Monday, February 22, 2010
I got my hair cut last week, and promptly forgot how it should look/couldn't replicate it, so it looks more or less the same as before, only shorter (just grazing my shoulders). I know I should use the straightener on it, but by the time I do wound care I just want to run screaming out of the bathroom these days.
And that's the other thing. Wound care continues, even though, since I am not a smoker (which would mean I'd have lousy circulation -- apparently I have lousy circulation without the nicotine high), it should be more or less done. It's not. My circulation issues may have to do with me having extremely low blood pressure, plus I'm always cold. I figure it's all of a piece although the doc isn't really sure, either.
And the hematoma continues. It keeps on keepin' on, like some demented heavy puce-colored egg sitting there on my right breast. Fortunately it is breast-centric and not over my sternum, where it would, I suppose, appear to be either a third breast (how attractive) or the prelude to that scene in "Alien" where .... well, you know the details.
The hematoma was also supposed to be gone by now. It's not.
Hence I've done what I've been doing for about a month. Bandages. Silver sulfadiazine. Tape. Stuff the left side to more or less stay even with the right. Guzzle water like it was going out of style, to try to compensate for the fact that I am one big bloat factory. Attempt to tolerate some sort of spice (because food's gotten boring) without tipping myself into reflux, despite the use of Prilosec, occasionally spiked with doses of Maalox (mint-flavored, if you please). Mederma smeared all over any wounds that have somehow closed, in order to try to deal with the scarring.
And then I get to do it all again before going to bed, too. Ain't that attractive? Isn't plastic surgery supposed to make you pretty or somethin'?
All of this is happening while, as you know, I am attempting to find a job. My severance from my old company has run out. I still get Unemployment and have been getting it for a while. There was a while there where, paradoxically, I was actually hauling in more than I had when I was working. I've banked that. Now it's time to withdraw some of it. And now is the time for more serious budgeting, and not just the minor budgeting of the past three months or so. Now is the time to get into comparing the costs of running the space heaters versus the overall heat (usually the space heaters are better -- this house is huge and not well insulated). Now is the time to go to cheaper restaurants when we go, and tip less. Now is the time to walk even more for minor errands, to save on gas. Coupons. Generics. Buying staples in bulk. Gifts for people? Uh, how about a nice card?
We are fortunate, really. My husband has a good job and it is stable (he works as an engineering designer/draftsman). He has good benefits. We have savings. My parents have been good about helping us with surgery costs, and insurance and flex spending covered some as well. The house is close to being completely paid for, and the monthly mortgage payment isn't horrible when you consider what it could be.
But these things loom large (and I know that stress is no good for healing, but what can ya do?) when you spend time dealing with so many other things that should've been over and done. And now, well, tomorrow there will be another procedure (in-office) to deal with the hematoma. 'Cause it ain't miraculously going away on its own.
It's funny, as that's the side where the original surgical wound has actually healed. Ha! Well, that makes total sense. Can't have me only having two big gaping wounds now, can we? No. I have to haul out the tape and the silver sulfadiazine and the bandages for as many places as freakin' possible, for as long as possible.
Oh, and don't get me started on TOM. You want bloat and cramps? Oh, they're a delight when you're already experiencing them, and already have a hugely distorted breast. Since I am perimenopausal, I get to have TOM every three weeks. Oh the joy.
People have asked me -- when, jes, when are you going to be settling into feeling happy about the surgery?
I know I will at some point. But I'm just not there yet. Perhaps I will be a few days from now, when tomorrow's procedure is firmly ensconced in my rear-view mirror and the swelling is going down and the bruising finally starts to clear up and and and and and .... Sorry this is such a complaintfest. I was hoping that those would be done. Not so fast.
Dammit, I want a refund on this body, or at least on the circulatory system.
Monday, February 15, 2010
This is one of the songs that I listen to when I race. It's just boppy and poppy and so I can more or less pace to it.
But there's a different purpose to it today.
See, yesterday, Mr. J and I both weighed ourselves.
And we were identical.
Now, I'm up slightly since then. That number was not an official one. But it will be soon enough, and I will, I am sure, go below it soon enough.
He is about 1/2" - 1" taller than me, and is 2 1/2 years younger.
Yes, folks, when I started out, I was almost exactly twice the weight of my husband.
Things have changed.
Yesterday, we went to Harvard Square for a Valentines' Day dinner. That did not work out exactly as we had hoped, but we still enjoyed each other's company, like we always do.
