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What's The Freaking Problem?

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Burn more calories than you eat. Eat less calories than you burn. Calories In - Calories Out = Weight Loss/Weight Gain. There are lots of ways to say it, one way to do it. Eat less than your body requires. Period. The End.

So simple a caveman could do it, right? So what's the freaking problem? It's simple math! I mean really, could it be any more straightforward? Eat less, weigh less. Exercise to weigh less faster.

So why is weight loss so damn hard? How can such a simple thing be so freaking complicated? How is it that I can walk AND chew gum, but losing weight is like a monumental task? I can watch TV while rubbing one of the dogs. I can walk in a straight line and not fall down (mostly). I can even walk on a treadmill without falling off (as long as the movie playing is not "Couples Retreat"). I'm a moderately intelligent individual, in my not so humble opinion. I'm not stupid, if you ask my husband, who may or may not be afraid of me.

My logical brain says that any moron can figure this thing out, you don't need Weight Watchers. You don't need some expensive shake program, nor do you need your innards rerouted. IT'S SO EASY. I even know my own personal formula: Eat a clean, low fat, largely vegan diet that is rich in nutrients and void of empty calories. Don't drink calories unless it is green fruit smoothies. Eat between 1200 and 1600 calories per day. Do no less than 7 hours of cardio per week. Throw in some strength training for pretty arms and abs and butt cheeks. Do these things and lose weight so quickly and easily that it almost feels like cheating.

So what's the friggin' problem, genius?

It's my brain. The pinkish stuff between my ears. The place that contains my good habits (yippee for yoga addiction) my bad habits (stress eating) and my really self destructive habits (19 years as a smoker). The same brain that has stocked the fridge and cupboards with whole food that is mostly organic, without corn syrup, fresh and loaded with vitamins and minerals is the same one that has me eating bagels slathered with cream cheese. A bagel with cream cheese in the morning is like a recipe for a 3,000 calorie day. It opens the floodgates, and I know it, and I did it anyway.

My dang brain. The part that makes me so smart, the part that got me into grad school, the part that makes me interesting and unique and fun and irritating and sarcastic and has an amazing capacity to remember obscure words, is pretty much entirely to blame. It's not my gut, even though my gut is on my Sh4t list today because of the horrific smells emanating from that region due to my bean intake. It's not my mouth that chews food so efficiently and allows me to shovel the chow in at a breakneck pace. It's not my hands that can stuff amazing quantities into my gaping maw so very easily.

It's my brain.

The part of me that seems to think that food will make me feel better even though what I'm feeling isn't hunger.
The part of me that thinks all kinds of occasions are a good enough reason to eat too much, even though if you look hard enough you can pretty much find a birthday per day, at least if you have more than 2 friends on Facebook.
The part that prefers butter and steak and french fries to steamed veggies and beans.

My brain knows that after a week of being on plan I no longer crave crap, I have an overwhelming feeling of well being and all feels right with the world.

So why do I keep screwing things up and eating too many calories? Why do I eat things in the morning that I know will cause me to have insane levels of food cravings all day long? Why do I eat the food catered in at work when I have an "on plan" meal in the fridge? Why am I willing to sacrifice long term health and happiness for short term taste bud centered rewards?

My brain knows the facts:

*It's all about the food.

*Exercise is extra credit, food is where it is in the weight loss business.

*I can snarf down 4,000 calories in a few hours, but burning 4,000 in a day is the impossible dream.

*If you don't control your food, your weight will never be under control, Jenn.

(Again, what's the problem??)

It is time to stop being my own worst enemy. Not the terrible show that lasted for three episodes with Christian Slater, a true enemy, one that will steal years if not decades from my life.

Last week, in the pool, every time I did a lap I came up with a new mantra, affirmation, happy phrase, whatever you want to call it.

"I deserve to be thin"
"I will not be afraid of attention"
"I will not be afraid to be thin"
"I am worthy of being healthy"
"I have the right to be healthy"
"I'm not going to be afraid of compliments"
"It's ok to be smart and pretty"

and so on.

It is time to quit harming myself with food. It is time to quit using food like a drug. The time for being fat has passed.
There is a weight with a one in front in my future, and I plan to get there.

No more.

No more excuses.

Eat less food than my body requires. Period.

I am in control. I am my brain. I am in charge of my thoughts and actions. I am my brain and it is my obligation to stop my self destructive thoughts from becoming self destructive actions.

Maybe the hard work isn't getting on the bike at 0545, or the hopping on the treadmill after work, or even packing lunch when I'd rather go to bed. Maybe the hard work is getting all introspective and figuring out what drives me to self destruct and put a stop to it.

Anyway, I'm making a solemn vow to be 100% on plan for the next seven days. This will help clear my head (and get rid of the atrocious gas cloud that keeps coming out of my butt) and help me really examine what's going on. 7 days on plan will make the insane cravings go away.

I'm starting now. Not tomorrow morning. Now.

I'm tired of being enveloped in a 5-7 inch thick layer of fat. I'm tired of being a weight that starts with a 2. Most importantly, I'm still here. That means I'm still moving forward. I haven't given up.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SBNORMAL 11/19/2011 5:32AM

  I think you live in my head! I have had some of these same conversations and struggles!!

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MELLYBEANS0919 11/18/2011 1:33PM

    Great blog. I question myself too about why I do what I do.

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TJMOAG 11/7/2011 5:55PM

  I like reading your blog..simple and to the point!

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CHRIAMARIA1983 11/7/2011 12:43PM

    Bravo! I needed encouragement and knew exactly where to come. They last 2 months have been exteremly difficult. You always inspire me! I've had a good day today and I know that YOUR blog will get me through the rest of it! Thanks girl, you're awesome!

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DESERTFLOWERG 11/6/2011 10:57PM

    Fun post! now, Just Do It.

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SHANNONINAZ 11/6/2011 5:59PM

Kick @ss Jen!! We're all in the same boat girl!! WE CAN DO THIS!

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1BEACHWALKER 11/6/2011 2:06PM

    Great blog! Do I and so many other know the feeling!!! Just keep on Keeping on! emoticon

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WHOWANTSOLLIE 11/5/2011 9:58PM

    Flip no you haven't given up!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CATHEMARIE 11/5/2011 9:49PM


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SWIMMERGIRL0222 11/5/2011 11:45AM

    Thanks so much for writing this blog! I have been struggling with the same issues this past month. I am inspired and motivated :)

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GOALSONTRACK 11/4/2011 6:26PM

    Limiting beliefs are what's holding most people back.

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LODESTONE 11/4/2011 1:54PM

    I admire your way with words. You make us feel the frustration of rerouting our brain cells after years of crappy indoctrination into comfort foods. Your humor will help you reinvent your habits and get to that "start with 1" goal. Good luck- you can do it because a) you deserve it, b) you are worth it, and c) all those other mantra phrases are also true!!!!!!!

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MSROZZIE 11/3/2011 10:33PM

    What a well written blog. Very inspiring. We all have to stop a minute before we self-destruct all our previous good efforts. Spark On! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BETHANYESR 11/3/2011 9:49PM

  I love LOVE this post. The "why am I not smart enough to get this" has plagued me my entire life. You have inspired me. I don't want to have a weight that starts with a "2" anymore either. I can do this using my favorite part of brain. My body will follow suit as long as my brain can drag me to the gym. Thank you!!

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RDGISME 11/3/2011 9:06PM

    As everyone has been commenting now knows, our brains just don't get it! Of course we should eat fewer cals and then burn more of them, but no. Why should we let our alter-thinking brains win? Thank you for putting words on my lack of them... emoticon

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ALKARIA 11/3/2011 8:53PM

  Thank you for putting to words some of the very same thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head for a while now. It is nice to know I'm not the only one that thinks them. Stay strong, you can do it!!

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MAMASHAWN 11/3/2011 8:50PM

    I've been entertaining a scarily similar rant on and off for the last two weeks, Thanks for putting a voice to it. What's so hard? If I could figure that out, I'd be golden (and much, much smaller)


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AJB121299 11/3/2011 6:09PM

    great job, I think the issue is we all get tempted by things and can't always control ourselves

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LBWINT1 11/3/2011 5:57PM

    Great post! I seriously missed reading your blog as you keep it real and always inspire me to pull myself up and dust myself off.....and more importantly get my bootie back on the treadmill. You will do great and feel great soon enough!

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SHESLOVIN 11/3/2011 3:30PM

    Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the night - Dylan Thomas. That's what I call taking the bull by the horns!! Having a "Braveheart" moment right now. Great blog!!

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XANDREW 11/3/2011 1:43PM

    Great Blog and so true!!!!! emoticon

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TLEVO1 11/3/2011 12:52PM

  Great post! I agree with it all! Keep fighting and trying and you will succeed! emoticon

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SHOPCHAMP 11/3/2011 12:17PM

  Amen sistah emoticon

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MIZZOUSTLGIRL 11/3/2011 12:14PM

  Wow! I loved your post - so motivating! If you don't mind, I am going to borrow your mantra and make it my own. You can do it because you are worth it!!!

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ANGELBABY3431 11/3/2011 12:07PM

    Wow Jenn, I totally loved reading this and laughed a lot. I think we share the same brain. I'm 100% positive that what you wrote here, we all think about at some stage. Thank you so much for sharing what all our brains are thinking.

