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The Amarula Tree

Saturday, August 20, 2011


... and that's a fact!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAMZINRENEWED 8/22/2011 4:17AM

    lol...that is so funny...makes me want a shot of Amarula and milk .lol

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INFLATED 8/20/2011 8:35PM

    Lol! I think they are drunk.

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ESILBO 8/20/2011 8:38AM

    I THOUGHT ANIMALS NEW INSTINCTIVELY WHAT WAS GOOG FOR THEM...I MEAN THE REAL GOOD, NOT THE STONE FEELING...LOL
CUTE
LISE

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JSALERNO 8/20/2011 8:34AM

    OMG YOU'D THINK THEY WERE DRUNK. HOW FUNNY AND CUTE.

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NEW-CAZ 8/20/2011 7:31AM

    cute!

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Church Smiles

Saturday, August 20, 2011




There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

"Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."



A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."



There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."



While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign..."Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."





A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you! know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "





A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."




People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay, said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.' "





Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATTIE441 8/21/2011 8:46AM

    Beautiful! thank you! emoticon

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LOSTLIME 8/20/2011 3:59PM

    Thank you,Jennie! Another fine one!

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ATLTRAINR 8/20/2011 9:14AM

    Love the last one! emoticon

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ESILBO 8/20/2011 8:44AM

    GREAT AS USUAL...THANK YOU FOR SHARING
emoticon
LISE

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NEW-CAZ 8/20/2011 7:09AM

    wonderful blog Jenny! emoticon

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A Womens Prayer

Friday, August 19, 2011



Now I lay me
down to sleep.
I pray the Lord
My shape to keep.

Please no wrinkles
Please no bags
And please lift my butt
Before it sags

Please no age spots
Please no gray
And as for my belly,
Please take it away.

Please keep me healthy
Please keep me young



THE TRUTH IS:
Inside every older woman is a younger woman - wondering what the hell
happened!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOSTLIME 8/20/2011 3:49PM

    This was great! I feel like this everytime I look in the mirror!
Thank you!

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PATTIE441 8/20/2011 12:18AM

    hee hee Awesome!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUDYPOPPINS 8/19/2011 11:07PM

    emoticon. Too funny..


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ESILBO 8/19/2011 3:38PM

    SOOO TRUE emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 8/19/2011 3:06PM

    emoticon

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MISSB8604 8/19/2011 12:30PM

    Hahaha!

So fun!

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ELLFIN3 8/19/2011 12:27PM

    emoticon emoticon Thanks for sharing! Have a great weekend!!! emoticon

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LVMAMAW 8/19/2011 12:04PM

    emoticon Oh Jenny!! Good one!! Thanks for the laugh! Have a great day! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Playing with my balls

Friday, August 19, 2011

Brilliant!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATTIE441 8/20/2011 12:22AM

    Wow! Incredible!! emoticon emoticon

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CELEST 8/19/2011 12:43PM

    Amazing. I cant even play the piano with my fingers let alone big fat pink balls.

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FITKAT62 8/19/2011 12:36PM

  I saw him im Las Vegas several years ago. He was great! His name is Wally Eastwood. He was part of Folies Bergere show at the Tropicana.



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Little Known Laws of the Natural Universe

Friday, August 19, 2011



Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have pee.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Bio-mechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness/cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product (TV show) that you really like, they will stop making it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAMZINRENEWED 8/22/2011 4:24AM

    Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

This is so irritating for someone like me. I work in IT, so colleagues will bug me all day complaining about something not working on their pc, and the moment i get a chance to go check it out (sometimes I have to drive to their location)...it turns out to be 100% working...so irritating and yet so true emoticon

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LOSTLIME 8/20/2011 3:56PM

    Too true! emoticon emoticon

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PATTIE441 8/20/2011 12:23AM

    emoticon emoticon

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ILOVEROSES 8/19/2011 5:29PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ESILBO 8/19/2011 3:46PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JSALERNO 8/19/2011 1:55PM

    emoticon YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

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ELLFIN3 8/19/2011 12:36PM

    emoticon Everyone of these is very true! Thanks for sharing!!! emoticon

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