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Goals Goals Goals... It's Time For Goals!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

When I had a goal of walking a quarter marathon, I walked.
When I had a goal of swimming from Alcatraz to the mainland (until it sold out and I missed out) I swam.
When I was headed toward my 20 year class reunion and hating the idea that I was soooo heavy, I lost weight.

It's strange. I set a goal, I work toward the goal and *gasp* I accomplish things. It's just astonishing. *eye roll*

It's time to reboot my reboot, which was totally hosed by my work getting in the way (it's hard to reboot when you don't have time even have time for adequate sleep). Time to get the show back on the road!

I'm not giving up. I'm not giving in. I may be up a few pounds, but in the immortal words of Lindsey Buckingham (I saw him live a few weeks ago) "I'm Never Going Back Again". It sounds better when he sings it than when I say it.

The point is that this is a marathon, not a sprint. A half marathon, a slow marathon, but a marathon kind of deal all the same.

I started this whole thing, mentally at least, about 13 months ago. At that time I was a dirty smoker. I couldn't swim more than 2 lengths at a time and 15-20 total. I weighed over 300 pounds. I was headed toward shopping at Omar the Tent Maker's Clothing Emporium. My self esteem was total crap. I felt like a failure as a female for my inability to get knocked up. On and on and on. You should have heard my internal monologue... actually, I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.

Anywho, I'm up a few pounds, but relative to this time last year, I'm seeing wins all around.

I did a quarter marathon this year. WIN. I couldn't do 3.2 mph for an entire hour before.
I can swim a mile without batting an eye and I've had to buy a new smaller suit. WINNNNNNNN.
I have tried yoga and Zumba and running and spinning and kickboxing.
I've learned that my skin and my hair and my mood are all improved by "eating clean."
With the exception of a lovely cigar last month, I'm smoke free and not quite irrationally pleased about it. Insanely pleased, but not irrationally. :)
Did I mention that I actually like exercising? Seriously. This is a stunning development and may result in some sort of "we interrupt this programming" kind of event. Seriously. I like to exercise. Whodathunkit? Check it: I miss exercise when I can't do it. Freakish, huh?
I've done some intensive internal work on how I talk to myself. A lot. It was harder than getting my large self on the treadmill at unholy hours, but I did it. I'm prouder of that than I am of the smaller pant size.

So as much as I am completely underwhelmed by my current stall and small gain, I'm pretty freaking overjoyed when I compare today with this time last year. (If you know me at all, you know that it can be really hard for me to set aside my overachiever ways and look at the bright side, so this is a major accomplishment.)

Digress, digress, digress.... as usual. Ooooh, shiny things.

I need goals, big ones. Little ones. Meaningful ones. Motivating goals. I need to have a goal that is important enough to me that when I think about it, I put down the fork. A goal that helps me say, "No thank you, I'd rather not have that delicious cupcake, sprinkled with cracktacular goodness of indescribable tonguejoy, I'd prefer to be thin."

So, here is a partial list for 2012, which I will need to add on to rather extensively:

5Ks. Lots of them. Warm ones, cold ones, fast ones, slow errrr, faster ones, lots of ones where I don't have to dodge people with strollers. 5ks for good causes. 5ks for silly reasons (we have a dead celebrity run around here somewhere).

I'd will jog/run an entire 5k in 2012 without having a massive heart attack and dying or wetting myself during the race.

Half marathon, I may not run/jog the whole thing, but I'm doing one. Preferably The Pig in Cincy. It's possible, Pig. (Slipping Princess Bride references into my writing whenever humanly possible isn't ADD, it's just who I am.)

Swim from Alcatraz to the mainland. I'd like to do the Sharkfest, but with school and such I'm going to take what I can get on whatever date I can get it.

Weight that starts with a 1.

Be able to do a yoga inversion. A cool one. One that makes me feel all yogini and such. A handstandy type one maybe. The kind of thing that makes new yoga people look at more experienced yoga people and think, "I could never do that."

I want my belly to be far smaller, so it quits getting in the way of yoga poses.

I intend to meet some Spark peeps, who may be disappointed that I'm not funny in person. Has anyone heard of a meetup for 2012?

My final goal is to fail miserably at all of my weight loss goals in 2012. My biggest goal is to gain 10 pounds in 2012. I plan to fail, and be bigger around than I have been in my entire life. I intent to be ginormous in 2012. I plan to get pregnant.

Anyone else looking forward to 2012 with some goal setting?






  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PWAYLA 12/11/2011 6:10PM

    You might be surprised at your weight gain when you get pregnant. My experience with myself, friends and sisters, was bigger gals often gain significantly less -- I attribute this to 2 things: eating healthier and just being more in tune with my body. I gained 17 lbs with my son and a measly 11 with my daughter (and she was a 9 pound baby).... Best of luck with ALL of your goals for 2012!

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EMPTRS 11/27/2011 5:10PM

    Love that list! Can't wait to see your progress on them as you check them off!!!

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MONICA_W 11/24/2011 5:39PM

    Hey!

Congrats on all your successes to date - that's fantastic progress! Especially the mental goodness, that's really good stuff. And trying all the different types of activities! I like that.

You're a wonderful writer - very funny indeed - and I'm definitely subscribing to your blog! The "It's possible, pig" quote made me laugh out loud (for real, not just the "LOL" kind). I'm sure you're just as funny in person.

I love that you're aiming for lots of 5k's and maybe even a half! I became a (somewhat podgy) runner about the same time I joined Spark (both were waaaaay long ago) and I love love love it. Doing a half will change your world! (Just go slow - that's the secret.) Here's wishing you the very best luck with it all: no dying or wetting yourself, 5k or half or any length of race.

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LILLIANH13 11/24/2011 7:51AM

    I love the reboot the reboot. So much of this reminds
me of things I need to do myself.

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LILLI56 11/23/2011 11:59PM

    Every time I got pregnant, I ate more healthy, and I lost weight. My last child (who is now 31) I started at 168, and when I went for the last appt before his birth and I weighed 174. I went home from the hospital weighing less than I did when I got pregnant. Now what happened later when I gained all that weight and then some. Good luck with all your goals. You inspire me, I think I will sit down after Thanksgiving and make a list of my goals too. Thanks Jen

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DAWNFIRE72 11/23/2011 11:34PM

    Loved your blog. Good luck in 2012 with all those goals and have fun with the trying to get pregnant (if at first you don't succeed try try again emoticon)

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JMACLIVES 11/23/2011 7:48PM

    I love your attitude, it's filled with SUCCESS emoticon

Stand strong with the voices in your head, sounds like you have them in line. Slow and steady does it.



emoticon

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KOOKYKEL 11/23/2011 5:50PM

    Excellent blog, I wish you every success with your goals and I think I should start thinking of some of my own!


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BRANDI.FEY 11/23/2011 5:34PM

    Great goals!

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SERENAJL 11/23/2011 4:05PM

    Great blog! I also need utterly and completely goals.

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WILDASTER 11/23/2011 3:25PM

    What a great Blog, You have so much to be proud of you are an athlete and you care about your body and take care of it.

I hope you do have a baby next year!! I loved being pregnant, it was so easy to say no to the things that would "not be good for baby". It can be hard from some people, I had pretty good pregnancies. And there is that sweet ending where you hold that little one for the very first time!

Great goals, I need to set mine yet too. I have goals for finishing out the year, but I haven't set my new year goals yet. Thanks for the reminder!!

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TROPICALFISHI 11/23/2011 3:00PM

    A goal that helps me say, "No thank you, I'd rather not have that delicious cupcake, sprinkled with cracktacular goodness of indescribable tonguejoy, I'd prefer to be thin."
This made me laugh SO HARD!!! thank you!
And I agree with the goal setting. Good luck with your goals!! emoticon

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UNLIKELY 11/23/2011 2:50PM

  I want my belly to be far smaller, so it quits getting in the way of yoga poses


--HA!!!! Don't I know that feeling!!!!

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1DORENDA 11/23/2011 1:50PM

    You are just so funny and I bet you would be in person as well. Go for all those goals with gusto. I know you can do it. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

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FLYING2007 11/23/2011 11:33AM

    You go Girl!!!

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MINERVASPARKING 11/23/2011 11:01AM

    LOVE! All these goal blogs are making me think I should really be considering some 2012 goals myself. I think I may be joining you in wanting an epic FAIL at the end of 2012 with reaching my weight loss goals. :D Here's hoping! CHEERS!
emoticon

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DRAMAJLN 11/23/2011 10:35AM

    My goal for 2012 is to reach my fitness/weight goal and then successfully transition to the maintenance stage of weight loss. My next goal is to set some challenging and realistic fitness goals for the year. I know, ironic to have a goal to set goals, but there it is.

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BRITTHORT9 11/23/2011 10:04AM

  YAYAY! Great blog!!

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SHUTTERSKYE 11/23/2011 8:19AM

    emoticon

this was a nice read! really inspirational!

