Thursday, November 05, 2009
Well, I don't know where to start. I haven't exercised in weeks. Haven't been to the gym. I'm still consuming large portions.
I was joking to my friend Christy the other day, while we were watching babies in the nursery.
I told her, "Since getting involved with Spark, I've GAINED weight!"
Inside, .......I'm not laughing.
When I try to asses things, my head sometimes starts spinning. What's different? Hmmm...let's see.
I've started home schooling. Not sure how that could affect my efforts, except, during that time is when I would try to go to the gym.
I've started cooking more. Yup. Cooking more meals as opposed to telling the kids to make some eggs or sandwiches. Mmmm...I FINALLY learned how to make quesadias. I'd tried them for years, but couldn't get them right, and then yeah, ...lots of butter in the pan...lots of cheese. I made a casserole the other night. Haven't made a casserole in years! What a time to learn how to make THOSE fattening things!
I've been spending more time with the kids in general. Every time I think I'm getting to the gym, the kids need to go to the library, or a church activity.
What's silly is, I brought in the treadmill in from the garage to at least get ten minutes on it when I could, and all it's doing is collecting dust. It has been right in the middle of everything for a month, so, my daughter folded it up to the wall. If I don't use it soon, she'll probably put it back out in the garage.
For the record, I have all KINDS of equipment on hand; yoga ball, yoga matt, two punching bags, eight pound weights, jumping rope, a fading trampoline...all fading in the sun or collecting dust.
One of the biggest things that's different that is taking up my time is Spark. It's almost funny. I spend so much time out here posting, doing blogs, responding to blogs or posts, trying to show my support to others, and clicking around on the site, that I don't end up doing anything that I should.
After all that, I wonder. How am I supposed to take care of my kids, AND myself. Where's the balance?
I know it's an ongoing question that every mother has, ...but really. Where is my balance? How am I supposed to do this. I get so tempted to just say.......
"Forget about it. I'll try this again when both the kids are moved out."
But then I come back to the thought that my health is depending on it. And, I've done this before. Got down to 158 two years ago.
I don't know. I'm real tired and I'm sure I'm not making much sense or wording this right. I hope I'm not coming across like I'm sarcastic, or complaining. You Spark People are awesome. I just need to know how to make this work. Maybe only cooking once a week?
Anyway, my platelet donation is on Monday, which means I'll weigh myself on Sunday. I'm not looking forward to the weigh-in. I'm pretty sure I've gained more weight. I'm hoping my blood pressure isn't up. That's what got my attention this time around.
Well, we'll see. I'm not giving up. I'll figure it out. I'll learn the necessary balance. Better sooner than later though.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Yesterday I had the day off. Well, I did an overnight on Wednesday, and got home by 9AM. I did school with the kids. Clicked around on the computer. Dropped my daughter off at work. Did some errands. Did nothing around the house. Well, folded some laundry, organized my desk a bit.
I remember thinking and planning this week. I remember looking at my schedule, and thinking, "Praise the Lord! I'll have time finally to do school with the kids, and, go to the Y in the evening!"
What DID happen is this. I asked my daughter to make dinner when I got her back home. I had thawed the hamburger, and asked her to make spaghetti. So, she did. I was good. REAL good. I had fresh Romano cheese in the frig, and grated it on top, right onto my plate. I was so good, that, without thinking twice, I got another helping, bigger than the first.
The gym bag was packed, ready to go.
But I felt bloated.
Too bloated to go.
So, my kids, when dinner was done asked "Are we going to the gym?"
I told them my stomach needed to settle. So, I figured we would watch a least part of a Netflix movie, and then go once I didn't feel so bloated.
But I knew. We would be watching the whole movie.
I thought, "Why did I do THAT?! I'll start a 30 hour shift on Friday, and not have any time to go to the Y until Monday, maybe!"
Now, if someone is reading this, they might think, 'Big fat hairy deal'. Just start over again.
But I'm disappointed in myself. I knew better. Know better. I joined the Mindful Eating team to try to learn to think about what I'm putting in my mouth.
But other thoughts go through my head like,...
"I'm home, not at work for the evening, we should have dinner together."and..
"The kids are teenagers, soon, before I can blink, they'll be out the door, and we won't have these evenings around a meal anymore."
Well, it's Friday. I don't leave for my 30 hour shift until 3:30.
The gym bag is still packed...but....
The kids have tests and quizzes. I need to start my daughter on the computer keyboard lessons. We need to get to the library to get books for book reports. And...my son wants me to help him dress like a 'Nerd' for the harvest festival tonight. My friend Sharon, God bless her will pick my kids up.
The gym bag is packed...ready to go. I still have to pack some healthy food in my cooler to take for this shift, but...
What if I put off the library until Monday? Do the morning school, help my son PICK OUT the 'Nerd' outfit...drop my daughter off at work...then..............
Go to the gym from there? ...Then...on to work ...for 30 hours.
Longer time away from the kids.
I'm not completely comfortable with it.
They need the gym too...but...I KNOW I would feel better altogether after going.
I don't know. I'll have to pray about it.
Quick, though,...lol...yyeah...I quick conversation with God..cause....I gotta get the kids up and have them eat breakfast, and get started on the lessons. Make sure that they know what to do while I'm gone.
Anyway...I'm glad I can vent out here.
Thanks, Spark People!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Well, I went to do my platelet donation yesterday, and it went well. The donation itself, that is. In the past, it was always hard to find a vein, so I'd be poked a few times. One time, after poking both arms, with no success, I was sent home with a T-shirt and a "Thank you for trying". After that, I would sometimes get nervous before the donation, and practically have the plebotemists all crossing their fingers as they would try to find a vein, and then, (lol) it seems there would be a sigh of relief when the flow would start. And yea, I would too, sigh with relief. Well, it was a 'one poke wonder' yesterday. Praise the lord!
