 lbs last year on Spark and put 10 back after my episode with cancer and surgery and treatment. I am not getting the good feeling of success back. I am stuck, and don't want to be. My impression is that many people who lose do not keep it off. I have not gotten anywhere near my goal and your blog is reminding me how risky it is to be going in the wrong direction even for a bit. I do think Spark is an answer to that. Thanks Jes for the motivation today. And always.



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TRACYZABELLE 6/29/2010 4:01AM

    It will all pay off in the end

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MADERINERUE 6/28/2010 10:53PM

    You are really on to some things here. In particular, you're aware of what needs to be let go. Many of us stagger around for YEARS not even knowing what we're carrying. Good for you! I am reading a very good book that addresses some of what you describe here (the past as a source of guilt and remorse, the future as a source of fear); perhaps you've already read it, but on the off-chance you haven't, it's "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Don't let the first chapter put you off.

Ok, and secondly, I need to go download some Smiths. I'll do it right now. Thanks.

xo emoticon emoticon

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FIT_TERI 6/28/2010 9:59PM

    Wow, there's so much here to comment on.

First, I am with you on not discussing politics! The only people I discuss politics with are my husband & my mom - most of the time we agree, and when we don't it's never a divisive kind of thing. I won't talk about it at all in general.

Second, I don't think you can underestimate how much this kind of heat can affect your mood - and your patience.

Which brings me to my third comment. I, like you, am staring at 50 with parents staring at 80. I live close enough to them to spend an afternoon and nothing more. But once per year, we go away on a 4 to 5 day vacation with them....and I am sorry to say that I lately leave feeling very guilty about some encounter, usually toward the end of that time. Why can't I just be the bigger person all the time? After all, when I was a screaming infant or a tantrum-throwing toddler, I am quite certain they were. I have to try harder at that. It's so much easier said than done.

Finally, how did you get only 20 mins at LL Bean store???

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EMMASMART 6/28/2010 9:23PM

    Poor baby. Make sure you get your rest, raspberries. Can you have them? They help what ails you. I can only complain about over enthusiastic 4th of July revelers who have started in JUNE for craps sake, no parents to worry about here.

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MARCHMAID 6/28/2010 7:14PM

    Well. Wait till you see MY downer of a blog. I've misplaced my sense of humor again. Wish I were 50 again--times were good (remember my bike picture? I was 50 then.) 62-63 has been a bummer to say the least. Losing hope here.

I used to love politics--still can get riled occasionally, but mostly have no oompf. Need a new lease. Where? How? Who to see about it?

My parents died young. I've watched all my friends deal with losing theirs later. I feel for you.

Comment edited on: 6/29/2010 12:48:32 PM

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JLITT62 6/28/2010 2:23PM

    Oh geez, my parents are coming for a short visit in a couple of weeks and I'm trying to figure out just what to do with them. They are in their 80s -- Dad will be 85 next year -- and they don't move so well anymore. So anything that involves walking is out.

Then there's the fact that my Dad has to blast the TV to hear it despite his hearing aids, and I don't even like how loud my husband plays it. And usually manages to screw something up because he couldn't possibly ask for help.

They do at least like movies, and so do I, except for the fact that usually they've seen everything in creation.

Oh, and did I mention my husband will be on a business trip then? Which shouldn't really matter, they are my parents after all, but a buffer and some help is always welcome.

Feel any better yet?

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KSGROTHE 6/28/2010 1:54PM

    I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I also do not like to talk politics. It's either too divisive or seems too much like jumping on a bandwagon. Politics also seems to bring out the worst in people. As for the visit with your parents, I also think I understand a bit of how you feel about having to be the bigger person. I enjoy visiting with my parents but feel relieved to get back to my usual life when they leave, or more often when I leave them (they rarely visit us here). The dynamic can be strange for an adult trying to relate to parents who may still think of you as their child.

As for the heat, maybe it's time to put in the air conditioners. emoticon

Hang in there! emoticon

- Karen


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KAYBEE37 6/28/2010 12:19PM

    As they say ... better out than in. I'm so glad that you were able to get all this out. It's very healthy to be able to express all this.

I am sorry that things didn't go better with your parents' visit. Lots of things you wrote struck a chord with me, but I wanted to comment on two in particular. First off, the heat. To me, that makes EVERYTHING worse. When the temperature is not a factor, I still struggle with eating better and exercising and maintaining a positive outlook. But when it's miserably hot, those things become nearly impossible. I hate it when it's so hot. I go into a kind of summer hibernation or state of lethargy. It makes it so hard.

