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The Unvarnished Truth About Plastic Surgery - Part 2 - Home & Doctor Visits (Could never be blue)

Friday, January 29, 2010

If some of this is icky or seems to be TMI, my apologies, but it's all relevant. The first song is my happy place song for the week. It's what I forced into my head whenever I was feeling particularly awful. It isn't that I like the song that much. It's just that it was pleasant and slow tempo and a point of focus.


I barely remember this day, I was so out of it. And I was more alert than I'd been in the hospital! My parents arrived maybe an hour after we got me home from the hospital, and the Jespah rules were posted: #1. No making me laugh. #2. No touching or sitting on the bed. #3. There is no #3. :)

For my father, who is the Consummate Jokester, Rule #1 must've been torture.


I mainly sat around, worked on a jigsaw puzzle and slept. My parents were excellent; they cooked, they entertained and they also kept Mr. Jespah company. I ate whatever I could handle, which wasn't much.


When I left the hospital, I was told that, if I didn't move my bowels by the end of the day on Tuesday (the 19th), that I'd have to return to the hospital.

Well, nature did call that morning. And called. And called. But it was tough to answer, seeing as I still had very little use of my abs for the purposes of, well, not to get too graphic, but for pushing.

It hurt. I strained. It hurt even more. Add to this the fact that I was not drinking enough water, and that the drugs I was taking could (and did) cause constipation, and it was a recipe for disaster.

Here's where it was truly vital that my parents were there. My father and my husband drove to CVS to get me some help. My mother stayed and talked to me, just to keep me calm and focused. And, frankly, I needed to not be alone. I was scared of passing out from the pain. My mother talked to me about the family, about this one and that one. It doesn't matter what she said -- she just kept me cool and I was able to keep my head together.
My father and my husband returned. Not only did they have an item manufactured by Fleet Labs (see:
), but they had saved big bucks with a coupon I had given them earlier. The whole shebang had cost them a big sixty cents.

By this time I was not truly able to appreciate the major league bargain. I just needed relief.

Now, if there was ever even the slightest thought that my husband did not mean the old "in sickness and in health" vow, that doubt, that thought, was immediately dispelled as he helped me. I will not go into details, of course, but I do want to thank him, and my parents, for their roles in it all, for helping me. It was extremely distressing. I cannot imagine what would have happened if I had been living alone. 'Nough said.


The previous day's activities completely wore me out. I had been getting better, but I was wiped. It was a quiet day, and I desperately needed that.


It was time to get the stitches taken out and the drains removed.

Gawd. Thank God my mother was with me.

The removal of surgical drains is its own exquisite pain (with maybe a quarter of a minute of after-effect burning as well). It should be used at Gitmo. It is simply awful. And, I had had no idea where the drains were attached, because they were pinned to the front of my binder and up by my chest so that I wouldn't accidentally sit or lay on them. I had not followed them to their origination points. There are just some things you don't want to know.

They were actually attached to the front of the bikini area. I know you're all cringing, and I'm sorry. Fortunately it was very fast. But, my God. I never want to have THAT happen again.

Stitching was removed from around my breasts and then I was patched up there again with tiny bandages. The tape at my hips was left on for the moment.

And so I was done for the day. The doctor said it would be fine to go to Target and get me some clothes. And, in particular, I could get something like Spanx to use as a replacement for the binder, so that it could be washed.

Afterwards, we went food shopping. I had my own cart so that I could lean on it. We bought a bunch of produce and then I went to the fish counter while my folks bought some deli stuff. I saw my friend, for the first time in months. He's known me at 346 pounds, of course, but I don't think he's seen me look quite so hellish. I held onto his arm to hold myself up. It was good to see a friendly face.


Target was not crowded and my parents left me to my own devices. I kept looking for front-hook soft-cup bras. They apparently did not exist at that particular Target. And soft-cup back-hook bras only existed if you got nursing bras. Weird. I bought two nursing bras anyway, along with a stretchy camisole to hold me in and a harder stretch long-line panty thing to hold the bottom. Plus a size Large shirt so I'd have another thing to wear over the binder. And then I went to the swimsuit area and picked up something in the Juniors department (I haven't shopped in that department since I was maybe 19 or so) to remind me of why I'm doing this in the first place. We were there for maybe an hour but I was worn out.

My plans for the next day were a shower and then we'd have brunch out and see off my parents. Everyone agreed I'd come a long way. I went up and down the stairs seven times, three of them in the evening, in order to get all prepared for the following morning. Mr. Jespah and I stayed up late (well, late for me) and watched the entire Haiti special. Oh, and TOM arrived (this is important).

The above song is what ran through my head for much of the 23rd.


I got up at maybe 5 AM and could not sleep any more, so I turned on the iPod and listened to music for a while, for the first time since the day before the surgery. I whispered to sing along to the songs. TOM was heavier than it had been the prior day. 6 AM came and it was time for Oxycontin. Keep in mind that this is a narcotic. I took it and the other early morning medications I'd been taking, and then sat down to do the crossword puzzles. By seven or so, everyone was out of the upstairs bathroom. I walked up the stairs and thought, hmm, it feels like the stitches are pulling over my right breast. I commented on that to Mr. Jespah. He asked if we needed to call Dr. Silverman. I said, well, I don't know. Let me shower first.

I stripped down and noticed that my right breast was significantly larger than my left. It had a crease in it from where it had pushed up against a soft-cup bra I had worn to sleep. It hurt a little to the touch. But I was hellbent on having a shower. I knew we'd have to call the doctor, but I figured it could wait. I told Mr. Jespah to stay nearby.

I took about 2/3 of the shower when I began to feel lightheaded. The shower was not that hot, but it wasn't a cold one, either. I had conditioner in my hair but had otherwise rinsed everything. But I could not hold myself up. I grasped the grab bar (so glad we had it installed when we had the tub interior redone a few years ago). I called for Mr. Jespah or perhaps he heard me -- that part is foggy. Call the doctor! Well, it's a Saturday. He came in and turned off the water and called the answering service. I was nauseous and dizzy, and sat on the side of the tub with a towel over me. I then felt slightly better and rinsed the conditioner out of my hair. That may seem vain or silly but I realized I'd be going to a doctor or a hospital soon; might as well prevent yet one more problem for myself. I finished and sat back down. I was a mess. At eight, he gave me an Oxycodone, which is for breakthrough pain and not taken on a regular basis. It's another narcotic.

I was nauseous, dizzy and cold, then hot, particularly over my right breast. I told Mr. Jespah to call an ambulance or perhaps he suggested it. Again, foggy. We got me dressed as quickly as possibly (it was in the 30s). The EMTs arrived, Arthur and Mark. They had a portable stretcher with them but we didn't use it. I held Arthur's hand as we walked down the steps. Mr. Jespah and I sat in the back of the ambulance with Arthur. Sitting was easier than lying down. Mark drove.