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MICRAELIE 11/3/2011 11:35AM

    Amazing, Jenn -- as usual. Thank you for writing what I'm thinking and experiencing but could never put into words as beautifully as you. Hang in there, girl. You are worth it and you are not alone!


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GYMGIRL57 11/3/2011 11:09AM

    Oh My God!! I laughed my ass off (i wish i could laugh my ass off) about the gas. You have just written what my girlfriend and I just talked about. WHY THE HELL CAN'T WE DO THIS!! We do other things and stay committed to them. We've decided that we are worth putting the work in and want to be healthy and lets face it...don't want the innertube around my waist anymore.

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GYMGIRL57 11/3/2011 11:08AM

    Oh My God!! I laughed my ass off (i wish i could laugh my ass off) about the gas. You have just written what my girlfriend and I just talked about. WHY THE HELL CAN'T WE DO THIS!! We do other things and stay committed to them. We've decided that we are worth putting the work in and want to be healthy and lets face it...don't want the innertube around my waist anymore.

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JAYKAYSTRONG 11/3/2011 10:32AM

    Thank you for this post. You are not alone but you perfectly stated what I haven't been willing to face up to.

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LOGANDRYLSMOM 11/3/2011 9:24AM

    Love it girl.. Keep the faith. You got this.

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SURGENBERD 11/3/2011 8:24AM

  great blog! You took the thoughts right out of my head and made them materialize in front of me! Thanks for the encouragement that I am not alone in this food battle! emoticon

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ALOHAEV1 11/3/2011 8:00AM

    Love your mantra...and you know many of us will be adopting that! Heck if you can say that after a few pool laps, even that is an accomplishment!

I'll keep this blog in mind as I turn that brain matter back to pink from gray.

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IM-POSSIBLE42 11/3/2011 6:00AM

    Loved reading this !! Thanks for sharing. IT's all SO true!!

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MSWEEZER 11/3/2011 5:40AM

    You write well and I totally enjoyed your blog and agree wholeheartedly but we all seem to struggle with the same 'simple' notions. But, together we keep at it for the sake of our well-being and one day it will all come together and hit us upside the head and we'll finally get it!!

Just remember, you are not alone on this journey.

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BETSYBEACH 11/3/2011 5:35AM

    It is totally about food. Thanks for saying it so clearly!

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BBORDEN86 11/3/2011 12:18AM

    This is exactly where I'm at! I need to find my motivation again, like when I first started. This blog is basically EVERYTHING in my brain. Now, if I could ONLY get motivate to get off my @$$ and workout... I could speed along the process. *sigh*

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DWILCZKO 11/3/2011 12:15AM

  stay positive!

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NDKARIKARI 11/2/2011 10:59PM

    this is a powerful blog. thank you for putting into writing, the battle that a lot of us have when it comes to food. You are absolutely right, you can conquer this, and it starts now, one day at a time.

Best of luck to you and all of us who are determined to have the kind of life that we deserve

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MARYKMOVIN 11/2/2011 10:54PM

    LOVE It!! I did good with myself for 4 days. I'm going to try for 7 too. Even added it to my ticker. Habits are hard to break!! Great Blog. emoticon

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ALICIAT32 11/2/2011 10:45PM

    great blog!

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ANJELIA1968 11/2/2011 10:19PM

    I love it! That pink squishy mass between your ears has come up with something brilliant! You did a great job of saying what the majority of us are feeling.

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TSEWARD 11/2/2011 10:12PM

    Nice Blog. I can totally relate! It is good to know I am not the only one that knows one thing is the right choice and yet does the self destructive exact opposite. Thank you for sharing, and We can do this!!!!!!

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JANELCMS 11/2/2011 9:43PM

    That was an awesome description of how I feel. You are an articulate writer.

I celebrate your (our) journey.

Good luck. emoticon

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KIPPER15 11/2/2011 9:35PM

    It is so true. My mom had a post it note on her fridge for years that said the fat free truth, eat less, move more. I know it and I need to do it. emoticon emoticon

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WILSLM70 11/2/2011 9:35PM

    Well written and so very true. thanks for sharing a fantasic blog

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FIREBALL_V 11/2/2011 9:21PM

    My thoughts exactly!

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NICOLEGRACE238 11/2/2011 9:18PM

    Great Blog...losing weight is my achilles heel.

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JANLYNN32 11/2/2011 9:17PM

    Thank you for your honest and eye opening words. I read your blog and cried because I could 100% see myself in them. Thank you for saying what I have been afraid to say or even think!

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GREENTHUMB70 11/2/2011 9:06PM

    Your a powerful strong woman and yes you deserve it. I know you have the fire the squash those food desires. Nothing worth having is easy. Its easy to stay just as we are. Getting healthy on the other hand is worth the battle and the fight won't be won over night. Its a slow long process of learning, giving and taking. Hang in there my warrior friend you got this.

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SPARKLISE 11/2/2011 9:06PM

    If I could write as good as you I would have said the same thing.
That's exactly what I have been thinking these last few weeks.
what if instead of having our innards rerouted we could have our brain rerouted?
I'd be the first in line! emoticon
So sad! emoticon

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Confession Time

Sunday, October 09, 2011

I haven't lost a pound in six weeks. Or more accurately, I have lost 4 pounds, but it was because I bounced from 265 to 269 and down again.

I love yoga. I love the way I feel when I do yoga. I would do it every single day if I could make the time. Unfortunately, the scale isn't moving when I don't do straight forward cardio. So if I'm going to do a ton of yoga it is going to have to be in addition to the cardio.

So I need to decide what I want to do for cardio. It may be the treadmill, or the pool, or kickboxing, or a combination of the three. Regardless, this scale not moving crapola is going to stop if it kills me.

I'm at least 100 pounds from goal. This show needs to get on the freakin' road. Onward and downward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DWILCZKO 11/1/2011 12:18AM

  you can do it!

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TEENY_BIKINI 10/31/2011 9:43PM

    Battle on! Go get 'em Tiger!


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DOLPHINDREAM 10/30/2011 5:07PM

    I have been coasting for about a month...not logging good...enjoying too many sweets...I bounce up a few one week and down the next....I am counting it as excellent practice for maintenance beginning of month that was my plan to be able to maintain the 35 lb loss...and I'm thankful I have...and you should be thankful also as you have for both of us to start losing again...keep on swimming!

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DOLPHINDREAM 10/30/2011 3:35PM

    I have been coasting for about a month...not logging good...enjoying too many sweets...I bounce up a few one week and down the next....I am counting it as excellent practice for maintenance beginning of month that was my plan to be able to maintain the 35 lb loss...and I'm thankful I have...and you should be thankful also as you have for both of us to start losing again...keep on swimming!

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TEAGUE1612 10/23/2011 5:27AM

    oooh... i went up 4 kilos since my last weigh in. its sooo annoying. i have to get my diet back on track. good luck with the cardio jen! keep up the work.

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WIGIME 10/19/2011 7:31AM

    You are not giving up and that's MORE than half the battle!

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    You my dear know how this happens and I hope you are still not frustrated by it. Keep doing what you love, but trick your body a bit and add in that kick boxing or something fun. I know you got this in you..hang on girl and soon enough you will be breaking that goal and for good! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FIFIFRIZZLE 10/17/2011 1:35AM

    I HATE that up-downy thing. It's like your body is saying, I wanna hang around here, and you are saying, uh uh nononono!

I've just had that for about a month and then suddenly I am on the move, releasing weight. I DO think you are right. It is the cardio.
I have started doing Zumba and the truth is that I do not exercise so hard on my own as when I am doing Zumba in a class with the octogenarians.

You HAVE to get red and sweat, IMHO. But... after the hot sweaty stuff, you have to stretch. So why not 15 mins of yoga stretches as a reward for the cardio?

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CHARL1ESMAMA 10/16/2011 1:59AM

    It sucks not losing anything... I'm in the same boat. I went off the deep end this month and gained back all the weight I lost last month... Plus, I'm not going to try and lose it because my husband and I are trying for a baby now... All very exciting, but it also means 10 more months of gaining! Maybe I will really be fed-up and ready to change by that time... I'm sure that once you get into a groove with the cardio, you will start to see a change!

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WEDDLEACE 10/13/2011 9:01AM

    Thanks for sharing...I've been stuck since March...actually I'm +6 since March. You're always such an inspiration on's good to see that you're human :-). Thanks for the honesty and courage!

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SHEILAB64 10/12/2011 9:17PM

    I am in the same place - just stuck and bouncing around the same weight - is this a weight you have spent a significant time at? Mine is. I hear that can happen sometimes and I agree that Cardis os what loses weight.

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JACKIESJ 10/12/2011 4:09PM

    Have you tried the Biggest Loser Yoga? I have the dvd and love it!

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SPARTAN40 10/12/2011 9:50AM

    Thank you for sharing. It is nice to hear that there are others who are struggling, but continue to work on making progress. hang in there!

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NIMIRRA137 10/12/2011 9:33AM

    I hear ya! I've been bouncing back 2-4 pounds every week. I'm up a few one week, down a few, back up the next. It's so frustrating.

Adding cardio in addition to your yoga may help you. Just make sure you find something that you enjoy.

I have been very bad when it comes to working out. I take my dog for walk almost daily but haven't been to the gym in a while. I did buy a groupon for Zumba classes. I just have to work up the nerve to go !

