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IT FITS! It Really REALLY Truly Fits!!! Yippppeeeee!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I'm wearing my concert t-shirt from The Who.

See, this is me wearing the shirt, with the ubiquitous me, my phone and my mirror Spark shot:

The story doesn't really start there, it starts in October of 2006. That's when the announcement that The Who was touring again after 17 years was made. That's when I found out that they would be traveling to my fair city.

Seeing The Who play live was on my bucket list for a decade, back in the days before there was such a thing as a bucket list, and I called it the less romantic name of "Things to Do Before I Die List". The list also included things like, find a man who can tolerate me enough to marry me, visit all 7 continents, own my own home, write a book and a variety of other things.

Anyway, I had actually taken seeing The Who off the list, that whole 17 years without touring thing made it seem highly unlikely to ever happen.

So when the opportunity arose, when I actually had the chance to see them, had great seats (13th row, WOOT) I HAD to get a t-shirt, I mean, you don't want something like that for that long and not get a concert tshirt, that would just be redonkulous. So, I bought a t-shirt in the largest size that they offered, a t-shirt that I could not wear, with a faint spark of hope that maybe, one day I would find something that works for me and lose enough weight that I could wear it.

Flash forward to today. I'm still about 5 pounds heavier than when I went to that concert on December 11, 2006, but the working out must be reshaping my body because it fits. Not gross sausage fit, it actually fits.

It would fit better if I wasn't wearing a look-at-my-girls-all-hoisted-upward bra and was wearing a normal-girls-at-half-mast bra, but that is just fine by me.

So what's your concert T-shirt? What will you pull on one day that will make you want to do back handsprings and cartwheels?

Edit: I think anyone who reads this should be feel completely obligated to take a picture of themselves wearing their "Who Concert T-shirt" clothing, no matter how old or out of date they are, whilst standing in front of a mirror, using a cell camera whenever possible!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHOZANNE 5/23/2011 11:42PM

    It DOES fit!!! My "Who t-shirt" is actually an Aerosmith T-shirt I bought at a concert when my husband and I first started dating, 11 years ago. Today we were cleaning out the storage building, and I found my Aerosmith shirt that I have NEVER worn. It fits!!!! So very happy! I'm wearing it now, actually, and I might sleep in it tonight. It is such a great feeling!

Glad I can share my thrill, since you know how it feels.
emoticon emoticon

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FUTURETEMPLE17 5/23/2011 9:11PM

    My "Who T-shirt" is my (used to be) favorite pair of jeans. I cried when I realized I couldn't fit them over my thighs when I was 3 months pregnant, and I haven't been able to fit in them since. But one day soon I will win that battle!

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SNOWFLAKE561 5/22/2011 9:21PM

    My "who t-shirt" is a "little black dress" I bought 5 years ago when I had lost 30 pounds. I found those 30 pounds and a few more to boot...and now the dress hangs in my closet...BUT, I will fit into that dress and wear it and feel good!!!!

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TANYAP71 5/22/2011 9:18PM

    I am not sure. I pulled out the very few skinny clothes I kept and, gosh, they seem tiny. I have 2 things I hope I can get back into - a beautiful size 4 Liz Claiborne skirt and a runs-very-small size 7/8 pair of brown velvet jeans. I can only get the pants halfway up my thighs! I didn't even take the skirt off the hanger.

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    My concert t-shirt = my wedding dress! We want to renew our vows to each other next january I have 27 pounds to lose by then but I want to be wearing it when we once again stand in front of the preacher! Think I can make it? I BELIEVE I WILL! I didn't used to have that confidence but if so many people here on SP can do it I KNOW I can too!!! emoticon

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ELBALL 5/21/2011 12:01PM

    I love your blog. It's like you're writing the blog I would write if I could commit to writing one. emoticon

My 'concert T-shirt' is a pair of jeans I wore in high school. There are very worn, with holes around the back pockets. Because they are out of style (and partly because they show my asset), I won't wear them out of the house. But it doesn't matter. Just fitting into them again and wearing them around my closet is enough.

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UNIQUELY_BELLA 5/20/2011 7:44AM

    my "the who t shirt" is a size 7 pair of skinny jeans i bought 2 years ago and haven't been able to use since then =( I still look at the pictures like THAT IS SOOOO GOING TO BE ME AGAIN -- I AM DETERMINED!!!

And emoticon btw =)

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MOSTMOM1 5/20/2011 7:09AM

    Woohoo! I have an official Evil Kenevil, black leather jacket, complete with pink flames that match my bubblegum pink motorcycle helmet. I WILL pull that thing on, zip it up, and be able to sit on the back of a bike without falling off. I will!

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ELECTRICITY3699 5/19/2011 2:40PM

    YEAH! I have a goal to fit into my son's football jersey comfortably. I can wear it but it's the stuffed sausage look for sure (not to mention the girls were pretty pissed off to be smashed instead of proud)! Ok so here's the kicker - He's only in 4th grade, 10 years old and 100 pounds... Can I do it? I'm sure as hell going to try!

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MILLIE5522 5/19/2011 2:35PM

    I am so pleased that you love The Who too. I saw them in concert back in 1974 in England (Charlton Athletic). My Dad worked with someone who babysat for Pete Townsend's children."The babysitter" got me and my brothers free tickets from Pete! It was the best concert that I have ever been to ( the line up was amazing!)
As for The Who t-shirt, mine is a pair of UK size 8 linen trousers that I wore very briefly about 3 years ago. emoticon

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SWABBYKAT 5/19/2011 10:36AM

    I bought a size large Lucky Brand tankini like 2 years ago...I think it's supposed to fit a size 11/13. It was supposed to give me the initiative to lose weight. I also have a size 14 satin shirt that I bought when I was a size 14 but it was cut small and was super tight. I would also like to fit into that one day. But for now, my first goal is to get back into my size 14 jeans. That would definitely make me do cartwheels...if I knew how to do one. Lol...