St. Elizabeth's is very close so it did not take long. I was brought into the Emergency Room via wheelchair and Dr. O'Neill, the doctor on call, took a look at me. He thought I had had a vasovagal episode (see:

Then we went over the reasons I might've been feeling faint:
* fasting
* no water except minimal amount to swallow pills
* narcotics without food
* recent surgery
* the breast thing (I'll get to that in a moment)
* warm shower raising my body's temperature
* heavy TOM meant that I was even more dehydrated and had lost more sugar

Yep. It all made perfect sense. The perfect storm of conditions to cause fainting. I had not felt faint any other day because on those other days:
* I'd had my Oxycontin and then eaten not too long afterwards
* I wasn't climbing the stairs in the morning
* I was drinking tea or cocoa in the morning
* no shower until that day
* no heavy TOM until that day

Now, as for the breast thing. Dr. O'Neill felt it was possibly a hematoma. See:
. He said this is not uncommon. It was possibly a blood clot in the breast as a result from the surgery. We asked, and he confirmed: THIS CANNOT LEAD TO A STROKE.

Allow me to repeat myself.


But it's uncomfortable, and lopsided. The swelling was slated to go down, in days or weeks. In the meantime he said I could pad the other side to even things out.

Dr. Silverman's associate, Dr. Lee, came in for a look, and brought along an intern, Jake. They took a look and agreed that it was either a hematoma or a seroma. See: . They confirmed that it could go away in a few days or weeks, but an interview would be fine. In the meantime, I already had a followup scheduled with Dr. Silverman for Thursday, and was told to keep that appointment.

The Nurse Kathy came in and drew blood, just to make sure that I didn't have a seriously elevated white cell count, which would be a sign of infection. My vitals had already been taken. My pressure was good, and my temperature was normal. The signs did not point toward an infection but of course this was due diligence. I also found myself with a little acid reflux, most likely due to how I was sitting/laying.

The bloodwork came back and I was cleared to go at about eleven or so. Since everything is on hospital time, this meant I didn't actually leave St. E's until around noon or so. Dr. Lee and Jake did return, and we pointed out to them that it looked like the swelling was going down a bit. That is apparently possible.

I got home (I walked out of the hospital, no wheelchair!) and had some very plain food. My parents left and Mr. Jespah and I got upstairs, where I was napped and read with an ice pack on my right breast. Someone should invent an ice pack insert for a bra. That would come in handy.


I don't normally get acid reflux, but my body decided, hey, this is something that's gonna happen. Again. Ai yi yi.

Maalox is an extraordinary invention.

Mr. Jespah and I also decided it was about time I started doing a little cardio again. We decided to start up as if I were again 346 pounds and starting from nothing. We walked around the block, a trip of no more than a quarter of a mile and probably a lot less. This normally takes me about five minutes. It took fifteen, and that was all I could possibly do. But it was a start, and it felt good to do it.


Mr. Jespah left for work and I spent some time online. I have to show job search activities but they can be done online. I had finished, was actually, finally, recording my food on Spark, and otherwise winding down. The phone rang, and it was Dr. Silverman. Come on in.

I took a cab. It was a good thing I went to see the doctor, as he grabbed a needle and aspirated out about 15 cc of, er, stuff. It's still unclear whether it's actually a hematoma or a seroma, but that kind of doesn't matter. This did help some of the swelling go down but he told me that it might swell up a little bit more before it goes down in earnest. In the meantime, ice became a constant companion.

The doctor also told me that the reflux is partly due to body positioning and partly due to the narcotics. Another delightful side effect.


I finished up the first of the drugs and was glad to see them go, as the reflux was even worse. But I was able to be awake and alert even more. I got some rest in the afternoon and we walked again. Instead of one block taking fifteen minutes, it took twelve. Progress!


With no more Oxycontin, Extra Strength Tylenol became more important to me. I still had Oxycodone left but decided I only wanted it for nights.


In a sure mark of insanity, I agreed to a job interview at 10 AM, and a doctor visit at 4 PM. But both, surprisingly enough, turned out to be good ideas.

The interview went well, not only for the two-hour conversation I had with the three principals but also because I was wearing something a lot nicer than sweats and sneakers, and did not lose stamina. It felt good and vital to do something so normal. I crossed my legs and thought, that's normal, that's good. I do not know yet how I did. Details to follow if the results are positive.

When I got home, my intention was to change, eat and rest. But there was a phone message: could I come in earlier? Sure. So the plans were altered to change clothes and eat but don't rest.

The doctor took out more fluid. This time, 50 cc! 50 cc = 0.05 Liters, AKA about 2/10 of an ounce. That may not seem like a lot, but the projection was maybe an inch. Yep. Ow. It was a huge relief to get that out of there. There was still a possibility of more fluid, or of fluid in the other breast. But for the time, things felt infinitely better.

He also told me that my navel, which is still kind of, er, damp, will be so for another 2 weeks or so. Just keep cleaning and changing band aids. He removed one last stitch that must have been missed the last time, and took off all of the tape. I was left with the band aid over my navel and two surgical pads on the underside of each breast (those are just a little sore and red but otherwise okay). Once all of that heals, I'm done with all of that, and all I'll have to do is wear the binder or its equivalent (the stretchy camisole and stretchy shorts I was wearing proved to be decent substitutes).

1/29 TODAY

I will be wearing the surgical binder or an equivalent until mid-March, but can (and will!) walk before then. Strength training will wait until late February or so. I had originally planned on returning to my gym on Monday, February 1st, but that will end up happening later as I'd like to have my navel completely healed before then, and probably will wait to have my next doctor visit (February 18th) accomplished by then. We'll see (the doctor had said that I'd probably only be able to tolerate about 10 or 15 minutes at the gym to start, anyway).

I'd like to blog about other things but at some point I will be blogging about what I've learned from this experience. That will be Part 3 and may or may not be next week's topic. Plus I'd like to cover my return to fitness, which will take considerably longer. Those things are for another day. Thank you all for your kind attention and good wishes. It means a great deal to me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHYTEBROWN 3/26/2014 12:32AM

    emoticon again

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NO_EXCUSES_ 2/2/2010 7:21PM

    You are a very strong woman. I appreciate your honesty and in depth detail. I hope you heal really fast!


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KAYBEE37 2/1/2010 1:43AM

    Hang in there and thanks for the information. How on earth did people ever make informed choices about stuff like this before we were able to share our experiences on the internet? Anyway, thank you for being so honest.

Just a quick comment about something you wrote in the beginning of the blog -- it drives me nuts how hard it is to find a bra that hooks in the front. It took me weeks after my surgery last fall to be able to put on a regular bra without needing to rest after the ordeal.

Best of luck to you with your continued recovery!

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MARCHMAID 1/30/2010 4:29PM

    Simply fascinating! Thanks for sharing. How would we ever know otherwise? Looking forward to more details and to results of the interview. THAT took courage of an entirely different sort so soon after this surgery! WOW!