Good luck and eventually you'll break your plateau.

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DDOORN 10/12/2011 9:22AM

    Backpedaling here too...but we keep putting one foot ahead of the other...right?

Keep the SPARK! :-)


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SNOOKUMS19 10/11/2011 6:50PM

    Take a breathe. One day at a time here. You will be much happier with some added cardio. The endorphines are infectious :)...The key is you have acknoledged the situation. That is the first step. Now lets make it happen. You can do it! Are you drinking all of your water? You are awesome and amazing. Give yourself the credit you deserve and move forward!

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RYDERB 10/11/2011 6:04PM

    I completely understand your frustration. My scale has been stuck so long I've lost track. But to quote my VERY inspirational SP friend, KA_JUN, "Sometimes you're uncomfortable looking at the distance you have to go, but not taking into consideration how much we've accomplished." I love his blogs. Yoga is a form of strength training, so you've probably been building muscle, and even if your scale isn't moving, I'm sure you ARE making progress toward your goal. But "new stimulus IS a catalyst for change" so, I've been trying to change things up too. I know we'll each find the right combination that will get our scales moving.
emoticon emoticon

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GIRLABILLY 10/11/2011 12:05PM

    I feel like I could have written this entire

I also *love* yoga. It's insanely amazing for my mind and body, but I hear you about the cardio thing. I do the treadmill for half an hour every morning (weekdays) but I know I need to step it up...cardio is being my hurdle right now.

Aaaaaand, I also have 100 pounds to lose. We're the same person! Haha.

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BBORDEN86 10/11/2011 11:48AM

    I haven't lost anything in a couple weeks. I know the feeling, but 6 weeks is EVEN more frustrating I imagine. We CAN do this!!! : )

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JITZUROE 10/10/2011 9:17PM

    Yoga is so great. I miss it. I hope you can stick to doing yoga and incorporate something else - might I suggest kangaroo boxing? I'm telling you, that tail packs a HUGE can of whoop a*s, so remember to BOB and WEAVE!!!

OK in all seriousness, I'm old school, and I love Tae-Bo - but only the 15 year oldVHS tapes I must confess - complete with leg warmers.......

Good luck o your cardio treasure hunt!


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    You can do it! I, too, enjoy yoga. However, I need more than just yoga for my weight-loss. Keep up some yoga and pick up something else! Have you tried a bootcamp class? Kickboxing also sounds like fun!

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HDHAWK 10/10/2011 5:22PM

    I've been struggling forever! I need to find time for yoga too for the flexibility. Add in some cardio you enjoy!

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ISIS10884 10/10/2011 4:13PM

    I feel the pain.... I finally lost a few more pounds and got stuck again. We can do this!!!


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KGIRL160 10/10/2011 4:11PM

    I added running to balance my yoga. Yoga does not lose pounds for me, but my arms and back actually have muscle tone!!! I love the hot yoga.

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LBWINT1 10/10/2011 3:46PM

    I love yoga too but have noticed I also have to do intense cardio workouts in addition to yoga or the scale wont budge. I like the combination of running on the treadmill a couple days a week, circuit training a couple days a week, and ending the week with one day of yoga. This seems to give my body the rest it needs and yoga feels like a treat.

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LIVIN2LOVE1 10/10/2011 3:33PM

    I'm about to enter the time of year when I maintain. Though I am not at goal yet, I seem to gain and lose, gain and lose the same 5 pounds during the fall and winter months. I'm going to try a different angle this fall and see how it pans out. Have you tried Jillian Michaels 30 day shred? It's a great cardio workout.

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MINIUM 10/10/2011 2:46PM

    I'd like to add to what Jacklin 11 wrote: in the pool, you can have fun practising the P90X exercises and I think it's even more efficient with the water resistance. Enjoy!

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KITHKINCAID 10/10/2011 1:50PM

    I'm having the opposite issue. No matter how much cardio I do - it's not helping the scale. Maybe I need to take up yoga... hmmm...

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JACKLIN11 10/10/2011 12:38PM

    hi , Have you tried p90x? I am not a beach body coach or selling anything but It is a solid program and it does have yoga in it once a week. it also has kenpo which is soooo much fun and when you get good at it you can make it harder by adding hand weights.

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JANESSMI 10/10/2011 12:13PM

    I love yoga. I think yoga is more like strenght training with planks and down dogs. So just try to get to the gym 30 minute early for yoga and get on the treadmill or bike. I found my yoga was even better when I did this because my muscles were already warmed up. Good luck with your new plan.

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LISADAVIDSON68 10/10/2011 11:30AM

    I think kickboxing sounds like an awesome workout and a perfect de-stresser too! Cardio is definitely the key to weight loss (and staying in your calorie range, of course). I agree with some of the others that yoga definitely has its benefits though. Go get em!

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STACIEPETE 10/10/2011 11:26AM

    ZUMBA! ZUMBA! ZUMBA! I agree that Yoga is fantastic, but I don't burn squat while I'm doing it, so I only do it once a week.

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HEIDISHOPE 10/10/2011 9:11AM

    Add me to that list of love, love, love yoga but it didn't help with weight loss. It did help me with balance, core strength, and flexibility however! It also helps with my digestive issues and muscle tightness and painful contractions due to fibro. So, I try to dot cardio 3 days a week and the other 3 days are for strength training and I add yoga to the any and every evening I can get it since it helps me to sleep.


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VICKYMARIEC 10/10/2011 9:01AM

    I'm with ya sista! I was doing yoga and ST and wasn't moving in regards to weight loss. As soon as i started back to walking (cardio) the pounds started dropping again. Now it's a juggle between the two - or trying to fit it all in every day. Good luck!

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MIDGIEDAWN2 10/10/2011 8:29AM

    I just got the FIRM dvd's. 20minutes of interval training with strong cardio and strength moves. I can't keep up with them yet but it is a heck of a work out.


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MOSTMOM1 10/10/2011 7:45AM

    um, hula hoop...

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MISSMINDY6 10/10/2011 7:34AM

    I agree totally - I went from walking an hour in the morning & another at night, to an hour in morning & an hour of yoga at night. Scale slowed to a stop. Add in the fact I slipped off the wagon on eating 2 weeks ago due to being out of town for a week at training for new job, and then this past week getting used to new work-at-home job and you can add in a total fear of stepping on the scale at all! But enough is enough!! Today I am back on track eating-wise. Unfortunately I tore the main tendon under my right foot on Saturday, so walking or any stand-up exercise is out of the question for about a week. I will be finding something I can do that is cardio from a seated position.

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TRACYZABELLE 10/10/2011 1:37AM

    I think we all hit a wall at times but if you shake things up a bit I am sure that scale will move.. I am in the process of that myself~

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JULIA1154 10/10/2011 12:37AM

  Are you doing strength training, Jenn? If not, you might throw in a bit - maybe try a kettlebell class if available, which combines cardio and ST very efficiently. As for the other cardio choices, try anything and everything! It keeps your muscles from getting too 'complacent' and lazy - and it's a lot easier on your joints and your spirits!

Arlene, congrats on moving down two-three sizes - way to go!! Don't be afraid of deep water aerobics - it's tons of fun and not at all threatening. You might want to try watching a class from the sidelines to get a feel for what's involved and see if that helps you. Good luck!!


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ARLENE_MOVES 10/9/2011 11:59PM

    I joined the Y a month ago and have been doing cardio (bike, treadmill, rowing) and ST at least two times a week. Weight has dropped a couple, but I can now wear a size 12 jeans - started at 16-18. I love to walk but I agree with another person here that it isn't enough unless you are doing it with Leslie Sansone!! I've signed up for a deep water class at the Y, but I'm getting cold feet about it. But I paid for it, so will try. I want to try yoga as I think it would help calm me.

Your plan to add cardio will work -- just wait and see!!

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MAUITN 10/9/2011 11:56PM

    Someone ask me this question and I am still working on it.

What is stopping you?

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MONETRUBY 10/9/2011 11:48PM

    Yoga AND cardio...because great things come in pairs. Like Sonny and Cher, only without the height difference, 70's clothes, and transgender offspring.

And remember (I have to remind myself of this, too), you can do just 10 to 15 minutes of yoga a day, and it will do you a world of good.

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LOSINGITINMO 10/9/2011 10:41PM

    I know what you mean. I love to walk -- I mean, I really LOVE it, and would do that and nothing else every day. But walking alone doesn't burn enough calories for weight loss --at least not with the limited time I have and at the leisurely pace I enjoy. So three times a week I book to the gym for elliptical/rowing machine/treadmill and strength training. I don't love the gym like I love walking, but I do love seeing the scale move. And I still get to walk 3-4 days a week...

You can do this, kiddo. We're pulling for you. And yoga makes a great complement to cardio...

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CANNIE50 10/9/2011 10:08PM

    So, I know you are the vegetable queen emoticon emoticon which I both admire, and envy, but how's your protein intake? My weight has been stuck at 30 lbs down for a couple months but I look like I have lost more because I have been doing a lot of strength training (3 days per week, one hour each session usually) and, in order to build muscle, I have to take in enough protein. So, there you have it. Mainly I just wanted to read your blog because I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are.