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FITFOODIE806 5/18/2011 1:18PM

    what a cool experience and now you can relive it each time you put on the shirt. awesome!

My Who t-shirt is a pair of size 6 skinny jeans. maybe I'l have the guts to try them on in a few more weeks.

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BLUEROSE73 5/18/2011 10:56AM

    I love it. My concert t-shirt? My little size 9-10 jeans. I'm getting there. My smallest I can fit right now are 11/12's. I will be back into my favorite little jeans soon

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FREECANDY 5/18/2011 9:55AM

    Awesome! You look so good! My Who t-shirt is the original dress I bought for my brother's wedding. It's allegedly a XXL but it is hilariously small. I'd say it's probably more along the lines of a M or maybe a small-ish L. But I'll get into it some day! On a more general level I want to be able to buy women's t-shirts instead of men's without feeling like a sausage.

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RUN_BLONDIE_RUN 5/18/2011 9:52AM

    Oh yeah! I think Keith Moon (RIP) would def approve! I have a thing about concert T-shirts as well. The last concert I went to was Atmosphere and yes I bought a T-shirt. I don't feel 100% comfortable wearing it though because I went to buy a shirt and the merch guy asked what size and I said Large. He looked at me, shook his head and said "you need a medium" WHAAAAAAA?!?!?

Yeah, so I bought the medium, it fits, but I'm still stuck in that self-aware "inner fat girl" mode when it come to wearing it. So my mission for this evening is to take a picture of me it in....thanks for the inspiration.

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 5/18/2011 9:27AM


For me it isn't an item of clothing. It's more like a prosthesis. It will be my Jackson RockStar S playboat. Which I was going to get when I went under 160 lbs. And use this season to learn white water rodeo.

Guess that'll be deferred for a year.

So even if I do hit that goal I won't be able to take advantage of it until next Spring. I hope I manage to stay there once I get there.

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ATA1119 5/18/2011 6:26AM

    YAY for you! My "tshirt" is a pair of black capris. They used to fit, then I grew out of them =( Looking forward to fitting into those.

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CANNIE50 5/18/2011 1:24AM

    First things first, don't you be begrudging those girls their hoisting - they deserve to be hoisted.
I suppose I could borrow the concert t-shirt my 20 year old daughter got at a Queen tribute concert (the whole family went a couple months ago, inc the 7 y.o. who caught the attention of the faux, but very good, Freddie Mercury) - anyway, the t-shirt says "fat bottom girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round". True statement, doncha think? I have a ways to go before that shirt will fit me, and I would have to grow some extra nerves before I would wear it in public but I would consider an SP photo. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RYDERB 5/17/2011 11:35PM

The girls are suppose to be shown off! I think it looks a little big on your waist! emoticon

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TJ_RED 5/17/2011 10:27PM

    Way to go! Your hard work and dedication are paying off! Going to have to dig down deep and find one of my old concert shirts!


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RACH818XX 5/17/2011 10:18PM

    Woohoo jenn!! Awesome!! So proud. I got to see The Rolling Stones in 2006. Was soo awesome. Something not many people my age get to see! Never will forget it!

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    i love it, you are HILARIOUS!!!!!!!! :D

my "who t-shirt" actually is a "tshirt of an awesome band".... QUEEN anyone?! my fav. i ordered the shirt online last year in a LARGE and when it got to me it was more like a small.... maaaaybe a very small medium at best...... :/ the shirt bears the logo from their album jazz and i cannot wait to wear that shiiiiiiiirt! was hoping to wear it next weekend when i go to a concert in atlanta... we'll see! if i do, i'm fo sho getting a pic!!

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PANBOOKS 5/17/2011 9:12PM

    Concert Tee - Jill Scott. What will I do backflips and handstands for? A pair of workout pants that fit oh so good - cannot wait to wear those to the gym. Keep up the great blogs

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ZOOKEEPERMAMA 5/17/2011 9:07PM

    Congratulations! For me the one thing I want to fit is my Cabo 2009 tee from a company trip. The company bought shirts for everybody, but even the extra large girl tees were way too small. DH picked me up one anyway. Someday I am going to fit it. And I'm going to rock it to the grocery store even if it's the dead of winter!

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AMYELIZABETH8 5/17/2011 8:57PM

    That's AWESOME! That is such a great feeling! I'm truly happy for you!

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HEIDIC75 5/17/2011 7:51PM

    congrats !!! YOU ROCK!!!!

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MISSM66 5/17/2011 7:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUSANMOMOF6 5/17/2011 7:41PM

    LOVE IT!!! You rock, forget the WHO! emoticon

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JESSALOU7 5/17/2011 7:11PM

    That's awesome!!! What a great feeling!!! I'm so happy for you!! Last month I fit into an old pair of rolled shorts (oh yeah, so from the 90's!) from my senior year of high school. I have a Dave Matthews Band concert shirt from 1999 that I'm now wondering if I fit into. Gonna have to check that out. Great job!

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GEMGLOW 5/17/2011 6:46PM

Good for you!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 5/17/2011 6:32PM

    That's so great! Love it when I can fit into old clothes. Currently I have a pair of jeans hanging on the back of my bedroom door that are a size 8. I want to wear a pair of pants that are only one digit in size!

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HMCOSTNER 5/17/2011 6:14PM

    Congrats, that has to make you feel good. I have alot of clothes in my closet that don't fit anymore, but I just want to wear anything as long as the size doesn't have an X in it.

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WRITERGIRL4 5/17/2011 5:57PM

    YES!!!!! That's such a great success! I have a few shirts that I've never been able to wear, and they are now proudly hanging on the walls of my bedroom to keep me motivated. Here we go!!!