What I'm not crazy about is my BP. It was 134 over 93. Not bad enough to get me deferred, but enough to get my attention. Last month, I don't know what the diastolic was, but the systolic was 136. According to a print out that I got from a link here at Spark, the systolic is still 'medium high' and the diastolic ..is high.
I need to get serious. Maybe I'm over reacting...but, I don't want to be on any medication. That's one of my life goals. In caregiving I see people dependant on their meds, and I see the side affects. I want to be like my Dad. He's seventy-two, and no meds. In my business, the disabled 20-50 somethings are dependent on their meds, and their elderly parents too.
I don't want to be like that.
I want a vibrant, active life. I want to run and play with my future grandchildren.
It's okay. It'll happen. Aside from other changes that I made, I'll examine more closely what I've been having for dinner with the kids.
Anyway...to finish what happened at the donation yesterday...check it out....
My daughter, Esprit, donated for the first time! I'm so proud of her! She's been wanting to donate for a long time. It makes me feel good that she would want to. She's seen me do it for years, and it makes me feel so good that she would want to also.
That silly goose though, she drank water like I told her, for the veins, but...she didn't eat breakfast!
There I was, on the other side of the room, and I could only watch, as I was stuck there, (for an hour and a half) with the needle in my arm. The technicians were handling it, but, naturally, as mom, I was concerned.
Because she didn't eat breakfast, she had passed out!!! In the chair!
They were calling to her and wiggling her feet, and when she came to, they wouldn't let her get up till they took her BP a couple of times, and drank and ate something.
I scolded her afterward. She eats, but ..sometimes breakfast gets in the way of getting her hair and makeup done. Did I mention she's seventeen?
Anyway, hers was a 'whole blood' donation, so, she can't donate again until December. And I won't allow it next time unless I SEE her eat breakfast beforehand.
Another thing...apparantly my platelet count was 371...which is REAL good. So good, that, they asked me to stay longer next time to get more, and be able to help three people! That felt good.
Well, I was thinking. I've only recently started getting really involved out here in Spark, but...I noticed people can start teams.
I was thinking of starting a blood donors team. I know there's other 'Heros' out there. And that's what I would call it maybe...
"Blood Donors, Heros" team.
Yea, maybe not today, but definitely!
Well, I have to go. I have tests and quizzes to give.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Well, tomorrow I have my platelet donation, so, I went to the mall to weigh myself. I popped in the fifty cents, and ......212 pounds! I've gained a pound! Not that I should be surprised, because I did one too many trips through the drive throughs for 'convenient' fast food. The funny thing is, the reason I'm a little surprised, is because I don't FEEL heavier. I don't feel any pressure on my sling like I had, and, (lol) the jeans I had on felt more loose! A month ago the same jeans felt like they were cutting into me!
I give myself some real credit here though, because, I had to laugh! It must have been an act of God, because normally I would get REAL down with news like that. I would get discouraged, be grumpy, feel like giving up, probly grab a box of Little Debbie's.
But, I didn't. I could only laugh to myself as I finished doing the other errands.
That felt good.
I have some new game plans as I go through this.
1.No peanut butter sandwiches.
One breakfast was nearly 700 calories because I had 3 pieces of bread with peanut butter.
It was convenient. And a comfort food.
I used to make peanut butter with peanuts in my food processor. At least it was natural. But no more.
2.No rice. It makes me bloat. Even brown rice.
3.No bean dip with tortilla chips, unless I can find a low calorie version.
4. I've decided to reset my goal weight to 160. My thinking is, I'll lose the weight in stages. I'll first focus on getting down below the obesity level. I became obese at 165. From there, I'll asses what I need to do to get to 140. When I get to 140, I'll see what I can do about getting, if possible, down to 125.
5.Make lunches for work for the week on Sunday or Monday nights. This is so I'm not stressed out trying to make lunch or dinner to take with me the morning of work. And I do get hurried and stressed sometimes with it. Healthy eating takes preparation, and time.
6.Get to the Y more. I have a new schedule, and I'm doing home school now, but I'll work around it. Plan on a calendar when to go, do stuff around the house, and...take the kids to the beach.
I love the beach. It's my most favorite place in the world.
I'm comfortable with these changes. I'll adjust accordingly as needed. But these feel good for now.
Anyway, I have my Platelet donation tomorrow. With this little gain I wonder what my blood pressure will be. It was 136 at the last donation. That's why I decided to get more involved with Spark, and take more action in my weight loss. No matter what, I intend that my monthly platelet donations will be my marker, my goal.
I'll weigh myself the night before etch donation, and then hopefully look forward to my BP going back down below 120.
I feel confident. I can do this.
Well, my daughter needs the computer. She sang really well in church with her friends last night. She recorded it, and downloaded it on to her Facebook account. She's getting some good feedback.
I need to go drink some water for the donation tomorrow. And I need to make lunch and dinner for work afterward.
Till next time,
Monday, October 12, 2009
Well, I'm feeling better today. As I expected, being in church made me feel better. I don't feel down today. I feel pretty positive. It's going to be busy. I have lots to do...spending six hours with a client...making payments on bills...the library...etc. I packed a semi-healthy lunch; spinach wrapped in ham and chips in salsa. There's a case of water in my trunk. I hope to have some success before my platelet donation in two weeks. I'll weigh myself the Monday night before the donation, and then...I'm hoping that my BP will be down...below 120... The last time it was 136! In this mindful eating challenge...That's what I want to be focused on...getting my BP down before the next donation.
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