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CORINNEMOMMY 11/23/2011 7:22AM

    emoticon

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MYORKE2 11/23/2011 6:31AM

    Thanks for helping me realize that despite gaining back 4 of the 5 lbs that i lost and losing my focus, I can get it back...have a wonderful Thanksgiving! emoticon

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MARYHENNIG 11/22/2011 11:55PM

  emoticon

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TAKACSR 11/22/2011 10:06PM

    M favorite was the goal of have a smaller tummy so it won't get in the way of your yoga poses! My hips got in the way of some of my half-plank poses today. Oh well ... I was still lifting twice the weight of most of the girls in my class! I'd like to see them try it! You go girl!

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SAVANNAHZMOMMA1 11/22/2011 10:05PM

    I think I will set a measurable goal! Yea! This is a fun blog!

emoticon

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JANELCMS 11/22/2011 8:28PM

    Awesome blog. I totally feel you. I so hope that you reach your goal of being ginormous by the end of 12.

I am on this journey because of my little ones. It sounds like you are on your journey for your future little ones.

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MINDA31807 11/22/2011 7:19PM

    Excellent goals.
I don't know if you have heard of Chalene Johnson's 30 day Accountability challenge. It is all about setting goals, becoming more accountable and succeeding at life. I did it in January, and even though I stopped doing most of the after 3 months, I have still completed 7 of my 10 goals I wrote down the first week of this year. Reading your blog made me think of the challenge and the fact that I signed up for her newest challenge related to her book coming out in January.

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LOSINGITALL4ME 11/22/2011 5:52PM

    Great blog! Thanks for sharing!

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ANGIEDENISE1 11/22/2011 3:44PM

    Great blog!!! U can do it!!! :)

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WARMSTRONG2 11/22/2011 2:19PM

  Terrific blog.

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CWHEATLEY 11/22/2011 1:26PM

    emoticon for writing such an inspirational blog! You are an amazing person!

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FLCRACKER6171 11/22/2011 1:01PM

    emoticon

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JSPIN74 11/22/2011 12:38PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAGSMO 11/22/2011 10:53AM

    I laughed through your whole blog and then cried at the end - I hope you accomplish everything you are setting out to do.

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KRISTEN_SAYS 11/22/2011 10:47AM

    Good luck with everything! Great blog!

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QUEENMABE 11/22/2011 9:32AM

  You've inspired me

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LADYBUG546 11/22/2011 8:23AM

    Awesome blog.... why not stretch and be flexible this 2012 year...by this I mean incorporate yoga maybe or to stretch further than you ever have run that 10k as you know deep down you can run the entire thing....see it is Shoot for the moon but if you fall amongst the stars you stretched and learned to to be flexible with it.

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PHOENIX43 11/22/2011 8:18AM

    I'm a goal junkie. My family is considering an intervention. I just can't help myself. Maybe my new goal should be to cut back on new goals. emoticon

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MILLERGIRL719 11/22/2011 6:43AM

    Awesome blog! Awesome way you "put yourself out there!" My goals? Run a 5K on pavement...I can do it on a treadmill, although it takes me a while to recover. I might even try it in public again....although last time I came in DEAD LAST!! HUMILIATING! Oh well, we work to overcome whatever we want to overcome....thanks for all your words! Go get 'em!!!

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LORENVER 11/22/2011 5:57AM

    It is good to have goals! I am starting to work on my 2012 goals. It is going to be a great year!

LV

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DBFBILLY 11/22/2011 4:40AM

    Great goals!! Do you live near Cincy? I live in Cincy and have wanted to walk the Pig., but don't have any interested parties.If you want a partner to walk it with you, count me in

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Happy Thanksgiving

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEAN0202 11/22/2011 4:17AM

    This was so great to read! Thanks for sharing! The way you write reminds me of the way I think a little :P Keep up the great work, and you can definitely achieve your goals! I will definitely have to set some for myself after reading this! emoticon emoticon

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KPETSCHE 11/22/2011 3:11AM

    I love your observations and revelations. Great goal setting for next year - hope you meet them all! It's been a great 2011 for you so keep it going.
emoticon

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NDKARIKARI 11/21/2011 11:33PM

    great goals. I like the way you write :)
YOU CAN DO IT!

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REENIE131 11/21/2011 9:46PM

    Awesome goals, I hope you hit them all! You've also inspired me to think about my 2012 goals. I know that one of them is a half marathon in April, but I need more!

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B00KWRM 11/21/2011 9:37PM

  emoticonVery inspiring emoticon

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KIPPER15 11/21/2011 9:20PM

    Love your blogs. You can do this. emoticon emoticon

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AHNAZEE 11/21/2011 8:46PM

    oh yeah yoga belly: bound side angle pose, anyone? I'll settle for just being able to touch my rear to my heels in child's pose. I'm lying, I won't settle. I soon as I can do that I'll move on to another goal. My goal is that I will move on with a sense of accomplishment, and not just a denial of my awesomeness which has me focus only on the things further down the road. To that negativity I say, Stop it now and I mean it!(Anybody want a peanut?) emoticon

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FITFORMYFAMILY 11/21/2011 8:37PM

    You inspire me. emoticon

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TIFFY0906 11/21/2011 8:14PM

    emoticon - Great goals for 2012

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EMMALEIGHB 11/21/2011 8:03PM

    you can so get this! Can't wait for new goal this year!

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My Day 4/7. Mostly not weight loss related.

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Woke Up at 0730 on sleep in day. Boo! But feeling perky all the same.

Perkily decided $110 was too much to spend on having my hair colored. Colored hair myself.

Went to hot yoga. Sad that tomorrow's advanced class is cancelled, happy to be at hot yoga.

Had horrific foot cramps (this has happened before) the first 25 minutes of class.

Realization: Not hydrating well enough means foot cramps. May also need calcium supplement to make cramps stop. In words of yoga instructor, "not everybody gets cramps in the same place, for you it may be your feet, for someone else, it may be their hamstrings."

Take new vehicle for "complimentary" car wash (complimentary may be a stretch when you consider how much a car costs).

While waiting for car to be washed, spot self in mirror. Immediately call salon and beg for assistance.

Salon Appointment: $158 for "corrective color action" to somewhat fix my hair.

Lunch @ PF Chang's with Mom and Sister and Nephew Eli and behave myself eating low fat items. Mom and sister refrain from hair remarks under threat of death.

Reflect on hair fixing genius and her statement, "I bet you're never going to do this again."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TENACIOUSTRISH 12/14/2011 6:39AM

    emoticon

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JQUIBELL 11/24/2011 9:16AM

    Bahahahaha!!!
I can laugh because I've been there! emoticon

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FITTINGIN130 11/18/2011 11:00AM

    How's the hair these days?

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NATARSHAD 11/17/2011 10:56AM

    I suffer from cramps too and I hydrate, but maybe not enough. I have also suffered from a bad at-home hair coloring job. I think you have a great way of dealing with things. Keep Sparking!

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VERONICA41190 11/16/2011 12:37AM

    I didn't read through comments, so I may be repeating, but more potassium will also help with cramping. My mom struggles with cramps and she actually takes a prescribed potassium supplement. And of course, as you said, HYDRATE!

P.S. I'm a hairstylist and have witnessed, corrected, and even done to myself, the potential horrors of at-home color. You are not alone!

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BARBIETEC 11/13/2011 6:13AM

    hehehe.. you are so funny :)

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LADYVOLSFAN1954 11/13/2011 1:23AM

    emoticon

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LUCIFERASE_GLOW 11/10/2011 9:55PM

    I have been there before, and about the same cost. (ouch) I keep hearing about hot yoga, I should find a studio near me...

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BMCKEOW1 11/9/2011 1:39PM

    Been there done that to my hair. I try to make sure I have plenty of water in my system and if I think I might even cramp a little I eat a banana. I swear it helps every time, but maybe that's just for me. :)

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ATLHOTTIE 11/8/2011 8:03AM

    Hang in there Jenn emoticon

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TRACYZABELLE 11/7/2011 7:34AM

    I am sure you won't try that again!! BUmmer!

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STFRENCH 11/6/2011 7:44PM

    Great blog as usual!

And I'm sorry but I had to emoticon at the DIY dye job mishap!
Hope it's all better now! emoticon

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CORINNAW71 11/6/2011 6:28PM

    I'm glad that you are blogging 7 days in a row! I find your blogs, entertaining, funny and real! :) I really enjoy them!!!

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JEANNETTE59 11/6/2011 11:52AM

  Foods rich in Potassium should help with the cramping: bananas; cantaloupe; sweet potatoes; pumpkin; all varieties of yellow or orange squash. emoticon

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LUCKYPRESENCE 11/6/2011 10:27AM

    I have had my share of hair dying mishaps!! I usually end up at the salon trying to get it fixed too!! The worst was when I decided to go jet black. The color looked nice, but my hair was totally fried. I have fine hair, and it seems to break really easily and the harsh black chemical treatment was a big no no. Plus, people started telling me I looked like Joan Jett. That was kinda strange ;)
I notice a lot more cramping if I don't stretch before and after workouts really well. So, I spend the extra time gettin my stretch on to avoid those nasty cramps. I was un blessed with grossly muscular calves and that is where I get bad charlie horses!! emoticon

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KATHIERAE 11/6/2011 10:16AM

    Another reason to love my short hair, I color it myself ALL the time with few problems. Except when the purple wouldn't take the first time... emoticon I did prevail!