Secondly, politics. I am totally with you. I really do not like to discuss it. If I'm with like-minded people then I can discuss it for a little while, but usually I'm with people who feel the opposite way, and they somehow all manage to suddenly sound like lawyers while I can't get my views across in a coherent way even though I feel strongly about them. I would much rather not discuss politics at all. But sometimes our relatives and friends don't let that happen!

Anyway, I my heart goes out to you for this post, and I hope that it doesn't take you too long to regain your equilibrium from all the stress you've had recently. I hope that this week is much better for you. Hang in there!

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I May Have Been Only Three, But I was Swingin'!

Monday, June 21, 2010

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKIQS
o7JbKQ


I think the first time I became aware of what my body could and can do, I was probably about three or so. I was in a high chair. I had finished all of the cereal but not the milk so my mother poured the milk into a plastic cup. There were, naturally, little pieces of cereal floating around in there. This sufficiently bothered me that I threw the cup across the kitchen.

And so began my twin love affairs, with food issues and body issues.

Then there were my school years. I was not a heavy child but I was also not particularly coordinated, either. I came from a family where you didn't play sports because that's what the tradespeople's children did and we (my brother and I) were going to college so we were told that we didn't need such things.

As a result, and despite playing with friends when I was a child, I had a basic grasp of the rules of baseball and I knew that for basketball you were supposed to get the ball into the hoop and that about covered it. I recall going to a Flyers game with my family when I was 9 (we lived just outside of Philly then) and it was way, way, way up in the old Spectrum and when it was my turn with the binoculars I didn't follow the puck around and instead I just tried to pick out cute guys, either on the ice or in the stands.

As a result -- and our moving to Long Island right before I started 6th grade didn't help one iota -- I was always, and I mean ALWAYS chosen last for sports. This was the 60s and 70s, it was the era of "make the best athletes AKA gym teachers' pets the captains and let them choose the teams so that they can inevitably select all their friends first and then look the rest of us over like pieces of meat". See: Janis Ian.

There was but one exception to this pattern. I was friends with a girl named Crystal who was kind of a tough girl. I'm not so sure why we were pals; we did not go to each others' homes, but we were friendly in a nodding, hey, how ya' doin' kind of way. I was a Drama Club and International Club girl, on the Honor Society. This was an era where girls were only just beginning to be able to take shop. Crystal was, like I said, kind of tough.

We had a girls' gym class together, and it was divided into quarters. It was the Spring quarter of our Senior Year. I had been accepted to more than one college and had made my choice. Crystal, I think, was headed for a community college and probably out to work. But it was Spring quarter, and I digress. The unit was basketball, and we all knew the Janis Ian song, "At Seventeen". Well, I was sixteen but hey, close enough. The gym teacher decided on a round robin tournament. We'd have a half a dozen teams and no subs. We'd just play each other; team 1 would play team 6, then they'd play team 5 or whatever.

For some reason, Crystal the tough girl was chosen to be a captain. I suppose the gym teacher ran out of pets. Girls were being picked. I was, as per usual, waiting with the leavings. Fourth round out of five. Crystal scanned the remainders and found me. And, she picked me!

I could scarcely believe it. I was not the last one chosen.

Now, we did not win a single game, I'll have you know. When it came down to the final week of the unit, even if we had won every single game, we'd've still been dead last. But we didn't care. We had fun. We joked around easily. We enjoyed each others' company. Yes, we played. We did get a workout in and we did try to win. But getting good at it was not in our plans. We were not there to do anything spectacular on the court.

I wish I could tell you that I had kept up with Crystal, but I didn't. We went our separate ways although we have reconnected on Facebook. I don't think she remembers quite what she did for me and I have not reminded her. I don't want to remind her -- I'm not quite sure why. *I* know what she did. And that's all that matters, I feel. It all happened, by the way, over 30 years ago.

So, you.

While you are going along in your struggles, and it seems like things are so hard, and the deck is stacked against you, look around at the remainders, and look beyond the trappings and the facades. Help others like they have helped you, because underneath the scratched exterior, I know that you will find a beautiful crystal.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4A-HEALTHY-BMI 6/24/2010 4:33PM

    Very nice.

Reminds me of the time we were divided into pairs for indoor badminton in junior high. I was not an athlete in school, either. But I'd swung a badminton racket a few times. I was paired with a southeast Asian girl who had recently immigrated, and we were definitely not a favored team. That team was the skinny blond girls who were (like you said) the gym teachers' pets.

