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JENNYBIGSBY's Recent Blog Entries

College + snacks = 2.2 pounds

Monday, April 15, 2013

I've decided to switch to vlogging because it's a lot faster which is perfect considering I only have 10 minutes to spare.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STR458 4/16/2013 9:26AM

    neat bird! thanks for vlogging!! emoticon

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JOHGLO2011 4/15/2013 2:04PM

    Enjoyed your "vlog" . :) Maybe you could substitute a short 10 min. exercise for some of your snack breaks. :) Just an idea. Best of wishes to you!

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You decide who you are and how you feel and I feel thin and pretty

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Life is constantly moving, constantly evolving constantly being constant. Things can change at any moment and they do but they can also stand still for what seems like an eternity. Life is predictable but unpredictable. In this way life is great and worth living because even though you know the story, you're born-you live-you die, There's know way of knowing the in between. The good stuff. Even if you wake up every day and follow the exact same routine; same breakfast, same workout, same uniform, same car, same route, same dinner, same bedtime. You never know what could happen in between those gaps. Realizing that is exciting it makes me want to open more doors just to see whats behind them, maybe slam a few shut.

Up until this point I've been a shut in. I don't want to go on about how my mother didn't love me, and how I was rejected by everyone in any of my schools because I was fat ultimately taking me down a lonely dark twisty path. That's my past. That isn't who I am. That's no longer my story. I'm rewriting my own history. Re-choosing the memories and feelings that I want to define me, not what they chose not how they want to define me. If there's one thing I've learned on this weight loss journey it's that no one gets a say in who I am but me. I get to make these decisions. Do you know how freeing that is? It's amazing. It feels amazing.

Recently I've broken out of my shell. I started taking college classes online. I have 6-9+ hours of homework every single night. I've been taking these classes for 2weeks as of today and I feel empowered. I feel like I'm normal for once. I'm not the fat kid trying to squeeze into a desk or dressed in all black and trying to be scary so other kids won't see exactly how fat I am or have the guts to say anything mean to me. I feel like that normal girl that I've never gotten to be and confident. Very confident. This may seem small but the other day I made the first phone call I've made in a year, and it was easy. To explain, my shyness has gotten so bad over the past year, my confidence so low that is, that I haven't been able to make a phone call without shaking. And I know that sounds horrible and really lame but that was my life and to finally leave that behind me. Feels amazing.

I've learned a lot of things since I started my journey, Weigh and measure your food until until you can tell what a serving is, Calculate your calories every time you eat until you have them memorized-because we tend to eat the same foods on repeat so you won't have to calculate forever, Being healthy feels really good, Who you've been is not who you are, who your past has made you is not who you are, nothing is set in stone, and you are how you feel. Even though I weigh 254.0 pounds, I feel skinny and pretty and healthy. So that's how I'm going to act. I'm no longer that shut in afraid to go outside because there's a chance someone might make me feel bad. I'm no longer that person. And that... feels amazing.

emoticon Question for the readers emoticon

What have you learned on your weight loss journey good or bad, and how did it make you feel then vs. Now?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOHGLO2011 4/9/2013 9:46AM

    Wow - what a journey you have been on! So very glad you are breaking out of that old shell and becoming a new creature!! Your attitude is great and will take you far. Just keep talking positively and know that you aren't alone. I rely on the scripture that says "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me!"
Have a great day! emoticon

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SWIMLOVER 4/9/2013 8:52AM

  I love your positive attitude! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Now to answer your question. I have struggled with low self-esteem. However, GOD's Word says I am fearfully and wonderfully made! Weight no longer defines me.
I am still working on losing weight to get healthy but being over weight does not define me. I feel good about my weight loss journey and I will keep on pushing!

Thank You for your inspirational blog!


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A Fork in the road - I chose right... to go left

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Two days ago I posted a blog about my current struggle. My block. My tough decision. I realize to some the answer seemed very obvious. Do you want to get skinny? "Of course!" Do you want to be healthy? "Naturally!" But the question I needed to address was do you want to change who you are or how you think you are or everything you think you know about yourself? In my blog I described it as being a fork in the road. Asking "Do you take the path on the left which you know is better for you, that takes you through the seemingly dark forest that strips who you subconsciously think you are and makes you deal with all these tough things in your life that have lead up to this point changing you forever. or do you take the dirt road that leads you right back to where you began?" And today I can say I have the answer.

I'm choosing the path unknown. The scary thing. Like someone somewhere once said "To get what you've never had you have to do what you've never done." That's the best course for me to take. It's the course I want to take. Even tho it still seems a little overwhelming I need to realize that these things have to happen in order for me to get what I want and their not going to happen all at once so at least I'll be able to catch my breath for a short time in between the waves. Everything will be fine in the end and I'll thank myself later. So bring on the calorie counting and sweaty mornings, the running until I can't catch my breath, the yoga poses that I can't fully twist into because my tummy is in the way, and every single fork in the road I am going to come across from this point forward. Because even tho those forks in the road hit me like a brick wall and it takes me some time to lug my butt over the top I can take it and it'll take me as long as it takes me. But I can do it, and If I can do it - anyone can do it.

