Monday, May 09, 2011
#1 Bad news: I wasn't able to go any faster than 3.5 miles per hour without pain
#1 Good news: I was able to do 40 minutes on the treadmill (I could have done my usual 60+5 but see bad news #2.
#2 Bad news: I hit snooze for 45 minutes
#2 Good news: I didn't let it stop me from going to the gym!
#3 Good and bad news: The gym pants I wore today are getting too big! I did not like finding this out while on the treadmill when they almost fell down around my ankles.
I had this near miss/moment of panic where I thought the pants were going to fall, trip/bind me, and my overactive imagination was sure this scenario was going to end with me being propelled off the back of the treadmill with my pants around my ankles.
Had I not nearly been de-panted and flung to the floor in humiliation, this too big pants scenario would be a 100% good thing. Now that I'm not on the treadmill, I'm rather jazzed about this development.
All in all, I'm pretty darn happy with my progress!
I'm going on a cruise June 5th, I would like to lose another 20 pounds. That seems like a lot to lose in less than a month. So instead of setting a goal to lose 20 pounds, which requires me to get on Captain PoopyPants regularly to check my progress, I think I need to set some serious food/water/exercise goals, and let the scale do whatever it sees fit.
From this moment until the crack of dawn June 5th:
Exercise 6 days a week minimum, with improvements in treadmill times.
Eat to live 6 week challenge plan, no more "lifestyle 90% plan" with 90% excellent and 10% whatever.
At least 64 ounces of cold water per day. Cold because some sources say that cold water helps with weight loss, and because that's how I prefer my H2O.
If I do these things, I can go on my cruise knowing I did everything possible to be my best self for vacation. I will also fit into some cute capris that I'm almost in but not quite and that means more spending $ :)
Sunday, May 08, 2011
I had a slumber party last night. A grown up, pajama wearing, movie watching slumber party. 8 grownups and 6 dogs chilling out, having fun and eating junk food.
Yes, the dogs ate junk food, but only when my back was turned. It's my own fault, the vat of chex mix was at eye level on the coffee table, and if I can't resist how can I expect Remy to say no to the buttery crunchtastic goodness?
*I made a vat of chex mix, and while I resisted at first, I had some. Probably 2 handfuls.
*Some popcorn that was NOT clean, nor was it particularly low fat. Actually, it was Jiffy Pop, that fun stuff you swish around on the stove, and it was not even in the low fat ballpark, but I digress.
*6 Double Stuff Oreos. So far away from clean that it can't even see clean.
*Handfuls of Lay's potato chips. I estimate 4 or 5 ounces of those bad boys.
*A small amount (a few tablespoons) of sour cream based chip dips, mostly because it is hard to get it right without tasting it (pathetic excuse!), and it tasted good, so I had a bit more when I realized that oh, yes, this does taste quite tasty.
End result is that I doubled my usual caloric intake. I am ok with that. I tracked it all, I was honest about it, I laughed about it and I enjoyed it.
I got on the scale this morning and was ready to flinch, but the scale was the same today as yesterday, which shocked me because I thought the salt alone would have caused a 5 pound bump, but not so much. :) I stood there, ready to take my punishment like a man, and it didn't come. Maybe tomorrow.
So, I had fun watching movies with my friends and Hubbylicious. I had some food that was not exactly healthful, and it tasted good, but I am not going to feel guilty. Guilt about food leads to bad things. Very bad things. Like a size 24 ginormo hind end, weighing 311 pounds and self loathing. I've been hardcore about my intake for weeks, I chose to step away for one evening, and I'm back today.
This morning we made breakfast for our slumber party peeps. Cheesy scrambled eggs, organic blueberry pancakes made with almond and oat milks, bacon, sausage, hash browns and Cinnabon cinnamon rolls.
I had half a cup of fresh mango, a large navel orange, some hash browns and three 3 inch organic vegan blueberry pancakes. In the past, one shit meal would have been the beginning of the death spiral of my health plans. Well, I was bad last night and today, miracle of all miracles, today I was right back on track. I also did not exercise yesterday or today, due to Mr. Evil Great-Toe, and that's OK too. My legs have not fallen off, my arms still work, my gut is still large, my ass is still wide... all is right with the world.