Is it just a cramp, or is it a full on charlie horse type cramp that grabs and won't let go?? My foot doc prescribed something and crap if I can remember the name of it now!! will search the memory banks and get back to ya...

But ya, calcium, magnesium and water seem to be the big three...

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LUVDOGZ 11/6/2011 9:25AM

    Sounds like a good day, especially the hot yoga! I have always been afraid of doing my hair myself, you just confirmed it, lol! My Mom swears by eating a banana when ever she feels leg cramps. You are doing great!

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MINIUM 11/6/2011 9:05AM

    I'm sorry about your hair incident... But I bet you'll be able to hide it under that cute hat of yours, the one in your profile picture.


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WILD4STARS 11/6/2011 9:04AM

    I have a friend who spends more every year getting her hair "corrected" than I spend getting my hair colored. Every time she swears "I've learned my lesson." But then somewhere along the line she's at it again!

Happy Sunday and Happy Sparking
emoticonVikki

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TEACHLIZARD 11/6/2011 7:32AM

    Understand the self color - I tried myself - for years. Now it is one of my few splurges I do allow myself. I'm a true strawberry blonde and that's a really hard color to keep.

My yoga instructor mentioned to another classmate of mine that gets cramps that coconut water will help .... haven't gotten cramps (yet) to try it out - hopefully don't ever have too emoticon

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You always make me feel good about my journey and remind me I am not in this alone!

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TINAJANE76 11/6/2011 5:58AM

    DIY hair color always seems like a good idea and a money saver but the damage it can do to your hair isn't worth it, especially if you need to get it corrected. It took me almost two years to totally grow out a bad DIY job and the breakage it caused. I'd rather go to a pro and have it done less frequently. If you get thinner highlights, the regrowth is tolerable and you can go at least four months between touch ups. I'm almost at two months and they're not bugging me at all yet.

I also frequently get cramps, but in my calves and usually at night. Bananas and lots of water seem to do the trick and lessen the day after soreness.

Keep up the great work and the awesome blogs. You're doing so well!

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ADVENTURESEEKER 11/6/2011 1:47AM

    Yaye to yoga, boo to cancelled yoga, and LOL to DIY hair colouring mistake! emoticon

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XXO-CARLY 11/6/2011 1:21AM

    Haha i think we've all been in that boat! Last summer i thought i could "save money" by dying my hair MYSELF. NOPE!! Ended up going the next day for color correction, which not only left my hair in bad health, but turned it fire engine red, then had to fix it with more hair dye! Ended up costing around the same as yours!
Cheers to wanting to D.I.Y!

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RYDERB 11/6/2011 12:00AM

    I'm so glad you didn't do too much damage. I tried dying my own hair once, and even though the box said it would leave my hair in "better condition" than before I colored it, it was a huge LIE! My hair broke off in chunks! emoticon NEVER EVER again.
Other than the hair mishap it sounds like you had a great day! emoticon

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CANNIE50 11/5/2011 11:27PM

    Well, see, there is a benefit to me not having your gorgeous hair - it's hard to tell if I mess up my color because, unless I happen to accidentally die it orange or yellow or some other color not known to Mother Nature, it just looks a little more "bleh" than usual. I'm so impressed that you do hot yoga. I always associate cramping with lack of potassium/ low sodium - maybe you should eat a salted banana before class? Ew, if I do say so myself. emoticon

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 11/5/2011 10:57PM

    I won't ever color my own hair - you're braver than me! :) At least it got fixed. Awesome! :)

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HHB4181 11/5/2011 10:38PM

    you were brave to do your hair on your own, and clearly should not have been a hair stylist. also good job admitting your mistakes.
emoticon for picking low fat items at pf chang's

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MONETRUBY 11/5/2011 10:25PM

    emoticon

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MISSLISA1973 11/5/2011 10:24PM

    emoticon

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LODESTONE 11/5/2011 10:21PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CROWDGOESWILD 11/5/2011 10:07PM

    Have I mentioned the time that I attempted to dye my own hair and the result was Bozo the Clown red?

WTG with the good choices at PF Chang!

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ISIS10884 11/5/2011 9:53PM

    emoticon

My husband usually dyes my hair, but I think for the holiday season, I'll treat myself to a more professional cut and color... I don't normally...

Next time you spot yourself in the mirror, just think, "Damn, I'm hot!"

emoticon

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JICASMOM 11/5/2011 9:53PM

    So often I think... 'eh, I'll just do it myself! The boxes make it look so easy and reaaaaaaaallly... How hard can it be?' and then I wus out and never do it BECAUSE I remember when I was 16 and I ha the same thoughts and I remember THE MESS I MADE of myself.... Oh you poor thing. I k ow exactly how you feel and then to still have to go sit in the chair to get it fixed anyway... Ugh...

I bet you look lovelier than before! You're beautiful swimmer/yoga girl!!

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YIWEN39 11/5/2011 9:52PM

    No pics of the before/after coloring? No? Really? emoticon
Glad you enjoyed your day despite that little... accident emoticon

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CELLISTA1 11/5/2011 9:45PM

    Oh, yeah, never do your own hair color. LOL
emoticon

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TERRYT55 11/5/2011 9:44PM

    I remember my sister's first week away at college when she called me in tears. She decided to color her hair......it came out green if I remember correctly. It was supposed to be blond.

Happy your stylist was able to do some "corrective color action" emoticon

I am trying to get up the courage to take a hot yoga class......well, any yoga class.
Good for you.

Hope you have a wonderful Sunday!

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MOSTMOM1 11/5/2011 9:43PM

    emoticon

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JENN26POINT2 11/5/2011 9:43PM

    As the sister of a stylist, I laugh at you. Sounds like u had a pretty decent day despite the bad color experience. Enjoy your night!

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Today's Successes and One Depressing Realization 3/7

Friday, November 04, 2011

Almost forgot to blog today, after I said I would (try) for 7 days straight. So my first success is remembering to blog.

I acquired a gel seat for bike riding. My butt made me do it. I figure it can't hurt, and since eleventy billion Sparkers said it was a good idea, the $10 seemed like a small price to pay for butt relief. I violated my personal code of ethics by buying the dang thing in a store that I have sworn to not shop in, so this should tell you how much my hindquarters are barking.

I ate all vegan all day today and yesterday, which is a good thing, mostly because I hate myself for at least five days after having a non-vegan meal. Why you ask? Because my pits stink for 5 freaking days. No animal products = pits like angel farts. Animal products = stinky body. I never noticed before doing the Eat to Live thing, but now I do. Same thing with poo, if you were wondering, which I highly doubt.

Unfortunately realization #1.

I have to stop eating in restaurants. Period. I think my new rule shall be "if you can't track it, don't eat it." Or maybe I should just limit myself to one restaurant meal a week. I could save bazillions of dollars and spend it all on some awesome thing that I can't live without to be determined at a later date. Hmmmm. I bet if I quit chowing in restaurants long enough I could buy something nutty like a bike rack for my car. It might take a whole week or two, at the rate that I've been inhaling crack-food from fat pushers.

Anywho, I think restaurant eating is a big part of my weight stall, because unless I'm eating some low fat low calorie soup at Panera (which is still unholy high in sodium) I'm eating far more calories than I should.

Seriously, vegan or not, all restaurants make their food tasted yummylicious the same way--they add fat, and sugar, and more fat, and white flour and salt, some fat, maybe some MSG and then a sprinkle of, you guessed it, fat. This is a problem for my giant butt. The giant butt problem is that I don't want to have a giant butt, and restaurants are getting in the way. Fact. I hate this realization. I love restaurants. I love "perfect oatmeal" from Starbucks with a grande Awake tea soy latte with vanilla syrup. I love Szechuan green beans with tofu. I love all kinds of stuff that is really derailing my progress. I love vegetarian spring rolls and fried rice and apparently I love anything that can clog my arteries or make me ginormously fat. Boo. Booooooooooo. Don't even get me started on Pei Wei.

Dear fatty restaurant food,

I don't love you enough to stay fat the rest of my life to have you.

Sincerely,

Jenn's Giant Ass


I think I've known this whole restaurant thing all along and chose to ignore it. No more denying it, besides, my fridge full of freggies is a waste if I don't eat at home.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FRITO_PIE 11/23/2011 9:23AM

    Catching up here, been away for a while... but it is too true about Eat to Live! And I believe I have you to thank for introducing me to that amazing book - THANKS!

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ARABHORSELOVER1 11/13/2011 8:49PM

    I too struggle with eating out. The food is not all that good, too expensive, and terrible unhealthy despite any claims to health. I'd rather not eat out. When I do, it tends to be a business-related activity or pure laziness on my part. It is too bad really, healthy food tastes great is prepared properly.