So I'm going to end this blog on a musical note. But first I have to make it known that I'm getting back on the wagon tomorrow! my goal? 13 pounds.

emoticon And now.... A song to go with the decision of this blog post emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECCAR6 3/24/2013 1:19PM


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LOOKINGUP2012 3/24/2013 12:34PM

    It can be a difficult journey changing the habits that brought us where we are. You are so right. We do know the goal we want to obtain. It is the path that looks difficult. One step at a time. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Fork in the road - Left or Right?

Friday, March 22, 2013

Ask any naturally slender or healthy person and their probably going to tell you something like "Step away from the cookies and get a grip." Like it's that easy. Like it's that simple. And... it may be... for them, when they want to lose 5 - 10 pounds for swim suit season. But it's a no-brainer that for us bigger girls, who have been over weight for most (if not all) of our lives, it's going to take a bit more than just stepping away from the cookies.

Losing weight is about changing habits, changing how you live your day to day life. At first the idea seems simple. Make small changes, count your calories, exercise. You'll lose weight. But soon after starting your journey you'll realize it's a little more complicated than calories in calories out. It's changing habits, changing things you've done your whole life, changing things that you subconsciously link to who you are. You know those mysterious "blocks" people hit when their trying to lose weight? That's a big one. Not the only one. But a big one.

So, what do you do when this happens? What do you do when you come up against this block that says "whoa! whoa! whoa! You can't do this! this is who you are! Everything you've ever been! Why do you want to change you? Why do you want to change everything about your self? This is WHO YOU ARE!" Well.. what do YOU do? This moment is horrifying. It's this HUGE fork in the road and you have to make this huge decision. Do you take the path on the left which you know is better for you, that takes you through the seemingly dark forest that strips who you subconsciously think you are and makes you deal with all these tough things in your life that have lead up to this point changing you forever. or do you take the dirt road that leads you right back to where you began?

I used to think that when people would say "God! Losing weight is so hard!" that the hardest part of losing weight was counting calories or exercising or not going over your calories. But now I realize it's more than that and I'm sure this isn't the hardest road block I will face on my journey. For now, I need to think about this.

emoticon A question for the readers: emoticon
--------------------- What Road blocks have you come across on your journey?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARGOMCP 3/22/2013 11:12AM

    Loved your "dark forest" image; reminded me of a fairy tale quote I like, "The adventure does not begin until you enter the forest". I try to remember that and other quotes I like and plunge ahead :-)

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KA_JUN 3/22/2013 10:23AM

    Great blog! As to your question, just beginning. I was able to rationalize a lot, and it took a very unflattering picture for me to really process how bad I had let it get.

It's a head game, we have to constantly attempt to outthink, outplay, and impose our wills, on ourselves.

Beating the negative self talk, rationalizations is a major part of achieving success and progress.


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DWROBERGE 3/22/2013 4:16AM

    Keep focused for success. You can do it. Go for it.

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ISTRALOUISE 3/22/2013 2:40AM

    I think for me the biggest thing right now is social pressure to eat in social situations. We had a party tonight and I didn't feel like putting out the effort to be different. I think I caved because I'm extra tired today. Still, I plan on reducing calories over the next two weeks to make up for what i over indulged in tonight.

People really care about me, and even though I'm super obese, they worry that I'm going to embark on some super unhealthy diet that is going to undermine me. I have really good support now, because I advocate for myself, SparkPeople, and what I'm doing, but I get tired of the opposition sometimes. I imagine once I'm closer to my goal weight I'll face the same things all over again with people who think I'm too thin or that my exercise is unreasonable.

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HEALTHY4UNI 3/22/2013 2:02AM

    Great for you for coming to such a profound realization! It is difficult to cut that old you out of your daily norm and replace it FOREVER!

For me it is doing it for the right reason and staying motivated even if no one else is in on the journey with me! Truthfully, I need to make these changes alone and regardless of what anyone else is doing, thinking or feeling about me! There are people who won't like me even if I am thin. There are people who love me regardless! And there are those who are really not interested in what or why I am loosing weight! Yes the might be happy for me but they don't want to be troubled or involved with ensuring that I stay motivated to succeed! Heck, there are even those people who expect me to fail and see no use in getting excited about my venture! And then there are those who have negative comments to offer! I really wish they'd say nothing if they are going to offer negative mojo!
I now what and why I want to win this battle, so I must not let these things take me down! Keep the eye on the prize and realize it is a new life I am heading towards, not just a weight loss!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JIBBIE49 3/22/2013 1:10AM

    Lots of hugs.

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REDMOUNTAIN 3/22/2013 1:09AM

    You wrote a wonderful and thoughtful post. I also can relate, having been a big person most of my life, on every diet out there, etc. I have used food to comfort myself, but now I am switching to exercise. Losing weight - maybe not even just losing the weight - but changing my life to not rely on food to deal with issues, is a big, thought-provoking realization for me.

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