I'm not trying to convince myself. It really is OK to eat a bad meal and take two whole days off in a row from exercise. I mean hell, I spent the last decade eating bad meals and never exercising, so how bad could this two day stretch be? I haven't hopped in the car, driven to the nearest grocery store and started eating the discount Easter candy straight from the package while standing in the aisle and cramming Peeps in my pockets. I haven't sucked the innards out of a dozen Cadbury eggs while hiding in a closet, nor have I devoured a bag of Chili Cheese Fritos and licked the inside of the bag. I'm OK! I'm not imploding. I'm not cramming chocolate in my gaping maw until I explode. I AM OK.
I did something off my plan. Two somethings, if we are counting, three if each day of not exercising counts as a separate count on the indictment. I will not feel guilty, I will not binge because I think the diet death spiral has started, nope, won't do it. Call Ripley's because I did those "bad" things and today I'm right back on plan. Doing the right things, moving in the right direction, taking care of myself, that's what I'm doing.
In other news, I bought myself my 20 pound weight loss goodies... a gym sized container of my L'Occitane Verbena perfume and a refill package of Verbena shower gel.
I then arrive home, only to realize that I clearly am not a math genius and I'm actually NOT down 20 pounds, I am down 19.6 pounds. I better not use my reward presents until get that .4 pounds off, I can't stand the thought of jinxing myself. I may have to hide them until the official 20 pound celebration can officially commence.
The ill gotten gains:
Don't you even dare say those ounces don't matter, ask anyone who has worked their hiney off for a week eating right and exercising only to lose 4 ounces for the week. That 4/10ths (fine, 2/5ths, math geeks) of one pound certainly does matter!
Saturday, May 07, 2011
So far in this journey of 3-4 weeks I have had many opportunities to learn. I even bothered to learn on several occasions, fancy that. I don't mean to sound preachy, if I do, you can say shut up, ignore me, quit reading, etc. It's ok, I won't be offended. It's not like people want health advice from Jumbo Jane.
Anyway, here are a few things I have picked up:
1. A hardcore detox for a few weeks (in my case no caffeine, no meat, no eggs, no dairy, no added salt, sugar or oil, and no processed foods) makes the journey to good health a lot easier. I'll be honest, the first week sucked and I wanted to gnaw my arm off, I had no idea you could have withdrawal from processed foods and sugar. The second week was better, only my fingers-not the entire arm-were in danger. By the beginning of the third week I had more energy, no cravings induced by food and the weight was falling off. At this point, eating clean is just what I do, I don't have to give it much thought any more.
Here's the thing, I was eating foods that caused me to crave crap. I honestly thought that I needed to join Overeaters Anonymous, when really I needed to give up eating crap, which made me crave crap. High fructose corn syrup is the biggie of these foods that cause me to eat badly. Humans are designed to love sweet and salty fatty things. There is a reason that junk food contains lots of fat, sugar and salt. There is a reason you have trouble resisting things with that combo package of death.
I'm not saying I don't have food cravings, I do, especially when I have PMS or stress, but they are about 10% of the cravings I was having pre-detox. They are also far easier to ignore and cope with, because I can generally isolate the cause and the emotional motivation behind the cravings.
2. I still pile my plate up with food and I need to stop that. Luckily, I am able to stop when I am full, but I'm going to have to buy a smaller plate or something. I'm still dishing food up like a fatty. This is a problem I must get under control ASAP.
3. My best diet advice: Add 1-2 pounds of raw and cooked non-starchy veggies to your diet. Less than 200 calories will keep you from eating thousands of calories in bad food, will make you feel satisfied more quickly, and lots of other fun things.
4. "Your boob to tummy ratio has changed". My weight is coming off in a unequal fashion... according to my husband my gut and my boobs are both smaller, but my boobs have gotten smaller faster. Luckily, he said this with a smile, not some cheesy look of boob mourning.
5. I bought 12 new bras in January. I actually sat in the car and cried because I was so upset with myself for spending $240 bucks (mega sale) on bras, even though I didn't have a single one that didn't stab me in the pit with the underwire or belong in the trash. Today, I'm too small for 4 of them, and I will probably be too small for all of them within a month or so. I thought I would be upset by the wasted money, but I'm pretty thrilled.
I can't wait until nothing in my entire closet fits and I am forced to give it all away. I will end up with a pair of jeans, a pair of khaki's and one other pair of pants and a few mix and match shirts to get through to the next size and I'm totally ok with that. Empty closet = major victory.