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NYAYNE 1/30/2010 4:01PM

    I am glad you are feeling better, that you are now getting up, out, and around. Your crash in the shower could have been partly caused by low iron also. In my teens TOM would always make me crash.

To be honest, as a multi dog house hold, I laughed so hard over 1/19 killer poop DH asked what was so funny. I did not share.

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250STRONG 1/30/2010 1:12PM

    Stumbled onto your blog. Many of the things you wrote about were things that I also experienced after my hysterectomy last March. I am just getting so that I can do crunches without everything cramping right up and me laying, writhing on the floor. And the combo of pain meds and constipation - I totally get that. Hang in there!

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FIT_TERI 1/30/2010 10:57AM

    Wow. You're so right about being lucky to have supportive husband and parents around. I don't know how people handle this otherwise. I'm sorry you've been having such a difficult recovery. It sounds like the worst is behind you, though. At least I hope that is the case and here's to feeling better and better every day.

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LESS_IS_MO 1/29/2010 11:11PM

    You are so brave to share all of this with us. There are many people better informed about it now! Glad to hear you were well enough for an interview. That bodes very well. And good job getting off the meds inside of 2 weeks - that`s important. You are fortunate to have the family support and I`m sure you`ll repay them in spades when you`re well. (Well you KNOW you are very likely going to be repaying your mother one day - but hopefully a long long way away)

Hope it all turns out even better than expected.

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MS.ELENI 1/29/2010 10:56PM

    When I had my ICD (implanted cardiac device) replaced I had a large hematoma. It looked like I had a third boob.It took 4 months for it to go down.It wasn't painful tho.
It sure sounds like he- l to have the skin removed. My heart doc is not going to let me do it but I am not sure I would want to go thru what you are going thru.But you sound like it gets better each day.I am amazed you went to Target.You are tough.

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LAB-LOVER 1/29/2010 10:04PM

    Wow! I had no idea. Congrats on making it through the worst of it! And confirmation of my surgery phobia!

Hang in there... better days are on the horizon!

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LIV2RIDE 1/29/2010 9:07PM

    Sounds like you are trying to get back to normal. I hope you heal up real soon. Keep the music flowing and feel better every day. emoticon

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EMMASMART 1/29/2010 8:53PM

    I'm so glad that you are able to cut down on the narcotics so quickly. I had physical addiction to Percocette after my last surgery (he literally hit a nerve!) and I did the chills and nausea stuff. For the GERD try (and this should be more and more possible) not to lie down until 1 hour after eating. I like the gaviscon (generic is okay) for the GERD however the zantac stuff that is long lasting is superior. You might be treating the GERD long after you are back to the gym. I am soooo excited for you! I was thinking about you today as I am moving and came across a box with your address on there! (Apparently I keep everything!) I'm glad to read this and glad you are up to writing it. I have had a surgeon remove fluid and it is a wonderous experience. It does resolve on its own after a while, but why suffer when they can remove it. I have to be careful not to watch them do it. It makes me all fainty.

I guess I'm lucky that my TOM slows up if I am not okay to have it. I guess you will be making sure you get your fluids. This was definately TMI and I so appreciate your sharing this with us. You are gonna look awesome! I bet there IS bra ice. We just have to find it.


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SABRINAWHO 1/29/2010 7:20PM

  You're doing great! I had a tummy tuck several years back, with lipo in a few places too. I remember well the pain upon waking, and the loooong nights while you can only lay in one position. It gets better about day 10 and exponentially from there.

And high five on the drain removal! I swear I think I was most scared of that post surgery. I nearly passed out when they removed them. Ugh! (although i had kind of a blast with those weird things...even named 'em. gotta get your laughs where you can, right?)

Congrats on getting through all this!

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GEE-KNEE 1/29/2010 7:14PM

    Oh Geez..., that doesn't sound all that fun. I hope you are feeling better soon.

I have to say..., I am another one you may have scared away from having excess skin removal. Although, once you post your after pictures, maybe we will all change our minds again.

Best wishes,

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RUSSELLORAMA 1/29/2010 6:59PM

    Yikes, I'm glad that you are starting to feel better. I had surgery in September and had hematomas, draining, and they wouldn't even let me LEAVE the hospital until I did #2. You're right, that whole "sickness & in health" things definitely gets put to the test. Best wishes for a smooth recovery!

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TELERIE 1/29/2010 6:47PM

    Thanks for posting your story. I am so glad you have most of that behind you and are on the mend. I won't even consider surgery for a few years. I need to get to goal and then some before I dare to think about that. Remind me to re-read this when I do, please?
Lots of healing hugs & good wishes!
Frozen peas are great.

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KUANGIE 1/29/2010 3:54PM

    Another ice pack altermative- but may not be something you have on hand. Soak a baby diaper with water, then freeze in a ziplock. Works great for engorged breasts and mastitis : )

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CAROLISCIOUS 1/29/2010 11:49AM

    Wow...what a time you have had. They make it look so easy on the tele. I think the worst is far behind you. Isn't it great to have people who care about us and take care of us when we are down? Give that wonderful hubby of yours kudos from me! And the parents, too!

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KAREN_01 1/29/2010 11:39AM

    This morning I was looking at the flab of fat I have and thought, geez it is going to be a big flab of skin once I get to goal!! I'll just get some plastic surgery. Now, that idea does not sound all that good to me. After two cecarians and a foot operation I had my fair share of surgeries and complications. You just brought it all back to me :)

But I really do hope that you will heal perfectly and without any more hickups. Can't wait to see final before and after pics!

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JLITT62 1/29/2010 11:01AM

    All I can say after reading some of this (and I'll admit to a bit of skimming, too) is that I sure hope there is no surgery in my future. I've had a few necessary surgeries as a kid, and as a result, I would just never do something elective. That's me -- I'm a wimp.

Continued heal well & quickly vibes.

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SWEETZMIX 1/29/2010 10:46AM

    WOW You sure have been through a lot and yeah I CRINGED! hehe I am one of those people who like to watch the discovery channel and when the lion eats on the baby zebras, I close my eyes and yell "tell me when it's over." lol So all in all you are doing OK. Don't even worry about some exercise. Take care of yourself and your body. Don't want no infection like you said, plus once this is all said and done...this spring you will be working out in some super cute and fitted workout clothes. hehe that's what I do & I gained weight! And you will feel sO wonderful. I don't know about that Jr bikini. lol I stopped wearing jrs a long time ago, no matter how small I get I can not fit my hips into those little clothes!

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IAMSHE-RA 1/29/2010 10:44AM

    Thanks for posting these blogs about your surgery. We all need to hear the truth! Cosmetic surgery is a wonderful thing, but it is surgery and should not be gone into lightly! I'm so glad you are on the mend!! emoticon

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 1/29/2010 9:18AM

    Lordy. That is quite the saga, already.

