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Suck it in

Saturday, July 02, 2011

What we don't do???

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIEGKORN 7/3/2011 1:12PM

    Thanks for having such a fun sense of humor and sharing it with us!
Too funny! emoticon

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DEBIGENE 7/3/2011 12:10PM

    I think foreign commercials are way more creative than the US seem to be. Good stuff.

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    That's funny!

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SUNSHINE192DAY 7/2/2011 2:35PM

    Wow! Never saw that before! emoticon I was thinking that she was disgustingly skinny before she exploded, lol.

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LIFEGENESIS 7/2/2011 1:24PM

    This one has always been a favorite of mine. Have you seen the one where her stomach sucks in some pasta and whines? It's hilarious! :D

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SANDYDOLLAR201 7/2/2011 6:47AM

    So true!

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PATTIE441 7/2/2011 4:13AM

    emoticonGood one!!

Comment edited on: 7/2/2011 4:14:01 AM

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The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

Saturday, July 02, 2011

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???

Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for ethuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Have a marvelous weekend. Keep strong, and keep smiling!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

INFLATED 7/2/2011 8:05PM

    Two that I heard were, a centurion is a 100-year-old soldier and the millennial reign will be rain for 1,000 years. Kids come up with some funny stuff. My son was singing, "Joshua fit the battle of Cherry Coke" instead of "Joshua fit the battle of Jericho."

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    Some of these were just hilarious: Judas Asparagus....Esau sold Jacob his birthmark...the people took a raincheck. Too funny.

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PATTIE441 7/2/2011 4:16AM

    How adorable! emoticon emoticon

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Now on a romantic note ....

Friday, July 01, 2011

WHEN will they ever learn??? lol

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBIGENE 7/3/2011 12:11PM

    cute !!!

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P0KERS0PH 7/2/2011 5:40PM


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SUNSHINE192DAY 7/1/2011 6:09PM


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GMAHOSS1 7/1/2011 10:10AM

  emoticon emoticonmen go figure

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PATTIE441 7/1/2011 1:40AM

    Now That's romantic! emoticonThanks Jenny!! emoticon

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Aren't Men just dandy???

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Men in the kitchen

LuV it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDYDOLLAR201 7/2/2011 6:51AM


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CJSARGENT1 6/30/2011 9:36PM


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ZANYGIRL1 6/30/2011 9:25PM


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PATTIE441 6/30/2011 7:32PM

    Reminds me of my husband! arh! arh! emoticon emoticon

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SUNSHINE192DAY 6/30/2011 7:14PM

    Wow...I hope he's gonna clean that up!

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PHOTO_MOM_1984 6/30/2011 2:27PM

    lol thanks for the laugh!

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PENNI68 6/30/2011 1:07PM

    LOL......not a great idea with soda, but the thought was nice!!! emoticon
Now I hope he plans on cleaning that mess up!! LOL

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GMAHOSS1 6/30/2011 1:03PM

  so true so true funny emoticon

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HANKENSTEIN 6/30/2011 12:08PM

    very funny

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NOW2DAY 6/30/2011 11:53AM

    Really funny, great.

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BUFFALOKAY 6/30/2011 10:45AM

    Thanks for sharing the laughs!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 6/30/2011 9:14AM

    LOL! Seriously, totally laughed out loud!

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A twinkle in your wrinkle

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.

To realize
the value of a sister/brother
ask someone
who doesn't have one.

To realize
the value of ten years:
ask a newly
divorced couple.

To realize
the value of four years:
ask a graduate.

To realize
the value of one year:
ask a student who
has failed a final exam.

To realize
the value of nine months:
ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
the value of one month:
ask a mother
who has given birth to a premature baby..

To realize
the value of one minute:
ask a person
who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
the value of one-second:
ask a person
who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.
treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:


Hold on tight to the ones you love!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIEGKORN 6/30/2011 12:16PM

    Love the twinkle in your wrinkle! Not YOURS personally, no wrinkles for you, just twinkles! LOL I meant your blog!

Thanks for the jump rope goodie! We're doing this!
Have a happy, healthy day! emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 6/30/2011 9:16AM

    I love this, thank you for posting!

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