Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Okay, I admit it. I love sugar. I live for Friday night date night, because my treats are all sugary goodness-chocolate bars, jube jubes, the occasional pop (usually Fresca, which is actually sugar free, but still a sweet treat).
I love sugar so much, I signed up for the Tame Your Sweet Tooth Challenge with the knowledge that it was going to be a really tough trek for me. Turns out I was so worried about the time in the challenge when I'm asked to give up sugar (or reduce it), I actually avoided SP for a week!
Yes, I purposely didn't even come in and track my food AT ALL, or check in with my support thread friends for a week, because I feared giving up my candy.
Okay. So, I know addictions come in all forms. My dad is an overeater from way, way back. My mum is a recovering alcoholic. My sister is a currently dry/straight alcoholic/addict. I grew up surrounded by people who were addicted. Is it any surprise then, that I've found my own crutch? Just the fact that I've chosen chocolate and soft jelly candies does not absolve me of my addictive behaviors- eating these treats secretly, trying to "get away with" having a serving or two (or 3, 5, ah, who's counting anyway) without anyone noticing. Feeling protective of my behaviour, not wanting others to know, or comment. Feeling that somehow eating a chocolate bar is going to make "everything better", and when it doesn't, occasionally turning to more sugar for solace. Yeah, "Huston, we have a problem!"
Today I'm feeling better. This is only the first week, so I only have to keep track of my sugar intake, when and how much. Be observant of when I want sugar. I'm not into the denial phase yet. I'm allowed to eat it, if I want. It's my choice.
Just knowing that I'm facing the truth of my behaviours makes me feel stronger and more able to work on being healthier in my choices.
Wish me luck!
Day 1: (Sunday, Oct 13)- I was making a HUGE Thanksgiving dinner, so I snacked on LOTS of jube jubes around the time I should have eaten lunch
Day 2: (Monday, Oct. 14)- I did better today, healthy breakfast, although I had LOTS of coffee, which I always add sugar to. Otherwise, I managed to eat well, until supper. Left overs from previous dinner included a slice of pumpkin pie. Sweet goodness!
Day 3: (Tuesday, Oct. 15)- Well, I'm only part way through the day. I did have a coffee again today, with sugar. Just one cup though, which is an improvement.
I'm already thinking about pumpkin pie for dessert. Maybe I should freeze a few single servings, to have on Friday for datenight treats.
I like this being aware thing, it's very helpful.
I know that part of my reliance on sugar comes from being an emotional eater. I think I'd rather be an emotional speaker, or exerciser, or tidy'er (I bet DH wouldn't complain about that either!). There are lots of other ways to deal with emotions. I need to get some healthier plans in place.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Yes, even I am a bit of a shoe collector. My husband tries to discourage this, by asking me to buy practical walking/hiking shoes, but really, all I want is something tall and flashy to off-set my boring dress pants and plain top I wear most of the week.
Today though, is Friday, and Friday in my office is "casual" day. Well, I don't have to wear dress pants day, anyway. So on Friday's in the spring/summer I usually try to get some wear out of my dresses and skirts, since I hardly wear them otherwise. What can go better with a dress or skirt than a cute, flashy pair of shoes, you ask? NOTHING, I say!!!
So today I wore a new pair of shoes to work. they are TALL. Like, as in about 5" tall. And they are a challenge to walk in, compared to runners, or slight healed shoes/boots.
There's a good life lesson in learning to walk in tall wedge shoes, and for those of you not willing to risk your ankles (let alone your necks), I'll give you the run-down on the life lessons imparted by my shoes today:
1. Always engage your core muscles. It makes for better posture and a better centre of gravity.
2. BABY STEPS. It may take longer to get there, but you will get there, and most likely without doing major damage along the way.
3. The road you walk may be bumpy and rough. There'll be cracks and crevices just waiting to trip you up. These are opportunities to slow down., re-centre yourself. Get your balance and move along at a slower pace. Look for other routes to take. If you can't take another route, just do your best to navigate through the one you are on, with the goal of getting through in one piece.
Amazing little life lessons from a pair of shoes. Who'd have thought it?
Friday, March 01, 2013
I bet you've been wondering where I've been. I didn't drop off the planet, or have a terrible accident or anything.
I actually had a weird epiphany while reading a book that was just supposed to be an "entertainment brain candy" type light read.
It's really annoying when I'm just trying to read to be entertained, and I end up having to do self reflection and self exploration. Damn it. I don't want to be having to grow and deal with stuff!!