I'm already in juniors clothes (Large juniors), and unfortunately I think the variation in sizing of 10s etc. is a function of the clothing industry and not our bodies. So you will be smaller, but still probably not fit perfectly everything with a certain number on it.

Thanks for sharing. Now that I'm so close to "done" (I got my DXA body fat scan done on the 15th and it said 19%) I'm starting to assess the damage and wonder if I'm ever going to want to do the surgery or not. I'm planning on waiting for at least 2 years after I reach goal, so it won't be any sooner than 2012. I want to give my skin a chance to recover over time and see what it does. My boobs, however, are pretty much in the state you described for yours, so I don't have high hopes in that department (no pun intended, LOL. Sorry if I made you laugh)

Hang in there. Good thing virtual hugs won't hurt like the real thing might!

P.S. They DO have little tiny ice packs suitable for putting in bras. I got a couple when I had a biopsy done a couple of years ago. They're small and round.

Comment edited on: 1/29/2010 9:24:13 AM

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    It's work taking care of one's self isn't it? Good descriptions. And not TMI. You may help someone else who faces surgery and reads this.

Tip. Frozen peas for an ice pack. They conform to the area in need of ice and are "soft" feeling, not hard like ice cubes or prone to melt together like crushed ice. And you can customize the shape and size unlike gels. I keep ice pack peas in the freeze marked with freezer marker so I don't mistake them and eat them some day. They have been refrozen many times. Wack em on the table or counter before use and they are fab.

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KUNGFOOD 1/29/2010 9:06AM

    Whew! I'm so glad you have a support team and great medical staff attention.

Best wishes for smooooother recovery!


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PHEBESS 1/29/2010 8:31AM

    Wow, what an ordeal! Just take it easy, do a tiny bit more each day, follow doctor's orders EXACTLY, and REST!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and feel better, too!

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The Unvarnished Truth About Plastic Surgery - Part 1 - Pre-Surgery & the Hospital (Shake it up baby)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

There are going to be at least three of these, perhaps four or even five as I sort out and process everything that is continuing to happen to me. But I want you to know -- while it is fresh in my mind. You need to know this, and I need to tell you. I NEED to tell you.

Some things are going to be alarming. Some will be gross. It is very personal. But I want to -- I insist -- on laying it out for you. This naked, shivering truth.

I had the following three procedures done on the 15th: breast lift, umbilical hernia repair and tummy tuck. Of course most people don't have all three done at once or even at all. I've been thinking for quite a while about whether if, knowing what I know now, I would have done all or most of these things, and whether I would have done them all at once. Today, my conclusion is that I'd still do it. Same way. But there have been many times I've thought of doing things differently in the past few days. Anyway, here's my tale.


I went in for a consultation about six months ago. I was interested in breast reduction, actually, and didn't even know I had a hernia. The doctor took one look at me and said, if we reduce you, you'll end up looking like a teenaged boy. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but that's not how I wanted to go. Hence I decided to go for the lift. The bottom line, even though, of all three procedures it's probably the one most informed by vanity, the lift is something I want because I've had sagging breasts for twenty freakin' years. I looked middle aged when I was still young. Now that I'm middle aged, I'd like to look young. Or at least younger. Hey, humor me. :)

So I said yes to all three.

Before going to the hospital, I did the following: I packed an overnight bag. VERY IMPORTANT: I included a top and sweat pants that were too big for me. I was a Medium before I walked into the hospital. The top was an old 2X and the sweats were XL. Also, we arranged for my parents to come up on Sunday. This would assure that they'd be around to take over for my husband so that he could return to work, plus he does not drive so they would be able to help with emergencies. And to keep him company and spot him. It's too much work for one person.

We also cooked some bean soup in advance and bought some easy foods like deli sliced turkey and little individual Greek yogurts. I cut up tons of produce for future salads. We were set.

Our expectation was that I would not even stay overnight. Ha! How wrong we were.

Oh yes, one more thing. Because I am looking for work, I arranged for a job interview (an in-person; I had already talked on the phone to the Hiring Manager) for today. Insane.


We arrived early (we walked to the hospital; it's that close). The doctor was there and I changed into the lovely attire they give you. And then the next thing the doctor did was, he grabbed a purple magic marker and marked me up. Lines on my breasts. On my belly. Around my navel. Under the breasts. To the sides of my hips. Purple everywhere.

Then I met the anesthesiologist and signed more consent forms.

I'd like to right now acknowledge all of the amazing people who cared for me: Dr. Richard Silverman (my surgeon); Dr. Derek Keller (anesthesiologist); Tom (surgical nurse); Kaye (ICU nurse); Katie (overnight nurse, both nights); Leanne (day shift, first day, first shift); Jackie (day shift, first day, second shift); Courtney (fill-in nurse, both days) and Kelli (day shift, second day). See all those days? Oh yeah. My plan to be outta there without an overnight stay was, shall we say, overly optimistic.

Back to our story. I signed the forms and they wheeled me in, or at least I assume that's what happened, as things get foggy. Shots in the arm, in the IV line. Lights out. I learned later that Dr. S. did me from the top down. And, for the breast surgery, I was up on my elbows a lot, so they hurt later.

I woke up in ICU. Mr. Jespah was there; so was Dr. S and Kaye. Dr. S told me he'd removed six pounds of flesh. The entire apron of skin around my belly was gone. He had stitched down my abs. I was wearing a soft truss and a kind of surgical support bra. Inside the bra were the ends of two drains, attached and hanging down on the right side. Everything was taped up snugger than a Christmas package.

Kaye kept talking to me. She was unbelievable. She did whatever was needed. Mr. J would come in and out (I don't think he was allowed to constantly stay in the area). Kaye, of course, had to stay. I could hear machines and the other ICU nurse, Carol, talking to the patient in the next, I dunno, area. They aren't really rooms. More like booths, I suppose.

Then Kaye tried to get me to sit up. We were all still of the opinion that I might head home that night (it was getting late, 8 PM?).


If you were wondering about today's blog song and why I chose it, here's why. The song, if you cannot get to Youtube, is The Beatles' "Twist and Shout".

Because that's exactly what I did.

I have never felt such agony. You don't know what your abs do until they hurt like THAT.

Kaye and I tried to move me. I screamed. Ixnay on THAT. I then apologized. She said I didn't have to. I said, I just don't want to alarm the person in the next room. And it's true. I never knew their name or even if they were male or female. But I hope I didn't scare Carol's (the other ICU nurse) patient. Things are scary enough.

The decision was immediately made for me to stay overnight. Kaye called Marco to wheel me to seventh floor West in the Seton wing. St. Elizabeth's Hospital is a Catholic hospital, so the wards are named for various prominent Catholics. Seton is of course Elizabeth Seton, the first American Catholic Saint. I asked Marco if he was an immigrant from Italy. No, Costa Rica. He got me in, safe and sound and wished me well.


