JENNYLYNN45   38,486
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Where's the Balance?

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Well, I don't know where to start. I haven't exercised in weeks. Haven't been to the gym. I'm still consuming large portions.

I was joking to my friend Christy the other day, while we were watching babies in the nursery.
I told her, "Since getting involved with Spark, I've GAINED weight!"

Inside, .......I'm not laughing.

When I try to asses things, my head sometimes starts spinning. What's different? Hmmm...let's see.

I've started home schooling. Not sure how that could affect my efforts, except, during that time is when I would try to go to the gym.

I've started cooking more. Yup. Cooking more meals as opposed to telling the kids to make some eggs or sandwiches. Mmmm...I FINALLY learned how to make quesadias. I'd tried them for years, but couldn't get them right, and then yeah, ...lots of butter in the pan...lots of cheese. I made a casserole the other night. Haven't made a casserole in years! What a time to learn how to make THOSE fattening things!

I've been spending more time with the kids in general. Every time I think I'm getting to the gym, the kids need to go to the library, or a church activity.

What's silly is, I brought in the treadmill in from the garage to at least get ten minutes on it when I could, and all it's doing is collecting dust. It has been right in the middle of everything for a month, so, my daughter folded it up to the wall. If I don't use it soon, she'll probably put it back out in the garage.
For the record, I have all KINDS of equipment on hand; yoga ball, yoga matt, two punching bags, eight pound weights, jumping rope, a fading trampoline...all fading in the sun or collecting dust.

One of the biggest things that's different that is taking up my time is Spark. It's almost funny. I spend so much time out here posting, doing blogs, responding to blogs or posts, trying to show my support to others, and clicking around on the site, that I don't end up doing anything that I should.

How silly.

After all that, I wonder. How am I supposed to take care of my kids, AND myself. Where's the balance?
I know it's an ongoing question that every mother has, ...but really. Where is my balance? How am I supposed to do this. I get so tempted to just say.......
"Forget about it. I'll try this again when both the kids are moved out."
But then I come back to the thought that my health is depending on it. And, I've done this before. Got down to 158 two years ago.

I don't know. I'm real tired and I'm sure I'm not making much sense or wording this right. I hope I'm not coming across like I'm sarcastic, or complaining. You Spark People are awesome. I just need to know how to make this work. Maybe only cooking once a week?

Anyway, my platelet donation is on Monday, which means I'll weigh myself on Sunday. I'm not looking forward to the weigh-in. I'm pretty sure I've gained more weight. I'm hoping my blood pressure isn't up. That's what got my attention this time around.

Well, we'll see. I'm not giving up. I'll figure it out. I'll learn the necessary balance. Better sooner than later though.

Jennifer

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TENNISBARB 12/15/2009 2:01AM

    Hey Jenny Lynn, In many ways your post could have been mine too - different in some ways - but really struggling with putting things into action. I get where you are coming from.

I think by focussing on little changes - even that 10 mins on the treadmill. It's amazing how the mind rebalances when we start exercising. My treadmill time is reflect time ... and I finish more relaxed than when I started.

Glad you are here ... and thinking seriously about where you are and where you want to go ...I need to do the same.

Barb

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BESSHAILE 12/5/2009 6:42AM

    Just catching up with your blog posts - I hope you're feeling more grounded now. Switching to home schooling is a MAJOR change. Even if it is fun and interesting, it puts a tremendous load of responsibility onto your shoulders.

Here's an idea, though - why not do some of your classes, especially the ones involving memorization, while walking with your children -or even dancing. The rhythm of movement acts as a mnemonic device to help them remember better - things like multiplication tables and spelling lessons.

hope you all have the best holiday

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NANCYCA555 11/8/2009 3:56AM

    Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you've got. Any number of things could be holding you back right now. When you're ready, you'll be ready. Hang in there and try not to be too hard on yourself. I'll just leave you with this one thing that crossed my mind yesterday. If it helps, great; if it's lame, sorry.

"Just take the first step and you're 90% of the way there."