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LINDAJ0621 5/17/2011 5:24PM

    OK...Don't laugh, but I have a Tshirt from Prince's 2004 Musicology tour that I finally fit again. My hubby and daughter took me to his concert that year for my birthday and I had a wonderful time! (Until someone said to me that I didn't look like a Prince fan; whatever a Prince fan is supposed to look like!!) I think I had been a fan far longer than she had been on this earth...LOL!
Way to are doing great!!!
emoticon emoticon

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GENELDABELDA 5/17/2011 5:12PM

    emoticon So awesome! I was trying on some oldies last week, and I'm so close...I have some lacy knit shirt with the tags still on them...they are the goal.

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MICHELLESMILES_ 5/17/2011 4:54PM

    Woohoo! Way to go! So happy for you!

I had a Nike Jacket that I wore in high school that I can wear now comfortably. Haven't wore it in about 10 years really....and it still looks good!

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    That's awesome! Congrats and keep up the good work!

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CECE0330 5/17/2011 4:53PM

    CONGRATS!!!!! Even though the jeans themselves are out of style, I want to fit into the ones I wore on the first date my with DH 13 years ago. I weighed right around 154, so I'm getting close!!!!

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GIANTPANDA 5/17/2011 4:51PM

    Congratulations! It is such a great feeling. I'm doing the happy dance in black jeans that hadn't fit in some time. All your hard work is paying off!

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MDEVILE 5/17/2011 4:47PM

    I have an adorable orange coconut silk skirt that I haven't been able to wear in SIX YEARS.

I CAN'T WAIT :D emoticon

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KJT1985 5/17/2011 4:40PM

    YAHOO!! I've got a dress from vacation three years ago that i'm dying to get back into. Enjoy wearing that shirt, you deserve it!

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ATINYDANCER 5/17/2011 4:25PM

    SO EXCITING! YAY! Good for you! emoticon

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GOLOPTIOUS 5/17/2011 4:24PM

    Woot!! That is exciting news!

I have a few things that I can't wait to fit into. One is this gorgeous shirt that I used to wear but is WAY too small currently. It's sort of stretchy, so it shows everything and I won't be wearing it again until I get to my goal weight. Also, I have a few skirts that I want to wear again. I haven't even been brave enough to try them on at all in the last few years.


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    What a fun post, and congratulations on your success! That must've been a great feeling.


I have a pair of black capris that I've never been able to wear. Even if nobody else wears capris by the time they fit, I'll be wearing mine!

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Do It Like It's Your Job...

Monday, May 16, 2011

My primary job is an amazing gig. Every time my electronic leash rings, it is because someone, somewhere, is doing the right thing and trying to save a life. It rings all day and night when I'm on call. It knows when I'm in the shower, pooping and making the two-backed beast, because it likes to ring more then.

My job is also rewarding in the extreme. My very first week, my preceptor and I were responsible for saving 7 lives. Them's not bad bananas. Flip side of the coin: I did a 37 hour shift earlier this year with a one hour nap at about the 20 hour mark. That is the very definition that I have granted Webster's permission to use for the word I made up "sucktacular".

Bear with me here, I have a point, really. I'm just really slow getting, well, everywhere, today.

So, in a nutshell, my job pays well, is rewarding, is intellectually stimulating, my boss is the best boss I've had in my life, and every time I get called in to work, I know that the likelihood is that someone somewhere is feeling like they won the lottery. I've been doing it for four years and I plan to do it for another three until I finish my Masters program.

That doesn't mean that when I had to leave the house yesterday, on my only real day with my workaholic husband (pot, this is kettle, you're a workaholic) that I didn't unleash a string of F-bomb conjugations that would shock a sailor who rides with the Hell's Angels while on leave. I was pissed to the point of being in tears. Angry and sad and just irritated. We had plans to plant the garden, to snuggle, to take a nap, to eat at a restaurant of some variety and to just chill out together. I deserve a life, don't I?

See, sometimes it doesn't matter that your job is rewarding, saves lives and pays well. You just don't want to do it. There are days when, at four am, I don't give two *insert dirty words* that lives are being saved or how much money I'm making. I want my bed. (It's ok if you want to judge me for that, give me a call the next time you are 2/3 through a 24 hour shift and we can discuss your feelings.)

All the same things are true of diet and exercise. I did not want to go to the gym today. I was awake 26 straight hours yesterday ending at 0930 this morning. I have raging bilateral ear infections making me feel like crusty kitten barf PLUS, yet again, I can't get in the pool. I think I should change my name to JennNeverSwims. The fact that these ear infections started 7 days into a 10 day antibiotic regime started for Evil Toe is not a good sign.

I only slept four hours because Scooter, the great dane--allow me to remind you that great danes were bred to be fierce and hunt wild boar--was dissatisfied with how he was covered with his blankie. After making sure his preciousness was covered, I couldn't get back to sleep.

So I forced myself to go to the gym and I did my 65 minutes on the treadmill. I was pathetic. I was slower than I have been in weeks and I turned off the incline half way though. My heart was not in it. I bitched internally for the entire thing, but I did it because it is my job.

I consider my weight loss plan to be a job. Why? It isn't always fun, but it pays rewards that I require. I just get good health instead of health insurance, I get thinner instead of a paycheck, and just like my real job, I do it sometimes because it is the right thing to do, not something I want to do.

Exercising and packing my lunch every night and counting calories isn't always the kind of thing that makes sunshine, hearts and flowers burst forth from my body cavities, but sometimes you get the highest of highs, just like you would from any job well done.

There is no substitute for clothes getting too big, for getting on the scale and doing the happy dance afterward, for eliminating harmful food from your life and feeling so healthy that you shock yourself. There is no substitute for treating it like your job. You wouldn't call off work indiscriminately, so you don't get to do it with your exercise either.

You don't have to have some job that sounds exciting (believe me, there are times when my job is the most boring thing on the planet and the furthest thing from exciting) to draw the parallels between work and weight loss. Being a parent is rewarding, painful, irritating, time consuming and wonderful from what I hear. Sounds like weight loss to me.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ICEWAT3R 6/22/2011 2:37PM

    Just found this great blog. I love the idea of treating it like a job. Keep it up you are inspirational.