I don't even remember this girl's name. She had so little English that we could barely communicate. But you know what? She knew her way around a racket and birdie. She'd done this before. She was Good, while I was barely adequate. But it was enough. We SMASHED the teachers' pets. And we enjoyed it. We sent that shuttlecock into them so fast they were jumping out of the way, not even trying to return it.

And I remember the genuine smiles my partner and I shared after each match. Because in some small way, we had finally WON. And on THEIR turf. I don't believe the gym teachers ever brought out the badminton equipment again. But it was a good moment. A rare one.

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MADERINERUE 6/23/2010 12:24PM

    Marvelous story. Thanks for this reminder that we all have a Crystal inside.

I love, love, love Joni Mitchell's version of the I-may-have-been-only-three-but-I-wa
s-swingin' song (is it entitled Twisted?). My analyst told me...

Have a wonderful day. xo! -M

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MARCHMAID 6/22/2010 9:32PM

    I remember (and recently saw in person) Janis Ian--loved her stuff in 1967 and still do. I'm a bit older than you and remember well the days before Title 9 when our gym teacher tried to help us start to learn to play tennis. We got out to the courts and the boys team was playing. Their coach told our teacher that she couldn't have the courts! The end. No contest. My sister, 8 years younger, got to play basketball and had actual teams that played after school. Same school. Same teachers. I love the law--when it is good law and is enforced. : )

Nice blog. Well done.

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TRACYZABELLE 6/22/2010 1:50AM

    emoticon

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SWEETZMIX 6/21/2010 9:10PM

    I hope to meet my crystal one day!!

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ROCKYCPA 6/21/2010 3:29PM

    Great blog and since you have reconnected with Crystal, you should let her know what she did for you all those years ago.

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MS.ELENI 6/21/2010 12:35PM

    You should tell Crystal what an effect she had on you. I bet she would love to know it.
It is never fun to be picked last.

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KENNYWHEELS 6/21/2010 11:27AM

    what a beautiful ending to a nice blog.

kenny

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250STRONG 6/21/2010 11:07AM

    Just goes to show that you never know the impact you will have on someone's life. :)

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MITEJOE 6/21/2010 10:48AM

    I was always one of the last to be picked for a team, especially in high school. I was rather scrawny and not terribly interested in sports anyway, so it didn't matter all that much to me.

I wish I had a "crystal" story to tell, but alas, no. I DID reconnect with 2 gals on Facebook who bullied me in high school. I know that sounds odd, but I forgive them. And one of them remembers a lot of great stories (she didn't bully me 24/7; we were actually friends), which makes the reconnecting worth it!

Great blog post!!!

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GREENLILY 6/21/2010 10:36AM

    It is so amazing that despite the negatives we may have experienced as a child, we still remember the shining positives that stick with us always... I still remember those precious people. I always loved a bible verse at Proverbs 17:17 - "A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress." It is wonderful for someone to make us feel needed right when we need them the most... and when your standing in a gym line-up... it is definitely needed... :)





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GEE-KNEE 6/21/2010 9:26AM

    I was often picked last too. i had a friend Crista, oddly enough, who would often be captain, and she would pick me first, purely out of friendship... not ability. My friend Carrie would do the same, but Crista would grab my hand during laps (the first 10 girls in got something, but I don't remember what-maybe excused out of laps the next day) and she would run pulling me behind her. Ahh... the only time I was fast was when I was dragged along by Crista.

i never knew that sports were a tradesmen thing. Don't colleges now want well rounded people? I have been told that I need to find a sport for my kids, if I want to get them into a good college. Then again, back in the 70's everyone smoked and that was okay.

I am glad you reconnected with your friend on Facebook. My Crista found me on Classmates.

Comment edited on: 6/21/2010 9:32:15 AM

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BAGGYPANTS5 6/21/2010 9:25AM

    Great blog! I was always last to be picked, too. We played cricket at my school, and we had the future captain of the England women's team and pioneer of women's cricket, Rachel Heyhoe-Flint. I used to think it was a good chance to sit in the long grass and look at the sky and the buttercups. I wasn't bad at tennis, though. I hated gym, and in fact, school in general although I know I was fortunate to be there.
I had one or two beautiful crystals that I still keep in touch with. One in particular was a total rebel from whom I learnt a lot!


emoticon

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From My Heart and From My Hand

Monday, June 14, 2010

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDe5C
kt4joQ


The past week has been interesting and different. This one promises to be a bit more normal. Er, the new normal.