This is where I met Katie, a pretty, young woman, probably in her twenties. It was maybe midnight on the 16th. I did a lot of sleeping, of course, as is to be expected. The first alarming thing was being unable to urinate. Not a happy thing. Not at all.

If you are reading this and you can urinate on your own, I know this sounds silly but, flush an extra time and think of people who cannot. Because, let me tell you, when you can't, it is just awful. Not just the feeling of fullness. It's also the feeling of utter helplessness. Yes, Katie had the unenviable task of having to catheter me.

Leanne took over in the morning. Leanne is the kind of person who calls everyone honey and love and dear. We went through all sorts of pain medications. Oxycontin (yes, that's what Rush Limbaugh is addicted to). Celebrex. Percocet. Over and over. No real relief. I was never truly pain free. They asked me to rate my pain on a scale of one to ten, with ten being agony. Trying to move in ICU was a damned 11, I swear. But during the day, even doped up, I was at a six or so.

The urination thing was still at issue. Leanne brought in Jackie. They talked. Then they brought over the Resident on call, who introduced himself and shook my hand with a grip of iron. That would have been fine if I'd been interviewing him. But lying there in a hospital bed, that just hurt like the Dickens. Yes, you use your abs to shake hands. Jackie insisted that I get cathetered again, and they stop this nonsense.

She eventually won out and came up close to me and whispered. "It's because I'm a b----." That made me smile. But no laughing. Because, you guessed it, you use your abs to laugh.

Jackie took over for a while, and was in and out with Courtney. Courtney was another lovely young woman. Jackie and Leanne were both a bit older, maybe my age. I think they were all Massachusetts natives. Mr. J was around by then (yes, for the second cathetering, too, a sight that must have been a wonder to behold). The doctor had been in, too, and his verdict was, I had to pass two tests: urinating and walking (hopefully not at the same time!). If I could not do both, I'd have to stay.

Mr. J left again (he needed to clean house and set up the downstairs couch for me, plus he needed to email my interviewer and tell them I wouldn't be able to make it). I again attempted urination. Sitting there for an hour was just not a fun time at all. But I was otherwise more alert, eating meals and talking with the staff. The phone rang a few times. I talked to my parents and my brother. Eventually Mr. J returned and I again made the attempt (this was on a commode chair so that I wouldn't have to walk much). With the water running in the bathroom, and with a lot of straining and prayer, suddenly there were happy sounds.

Mr. J wanted to gently high five me but, of course, you use your abs to high five.


There was a football game on, and so Mr. J turned it on without the sound. Even though I no longer had a roommate (when I'd first arrived, there'd been a Filipino woman with some sort of lung function issue, and diabetes -- I kept hearing Katie talking to her about her sugar numbers -- but she was gone by then.), the door was open and we didn't want to disturb the other patients. Dinner was served. Good Lord, coconut cream pie. The first pie I'd had in two years. Weird.

Naturally I did not count calories or log a damned thing. I drank scads of water, and the first thing I had after surgery was a small can of diet ginger ale that Katie gave me. Wow. The best stuff I'd ever tasted. I figure my calories were pretty much in line with what I've been eating, since there were no snacks. It doesn't matter.

I finally sent Mr. J home late that night. He needed the sleep desperately; I'd seen him dozing off in the chair.


The next day, my arms were really starting to hurt me. This was because, since I could finally eliminate on my own, I was getting up every few hours to do just that. This involved using one of those things over the bed -- I forget what they're called. But they look sort of like one of an Olympic male gymnast's rings. I'd pull myself up, swing over as well as I could, and then flop onto the commode, do whatever, and then the return trip was harder as the ring was not in a good position. Back and forth, forth and back, over and over again. Since I could not push hard (those pesky abs again!), I could not eliminate much. Hence all of the trips. But, every time I did it, things got better, or I got faster.

Kelli came in, and we decided to do some walking. We took a tour of the floor and then she got me to the Interfaith Chapel (next door to my room), where I read the bible a bit. Joseph and his brothers. I know the story but it reminded me of dreams and their meanings. And my gosh, Jacob's family was quite a blended family. But the Brady Bunch they were not.

I had accomplished my goals. I could urinate and I could walk. It was time to go.


Mr. J of course came for me. The guy who needed to wheel me out seemed to be going fast; that was scary to me. It's odd what you're afraid of, but that terrified me.

We got into the cab. The World's Most Wonderful Cab Driver helped me in. I didn't know the man, of course, and held his hand like a long-lost friend. The ride was short, cost maybe three dollars. Mr. J gave him a ten. Here, keep it all.

Going up about a dozen steps to our home was easier and faster than I'd feared. The open sleeper couch looked amazing. My parents were enroute. I was exhausted and fell into bed and awaited the next part of the adventure.

If this ending seems rushed; it is. I cannot sit still for too long. More to come in a few days. Thank you for reading.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIBBIE49 1/29/2010 10:01AM

    I'm glad u had it done. I plan to have a tummy-tuck, so it was interesting to read. I don't care about the boobs at this point. BUT, getting the abdominal muscles fixed is what matters as with age they would have stretched MORE and you would have had serious back issues. (Reason I am going to get them done when I'm at goal weight.) When I had my gallbladder out in October the surgery went through my navel and he did tell me that my ab muscles are pulled apart , which I know came from my having a 9# baby turned FACE UP and pushing for 3 hrs to get him out. (I pushed my guts out.) He was the 4th one so they didn't think I'd need a c-section.

Well, glad it went well. I'd have left the cath in longer and not did the bathroom trips right away. When I have mine done I will have to have bladder surgery to "lift" it as I have problems with that, too.

Glad u are doing well. I'm so happy for you. Now u will be able to do ab exercises and strengthen your back. Look at Pilates exercises as they are good for us.

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DDOORN 1/29/2010 9:28AM

    Yeesh...wincing my way through this, but SO appreciate your unvarnished truth as I have been kicking this idea around but mostly giving myself a thumbs down on surgery as I'm so squeamish and have so many concerns about complications.

Yet the thought still lurks around...

If I might ask...were you able to have this covered by your health insurance...?

Thank you SO much for sharing such a VITAL part of your journey!


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PROMISE2DESIGN 1/26/2010 10:10PM

    Glad to see you are home. I've had you in my prayers. Hopefully the pain lets up soon! I can't wait for you to get all healed up and tell me how that 9 inch radius off makes your clothes fit :) I'm proud of you. You are an inspiration. Hang in there sweetheart! emoticon

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GEODAWG 1/25/2010 5:27PM

    I came over here to thank you for commenting on my blog then read YOUR blog. OMG. Reminded me of my surgery only I did not have much pain. Hurry and get well!!!

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KUNGFOOD 1/23/2010 7:38PM

    What an experience! Thanks for sharing another amazing journey. I've had plenty of surgeries (skin grafts and reconstructive from burns) and can relate to this post on many levels. But you can always be humbled without totally losing dignity!