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MRSLATTING 6/10/2011 12:01PM

    OMGosh...I love this! Thank you for sharing!

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CYNDERROSE 6/8/2011 11:46AM

    I love the idea of treating weight loss like a job. It gives a new way to look at it for those days that you have a case of the "i don't wanna's"

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IGSBETH 6/4/2011 1:41PM

    Great blog!

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SPACEYKP 5/31/2011 3:06PM

    This is such a great post! You've definitely provided a different and interesting perspective on weight loss. I usually look at diet and exercise as things I "should" do and not so much as things I "have" to do. Thanks for sharing your views!

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SUSANS_TURN 5/30/2011 6:00PM

    Definitely a point worth taking! You are so spot on! Thank you! I REALLY needed this!

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CBACH71 5/29/2011 4:00PM

    Great blog. Spot on.

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BEACHGIRL76 5/24/2011 10:54AM

    I totally laughed out loud. lol What do you do for a living? Besides working out? lol hee hee! When will you have your masters degree?

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SNOWFLAKE561 5/22/2011 9:45PM

    Great blog!!! You always seem to say the right things with the right amount of humor!!!

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LADEEDAA 5/21/2011 2:49PM

  Thanks for this post. I couldn't figure out how others got through with it-- I've never stuck with anything that was as boring and tedious as I find diet and excercise.
Oh I see, you gotta do it anyway! emoticon

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DANCINGBRAVE 5/19/2011 9:39PM

    God, if we didn't laugh, we'd never lose weight! Great blog, and even greater thoughts. Bringing my lunch every day, portioned and counted out never felt so good; I'm just doin' my job, ma'm! emoticon

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ARTTHERAPY4LIFE 5/19/2011 1:58PM

    I didn't think anything could motivate me today, but this did. You are absolutely right. Thanks.

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PHOENIX43 5/18/2011 7:56PM

    I'm laughing because your electric leash rings at the same inconvenient times that my mother in law does.

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GEMGLOW 5/18/2011 8:51AM

    This is how I see it as well..if I don't look at it A's something that must be done then I'd let it fall to the side and do " more important" things first.BUT this is just as important(to me at least!)...

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ZOOKEEPERMAMA 5/17/2011 9:26PM

    Great post! Thanks for the encouraging kick in the seat! =)

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    This is a great blog. I need to start treating my workouts as a job, that is for sure. Thanks for the extra dose of inspiration. I have already committed to doing an intermediate 5k training program, now I need to commit to declaring this training a second job. You are awesome, thanks for sharing!

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ATA1119 5/17/2011 7:15AM

    Thank you for the motivation and the humor =)

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55WALKER 5/17/2011 6:34AM

Great blog- as usual! I love reading things I need to hear.

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JULIETEXAS 5/17/2011 1:24AM

    emoticon What a wonderful blog, great motivation, thanks for sharing!

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DUBAIGIRL 5/17/2011 12:41AM

    Ok I'm new to the blog and have to ask - what do you do?

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MSPRING1987 5/16/2011 10:49PM

    Awesome blog! Thanks for sharing! Yesterday I skipped the gym because I just didn't feel like I went and it felt great. Next time I want to skip, I need to think of your blog and just go anyway!

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CANNIE50 5/16/2011 9:23PM

    Another fabulous blog. I have realized that letting my wants run my life gained me 50 lbs of fat to drag around so it is time to make my needs the "boss of me". I hope you get a lot of rest, some uninterrupted time with your man, and that you find your ginormous baby a "snuggie" so you are not on blankie patrol. I REALLY hope you get some relief from the ear infections - ear infections are SO painful. The fact that you used NONE of this as an excuse? Oh my gosh. I see great athletic feats in your future. You continue to impress me (which I'm certain is posted on your Sparkpage as one of your goals emoticon).
Thank you so much for your comments on my blog - your words helped me very much.

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PANBOOKS 5/16/2011 9:22PM

    Thanks Jenn - Your humor and insight is a SparkBonus for me.

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MDEVILE 5/16/2011 9:15PM

    You're awesome :D

And now I feel bad for whining about how demanding my job is! (I do 10-12 shifts, 5 days a week, with the occasional BONUS Saturday thrown in when I'm not in school. Like you, it pays well, is (mostly) mentally stimulating and challenging. Unlike you, I am not saving lives or making the world a better place. But it pays well! XD)

The BEST thing about my job right now (other than the money XD) is that I am management, and, as such, I have the option of taking an hour for my lunch break so that I can get my walk in and just working a bit later (if necessary... who am I kidding, it's always necessary XD). And, frankly, if I don't physically leave the building, I'm not going to get any kind of break. So I have double motivation to get my exercise in during the weekdays.

Weekends, however... I am so jealous of my free time! Sometimes the thought of gearing up and going for my walk just seems like the last thing I want to do. But then I think about what I *would* be doing if I stayed home... probably reading, writing or drawing. So, I pack up my laptop and tablet, cue up an audiobook and listen while I walk to the cafe where I can have a latte and write or draw there :D (I work better if I can multitask and still do what I want to do, hence the reason I plan my meals AROUND the fact that I *will* have that yummy latte (which is also a great source of protein!) and my main hobbies are pretty sedentary XD)

Comment edited on: 5/16/2011 9:16:09 PM

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GOLOPTIOUS 5/16/2011 8:52PM

    Wow. Your job sounds fulfilling and yet really demanding. I'm not sure I'd be able to handle all that.

I really needed to hear this today. It's true that you don't just call off of work indiscriminately. I was talking myself into skipping the gym. I broke my leg last year and I think I pushed myself too hard last week and my leg has been aching. After reading this, I realized that I still need to go. Today is a weight training day anyway, so it should be a bit easier on my leg.

Thanks for the motivation!

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2FUN2B_LAZY 5/16/2011 8:51PM

    I love this blog!! I needed it to kick my butt right now! haha (Although I am content with exercise.. just dreaming off all the foods I shouldn't have!)

