Friday, October 31, 2008
Everyone wears masks.
Not just today, but every day.
We hide our true feelings. We tamp down our preferences. We sequester our opinions. We shunt aside who we really are.
We do it to be accepted. We do it to be admired. We do it to be rewarded. We do it to fit in.
We do it to be loved.
I realized I loved my husband (long before I married him) when I realized I wasn't pretending to be someone I wasn't and he loved me anyway.
I realized that I, as a person, as an individual, as someone different and unique and quirky, was worthy of affection and caring.
One of the things I think a lot of us do as we get heavier is, we hide behind the fat. No one looks at the fat girl, the fat friend, the fat guy. Unless, I suppose, you dress up as Santa. And then that's just another mask. The fat friend is always the sidekick, the wingman, the wacky neighbor or the one who's dying or evil but not the lead.
Be the lead role in your life. But this time, take off the mask. Show who you really are. Reveal your thoughts and speak your mind. Insist on what you need, whether it's food to fit into your plan or clothes to fit your body or time to exercise and take care of yourself. Be assertive without fear, but also without rancor.
Perform a striptease of your soul.
I think you'll find everybody is just like you. Maybe not exactly. Not precisely. But most of us have the same values, the same dreams (but with different specifics, of course), the same fears. We want health. We want security. We want companionship (and also want independence and sometimes some solitude). We want love. We want freedom. We want to be who and what we are.
It's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
It's almost Halloween. The building at work is making haunted sounds (actually, that's just construction happening next door), the server is doing all sorts of odd and unexpected things and a guy at work (who I think likes me) is calling at weird hours just to make conversation.
The goblins have come out.
The worst goblin, I suppose, was a coworker who, knowing I am watching my weight, offered me a Reese's peanut butter cup the other day. I stared at him something fierce and finally said, "I'm gonna take that 100 pounds I've lost and hit you with it."
He stopped bothering me. Goblin, not gobblin'. Sheesh.
The weird season is upon us. Cold weather brings with it the desire for comfort food. Close quarters bring stress and WAY too much togetherness. Darkness can bring on depression. Snow makes it harder to exercise. There's candy and once a year goodies everywhere. Temptation is all over the place.
Bottom line -- this is the time to really keep it together. This is what tests your resolve. This is what, once you're through it, should give you strength for times to come.
I visualized a gelatinous mass of 100 pounds smacking the guy with the Reese's. I realized (I'm so wicked) that I wanted that mass to get larger so it would be more effective. That means more of it has got to come off of me.
I think my new visualized motivator is going to be a catapult. Send that fat skyward. Blast your demons with it. Throw it off to the universe.
I bet you get back a much better treat.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Come on the amazing journey.
Take my hand and let me show you how I've gotten this far. This is my own personal roadmap. Your mileage may, of course, vary. But these are the tips and tricks that work for me.
Yes, I take it. Three times per day. Alli is not for everyone but I have found it to work. I had exactly one treatment effect. You never want to have one again, so it's a powerful incentive to be true to yourself. You can't lie to alli.
I plan out food in advance and, before breakfast, I often know how dinner will unfold. If I am going out, I get nutritional information online, or at least a menu. I make a choice, with a secondary just in case whatever my first choice is, is unavailable.
Even if you don't take alli, you can follow their diet. For anyone over about 200 lbs., here are all of the nutritional targets you need to hit:
Calories - 1800
Calories from Fat - 540
Total Fat - 60g
Saturated Fat - less than or equal to 20g
Cholesterol - less than 300mg
Sodium - less than 2400mg
Total Carbohydrate - 203 - 293g
Dietary Fiber - at least 25g
Protein 45 - 158g
Vitamin A - 100% of your RDA
Vitamin C - 100% of your RDA
Calcium - 100% of your RDA
Iron - 100% of your RDA
Water - 64oz or more
I have found, as I've been so used to watching the fat, that I sometimes need some fat to be added to my meal (alli is kinda useless unless it has some fat to work on, so they recommend at least 5 mg/meal). I call these little fat bombs. Fat bombs are things like a tablespoon of olive oil, margarine or guacamole. Or a handful of nuts. Or a tablespoon of grated parmesan. These supply various amounts of fat and some contain other interesting things but each of them can get me to 5 mg. Plus there's also things like chicken skin, salad dressing, low fat cheese -- all of these contribute. Don't forget to count fish oil capsules if you take them,
I eat every few hours. Breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, and dinner stretches out a bit so it practically encompasses a second snack.
I am more aware of salt intake than I ever have been, which means I cook a lot more of our food, including things I hadn't dreamed of making, like pasta sauce. I think cooking your own food helps a LOT.
I also try to overestimate calories and fat as I tend to underestimate portion sizes.
I get cardio every day or almost every day because of my commute but I know not everyone has the luxury. I would suggest, though, if you must drive, to take possession of the farthest away parking spot. You know the one I'm talking about, it's off in Timbuktu! Consider it as if your name is painted on a sign. You know, like the spot in the front is reserved for the CEO? Well, the most remote spot is reserved for YOU.