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JULIETEXAS 10/9/2011 10:06PM

    emoticon I love the idea of doing both although I know that having enough time can be a challenge. I need to do more yoga in addition to my cardio. How about a deal? I will start by adding at least 10 minutes of yoga a day to my exercise and you add at least 10 minutes of cardio? Regardless, you are on the right path, keep it up!


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JAHCANNON 10/9/2011 9:43PM

    Jenn - you can DO this. I've been stuck too... hovering around 279ish. Driving me nuts, but my measurements say I made a huge difference in that time.

I'm with you. Right there with you... just about 10 lbs behind.

Here's to October being the month of change. :)

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WELLREDHEAD 10/9/2011 9:32PM

    I applaud you for doing yoga AND for having a plan to start burning those pounds again! I've always been hesitant to try yoga because I'm the most un-coordinated person alive LOL

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DIANITAH 10/9/2011 9:12PM

    When I see women with arms I like, they are always yoga people. I was just searching for classes when I came on here to post my exercise minutes. I'm thinking of doing walking in the morning and then yoga once or twice a week at night.

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CHUNKYMONKEY36 10/9/2011 9:10PM

    Knowing what the problem is helps you get to the solution much faster! Don't give up something you love if you don't have to. Maybe you can just alternate between the two. Interval training only takes 20 minutes! Maybe you could do that on your yoga days? Good luck hun, you are doing awesome and will get going again :)

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KATHIERAE 10/9/2011 9:07PM

    I'm with ya. You don't have to quit yoga tho, just shake your body up by doing something different. Do some jumping jacks. Dance to your favorite song. Something that really gets your heart pumping a couple times a day... doesn't have to be an hour long! emoticon

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Body Hate & Pfive Things I Like About My Container--With Photos

Thursday, September 29, 2011

It's really easy to hate on your body, but that's not good for your mind or your body. I am as guilty as the next person. I could write 100,000 words on all the ways I hate my body, or more accurately, what I have done to my body. My body is pretty great, what I do to it is frequently not so great.

Seriously, imagine having a dog you hate. Every fiber of your being loathes this dog. Seeing Sparky makes you angry. Hearing Fido come around the corner makes you bristle. You resent the hair and the mess and having to give baths to the dog. Feeding the dog makes you made about the money you spend on dog food. When the dog farts, you consider kicking poor Lassie. When you have to poop scoop, you count the painful ways you could murder Rin Tin Tin.

How long do you think it will be before Scooby notices? Do you think your hate would change the way you treat him? Do you think just maybe that your attitude might make his attitude worse? Do you think a dog that feels hated every day of every week would come when called or fetch the paper?

So why is it that we think it is Ok to have such vehement self loathing about the one thing that carries us through this life? If you think there is any connection whatsoever between what you think and how you feel, you have to admit that there is a possibility that your thoughts could harm your body.

Hate your body and get cancer? Who knows, but why take the chance? Really, are you willing to risk it? This fat girl isn't.

Have you ever called off sick when you weren't actually sick, but by the end of the day you felt crappy? Have you ever yawned because you were next to someone who yawned? Just some food for thought (NOT Doritos, dang it!).

Anyway, in that spirit, the Punxsutawney Phil Pforty Challenge #3 is to make a list of things you love about your container.

1. I dig my hair. I have great hair. It's stick straight, soft, thick and fine. A pfabulous combination. I got a new cut today. WOOT. Shortest it has been in oh, a few decades.

2. My eyes. Yes, technically I am legally blind, but it is fully correctable, thank Seuss. They are adorned by pretty great brows, and best of all, I think they seem to be filled with mischief more often than not.

3. My seriously ugly feet. I have to shave my toes. My toenails are gnarly. I have plantar fasciitis. I have heel spurs. Yet my toenails show a line where I changed my eating habits and my body started to banish nail fungus. My feet used to feel like they needed to be cut off at the ankle, but now I can run without pain. My feet are resilient, and I'm not worthy of them because I have abused them with obesity, and they are bouncing back because they are AWESOME.

4. My right hand. It's the first place I could tell I'd lost weight. Some days, my right hand and wrist look positively skinny to me. In reality my fingers are stil chubb-o but some days when I look at my right hand (and wrist, sorry wrist) I remember what it was like to wear a size 4.5 ring. It doesn't hurt that the nails are coming along nicely. Sure my fingers are a bit crooked and I have lots of scars, but these hands do a lot for me.

5. My smile. Mischievous. Oversized. I used to hate my snaggletooth, because it irritated me that 3 years of braces resulted in my teeth looking worse than when I started, but then I found out my sister (who also had braces) and a bunch of my cousins have the same snaggletooth. It makes me feel like part of a club.

My smile puts people at ease and lets families know I'm genuine in my concern for them. It lets my friends and coworkers know when I'm in a "let's play" mood instead of a work mode. It lets people know if I'm being snarky, sarcastic, playful, immature or naughty, at a glance.

I'm making friends with my bod, and I've even gotten to where I no longer hide from cameras (it helps if you think of pretty much every picture taken in the last 15 years as a "future before picture") but I am still a work in progress.

I'm never going to be Angelina Jolie, a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model or Dara Torres and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Your turn.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOINSDEMOI 2/4/2012 11:36AM

    Love your hair ... and of course your smile!

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XXO-CARLY 11/2/2011 1:41AM

    love this blog idea!!! hope u dont mind if i do something similar sometime!!!

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LILLI56 10/20/2011 10:29PM

    wow, your toenails are beginning to look good. I never thought that what you eat would be shown in your nails, but now that I think about it, my fingernails are getting longer. All my life, everyone has always said, "Why do you bite your fingernails." And I never have well sometimes when I don't have a file or scissors and have this huge hangnail I will bite that off, but never just a nervous habit.

I may blog about this later. .

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ISIS10884 10/10/2011 4:23PM

    Thank you for that! I believe I need to step back and practice some love talk to my body, too. And I love the hair! I'm waiting for mine to grow out some more before heading in the get the hair did pretty. LOL


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PWAYLA 10/10/2011 10:31AM

    The hair is AMA-ZA-ZING! Really, really, really like it -- you look great!

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ZOOKEEPERMAMA 10/9/2011 6:40PM

    Love your hair, lady!!! Sorry I'm getting on here so late. Spark keeps unsubscribing me from everybody's blogs. Yay for ugly feet and awesome hair! =)

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BETHJRN 10/8/2011 7:28AM

    Loved this! Great idea. PFABULOUS Haircut!!!

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MSPRIS3 10/7/2011 2:04PM

    This is an awesome idea. We need to voice/document/share what were LIKE about ourselves more!

Thanks for sharring!

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KLONG8 10/6/2011 5:01PM

    We can be our own worst enemy. Thanks for showing us how to make friends with that enemy and see it for the truth. Our container ROCKS!

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DIANITAH 10/6/2011 4:09PM

    Love your haircut...and your outlook!

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MANDY8686 10/6/2011 4:03PM

    You rock! Your outlook is contagious and the way you put your thoughts is really truly inspired! I never would have thought about how hating my body might make me and my body feel. Comparing it to hating your pooch really drove home the point that it's wrong! Thanks so much for the awesome blog! Good luck on your term paper!! Also, your new hair cut is adorable!! Love it!!

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GOLOPTIOUS 10/6/2011 1:35PM

    On a scale of 1 to 10, your hair is FREAKING FABULOUS! I love it! Seriously. I wish mine looked that great!

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AQUABUNNY 10/5/2011 11:00PM

    awesome blog! I LOVE your new haircut! It looks great on you!

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MELLYBEANS0919 10/5/2011 10:01PM

    I love this Jenn. You are super great- inside and out!

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BETHANYH82 10/5/2011 5:23PM

    Loved this.

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TAKACSR 10/5/2011 2:22PM

    Love this perspective. The dog part made me stop and think ... keep up the good work!

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1DORENDA 10/5/2011 1:39PM

    You are just too funny - and cute as a button/ You keep at it and you will be there before you know it. As always love to read what you write.


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KATYBIRD 10/5/2011 12:29AM

    Thank you for this great blog post. It really made me think and find the things about my body that I like. I think that this was the most inspirational thing that I have read today!

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PANACHE62 10/4/2011 7:28PM

  Enjoyed this! Feel encouraged

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JESSIELOVE78 10/4/2011 7:27PM


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CLOVER2 10/4/2011 7:27PM

    No, no, no! NEVER shave your toes! THIS is how it's done! Take a lighter or a it getting scary yet? Light said lighter or match and then you bring the flame up to the hairs, not touching your toe. This may need to be repeated, and there may be a sting, but you won't burn yourself the hair will take MUCH longer to grow back and eventually it won't grow back at all. Ok, whew, rant is done.....Hi Jenn!

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VON728 10/4/2011 7:17PM


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PRINCESS1959 10/4/2011 3:39PM

    I agree take a look at this one.


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DDOORN 10/4/2011 3:13PM

    Whew...! Gotta get to where you are...! Awesome blog!


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KINSBAILE 10/4/2011 3:03PM

    Excellent as usual !!!

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CARENS3 10/4/2011 2:37PM

    That's a wonderful way to look at our bodies - as containers! I LOVE that premise. Thank you - you beautiful, snaggle-toothed sparker!!! Caren

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HILDABRAND 10/4/2011 1:54PM

    Love it! And you are sooo awesome!

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SSJIGGER 10/4/2011 1:33PM

    Thank you for your blog!