Speedy recovery wishes, looking forward to those pics. And how many pounds of flesh! Yikes yowee and that's a heck of a way to lose the pounds, my dear!


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KENNYWHEELS 1/22/2010 6:15PM

    Hey jespah, glad to hear everthing is getting better for you. as usual a very funny and interesting read. get well soon

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KUANGIE 1/22/2010 4:25PM

    Thanks for your story. Very interesting. I have saggy boobs, and elephantitis of the abdomen due to gaining 50 pounds with my pregnancies. Once I lose the weight and if I am still saggy, I will seriously consider this, that is, if I had the money.

I am wondering how the pain compares to c/s pain. But it does sound worse.

Here's to fast healing!

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LAURIE5658 1/22/2010 3:55PM

    Wow! I just found your story via a Spark friend via Friend Feed. I am now subscribed so I can follow this amazing story of YOU! Thank you for taking time to tell it to us!

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    Whew! Hoping you have a speedy and quick recovery!!! I'm late on checking back up on ya, but glad to know you made it through semi okay!


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BITFLINGER 1/21/2010 7:11PM

    Oh - one other comment. Once the cathetar is in, don't let them take it out until you're absolutely sure you don't need it anymore. Trust me on this one . . .

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BITFLINGER 1/21/2010 7:10PM

    Oh, just be glad you didn't have to pass the poop test. Usually you have to POOP and walk after surgery before they'll let you out. I can only imagine how THAT would have felt.

Just to make you feel better, I will share my latest humiliation: I have second degree burns on my butt. Yes, it's true - I spilled soup the other night and ended up sitting in it for a all of a nanosecond, which is all it took to fry my a**. I, too, gave the 11 on a scale of 1 to 10 response when it came to rating my pain. Oy vey, it was bad. And you haven't enjoyed the ER until you realize that everyone working to assist you is trying not to LAUGH the entire time.

Hey, I'm glad I brought a smile to their faces. Right now, it's all I can do to stay pearched on a donut-shapped pillow.

Hang in there!


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STRINGS58 1/21/2010 6:47AM

    Wow! I knew that people get quite bruised up with breast surgery and that abs work HU-U-U-RTS! Peeing and eating without vomiting are those keys to get out of the hospital kingdom. The recoup time will still take awhile! You did some good prep. When I had a string of surgeries starting with a partial thyroidectomy, I had to spend time preparing myself to be a good patient! Now it's your home challenge.
May each day be a healing one!

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EMMASMART 1/21/2010 12:17AM

    Regarding the scary ride in the wheel chair. Percocettes and Oxy have codienne. codienne is drying and it can screw up the balance system, which makes wheel chairs, gurney's and etc. a very scary situation. My balance is fubar regularly and when I am in hospital usually it is worse (allergic to the anti-biotic spray and cleaner) so I let the gurney drivers know to take it easy on my poor dizzy head..

I was terrified after my last surgical experience (Cardiac Cath which I aced by the way) riding home in the car and all I was on was morphine and benedryl. i have recovered. but I know to watch out how much of the good stuff. (I find pain occasionally better than spinning)

I hope you recover with great speed and are soon on your way to your interview and able once again to yuck it up as you are prone to.

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CAROLISCIOUS 1/20/2010 10:28PM

    Best laid plans, huh? Sorry that you had such an awful time...but I am enjoying the read. Welcome back.

A's called a trapeze...

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    Oh my dear Jespah I am so glad you wrote all about it and I want to see the other chapters to come.
Ow. Sympathy pains.
Good healing girl. Glad your parents are available to help. Don't rush it. Small steps just keep stepping. Gotta move your limbs and your circulation and your lungs. Gotta. Really.

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LAB-LOVER 1/20/2010 7:38PM

    I'm like Marit. No surgery, unless you count wisdom teeth. And there's a reason (lots of 'em in your story) why I'm afraid to subject myself to knives. I'm glad you made it through and are on the downhill side of recovery. Thanks for sharing your story. But I think I'm glad that this isn't a vlog! A big (careful) hug to you and a high five to Jay for taking good care of you!

Look forward to the next chapters!

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FIT_TERI 1/20/2010 6:41PM

    Wow, that sounds like quite an ordeal. I had to be catheterized once - "wait, you're going to do what?" - but it was for a very short duration. I've never had abdominal surgery but have heard from others about learning that you use your abs to do just about anything.

It sounds like you had an excellent team taking care of you. I am glad that you did and that you happened to find the world's most wonderful cab driver. It's nice to know that you sometimes can rely on the kindness of strangers.

I hope that you feel better soon.

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JLITT62 1/20/2010 3:34PM

    Sending healing vibes your way. Hope you are feeling much, much better soon.

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TELERIE 1/20/2010 3:08PM

    Healing hugs! I haven't had surgery in my life, and can't imagine that pain, but hope you're keeping yourself medicated. Hang in there and get better. emoticon

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LESS_IS_MO 1/20/2010 1:15PM

    Thanks for sharing that. I think it is important for people to know. I'm sure it will get much better from here, with only a few horrible things left, like the changing of dressings etc.

I had a very large uterine fibroid blasted with silicone particles about 5 years ago. I was also cathetered as part of the procedure - it was my first and I was deathly afraid of it (The nurse had a very hard time doing mine too. Oh joy!)
I wonder why they did not give you morphine for the pain. I got intravenous morphine and it was heavenly, let me tell you - utter peace in a bottle. BUT later, at home (I didn't stay overnight), I was supposed to take my morphine orally and I barfed it up - the tablet formed for some reason caused me a lot of dizziness and made me upchuck. Boy I was NOT a happy camper. The pain was incredible. My poor dh who is a doctor, was stunned by my screaming I think. Later I finally was able to take a Gravol suppositories and that made me able to keep down the morphine. I was ok within a few days and I still have a lot of morphine pills left, but I can't think of anything that would make me touch them. Once a doctor gave me some kind of sedative for airplane travel and taking that was a big mistake too. I hope YOU find some kind of pain killer that will keep you comfortable.

PS there was an article in my local paper today about women who get botox earning an average of, hmm i think it was 10cents per hour more than women who don't. Maybe the surgery will pay dividends on your job hunt too! Hope so!

Comment edited on: 1/20/2010 1:19:04 PM

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MARCHMAID 1/20/2010 11:56AM

    As a surgical veteran--I won't belabor the details, but I've had several--it sounds to me as if everything's moving on track.

Take it easy, stay on top of the pain--you won't get addicted because you'll run out of pills or need to take them soon enough. Don't flush 'em though. It's bad for the environment.

Smile as much as you can--it'll make the Mr. feel better and he needs to know you're OK. Good going Red Rider. You'll be fine and happy that the excess is gone--the memory of pain evaporates rather quickly which is a mercy. : )

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DMPRIDER 1/20/2010 11:26AM

    Thanks for sharing. I hope you are feeling better and better every day.