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DON'T Call me a BBW! Here is My Rant!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

BBW. Big Beautiful Woman. Give me a freaking break!

Do not call me a BBW. I'm not a BBW. You know why? Because fat isn't sexy. Fat isn't beautiful. Fat is a risk factor for diabetes, stroke, heart attack, infertility, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, and the list goes on and on. Let's be clear... being fat means you die a lot younger than your body intended.

You want to know what's sexy? Being able to bounce quarters off your mega toned butt, being able to run a 5k, having abs that you can actually see and having legs that look fantabulous in high heels because of squats.

No, I'm not coming to your flippin' BBW dance party where chubby chasers get to drool on all the mounds, ripples and rolls of adipose tissue in one room. No, I will not join your Facebook group dedicated to making fat women feel like it is ok to be fat. No, I'm not loud and proud to be a BBW. Call me fat and angry, call me pissed off at the food establishment that pumps us full of high fructose corn syrup, or call me militantly anti-companies who make billions on weight loss solutions that make people FATTER.

I'm fat. I have sleep apnea. I have high cholesterol, or at least I did, it may be better now. My fasting blood glucose was 148 a few months ago, it is below one hundred today. My body aches and my joints hurt and I have plantar fasciitis. These things are NOT sexy. Improving is sexy, the problems, the fat, the double chins, the skin problems and the pain is not.

I'm all for women having good self esteem, one day I'd like to be one of those women, but I'm not going to become one by pretending that being morbidly obese is OK because a local club makes big money having fat night and calling it a BBW Club Party.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOLFKITTY 1/10/2012 1:33AM

    Having never been the fit and skinny girl, having always been overweight from childhood, I may have a different perspective on this.

Wait.. Yeah. I've been sexy at 200, when I was 20. I've been sexy at 300 in my mid-twenties. And I've been sexy at almost 400 lbs at 29.

Was I sexy because of my weight? No. Was my fat hideous? No. Why are fat boobies the only kind of softness that is acceptable on a woman?

Was I a big, beautiful woman? Hell the f--, yes!

DId that make me feel like I shouldn't pursue also being healthy? No, it never dissuaded me from fitness attempts. It just made me a little less likely to despise myself, and continue the cycle of eating out of self-hatred or to dull sadness. So, in a way, it was better for me.

At 300 I didn't have high blood sugar, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or any of the other health issues typically related to being unhealthy. I think there are different levels of fitness.

And I don't think that having two or three times that amount of necessary fat as being healthy. But I do think you can be healthy while having excess fat.

But, that's my experience. I just wanted to share.

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CHRISTIELEE71 6/8/2011 12:22AM

  I have been part of the BBW community for years. It can be great to make friends and have a place to feel you fit in. I would rather a man stare and drool over me than make rude comments. The groups in my area also do other activities other than just the parties. While they aren't everyone's cup of tea they have been a great help to others. Just my opinions :)

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65DAVIS 5/25/2011 4:56PM

    Great Blog - thanks for sharing.

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NANASNOW 5/25/2011 4:46PM

    I agree, I tried subscribing to the magazine BBW and was put off by the photos of BBW's. Huh, me a Big girl. Being put off by those photos. What a hypocrite I was! I have been fighting that label for years. Recently I met someone who loved me this way, not 50 pounds lighter like the DH. I feel beautiful, is that bad? Oh, I still want to lose about 30 pounds, but I don't feel the burning need to, now. Perhaps this comment will bring on a rant, sorry.

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EMERALD_E 5/24/2011 9:53AM

    Great blog! I HATE the term "BBW"!

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    I read this post yesterday and I had to read it again this morning. This is soooooo on point! I hate the big gal movement just as much as you do. To be big and on the journey to bettering yourself is beautiful. But to sit around with my chunky-ness (word? lol.) and my chunkier friends eating Popeye's yelling at fit girls that they need a sandwich is denial on so many levels. Should we start the anti-BBW movement? Hmmmmm. Lol.

Again, great post!!! emoticon

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TJLANE3 5/23/2011 6:41PM

    Say it loud and be proud for saying it all!! I feel the same way and am so happy to have read your post.

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ADIPOSEROSE 5/23/2011 12:49PM

    I don't think anyone's encouraging fat girls to be fat--but it's *just* as unhealthy to be pencil-thin, too, and low self-esteem is toxic at *any* size. Don't celebrate being overweight--but don't put yourself down or blame yourself (or anyone else) for not being whatever you think a perfect size constitutes, either. Very few women or men who don't spend their lives worrying about the next photoshoot would ever be considered for one. Does that make them less worthy of appreciation--or respect--from themselves or from others? You aren't beautiful *because* you're big (except to what you've called "chubby chasers")--you're beautiful because of who and what you are, and how you relate to others. You have acknowledged the fact that your weight contributes to your medical issues, and are doing everything you know how to do to address that problem--what's not beautiful about that???

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INTOTHESOUTH 5/22/2011 10:06PM

    I happened upon some of your other blogs recently and just found this one. I have to say it is my favorite.

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MRSMLBJ 5/22/2011 1:47PM

    I love your honesty and can identify with everything you are saying. However, I agree with comes from within. I met my husband online and we fell in love sight unseen, And when we met for the first time I didn't care that he was bald, and he didn't care that I was fat. But I loved your blog and I totally agreed with 99% of what you said. Right on!

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    Great post

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DWILCZKO 5/22/2011 12:14AM

  so true!

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NERAUS 5/21/2011 10:09AM

    Great blog. Way to put things in to perspective.

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PUNZIE73 5/21/2011 8:53AM

    I loved your blog! But I AM big and beautiful. I'm not fat. I think there is a distinct difference. I have a healthy BMI and can run with the best of them. I love my figure, but I don't attach a negative label with my shape and do not wish to be a size 4. I guess I'm BHB. (Big, Healthy and Beautiful) Thanks for your perspective. I do know obese woman who fool themselves into thinking bigger is better, (I think it's just lazy in some cases) but I get what you're saying totally.