6. Give up added salt and sugar and you won't need it or want it within 2 weeks. Yeah, right. Hah! Well, it is true for me! Whodathunkit? Same is true with grease. I can't believe it myself but french fries taste too salty and slimy with grease. It's like a Mother's Day Miracle... McDonalds french fries taste like salty cardboard dipped in grease.
7. I now realize that in the past, during unsuccessful attempts to lose weight, I was missing 2 important things:
a) SparkPeople--the support, the daily feedback, the accountability, the support, the friends, the support, the trackers, the friends. :)
b) The Detox. Can't say enough about the detox.
8. I don't have to view working out as a punishment. It can be fun. I like to dance around the house with the GaGa so loud the windows rattle looking absolutely absurd. I enjoy taking new and different classes, making playlists for my IPod, harassing friends to join me, etc. make working out much more fun. Next on the list: yoga, pilates, racquetball and kickboxing.
9. I can't drag people with me on the journey, I mean let's be serious here, fat people are HEAVY. You can't make people do the right things for their health no matter how much you love or care about them, but you can inspire those who are genuinely interested in making changes. Choose who you want to spend your time on wisely.
10. Have one really good tip that you believe in to share with people. For me, it is the 1-2 pounds of fruit and veggies thing. It's multipurpose, you can share info with those who care and for those who don't and are just asking for the sake of asking you have a 10 second blurb to share and move on to another unrelated topic.
11. I weigh 291. I'm willing to share that with you, and be proud of that, but I will not be sharing that information at work or anywhere else. I only tell my husband because I'm winning this week, I've got him beat by at least 5 pounds. Teehee. At work they will get a # of pounds lost. :) That 291 number is so huge that it makes me flinch, so you know it makes skinny people react in horror.
12. I laugh at myself on a daily basis, and not in an unkind way. You must laugh at yourself, you must laugh at the situation you are in and at the size of your butt because crying will not help. Cry, feel bad, feed on junk, cry cuz you are fat, feel bad, feed, repeat. Laugh about it, move forward, the end.
13. Don't weigh yourself during PMS. Not only will the scale be bonkers, but see the bit about crying above.
14. Your pets, kids and spouse/SO may be your biggest cheerleaders/helpers/workout partners if you invite them in. If they are not, don't discuss your efforts with them. In the end, this is about you. Besides, if you have great danes like me, it is way easier to walk faster when they drag you down the road.
15. Perfection is pretty much impossible and aiming for it may make you nuts. A perfect day may be possible. A perfect year, not so much. Perfect your ability to start over after a bad day, not your ability to criticize yourself from small imperfections.
16. My internal voice sounds like self-hate so I developed a mantra. When I start thinking, I'm fat I'm gross I'm disgusting I'm fat I'm gross I'm disgusting, I try to mindfully switch to the mantra. Mine is, "You are headed in the right direction, good job."
17. Screw the scale. Name yours something ridiculous like I did (Captain PoopyPants), get rid of it, hide it, whatever you need to do, but do not be intimidated by an inanimate object. You know whether you are doing the right thing before you get on the scale, you are just hoping for results you didn't earn or hoping that it doesn't reflect some sort of off plan behavior. Stop. If it hinders your efforts stop. Period.
18. I will never be thin fast enough. We all want to be thin tomorrow, but the simple fact is it may be hundreds or even a thousand tomorrows before that happens. I keep reminding myself that I will be forty in two years, I can be forty and thin or forty and fat, so I picked the one that sounded like a better way to spend the rest of my life.
19. A recent study came out that said obese people have less enjoyment of sex. My first reaction to this was "No shit, Sherlock, how many millions did that worthless excuse for a study cost the American taxpayer?" How could sex not be better if you don't have a full body jiggle going on? How could sex not be better if you weren't afraid of having a cardiac arrest while making the two-backed beast? Have you ever picked up a thong and said to yourself, "there should be a law against thongs in my size!" I have.
20. I believe that the processed food industry, like the nicotine industry, figured out how to make their product more addictive. I believe that these companies want to sell as much food as possible that is made as cheaply as possible, and if it will make you obese, so be it, as long as you keep buying.
21. I really like it here.
22. I accept no excuses from myself. Eat too much at breakfast? Eat less at lunch. Eat too many calories today? Exercise longer tomorrow. Legs broken? Sit in a chair and do aerobics. Eating well too expensive? Grow a frickin' garden with a buck in seeds and a five gallon bucket. You have two choices, find ways to fail or find ways to succeed.