I envy your bravery/decision to get a breast lift. I have had sagging breasts pretty much from the get-go. Having had thyroid surgery two years ago, I'm not sure I would go under the knife again just to improve them even though I like the idea of them looking better.

I have to tell you, I saw something in your status last week about having an in-person interview this week and I thought it was a mistake, like a typo. Otherwise I would've warned you that you were not going on any interviews this week. I'm surprised your doctor wasn't able to fill you in on what to expect, at least to that extent.

You are brave and you are strong. Good luck with your continued recovery.

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MALCONTENTION 1/20/2010 11:19AM

    Thanks for sharing. I'd meant to wish you luck before your surgery, but it got away from me. HEAL FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see the photos of the New You!!

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GEE-KNEE 1/20/2010 11:12AM

    I have only had surgery once and it was done laparosopically (tumor in my ovary). It was an outpatient thing, and it hurt terribly. My first thought upon waking up, "I am suppose to go home like this". Yours sounds worse. Yet, being that I have sagging skin myself, I understand why you did it. I hope you feel better soon. Thanks for sharing.

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MS.ELENI 1/20/2010 11:09AM

    Your story so far is what I thought it would be.It is a lot of pain and recouping involved.But once all the healing is over it will all be worth it.Hang in there.Each day will be a little better.

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PALMTREEGIRL1 1/20/2010 11:02AM

    I'm thinking about the breast lift.....

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IFDEEVARUNS2 1/20/2010 10:55AM

    OMG, what an ordeal! And yet you'd do it again. Can't wait to hear the rest of the story! emoticon

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LIV212000 1/20/2010 10:53AM

    Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

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LOSTWITHIN 1/20/2010 10:47AM

    Thanks for sharing. I appreciate you and your experience. As for you lift, I wouldn't call that vanity. I myself have always had sagging breast. I was a DDD by the time I was 12 years old, and from experience I know that the sagging also causes the same problems as lose skin. You were not vain at all!!

I'm glad your pain has dropped down, and you are lucky to have wonderful parents who are there to help take care of you. I can't wait to read the rest of your post so that I can know what to expect when I hit my goal. I myself will have to have a full body lift plus more.

Take Care!!!

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SWEETZMIX 1/20/2010 10:43AM

    Glad to hear you are doing OK, well I know not OK, OK, but you know what I mean. Well at least all this pain is not for nothing. I must say you are a strong woman b/c many would of chickened out to do all those procedures like you did!

Miss you!!!!!

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2FUN2B_LAZY 1/20/2010 10:34AM

    Wow.. wht a crazy adventure! I always wondered what it may be like after those surgeries! You would think the doctor would tell you not to get them all at once.

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FTLSWEETIE 1/20/2010 10:33AM

    Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more about your experience. You are very brave for sharing like this:-)

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Shut the Door Baby, Don't Say a Word/You were Always There for Me

Friday, January 15, 2010

Surgery is today. I have been thinking of it for months, and the day is finally here. It's set for 12:30 and we've got to be at the hospital at 10:30. I'm certain I'll be nutty so this is a shot at coherence.

My dreams have been dominated by visions of losses of control. Not necessarily specifically medically-related, but there is a fear of putting myself into others' hands. I have always been this way. Yes, I am a Control Freak. Know thyself, right?

I put some stock in dreams, even odd and obscure ones, perhaps more than I should, but I do, and it has been that way since I was a scared seven-year-old who thought she wouldn't fit in.

One recent dream was of opening up a mess kit, you know the kind with nesting utensils, and somehow the flat knife was mechanized and spun. Tried as I might, I could not stop it, and I was becoming more and more afraid that it would cut and harm me. Finally, somehow, I took my eyes off the terrifying spinning knife and cast them on the floor; it was the old, ratty, linty carpet from when we lived in Mineola over fifteen years ago. I somehow flipped the wheeling knife over and buried it in the carpet. It stopped, the mechanism jamming due to the presence of the lint. So it was a happy ending I suppose, but it took damned long for the solution to present itself and, in the meantime, fear held my throat and my heart in its grip.

I know that my surgeon is good. I know that the hospital is good. But there is a nagging fear that somehow this will be the exception, and oxygen will fail to go to my brain and I'll become a vegetable. Or that I'll die on the table.

I cannot help these fears, no matter how much I tamp them down with other activities and concerns and thoughts, beliefs and feelings. And, in the meantime, I also am in the position of managing others' feelings. Sometimes it's all too much.

Guitars and major chords tend to soothe me, so I thought of Sugar Ray immediately. And then when I really listened to "Someday", I got it.

I hope that this is not the end, but stranger things have happened and I am mentally prepared even if my dreams are trying to tell me otherwise. So before I go, and before whatever is going to happen, happens, I want to thank you. Because you really have always been there for me. I could not have gotten here without you.

Perhaps I am sentimental, and overly dramatic. Feelings are sloppy and indulgent and don't always make much sense. But I hope that what I feel for all of you has shone through, even amidst the muddiness of my own fears and phobias and idiosyncrasies.

You have always been there for me. If I have said anything at all, at any time, let that be what is front and center, and remembered.

Thank you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCHMAID 1/20/2010 9:04AM

    Since it's five days later and I've just read this, I know you're fine! Give us all an update! Hugs and sweet dreams!

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CAROLISCIOUS 1/15/2010 11:17PM

    I read this on my crackhoe early this morning...I know everything went just fine...

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LIV2RIDE 1/15/2010 9:14PM

    I hope that everything went well. You have been in my prayers.

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IFDEEVARUNS2 1/15/2010 2:22PM

    Sending healing thoughts your way. emoticon emoticon

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JOHAL52 1/15/2010 12:40PM

    I felt similar worries when I had my surgery last year. I'd never been under anesthetic and was convinced I'd either wake up halfway through or else not wake up at all. But I am here and I am fine! Praying that you will be too!

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JLITT62 1/15/2010 12:35PM

    Sending lots of positive vibes!

Surgery is always scary. I had several as a kid, none as an adult. I pretty much just accepted it as a kid, now I'm sure I'd freak out!

We'll catch you on the flip side, as they say.

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GRANDMAAMIE 1/15/2010 11:46AM

    emoticonTAKE CARE


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BORROWEDANGEL1 1/15/2010 11:16AM

    Surgery is a scary thing, but for what it's worth just know that a higher power is there for you to lean on, and that by letting His power have control, all will be fine..

Stay Strong and may your healing be as fast as you need it to be!


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MS.ELENI 1/15/2010 10:33AM

    Any surgery is scary but you will be fine.As you said you have a good doc and good hospital. Hopefully they gave you something to relax when you first got there.By now you are there and it will soon be over. Once you recover you will be happy you got it done. Will be thinking about you emoticon emoticon

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DMPRIDER 1/15/2010 10:05AM

    Surgery is scary, it's perfectly normal to feel that way. But I'm sure you will be fine. And we'll all be here to cheer you on through your recovery. Best wishes.