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PENOWOK 11/11/2011 8:37PM

    I love the "if you can't track it, don't eat it!" I live in a smaller community but we do have 2-3 "bigger name" restaurants, like Perkins, Applebees and Chili's. Yeah, I know....nobody knows either of them. Anyway, my husband offered to take me out to Chili's for dinner. Since we rarely go out to eat, I said yes. Wow! The low fat meal....(choke, gasp) was like 720 calories and full of sodium, fat and other junk! Fortunately, even though I didn't know it ahead of time, I cut it in half and took half home. After I looked it up, I told my husband to eat it for lunch the next day and he nicely acquiesced. Needless to say, I am totally agreeing...if you don't know it ahead of time, don't do it!!! Ack! Besides, our home cooked meals have more vitamins and are soooo much healthier for us!!! We shall overcome!

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FLYOVERSTATE 11/11/2011 5:12PM

  I know that since I have started SP I have noticed that if I don't diligently pre plan all meals I tend to go way over board no matter how good my intentions are. This blog is so funny because I have had the very same realization, When I know I will be going out for supper I always worry about what I can eat and not feel bad about later. (I live in a small town where menus are not posted on line.)
thanks for the awesome blog
molly

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WORKINGSTIFF 11/11/2011 8:38AM

    And thus the dilemma with eating out...what appears to be healthy most likely is not.

Thanks for sharing your lessons with us.



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CANDACE28 11/11/2011 8:09AM

    I love this blog! Hope you have a great day!


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DIANECOOKE 11/11/2011 3:13AM

    emoticon

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OAKSHAVEN 11/11/2011 12:29AM

    I think we need to start an organization called Restaurants Anonymous. I am also addicted to them, and they are so bad for me. Even when I try to order something reasonably healthy, I often get fooled by the language. Last night it was chicken and shrimp cajun pasta. Doesn't sound all that bad, does it? It was absolutely swimming in fat. Don't know why. It would have tasted better without the oil. Going to try to reinvent it at home, and keep it reasonable. A Tbsp of oil would have been great, but there must have been 1/3 cup of it lying on my plate after I had eaten.

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MSHUFFNPUFFN 11/11/2011 12:00AM

    OMG!! HeeHee! Rock on!

emoticon

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REBECCA431 11/10/2011 5:23PM

    We limit eating out to one meal a week...except this week while my kitchen is under reform. It really helps to look up what I'm going to eat prior.

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SEAJESS 11/10/2011 3:31PM

    Wow, the light just went on with "If you can't track it, don't eat it."

How simple and effective is THAT?

Adding this to my guiding principles right away.

Extra side of veggies, please!

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ARROW868 11/10/2011 3:16PM

    Great blog!

Restaurant meals are pure EVIL!

I also follow the advice of MSPRIS3 and try to find the restaurant on the web first. Then I can look through all the nutritional information and decide what I am eating before I even get there.




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FUNNYSUNNY123 11/10/2011 12:48PM

    I love this blog! Especially the note from your butt. Hilarious! (PS- I eat vegan, too.)

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ASHAIXIM 11/9/2011 8:15PM

    LM(fat)AO!!

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MSPRIS3 11/9/2011 3:25PM

    Great blog.

When eating out, I try to get the nutritional info from the web before I go, that way I can pick the best item on the menu before I even get there,

Works most of the time!

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EUNIQ3 11/9/2011 1:27PM

    loved the blog.

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APHRODITE2GO 11/9/2011 12:12PM

    emoticon Great points made and full of humour!

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 11/9/2011 10:44AM

    "if you can't track it, don't eat it."

Absofreakin' lutely correct. Unless you are willing to deal with a stall or a gain.

Whenever there is uncertainty about how to track something I almost always experience a stall or gain. This is part of what makes travelling so hard.

As for the restaurant stuff, it would be a big deal if I were to eat out one meal a week. That right there might cause an overall gain or at least a plateau for me. I maybe eat out one meal a month, these days...

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GRRARRGH 11/9/2011 8:46AM

    Great blog. I'm trying to make the conversion to eating at home more, too, and it's hard. You don't realize how much you rely on food being made for you and the leftovers until you try to take them away from yourself. Good Luck!

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MOMTHENURSE 11/9/2011 4:24AM

    "No animal products = pits like angel farts. Animal products = stinky body." emoticon

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STRENGTH2BEATMS 11/8/2011 11:15PM

    this was an interesting post. after thinking about all the things you are saying, I never realized most of it. i mean, i know i like to go out and eat too, but, i never really realized how many excess calories i was taking in...even though i order "low-fat." thanks for opening my eyes!

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REENIE131 11/8/2011 6:45PM

    I think I know the restaurant thing too....it's just really hard to give up. :(

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1DORENDA 11/8/2011 3:18PM

    Yes - Restaurant food is great because it does taste soooo good. My favorite is a great filet, loaded baked potato, or even Mahi done Oscar style and of course wine...maybe an after dinner drink and desert. Who can eat like that without wine? Right... I have had to limit myself to about once every month and a half. And then believe it or not I track it. Man do you realize how many calories are in those kinds of meals? Then I kick myself if I gain 2 pounds over the course of the next 2 days (it always seems to happen that way). You just have to limit yourself to about once a month to month and a half. You can do it. You just have to ask yourself how important is it that you lose the booty...... Keep on working it hard you are doing great...

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KATV865 11/8/2011 2:48PM

    Great realization. This is something we all have to learn at some point or another. I'm still stumbling!

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SEAJESS 11/8/2011 12:11PM

    I love your clarity! The only way to dance with the tarbaby is... to walk away from the dance with the tarbaby!

Maybe some day I will eat in restaurants again. But for now it's just so much easier to cook well at home. More satisfying and a better value for my buck.

For those who may have missed it, SparkPeople had a comment about maintenance. (Yes, I'm studying ahead.....) It said that to be successful it may be necessary to develop goals other than weight loss ~ such as ethical eating.

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NATE-JANINE 11/8/2011 7:20AM

    Hit the nail on the head once again, Thanks for sharing.

Go away saboteurs... emoticon

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CAROLZ1967 11/8/2011 7:17AM

    I see your points & we all have to make our own decisions, but I will always believe in moderation. For me, if I cut out all the yummy stuff, yes...higher in fat than recommended, etc., I would NEVER be able to maintain it for a true lifestyle change. And actually, it might even hurt my efforts b/c if I was able to stick to it for a week or two, I'd be so miserable that I'd most likely throw in the towel & give up, claiming "I'm a failure!" And if I slipped up every once in awhile, I'd again, feel like a failure! (If that's the bar I set for myself.) So for me, everything in moderation is much more realistic & ENJOYABLE long term. I lived my first 40 years of life constantly hard on myself, always worried about how I looked, hard my body, had unrealistic expectations & I don't want to live like that anymore. Sure, I've improved my diet & eat much healthier than before. But I'm never going to cut out every "bad food" or it will make "living" no fun! Moderation is so key...for most people anyway, to be successful long term. Just another way to look at.

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THEIS58 11/8/2011 6:39AM

    emoticon

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LIZAPO 11/8/2011 5:34AM

  YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND RIGHT ABOUT THE RESTAURANT FOOD=EVIL

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KORABELLA 11/8/2011 3:54AM

    I used to feel just like this, until I started cooking. I mean, really cooking. Now I make all kinds of things you can't find in most restaurants and I actually look forward to making dinner every day! Find a cookbook with new recipes (I love the Sparkcook book, for starters, or the cooking lite book, or the comfort food diet book) and make a trip to the grocery store to make enough meals for a week. Now, I've reached my unsolicited advice quota for the day ;) Good luck! emoticon

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DWILCZKO 11/8/2011 12:08AM

  so true!

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CATHOLICCORGI 11/7/2011 9:01PM

    Thank you for the much needed laugh, and for the motivation to STOP eating at restaurants! You are SO right...if I can't track it, I can't eat it!
emoticon

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KLONG8 11/7/2011 6:55PM

    You were just under the wire. And yes, restaurant meals are TRICKY. Even if you think "I'll just eat half" they make it so crack tasty that it's VERY difficult to just say "that's enough for me." I'm with you on this one.

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DIANECOOKE 11/7/2011 6:35PM

    lol

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JACKIESJ 11/7/2011 4:43PM

    Tru Dat!

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BRITTHORT9 11/7/2011 3:28PM

  Great post!

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PRODUCERMISSY 11/7/2011 1:48PM

    Good post! MSG = devil for me.

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GREENEYES2020 11/7/2011 12:06PM

    So true! I also need to start limiting my restaurant food. I hate trying to track that stuff! It's a huge pain if it's not a chain with nutrition facts online. Plus I usually have a heart attack just seeing how most of those dishes are over 1000 calories a plate! Ahhhh!

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PHOENIX43 11/7/2011 12:02PM

    Good Morning Jenn's Ass,
I just discovered (during a panic attack induced by my children's request to eat at Red Robin for dinner) that many restaurants now have an online calorie calculator that you can use to decide what you can safely order.
We don't eat out often either. I like to know exactly what I'm putting in my body.
Speaking of bodies, let me know if the gel seat works. My behind feels like I've been vigorously squeezing golf balls between my cheeks after my spin classes. Ouch.
Take care!