And we decided, first, to walk over the bridge from Cambridge into Brighton.
Okay, so far, so good.
But it seemed silly (and too cold) to stop and wait for a bus. So we kept walking.
It took about 45 minutes or so, but we walked all the way home. That was maybe 3 miles. This is significant not only because we'd never done it before, or because I'm recovering from surgery (I feel fine, by the way, and could do it again today, I figure). It is also significant because the bus (a local) took a half an hour.
Hence the bus doesn't even save us a significant amount of time. We could walk there, and back, and only take an extra 30 minutes. And, since that is a bus that only runs every hour on the weekends, we eliminate potential wait time. Truly, unless we are carrying something heavy, we're in some sort of formal wear, the weather doesn't cooperate or we're just plain in a rush, it makes almost no sense to ever take the bus. Again.
Like I said, things have changed.
And to prove it, here's the month in review.
It also just so happens to be exactly one month since surgery.
Bicep: 10.75" new personal best! (originally was: 19". Difference: 8.25".)
Bust: 36.25" tied for a personal best (originally was: 55". Difference: 18.75".)
Band: 33" tied for a personal best (originally was: 47.5". Difference: 14.5".)
Waist: 33.25" (originally was: 49". Difference: 15.75".)
Belly: 35" new personal best! (originally was: 59.5". Difference: 24.5"!!!)***
Keister: 41.5" (originally was: 64". Difference: 22.5".)
Hip: 41.5" new personal best! (yes, the keister and the hip are identical now, as the apron of skin is gone so there is, therefore, no way to differentiate them) (originally was: 54.5". Difference: 13".)
Thigh: 20" (originally was: 32.5." Difference: 12.5.")
My average difference is 15.72". If you remove the outlyers (bicep and thigh), the average difference is a staggering 18 2/3". And, damn! Look at my belly! I can honestly and without reservation say that only 2" of that was due to surgical intervention. Otherwise, the remainder of the OVER 2 FEET that came off was due to lil ole me.
Like I said, things have changed.
Just a lil.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I told you I'd tell you once I knew something more about that job.
I finally sleuthed a bit and found direct email addresses for the three people who had interviewed me, and sent them an email last night. I was going to start making phone calls at 10 AM today. Fortunately, the person who I suspect I'd be reporting to sent an email today at about 9:35 AM.
The message was: we're interviewing a lot of different people. Sit tight, we'll have something in two weeks and will tell you then.
It's not a yes.
But it's not a no, either. And I am not abandoned and forgotten ("Alone and Forsaken" is the name of a song that Dave Matthews and Neil Young sang for the benefit for Haiti Earthquake relief. It's a beautiful, haunting song and I am very, very glad it did not become today's blog song).
This is, as we say in the parlance, an executive-level search. Yes. Lil ole me.
So these things take a while. I'm just being a tad impatient and nutty.
In the meantime, of course, I send out other applications, and either tomorrow or next week I will return to going to networking meetings and events. No sense in stopping the networking train.
And I will be insane again, by the 25th, 26th or so. But in the meantime, a huge relief.
Plus this song is kinda silly.
And we can all use a lot more silliness mixed in with our seriousness.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Well, I'm not exactly skipping.
But I'm doing better than I was. It's still a row to hoe, but it's better.
This week was remarkable for a few reasons. I've gone back to strength training (very light weights!). I've gone back to walking most days. I've been sleeping better. My reflux has improved (although not gone away entirely, damn). I can stretch the time between applications of Tylenol and Maalox. My measurements are still just about the same. My weight has gone up but I am bloated and that will continue for a while. Kinda like a three-month TOM. Gawd.
And I've come to the conclusion that, following _The_Spark_, it makes sense to set some recovery goals. Naturally I have regular old weight loss goals, but these are for the time from the date of surgery (January 15th) to three months afterwards (April 15th - Tax Day!). This short term will, more or less, be the time for me to get back in the swing and recover. It may end up taking longer. It may take less time. It's my body and, while I can influence some of the things that happen, I cannot predict how I will react. If it feels like too much, too soon, I'll pull back.
So, here are my recovery/recommitment/rededication goals:
GOAL #1: wounds all healed by March 1st (somewhat out of my control but I'll do what I can to spur it along). I have three major wounds which I have to dress twice daily, and that takes up a great deal of time these days.
GOAL #2: back to regular walking speed (about 1/4 mile every 5 minutes) by March 1st. Currently I'm walking at a speed of about 1/4 mile every 10 - 15 minutes.