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SARAHSALAH 5/21/2011 6:53AM

    thank you so much for your honest words, and really it is not nice to encourage fat girls to continue being fat.

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POTENCIA 5/21/2011 5:38AM

    I get where you coming from BUT yes, I'm beautiful...yes, I'm big...yes, I'm a woman. check. check. check. I don't like the term either...but beauty has nothing to do with the exterior or health. And sexy is certainly nice to be...but it won't make us happy...maybe healthier if you get skinny in the right way...but I have come across too many very outwardly attractive, but very unbeautiful people on the inside. So, it depends on how you take the term. I don't hate my fat; it's made me a better person...ultimately, nobody made me pick up the cheeseburger. I did it to myself. I take responsibility for that. I'm okay with that. That was my past. I can move on now.

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    I love this so much. And hey, I'm doing a paper on obesity in America and perceptions of Americans, can I read this blog to start my presentation? If so, can you please email me your first and last name so I can site my source? This would be perfect for my presentation...pretty please!!!!!

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MSBLT82 5/20/2011 9:36AM

    Right there with you!!

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WOMANCHEF 5/20/2011 7:02AM

    You are so right! Love this blog - yes we need to feel good about ourselves but we have to be honest about what is going on with our bodies. Good for you for saying it!

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LINDSEYBO 5/20/2011 3:53AM

    I love reading your blogs! Totally agree!!

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INASTOVALL 5/19/2011 10:36PM

    OMG, I love this ! I just asked somebody a question yesterday but I got no answer. I asked if she could answer this one question, if Big is beautiful, then why is it so unhealthy? cause it's not. that is just something to pacify us who are fat to believe this lie! cause it's not. There is nothing beautiful about having thigns that rub together, or having dimples in your ass cause your fat, there is nothing sexy about having a double chin or etc. There just is nothing anyone could tell me to believe that... and that is why we are all here to do something about it! we made bad food choices and now we are reaping the consquences from it but that doesn't mean we can't change. I know that I am, and I certaintly believe that you all are going to change as well.

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PINUPMODEL23 5/19/2011 6:14PM

    Thank you so much for saying this!!!!!!! I had a guy not to long ago ask me out on a date because he "loved bbw's".. I wasn't flattered at all. I was gutted, insulted, and horrified.

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OFFDREA 5/19/2011 5:46PM

    Very well said!

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JENERIN01 5/19/2011 5:26PM

    Sing it girl!

I know I am fat, and I like me...but I don't like that I am fat. I think there is a difference. I don't like the "idea" of celebrating obesity.

Your blog is the reason I don't like to shop. I have clothes from plus girl stores because I don't like looking like a homeless person. But shopping is a chore not a luxury. I yearn for the day that isn't so.

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FREECANDY 5/19/2011 3:43PM

    I don't just like this blog, I love it. Every word is so true. You can have good self-esteem and love yourself and still realize that being overweight is a problem and is not something to be embraced or celebrated.

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ELECTRICITY3699 5/19/2011 2:43PM

    I so agree with you! Of course, I don't want to be a stick figure either! Love your blogs! Thanks for making me smile today!

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SWABBYKAT 5/19/2011 10:39AM

    You have such a way with words! Definitely subscribing to your blog. You are a riot! :)

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LOGANDRYLSMOM 5/18/2011 3:29PM

    Love this blog, and all the other ones i've read.. i must add you and subscribe!

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MAKING140BY40 5/17/2011 11:09PM

    Woa! I agree, just didn't realize that's what I thought until I read this blog post. Lol! Too awesome.

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LESSOFMELLY 5/17/2011 2:20PM

    Love it!!! Keep up the good work!! emoticon

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    Well said. Great blog!! emoticon

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    LOVE IT!

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TJ_RED 5/16/2011 10:13AM

    Love it! I appreciate your honesty and motivation!


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MUM_POLARBEAR 5/16/2011 1:06AM

    What is up with "chubby chaser" guys anyway?? Is this just a way for insecure men to find women who they perceive to be "less than" them?? Thus, making themselves feel better? Or is this a legit thing, that some guys have this as a fetish?? LOL... well that was my side question, hahaha

AWESOME BLOG! I usually almost pee my pants when I read your blogs. hehehe Who knows, it might actually happen one of these days! :p (kiiiiiiiiidding)

Yes, fantastically humorous AND articulate! Fantastic!!! You made my day! :D THANK YOU!!

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KAYWEB555 5/15/2011 11:50PM

    Jennswims: That is one for the record books here! Right to the point and as honest as it gets! Glad to have you on the 25# Weight Loss Challenge! Just know that plantar fascitis is had by many very skinny ladies! Most likely from wearing high heels. I just know to many of them.
Why are you not swimming? I must have missed something somewhere! Hope that passes for you !

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STAABSGIRL00 5/15/2011 11:19PM

    Funny and so true! Love it! I too have many of the aches & pains from carrying extra weight & when I wake up in the morning extra achy the last thing I feel is sexy! What are people thinking :(

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EELS4PEELS 5/15/2011 10:12PM

    Very True! Great Rant!

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CANNIE50 5/15/2011 9:29PM

    I dearly love a rant that is articulate, intelligent, honest, factual and thought provoking. I am not only fat, but a recovering alcoholic. Back when I was a (skinny) drunk girl, clubs celebrated my kind - they called it ladies' night. "Exploitation of people's weaknesses and vulnerabilities" doesn't look so good on a banner, I guess.

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OVERHAULING-ME 5/15/2011 9:03PM

    Totally Agree, great post!

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SUSANMOMOF6 5/15/2011 8:30PM

    I'm with you! Name it, claim it, and change it! You have lots about yourself to be proud of{as do I}, but our fat isn't something to celebrate. We need to shed it and I'm honored to be doing it along side of awesome ladies like you!
Blessings and emoticonSue

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LISAWILLBEFIT 5/15/2011 7:01PM

    I agree with you thanks for getting it out there.

