Saturday, October 06, 2012
On my way to work this morning, I notice that the screen of my phone appears to be different. All of my icons are in different places, and some are missing. Uh oh. That can't be good.
I pull into Starbuck's lot and turn the phone off. Then back on again. No change. Take the battery out. Wait 30 seconds. Put it back in. The insolent little icons refuse to go back to their places. So I sit there in my car, in the Starbuck's parking lot, staring at the cold little rectangle in my hand, pondering what more I can do.
I decide to call the mothership , Verizon, for assistance and have them walk me through wirelessly "updating" my phone.
Hmm, where's that "contacts" icon...?
OMG. WHERE'S THE "CONTACTS" ICON?!!!
I suddenly have awareness that all my contacts are gone! AND SO ARE MY PICTURES! Danggit, why didn't I download those pictures when I was thinking about it earlier?!
[Now I just want to cry. My before-and-after landscaping pics are in the ether somewhere]
So I go to the web browser and Google "Verizon" to get the phone number since my contacts are gone, and that's when I realize that my smartphone has dropped major IQ points and has no internet access or phone reception. It is basically a colorful-but-useless-little-glass-and-plas
Its only function now is to turn on or off. Which would be amazing to me if I were two, but I'm not. I'm now emotionally crippled. I am cut off from my friends and family. I can't talk to someone while driving to work, or schedule my day into my online calendar/planner. Or text my DH that I love him and can't wait til he gets off of work so we can hang out together.
Two years ago, I had a cell phone designated for emergency-use-only. There was no texting. No web browsing. I memorized everyone's phone numbers. I browsed the web and e-mailed from my computer at home or work. I drove places while listening to my radio, not Pandora. And if I saw something picture-worthy, I brought out my camera and took a quality photo on film. I called people. From a land line. I went for hours (frequently days) without feeling the need to call (let alone text) anyone. There was a freedom in that. It was my norm. It was comfortable. Now, after the luxury of having my smartphone, it would be a nightmare.
I checked my phone a few minutes ago and it is back. The contacts are there. The pictures magically appeared from the ether. It has reception. And my crazily-connected life again has order.
We get used to what we have and depend upon it for comfort. Just like being overweight. There is a comfort in the excuses, the food, the lifestyle. But just like adding a smartphone to my cell-less life, what I perceive as "comfortable" can change.
The changes needed for weight loss can throw us into a panic, or make us feel anxiety or fear or embarrassment. But these are all temporary. When the exercise and smaller body and better-fitting clothes become our norm, then it feels "off" to stray from that norm. Weight loss isn't the challenge. Changing our norm is the challenge.
Gonna hit the gym now. With my smartphone and Pandora.
Thursday, October 04, 2012
From this past week of bad food choices and the ensuing gastrointestinal, mood, and bloat issues I am experiencing, I am reminded that "garbage in = garbage out".
I feel icky.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Two things I have never been able to do, even at my high school weight of 150 lbs: full pushups (hands and toes, not hands and knees), and pull ups.
I had an hour personal training session today, and my trainer gave me my first superset to do in the hour. One of the exercises of that superset was pushups on the BOSU. I have always done pushups (both regular and BOSU) on my hands and knees.
It came time for the BOSU pushups, and as I got into the hands-and-knees position, something in my head was impatiently pacing around in there, telling me to, "Get on your toes...just *try* it..." It was like trying to hold back a cough. It was kind of choking me--I just HAD to do it, even at 227 lbs. So I extended my legs and just started doing them. I was truly not believing what I was doing. Is this *me*? I was in such disbelief, that I didn't realize I had done 10 (my trainer told me) before I had to drop back to my knees again. Granted, I was definitely not dropping as low in full push up position as I do when on my knees, but there was a 90 degree bend to the elbows, so I was kicking some pushup a** as far as I was concerned! I did 4 sets of 10 full and 5 half.
Doing something I never thought I'd be able to do, and at this weight, gave me such a rush of adrenaline, that the rest of the hour flew by.
This is where I would normally post a sweatring pic, but I have started using a BondiBand around my hairline, so the sweat doesn't make it to my shirt now. I was able to wring out the band in the parking lot, though. TMI
So one thing that I believed to be impossible has been conquered. Pull ups, here I come...
Monday, September 17, 2012
I am really having difficulty wrapping my head around a situation that I will face in November. I am having a torn meniscus "cleaned up" in my knee through arthroscopic surgery in November, and my physician said I would need to not exercise on it for a month. I have such fear welling in me because of that. A month "off' may quash any habit of exercise that I have taken years to establish. I am freaking out over this.
In early 2010, I started exercising regularly, and I added a personal trainer in February. By July or August I had lost 52 lbs and was in onederland. I was hitting the gym hard. It was all or nothing, it seemed, and I was in "all" mode. My exercise personality type (all or nothing) is why I continued to pay a trainer after I had lost all motivation to exercise in the fall of 2010. I knew that if I continued to pay him, I would continue to show up for my appts, even if I wasn't "in the mood" to exercise. This would guarantee that I would be working out at least twice a week. My plan worked. That went on for about 1+1/2 years (with a weight re-gain of 30 lbs) until I got my mojo back and upped the number of workout days to 3, then 4 per week. I recently got back into the habit of working out 5 days per week. It has been hard for me, but I'm there again.
If I am off for a MONTH, I am terrified that I will lose this momemtum and drive, and I might not get it back! I have stocked my DVD library with yoga and "chair" exercise routines, but in the past, I have had unopened DVDs for years without looking at them. I know there are Sparkvideos I can do, also, but will I?
During that month I will be home more, around my triggers, with more opportunity to eat during a time when I should be eating less due to the inactivity.
I am trying to breathe through the anxiety when it crops up, and have been able to do so pretty effectively so far. My blood pressure was 102/70 at the doctor last Friday, and that was right after some anxiety had manifested. But the fear is still there, and I want to be prepared for whatever road my motivation takes.
On a separate note, the mega-fans at the new gym can't touch me. I continue to produce a respectable sweatring despite their efforts. Nyeah.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Helicopter-blade-sized MegaFan-- you don't know who you're dealing with.
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