GOAL #3: back to one hour (at a time) or more walking endurance by March 15th. Currently I conk out at about 45 minutes, and I really pay for it in nappage if I stretch that to 55 or so minutes.
GOAL #4: back to strength training levels as follows:
* lift 10 lbs. every morning (I am currently at this level)
* lift 20 lbs. every morning by February 20th
* lift 30 lbs. every morning by March 10th
* lift 40 lbs. every morning by April 1st (this is my old level)
GOAL #5: fit back into the brown pants by April 1st (you get bloated by surgery, and it's hard to get rid of that, particularly if you're not exercising as vigorously as before). These pants had fit before; they will fit again.
GOAL #6: there is no #6. :)
I think these are reasonable and attainable. But I'll change them up if they're not working for me. April 15th isn't some magical date, and neither are the other days. If I make it on time, great. Early, even better. Late, eh, that's okay, too.
I'll be keeping track of how I'm doing here: www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/t
855x31761314 . I'll be summarizing my progress on my blog, too, but not as frequently as on that topic.
In the meantime, I am still waiting to hear on a particular interview. I will blog once I know, one way or the other. You can count on that, even if it's today.
Enjoy Harry Nilsson.
Monday, February 01, 2010
I made any number of mistakes heading into surgery, but I also did a few things right, if I do say so myself. I want you to know what I know now. That way, if you go into it, or you know someone who is, you can be better prepared.
I chose this song not only for its lyric (which is in the title of this blog, as always), but also because it's positive, major chords. But it made me cry a little this morning. What can I say? I'm still overly emotional and I suspect I will continue to be so until my routine is restored. And that will be at least a few weeks from now, and more likely it will be a few months.
But back to prep. There are a lot of things that you can do that will make life easier, not only for you but for your caregiver(s). Every little bit helps. I'm going to not only list my suggestions but also tell you why I'm suggesting something. Of course you're free to reject everything. You won't hurt my feelings.
Also, to recap, for those who may not have been following along, I had a tummy tuck, a breast lift and an umbilical hernia was repaired. All of these things happened 17 days ago. You may be getting one or two of these procedures, or something similar. Hence you may need to modify my suggestions to suit your own particular situation. Oh, and my apologies in advance if any of this is too icky, or it seems like TMI.
SIX MONTHS BEFORE SURGERY
* Make your appointment for surgery - I *highly* recommend getting the surgery done in the Wintertime. This is because you'll have to wear a surgical binder, and, even in 30 degree weather, you can find yourself sweating into it. Sweat's got salt in it, and your open wounds are being covered by the binder. Yeah. Ouch. Imagine the sweat when it's in the 80s. Another reason is, the binder must be worn about 2 months or so. Hence mine will come off in mid- to late-March. Just in time for lighter clothes, and the 5K running season will begin in April.
* Line up your caregiver(s) - more than one, if you can get that. Generally, your primary caregiver will be your spouse or significant other, or a parent. Ask them if it's okay, as it might not be, or they might have their own issues. And be sensitive to their needs. If your mother is 95, no matter how much she loves you and wants to do it, she's not a good choice for a primary caregiver. But she could be all right for a secondary caregiver. The secondary is to give the primary a break, perhaps allow the primary to go back to work, or get in some "me time", or just take you to the doctor on occasion. Your primary will thank you a thousand times over if you can do this for them.
* Start strength training, if you haven't already started - work EVERYTHING. Your abs are going to be out of commission for a while, so it's better if they are as fit as possible before surgery. That way, when you are able to go back to working them, they might still have some fitness. Plus well-worked abs might require less surgical intervention. Work your arms because for the first few days after surgery, that's how you're going to get in and out of bed. Work your legs because they will also assist you for getting in and out of bed. Work your chest because, if you have breast work done, you also won't be able work the chest area for a while. Hence give yourself some extra fitness there as you'll be idle for a while.
A WEEK BEFORE SURGERY
* Get your hair cut - you won't be up for it for a while, so do something nice for yourself.