Last Friday, we hosted our first event. We didn't even send out invites and the like until, ewps, Wednesday. Maybe it was Tuesday. We got two guests. This is not bad for absolutely no notice whatsoever. Hence I'm going to create a company protocol for events. This will help to just have something to refer to any time we want to do this again, e. g. which calendars we can get on, etc. But we did get a good 77 clicks (I don't know how many unique users this translates into) on our event link. So there is interest -- more notice will convert that into more attendees. Of that I am sure.

And we are thinking about something for early September. Stay tuned.

But back to the event. After the two guests departed, we went to a coffee shop. This was the Pres, me, the Head of Dev and his girlfriend. We talked for hours! It was just such a delight. I am feeling like I am knowing the guys better. And I like what I see. One of the things the girlfriend said, I feel it was totally unprompted -- "I've been dating K___ for five years now and I don't know anyone with a stronger work ethic. He doesn't understand something, he learns it. He keeps at it." And what more could you ask for from your coworkers?

Then yesterday we had another Sunday work meeting. Working on the weekends is, well, I just have to do it. It's okay. I get rest and exercise during the week so I can just sort of shift my schedule to accommodate this. This was out in Worcester, where K___, A___ and G___ all live (this is where the four of them -- B___ is the boss, but he's moved to this area -- went to college). I got to see the Lab.

The Lab is a confusion of parts and wires and soldering guns. A few empty Diet Coke bottles, too.

Then we met. We're in discussions about funding (I cannot say any more at this time -- I'm under a Nondisclosure Agreement). We are talking about an office in Cambridge. We are talking with suppliers. It is all very heady.

They liked what I've been doing, and understood when I explained what I'm looking for from them. We work well as a team. Everyone is recognized, everyone contributes.

Oh yeah, my husband met B__. And his reaction was the same as, well, everyone's -- B__ is sooooo young. But, I reminded Mr. Jespah, B___ is the same age he was when we first met. Ready to get down to brass tacks. Not flighty young -- energetic young.

Diet is interesting these days. I was off yesterday as I knew I wouldn't have dinner, due to colonoscopy prep. So I had -- gasp! -- fries and a pickle at lunch. My God. They were ... okay. I can't honestly say that they were oh my God oh so delectable I have missed them for years or anything even remotely like that. It was more like, meh, so? For this I got outta bed?

Without even counting the electrolyte prep drink, my sodium level was off the charts yesterday (I also had chicken broth and jello for dinner, with the same for breakfast this morning -- Gawd). Hence I'm up again. It'll all even out soon enough. I am not thrilled with the idea of a colonoscopy, but the prep wasn't too awful. Since I'm used to drinking a lot of water, and I was on alli for over a year, that helped a lot. Just draw on those experiences.

Today, of course, is the actual procedure. And, no, I will not be blogging about THAT.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMMASMART 7/7/2010 12:17AM

    Congrats on your scope. Having that saves your life. They either don't find anything YAY. Or they do and then remove it.. Yay.. It's win win.

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TRACYZABELLE 6/16/2010 4:49AM

    Hope your colonoscopy went well~!

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TELERIE 6/14/2010 6:11PM

    So happy for you! The cameraderie with your colleagues - it sounds simply wonderful! As for the colonoscopy - eep - good luck!

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MARCHMAID 6/14/2010 5:53PM

    I'm mystified but glad you're so happy!

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MS.ELENI 6/14/2010 10:37AM

    I have to admit it but I don't quite understand what it is you are doing. But it sounds good and you sound happy doing it. Hope all goes well with your test.

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250STRONG 6/14/2010 9:40AM

    Hopefully they'll have your versed dialed in perfectly and you won't remember the colonoscopy..... Sounds like things are great on the business front. :)

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DMPRIDER 6/14/2010 9:01AM

    Oh, the colonoscopy prep. I hated that, it made me want to gag. The procedure, well, you feel awkward about it but your asleep the whole time so it's easy.

As for your work situation, it sounds wonderful. Good luck with everything!

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JPANESE 6/14/2010 8:53AM

    Congratulations on having created a wonderful work environment for yourself and having super people to work with.

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IFDEEVARUNS2 6/14/2010 8:30AM

    The colonoscopy is SO MUCH easier than the prep! emoticon

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