Thursday, September 25, 2008
Dang, I love that song.
Okay, oops, what was my point?
One, I'll be away for the weeknd. The Bar Mitzvah weekend has arrived! I'm feeling good. I know I'm not super-thin but that's okay. After all, I still have over 100 lbs. to lose in order to hit healthy BMI. But I look infinitely better than I did and, more importantly, I feel a heckuva lot better.
I've also scoped out my food as well as I can, and essentially have a little list of what to eat. No spontanaeity, but, truly, that's not essentially with this. I do hope it doesn't pour down rain every single day but that is a very real possibility.
The other thing is -- and it's weird -- is I started a little bit of jogging. Just in the morning, just to get to the bus, just because I'm late. And I'm finding I feel perfectly fine. No shortness of breath. No shin splints. No knee pain. No extra fatigue beyond the usual.
I feel totally fine. I've been doing it for three days now and I certainly don't go very fast, but my legs are going up and there are moments when neither foot is on the ground and it's almost -- dare I say it? -- fun.
I've never, ever had a runner's high. And I realize I'm not getting one now. And I've always thought of myself as being the sort of person who would be bored silly with a lot of running. That actually hasn't changed much. But at the same time, I'm enjoying the feeling of going just a tiny bit faster. It's not much. As Jimmy Buffett sang in "Everybody's On the Run" (a song that isn't on Youtube, but SHOULD be):
First time I ran
was to the end of the block
Well, I haven't gotten that far yet. It's a long block. On Tuesday I ran 1/4 of it. On Wednesday I ran 1/3 of the block. And today I jogged for half of the block.
I don't know what the next few days will bring. I'll do my best to eat right and get in some exercise but, frankly, if it's not perfect I'm not going to beat myself up about it.
And when I get home, I'll resume my jogging ways. That block is going to be conquered. I will do it.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Today I smiled at the homeless guy who I see almost every morning and every afternoon, walking to and from my office to the bus stop.
Now, this guy is no threat and it is no come on. It was just a smile. A little smile. And the dude smiled back a little.
And I thought to myself, my smile isn't so expensive that I can't give it away.
So I gave it away.
Now, I don't smile at everyone on the planet, of course. I do not walk around all day long, grinning like and idiot and looking as if the only reason I'm out and about is because the institution had no free chairs.
No. Of course not. But if I'm feeling good or at least neutral, what the heck? Why not?
There's a psychological value to smiling. It literally can make you happier. Even if you're not feeling so hot. Smile anyway. I don't mean: deny your feelings. Of course not! You have feelings. And they are wonderful and important and appropriate, no matter what they are and no matter what the circumstances are.
But if you want to be happy, and you aren't, try it. Smile therapy. Smile exercises. Just a little each day. A shy upturn of the lips to the paperboy in the morning. A small brightening of the face when you return a library book. A tiny shining of the eyes when you pay your trolley fare or pass every third house on your street or hear the word "interface" used in a sentence. Hey, whatever works for you. Select your own triggers, whatever they may be. And you may find that other things become triggers, things you never even thought about. These days, for me, the phrase "thank you" is a trigger, whether I say it or hear it, it doesn't seem to matter. I just smile. Certain people are triggers for me. I just can't help smiling when I see them. And yanno something? They smile right back.
And, today, I have more to smile about. I made my fifth alli goal. This means I have lost over 25 % of my initial weight. No, I haven't made it to my 90 lbs. off ticker, but so what? I'm smiling anyway.
And my measurements? Good news! I made a few new personal bests this week! My left bicep is down to 14.25"! My bust is down to an actually manageable 45.25"! My band is a sweet 38.75" -- I may, one of these days, start wearing a bra that's smaller than a 40! My hips are tied for two previous personals best of 46.25"! Only the rear and the thigh went up, 1" and .25", respectively. But, yanno, so what?
I'm smiling anyway.
My smile isn't so expensive that I can't give it away.
So I'm giving it away.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
It's 19th of the month time, so it's time for a reassessment. It's been, eep, eight months since I started taking alli, for a total of approximately 240 days. And it's 250 days since I started watching food intake and 260 since I started exercising on a daily basis. I've only missed 1 day of exercise (I had fluish symptoms) and have not missed alli. If I've gone over on calories (which I have on occasion), it hasn't proved fatal.
Weights and Measures
I am currently (let's see if it holds until Monday's official weigh-in) 257.2 lbs., which is 88.8 lbs. off in 8 months.
Measurements are a trip.
Bicep: 15" down 4"
Bust: 47.25" down 7.5"
Band: 40" down 7.5"
Waist: 43" down 6"
Belly: 50.5" down 9"
Hips: 46.5" down 4.5"
Butt: 50.5" down 13.5"!!!
Thigh: 26.5" down 5.75"
This is an average overall loss of 7.22". Take out the outlyers (bicep and thigh) and the average overall loss is a staggering 8.75"!!!
I started this journey at a size 26 up top (3x) and 28 (4x) below. I am currently officially a 20 (1x) up top and a 22 (2x, sometimes 1x) below. However, I have been able to get on some XL and 18 tops and blazers. Fit is still snug but getting there. And my size 22 pants are starting to get looser.
Tomorrow I am going to up the weights lifted to 25 lbs. I started off lifting 4 lbs. I also walk far more than I ever thought I could. Yesterday I walked home from the last trolley stop, then I walked to the Post Office. All of this in addition to my usual commuting. My hamstrings bothered me a tad while going up the hill to the Post Office (plus I was carrying a 6 1/2 lb. package) but they felt fine afterwards and I am suffering no ill effects today.