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BRANDI.FEY 10/4/2011 11:56AM

    Great blog. Thanks for sharing!

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KAKAKALI4 10/4/2011 11:53AM

    Love it! Way to go on giving that container its due .. and esp your feet and toes for the getting better and carrying you through!

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    I have to shave my big toes to keep my socks from irritating the hairs there... :x

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ABBEMINE 10/3/2011 11:02PM

    I like your blog. You amazingly use yourself as a tool for the rest of us "fat" people. With a welcomed, delightful insight to what life is like for you, makes me want to do more. Thank you for being an inspiration.

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SUNSHINEGB 10/3/2011 9:52PM

    Awesome post, thanks for such a great read!

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SM-ARTGIRL 10/3/2011 9:37PM

    Love your hair cut, it frames that cheeky, beautiful face of yours.
Thanks for the reminder to learn to like my body as the container to carry me through life!

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    This is always a great exercise, come up with a list of 5 things you love about yourself. I agree with Heidihope your blogs make me both think and laugh thank you :)

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WINDANCER99 10/3/2011 7:16PM

    I love your analogy of the dog and our bodies. Although I'm at goal weight "again", I've been overweight most of my life. Inside my head I still feel like the fat person I've been most of my life. I'm working on changing that. Great list and your blog is excellent! All the best to you!!!


Comment edited on: 10/3/2011 7:16:22 PM

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HEIDISHOPE 10/3/2011 6:47PM

    Your blogs always make me stop and think as well as laugh! Thank-you for another great blog! emoticon

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DRAGONFLY79 10/3/2011 6:22PM

    What a great post! And, I love your new 'do, too!

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FITPT4LIFE 10/3/2011 4:36PM

    It all starts with a great attitude towards your self. You're a winner!

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    You got some great stuff going for you--nice to make note of it and feel good about yourself for a change. We all have beat ourselves up for so many years, feeling so horrible about "what we have done to ourselves." It's weird to feel good about what we're doing to ourselves NOW. But nice!

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ASHLYNMOM 10/3/2011 2:56PM

    Love the new hair and your enthusiasm - thanks for sharing

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    Love ALL of your list :D AND the pictures! It's nice to think positively about this body that I treat and think of so negatively! THANK YOU!

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SHRINKINMAMMA 10/3/2011 1:52PM

  Thanks for the fun blog. Your new 'do is great!

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KCTILLETT 10/3/2011 1:02PM

  Great attitude, you have! Thanks for the lift! emoticon

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KCTILLETT 10/3/2011 1:01PM

  Great attitude, you have! Thanks for the lift! emoticon

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FUSCHIA6 10/3/2011 1:01PM

    Way to go Jen! It's time to start appreciating all that these vessels do for us. I hope mine doesn't decide to go on strike. Keep taking good care of yourself, it's an inspiration to all of us. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAWRTIAN 10/3/2011 12:57PM

    Thanks for the great message, no one is harder on me than me (and perhaps my mother but that is another story ;). I'll be workin on attitude!!

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WELSTEACH 10/3/2011 12:04PM

    Love the haircut, the smile, and the attitude.

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VICKI779 10/3/2011 10:48AM

    You look really good with the new haircut!

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GRRARRGH 10/3/2011 10:31AM

    Your hair looks great at that length!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Things I Have Learned This Year With Photos

Friday, September 23, 2011

If a blog could have a soundtrack, this one would be read to Right Said Fred's song I'm Too Sexy.

A small sampling of the things I've learned in 2011:

1. I can make salsa, using tomatoes from my own garden.

2. If you don't cook it, it is Pico de gallo, not salsa. (Thanks for the reminder, sis)

3. Using the Dani Method** (registered trademark), I'm able to hoist the girls in such a way that they do not bounce or move. They are like squishy Mt. Rushmore, except they aren't presidents and they aren't in South Dakota.

4. If you are going to take photos of the hoisted girls and make salsa, errr, pico, THEN take out your contacts, you may need to wash your hands more than 2 times. Eyes + Jalapeno Juice = BAD.

5. Spark works. These is this bold new concept called "eat in moderation. exercise. repeat" that actually works. I thought the whole peer pressure, errr, I mean peer support was b.s. since the whole Hate Watchers thing always annoyed the crap out of me, you know what I mean, the whole "you pay us nearly twenty bucks a week to step on our scale and to buy more crap from us" peer pressure.

6. I can run. Not fast, not far, but I can do it. One day I will be able to do it like I did before.

7. I don't NEED a cigarette, or Cheetos, Doritos, Snickers, Ice Cream, Cheeseburgers, Steaks or Marshmallow Peeps. I NEED water, food, adequate sleep, exercise and a fairly stable routine.

8. Remy and Scooter like more exercise, too.

9. I can take some pretty decent photos when I put my mind to it, I'd forgotten that once upon a time I wanted to study photography and take silky, fabulously inky black and white photographs and photos that make people feel like they are there.

10. Losing weight isn't optional. My life will be dramatically shortened, like 20 years, if I don't continue to move forward and lose another 100+ pounds.

11. I'm the only one who hates me for being fat.

12. It is not appropriate or acceptable to verbally abuse myself. Or abuse myself with tape.

13. When I thought I had no control over my eating habits I was wrong. When I thought I had no willpower, I was wrong.

14. I am extremely susceptible to food induced cravings and overeating. Eating the wrong thing for breakfast can lead to a day or two of grossly inappropriate eating.

15. You can have great friends that you have never actually met.

16. You can race a friend from Falmouth to Provincetown while you are both in other states, but it will make you miss your time in Provincetown.

17. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is your honesty.

18. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is to shut up, listen and nod.

19. Getting healthy is great, but it would be a lot better if my spouse did the same.

20. Blogs are better with photos.

21. I wish I had started yoga a year ago. A decade ago. I really wish I had started yoga when I was in high school and I could put my ankle behind my head and do stupid human tricks because of my insane flexibility, I would have been SOOOO good at it.

22. I knew that my weight got in the way, I didn't get to ride the coasters at Cedar Point, plane seats hurt, I was out of shape, but in yoga my fat literally gets in the way. I'm flexible enough to do some of the poses, but my belly literally gets in the way.

23. I exercise harder when I'm listening to music with a hint (or more) of raunch. Like Eminem's Shake That A$$.

24. My hormones profoundly affect my mood.

25. Everyone deserves a yearly vacation.

26. Being a PANK/DINK (Professional Aunt No Kids/Double Income No Kids) isn't such a bad thing, but I'd rather be a Mom and an Aunt.

27. It can be really hard not to fart in yoga class when you eat as many freggies as I do.

28. i can do a quarter marathon and still go for a swim when I'm done.

29. I may have lost my mind. I am seriously considering doing the Mudman Triple if I can find some crazy person to do it with me and my time off gets approved. Not along side me, just show up and do it.

If I can't find anyone, I may just do it anyway, if I can locate my freshly laundered and extremely cute big girl panties.

30. I don't trust the "personal trainers" at my gym as far as I can hurl them.

31. My MP3 player makes a huge difference for me, whether I'm exercising on a treadmill, a road, in a pool, on a bike, etc. Playlists can be a fantastic motivator. Mine says "Love you" on the back, it was a gift from my sister, the nice one, not the one with the camera.

32. It's very hard to wimp out when "Gonna Fly Now" from Rocky is playing. It's also hard to go slowly when Michael Jackson is playing.

33. Before pictures are a good thing. So what if you look, erm, less than 100% in them, how else will you know how much your awesomeness has taken over without them? A very special thanks for this photo goes to my sister, who is a giant A$$hole.

34. Food lessons are often financial lessons, too. People who consume too much food often consume too much money. Or, in my own words, getting fat is like maxing out a credit card. It can be easy and quick to do and take a lot of time and work to fix.

35. I'm funny in writing. Whoduthunkit? People are actually amused, on occasion, by my propensity to make up words. Except ginormous. That's officially a word now.

36. After photos make before photos a lot more bearable.

**regular bra with cups + tight jog bra or two. Without this, I never would have run more than ten steps, so thanks, MDEVILE!

What have you learned this year?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I always love reading your blogs and you are right blogs with pictures rule :) reading this made me happy :)

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SEATOWN_GAL 11/3/2011 12:41PM


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GIRLONFIRE1979 10/26/2011 10:48AM

    I just found your blog 5 minutes ago and it made me join this site just so I could keep reading up on you! Love your pics, and your writing and I look forward to seeing your progress.

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CAPECODLIGHT 10/25/2011 9:43PM

    Thanks for the smiles and the learning!

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CLAIREINPARIS 10/25/2011 2:39PM

    Thank you for a fantastic blog! Several things you learned I did too! :)

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PUEDOHACERLO11 10/15/2011 8:38PM

  Really fun to read! I love the 'PANK' title. It's fun to see someone who is having fun while making healthy lifestyle changes! Keep it up!

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KAKAKALI4 10/10/2011 4:44PM

    Thanks Jenn .. Dang that was a good laugh .. Reminder to self, I need to post pics in my blogs! Have a great one!~

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SM-ARTGIRL 10/3/2011 9:52PM

    Ooh, yes, Your sister w the camera sucks!!! But you have kept the photo Jen!!!??
Your determination and honesty is very inspiring to me as well as to you.
I am quite happy to live in a fantasy world called Denial and if there were no reflective surfaces invented or recording devices I would be oblivious to how my body looks.
If I feel great inside I always think I look great, but it ain't always true... emoticon

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IMJUSTFLUFFY 10/2/2011 1:22PM

    Enjoy your Sunday! Loved the blog!