* Stock up on the following medical supplies - tape, bandages (you can get some from the hospital; I got 2 weeks' worth. Problem is, I need 4 weeks' worth, possibly more), big band-aids, Bacitracin or the like, baby powder (you'll want to sprinkle this on the inside of the binder every time you put it back on), Zantac (the way you sit and lie may very well give you reflux; you can also get it from your pain meds. Ask your doctor if it's okay to take it), Maalox (same idea as Zantac, but it's not as long-lasting. Go with whatever your doctor recommends), Colace (general anesthesia and narcotic pain meds can give you wicked constipation. Again clear this with your doctor), Fleet Enema ('nough said), Monistat1 (if you need to be cathetered, you can find yourself with a urinary tract infection. Get the one-day deal even though it costs more, so that you can minimize any suffering you may encounter), Cortaid (this is anti-itch cream; healing skin can become very itchy, and scratching will reopen everything), Hydrogen peroxide (for wound care), Q-tips and/or cotton balls (to apply the hydrogen peroxide to your wounds), Extra Strength Tylenol (it's better than Aspirin or Advil because it won't make you bleed. But ask your doctor first), Mederma (this is a cream for scar care. Start applying it as soon as wounds have healed in order to minimize the appearance of scars), saline nasal spray (sneezing and nose blowing will hurt for the first few days, so avoid that by blowing a little gently but frequently. Make sure your doctor says it's okay to use this; it might not be if you have high blood pressure), multivitamins (clear these with your doctor; you'll need them at least for the first week or so as you won't be eating much, so this will give you a fighting chance to get in some nutrition) and, finally, sunscreen (any scars will have to be either covered or sunscreened for at least a good year after surgery).
* Pick up any prescriptions you've been given
* Make sure you have the following other supplies on hand - about a half a dozen pairs of panties that are one size too big (these are granny panties; be as comfortable as possible), slipper socks (you'll get them from the hospital, too; this is in case you need extras so you can wash a pair), slippers with treads, two pairs of sweat pants that are one size too big, about four tops that are maybe a size or two too big (these should be minimal fuss as you will end up sleeping in them half the time), at least one zippered sweatshirt or soft (non-itchy) cardigan (you'll get cold, then too hot, and back again, so make it easier on yourself and avoid having to raise your arms to take off this sweater or sweatshirt), extra pillows (the less you have to lean back, the happier you'll be. It'll be easier on your abs and it will minimize the risk of reflux), blankets (my parents brought over an electric blanket and it was heaven), soft cover books or crossword puzzles or magazines (you won't be able to lift -- or rest on your abs -- a heavy hardcover book), jigsaw puzzles if you like them, playing cards, and any other easy entertainment. Movies are fine, but stay away from anything that's too stressful or funny, as stress and laughing both involve your abdominal muscles. Get yourself a binder alternative, such as a girdle-type item or a stretchy camisole. Make sure these items are too big for you. Also purchase a leave-in hair conditioner spray and, if you can find it, dry shampoo. Get yourself soft-cup front-hook bras if you are having breast work done. Get a pad of paper and a bunch of good pens (you will need to record your medications and anything out of the ordinary that you're feeling. The last thing you or your caregiver needs is to be hunting around for a pad of paper or a working pen).
* Stock up on the following foods and related items - bendy straws (you'll need them to drink while you're lying down), individual yogurts if you like them (there were times when that was all I could/would eat), soups, potatoes, tea bags, flavor sticks for water (you'll need to drink a lot of water), prune juice (for obvious reasons), oatmeal (the reason for all of the soft food is, a lot of heavy chewing will also involve your abs. You'll be fine after a few days to a week, but in the beginning you'll want to avoid all that chewing), and any other plain foods you like (yes, PLAIN. Narcotic pain medications, and the anesthesia, can make you nauseous, even days later, so head that off at the pass and avoid spices).
ONE DAY BEFORE SURGERY
* Do the laundry
* Change the sheets on your bed
* Make up a separate bed for yourself, elsewhere, if you don't normally sleep alone. If your partner tosses and turns it will not be pleasant for you during the first week or so
* Put a clean towel down on where you're going to sleep
* Set up a table next to your bed, with a tissue box, a pad and paper (so that you can record which medications you're taking, and any other information that will help your doctor and caregiver), napkins, bendy straws, magazines and anything else you might need on hand
* Go out to eat (you won't be able to for a while, so treat yourself nicely)
* Fill the car(s)'s gas tank(s)
* Pay any bills and balance the checkbook, if those are your regular tasks
* Board your pets, at least for a couple of days (you might want them nearby, but if they get on and off the bed, it'll hurt. You won't be able to let them in and out, walk them or change litter, and if they get underfoot and you trip, it will REALLY hurt. So seriously consider at least a few days of pet-free living)
* You may also want to consider, if you have very small children, having them sleep over elsewhere, at least for the first night or two (teenagers and tweens can obviously fend for themselves, but preschoolers may not understand why you are moving slowly or taking forever in the bathroom, or why you can't pick them up. Plus you will mainly be sleeping for the first few days, and your primary caregiver will be occupied caring for YOU. So make it easier on your primary caregiver and make it so that s/he doesn't also have to care for the kids)
* Color your hair if you do this at home (you won't want to have the hair color rinse off in the shower over your wounds until they've completely healed)
* Remove any nail polish from both fingernails and toenails (you aren't allowed to wear any makeup to surgery, and there are things that doctors can tell by checking your fingernails, such as whether you've become cyanotic. Make life easier for your doctor and take off the polish
* Clip your fingernails and toenails (it'll be too hard to bend over and clip your toenails for a while. As for your fingernails, for the first few days after surgery, you may be absently touching your face or body a lot; it would be best if that didn't mean you were constantly, inadvertently, scratching yourself)
* Take a shower and wash your hair, shampooing twice (you won't be able to shower for a while after surgery). Oh and shave your bikini area. ALL of it. Trust me on this one; the doctor's gotta put tape somewhere. 'Nough said.