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PHOENIX43 11/7/2011 12:02PM

    Good Morning Jenn's Ass,
I just discovered (during a panic attack induced by my children's request to eat at Red Robin for dinner) that many restaurants now have an online calorie calculator that you can use to decide what you can safely order.
We don't eat out often either. I like to know exactly what I'm putting in my body.
Speaking of bodies, let me know if the gel seat works. My behind feels like I've been vigorously squeezing golf balls between my cheeks after my spin classes. Ouch.
Take care!

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BUCKEYEBABE30 11/7/2011 11:35AM

  I have a one time a week resteraunt rule. It saves money, and it also cuts down on fast food because my one day a week I want at a real "sit down" resteraunt!

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JULIAANDERSON 11/7/2011 11:28AM

    Funny, Funny, Funny
congrats on remembering your goal

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BECCABOO127 11/7/2011 8:35AM

    Great blog!

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AZURELITE 11/7/2011 7:56AM

    emoticon emoticon
Waving goodbye to restaurant food is a good thing to do!!


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MIDGIEDAWN2 11/7/2011 7:46AM

    I feel your pain. After working 12-15 hours I just don't want to cook. I drug my crock pot back out and in when chicken breast and veggies so slow simmer and taste yummy. That will be dinner for the next three weeks. Thankfully I don't get stinky pits from animal products. I'm not strong enough to go vegan or even vegetarian.

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LAURIE-RN 11/7/2011 6:52AM

    I know what you mean about restaurant food vs having control at home. When I don't eat out, I have extra money at home and my weight is easier to maintain. When I eat out, it's more expensive and my weight creeps up. Great blog!

Laurie emoticon

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MODESTASHEGETS 11/6/2011 11:11PM

    Two things.

One, I didn't know that about body smells vs diet. Cool fact of the day! Thank you!

Two, the eating out thing, I totally get. That is why I keep falling off the wagon. I work for a doctor's office and those god forsaken drug reps bring me yummy, delicious, expensive, horribly bad for you food almost every day. So you see P.F. Chang's Great Wall of Chocolate Cake and think "why waste that? It is $5 for a piece at the restaurant. And it's all free for you!" Or "Why waste money on buying gross sandwich stuff that is wholly unsatisfying when you can have free Abuelos mexican food! That's wasteful when there are starving children in Africa!" You don't ever think about how much money you are going to spend on blood pressure medication or doctors bills or your coffin when you finally eat yourself into an early grave. It's all that immediate gratification. You are exactly right. It's like crack. And mine comes from an actual drug-pusher!

Wow. This comment kinda developed a life of it's own. But great post! I enjoyed your insight.

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MARYHENNIG 11/6/2011 7:47PM

  Too funny!

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BRANDIANN23 11/6/2011 5:17PM

    Planning out dinners is fun for me, especially if it's a super yummy one; I then have something to look forward to by the end of the crazy day : )

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BLOOMING52 11/6/2011 3:36PM

    emoticon

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

The Immutable Laws of Fat: Facts of Weight Loss. 2/7

Thursday, November 03, 2011

So today I shared a true fact of weight loss with a friend, and she looked at me like I was a weight loss messiah, a SuperJenn, a veritable Jenn Craig with a different last name, so I wanted to share the factoid with you.

Here we go, it's a goodie, so hold on, here it comes...

**When buying Halloween candy for distribution to oddly dressed minors, buy candy you don't like. That way, if there is some left over, there is no temptation.

See, I'm a bleeping genius!!!

So how did you like that? Pretty impressive, wasn't it? But wait, I have more!

**The vast majority of adults can't tell the difference between hunger and thirst, therefore it is a good idea to stay well hydrated throughout the day and when in doubt, have a big fat glass of water 20 minutes before a meal. (Medical fact isn't nearly as much fun as Halloween candy tips).

**TMI factoid: your pee should be very light yellow/colorless and clear if you are well hydrated.


But wait, there is more! If you act now, you can get another tip at the amazing rate of only $19.99, shipping and handling are extra!

One of my favorites:

**Take a salad to a potluck/carry-in/work buffet. That way you have no excuses for mashing naughty food into your face when you can start out by piling a plate with salad (or some other healthy dish).

Ok, so I shared my tips. Do you have some? I'd like to hear them! Really, I would.
The problem with tips is that sometimes it is hard to know if they are true or bogus.

I'm totally guilty of hearing a tip and doing a search of medical literature to see if it has a foundation in fact. For example: Drink coconut water, it is high in potassium and in a pinch you can use it as an IV fluid. Now doesn't that sound like a tip that came flying out of the bull$hit factory? Well, it's actually true. I hope I never get a coconut infusion. Ever.

Starvation mode? Largely a product of the behind of a large mammal named a bull, but also involves a long and detailed argument that I don't want to enter into here.

Some I haven't researched or haven't made up my mind about:

I'd love to know if the one about not losing weight as quickly if you swim as when you burn the same number of calories doing other exercise is true.

Does working out in the am really mean you burn more calories all day? (I hope so)

Is it true that being on your period means your metabolism is in high gear? (I doubt it)

Is it true most women can only gain about a pound of muscle a month, so the whole "you're gaining muscle" argument is largely for making cowpies?

Anyway, share your tip, I'd love to hear them. Pretty please? With no aspartame on top? I promise I won't search for them in the medical journals, unless they seem absurd, and then I will search, but I won't tell anyone.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGELABAUER 11/21/2011 6:12PM

    I'd love to know if the one about not losing weight as quickly if you swim as when you burn the same number of calories doing other exercise is true."

I actually read that you burn MORE calories in the pool doing the same amount of work because your body has to work harder to stay warm. Of course, this thermal load theory is from the same person who extrapolates it to "if you put an ice pack on your back for 30 minutes a day or take ice baths you will lose weight super fast." Its from "The 4 hour Body" and he has all kinds of kooky ideas. But the pool temp thing makes logical sense so I kinda believe that part.

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MELLYBEANS0919 11/18/2011 1:27PM

    Great tips Jenn! I am happy to be catching up on all your blogs again!

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DOITNOW49 11/11/2011 1:21PM

    Interesting questions. According to this page, with an aggressive strength training program and proper eating to support it (which may mean not diet-level calories), women can gain up to 1/2 lb muscle a week (up to a point).

http://www.livestron
g.com/article/284688-how-much-m
uscle-can-a-women-gain-in-a-wee
k/

Glad that your question sent me looking-- I never knew much about how to actually gain muscle-- I always thought it just happened.

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JESSICAMARSHALL 11/11/2011 12:02PM

    emoticon for sharing!

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LWESTCOTT 11/9/2011 2:30PM

    You should totally research this "fact" because I'm dying to know if its true: Accelerate your weight loss by cutting carbs after 2pm.

Love your blog!

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SALSIFY 11/8/2011 8:17AM

    My tip is that if we want to lose weight then it's easier to not put the calories in rather than putting in the calories and then having to exercise a lot to use them up again. It's the First Law of Thermodynamics - Conservation of Energy. I find I can operate fine at around 1,200 cals.

BUT, in order to maintain the weight loss, we need to exercise and be active - so we might as well establish these habits early. Because people maintaining weight loss without exercise are so rare they're a statistical anomaly. Also, there are loads of other health benefits to do with exercise.

However, as I'm still losing & have never yet managed to maintain even 1oz of weight loss in the past - this is all theoretical still for me.

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TMSONNENBERG 11/7/2011 12:11PM

  I honestly think that If you exercise in the AM you do burn more calories. When I work out in the morning I'm more motivated to get up and more around more. When I wait til later in the day I don't feel so active. So... I think there is some truth to burning more calories in the morning. I also heard that splitting your workout into two separate times helps burn more calories also. One of my favorites "myth" is eating ice. My grandma eats it to lower her blood sugar. I love it because it keeps my mouth occupied while buring calories at the same time. Love your blog!

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CHRISTINCOTA86 11/6/2011 7:06PM

    I will say that the day before I start my period, I tend to clean like a mad-woman. My mom did the same thing. But once I do start, I'm not worth 2 cents!

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KAREBARE506 11/6/2011 10:46AM

    I've just discovered your blog and love it! Just a note about swimming: I don't know if it is true or not but the majority of my weight lost was from me eating healthy and swimming every single day. I live in Az so we get a long swim season here ;)

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FROGGGY13 11/6/2011 2:41AM

    Track and be mindful of both your eating and exercise. The rest is details - there are actually many ways of eating and activity that will result in losing. It is when I eat mindlessly that I start gaining, that's my one simple truth.

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CHANGING-TURTLE 11/5/2011 11:22PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MRSTERCCERO 11/5/2011 9:50PM

    *secret* I love when my pee is clear! It makes me feel like I am clean on the inside!
Here is an oldie but a goody- Park farther away from the store, use stairs not elevators, and if you are lucky like me I am able to ride my bike to work instead of taking the streetcar.
When I want something sweet I eat a banana. I feel like they are filling and curb my sweet tooth.