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LILLI56 10/1/2011 10:36PM

    I have a niece that loves to take unflattering photos and post them to facebook. I just untag myself. lol maybe soon I will not have as many unflattering photos. nah even thin people have unflattering days

lOVE your blog!

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MEGS4148 9/30/2011 12:38PM

    You are such an entertaining writer! I love your attitude and honesty about things. Keep up the hard work!

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CELTICCAT50 9/30/2011 1:23AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Your doing GRRRRREAT !!!
Loved your honest, real, heartwarming and funny too !

T emoticon emoticon

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ARGYLE-RUNNER 9/29/2011 4:06PM

    you are a super star emoticon

loved this - it made my day a little better :)

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KIMPOSSIBLE82 9/29/2011 11:26AM

    This was very fun. I have a lot more questions about your chest support. I struggle with this all the time! Love all your photos. You make it fun.

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SPARTAN40 9/29/2011 9:40AM


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BECCABOO127 9/28/2011 8:40PM

    I loved this post! You gave me a big belly laugh which I desperately needed. You should write a book! I would buy it.

Plus telling your story with honesty is a great gift and very motivating!!


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    This is a really wonderful and colorful way of helping stay focused and is very inspirational. I personally helped people lose in excess of 5 tonnes last year ( running groups on behalf of a company) and decided to focus on me as well and found SparkPeople. Keep doing what you are doing and keep sharing your success because it is very helpful to people like me who are now choosing to continue the journey of getting better and this normally includes weight loss. I wish you well on your personal journey.

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SHANNONINAZ 9/28/2011 2:50PM


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ELISOS 9/28/2011 2:27PM

    I love your blog, Have a great day!!!

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WEDDLEACE 9/28/2011 9:10AM

    I loved "I'm the only one that hates me for being fat." Totally struck me today. Thanks so much for sharing!

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KPETSCHE 9/28/2011 12:39AM


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    Oh my gosh, I totally could have been one of you in that picture in #21! hee hee

That mud event looks scaaaary! emoticon

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PLUSSIZEWIFE 9/27/2011 10:53PM

    you are awesome.

1st: emoticon
2nd: emoticon

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CAVEMOM 9/27/2011 8:50PM

    emoticon What an amazing lady you are, thank you for sharing this through your blog. emoticon

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RYDERB 9/27/2011 8:09PM

    Jenn, your blogs are magic. You always seem to write exactly what I need to read. Thanks for sharing. Your humor, wisdom, and friendship, are priceless.

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HELLAS2 9/27/2011 7:50PM

    Great blog.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DWILCZKO 9/27/2011 7:38PM

  so awesome!

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MISSLISA1973 9/27/2011 6:36PM

    You're right, you are funny in writing and blogs are better with photos. Thanks for being a funny little Sparkler! You make my day!
emoticon emoticon

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EMPTRS 9/27/2011 6:10PM

    Yet another great blog-it's so great to see your progress, isn't it?!

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BMCKEOW1 9/27/2011 5:27PM

    Omg this was funny. I love the idea of before and after photos. You write great blogs. I'm loving reading them all.

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WOLFKITTY 9/27/2011 5:11PM


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SIOUXZIEQ 9/27/2011 4:15PM

    I love this. You are so funny. You sooo motivating. I am going to have to steal two quotes of yours though. (I love quotes and I will give you credit.)

"Locate your freshly laundered and extremely cute big girl panties."

"Getting fat is like maxing out a credit card. It can be easy and quick to do and take a lot of time and work to fix."

I love it. emoticon

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AMOOREA 9/27/2011 3:35PM

  very nice blog, wishing you best of luck and know your doing it. I just started, I like to exercise and always thought I could just exercise and/or work more and eat whatever I wanted, WRONG. It worked whenr I was young, but now not so much. so I'm here and hoping this helps me stay healthier into my old age lol ( will be 60 in March) Good luck to you, like those loose pants, hoping for mine to do that soon!!!

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KINSBAILE 9/27/2011 2:45PM

    This is an AWESOME blog, good job on the realizations! I think you're very pretty too!

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STEPHIEKNITS 9/27/2011 12:45PM

    Great Blog! Thanks for sharing!

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KAT2212 9/27/2011 12:07PM

    What a great list; love it!

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MIPALADY23 9/27/2011 11:08AM

    YOU motivate your blogs and updates!! Keep them coming. LOVE your rainbow hat AND I soooooo get the bra thing. Without proper support excercise is literally a pain!!

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GOLOPTIOUS 9/27/2011 11:02AM


Seriously. This made me smile and want to go take photos and copy you (only in a less funny way because I will never be as awesomely entertaining as you are).

You're still my hero!

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BAILEYS7OF9 9/27/2011 10:59AM

    Great blog! I love the picture of Scooter!!!

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CONFIDO999 9/27/2011 10:51AM

    Awesome blog! I have learned a lot in the eight months I have been on Sparkpeople--mostly about myself. And I totally understand about the farting in yoga class thing--been there, DONE THAT, unfortunately.

And by the way, dahling--you look FABULOUS!

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    I am getting off my butt to exercise now. Thanks for the encouragement to take control of the rest of my day :o) This is why I love Spark so much, you will always find what you need if you just look. Support, encouragement, understanding...

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LIVELYGIRL2 9/27/2011 10:37AM

  This biog was so entertaining. I loved your pics and raw honesty. Your doing great!!!! emoticon

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MADZOE 9/27/2011 10:24AM

    #23 I could not a agree more. There a few songs on my ipod that I would NEVER let my 14 and 11 year old daughters listen to, but that get me going full speed ahead.

#29 that second part... couldn't stop laughing

GREAT blog!

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KATHIERAE 9/27/2011 10:20AM

    Your blogs are awesome, and the pics with this one really made it fantastic!! I went from tearing up in places (cuz I understand all too well) to laughing (cuz I understand all too well) and you said it so well!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MSAMAMMELA 9/27/2011 10:20AM

  What a great blog post. Fabulous lessons, pictures, and advice. And all done with a bit of humor.

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JULIEBITES 9/27/2011 9:17AM

    Pictures do make blogs better! I really enjoyed reading this and some of it I really needed to hear today... emoticon

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    I have learned I can't fail if I never give up. I have learned that freggies is not only a fun word to say, but makes me feel good when I make a concious effort to have 5 servings of em a day. I've learned that I am the only one ashamed that my after picture became my before picture because I did a complete backslide but now that same after picture has been added to my goal board and it doesn't seem impossible because I achieved it before and I can do it again AND I can maintain it this time around because I am CONCIOUS of what I did to lose it in the first place. ....if that made my head it sounded a lot better.

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FIREBUG32 9/26/2011 11:23PM

    Enjoyed your blog ALOT! Thank you for sharing.. and your wonderful pictures.. I smilied alot,, I nodded alot... Yes my belly gets in the way doing yoga.. sigh! But i will keeping going and hopefully someday soon it won't. :-) hugs diane

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NINETOZE 9/26/2011 9:50PM

    Loved your blog! Thanks for sharing all the pictures.

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NINETOZE 9/26/2011 9:49PM

    Loved your blog! Thanks for sharing all the pictures.

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Treating Me Like a Friend

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Losing tonnage isn't just about taking off pounds. It's nice to shed fat rolls and look all major hotness in a swimsuit, I get that, but I would say it's a little bit about the pounds and a whole lot of working on what's between your ears. Teaching yourself new eating habits that do not include entire bags of potato chips, french fries or anything that starts with "fried". Teaching yourself to value exercise, even when it makes you stinky and moist and you'd rather sniff a stranger's gym socks than go to the gym. Teaching yourself to make better decisions, "yes, I know I PREFER to have a cigarette, but I'm going to CHOOSE not to have one, and keep my minty fresh breath." But, maybe most importantly, altering how you treat yourself--physically and mentally.

It's taking months, but I'm *finally* talking to myself like I would a loved one. Except for a few slip ups here and there, usually when under extreme stress or being held at gunpoint by PMS, I no longer heap the silent (internal) verbal abuse on myself.

This is a quote from May 28th, "Good luck finding gym shorts, lardass, they don't make them in your size because no one in their right mind would want to see you in them. How on earth did you let yourself get to the highest levels of revolting? The worst one seems the loudest, echoing in my brain--Jeff must be some kind of desperate moron to have married you, you are an embarrassment, you are disgusting and he deserves someone who isn't gross. "

You know what's really sick? The world at large wasn't saying these things to me, at least not to my face. The world seems ok with me. It is not OK to be your own emotionally abusive spouse. It is not OK to treat yourself with a lack of respect and kindness. It is NOT OK to be your own worst enemy. This behavior does not lend itself to long term success with weight loss. Honest.

It takes work, and it may take a rubber band on your wrist being snapped every time you do it, but if you participate in this internal version of hate speech you need to stop now. Today. Take it from me, Ms. I-Verbally-Abuse-Myself, you can stop. Just pick a phrase filled with kindness and love. How about "You make the world a better place" or "Pretty on the inside AND the outside, lucky you!" Just say it to yourself frequently, with a smile, and whenever negative thoughts pop into your brain. It may feel like you are lying to yourself at first, at least it did for me, but it just feels good now. :)

Anyway, I refuse to do this hateful self-talk to myself any longer. I still have to stop myself on occasion, but it's a lot nicer to say things like "I am valuable!" and "My life has meaning to others!" than it is to call myself a fat POS!