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BETTERTEE 5/15/2011 5:42PM

    Amen! That's all I can say - you covered my feelings in this one blog - Amen!

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SARA72121 5/15/2011 5:36PM

    I completely agree with you. Fat is NOT sexy. I think people that think otherwise need to take a hard look at themselves and be honest. Obesity related diseases and problems are enough to want to change without even taking physical appearance into account.

Those clubs and chubby chasers bother me because they're not open minded and accepting. They don't like you for you. They like you because you fit their fetish!

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    Totall agree!


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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 5/15/2011 4:49PM

    I'm with you on that one. Even before my journey started, I NEVER thought BBW was sexy. It's squishy and gross, and a complete health hazard. Great blog!

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KACYBEE15 5/15/2011 4:12PM

    "You want to know what's sexy? Being able to bounce quarters off your mega toned butt". This made me giggle. Thanks!!

I couldn't agree with you more!! I'm all for good self esteem, but celebrating being fat is not something I can agree with. I do believe in equality and self acceptance, but you were absolutely right in that being fat isn't sexy... it's killing yourself slowly. We would never celebrate people smoking or having cancer. We definitely celebrate PEOPLE who's lives involve those things... but we should never celebrate something that is killing them.

Strong blog. I loved it!

Keep up the great work!
~ Kayli

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PHOENIX43 5/15/2011 4:02PM

    Agreed. I have been both an athlete/soldier and an obese woman and I'll tell ya, being fit is way more fun. Fat doesn't just damage your b0dy, it damages the very essence of who you are. Folks treat fat girls differently than fit girls and pass enormous judement about your value. The more weight I gained, the less seriously people took me. Pissed? Oh yeah! Don't blow smoke up my arse about being a "BBW" Geez... Good rant - thanks for sharing!

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ANEWLEAF81 5/15/2011 4:02PM

  I completely agree! There is something to be said for having confidence and feeling beautiful, but celebrating being unhealthy is just that -unhealthy. I loved this blog!! :)

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GOLOPTIOUS 5/15/2011 2:43PM

    I completely agree with you here. I hate that people try to make being unhealthy okay when it is absolutely not okay. It makes trying to lose weight so much more frustrating.

And just because you have high self-esteem doesn't mean you should be okay with being overweight. I mean, look at me. I am freaking awesome! But that doesn't mean I stop where I am and say "Alright, I am awesome enough that being fat doesn't matter". Nope. I say I am awesome, and because I am awesome I want myself to be healthier.

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GRSMITH80 5/15/2011 1:50PM

    Agreed. I think we should all accept who we are, irregardless of size but that doesn't mean be complacent with being obese and unhealthy. People need to think health, not size and exploiting women with lower self-esteem or health issues to make a buck...shame on the club! (And the men and women who attend!) I'm all for socializing but do it while you're getting healthier and before you know it you won't need a BBW night!

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I Have Fatmares!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

What is a fatmare? It is a nightmare about being fat. Like the reality of being a fatty isn't bad enough, I get to dream about it too!

The most recent fatmare:

I'm in a sinking ship and all of the skinny people escape from the little round porthole, but I get stuck like Winnie the Pooh.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MYADOG1 5/25/2011 2:46PM


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LADYTHERESA 5/19/2011 5:22PM

    That is so funny.Thanks for the smile!! emoticon

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    At least it was only a dream. emoticon

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PANBOOKS 5/15/2011 4:50PM

    LOL - that is so funny!!! I have daymares about getting stuck on the underground Chicago subway and that I either cannot hoist myself up or that the walkways leading to the top are too small.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 5/15/2011 4:26PM

    LOL! Me too! I dream that I gain all the weight back overnight and wake up huge again. So scary!

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VBPARROTHEAD 5/15/2011 12:12PM

I really did just read a Winnie the Pooh story to my grandgirl and now I read your blog! Coincidence? I think not, I think that I am being told that I fell off the wagon lst week and I dang well get back on or it will break down when I try to or I will have gained the weight back and won't be able to run fast enough to catch it.

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Ok, that made me laugh!

Now stop having fatmares and start dreaming about your hot body in a bikini

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RACH818XX 5/14/2011 11:49PM

    I had a real life fatmare a year ago. I sat on the toilet and it broke! Lmao. I was so upset then and crying but now i can laugh at it!!

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GRSMITH80 5/14/2011 10:05PM

    Okay I couldn't help but laugh when I read that but honestly they suck I have them too! Mine have to do with being naked on a beach with a bunch of skinny people though emoticon

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GOLOPTIOUS 5/14/2011 6:07PM

    I have them too! And I also have dreams where I am in shape and have the perfect life, but then I wake up to my real life. I can't decide which one is worse....

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    LOL sorry that must be scary but the Winnie the Pooh visual makes it pretty funny. On the bonus side you get to wake up and see how great you look! emoticon

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5K Today... Race For The Cure

Saturday, May 14, 2011

I completed a 5k today, and I have NO idea how long it took to finish. I think I started 2 blocks before the start line, and it was the most outrageous mass of pink people you can imagine. They estimated 52,000 people did the walk. This is great for fundraising and awareness, totally a craptastrophe for walking fast, getting timed, and finding out how quickly you can do 5k somewhere other than a treadmill.

I have no idea whatsoever what my time was, best laid plans of mice and men and all that literary stuff. I finished, and that's enough for today. When you pass the starting line 15 minutes or so AFTER the start, you just know that this will not be your fastest time.

I saw people who used canes doing the 5k, I think that means I need to not bitch about working out. EVER.

I no longer hide from cameras. I am all about having all of these photos where I look ginormous (it's officially a word now, WOOT!) so I can be all look how much improved I am in the future. Here we are before the walk:

I'm totally ok with the "race" being a "stroll". I ended up walking 4 miles and I got to yap with a friend the entire time, and it was a good start to the day. It's 4 miles more than I was doing PER MONTH earlier this year, so victory is mine.

