Friday, January 31, 2014
"...tell yourself the problem is in the situation, not you"
I have felt little trapped since Christmas. I can't drive because of my MD so I rely mostly on my mom for day to day driving for errands or whatnot. For about a year I was seeing a therapist until she moved, not far away. My mom doesn't deal well with change so I had to have a little break from seeing my therapist till my mom got comfortable with the idea of driving somewhere else. Then my grandma fell and broke her hip so my mom, being the main caregiver, has to assume most of the responsibility, so seeing my therapist has been put on the back burner. Luckily, my therapist has agreed to phone calls for our sessions so at least I have something.
I have chronic depression which means it comes back if I don't keep it at bay if I don't work at it.
So that brings me to why I'm writing here, because I need an outlet beside the phone to air things out.
As I mentioned things haven't been the same since Christmas, that's when my gram broke her hip. Because my mom is the sole caregiver she assumes most of the responsibility. But she has a sister who lives with my gram. And my aunt, God bless her, is not the responsible type. but my mom thinks its okay to give her tasks my aunt can't do so easily. I think its because she is just her sister, that's why.
Night after night I get to hear what's wrong in gramma's world and how my aunt was suppose to do that but this needs to get done now. And for some reason I feel it's okay to put my two cents in to the conversation night after night. And, if you've had any type of depression you know that's a bad way to think, talk, etc. So I need to stop ASAP.
"...tell yourself the problem is in the situation, not you". I just read the article "3 ways negative thinking is sabotaging your efforts" or something like that; And point 2 or 3 is the most prominent one I picked up on because it says it's not going to feel natural. Instead of thinking, "well I already said this much, how much more will hurt?" Just do yourself a favor and stop talking. Yes it's going to feel uncomfortable to not put your two cents in but your going to feel so much better you didn't say this or that and ruin the evening.
I'm no where perfect. This chronic depression is no joke, it's always a work in progress toward that light at the end of the tunnel.