Friday, May 13, 2011
So I went to the pool today, the first time since I had my toe thing last Friday, and I just decided that today I would swim a mile. I kept saying I wasn't going to join a Master's Swim Team until I could do a mile, and it was becoming a hurdle instead of a goal, so I jumped it. :) WOOT WOOT! Sometimes I think I've had part of my brain snatched by aliens and replaced by a very similar brain that has been altered to be attached to a thin body.
As for my "do something that makes you feel like a gladiator" task, I was starting to get pooped, so I did my last 10 lengths as full out wind sprints. Seriously, sometimes I'm shocked by the things I do.
Swimming gives you lots of time to think, and when your pool ipod goes dead, even more time. It's pretty solitary, which can mean one of two things depending on my mood: quiet introspection or outright boredom.
I was thinking about the "50 questions about you" meme that's been going around. Quite frankly, I don't care about that many things about me, let alone 50 things about other people, so I'm not interested. Besides, the questions are lame. I'd ask things like, "If you were a dog whose butt would you want to sniff?" or "If you could slap one stupid celebrity silly, who would it be?" and other odd things.
Anyway, I thought I could do 10 good things and 10 bad things about me, that might be fun. I didn't really plan to share it, more of a mental exercise to occupy my mind while going up and down the pool.
Here's where the insight into my own personality comes in: It took about 2 laps to come up with 10 bad things about me, and about 50 lengths to come up with 10 good things.
What the hell is wrong with me? In a world where everyone wants to tell you how great they are, how big their house is, how large their paycheck and how they are just so much more fantabulous than you are, why is saying 10 nice things about myself so damn hard?
When I realized that, it became something I needed to do, something I had to write down, because part of this journey is going to HAVE to be fixing my self esteem. It's time to start thinking of positive things about myself.
1. When I was little I had braces on my legs, you know the ones, Run, Forrest, Run... those braces. I remember the first time I ever felt ashamed in my entire life, my dad wouldn't let me leave the house unless I got the braces under my jeans where people couldn't easily see them, which is really hard--especially when you are 6.
2. I'm sarcastic. A lot. I enjoy it, and most of my closest friends are the same way.
3. I tend to say what I think, even when this starts out "how freaking stupid can one person possibly be?"
4. I don't take criticism well.
5. I weigh 288 pounds. I cannot believe I ever let things get this bad.
6. I do not tolerate fools well, I can be very intolerant, especially at work. My work saves lives, so anyone who gets between me and the goal line is just in the way.
7. I'm far funnier in writing than in person. I am terrible with punctuation and need an editor to fix my mistakes.
8. I set impossible standards for myself.
9. I'm lazy. I'd rather sit and watch TV or read a book than just about anything.
10. I like to complain, and I like to do so colorfully, with descriptions that amuse people.
10 Good Things
1. I finally bought my first home 18 months ago. WOOT. I still wake up and think I'm on candid camera and they are you going to laugh and say "no, this isn't your house, you are on tv!"
2. IQ tests on the internet say I'm really smart, and you know if it is on the interwebz it has to be true!
3. There isn't a whole lot of guessing when it comes to my feelings about most topics, just ask if I haven't already told you--even if you didn't really care to begin with, I'll tell you.
4. My first book (non-fiction) was published last year. Thank you, Dr. Seuss, Santa Claus and all of the Desperate Housewives for professional editors and the editing software built into word processing software.
5. I weigh 288 pounds, which means I've lost 23 pounds in the last 4 weeks.
6. I have really good hair. It's Marcia, Marcia, Marcia straight, but it is also thick and soft, which I guess is a really rare combination. Every time I get my hair cut, they talk about how unusual my hair is, and not in a tip-me-really-well-sucking-up kind of way, which doesn't work on me because I assume the person is lying.
7.I'm ambitious and rarely have less than 2 jobs at a time.