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CATHEMARIE 11/5/2011 9:37PM

    emoticon

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PJSTRATMANN 11/5/2011 8:21PM

    After reading enough material on nutrition and exercise to fill a small library over the past twenty years, I was recently caught off guard when a trainer told me that weight loss is really 80% nutrition and 20% exercise. My mind still doesn't want to connect with this information. Even if I eat super clean, my biggest results come when I exercise like a mad woman.

Comment edited on: 11/5/2011 8:28:31 PM

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SPABUNNIE 11/5/2011 7:04PM

    My Tip: I read it somewhere and it is my mantra, whenever I feel myself waiver I say to myself!
"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!" emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/5/2011 7:05:54 PM

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EMPTRS 11/5/2011 5:43PM

    LOVED reading through these tips!!! I keep my water bottle with me at ALL times in order to keep myself hydrated and NOT eating!!!

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MARKSTIPANOVSKY 11/5/2011 5:42PM

    Set some rules around food and drink - formalise them and then review every week. If they don't work for you then change them into ones that work for you - the simpler the better.

I have 7 rules and they work for me. I journal every day and know the secret "fact" of weight loss. Calories in versus calories out - simple and actually works. What normally doesn't work is our ability to count...

Selective amnesia is normally the order of the day...

Good luck with reaching your goals and staying focused...

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FRIENDOFBACH 11/5/2011 4:17PM

  Try becoming a vegan. It is a lot easier to lose weight if you don't eat any meat or dairy!
emoticon

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KIRSTDOESLIFE 11/5/2011 3:43PM

    Don't go grocery shopping hungry, you are more likely to buy crap you don't need or want

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KIPPER15 11/5/2011 2:53PM

    The other way to have Halloween candy in the house is to be short and have a very tall husband who puts things out of reach. I have a fear of heights, so to climb on the top step of my 3 step stool scares me. It works with potatoe chips too:) emoticon

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IFFYIFFY 11/5/2011 2:08PM

    Most people are not able to put on a pound of muscle a month. A guy on a good weight lifting program might put on 9 pounds of muscle in a year.



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KRISTEN_SAYS 11/5/2011 11:15AM

    Strength training is just as important as cardio! The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn naturally.

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MILLIE5522 11/5/2011 10:30AM

    I've just discovered a great way to avoid temptation while waiting for the kettle to boil (a perennial problem). While its boiling do a jog on the spot! I can hear you laughing, but hey if it keeps me away from the fridge and I will be burning a few extra calories AND toning up my butt and thighs I shall continue to do it! emoticon= emoticon= emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/5/2011 10:31:39 AM

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PAWSINAZ 11/5/2011 9:54AM

    I read some place that diet and exercise is 98% of the battle, the other 2% is hormonal balance: but without the the 2% the 98% will fail.

Get a full hormone panel done. I have gain 30 pounds in a matter of weeks, three years of trying every diet, my former doctor thought 2 1/2 hours of exercise a day was reasonable (good thing I don't work)and monthly visits to the doctor to report my failures. I changed doctors.

I found out all my hormones were off.

The new doctor did an extended thyroid panel, because I was on thyroid meds but my labs shown up as normal and I was still have thyroid symptoms. The old doc was going to take me off the meds. The full panel showed, my body does makes all the thyroid hormones except for the T3 uptake. My body was making but not using the T3 thyroid hormone. She increased my meds...the first month I lost 5 pounds!

My adrenal glands weren't functioning properly, I'm now on supplements

I also found out my estrogen and testosterone levels were both below 5. I'm on natural hormone replacement for that too.

I feel like a new person and I am FINALLY seeing results! My muscles are coming back, I have energy and I am finally losing weight.

If you are doing everything "right" and you are not seeing results. The thyroid is the keeper of bodily functions, it's important to make sure your thyroid is 100%...not only for weight lost but for all the other things the thyroid controls (lipids and sugar levels, blood pressure, bone health). Chances are if you have a sugar or lipid issue....you have a thyroid issue too. Find a doctor that will listen and get am extended hormone panel done.

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SPOONGIRLDEB 11/5/2011 8:23AM

    Halloween tip: Don't buy candy at all! I buy lots of little toys and temporary Halloween tattoos and eyeball gum from OrientalTrading.com. The kids love it, it last until next year when I don't get very many trick-or-treaters, and no calories!!!!

Chocolate craving tip: Kashi dark chocolate almond granola bars - 130 cal, whole grains, dark chocolate, tasty and sooooo satisfying!

Re: swimming vs other exercise - calories are calories so I can't image you would lose weight less quickly with swimming....BUT do make sure you are doing some exercise that stresses the skeleton (i.e. walking, running, weight lifting) to keep your bones strong! Don't want to lose weight by losing mineral mass :-).

Keep up the good work!

emoticon

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KATHIERAE 11/5/2011 4:37AM

    swimming is one of THE best cardio exercises because it is easy on the joints AND is built in resistance training all in one. And who cares how many calories one type burns over another anyway--DOing it as opposed to NOT doing it is what counts!!

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VEEJAY3 11/4/2011 11:59PM

    My tip for the day is adding you as a friend. You are such a fun writer and I love the way your quirky mind works.

And for the record: for some reason, I lose MORE weight when I swim than when I choose other cardio ... but absolute tops is weight-lifting. Which I hate to do. But I do do. And that's no "do-do." It's true.
emoticon

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TAYGRL 11/4/2011 10:39PM

    yep that is one thing i am trying to do MUCH less of.

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MINIUM 11/4/2011 5:40PM

    I love eating and I could do so all day long... So I've found out this amazing fact: you can eat lots of veggies stick and still lose weight. I carry carrot sticks with me almost everywhere. Shredded food is wonderful too because it makes my mind believe I'm eating a lot when it's only 20g of hard cheese.
I just love your style! Keep up the good work!
PS: I can't find 'cowpie' in my dictionary - what does it mean?

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SARARAH 11/4/2011 4:34PM

    Blaming weight gain on muscle gain - yes, this is mostly a myth. However, weight stall on muscle gain is legit. I've been doing some intense resistance training for the last month and I haven't lost that much weight (maybe 2-3 lbs) but I can feel the difference in the way my pants/shirts fit, and I'm almost down two notches on my belt.

People say "muscle weighs more than fat" which is a physical impossibility. Muscle is more DENSE than fat, so you can be losing fat & gaining muscle & staying the same weight but losing inches.

One thing that has aggravated me lately is the "carbs at night" myth. There is no science to support it!

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CANNIE50 11/4/2011 3:13PM

    I am devoted to Strength Training and I NEVER attribute weight gain to muscle. I can see that my biceps are more defined (about the only muscle that is visible due to me still carrying extra insulation). I know that the ONLY thing that will ever get me to a healthy comfortable weight for my body, will be consuming less food. I S.T. because it does lend some toning (which I don't see but others comment on) and, mainly, because so much of this journey feels out of my control, and makes me feel weak (i.e. Halloween candy). By lifting weights, I feel strong and in control and as if I am actually getting somewhere, not just waiting around for my flipping fat to melt off and go away. Lifting weights does for me what yoga does for most people, it calms my mind. I know a body with more muscle burns more fuel but I don't strength train with the idea that I will ever be able to "eat everything I want". Thanks for blogging - your blogs are a treat.

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DDOORN 11/4/2011 3:12PM

    Get your workout done 1st thing in the morning so that nothing else can get in the way of it!

Don

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KGIRL160 11/4/2011 1:04PM

    When having a chocolate craving attack - I indulge in a 110 calorie cup of hot cocoa.. fixes me up without fattening me up.

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KGIRL160 11/4/2011 1:04PM

    When having a chocolate craving attack - I indulge in a 110 calorie cup of hot cocoa.. fixes me up without fattening me up.

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CAROLYN_ROSE 11/4/2011 11:50AM

    I've never heard about your metobolism speeding up when yuo have your period. But I do know you burn more calories than usual when working out on your period!

You can gain way more than one pound of muscle in a month. My gym has a uber fancy scale that measures how much muscle you have and I've gained a lot of muscle in a month.

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PGNBRI 11/4/2011 11:09AM

    Staying well hydrated and not bringing junk into the house are big ones for me. One of the hardest for me to learn though was you DON'T have to finish what you've been served! Whether at a restaurant, or what you served yourself at home. Take your time, and when you're full, STOP. No one will die because you didn't finish what was on your plate. Not even the starving children in whatever country. Really.

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KRISTINN03 11/4/2011 11:03AM

    I don't have a tip, but I do like the idea of bringing a salad to potlucks! Usually I just bring something really sweet like brownies or cake, because I'm pretty sure when my wisdom teeth got pulled they extracted my sweet tooth also, so I don't even think about touching whatever I bring. And any that is left over goes to friends or family. Salad is a better idea though...then I'm not shoving sweets into the faces of those around me.

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GOOFIERNU 11/4/2011 10:57AM

    I bought dollar store bubble gum to hand out to Trick or Treaters. I can't chew gum right now because of my braces.

Whenever we go to a potluck thingy, I usually take a fruit or veggie tray. I eat from that for the first 30 minutes or so... then allow myself to look over the other options.