So in that spirit, here is me doing my Week #2 Punxutawney Phil Pforty Challenge. "Pfive or More Things That Make Me Pfabulous"


1) I save lives for a living. It's nearly impossible to beat that one. That makes me wicked freaking pfabulous. WOOT WOOT, I'm pfabulous!
2) I'm smart. I can even count backwards from 100 by 7's. Sort of.
3) I have the ability to move people with words.
4) One day I will be pretty AND smart.
5) My husband, family and friends love me very much.
and, because I'm an overachiever and I should go to overachiever rehab because I can't stop with just 5,
6) I believe that I can achieve a normal body weight, and I will do what it takes to make that goal a reality.

Your turn. 5 Things That Make You Fabulous. I'll wait while you come up with them. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMJUSTFLUFFY 10/2/2011 1:29PM

    You are doing great!

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BMCKEOW1 9/27/2011 5:15PM

    Wow as I read this I realize I treat me worse then anyone has ever treated me. It's time to stop that.

1. I care, even if it's just some thing little to someone else, I care.
2. I am funny and smart
3. I am hot stuff
4. I am strong enought to do anything I put my mind to.
5. I am completely worth it, all the hard work, all the not so hard work, I'm worth it all.

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MRS_PALMER 9/27/2011 9:12AM

    1. I am worth the hard work
2. If I could quit smoking, I can quit eatting crap! (2 yrs + smoke free
3. I am intelligent and capable
4. I have a wonderful man who loves me just the way I am but would love to see me swing from the chandelier with him emoticon
5. I am strong enough to make the right choices

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KATEYGURL 9/26/2011 5:12PM

  :) This was exactly what I needed to hear (. . . or read I guess) today, thanks Jenn!
I can't quite think of my 5 right now but I am going to make a effort to silence my self hate voice that's always at the back of my mind! I always see the best in others, I just need to learn to see the best in myself too! We are all special, wonderful and unique including me, I just need to find it emoticon

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DLSMITH411 9/25/2011 6:04PM

    I am a total Verbally-Self-Abuser also. Here are my 5:

1. I am one of the most intelligent people I know.
2. Unless doing an exercise like this, I am also very humble. :)
3. I am a motivator and encourager of others.
4. I am very creative and actually good at the creative things I choose to do.
5. I am a very hard worker, whether it's my day-to-day job or pushing myself to exercise harder or study more.
... and because I should probably co-lead that Overachievers Rehab program...
6. I have overcome quite a bit and (mostly) have not been broken by it.

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MIIMA-ME-MY 9/25/2011 4:32PM

    This is definitely not easy to me... Let's see...

- I am taking care of a lovely family
- I am stronger than I thought I was
- I am a POSITIVE person
- I can be FUNNY

There, I did it! I am glad there were not 6 things to list... emoticon

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GRACEISENUF 9/24/2011 5:14PM

    1. I truly care about my spark friends and their struggle with weight loss and their life "issues".

2. I love my children/my husband and let them know that every chance I get.

3. I am a good listener and communicator.

4. I NEVER give up.

5. I have been able to achieve anything I put my mind to and especially the things in life I really want.



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BIONICMONARCH 9/24/2011 10:28AM

    SO TRUE!

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DWILCZKO 9/24/2011 12:38AM

  awesome blog!

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NAIMATANNER 9/23/2011 12:35PM

    Thanks for this blog post! Here are my 5:

1. I wake up every day with the desire to make the most of my life

2. I am blessed with a healthy body and healthy and happy kids (and dogs :)

3. I have the intelligence and presence of mind to make positive changes in my life

4. I want the very best for all those around me and for everyone else in the world

5. I am beautiful on the inside and outside : )

Writing these makes me feel good about myself. Thanks for the motivation Jenn!

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CUKENUKE 9/23/2011 11:05AM

    1. I'm friendly and nice and I'm one of those weird people who actually CARES.
2. My eyebrows are sexy.
3. I'm not too shabby at making people laugh.
4. I CAN think my way out of a plastic bag.
5. I'm super creative.

Wow. That felt good.

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ERIN4771 9/23/2011 7:52AM

    love's like my version of the glad game!!
1...i am funny and witty
2...i make a great cup of coffee!
3..i am a great massage therapist!
4...i am at the gym 5 days/week pushing myself to see just how far i can go!
5..i have a great husband, who supports me, and my overachieving *ss!!

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WONDERS06 9/23/2011 5:32AM

    1. I am a single mother and am very grateful for my 9 month old son.
2. I read a lot on plenty of different subjects and know quite a bit.
3. I've experienced much, from impoverished rural Eskimo Alaskan living to boarding school to military, from living a life of alcoholism to Christianity, from Rock to Classical, from being the smartest in class to slacker, pride and humility, promiscuity and celibacy, depression and inexpressible joy, from self-hatred to self acceptance, from thinking I'd never have children to being told that I'd do well with a brood of my own. Oh, there is so much that I've been through in 23 years of life and each downfall made me stronger and more resilient, not to mention more compassionate.
4. I am quiet, I think a lot about a lot of things and usually think before I speak.
5. I love to sing but don't do it often, I do silly dances for my son, I love nature and taking walks, I love taking pictures of nature and family members, I am a decent cook, but most of all I'm just surprised that I can appreciate who I am and all that I've been through and I am grateful to be alive.
Thanks, Jenn, I don't consider myself a fabulous person, I'm content with quietly knowing who I am and being okay with it.

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    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FITCOUGARMOM 9/22/2011 11:30PM

    AWESOME JENN!!! I needed this because I cuss myself out QUITE often!! lol I never thought of it as abusing myself but now I see it!!

1.) Im a wonderful caregiver 2 my husband who is ill
2.) Im always there 4 my children when I can be
3.) Im devoted 2 taking care of myself FIRST!!!
4.) Im VERY smart and have learned alot about fitness and nutritional so I may teach others
5.) I can motivate and inspire others

So glad u had us 2 this!! Im used 2 being called Superwoman or Amazing, or Strong but really never thought of myself as such but the more I explore ME the more Im finding out how AMAZING I really am *that made me cry* I take on things everyday that would make most women break and finding out how gorgeous I am. Yes my Family tell me that all the time but U know how family is but with this last pic I took of myself and posted as my profile pic on my facebook page all I can do is admire it and its the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I have actually ever thought of myself as beautiful!!! Thank u 4 ur continual "push" on reaching inside ourselves as u reach inside of u!!!
emoticon I give u this 4 helping me find myself!!! emoticon

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LISANANTAIS1970 9/22/2011 11:02PM

    #7 you rock!

My five:
- I am smart
- I make people smile and laugh
- I spread goodness in the world
- I am a great mom
- I am a great spouse
- I am strong and vibrant

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CLOVER2 9/22/2011 9:57PM

    This is great! I am working on my list, it's hard! No more beating myself up? What a concept!!
1. I am a good person. I care about others, sometimes more than myself.
2. I have a great sense of humor! I make people laugh, my brother once told me that was one of the main reasons he loved being around me!
3. I am smart, this has come in handy more than once.
4. I love to read! This is VERY handy when I'm trying to learn new things about nutrition.
5. I'm a good friend to have. No judging, nagging etc, etc. Just caring.

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EMPTRS 9/22/2011 8:46PM

    You are so right-we are our own worst critics! But we also really need to work to bring ourselves up too!!!

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JOANNANOW 9/22/2011 8:08PM

    I think you found the key ... positive self talk. That is as important as the nutirition tracker!
Wishing you success and happiness. emoticon emoticon

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JMELVIN13 9/22/2011 7:36PM

    Here are my 5 fabulous things:

1. I am the glue that keeps my house and family running...from kissing booboos to making lunches to knowing exactly where so and so left such and such...I know that I am a good mom and wife to my kids and hubby

2. I am intelligent as evident by my 3.98 GPA...I brag because I earned it :)

3. I am blissfully unaware...some people don't like that I tend to tune the outside world out but in my own experience...focusing in on the smaller picture rather than a larger one can bring inner no I didn't know that a satellite is going to crash into the earth (until today)...I choose to focus on my family

4. I am a great friend and will do anything for those I hold dear!

And finally...


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GIRLABILLY 9/22/2011 5:38PM

    This is a rad blog! It totally made me smile. And now, my positive five things.

1. I'm flippin' hilarious, and pretty darn friendly.
2. I'm multitalented and an incredibly hard worker, learning to apply that to working out.
3. I'm a great cook.
4. I'm blessed to have an amazingly foxy and supportive boyfriend, and two kittens who love me no matter what size I am.
5. NOTHING is stopping me but me, and I'm not doing it any longer!


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JULIA1154 9/22/2011 5:33PM

  I'm so glad to see you addressing the issue of self-talk, Jenn, because I've cringed for you every time you've put yourself down in your blog. If you never refer to yourself as "lardass" again the world will be a better place.