* Pack your overnight bag for the hospital and take the following items - a pair of larger panties, a large top, a large pair of sweatpants, two pairs of socks, a laundry bag, a case for your glasses (if you wear eyeglasses), your prescriptions in their original bottles (including anything you take regularly that isn't surgically-related, such as thyroid medication), a soft cup bra (only if you aren't having breast work done. If you are, they'll give you a bra to wear) and your cardigan or zip-front sweatshirt. Also bring basic toiletries: powder, deodorant, hair brush, tooth brush, tooth paste. You may get some of these things at the hospital but it's nice to have your own things.
* Take down from high shelves anything you might need. Reaching up is going to be tough for a while.
FIRST WEEK AFTER SURGERY
* Get up and walk whenever you can. You will have very little stamina but every moment up and about will help you. Try not to let your caregiver wait on you hand and foot, no matter how tempting that might be. It's better for everyone if you become as self-sufficient as possible, as soon as possible
* Drink a ton of water. Think you've had enough? Drink more. You need to flush out the anesthesia and do anything you can to prevent or at least ameliorate constipation.
* Try to stay out of stressful situations. Just because you've got a ton of family togetherness does not mean it's time to have some sort of major talk.
* Be as good and considerate a patient as you can be. You're in pain, yes, but it's not your caregiver's fault.
* Do whatever you can independently. This will not only be better for healing but it will also improve your mood. No laundry or heavy lifting of course, but you should be the only one getting yourself in and out of bed.
* Make sure to take your medications with food or milk, EVERY SINGLE TIME.
* Visit your doctor at least once. Bring your pad of paper with your medication information on it; the doctor may want a copy. Mention anything that seems of interest or at all related to the surgery. Are you feeling hot more often than you should? Is anything lopsided? Is there swelling? There will be bruising, but what if it doesn't seem to be going away? Do your wounds seem to be healing? Do they smell? Are any stitches pulling? Are the medications managing your pain well? Can you sleep at night?
TWO WEEKS AFTER SURGERY
* You'll be more independent, which is great! This should help your mood
* Start off slow with walking. No more than maybe 15 minutes at a time, and not uphill
* Do some short-distance driving. Select a time when there shouldn't be too much traffic, so as to minimize stress. Of course make sure you are not on any sort of narcotic painkiller when you drive. Tylenol is fine
* You should be able to do things like go food shopping. Take it slow and don't lift anything too heavy; leave that for your caregiver. If you can get your groceries delivered, seriously consider that. This is another reason to get the surgery done in the Winter -- since it will take longer than usual for you to put your food away, it's better for food safety if it's not super-hot in your kitchen while the food is on the counter.
* You might be seeing your doctor. Again, mention anything of interest. If you've ended up with a hematoma or seroma, ask to have the fluid aspirated out as that will help you feel better
ONE MONTH AFTER SURGERY
* With your doctor's okay, start light strength training
* Wounds should be all healed by now. If you've gotten a hematoma or seroma, it should be close to being all resolved by now
* You should be able to work if you haven't gone back already, so long as you don't engage in heavy lifting
TWO MONTHS AFTER SURGERY
* With your doctor's okay, you should be able to take off the binder for good
* You should be able to engage in heavier strength training, and you may very well be back to your pre-surgery levels by now
There's probably more about the later times, but I haven't lived them yet so I can't comment.
I do hope this helps people. I don't want any of you making my mistakes and feeling more pain and discomfort than you have to.
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