If it's not in the house, I can't eat it. While this is a good one, I work at a different house where I have no control except for what I bring for my own meals. And since this house has small children in it... (sigh...) and a father addicted to potato chips... (double sigh...)

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THEMIS27 11/4/2011 10:36AM

    The "gaining muscle" factoid is true. We gain muscle so ridiculously slowly. People brand new to weight lifting can gain a bit more easily, but that ability quickly deteriorates the more we lift. So yes, blaming weight gain on new muscle is largely for making cowpies. I have access to a study on it if you're interested.

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JOYCE12356 11/4/2011 9:42AM

    Here's an interesting one: "fidgeters" tend to be thinner than their non-fidgety counterparts.

So, I guess the theory is, if you're stuck sitting for a good portion of your day, you should fidget. It helps to burn extra calories.

My problem with this one is that I predominantly fidget right-handedly and right-leggedly. :) So, am I going to end up with a nice tight right arm and leg and be flabby on the left?

Now I have to learn how to be an ambidextrous fidgeter. Maybe that will help with some whacky theory on brain function too?
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BOOMAC1961 11/4/2011 9:15AM

    Great blog! No tip comes to mind right now but I sure have enjoyed reading yours and everyone else's. Great sense of humor! emoticon

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BLOSSOM2344 11/4/2011 9:14AM

    Halloween tip -don't buy candy, buy Halloween theme pencils, erasers, finger puppets, plactic rings and little toys (be careful about what you give the under 3 yrs old ghosts). The first year I did this, I felt a little guilty about not giving out sugar, right up until I heard 1 little princess running back down the walk yelling "Mommy! We got PENCILS!" She was so excited, and suddenly I was the cool house on the street!

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MIMIMOMOF3 11/4/2011 12:57AM

    Great Blog! My little thing that helps me not snack in between meals.... I chew extra sugar free gum. Every time I feel like going to find something to snack on I pop one or two pieces of gum in my mouth and then I don't even want to snack. Since soda is a big problem for me it also helps keep me from grabbing another soda because it tastes strange with spearmint flavored gum :)

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CHARL1ESMAMA 11/4/2011 12:38AM

    Thanks for the reminders. I hate it when people tell me that I gained muscle... So dumb! I don't even lift weights right now... just running LOL! (Running causes you to actually lose fat along with a little bit of muscle mass). People just repeat the soundbites they hear... Glad to see that you actually do the research! :)

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MONETRUBY 11/3/2011 11:30PM

    Well, if you insist...

My tip: Denial is just a river in Egypt. Which, I guess, should read DeNile, but anyway. Meaning, let yourself have a treat. Don't say *I cannot eat [insert evil yet delicious food here]*, because that's exactly what you're going to end up binging on at 2am, while planted in front of the fridge. Have some chocolate/ice cream/pie/whatever, just don't go crazy with it. Have SOME, not the whole package/carton/pie/whatever. If you just can't have it, due to binging concerns, find a substitute. Find something that can be a treat, so you don't feel deprived. Or denied. Or DeNiled.

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NUMD97 11/3/2011 10:48PM

    Segueying on what Moetr345 said below about pre-tracking: I'm finding that using basic staples for breakfast (cereal, usually, so I can horde the calorie allowance for dinner) and lunch (loading with salads and a lot of veggies to get those done, too), I can be more liberal and varied with dinner.

When I'm good, this usually works quite well.

The key for me is to be more consistently "good".

emoticon [still don't know what this emoticon is, but it seems to fit]

Nu

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MOETR345 11/3/2011 10:36PM

    Awesome blog! Great tips!

Mine (that I need to follow more often) is to pre-track my food for the day as much as possible. That way I don't start aimlessly rummaging through the pantry, but instead can use any "spare" calories to fill in any gaps in my nutrition, or have a small ice-cream guilt-free (knowing it fit in my ranges).

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TBANMAN 11/3/2011 9:48PM

    Here's a gooder:

If you don't buy tempting snack foods like potato chips, cookies, and chocolate, they won't be in your house so you won't eat them.

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I know, right? Freakin' genius right here folks.

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FITFORMYFAMILY 11/3/2011 9:36PM

    This is great! It was fun to read your blog and all of the comments.

My tip is for eating at restaurants. I sincerely think that they've figured out that keeping restaurants colder makes people more likely to order heavy, comfort food meals. If I order hot water with lemon before I order my meal, I feel more comfortable and find it easier to choose something lighter and better for my body.

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OJIBWEEQUAY 11/3/2011 9:05PM

    Hear anything on coconut oil reduces belly fat? The front desk girl at my gym bought some to take 2 tablespoons a day! I cook with it, never heaping tablespoons to whittle my middle! emoticon

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

My Butt Hurts & Other Good Things. 1/7

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

My butt is extremely displeased with me right now. Last night, in yoga, the instructor said "find your sit bones and root down into them." I think I heard a chortle from my sit bones when she said that. Or was it a scream? In reality, it was probably my butt saying @#$% you, since I presume my butt has the same potty mouth (pardon the pun) that I do.

My butt HURTS. Spinning, which I really like, is turning my butt into a source of pain and anguish. To be clear, my butt has never really been a source of sweetness and light, and it was producing death clouds yesterday, but it's never hurt like this. It's that seat. I've seen larger bananas. I've sat on more comfortable bricks. I think the Spinning seat people are sadists, gleefully designing smaller seats with less and less padding, pretending that Lance said it should be that way and we should all just shut up and be like Lance.

I went to the bike store and found the most padded shorts they offer. I about had an aneurysm and a heart attack at the same time when I realized they were $60, but I bought them. My butt made me do it. My butt threatened to do all sorts of unseemly and embaraassing things if I didn't put my debit card on the counter right that second and buy those extortion-priced diaper shorts. I did it.

It's slowly getting better. Each class my butt is a teeny-weeny-tiny-increment-of-pain better than previous. At this rate I should be pain free while Spinning in a year or so. My friends assure me that it won't take that long, but they are all jealous of me and my 265 pound butt that is begging for a bag of frozen peas, so they can't be trusted. No, they aren't really jealous, I made that part up.

My favorite part about spinning? Yoga! Spinning means I can go to yoga every day without sacrificing my goals. Part of my problem for the last 6 (8?) weeks is my new-found addiction to yoga. But yoga doesn't burn calories the way an hour on the treadmill or a spinning class does. Result? I'm bendy and happy and yoga glowy and maybe more toned, but I haven't lost a pound.

Yoga is doing great things for me emotionally, so I'm unwilling to give it up. Solution? Morning cardio. Swimming, Spinning and Treadmill, Oh My!

I was dry today at Spinning and didn't realize it. I was feeling kind of blah until I was half way through class and bam, I was feeling better than I had at the beginning and sweat started pouring out of me. I think it was the bottle and a half of water I had chugged hitting my system. That also explains why I felt off at yoga last night. DRINK! Must drink ample fluids. Doh!

So today is day one of project get my bruised butt in gear. Day 1 of my self imposed 7 day challenge. Someone recommended blogging each of those days, and I thought that was a good idea. It isn't like my fingers hurt, just my nether regions.


So far I'm doing great on the Great Jenn Reboot. 100 calorie almond pack. 1.25 Cups green peas, the starchy yummy ones. Cup of decaf Earl Grey (even though it is nearly impossible to get fantastic Earl Grey outside of England. I think this means I need to take a vacation to England! Shiny things. I digress. Oops. Sorry).

Anybody have one of those inflatable hemorrhoid cushions laying around that I can borrow? :)





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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MODESTASHEGETS 11/21/2011 11:27PM

    Ah, the internal monologue demons. I know them well. Congrats on the smaller swim suit size.

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STRENGTH2BEATMS 11/21/2011 3:40PM

    I know EXACTLY what you mean. When I took a spin class, my butt and inner thighs were hurting me for a while. I didn't know if I should continue with my butt being sore, but realized it gets better and there's no reason to put it aside. thanks for the laugh!! I am glad I am not the only one who experiences this kind of pain

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TEAGUE1612 11/8/2011 3:42AM

    Haha! Great Jenn Reboot. I like it. I could do with something along those lines me thinketh!

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LINDAJ0621 11/5/2011 2:18PM

    Glad to report my butt never hurts and I spin 2-3 times per week. However, my crotch area can become uncomfortable and my quads scream like crazy if I try to take classes 2 days in a row. Thank goodness, because spinning is my passion and I literally cannot stand to do any other cardio except the elliptical.
emoticon Good Luck!

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FUNNYSUNNY123 11/4/2011 10:39PM

    I'm a bit ADD and I loved this blog. (Oooh, shiny things.) I so understand.

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CUDDLYPOLARBEAR 11/4/2011 10:11PM

    Priceless....but so true

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KPETSCHE 11/4/2011 7:27PM

    I think I know for sure what NOT to do - spinning!! I have trouble on my Schwinn AirDyne. I love reading your blogs, Jenn. Thanks for the laughs.
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CRUZIN2LOSE 11/4/2011 7:06PM

    Thanks for the laughs and the great perspective on life. Maybe I'll even give spinning another try... Or Not! Have you tried Vinyassa (flow) yoga? You can get a great cardio burn going as well as all the other yoga benefits. Give it a try if you haven't already.
Have fun out there and continue to enjoy the journey! emoticon

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JULIAANDERSON 11/4/2011 5:04PM

    this is so funny that i found your blog today, I was just complaining to my hubby that may butt hurt so much from exercise that I can't even sit down!!!