And, this shouldn't come as a surprise to you since I'm not the first one to point it out, but you ARE pretty as well as smart - to say nothing of articulate and vivacious. Get with the program, Jenn :)

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LIFESGREAT2DAY 9/22/2011 4:43PM

    Nice blog! But #4 isn't completely positive...let's here you say 'I AM pretty and smart!" Tehehehe. Hope you are having a wonderful week and thank you for inspiring so many people! Keep on sparkin'!

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KINSBAILE 9/22/2011 4:37PM

    You're awesome! :)

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KGIRL160 9/22/2011 4:02PM

    I tell myself, " I am strong". emoticon

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CINDII3 9/22/2011 3:54PM

    Thank you for writing this blog. I am going to try my best to come up with 5 positive things about myself. I cant think of any right now.
Just last night my thin friend, who is very supportive of my life style change, told me that maybe crunches would help me. I told her that I just felt like I was too fat for crunches and it probably wouldnt help me. She just shook her head and called me negative nancy and said, I need to think more positive. I have lost a few pounds and have gone down a size or two in jeans. But that negative self talk is still there. I'm going to work on that. Thanks

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DIXIED88 9/22/2011 2:53PM

    I think your blog is wonderful. I try hard not to talk down to myself. Hence my motto: Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones!

1. I started roller derby. (AWESOME SAUCE!)
2. I have a great extended family, wonderful son, and supportive loving husband.
3. I try my hardest to be the best parent and wife I can be and I'm pretty darn good at it most of the time!
4. Even though I don't really like my job, I work hard at it.
5. I have dreams and goals that are really out there but I still believe I can reach them eventually. Yep, every last one!

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DEBLYNN323 9/22/2011 2:50PM

    You are Pretty AND Smart!

My five fabulous things:
1. I'm a good competitor in the Biggest Loser Challenge teams!
2. I have 2 fabulous young sons!
3. My family believes and tells me how fabulous I am!
4. I know I can do anything...although I take many detours at times!
5. I'm a great friend!

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    Okay, this should be fun. But I have to tell you that just two years ago I talked to myself like you used to--I was very abusive. I hated what I had done to myself, and that in turn, made me hate myself. Glad to be out of that abusive cycle.

1. I hit my GOAL weight on April 15, 2011
2. I am currently 17 pounds BELOW that goal weight, over 5 months later!
3. I can walk several miles and even run a little bit.
4. I am taking a college class so that I can pursue my dream of teaching (substitute only) after I retire in a year or so.
5. I have motivated my three grown sons, all who have lost weight and are getting healthy too!

And all of these things make me one amazing woman! I tell my husband that all the time. Just so he remembers what a lucky guy he is.

Comment edited on: 9/22/2011 2:38:26 PM

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MONTE59 9/22/2011 2:23PM

    I have always believed in" It doesn't matter what the world thinks, the only people I need to be happy is my family and Myself" I can't even imagine talking down to myself, because I am my biggest fan. I love your sincerity and believe you will achieve all your goals that you give yourself. Two Big thumbs up! now to my Five:
1. My work also involves helping people( what a great Job).
2. I have two beautiful children, who do not drive me mad.
3. I have a wife who is my rock!!
4.I have co-workers who think I am the best.
5.I know a little about a whole bunch of stuff.( some say enough to get myself into trouble Hah Hah)

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MONTE59 9/22/2011 2:22PM

    I have always believed in" It doesn't matter what the world thinks, the only people I need to be happy is my family and Myself" I can't even imagine talking down to myself, because I am my biggest fan. I love your sincerity and believe you will achieve all your goals that you give yourself. Two Big thumbs up! now to my Five:
1. My work also involves helping people( what a great Job).
2. I have two beautiful children, who do not drive me mad.
3. I have a wife who is my rock!!
4.I have co-workers who think I am the best.
5.I know a little about a whole bunch of stuff.( some say enough to get myself into trouble Hah Hah)

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ZACHSMOMMY25 9/22/2011 1:52PM

    I agree with BANDMOM2012!! You ARE pretty AND smart and I don't know you either, but I just read your blog and I love it! You rock!!! emoticon

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BANDMOM2012 9/22/2011 1:48PM

    Okay, I think you are pretty and smart now, and I am a complete stranger. I love you honesty and have enjoyed your encouraging words emoticon

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GUITARWOMAN 9/22/2011 1:01PM

    I loved your blog, and you are right, it is hard for me to say good things about myself, but here goes, in no particular order...

1) I can play Renaissance lute music on the classical guitar...and sound pretty good.
2) I can sing, not tear down the walls singing, but I carry a tune, have a nice vibrato, and my range is alto/tenor (maybe I will be a bass when I get even older).
3) I am smart.
4) I am successful at work and make a heck of a nice salary.
5) I do my darnedest to do good every day.


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CRYSTAL8488 9/22/2011 12:56PM

    I really love this blog. We are not helping ourselves by being so negative. Thanks for the inspiration! emoticon emoticon

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QUIKSYLVER 9/22/2011 12:47PM

    1. I am AWESOME at my job! It's what I've wanted to do since I was 12, and I'm doing it very successfully.
2. I'm almost done with my MBA! Totally motivated to complete it - March 12th is graduation! I love to learn.
3. I am determined, even when I don't want to be.
4. I give my time to others, by coaching different sports.
5. I have great leadership skills, and utlize them at work and home.

Comment edited on: 9/22/2011 12:48:16 PM

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MISSB8604 9/22/2011 12:27PM

    1). I can sing! And not just sing a simple tune, I mean I can REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY sing. I give people chills!
2). I'm slowly but surely becoming a size 16 (something I haven't been since 7th grade).
3). My legs are FANTASTIC!
4). I have friends and family who love me unconditionally.
5). I've lost 50.6lbs as of this morning! AMAZING.



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BREE1616 9/22/2011 12:16PM

    When I was younger I used horrible self talk and it hurt me more than any outsider could. After reading your blog I realized I don't use that talk anymore. If anything when I hear myself thinking about anything I use autocorrect and try to change those thoughts. Of course with autocorrect there is always the chance of a misspelled word but overall I think my head gets the point. LOL.
5 things that make me fabulous??? This is harder than it looks.
1) I have a great boyfriend that loves me regardless of my waistline.
2)I have a very supportive family
3)I have pets that I adore and that adore me.
4)I am a very smart person.
5)I have alot of friends to support me on this journey.

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JEWELS2829 9/22/2011 11:56AM

    First, I want to let you know. I love your Blog. It was so real! You seem to be a really awesome person! Keep it up! emoticon emoticon

5 things that make me FAB!!!

1- I love motivating people
2- Very good friend
3- Completely compassionate
4- Understanding
5- I love how in a rough situation. I can still keep it together!

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THUNDERNREIGN 9/22/2011 11:53AM

    I really love this blog - think I'll start loving myself and use encouraging words as well -

1. I am an optimist
2. I am great at encouraging
3. I am a pretty good Mom
4. I have family and friends who love me dearly
5. I am never alone

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JNEWBS 9/22/2011 11:43AM

    1) I'm a good friend and have good friends!
2) I'm a loving mom & wife and I love my family.
3) I work hard at a great job.
4) I'm intelligent and witty.
5) I can help other succeed.

Loved your blog post. You're beautiful inside and out and you inspired me to THINK positively!

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SCRAPPINPOLLY 9/22/2011 11:39AM

    Wonderful post! Here's my fab five:

1. I am a creative person.
2. I am a child of God.
3. My family loves me despite my weight.
4. I am a compassionate person who would do anything for you.
5. I always try to look for the good in people.

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JAGRIF 9/22/2011 11:35AM

    First, you are already pretty and smart.

Love the blog.

Five things that make me fabulous:

1. I teach--I change the world every day, mostly for the better.

2. My family loves me, unconditionally.

3. I am smart and capable.

4. I have a great sense of humor.

5. I like to help others.

Have a great day!

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REBECCA431 9/22/2011 11:20AM

    OK---1. I am getting good at positive talk to me.
2. I get to love on people at their most vulnerable.
3. I am great at loving my kids.
4. I am encouraging others to better themselves.
5. I love taking care of me! I had almost forgotten how until this year. emoticon
thanks for inspiring me...Your husband loves you for who you are not what you are(that's what mine keeps telling me)

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GABY1948 9/22/2011 11:19AM

    This is a GREAT blog....THANKS!!!!! emoticon

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JENN26POINT2 9/22/2011 10:56AM

    1. I love to learn new things - hence going to Grad School.
2. I am not a quitter.
3. I am loved by my children unconditionally. My husband loves me unconditionally, too, but for me, my children's love is more important.
4. I learn quickly.
5. I love to run - but more importantly, I love how I feel afterward!!

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_O2BHEALTHY_ 9/22/2011 10:54AM

    great blog!! lots to think about!! emoticon

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MENNOLY 9/22/2011 10:47AM

    You are amazing! You ARE beautiful! Great blog. Good luck on your challenge. emoticon emoticon

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PAWSINAZ 9/22/2011 10:45AM

    My 5 things are: I do some awesome photography, I'm good a training dogs, I am a good friend and listener, I don't give up and I can work on old cars.

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HHB4181 9/22/2011 10:40AM

    i really love your blogs!
1- my husband this i'm pretty
2- my personal trainer is impressed with my goals and organization
3- i've lost 27 lbs and i'm the healthiest i've ever been in my adult like
4- turns out, i actually like to exercise
5- my legs are SO muscular from spinning!!

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