8. I'm a good organic gardener and I start most of my plants from seed in my greenhouse.
9. Last night 9 people's lives were saved because of me and my coworkers.
10. I got into a pretty competitive grad school and start in the fall.
So, how long will it take you to come up with ten good things and ten bad things about you? Will it take twice as long to come up with good things? Is it almost painful to think of nice qualities that you possess? You can keep the bad things to yourself if you like, but will you meet the challenge to say 10 nice things about yourself?
Thursday, May 12, 2011
It's looking like I will be doing a 24+ hour shift today, and that means a total fail on the exercise, because I can't exactly do the treadmill or kickboxing thing at 3am in a hospital. Good news: I packed a big lunch so I won't have to eat hospital food!
I'm sore from yesterday and the day before, but it is a good sore, you know, the "my giant bazooms and butt are shrinking because I worked out so hard" kind of sore.
I'm doing the Komen Race For the Cure on Saturday morning. Watch out Columbus, Ohio! I'm doing my second 5k (in my entire life) so get out of my way! I will finish in less than an hour, less than 50 minutes if I have my way!
I'll listen to Lady GaGa and the BeeGees the entire time, if I have to, in order to get my feet moving fast enough! Next year, I plan to be jogging some, if not running the whole thing!
It is nice knowing that I won't be last, there are too many people strolling with strollers for that to happen.
More good news: I can get back in the pool Friday, yippeeeeee!
I'm hoping my prediction of a 24 hour shift is wrong, but if it is, I'm prepared. Besides, there is an argument to be made for being awake and working for 24-26 hours counting as exercise (if only as training in endurance).
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Sounds dirty huh? It was. Very dirty. I may have ruined my favorite treadmill shoes. I even have dirt under my fingernails. WOOT WOOT!
We went hiking. When I say hiking, I don't mean we strolled down a path in the woods, I mean we scrabbled over rocks and I had to hold on to tree roots and such. It was work! We "hiked" (climbed over large things) in such a way that my abs are a little upset with me, especially after kickboxing last night!
I'd like to say that I shut up, in honor of yesterday's blog, but I think I pretty much yammered the entire time. My husband is a very patient and forgiving man.
Spark is giving me lots of credit for my exercise, I'm guessing too much, but I'm still doing great these last two days with my energy expenditures.
Spark is saying I burned 2,115 calories hiking 5.5 miles in 2.5 hours AND that I burned 1,145 kickboxing for 55 minutes. Now I'm a really big girl, and I worked my ass off, and my heart was seriously cranking, but I don't think I burned 3,260 calories. Whatever I did burn, I'm totally down with that, I don't need an exact number.
This is where I usually say, the scale better reflect my efforts, but I am not going to let the scale dictate what getting into serious exercise mode means to me and my body. The scale can piss off because I was an exercising demon the last 24 hours and I'm damn happy about my efforts.
For those who are doing The Proving Grounds... I did something right (exercising for 2.5 hours) for all the wrong reasons (to look better half nekked) WOOT WOOT!
Here I is, looking ratty after a great workout! I'm still in the 291 ish range as far as I know.
I keep telling myself that I will be really glad I took all of these revolting pics when I'm 100 pounds lighter and have something to compare with.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
You can talk about it--"I want to get thin! I want to get healthy! I want to lose weight! I want to look like a Supermodel so Ryan Reynolds wants to show me his abs and get in my pants!
You can read about it--"Dr. Fuhrman says I should eat more veggies and I will lose weight easily but Dr. Atkins states that I should refrain from too many carbs because they are harmful, and Dr. McDougall says I need a starch based plan, and don't forget the book about the zones which totally, oh crap what the hell, they all contradict each other"
You can blog about it--uh, no example needed. Duh.
You can think about it-- Hmmm, if I workout 60 minutes 6 days a week and I eat no more than 1,302.5 calories per day, I could/should be at my goal weight this time next year, if my body is a robot and does exactly what I think it should and what my calculations indicate.