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SWEETZMIX 1/15/2010 9:54AM

    You'll be fine. I know you will.

Here's to a speedy recovery! And that's not water, sometimes we need to have some vodka! It takes the edge off!

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LESS_IS_MO 1/15/2010 9:17AM

    You're a brave woman. We're all wishing for a speedy recovery, and kick-azz results!

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LILSUNFLOWER 1/15/2010 9:09AM

    Best of luck with your Surgery. We'll all be sending good vibes your way.

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    Sending you loving kindness. Now and from 10:30 on today. Update please as soon as you are able to log back to us.

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    I am sure everything will go just fine!

Good luck and I am wishing you a speedy and healthy recovery!


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TELERIE 1/15/2010 6:54AM

    emoticon Be well! emoticon

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GRAMPIAN 1/15/2010 6:29AM

  I wish you all the very best for the operation and your recovery. emoticon

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Pre-Surgery Measurements

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The before shots!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PROMISE2DESIGN 1/15/2010 6:52AM

    Congrats! You have made it. When I started my journey, one of my concerns was what will be become of left over skin. I've read a few things, but your video is a real eye opener. You look wonderful and healthy. I'm so proud of You! Does this mean you'll be posting bikini pictures? Get well soon. You'll be in my prayers. emoticon

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DMPRIDER 1/14/2010 11:14PM

    Good luck and best wishes for a speedy recovery!

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LAB-LOVER 1/14/2010 10:38PM

    I couldn't watch this tonight because I'm at a hotel with an incredibly slow internet connection. But good luck -- love that 5K T-shirt! Can't wait to hear how it goes!


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KAYBEE37 1/14/2010 10:07PM

    Best of luck to you -- hope you recover quickly!

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CAROLISCIOUS 1/14/2010 9:39PM

    I'm voting for a solid size 8, small and 10 inches! Let's go for the gold! Looking forward to hearing from you when it's all over...XX and OO!

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    I will be sending you loving kindness all day. Good outcome and speedy recovery!

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TYEASLEY 1/14/2010 8:18PM

    Good Luck!! Here's GOOD results and QUICK recovery emoticon emoticon

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LOSTWITHIN 1/14/2010 6:52PM

    Good luck with your surgery! Thanks for posting this, it helps everyone who will have to go through the same thing after their weight loss. You are the first one I have found talking about all the loose skin so I'm really grateful that you are VLOGing your experience.

Can't wait to see your results!!!


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KAT7457 1/14/2010 6:38PM

    good luck on your surgery and heal fast. hugs Kat

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STARRSTYLIST 1/14/2010 6:24PM

    Good luck to you tomorrow. Just think of how great you will feel in about 6 weeks. When all is done completely. best wishes to you..


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KENNYWHEELS 1/14/2010 6:12PM

    Good luck Jespah. hope you have a safe and speedy recovery.

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MS.ELENI 1/14/2010 5:59PM

    Wishing you great results and a speedy recovery. It will make a big change for you in a good way. I know you are nervous but you will be just fine emoticon emoticon

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TELERIE 1/14/2010 5:44PM

Thinking about you! It'll be all right!

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GEE-KNEE 1/14/2010 5:41PM

    Good luck on having a speedy post surgery recovery. Best wishes on getting good results. You'll have to let me know how this goes. I've got some skin issues myself.


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Underneath a Thousand Blankets

Monday, January 11, 2010

I confess this is a post I sent to a friend who was thinking of quitting. I hope you don't mind the recycling; just thought this one might need a bigger audience. And, by the way, I gained this week. Eh, it happens. On to better things.

Quitting is, well, I suppose we all consider it at one time or another. The trick is to squash that demon. The most powerful force in the universe is inertia. It makes you want to hang out in bed rather than get up and face the world. It keeps you in ruts (it LOVES ruts). It tamps down your enthusiasm. It tells you that you can't.

But yanno something (and you don't know me from Eve but I know from whence you speak/feel)?

Inertia is just a force. It doesn't even have any substance.

But it can be overcome. It means nothing. It is nothing.

YOU are something. You are flesh and blood and bone and will and smarts and heart and kindness and humor and mischief and love and sweetness and about a trillion things that inertia is NOT.

You are YOU. You are better than that. You are smarter, kinder, stronger and more willful.

You are better.

You are going to make it.

Inertia's just some force, dreamed up by Sir Isaac Newton when he wasn't getting smacked in the head with apples.

Well, ole Ike shoulda been EATING those apples. Then perhaps instead of Differential Calculus we'd all be sweating over Nutrition classes and studying the Great Apple Nebula in the Sky.

Okay, so I'm rambling and I'm a little (who am I kidding? A LOT) quirky.

But I do hope you will throw over the inertia, just like you threw over the bedcovers this morning and got up, even though the bed was oh so attractive. The strength to face another day exists in you, and the strength to face another day of trying exists there as well. It just needs a little coaxing, a little love, or maybe a slap on its bum, to come out. That strength DOES have substance.

Let it out there, into the universe, and you'll find that you've got a leash on its collar and it'll pull you along until suddenly you're at your destination.

Don't make it sit. Don't make it stay. Don't make it heel.

Follow it. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THECITYMOUSE 1/13/2010 6:27PM

    You are .... such a babe.
I frickin' love your nuggets of wisdom!!!

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CAROLISCIOUS 1/12/2010 9:34PM

    Grreat blog on not quitting...I'm doing good right now, but I know I will need this later on when the momentum slacks...Imma print it and put it on my fridge for when that time comes...cuz it WILL come!

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PICKIE98 1/11/2010 1:05PM


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LESS_IS_MO 1/11/2010 11:45AM

    Great job. I have to move forward too.

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    Ohhh this is so lovely. And so are you. Just what I needed today.

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MARCHMAID 1/11/2010 9:57AM

    Just when I was thinking maybe I'd had enough. . . timing is everything.


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DMPRIDER 1/11/2010 9:42AM

    Great blog and full of good advice as usual!

BTW, congratulations on your recent articles on Examiner. Very cool that. And very well-written!

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MS.ELENI 1/11/2010 9:41AM

    My favorite quote is "You haven't failed until you quit trying" I remind myself of that every time I want to give up.

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JLITT62 1/11/2010 7:49AM

    If that's quirky, then I love quirky! Great, great, great blog. Thank you.

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STRINGS58 1/11/2010 6:33AM

    oh, dang, Now I have to get off computer and deal with my counter inertia workout. I'm in that danger zone where if I don't get to it soon, it will be passed up for getting ready for work. After reading that, sheesh! now I gotta go make something happen! I'll take my resigned eyeore attitude and get out some handweights . . .

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TELERIE 1/11/2010 6:17AM

    I LOVE IT! What a great writer you are!!

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