23. I plan to succeed. Every Sunday night I spend at least an hour setting out five days worth of gym clothes, gym towels, work clothes, underwear and socks. Every night I pack my lunch. That way at O dark thirty, I have no excuses.
24. I don't have all the answers. I'm 156 pounds from my goal weight, so I clearly have problems of my own. I just have no intentions of failing.
25. My goals are important. I'm envious of those who have goals that are like "I'd like to run my next 5k in 22 minutes instead of 23." Ok, I'm not envious, I'm a green eyed jealous monster who wants to flip them the bird and say go to hell, but only because I know it will probably take two years before I am able to have a goal like that without it being laughable.
26. I need to learn how to make a green smoothie, even though they sound revolting.
27. There is no high fructose corn syrup in any of the products available at Whole Foods. If you want corn syrup, you have to go to the baking aisle and buy Karo, because they don't have it anywhere else.
What have you learned? I would love to hear your best tips and advice.
Friday, May 06, 2011
I made a plate of food for dinner. 100% on plan, totally Eat to Live friendly. My usual random assortment of veggies and protein. 6 ounces of tempeh with buffalo marinade, 5 slices of eggplant, a roasted beet, 2 cups of brussels sprouts, 1/2 cup fingerling potatoes and half an artichoke. I have more than enough calories left for the day to mow down on all of that food.
Here is what is left after I ate:
Left is the carcass of an artichoke, 1 cup of brussels sprouts, 3 slices of eggplant and 3 ounces of tempeh. I may prepare a plate portioned for a fat girl, but I'm turning into a thin girl in my actions and appetite. Check it: I stopped when I felt full, I ate slowly, I ate what sounded good and I gave my food all of my attention. Ok, that last part was a lie, but I gave it no less than 50% of my attention while I watched Castle.
Woot Woot! Paul McKenna would be at least 75% proud of me.
Progress is being made!
Friday, May 06, 2011
So here is the scoop: toe is fixed. Toe will never again need fixing because he got treated with some acid, and not the fun kind from the 70's either.
So Toe Pick (don't tell me you have not seen the movie The Cutting Edge, I may cry) is currently numb and bandaged, but I've been told that about 4pm I will start to realize Toe of Evil is still there and has been put through the ringer today. It was really strange, Mr. Satan Toe was totally numb for the procedure, but my heart was going a mile a minute and about to pound right out of my chest. Funny how your body knows even what your brain doesn't feel.
See my ugly feetus:
Anywho, a week with no pool, and a warning that getting on the treadmill in the next week could slow my healing process, but I was free to do as I saw fit and to let pain be the limiting factor. Seriously? I'm a fatty who is finally having some weight loss success, what do you think I'm going to do? Of course I'm going to suck it up and get my heart rate up. Pain will decide if I do it on a treadmill, a stationary bike, etc etc.
I was a wimp in the pool today. My ipod died (low battery), by goggles kept coming apart at the nose piece, and my heart wasn't in it. I kept thinking about the pain I was going to feel (which honestly wasn't that bad at all) and just couldn't get my head in the game. So 30 lengths of the pool was all I did, I'm going to try not to feel too bad about that.
In better news I found someone who is willing to give me racquetball lessons. Oddly enough, this person is not the "free instructor included with gym membership" that does not seem to exist, this person is my cube mate at work PLUS his apartment complex has a court that is free to use. WOOT! So now I have to decide if I want to buy the $15 racquet they have at Target, or something different. I'm thinking the Target one, if I like it I can always upgrade.
I'm supposed to "take it easy this weekend", so of course I decided this morning to have a grown up (I originally typed "adult" but that gave a wrong sort of impression) slumber party sleep over movie marathon and I texted invites to tons of my peeps. It is so last minute that I expect to have a 10% return on my texting investment, but that's ok, more popcorn for me.
We will be screening John Hughes films, except there is a ban on Home Alone and the Princess Bride gets honorary John Hughes status just because. 16 Candles, Breakfast Club, Some Kind of Wonderful, Pretty In Pink, Weird Science, Career Opportunities and Ferris Bueller's Day Off are all fair game.
Perhaps this can be a warm up for the Harry Potter Marathon that will have to happen before 7.2 comes out. Double WOOT WOOT!
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