Okay, well, maybe I DO want to grow and learn about myself, and be more self-aware, but damn it! I just wanted to read a book for heaven's sake!!
Okay, so here it is. I was reading this book "Mrs. Perfect" which is pretty much what the title implies, the heroine is a very well off, busy house-wife who has 3 kids, a very busy successful husband, a nanny, big house, nice car, boat... all the trappings of money. Of course, it wouldn't be much of a story if she didn't struggle, so a little way into the book you learn that her life isn't as perfect as it looks. She came from a poorer home, she was ashamed of her history and her family, to the point where she changed her name and created a "better" past for herself.
She is also recovering from bulimia. Yep, she has an eating disorder that she has to face head-on, and struggle with as life starts to get tough, and she has to learn new coping mechanisms.
And then BAM-there it is-she's laying in bed, trying to talk herself out of a binge and purge and she reflects on why she's so mean to herself.
And it hit me. I'm really mean to myself. If I don't make good food choices or if I don't go to the gym or for a run, I'm cruel to myself in ways I'd never be to anyone else.
If someone told me "Oh, I didn't go to the gym" I'd never say "you are so lazy" or "you're never going to get fit that way!". If someone decided to have a chocolate brownie for dessert I'd be embarrassed to say "you know you shouldn't be eating that" or "you're just sabatoguing yourself" "you're such a quitter".
When someone is about to get on the scale, would I pop my head into the bathroom and say "you know you're going to see a gain today. You didn't do your planned exercise and you ate poorly on (whatever day/s it was). Now you're going to pay for your slack-assedness. You'll see"? No, I definitely would not.
So why do I say these things to myself? And I do. I say them often. I even look at myself in the mirror, and say them right to my face. How unacceptable is that???
So, I've been spending the last couple of weeks trying to be more positive and kind to myself. Not in a "you do whatever you want, and it'll all work out in the end" kind of way, but just in a respectful "you have a right, and an OBLIGATION to recognize your need for rest. If you don't work out today it's not the end of the world." kind of way.
Part of that was just stepping away from tracking every bite and every bit of exercise. I needed to be away from the pressure I put on myself for a little while.
I'm sorry I wasn't here. I hope you are doing well in your health efforts, I hope you are being kind and respectful to yourself. I'm working on it at my end. :)
Friday, February 08, 2013
Today I read the Spark article www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivat
ion_articles.asp?id=1062 and it was just what I needed.
Yes, I have been struggling with my motivation the past 2 weeks. Dedication to exercise and mindful eating have slipped down the priority scale to near the bottom.
I've skipped days of planned exercise. I've not tracked my meals, or I've not been mindful of my caloric limits.
Does this mean I should just quit? Should I donate my running shoes that I've finally broken in how I like them (even with my baby toe sticking out the side on each ) Should I throw out my exercise clothes and just reconcile myself to buying a bigger wardrobe?
Perhaps I should just stop being particular about planning my weekly meals, stop exploring new recipes.
Ah, no, says SP. They say I just need to pick myself up, and start to focus again. Pick something and focus on that until I've got it, and then pick something else.
Okay. If you insist, I will refocus my energy. I know I can do this, I just tend to let my slack-self take over if I miss one wo or eat one meal that wasn't as healthy as it could have been.
So, back to work for me.
Don't give up, just start over.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Well, hello there!
I did say, way way back at the beginning that this may not be a very consistent blog, so I don't think you can truly get annoyed that I haven't said anything in a while.
So, where have I been for the past week and a bit? Well, last Mon-Wed I was SICK. SICK SICK SICK. So, I was drinking ginger tea and sleeping, and not doing much else.
Then, I felt minutely better on Thursday, which was just as well, because I had to go out of town overnight for work, doing inspections in a nearby community.
I have to say, going out of town is less fun when you aren't feeling top notch, but I did get a luxurious king- size room (upgraded) with a TV, so I enjoyed just laying around and zoning out for the evening anyway.
I got home Friday night, and DH and I went to a live comedy show, which was AWESOME. I'm so glad I have made a commitment to do new/different things this year. We laughed for 2.5 hrs straight.
Saturday and Sunday I recouped on the couch, reading and napping.
Monday was back to work, and lots of inspections, which have kept me busy til late in the afternoon each day.
Now that I'm back to tracking and being active I'm already trying to decide what my next "adventure" should be. I'm thinking of renting a car for the day so we can go to Sun Peaks and do some snow-shoeing, then have a snack/supper before coming home. Now to just get DH into the mindset to participate...good thing I'm patient.
Looking forward to datenight, starting in about 15 minutes! YAY!!
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