Monday, May 26, 2008
I've lost 55 lbs. Hence the song. This is 27 1/2% of the way to my ultimate goal. It's over 15% of my original weight off. It is ... my third goal.
Actually, it's a pound past my third goal. Fourth goal is another 14 lbs. off (alli makes you set 5% goals, which is a good thing as it keeps you from getting carried away). Another 14 off will be 277 and I will be close to having lost 20% of my original weight.
But for now I'm content with this number. I'm also 5 lbs. away from extending my ticker. When I started this journey, I thought I'd be at this level in August.
It's not even June yet.
Watch out, world.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
16 years ago today.
Still feel the same way.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
For my cousin, K___, who went to Vietnam.
For my father, and my father-in-law, who guarded the home front during the Korean conflict.
For my uncle, A___, who guarded the Panama Canal during WWII.
For all of the others I did not and do not know, thank you for your service and sacrifice.
Friday, May 23, 2008
I learned yesterday that I didn't get my original #1 choice. And I had a dream about that last night, I guess it was the last vestige of subconscious kicking it to the curb (I was in a play but the lines were different depending on something that I had no control over, and of course I was saying the wrong lines. Go chew on that, Sigmund Freud).
And, you know, I don't care. While it would have been a very, very nice job, I'm also really troubled at how I (and probably the other people who didn't get it) was treated once the interviewing process was over. As in, no one bothered to actually say anything to me and already they were going to second interviews and whatnot. It took a month from interview to rejection and I ended up calling them a good five times before I got a response. Delays are one thing, but they had told me that they expected to know something in a week. If there was going to be a delay, I dunno, COURTESY, would have dictated at least saying boo about that.
Instead, I had to essentially hound them to get a definitive response, and I hate being put into that sort of a position. The shoe can sometimes get on the other foot, but I think a jobseeker being more vague is more to be expected. Not that it's fantastically right, but I think it's a given that a jobseeker such as myself would occasionally string an employer along a little in order to gain some negotiating leverage with another company. But I never do that for more than maybe two weeks and when the time comes to make a decision I do cut them loose (if that's what I'm going to do). Heck, the first offer I got, I tried to turn them down and they kept throwing cash at me.
Anyway, I've mourned and now it's time to move on. Why was it such a siren song of a job? Well, its upsides were an amazing commute, incredible benefits and a good salary (although I've been offered more at other places, actually). Plus the work looked interesting and it was the kind of position where I could network extremely effectively and make good future contacts for myself.
There are plenty of other places out there, just like that.
They ain't all that.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Patience. It's the right thing to do. It's a virtue. It's ... not so easy to come by.
And I think I've figured out, specifically, why patience is becoming so difficult for me to come by these days. There are four main reasons.
1) I have to be patient with my job search. When I've just taken the first thing, I've ended up either with a lousy job or with one that could have been improved if I had stuck to my guns a bit better and maybe negotiated more bucks or vacation or whatever. Technically, I've been laid off for only about 3 weeks but I have been looking for close to 2 months, plus with all of the phone calling, emailing, meeting and interviewing, it feels a lot closer to 6 months' worth of effort. It feels as if I should be there already.
About the only thing I can do about that is what I have been doing -- look for work diligently and carefully, matching myself to the closest and best matches possible. No sense in sending out 1,000 resumes unless they are for jobs I want, but also no sense in not doing anything. Of course I have to do something -- it's required for you to get Unemployment -- but there's a difference between going through the motions of looking and actually looking. No motions here, and that's how I've been doing it all along so I'm set in that area.
2) I have to be patient with my ill relative's treatment. It will take months and while of course I want it all done yesterday (and I'm sure my relative does as well), the disease does not know from timetables, nor does it -- or should it -- care. Nothing I can do but hang in there and think happy thoughts. To me that is a lot like praying. I do pray but I consider it to mainly be very formal, you go to synagogue, you speak or sing in Hebrew, it's all very stylized. An acual conversation or a wish or a hope is much, much less formal and I've definitely been doing those things. Hard to feel helpless in that area but that's exactly the case. The only thing I can change, really, is how I feel about it. I take my cue from my relative, who is optimistic, so I work on that.
3) I have to be patient with the weather. It's 5/22. It should be consistently in the 70s during the day. It's after 10:30 AM and it is currently 52. It's not supposed to get above 61 today. What's up with that? I'm sick of it but so is everyone else (and no, we won't move; we love it here despite the chill). I am also tired of it because I remain stuck with my Winter clothes, which are bigger anyway.
4) This also leads up to having to be patient with size loss. As I had mentioned yesterday, I'm only down one size yet the scale says I've dropped 50 lbs. That's ludicrous but it's reality. I keep waiting for the day when the bottom (heh, literally) begins to drop out of everything. So far, not yet. I can measure my progress not only by the scale but also by my fitness level. Despite today feeling a bit of tenderness in the quads (I'll do leg lifts as an alternative to squats as I think my knees are not happy right now) I am generally in far better shape than I've been in years. I can walk much farther and faster (and uphill!). I can lift. I can stretch. I know I'm doing stuff. It would, though, be a kick to be able to dump the biggest clothes already. Hand me a chainsaw, I need to take a few inches off my hips.
It all stems, the real root of it, is a lack of control. I can't make employers call me, or make them love me (despite my best efforts). I can't suddenly become a doctor and cure my relative. I can't move the clouds to improve the weather. About the only thing I can do is work to lose weight, although I also know that working out harder means that more than my quads would be barking, and cutting calories is really a bad idea when you consider how low I am in caloric intake anyway. Any lower and I'll hit starvation mode. So I can't do that, either.
It's a soldier's right to complain. I'll take that as mine, too. I will look back on this, eventually, I know, and shake my head at my frustrations. But not yet. Right now, I shake my fist and bellow to the unforgiving (and cold! Argh!) sky.
Calgon, take me away ... :)
Get An Email Alert Each Time JESPAH Posts