I almost teared up a few times. The first time was when I saw a girl who was probably six wearing a sign that said "In memory of my Mom." That just plain sucks. There are no words.

There were a lot of people walking for "Mom".

So, if you are wondering why I strolled instead of raced here is the view ahead of me:

Here is the view behind me:

Seeing that many people out for the cause made me start to tear up again!

This is my friend's 3 month old, supporting the cause:

You finish the race by walking the last few blocks with the streets lined by motorcycles, revving their engines and honking their horns... the street is lined with really big buildings, so it's really loud in a cool way. I wish I had a photo of the biker dudes wearing their black leather, straddling their bikes, revving their engines--with pink goatees!

The men were not forgotten!

Best shirt of the day "Yes, they ARE fake! My real ones tried to kill me!"

In other news, I'm still not doing a good job with making smaller plates, but I'm doing great with stopping when I'm full. Here is today's plate, I made it pretty just for you!

Actually, there is a lot of merit to making your food attractive, pretty food tastes better. FACT.

My husband is a chef and when a restaurant that he worked at changed hands, the new owners bought new tablecloths, new plates and nicer silverware. The hubs kept getting comments like "wow, these crabcakes are so much better than anything you served before, those old ones were not nearly this good." Same crabcakes, same cooks, same recipe, same everything, but the plates looked nicer. End result? My hubby was totally pissed off, but people perceived that their food tasted better because it was more attractive.

Last night, same deal. Too much food. I seriously had a pound of strawberries here. Needless to say, I had some for breakfast this morning.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MYADOG1 5/25/2011 2:34PM

    I went for the first time this year too! I could not believe the people either!! The bikes were my favorite part. I plan on going every year...the signs said it is the 3rd largest race of it's kind in the world and I believe it! My hubbies favorite shirt was on a husband that said "I married her for her smile!". I love the babies onesie! Too cute! Ever thought about a half? I think I'm going to sign up to walk the Nationwide one this October.

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    There were so many people!!! That is so awesome!!! Congrats on the 4 miles and supporting a great cause! :)

Your food looks yummy yummy!

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OVERHAULING-ME 5/15/2011 9:00PM

    WOW, that's a lot of people! What a fun walk to do with so many! Congrats on your four miles! Your food looks YUMMY!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 5/15/2011 4:18PM

    Sorry I'm checking in late. I love seeing everyone's blogs about the "Race for the Cure." Seeing all that pink is just an awesome sight.

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DCAPDEVI 5/15/2011 2:02PM

    Congrats! You did a fantastic job! Who cares what the time was, you did it, and that's the important part! I love the humor you saw, the baby in the onesie, the fake boobs because the real ones tried to kill her... I love how people use humor to cope with things that can be so devastating. Kudos!

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CANNIE50 5/14/2011 10:38PM

    Love the photos - that baby? OH MY GOSH, that baby is too cute for words in her funny, clever onesie. I am glad you enjoyed the spirit of the "race" - I have done events of this size and you do more than the 5k or whatever distance because you are so busy weaving back and forth. It will be great for you to do a smaller race to really get a feel for how hard you can push yourself but you can't beat this one for cause, atmosphere, and the pinkness of it all. emoticon

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GRSMITH80 5/14/2011 10:16PM

    Congrats on you 5K! I love the best shirt of the day but better yet your friend's babies onesie is the cutest thing EVER!!! :) As a cancer survivor emoticon emoticon emoticon without people like you I wouldn't be here with my 3 beautiful girls today! I really truly can't thank you enough! (Or anyone else who has done these great things all in the name of a medical charity!)

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POOKAQUEEN 5/14/2011 10:05PM

    Great pics! I love the baby's outfit, supper cute. Thanks for stopping by my race blog, I love seeing your view of it too! You're welcome to snag my pics of the pink bearded bikers.
I definitely believe that pretty food tastes better, its all mental tricks. Your plate there looks so tasty.

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2FUN2B_LAZY 5/14/2011 8:46PM

    First off, that onesie is SOOO stinkin' cute!
Secondly, that's a lot of people! The race comes around here in October, and I know a lot of people do it, but I hope not that many!!
Thirdly, how do you make your potatoes? (I assume that's what you had on your plate.)

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SARACSJ 5/14/2011 8:44PM

    Great blog and great job on the 5K! I've been helping or walking at Komen on and off for 10 years now and I tear up every year. It's just so powerful to see all the supporters. Way to go for making it longer than the 5K too!

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GOLOPTIOUS 5/14/2011 5:30PM

    Congrats on the 5k! Someday I hope to be able to do one. It looks like it was a lot of fun.

Your food always looks so yummy!

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CMILLER1227 5/14/2011 5:01PM

    Wow what a great achievement and for a great cause!!!

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MRS_RANDI 5/14/2011 3:43PM

    Great job Jen! It looks like it was alot of fun. Before my weight issue, I had trained for the Susan G Komen 3Day, 60 Mile walk. I didn't make my quota for fundraising, so I didn't get to participate, but I can't wait until I am fit enough to do it again. I am aiming for next summer. :) I am so proud of you, and it is such a great cause! Keep up all the great work, you are amazing!

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JUICINGJOJO 5/14/2011 1:23PM

    I love pretty plates. You know, when you fill a plate (or bowl) with what you are calling too much food, and it is..strawberries, or is hard to fault!

That is really neat about pink goatees and I love the baby's onesie! How cute is THAT?

Yay to you for doing your walk. Great job!

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HIPPICHICK1 5/14/2011 1:22PM

    Congrats on your 5K!! Love the best t-shirt of the day!
You are emoticon with emoticon sauce on top!

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MICHELLESMILES_ 5/14/2011 1:13PM

    All I can say is you are fabulous! Love everything about this blog!

Comment edited on: 5/14/2011 1:15:12 PM

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DJS-DEBBIE 5/14/2011 1:11PM

    Wow, we thought there was a lot of people at our Walk and it was less than half of yours. What is the street you are walking down? It looks so familiar!

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