Wednesday, August 13, 2008
This achievement is no mystery.
I ordered some clothes for myself last week. I figured, I need to start thinking about cooler weather, and stuff is fairly cheap right now. Hence I decided to buy what I thought were going to be clothes for a size or so smaller than I am right now.
They arrived yesterday and I tried three on: a cardigan, a moleskin shirt and a Winter jacket. They all fit! All three of them! The cardigan and jacket are size 1x. The shirt is a 20 (I also have a blue shirt that now fits that's a 20). There are pants to try on, too. I'll work through them as the week progresses, just doling out little dollops of trying on every night rather than doing everything in one shot.
When I am down one size more, to 18s and XLs, I will be smaller than I've ever been since we started living here, which was 1995.
I have about 120 lbs. to go and 6 more sizes is very reasonable. That would put me at a size 8 finish line. Every 20 lbs., baby!
Those are a lot of bridges to cross, and I'll enjoy them when I get there. And I will, without a doubt, get there.
Friday, August 08, 2008
My dear friend lost her battle on August 5th.
And while I still feel awful about it, I'm also coming to terms with it. And she's teaching me a few things in death, like to take as good care of myself as I can because I am healthy and (fairly) young and when the end comes that will make a serious difference in when and how it happens.
I was also thinking, y'know, it's funny.
I am an incredibly hard worker. I also do my best to be a smart worker because I really despise getting home late and these days it's pretty much required that I get home in time so that I can work out and we can make and eat a good meal without rushing and doing all of those bad habit things you're not supposed to do while you're trying to lose weight.
But when I'm at the office, even though I'm pleasant to people (ask how they are, etc.), I don't sit and chat or complain. I just get my work done, even if I have to ask a million questions. I still manage to focus and get it done.
So why couldn't I focus like that on myself until now? Am I not worth the same time, attention, thought and passion that I give to my employer?
I never really got that until just now. I am good enough to work on. I am important enough to improve. I am powerful enough to do it. My friend would say, hold your dominion.
I say, increase it.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Today is a good news, bad news day.
The good news, or rather the excellent news is that not only did I make my alli goal (277), not only did I make my unofficial 70 lbs. gone goal (276) but I even made my ticker goal (271, or 75 lbs. off!). Of course there's a lot more to be done but it's an awesome achievement all the same if I do say so myself. I have been actively watching, exercising, etc. since the start of the year but it all came together with starting to take alli, which was January 19th. Hence it's about 6 1/2 months or so and here I am, down 75. I have another 125 to go.
My next alli goal is 258 (alli makes you take off 5% increments at a time) and I've extended the ticker another 10, to 85 off (261). If I make that before the Bar Mitzvah, I'll extend the ticker another 5. Once the Bar Mitzvah's done, I'll probably increment the ticker by 20 or 25 lbs. or so at a time. That's a thought for another day.
The bad news is that a friend of mine, a dear friend who I have known for six years, seems to be coming to the end of her life. She is older than me and has had many health issues and is currently in the hospital. Her son sends me updates, and I share them with my site, and it's all just so overwhelmingly sad. She was very encouraging about my weight loss and even helped me decide on a stability ball. She's a wonderful, warm and funny person, and wicked smart. So today's victory is bittersweet.
Friday, August 01, 2008
I saw my buddy the fish dude today.
And we actually had a real, live conversation (until someone asked whether the crab cakes were fresh). That sentence makes me giggle but I just, well, it was enjoyable. It's just pleasant to be treated well (of course my husband treats me well -- this is no slam on him at all -- it's just fun to have that come from a different angle), plus in the process I'm getting something that's good for me.
And, it's human contact. I don't get an enormous amount of human contact at work, because I'm still very new and I work with a lot of IT folks. It's beginning to look an awful lot like the two most sociable people on the team are the boss and me. Otherwise there's a lot of just staring at computer screens and not talking much. I seem to be the only person who says Good Morning or Good Night although the guy who sits next to me is starting to warm up to me. I think he's starting to see what I can bring to the table -- mainly that I can be the articulate advocate when so many of them have trouble with such things.
Another week is done. That's four, and I'm getting it and understanding things more and more, which is awesome. I'm also learning where I can push back or change things. Definitely there are improvements happening.
As for me, personally, a la weight loss and whatnot, I still await the elusive fourth alli goal. I think I've flirted with this one more than I had with the previous three, in the sense of getting close and then being over on Monday for the official weigh-in. I'm in good shape right now, but last week I was in even better shape and I still ended up over so I'm not getting my hopes up. I'll believe it when I see it. It's a process, and there are times when the process goes more quickly than at other times. I'm still thinner than I've been in, what, eight or more years. I still look different from when I started.
Slim City, here I come.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Raising the bar is hard. It is, really.
Even if you don't raise it that far, it's still a difficult thing to do.
More exercise. Heavier weights. Less food. Better choices. More sleep (well, that one's easy, assuming you have the time).
You're changing your life, and you're being reborn. Birth was hard enough the first time around. This time isn't too easy, either. Plus you're a lot more conscious of what's happening, or at least you should be.
But it's worth it. It's downright, fascinatingly, amazingly, incredibly, absolutely worth it in a way that few things are. Pop open that crysalis. Be the butterfly you were always meant to be.
You can do it, sooner or later. Don't let it be later.
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