I also lift weights every day. Mondays and Thursdays is chest, shoulders and triceps; Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays is thighs, abs and butt; and Wednesdays and Fridays are back, biceps and calves. It about 20 minutes --3 sets of 15 reps each. I happen to be at 25 lbs. total weight but I started off at 3 lbs. I recommend a similar sort of program because the one I'm on leverages your rest days (e. g. Tuesdays and Wednesdays for chest, shoulders and triceps) and uses them for other lifting. You need not do the same stuff on the same days but I do recommend picking three areas and keeping them together in a similar pattern, plus doing the core exercises three times per week rather than two. But you could do chest, back and calves on Sundays and Wednesdays. I won't tell anybody. ;)
I also seize fitness opportunities where I can find them. I walk to do all of my errands except for food shopping (too much stuff to carry). My husband and I have found a few local restaurants that we like, so we walk to them. I carry more groceries and take out more trash than I used to.
Underestimate your fitness duration and speed just like you should overestimate calorie and fat intake. That helps a lot.
Get it. Any way you can. My natural body rhythm is to be up with the sun so that's my work schedule. I don't watch as much sports as I used to because I'm often in bed by the fourth inning or so.
Alli isn't the only thing I take. I have a failing thyroid and am on a prescription for it, but I also take kelp four times per day, which may or may not help with that. I also take a chromium picolinate pill every day which may or may not be helping me with sugar metabolizing. Now that the weather is getting colder and the days are getting darker, I've started taking St. John's Wort again, which is to help elevate mood. It's important to me to feel happy doing this as that makes it much less likely that I will fall off the wagon. I'm not above getting a little chemical assistance in that area.
Speaking of attitude, exercising and losing have both helped me to get into a better mood than I had been in for, well, for years. Even without the St. John's (which I probably won't take all Winter long like I have in the past). I smile more and also interact more with people. I think that's very important. Not everyone needs to know your life story or share in your weight loss experience but I figure wishing the postman a Good Morning is not gonna kill me and it may even help.
It's here, and it's on the alli site. Plus I run a website and there's a topic about everything you ate yesterday. I post there religiously, plus I post here, plus blogging. I want people to know about my successes, and I want to share enough that I'll feel weird if I have a lot of failures to share. Not that my friends wouldn't try to help me out or poke fun at me. No. It's that I kinda don't want to let them down.
I get newer pants every two sizes, otherwise they are quite literally falling off me. Shirts about every three sizes or so but I still have a few larger ones mainly because they could be useful, but I suspect I will toss them if I have to put them on and REALLY realize how huge they've become on me. I give away clothes to charity and willingly accept if friends have anything that might fit me. This is all transitional stuff so I'm less picky about it. I also buy a lot less and wash it more. I think right now I have four, maybe six pairs of work pants that fit, and one pair of jeans. That will change once I've hit goal but right now it's silly to own six pairs of jeans in every size.
Keep doing what I've been doing. I'd love your company.
Like Pete Townshend wrote, "On the amazing journey together you'll ride."
You don't have to take my map; you can take your own if it works better for you. Just make sure you come along, okay? :)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thank you falettinme
Be mice elf agin
Thank you all. I am touched (well, more tetched than usual).
Today you named me not only Done Gal o' the Day but also an SP Motivator. In all seriousness, you've all been so fantastic to me. I am truly moved.
Thank you from the rapidly disappearing me. The love isn't the part that disappears.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Well, I did it! I have lost 100 lbs.
Okay, 100.8, but who's counting?
I am, silly!
This is the view from the middle of the road. And it's fabulous. Both ends are fuzzy and foggy. Back to 346 is a haze, a blur, something incomprehensible done by somebody else. Someone who doesn't look like me, act like me, smile like me, eat like me, exercise like me, shop like me, dress like me, be like me. And 146 (and lower) is also a dazzle of smoke and mirrors. I have no idea who that person is going to be. And that's part of the fear, I suppose, but it's also part of the fun.
I like the person here at 245.2. I bet I'll really like that person at 146.
Thank you to everyone. Thank you to Mr. J., my constant cheerleader. Thank you to my family. Thank you to my friends. Thank you to my buddies on my site who are also fighting the battle. Thank you to alli and the alli site -- you folks are running that same race. Thank you to all you Sparkies -- you're also on the same journey. Thank you to Goodwill for taking my clothes. Thank you to my friend the fishmonger for making it easier and more pleasant for me to do what's right for myself. Thank you to my coworkers for making me laugh. Thank you to Amazon for delivering all sorts of great stuff (including alli and fish oil capsules) and helping out that way. Thank you to the economy for stinking enough that it's also an economic incentive to walk. Thank you to God for sitting back and letting me do this one. Thank you to life, the universe and everything.
I've been doing is grasping fitness opportunities where I find them. Need to go to the store? Walk. Need to drop off Goodwill? Walk. Need to get a prescription filled? Take the bus a few stops away and then walk, and walk home from there.
It's just like Chrissie Hynde sang: Get in the road. C'mon now, in the middle of the road, yeah.
Let's go together.
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