Keeping it fun, my husband and I now play frisbee twice a week. Once it gets later in the year, we'll have to stop as it will get too dark to be able to see what we're doing, but in the meantime we are having fun with it all. We walk two nights per week and also on Saturdays. I don't honestly see not going walking unless the weather is actively awful, e. g. blizzard or horizontal rain. But otherwise, bundle up and do it.
When the weather gets really bad, I intend to help him with snow shoveling. Hence we'll take advantage of the change of the seasons. He thinks we'll be able to jog together next Spring. he may very well be right.
Attitude and Emotions
Regular exercise is as good as any anti-depressant medication and I fully believe that. I believe that being 200 lbs. overweight is so clearly and obviously a sign of clinical depression that I'm a little shocked that no one else seems to see it. I know that exercise and diet (and thinness) do not cure everything but I can definitely see a marked difference in myself. Some of that is unfair, let's be honest. I am treated better, and with more respect. Is that because of being smaller, or because of being more optimistic? I sometimes wonder how we as a society treat the people who need help the most. Why is it that we shun those who need a helping hand or an encouraging word, yet we flock to those who don't need it?
Be that as it may, I have broken the shell of depression and isolation. I like it out of that shell. It's not very nice in there and I'd like to stay out for good.
Aside from the ideas of shoveling snow and walking instead of frisbee, some of my other plans including changing up the food a bit. As it gets colder, I'll want to make soup more often so it will be good to make something other than bean soup. I found salt-free matzoh meal so I'll try my hand at making matzoh balls from scratch. That should be more than possible and I will make them without salt (the mix has, I kid you not, 750 mg of sodium in every serving!). I'd like to use the slow cooker for chicken soup. That can be a good, satisfying meal and if it's made without salt it will be awesome diet fare. I also like to roast chicken and haven't done that in a while. That can certainly enter back into the repertoire.
Somewhere in there I'd like to return to having Chinese food on occasion as I have been avoiding it because of the sodium content and concern about the sauces. I feel I may be strong enough to tackle it soon.
Next weekend is the Bar Mitzvah. I know that eating will not be easy, and it may be tough to find the time to get in a workout even with facilities on site at the hotel. It's family so people are going to demand our time, and I know hotel gyms and pools don't stay open 24/7. It may be difficult to be able to take alli as I want to avoid treatment effects, and those will happen if I ingest more than 19 grams of fat in one sitting. And that may be surprisingly easy to do over that weekend. We will bring a lot of stuff but I have no idea if we will have any occasion to eat it (e. g. oatmeal). I'll do my best to get in the water and then .... Like I said, I'll do my best. It's not like this sort of thing happens every day or even every year.
Onward to more, more, more as I weigh less, less, less.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The above is one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite films. And what I love about The Full Monty is that, for the most part, they're ordinary people. Not great beauties. Just people you'd see fixing your sink or waiting on your table or driving the bus. But they're sexy.
And ya know something? They're not the only ones.
Today I got home from work. It was a long day, and I was tired. I put on a new pair of size 22 Lee jeans. I tossed on a size XL 3/4 sleeve u-neck black top. And the top's a little clingy, but instead of tucking it in, I left it out, and it hugs my hips. I took a look at myself in the mirror and was taken aback. I looked at myself on the side. And, yeah, at the back.
How the heck did that ever happen?!?!??!
Who the heck replaced me, you know, ME, everybody's Mom, the IT gal, the nerdstress, going grey, thyroid failing, dental implant-wearing, glasses-sporting, paunchy ME, with that sexy gal? That gal who's 10, no, 15, no, maybe 20 (?) -- okay, 15 -- years younger than me. That gal whose hips shake. The gal with, yes, a belly, but it's like another curve. The gal with the smile, with the flashing eyes. With the nipped in waist and the rapidly disappearing booty. THAT gal. HER.
Oh my God, she's me.
She's really me.
I mean, she talks like me. She thinks like me. She acts like me. She's me.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Hurricane Hanna came and went and here it was just a lot of rain and frankly there's been more rain at other times. This is not to diminish what it did to others but for us it was just ... eh.
I've been through real hurricanes, the kind where trees come down, and this was not much at all. Then again this is Massachusetts which by definition is very remote from tropical waters. It has to have a pretty specific trajectory to really do damage here. We get Nor'easters, sure, and those are essentially snow hurricanes and they can be awful. So call me in six months when I'm getting whacked with the umpteenth storm of the season.
The actual day was very humid but we went out walking anyway. It was one of those days where you just got hot and sticky pretty much no matter what you did. I don't love getting hot and sticky but this wasn't bad. If there was a day (not during a blizzard) to blow off exercising, it was that day. But I didn't.
And it paid off this morning. I smacked down another ticker goal and have now lost over 86 lbs. There is a possibility, albeit not a certainty, that I will lose another 4.8 in the next two weeks. If I do, then I've lost 90 lbs. for the Bar Mitzvah. Pretty amazing for someone who originally thought, okay, I'll lose 60 in a year. Then it was 60 for the Bar Mitzvah. And now it's looking like it'll be close to 50% more than even that.
I paged through some catalogs today, and while that in itself is not terribly remarkable, I did it with an eye to wearing not 20s or 22s but 18s. I tried on an 18 blazer I have at home as an aspiration and it fit but was a tad snug in the arms and the bottom was a bit stretched when I buttoned it. So that's close. It'll arrive in a month, maybe less, I figure. Some of my measurements are up, the bicep is down (new personal best! yay!) but no matter. The trend is going down, down, down.
Oh and that catalog? In another three or four sizes, it'll be useless to me as everything in it will be too big. I'll bag and recycle it like yesterday's newspapers. Goodbye to it and I won't miss it.
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