You can worry about it--Crap, will I ever lose weight? Have I truly jacked up my metabolism? If I walk a marathon and only eat a carrot, surely that will help my weight loss? What do I do? Can I eat a carrot without gaining a pound? Maybe if I eat only carrots I will turn orange, but be thin in time for my class reunion? (For more examples, please see yesterday's blog)
You can wish for it--You have no idea how badly I want to weigh 135 pounds, I wish I may I wish I might, have this weight loss wish tonight!
You can talk about it some more-- "Well, you see, I've lost 19 pounds, and I'm committed to losing an additional 157 pounds, and yes, it will take me a while, but I am committed after all."
You can research it-- "my research indicates that the concern people feel about "starvation mode" is unfounded and entirely blown out of proportion, therefore, I'm comfortable with eating 1,200 calories per day"
You can dream about it--"When I weigh my goal weight, I shall wear a bikini, get my hair done in those Bo Derek cornrows with fun beads at the ends, and I shall strut and occasionally run in a seductive way up and down a caribbean beach until I'm golden brown and some British guy who looks like Dudley Moore falls in love with me"
But here is the truth as I know it:
You can do all of those things or none of those things, and not a single flipping one of them will be as effective as moving. Get off the couch. Go walk. Go run. Go roller skating. Go breakdancing. Go do back handsprings down the hall way at work. Go doggy paddle. Go play Twister. Go dance around the house while speed cleaning. Go have sex and get sweaty.
Today I kickboxed. It's the hardest workout I've done since this journey, and it was GOOD. I was dripping sweat. I had to stop and do nothing in order to catch my breath for the first time since I started this whole thing. Yes, I moved my body so much that I had to stop to catch my breath, WOOT!
I did something to brag about (see The Proving Grounds team) but I also learned something really important.
Get out there and work so hard that you have no choice but to SHUT UP and gulp down air. You can work so hard that the nasty voices in your head shut the hell up. You can push yourself so hard that the memories of the hurtful things anyone has ever said to you about your body just shut up and go away. You can work your body so hard that the only thing you think about is how you feel and what move you are supposed to be doing next.
SHUT UP in the best possible way you can imagine, by getting your machine revving and your ass moving.
Monday, May 09, 2011
I have jokingly said that I can sit around and make lists of things to worry about, just so I don't have to worry about running out of things to worry about. I find myself worrying every single day about getting the pounds off.
I've lost 19 pounds in the last 4 weeks. I must be doing something right, right? Aside from that first big water weight loss, that's still pretty respectable weight loss in my humble opinion.
That doesn't stop me, Worry Wart the Magnificent, I'm filled with worry because I've only lost one pound in the last week and it is what we fondly refer to as the dreaded TOM. My logical brain knows I'm sort of okish. My emotional brain is confused by all of the bad and downright incorrect information out there on diets, my past failures, the fact that any plan in the past (jenny craig) ended with my gaining weight right back to my starting weight.
Am I alone in this near-constant cycle of worry?
These questions constantly cycle in my noggin...
Am I damaging my metabolism?
Did I eat too much?
Did I eat too little?
Am I eating the right things?
Am I on the right diet?
Do I need more protein?
Do I need more fruit and veggies?
Will I ever lose another pound?
Am I working out too much?
Should I do more strength training, or more cardio?
Do I need to buy a bodybugg to tell me if I'm burning calories?
Who can I talk to about a bodybugg?
I don't care if Atkins will hurt my kidneys, will it help?
and on and on and on...
I'm constantly fretting about these questions, and I know I have had good success this month. I know Spark is good for me. I know exercise is good for me. I know that I feel better when I do Eat to Live than any other style of eating good or bad. I know that so far, so good.
It's just that every time I don't lose a pound, or I get a bounce of a pound, I think, ok, here it comes, this is where we gain everything back plus a few more.
Please tell me I'm not alone with this! How did you pick a plan and TRUST it to work?
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