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JUNIEKITTY 11/5/2009 3:10AM

    I think cooking can be really tricky. A lot of us are here because we really like food (more than we should) and for those of us who cook, it can be daunting because we KNOW food tastes better when it's loaded in butter, cheese, etc. This has been a big struggle for me too, and I have found one thing that helps immensely, and that is planning in advance. On Saturday morning, after breakfast, so I'm not hungry, I write down what all of the dinners are going to be for the week, so that on any given evening, I never have to think about what I'm going to make.

I often find that when I have to decide-what-I'm-going-to-make-for-d
inner-right- now-and-it-has-to-be-on-the-table-i
n-20-minutes is when I'm the most likely to throw together something that's really unhealthy.

That said...I also don't have children, so you're dealing with time and availability issues that I'm sure I can't even begin to comprehend. In any case, best of luck. I hope you find the balance that you're seeking in your life and the accompanying peace of mind.

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Disappointed

Friday, October 23, 2009

Yesterday I had the day off. Well, I did an overnight on Wednesday, and got home by 9AM. I did school with the kids. Clicked around on the computer. Dropped my daughter off at work. Did some errands. Did nothing around the house. Well, folded some laundry, organized my desk a bit.

I remember thinking and planning this week. I remember looking at my schedule, and thinking, "Praise the Lord! I'll have time finally to do school with the kids, and, go to the Y in the evening!"

Didn't happen.

What DID happen is this. I asked my daughter to make dinner when I got her back home. I had thawed the hamburger, and asked her to make spaghetti. So, she did. I was good. REAL good. I had fresh Romano cheese in the frig, and grated it on top, right onto my plate. I was so good, that, without thinking twice, I got another helping, bigger than the first.

The gym bag was packed, ready to go.

But I felt bloated.

Too bloated to go.

So, my kids, when dinner was done asked "Are we going to the gym?"
I told them my stomach needed to settle. So, I figured we would watch a least part of a Netflix movie, and then go once I didn't feel so bloated.
But I knew. We would be watching the whole movie.

I thought, "Why did I do THAT?! I'll start a 30 hour shift on Friday, and not have any time to go to the Y until Monday, maybe!"

Now, if someone is reading this, they might think, 'Big fat hairy deal'. Just start over again.
Maybe.
But I'm disappointed in myself. I knew better. Know better. I joined the Mindful Eating team to try to learn to think about what I'm putting in my mouth.

But other thoughts go through my head like,...
"I'm home, not at work for the evening, we should have dinner together."and..
"The kids are teenagers, soon, before I can blink, they'll be out the door, and we won't have these evenings around a meal anymore."

Well, it's Friday. I don't leave for my 30 hour shift until 3:30.

The gym bag is still packed...but....

The kids have tests and quizzes. I need to start my daughter on the computer keyboard lessons. We need to get to the library to get books for book reports. And...my son wants me to help him dress like a 'Nerd' for the harvest festival tonight. My friend Sharon, God bless her will pick my kids up.

The gym bag is packed...ready to go. I still have to pack some healthy food in my cooler to take for this shift, but...
What if I put off the library until Monday? Do the morning school, help my son PICK OUT the 'Nerd' outfit...drop my daughter off at work...then..............

Go to the gym from there? ...Then...on to work ...for 30 hours.

Longer time away from the kids.

I'm not completely comfortable with it.

They need the gym too...but...I KNOW I would feel better altogether after going.

I don't know. I'll have to pray about it.
Quick, though,...lol...yyeah...I quick conversation with God..cause....I gotta get the kids up and have them eat breakfast, and get started on the lessons. Make sure that they know what to do while I'm gone.

Anyway...I'm glad I can vent out here.

Thanks, Spark People! emoticon

Jennifer

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCYCA555 10/24/2009 2:05PM

    It is SO hard to juggle work, kids, AND healthy living. Sometimes it feels as if motherhood = guilt, and there's never enough we can do for our kids. It's really good that you're being honest with yourself about your experiences of not eating as healthfully as you'd like and how it can get in the way of other important things like working out. You are a obviously a good mom and want to do the best for your children. If that is a big motivator for you, then maybe you can use that to remind yourself that by spending time in the gym and taking the time to be healthy, that you will be a happier, more energetic mother for them, and that you will be setting an example that will be with them for the rest of their lives.