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-CORAL- 11/4/2011 2:19PM

    I get worried that riding a bike too much would "toughen" the skin in that area, and well, I don't really like the thought of a leathery crotch. So I am kinda done biking lol.

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LITTLELILITH 11/4/2011 2:04PM

  I think you need something like this!: http://www.amazon.com/Bell-Relief-B
icycle-Seat-Cover/dp/B000AAYBLO


Or any removable gel-padded seat cushion. I found tons of them, from amazon to walmart, for around $15.

I, too, laughed out loud about their being bananas bigger than those seat cushions! I use the stationary bike at my gym for portions of my cardio, and those seats are evil (they make my butt, my crotch, and everything in between hurt!) emoticon I have resigned myself to only enjoying the recumbent bike, because it's the only one that doesn't hurt my butt.

Comment edited on: 11/4/2011 2:06:03 PM

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LODESTONE 11/4/2011 1:43PM

    After my first spinning class, I couldn't walk for a week. No one told me that when the instructor told you to kick the wheel up a quarter to half turn, that I could pretend! I had a few potty mouth comments for them! From there I progressed to getting my own bike for home. Never bought the padded shorts, but I did pilfer the gel padded seat from my hubby's bike. Usually, I do a 20-30 minute workout. Anything longer (from following the insane video that came with said bike) would burn the house down from the flaming language skills I have perfected over the years.
I so sympathize with the sore butt. Are you planning to do this every day, just to enjoy yoga without feeling like you've compromised?

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JEANNETTE59 11/4/2011 9:26AM

  Homemade or fat free reduces sodium broth, before dinner. Dress it up with herbs of your choice. I love chicken broth with a small amount of lemon juice and freshly ground pepper. Be sure to experiment with spices like curry powder, garlic and basil, etc. Serve hot enough that you have to eat or it slowly. It takes the edge off your hunger and tastes great.

Love your blog Jenn emoticon

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SURLYGIRL 11/4/2011 8:42AM

    I don't know ... I was spinning 1 - 2x a week for a year and never got used to the seat. I used to wear the padded shorts (yup I paid $60 for mine too) AND use a padded seat cushion ($15 from Walmart). I had to stop spinning b/c it was affecting my tailbone which no one could explain b/c I wasn't seating on my tailbone! A few hours after spinning I was in so much pain I couldn't even walk upright sometimes! So I stopped spinning and my tailbone recovered.

Hey Jen - Have you ever tried Full Body Circuits ? You combine Cardio with Resistance and your metabolism stays fired up for up to 24 hours afterward. It's a great workout and a great time saver.

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STPATTISON 11/4/2011 1:31AM

    Oh, I started crying silently (happy laughing crying)because I am at work,"I've seen larger bananas. I've sat on more comfortable bricks." Then I needed tissues and people thought I was upset...........
Happy hemorrhoid cushion hunting
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MISSLISA1973 11/4/2011 12:19AM

    You are so cute! Your way with words always makes me laugh! emoticon

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NDKARIKARI 11/3/2011 11:44PM

    you are absolutely hilarious and correct! I took one spinning class and my butt was in pain during the biking, and for days after. I didn't pause because of the spinning, I kept pausing because even with padding, my booty was on fire!

Best of luck and I hope it gets less and less painful. In the meantime, I am inspired by your dedication!

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CM_GARDNER78 11/3/2011 11:44PM

    HAHA Oh my aching bum! HAHA Love it!!!

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BLADAMS89 11/3/2011 9:36PM

    Haha You are so right about the butt pain. I a really short, so getting on the bike to begin with is rough, and then my big butt almost falls off the seat. It's so painful I stopped doing it. I might take it up again once I'm a little more in shape. You rock for sticking with it!

PS: You can probably order the Earl tea online. :) emoticon

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CHANGING-TURTLE 11/3/2011 8:44PM

    I CAN TOTALLY RELATE WHEN I STARTED ON MY BIKE MY BUTT HURT FOR DAYS NOW IT IS FINE emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MUSICALLYMINDED 11/3/2011 8:18PM

    I was thinking of taking up spinning...so I'm glad I read this!

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PROVERBS31JULIA 11/3/2011 6:33PM

    I'm so glad you wrote this, so I know to go buy me a tractor seat first , to cradle my sorry butt with a very wide seat before I ever take leave of my senses and go to spinning class. I'm hoping tractor seats are cheaper than $60 padded diaper shorts.

but oh yea, I like Yoga too.

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REENIE131 11/3/2011 6:30PM

    I swore that giving birth twice before I took up serious cycling toughened me up for the 50-100 mile bike tours I use to do. Not that I'm suggesting having a baby for training purposes, that would be....impractical :)

You'll get use to it, your butt will forgive you. Really. I swear.

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JEANNETTE59 11/3/2011 4:50PM

  Enjoy your Yoga Bliss you sure deserve it, while you suffer through "Battered Butt Syndrome."

emoticon bottoms-up

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SHIRE33 11/3/2011 3:59PM

    I'm off right this minute to spin class. I've been doing it a month today, and I can SO RELATE! I told my instructor that first night that Thursdays are being crossed Right Off The List of times my Hub can get frisky. :D



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WELSTEACH 11/3/2011 2:45PM

    Reboot? or Rebutt! emoticon

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NAVYMOM133 11/3/2011 2:44PM

    "I've seen larger bananas." Ah-HAHAHAHA!!!
Good for you, rock this up-coming 7-day challenge!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HEATHERSTEW 11/3/2011 2:00PM

    Uh, Hi! It's your stalker here.

BUY A GEL SEAT! Walmart $12. Your butt AND your HOO-HA will thank you!

Love
George C. Stalk

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LADYVOLSFAN1954 11/3/2011 1:56PM

    My butt hurts just reading about your spinning experience. Mine already hurts from less padding in the region which is good since that means I'm losing it somewhere. Oh yeah I found bones I didn't know I had too. Good luck on the spinning! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 11/3/2011 1:55PM

    You know, they make gel seat covers too... I'm surprised the bike shop where you got the shorts didn't mention it. (Or did you not tell them you are suffering from Spinning Butt?)

When I started I needed both the padded shorts AND the gel seat cover. I weighed about 270 at that point.

Hang in there. It DOES get better.

P.S. Of COURSE everyone's butt has a potty mouth. Just think about it.
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LOL

Comment edited on: 11/3/2011 1:56:12 PM

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HHB4181 11/3/2011 1:44PM

    the seat is brutal at first, but mine doesn't hurt anymore....?
maybe your butt is more sensitive? you should have a little chat with your butt about that....

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THEIS58 11/3/2011 1:33PM

    emoticon

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BRIAN36 11/3/2011 1:17PM

    I think you get butt calouses from spin class after awhile and it doesn't hurt anymore. I haven't checked, mind you. It's just a theory.

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BRITTHORT9 11/3/2011 12:50PM

  Nice blog! I have always wanted to try Yoga but I love spinning!!

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LUEYGIRL 11/3/2011 12:33PM

    You can also get a gel seat cover you can bring to spinning class and put on your bike. It helps!


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JOSEPH_I 11/3/2011 11:24AM

  Thanks for sharing, love your sense of humour. I've attended one Yoga session and didn't continue.

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ADVENTURESEEKER 11/3/2011 11:02AM

    LOL keep it up!

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SHFELKEY 11/3/2011 10:48AM

    I love your blogs. Keeping it real. emoticon

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BABYGIRL383236 11/3/2011 10:47AM

  Good Luck!!! You can make it through one step at a time. I am going to try spinning. Thanks to your post I will bring a cushion for the ride home. emoticon

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RUSSELLORAMA 11/3/2011 10:37AM

    I gave spinning a try and my nethers NEVER stopped hurting! I hope it's different for you. :)

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LOSINGITALL4ME 11/3/2011 10:34AM

    I needed a laugh this morning! Great!!

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PAWSINAZ 11/3/2011 10:26AM

    emoticon

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ERINCD 11/3/2011 10:23AM

    Your post cracked me up. Good luck!

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JLEMUS1 11/3/2011 10:13AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TWANGGIRL 11/3/2011 10:07AM

    I love your blogs! You're a hoot! And very inspirational. . . keep up the good work! (and don't listen to your butt!)


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CNIANE 11/3/2011 9:52AM

    Keep it up! Your butt will thank you later!

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ENCY23 11/3/2011 9:31AM

    I just love taking a ride on your stream of consciousness! Just love it!!! :)

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COWGIRL888 11/3/2011 9:23AM

    Potty mouth... heehee! emoticon

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CINNAMONCAT9 11/3/2011 8:42AM

    Yep, spinning is goooood.......ouch, I do understand your pain.

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JJJJ14 11/3/2011 8:10AM

    Thank you for the laugh this morning! Hope your butt feels better soon! emoticon

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