Comment edited on: 10/24/2009 2:05:41 PM

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DASEEMAN 10/23/2009 7:06PM

    None of us are perfect! So quit kicking yourself. Look at the bright side. You spent time with your kids watching a movie, what a bad mom you are! LOL. Yes exercise is good but I think you kids are going to remember that you spent time with them no matter what you are doing. The others that posted had some good ideas, work in the exercise when you are working around the house doing what you normally do. The 10 minutes exercises are a great idea too! Hang in there! Never stop trying and all will be well.

emoticon

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DNISEY 10/23/2009 1:24PM

    I know how it can be when everything gets you going then when it's time to do something you know you need to do it comes down to possibly making a choice.

Well, try this next time. Do something around the house. Depending on how old your kids are you can get or go online for spark people youtube and do some 10 minute exercises they have. I have some dumbells and even cleaning could be your workout depending on how you do it. Stretching while vacuuming, calf raises while washing dishes, etc... You know where I'm going.

But first of all don't beat yourself up and keep going.

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ROBERT9051 10/23/2009 10:29AM

    DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS YOU DID NOT DO, JUST FOCUS ON THINGS AHEAD OF YOU, IT WILL ALL WORKOUT AT THE END.

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ROBINSON_CMR 10/23/2009 10:27AM

    I think you're doing the right thing. Kids are important. It's important that you show them you're there for them and that you love them, even when you can't be around. Making exercise part of your routine is also important, but I keep hearing exercise is only 20% of weight loss success. So, chin up - watch what you're eating and you'll be fine. When you have more time available, work it in. Don't get down on yourself...you're only human too.

Comment edited on: 10/23/2009 10:57:21 AM

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Yesterdays Donation....

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Well, I went to do my platelet donation yesterday, and it went well. The donation itself, that is. In the past, it was always hard to find a vein, so I'd be poked a few times. One time, after poking both arms, with no success, I was sent home with a T-shirt and a "Thank you for trying". After that, I would sometimes get nervous before the donation, and practically have the plebotemists all crossing their fingers as they would try to find a vein, and then, (lol) it seems there would be a sigh of relief when the flow would start. And yea, I would too, sigh with relief. Well, it was a 'one poke wonder' yesterday. Praise the lord!

What I'm not crazy about is my BP. It was 134 over 93. Not bad enough to get me deferred, but enough to get my attention. Last month, I don't know what the diastolic was, but the systolic was 136. According to a print out that I got from a link here at Spark, the systolic is still 'medium high' and the diastolic ..is high.
I need to get serious. Maybe I'm over reacting...but, I don't want to be on any medication. That's one of my life goals. In caregiving I see people dependant on their meds, and I see the side affects. I want to be like my Dad. He's seventy-two, and no meds. In my business, the disabled 20-50 somethings are dependent on their meds, and their elderly parents too.
I don't want to be like that.
I want a vibrant, active life. I want to run and play with my future grandchildren.

It's okay. It'll happen. Aside from other changes that I made, I'll examine more closely what I've been having for dinner with the kids.

Anyway...to finish what happened at the donation yesterday...check it out....

My daughter, Esprit, donated for the first time! I'm so proud of her! She's been wanting to donate for a long time. It makes me feel good that she would want to. She's seen me do it for years, and it makes me feel so good that she would want to also.
That silly goose though, she drank water like I told her, for the veins, but...she didn't eat breakfast!
There I was, on the other side of the room, and I could only watch, as I was stuck there, (for an hour and a half) with the needle in my arm. The technicians were handling it, but, naturally, as mom, I was concerned.
Because she didn't eat breakfast, she had passed out!!! In the chair!
They were calling to her and wiggling her feet, and when she came to, they wouldn't let her get up till they took her BP a couple of times, and drank and ate something.
I scolded her afterward. She eats, but ..sometimes breakfast gets in the way of getting her hair and makeup done. Did I mention she's seventeen?
Anyway, hers was a 'whole blood' donation, so, she can't donate again until December. And I won't allow it next time unless I SEE her eat breakfast beforehand.
Another thing...apparantly my platelet count was 371...which is REAL good. So good, that, they asked me to stay longer next time to get more, and be able to help three people! That felt good.

Well, I was thinking. I've only recently started getting really involved out here in Spark, but...I noticed people can start teams.

I was thinking of starting a blood donors team. I know there's other 'Heros' out there. And that's what I would call it maybe...
"Blood Donors, Heros" team.

Yea, maybe not today, but definitely!

Well, I have to go. I have tests and quizzes to give.

Later all.

Jennifer

  


Today's Weight...212..Huh? Not getting me down!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Well, tomorrow I have my platelet donation, so, I went to the mall to weigh myself. I popped in the fifty cents, and ......212 pounds! I've gained a pound! Not that I should be surprised, because I did one too many trips through the drive throughs for 'convenient' fast food. The funny thing is, the reason I'm a little surprised, is because I don't FEEL heavier. I don't feel any pressure on my sling like I had, and, (lol) the jeans I had on felt more loose! A month ago the same jeans felt like they were cutting into me!
I give myself some real credit here though, because, I had to laugh! It must have been an act of God, because normally I would get REAL down with news like that. I would get discouraged, be grumpy, feel like giving up, probly grab a box of Little Debbie's.

But, I didn't. I could only laugh to myself as I finished doing the other errands.

That felt good.

I have some new game plans as I go through this.

1.No peanut butter sandwiches.
One breakfast was nearly 700 calories because I had 3 pieces of bread with peanut butter.
It was convenient. And a comfort food.
I used to make peanut butter with peanuts in my food processor. At least it was natural. But no more.

2.No rice. It makes me bloat. Even brown rice.

3.No bean dip with tortilla chips, unless I can find a low calorie version.

4. I've decided to reset my goal weight to 160. My thinking is, I'll lose the weight in stages. I'll first focus on getting down below the obesity level. I became obese at 165. From there, I'll asses what I need to do to get to 140. When I get to 140, I'll see what I can do about getting, if possible, down to 125.

5.Make lunches for work for the week on Sunday or Monday nights. This is so I'm not stressed out trying to make lunch or dinner to take with me the morning of work. And I do get hurried and stressed sometimes with it. Healthy eating takes preparation, and time.

6.Get to the Y more. I have a new schedule, and I'm doing home school now, but I'll work around it. Plan on a calendar when to go, do stuff around the house, and...take the kids to the beach.

I love the beach. It's my most favorite place in the world.

I'm comfortable with these changes. I'll adjust accordingly as needed. But these feel good for now.

Anyway, I have my Platelet donation tomorrow. With this little gain I wonder what my blood pressure will be. It was 136 at the last donation. That's why I decided to get more involved with Spark, and take more action in my weight loss. No matter what, I intend that my monthly platelet donations will be my marker, my goal.
I'll weigh myself the night before etch donation, and then hopefully look forward to my BP going back down below 120.

I feel confident. I can do this.

Well, my daughter needs the computer. She sang really well in church with her friends last night. She recorded it, and downloaded it on to her Facebook account. She's getting some good feedback.

I need to go drink some water for the donation tomorrow. And I need to make lunch and dinner for work afterward.

Till next time,

Jennifer

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DNISEY 10/20/2009 12:34AM

    Hi, I happened on your blog and seen what you have down. 1 lb. increase. that could have been water weight. You did say you went through the drive thru? Or even muscle gain you did say your clothes fit the same or loose?

Bread: it's not all about calories but what they represent. There are some low cal breads out there that all good and healthy.

Peanut butter: in weight loss we need protein. as women we need protein. Maybe it's the brand that can change OR when you eat it. Do you plan you meals for the day?

It seems you are going great keep it up...

Sincerely,

Deni
se

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The Next Donation..

Monday, October 12, 2009

Well, I'm feeling better today. As I expected, being in church made me feel better. I don't feel down today. I feel pretty positive. It's going to be busy. I have lots to do...spending six hours with a client...making payments on bills...the library...etc. I packed a semi-healthy lunch; spinach wrapped in ham and chips in salsa. There's a case of water in my trunk. I hope to have some success before my platelet donation in two weeks. I'll weigh myself the Monday night before the donation, and then...I'm hoping that my BP will be down...below 120... The last time it was 136! In this mindful eating challenge...That's what I want to be focused on...getting my BP down before the next donation.

  


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